i want to be relentless

writing side blog, will reblog works i post on my main blog and WIPs will be posted here.

[missmalyari]

Baseball Superstar and the Handsome Exchange Student

Stelle never felt like she belonged in Graphia Academy. She spent her time with March 7th, challenging her nemesis Skott, and playing baseball. Time passed in a blur, until a foreign exchange student from the Xianzhou Luofu brings something new to her boring days.

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Stelle chewed on the end of her pencil as the words her teacher spoke went in one ear and out the other. Her eyes traveled across the classroom to check if anyone else was actually paying attention. In front of her, March 7th’s head fell downwards before twitching back up. Skott was to her right and sat rigidly straight, eyes focused to the front but his knee shook up and down. Some people were taking clean notes and others were doodling within their margins. Stelle looked down at her blank notebook, and couldn’t bring herself to write anything.

“Class,” Mr. Jeorjo, “I wanted to introduce some students from the Xianzhou Luofu, they will be here for the year as exchange students. Please give them a warm welcome.”

There were around three students participating in the student exchange program, one of them positioned near the back, his eyes turned downward. As the first two students finished up their introductions, he moved towards the front and his eyes, a striking green, trailed across the classroom.

“Hello, my name is Dan Heng, it’s a pleasure to meet you all,” he said, his voice a pleasant timber which tickled Stelle’s ears. She stopped chewing on her pencil and leaned back against her chair to observe the newcomer. He looked slightly taller than herself and had a handsome face. His expression remained cool as the voices chattered around him. Some people next to her whispered about how cute he was.

March 7th turned around and looked at her.

“That guy looks serious doesn’t he?”

Stelle tilted her head as she observed him more. His eyes made contact with hers and she couldn’t help but feel like she felt that gaze before. She wondered how serious this guy really was.

“Maybe,” Stelle said, “he’s got a great build for baseball though. Think I can get him to join?”

“Try not to scare him off,” March said with a laugh.

—

Stelle wasn’t trying to search out the new student but maybe fate worked in her favor. She walked through the hallway after baseball practice and noticed Skott had Dan Heng corned by the stairway.

“— so I highly recommend you join the Society of Future Business Leaders, I’m the president and would love to understand how the Luofu runs.”

Skott’s new venture was to dive into his entrepreneurial dreams. Contrary to what Skott thought she didn't actually have a vendetta against him. The boy just had a big ego and it’s fun to bring it down a couple notches. Especially when he made it too easy.

“Skott!” she said, exaggerating her excitement. His reaction was immediate. Skott turned towards her, his face red and jaw clenched.

“You! What do you want now!”

“My nemesis, please, I just wanted to make sure you’re not harassing the new guy.”

Dan Heng eyes shifted between her and Skott. Her nemesis turned back towards Dan Heng and let out a frustrated huff.

“As I was saying Dan Heng, our club would welcome you with open arms.”

“Baseball would appreciate you as well!”

“Do not listen to her!” Skott yelled, flailing his arms, trying to shove her away.

“I was actually planning on looking into the Graphia Historical Association,” Dan Heng stated, not phased by the pairs interactions.

Skott deflated at Dan Heng’s words, and Stelle let out a little laugh. She elbowed Skott in the ribs.

“Look at that Skott, we’re both rejected.”

“It’s fine! It was a pleasure talking to you Dan Heng and I hope you’ll enjoy the splendor of our Academy even if it’s tainted by certain cretins,” Skott said. Stelle let out a dramatic gasp.

“Who are you talking about?” she asked. Skott groaned and walked away.

Dan Heng and Stelle watched as Skott walked down the hallway and disappeared from view. Stelle turned her gaze to Dan Heng and noticed he was observing her. He had such an even expression.

“I hope Skott didn’t pester you too much,” Stelle said.

“He’s rather…” Dan Heng tilted his head. “Passionate.”

Stelle couldn’t help but smile at the statement.

“That’s probably the nicest thing anyone has said about him.”

“I’m assuming you’re not a fan,” he said. Stelle laughed. Everyone always assumed she had it out for Skott. The worst rumors were the ones that believed they were secretly in love.

“He is my nemesis,” she said lightly, “but I don’t hate him or anything.”

“I don’t know if I follow.”

“You’ll understand the longer you’re here,” Stelle said. She enjoyed this conversation. It didn’t feel necessarily special but she felt like she wanted to get to know Dan Heng more.

“So, I just finished with baseball practice, and I’m hungry. Would you like to join me?”

Dan Heng gave her a small smile and nodded.

They walked to the cafeteria together, Stelle ordered a double cheeseburger and Dan Heng ordered a beef bowl. People stared at the pair and whispered as they walked by. The cafeteria was relatively empty at this time, so they’re able to sit near the window with a view of the courtyard. Stelle was pleased to figure out he was quiet but not shy, he answered her questions without ever getting annoyed. She asked him what the Xianzhou Luofu was like, what they liked to eat, and if they had a baseball team there. It was fascinating to hear his tales.

“Have you ever thought about traveling?” he asked.

“Of course, sometimes I feel like I’ve been everywhere. I think about it a lot,” she answered. Sometimes she had vivid dreams of different planets outside of Graphia Academy. Snow covered mountains and luscious cityscapes danced across her eyelids. It felt like she could see the Xianzhou Luofu that Dan Heng described in detail. The view of the starskiffs felt so real to her. Sometimes these dreams were the only thing motivating her to graduate.

“Maybe I can go to the Luofu and start a baseball team there.”

The comment made Dan Heng let out a tiny chuckle and Stelle felt her smile grow wider.

—

Stelle was excited to see him the next day. It felt like a refreshing experience to meet someone new here. She thought about their interactions so much that she slept late and ended up sleeping through her alarm. Her steps echoed through the hall as she rushed into the classroom. The teacher gave her an exasperated stare and motioned for her to come in. Skott made a snide comment about the lack of respect but she only saw Dan Heng who gave her a quick wave. She smiled at him before sitting down.

March 7th watched the entire interaction and turned around to give her a questioning look. Stelle just winked at her and mouthed the word “later.”

During lunch, March 7th interrogated her.

“There are rumors you had dinner together,” March said.

“Well, yeah, that’s true.” Stelle said simply as she shoved a handful of fries into her mouth.

“How?” March said.

“I saved him from my nemesis.”

March 7th rolled her eyes.

“Of course you did,” March said, “I’m just surprised, he seems rather quiet.”

“Not of you ask him questions,” Stelle said. Her eyes surveyed the cafeteria until she caught sight of him looking for a place to sit. Stelle poked March’s arm.

“Can he sit with us?” Stelle asked. March gave Stelle another look, as if studying her intentions, before shrugging.

“Sure, why not.”

Stelle made eye-contact with him and waved him over. He quickly moved to their table, sitting in the empty space next to Stelle. March 7th waved at him.

“Dan Heng, this is is March 7th.”

March smiled widely at him and lifted her camera up.

“Nice to meet you! Do you mind if I take a photo of you? I’m part of the photography club.”

“Um, sure,” Dan Heng said. He gave March 7th’s camera a small smile and since Stelle was in the frame she decided to throw up a peace sign.

“It’s nice to meet you March 7th. You have a unique name.”

“Yeah, I don’t remember the reason why my parents named me that, must be something special though.”

They continued to chat until the lunch hour was over and Stelle couldn’t help but feel like this was how it was meant to be.

—

Later Stelle moved through the hallways feeling tired. Her bones ached after her baseball practice. She didn’t need to practice everyday, but it grounded her. Sometimes she felt like she wasn’t actually here, that she didn’t belong in this place. The thoughts troubled her because she knew she wasn’t the type to feel this way.

She continued to be lost in her thoughts as she walked to the cafeteria for a quick meal, before she heard her name called out.

Dan Heng stood close to her, coming from a perpendicular hallway.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi,” she replied.

“Are you going to the cafeteria? Want to go together?”

Stelle just smiled at him and nodded.

—

It felt like after that they spent everyday together. The trio would eat lunch together. Then Dan Heng would wait for her to finish practice and they’d eat dinner together. Weekends they’d still grab meals together and Dan Heng helped her with assignments. The rare times they couldn’t would be because Stelle had to take a remedial lesson, she was spending time with March, or Skott challenged her to something stupid. Stelle thoroughly enjoyed wiping the floor with him during these moments.

“Why do you get to ruin my high school romance and you get your own?” Skott yelled at her. Stelle really didn’t know the paper she turned into an airplane was a confession. She did try to apologize to Skott but he had none of it and he left. As he left, Stelle was left with Skott’s question, and wondered if that’s what people thought of them.

Later that evening, Dan Heng sat across from her, his handsome face analyzing her chicken scratch homework. He’d correct her mistakes with clean penmanship and explain to her what she did wrong. She wondered what the education was like at the Luofu for him to be seemingly good at everything.

She worked at a new problem again, trying her best to apply what he taught her even though it was difficult for these things to stick. Stelle, trying her best to write neatly, presented her results to him again. Her fingers tapped against the table as he checked over her work. He let out a satisfied hum and he smiled at her.

“Good job Stelle, that was correct.”

Stelle had never been so satisfied to hear praise from someone. She could feel her face burn as she looked at his proud expression.

—

“So, you like him right?” March 7th asked her. They were hanging out in March 7th’s dorm. Stelle liked to come here to relax because her bed was so fluffy.

“Like who?” Stelle asked as she scrolled on her phone.

“Seriously?” March said, “Dan Heng obviously.”

Stelle tilted her head towards March.

“Of course I like him,” she said simply. March 7th moved closer to Stelle and flicked her forehead. Stelle let out a small yelp.

“You know what I mean,” March said, exasperated. “I can see how you look at him.”

Stelle rubbed her forehead and pondered March’s question. She was reminded of Skott’s too.

“How do you know if you like someone like that?” Stelle asked.

“I don’t know,” March 7th said, “books says that there’s butterflies in your stomach and lots of blushing.”

Stelle wouldn’t deny the blushing, but she didn’t know how to describe butterflies. She never felt nervous around Dan Heng. If anything, she was eager to impress him. Whether it was through understanding a concept he taught her or showing him an extra far home run.

March 7th let out a frustrated groan.

“Look I don’t think a book will describe you accurately, but I see the way you look at him and I see the way he looks at you.”

Stelle couldn’t help but wonder, how does he look at her, but she decided against asking.

—

It was the school’s sports festival, and Stelle was the star of it. The different clubs had a baseball competition and this was the second year in a row she annihilated Skott. He dropped to his knees and let out a dramatic yell as Stelle made the game winning home run. Students crowded around Stelle and lifted her up to celebrate the win. When they brought her down, she was greeted by March 7th and Dan Heng.

“Congrats on another win!” March 7th said.

“Impressive performance as always,” Dan Heng said after.

March 7th’s excitement was palpable, while Dan Heng’s eyes showed his delight. Stelle hugged both of them thankful for the support. After they grabbed dinner and were about the head back to the dorms, Dan Heng asked Stelle to wait.

“I have a gift for you.”

Stelle was surprised but she eagerly awaited the gift. Dan Heng pulled out a small bag and quietly handed it to her. She pulled out the wrapping and was greeted by a beautifully designed baseball. It was green and had gold threading, with intricate paint spreading across the round surface.

“This is beautiful,” Stelle said, then her eyes widened. “I can’t possibly hit this with my bat.” The idea of throwing this ball around horrified her. Dan Heng laughed.

“I believe it’s meant to be a memento, but you can hit it if you please.”

“I would never,” she said, “why did you give this to me?”

“I heard the Sports Festival is a big deal to you, and people say it’s where you shine the most,” he said, “I wanted to give you something to commemorate the occasion. Especially since this is my first and last one to experience.”

Stelle felt embarrassed at his praise and then sad at the thought of him leaving. She tossed the ball back and forth between her hands. The words to say wouldn’t come to her. She stopped tossing the ball and wrapped her arms around Dan Heng’s neck, pulling him into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed her close to him.

—

The night air was crisp as Dan Heng and Stelle walked across the rooftop. Stelle had to show Dan Heng the obnoxious throne that she apparently held after a specific duel against Skott. She couldn't remember what it was about. Dan Heng found the throne humorous.

They sat with their legs dangling over the rooftop wall, the breeze tickled Stelle’s legs. Dan Heng explained to her Vidyadhara constellations and she followed the tip of his finger as he trailed it across the night sky. She could feel herself getting sleepy but she didn’t want the night to be over. Stelle leaned against Dan Heng’s shoulder as he continued to speak, he paused for a moment but then continued. Once he seemed to go over everything he knew, she felt him rest his cheek against the crown of her head. He placed his hand next to hers and gently drew it into his grasp.

Stelle squeezed his hand lightly and she could feel him let out a light laugh.

“Are you tired?” he asked.

“No,” she said. She could feel him shake his head.

“I’m positive you fell asleep on me.”

“Nope,” Stelle responded, raising her head but not letting go of his hand. She looked at him and Dan Heng just smiled at her.

She wondered if this was it. If this is what March 7th meant by “how he looks at you.” It felt like Dan Heng saw all of her. The funny, the strong, the parts that don’t seem to fit right. She wondered if she actually looked at him the same way. It felt like she knew him for hundreds of years, across different lives. With his free hand he moved a stray hair away from her face.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked quietly.

“Yes,” Stelle said embarrassingly quick. Dan Heng leaned close to her, cupping her face in one hand, and he gave her a quick, chaste kiss.

Stelle looked at him, she could feel heat trail up her neck to her face. The widest smile appeared on Dan Heng’s face. He captured her lips in a second kiss.

“You’re beautiful,” he said after. Stelle wrapped her arms around him and hid her face in his neck.

—

Stelle wasn’t the type to linger on what ifs. She kept moving despite it all. March was thrilled at them kissing but she asked her what the future looked like. It seemed so far away but Dan Heng’s departure would be here quick.

No one really knew what the future looked like, even if there was a grand script, she couldn’t see a future where Dan Heng wasn’t a part of the story. Stelle decided not to dwell on it. Besides March 7th, he was the first person she felt like she was truly herself with. She didn’t feel like a constant actor playing a part.

So, she’d enjoy their time together, despite the separation bound to happen.

The last night before his departure he visited her room. What once was a hurricane of clutter, it was now organized clutter thanks to Dan Heng’s assistance. Stelle loved collecting memorabilia.

He laid next to her, his arm wrapped around her waist. Stelle stared at the ceiling before turning her head towards him. Dan Heng’s green eyes glimmered in the moonlight as he observed her. He tilted his head closer to her and he placed a kiss on her cheek. Stelle sighed and leaned closer to him, their foreheads touching.

“I understand if you want to end this,” Dan Heng said quietly, “…but I’d rather see how this goes.” Stelle moved her head back to see his face and saw his serious expression.

“I’ll respect whatever you want to do,” Dan Heng turned his gaze away, the first time Stelle had ever seen him slightly nervous.

“You’d wait for me?” Stelle asked

“I feel like I’d wait hundreds of years for you,” he said. To others, the sentiment could come off as dramatic, but to Stelle it just felt like a fact.

Stelle drew him in closer and hugged him. She felt him sigh against her, pleased with her response.

“I love you Dan Heng,” she said. It felt like such a natural thing to say. His arms wrapped around her tighter in response.

“I love you too.”

—

That morning she watched as the spaceship left Graphia Academy from the rooftop. She wondered if she could squint hard enough, maybe she’d catch a glimpse of the Xianzhou Luofu. The school year had come to a quiet end. Her fingers nimbly caught the baseball Dan Heng gifted her as she tossed it from one hand to the other.

She tried her best not to be sad about it. He said he’d message her as soon as he arrived to the fleet, and she always trusted Dan Heng’s word.

Stelle looked up at the sky and thought about what her future would look like. After graduation she knew she’d be out of here. She just knew she wasn’t meant for this place, and her path would lead elsewhere.

[missmalyari]

This Earth is Yours

"He pressed a hand against the waves, feeling the chaos of Amphoreus waters, and tried to sense her but all he felt was her absence. He tried to commune with the school of fish and a large whale, but both led to nothing." Dan Heng searches for Stelle within the memoria tide, and he also remembers.

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Dan Heng placed his hand against Cerces’ Great Tree and resonated with the memories of its roots. He felt the bark dig into his palm as he focused on the energy of this memoria. The pain a reminder that even if this world was a simulation, the feelings were all real. All he could think of was the determination to find Stelle, a worry gnawing at him from deep within himself.

He first began this quest by retracing their paths. Throughout their time on Amphoreus they traveled to many places. Hysilens said Stelle was deep within the memoria tide so locating her wouldn’t be easy but he was determined to find even a trace of her. If he could use that trace to pinpoint where she was that was all that mattered to him.

“I’m sorry young man but I don’t recognize the lady you’re searching for.” The man Dan Heng spoke to was an older man that ran a fruit stand Stelle frequented. They became fast friends since the vendor enjoyed her wit. He also enjoyed how impulsive of a spender Stelle could be.

“I hope she’s safe,” the vendor said gently and handed Dan Heng an apple, “it’s obvious you’re fond of her. Amphoreus isn’t a kind place.”

Dan Heng silently agreed with him and shoved down the feeling of disappointment. He knew this would not be easy.

He spoke to the memories of the Chrysos Heirs but none remembered her. No other merchant or civilian was able to recognize her description. Their first day in Okhema was memorable and as usual she made an impression on everyone. She completed so many odd tasks the citizens knew they could go to her for anything. It felt strange to look out into the holy city and to be the only one to remember her vibrancy.

———

“This place is so intriguing,” Stelle said.

They were in the privacy of their new quarters. The only beds they had were the two chaise lounges, which would be an adjustment. Dan Heng was used to lackluster sleeping arrangements but theorized that Stelle wouldn’t feel great considering her bedroom on the Express. How she found a bed that big remained a mystery to him.

“It is, I’m still surprised at all we’ve learned so far.”

“I’m surprised they have phones, and the Internet,” Stelle said, “this place looks like something you’d see in a drama.” She seemed to ponder something for a moment before snapping her fingers.

“We should go to the market,” she said.

“Why, we don’t have any money,” Dan Heng said.

“Dan Heng, we are new heroes of this world, maybe someone will treat us,” she said with a wink, “worst case we’ll take on a job here or there. Plus, I’m sure these Chrysos Heirs will put us to work soon.”

Dan Heng sighed but he know he wasn’t going to fight her on this.

“Fine, we should get to know the city more anyway.” Stelle laughed at his response, grabbed his hand, and dragged him away. He tried not to think too hard about the feeling of her hand within his.

———

After he failed to find a trace of her within the city, Dan Heng explored the oceans of Amphoreus with an even step. As he worked his way along the coast, retracing the steps him and Stelle once made, he wondered how long this journey would be. He resolved within himself that that no matter how long it took it would be worth it. He thought of the last hug she gave him before they separated, her back turned towards him was the last thing he saw before he attempted to return to the express.

He pressed a hand against the waves, feeling the chaos of Amphoreus waters, and tried to sense her but all he felt was her absence. He tried to commune with the school of fish and a large whale, but both led to nothing. As his eyes gazed out to the nearby port he couldn’t help but get lost in the memory of her.

———

Stelle splashed him with water, soaking the front of his shirt. Her giggles saturated the air. She had taken off her boots to get a feel of the water. Dan Heng stood farther away, the waves barely touching him.

“I’m surprised you didn’t do this at Scalegorge Waterscape.” Dan Heng said, as he hid one of his hands behind his back. Dan Heng and Stelle visited the Waterscape frequently after the major events of the Luofu.

“That place wasn’t really great for relaxing at the time,” she said, going deeper into the water, the waves splashed smoothly against her thighs. Stelle looked at Dan Heng with a mischievous gaze, she moved to splash him again, but before she could begin Dan Heng countered with his cloud hymn magic.

“That’s cheating!” Stelle yelled and sputtered out water. When she got her bearings she lunged at him, tumbling the two of them into the moist sand. The both of them laughed as they reached the ground.

———

The caves were naturally going to bring him more memories. He pressed his hands against the rock walls, sensing the energy of the Earth. All he felt was a cold echo. He sat in the illuminated cave and thought back to their first kiss here, how her eyes seemed to fill with anticipation. Dan Heng shut his eyes against the memory, feeling the ache in his chest getting worse, but knew he had to press forward.

He stared out at the florescent plants, her voice echoing in his head.

“I don’t see any need to rewind time when you could just kiss me again.”

Her voice had a nervousness that wasn’t usually present in her taunts. As if she wasn’t confident he’d take the bait. What a silly woman. She’d be the end of him. He’d kiss her over and over again if she was here. He’d rewind that moment forever, but he was no demigod of Time but of the Earth. He could only be something steady to hold onto, whenever she needed him.

———

After their kiss in the cave their relationship began to shift. Dan Heng didn’t enjoy being showy with his affections. Though, the moments he’d take the initiative to hold her hand or kiss her were worth it just for the way Stelle looked at him. Stelle loved physical affection. She knew he wasn’t fond of it in public but in private she adored being close to him.

They fell into the habit of pushing their chaises close together. Stelle was the one who initially insisted.

“Well, we don’t have the luxury of my bed so we need to make do,” Stelle said cheerily.

Dan Heng cleared his throat and looked away, face red as she pushed their two ‘beds’ close together. The thought of her inviting him to her bed back on the Express made him uncomfortably warm. He supposed it was something to look forward to when they made it off this planet.

“You’re being rather forward about this,” he mumbled.

“Do you not want to?” Stelle asked, tilting her head. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she chewed on her bottom lip.

“No, I do,” Dan Heng said in a rush, “I’m just not used to the proximity.”

Most of his early life was spent shackled in a prison, alone, and then after gaining freedom he traveled alone. With the Express he was never truly by himself, but the Express was also spacious for the five of them. Stelle enjoyed the close proximity, and he found he enjoyed her presence as well.

Stelle smiled widely as she laid down and patted his chaise. Dan Heng slowly walked towards it and laid down next to her. It was immediately more intimate than their prior arrangement. He could feel his heart beating at an unnatural rhythm. Stelle yawned, unperturbed by the arrangement.

“Relax,” she whispered, “I’m not going to do anything.” Dan Heng saw Stelle reach towards him, he turned towards her and laced their fingers together.

“You’ve been overworking yourself.” He observed the dark shadows under her eyes. After saving her soul with Castorice the work has been nonstop for the both of them. He knew Stelle’s habits of taking on too much random work.

“Phainon likes to keep me busy,” Stelle sighed. “It doesn't help that the Stellaron can be loud.”

Her eyes gazed gently towards him, looking unusually vulnerable. He knew she heard the voice of the Stellaron but he wondered about its severity.

“I’ve been sleeping better with you near…it doesn’t sound so loud,” she muttered.

“Then I’ll be here.” He drew her hand up to his lips, planting a soft kiss to the top of her wrist.

“Promise,” she muttered, drowsiness slurring her words.

“I promise.”

———

Dan Heng wondered if she was able to sleep where she was. It felt like he hadn’t slept in months.

———

As Dan Heng traveled down an endless staircase he couldn’t help the thought that maybe he’d never find her. He traveled in darkness for so long. Time had become a figment at this point but he knew many years have passed. Endless efforts to find her memory leading to nothing but smoke. He was trapped in maze within the depths of Amphoreus, with only the darkness and the feeling of nothing as his companions.

There were some moments he felt that even his memory was beginning to fail him. That maybe he was succumbing to this lands version of mara sickness. He remembered telling Stelle that living so long was a curse, and this was further proof of it. The mind could only last so long before it withered.

Could he remember her laugh? Her smile? It all felt like a haze.

He paused his journey within the maze and took a deep breath, something had to shift and he needed to calm down. Searching with his eyes alone wasn’t helping he needed his roots to spread everywhere. He shut his eyes and thought of her, only her, their trailblaze and all the memories they had together.

He remembered the way she felt next to him, squeezed close on their combined chaise beds in their shared room. Stelle complained about how she missed her bed but she never moved away from him. Their hands were interlocked as she spoke about her day, the pressure of her grip shifting the more passionate she felt about a topic.

He loved those moments. The way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. How her voice would raise in pitch when excited or deepen when annoyed. Her laugh when he’d interject with his opinion. How could he ever forget?

Three of Kind

He focused in on the core of her. Her passion and love for the Express. Her affections for him. Dan Heng let the strength of his memory flow through him until he was able to sense a familiar flame within the depths.

Two Pair

Dan Heng thought of their final night together before they separated. How they sat together on one chaise and spoke of their worries. They told each other they’d always look out for each other. She kissed him because she knew he was worried and he kissed her back as if to tell her that he trusted her, forever.

Ace

It’s as if he’s back to the beginning, spreading the Great Tree’s roots to find a trace of a memory, but this time the root find a light. A stronger flicker of Stelle’s presence, as if a signal in a lonely ocean, drew the root to her. Dan Heng immediately jumped on the signal, he reached out, determined to pull her from the maze. He cracked through every wall that divided them, pushed through the murky darkness until he finally reached her.

He felt the soft skin of her wrist and he gave a hard tug, pulling her from the depths of the memoria. The first thing he saw was her eyes opening and her shocked expression as she realized who saved her.

———

“Dan Heng,” Stelle said, relief seeping into her words, “I feel like I’ve been waiting for you for so long.”

Stelle walked up to him and drew him into a tight embrace. Dan Heng wrapped his arms around her and rested his face against the crown of her head. He inhaled, taking in her presence, the ache in his chest finally releasing. She backed away, hands still gripping his shoulders, as she looked up at him. Her brows were furrowed and lips set in a small frown. Gently he ran his fingertips along her brow, trying to help ease her expression. A small breathe escaped as her face relaxed and she leaned into the touch.

“You’re usually not this vulnerable,” Dan Heng said lightly.

“I was worried…” she trailed off as a confused expression drifted to her face, “did you get taller?”

A light laugh escaped him as he pulled her into another hug. This time, he rested his head against the crook of her neck. It was different, he had to hunch down more to reach her, but she still felt the same. He told Dan Feng he would give everything up to save those dear to him and this moment only strengthened his resolve. In the back of his mind, he worried how far he’d go for someone like Stelle. In the moment, he decided to just focus on his success, and the feel of her warmth.

“A lot of stuff happened while we were apart,” Dan Heng muttered against her, “what matters is that we’re together now.”

Stelle wrapped her hands around his neck and tucked her face into his shoulder. She just nodded at his words and tightened her grip. After a moment she backed away from him, the separation causing an ache within him, but he felt her hands against his face and her lips against his and he melted.

As he kissed her back he knew how far he’d go for her.

They separated, both of their breathes heavy with unresolved emotions. He rested his forehead against hers and looked at her. Stelle looked tired, but there was a steely resolve in her eyes.

“We need to find Evernight,” she said solemnly.

“Yes,” Dan Heng replied, “and while we do that we’ll save March.”

Stelle returned his statement with a small smile and kissed him on the cheek.

———

As they stood in front of the depths of the missing Titan’s tomb Dan Heng couldn ‘t help but feel more protective of Stelle. The more answers they received the more confused they were.

“Just stay behind me if anything happens,” he told Stelle. Both of them were resolved to confront Evernight and rescue March 7th, but he didn’t want Stelle to get unnecessarily hurt in the process.

To his surprise the final door opened easily for them. Stelle just looked at him and nodded, he gripped her hand and gave a reassuring squeeze, as the two of them entered into the gauntlet before them.

[missmalyari]

A Fickle Thing Called Memory - Chapter 1

“Well, what an unpleasant sight,” she stated as she walked up the cliff, “what are you doing here?” He scoffed and turned towards her. His chin rested against his fist as he stared up at her, amused once more. “Enjoying the view, of course.” She huffed and stared back at him.

*reposted to match how I currently post fics now and also there was a two year gap in between chapter 1 and 2, so oops for that.

Pairing: ScaraMona

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Mona Megistus awoke to the feeling of Mondstadt summer, the heat mixed with the breeze gently easing her from her slumber. The sun shone through her windows, beams casting a light on her papers strewn upon her desk. Similar to Fontaine, there always seemed to be a breeze, but she couldn’t smell the ocean, only the woody scent of the forest. She thought back to her time in Fontaine and how close the beaches were. The salt seemed to follow her everywhere. How at times she missed it.

Not being in Fontaine daily made the memory of it blurry, but there were certain things she always remembered. The beautiful oceans were always clear in her mind.

She laid upon her bed and thought about the current column she needed to edit, the bills she needed to pay, but she hoped that at the end of the season she’d be able to enjoy a nice dip in the water.

In between everything she’d always make time for the stars above.

After half an hour, she managed to pull herself out of bed to begin the day.

The day was spent drafting her latest article for The Steambird and assisting Albedo’s team with a new experiment. For lunch, she enjoyed a crisp salad, and some light reading. Overall, it was pleasant. Ideally, it would come to a delightful end reading the stars, on her favorite cliff.

This cliff was secluded yet had a beautiful view of the stars and ocean. Thoughts spun in her mind regarding what she should research. They came to a halt when she saw a figure sitting near the peak of the cliff. Initially, she felt annoyed because how dare someone take her favorite spot, then the feeling shifted into curiosity. The figure was vaguely familiar but as she moved closer her memory started to clear. Memories of meteorites, her work with the Traveler and Fischl. A man with hard eyes who said the stars were a lie.

The tassels of his hat moved with the breeze in a graceful motion, the soft jingle echoed in the otherwise silent night. Mona activated her catalyst.

“If you’re trying to sneak up on me you’re doing a bad job.”

Mona’s irritation peaked at the sound of his arrogant voice.

“What are you doing here?” She said harshly.

“Am I not allowed to enjoy the breeze? In the City of Freedom.”

He gestured at the surroundings, not even bothering to turn to her. His gaze was still fixed towards the horizon. She shifted her blanket to her left hand, but her right flowed with the power of her vision. Mona was aware he was a powerful person, but she couldn’t let that stop her from defending her current residence.

“Most people yes, not Harbingers,” she said sternly, “especially the Balladeer.” He scoffed at that.

“I don’t take my relations to them that seriously,” he replied in a lofty tone. As if he truly didn’t care about his position.

“What does that mean?”

“Whatever you want.” She sighed at this, dispelled her powers, and carefully observed him. Unlike their initial meeting she doesn’t sense any murderous intent. But she found it hard to believe this guy was just sitting here, enjoying the view. There were options to consider.

She could attempt to remove him. Mona was confident in her abilities but she knew that fighting the Balladeer by herself was risky. The next option was to run back to Mondstadt and let them know but it was pointless because he’d be gone anyway. Third, she lets this odd meeting play out, and maybe she’ll learn something. Ideally he’d just leave and never return. Plus, she refused to let this vile person remove her from this spot.

“Fine,” she huffed, “just don’t interrupt me.” She laid her blanket out and sat to his right. In her peripherals she could see him looking at her. Mona activated her scryglass and began her routine. Though, it didn’t feel like she could fully immerse herself because of the man next to her. It irritated her, but she tried to push the feeling down so she could focus.

“What’s the point of this?” the Balladeer asked her.

“The point is that this is my work.” She didn’t bother looking at him but she could feel his eyes on her.

“I’m surprised you didn’t attack me.”

“Why waste my energy attacking you when you aren’t planning on doing anything?”

She sighed and turned to face him. It was such a beautiful night but it had to be tainted by his presence. Her focus was shattered, but even if she couldn’t complete her readings the least she could do is try to figure him out.

“And what? You can sense my intentions? With the stars?” he said in a mocking tone. It caused heat to boil under her skin but she refused to let him provoke her. She took a deep breath in and then out.

“It’s a bit more complex than that,” she said, “but I’m not going to bother explaining it to you because I know what you think.”

“So, you remember what I said then?” He smirked. “Glad I could be so memorable.” The emphasis he put on the word memorable pissed her off.

“Don’t give yourself so much credit.” She glared at him, her hand scrunched at the blanket she sat on. They were sitting rather close together, she didn’t notice that he moved closer. He was currently inspecting her scryglass, so Mona took the time to get a better look at him. Appearances were the same as when they first met, but she noticed all the intricacies in his attire. It looked Inazuman. His eyes fell back to her which caused her to look away.

“To be frank, I think I deserve a lot of credit.” He got up, looking down at her. Despite his height his attitude made him seem taller. “And, I’d recommend you keep my words close.”

“And why is that?” she said, deciding to humor him. He tilted his head and a small amused smile grazed his lips. When he wasn’t being murderous and just annoying she’s able to notice how handsome he is. It was the kind of handsome that seemed unreal.

“Because you’re too talented to be wasting time on fake stars,” he said, “or maybe you’ll be one of the people to burst this falsehood open.”

“I still don’t understand what you’re talking about.” Mona also stood up, looking directly at him. “Nor do I believe you.” He smiled again, as if he was in on a big joke.

“You will,” he said,”but until then, I’ll see you around.” He seemed to flicker away, only leaving a gust of wind in his wake. Mona laughed and ran a hand through her hair.

“I hope not!” she yelled into the night, having a feeling he’d hear her anyway.

-

Mona tried to forget about meeting the Balladeer. She didn’t bother telling the Knights of Favonius and just hoped that he wouldn’t return. But, there was a part of her that was curious. The words he said troubled her, but this jarring point of view was intriguing. To truly grow as a person and an astrologist it’s good to understand peoples views on the stars. Even if they are implausible.

Thoughts of the Balladeer plagued her until another deadline for the Steambird arrived. It was a rather stressful article, so Mona wanted to relax by gazing into the beautiful stars above. But her hopes were dashed as she walked up the cliff to the familiar sight of the Balladeer. He stared at the horizon as if to mock her, most likely he already sensed her presence.

“Well, what an unpleasant sight,” she stated as she walked up the cliff, “what are you doing here?”

He scoffed and turned towards her. His chin rested against his fist as he stared up at her, amused once more.

“Enjoying the view, of course.” She huffed and stared back at him.

“Is this some kind of grand plan to get into Mondstadt?” The Balladeer rolled his eyes.

“Why would I care about this nation? Also, even if I did why would I tell you?”

She narrowed her eyes at him.

“You are endlessly frustrating Balladeer, why do you bother coming here?”

“This is only our second time meeting.”

“Third meeting. More than once is too many considering you tried to kill my friend.”

“I was just doing a job, like anyone else.” He clicked his tongue. “Nothing personal.”

Again, there was no malicious intent coming from him. It seemed like he was just messing with her.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

He hummed in response.

“Maybe this is my hobby.”

“Staring at the horizon is your hobby?” Mona said incredulously.

“No, of course not,” he sneered.

“I prefer annoying you.” Mona laughed in response and turned away considering her options. She could easily walk away and find a new spot for the night. But, that would mean he succeeded in whatever twisted game he wanted to play. It was not in her nature to give into these juvenile taunts.

“Well, it’s going to take more than that to make me give up this spot.”

She laid her blanket out and activated her scryglass as the Balladeer smirked at her.

“Since you’ll be seeing more of me, you could just call me Scaramouche. The Balladeer is such an irritating title.”

“I’d truly prefer to pretend you aren’t even here.”

-

To her dismay, she saw more of the Balladeer, or as he said, Scaramouche. He began to visit her on her nightly excursions, completely throwing a wrench into her well loved routine. It felt like a thread was unraveling around her, she wanted to tug at it and choke him with it. The visits were not consistent so she couldn’t even prepare herself.

It was around the eighth visit she questioned him once more.

“Do you truly just come her to irritate me?” She became used to his presence that doing readings in front of him was easy. While she waited for his response she adjusted the dials of her new astrolabe. Part of her wondered if he familiarized himself with the practice since at times he observed so intently.

“Irritating you is entertaining.” Mona didn’t even bother responding.

“Seriously,” he poked her forehead, breaking her concentration.

“Seriously!” she yelled back, which caused him to chuckle.

“I mean despite me not believing in the stars what you do it also intriguing. Your abilities are intriguing. It’s one of the reasons I sought you out. Curiosity.”

“Huh?” Confusion took over, but she remembered their second meeting. “That doesn’t make sense I ran into you.”

“After I figured out your routine,” Scaramouche shrugged, “it’s not like I could just walk into Mondstadt. I’d rather not deal with that winery owner.”

“Great, thank you for admitting that you stalked me.” Mona couldn’t even bring herself to be mad. She had begun reading his sign regularly after they initially parted ways. His words regarding the stars never left her, and she needed to know what kind of person would make such a bold claim. But the result of her readings were only of a long weaving path, a path that went on for much longer than normal. In a way, meeting with him became entertaining to her as well. Uncovering the enigma of Scaramouche became another one of her personal goals.

“I just made use of the resources I had.” He touched her hair, weaving his fingers through the dark strands, before turning the tassel at the end between his fingers. This was a newer development that Scaramouche began to partake in. There were times when the conversations would drift into silence and he’d just start playing with her hair. The first time he touched her hair she flinched so hard that he made fun of her for the rest of the night. In retaliation she’d tug on the tassels of his hat, which pissed him off.

“In all my life I haven’t met someone with your abilities. I was curious. I haven’t felt curious about anything in a long time.”

“You make yourself sound so old,” she huffed and thought of his constellation, “but thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Maybe I’m mostly intrigued by how strange you are.”

“Strange!?” Mona shoved his shoulder. Scaramouche laughed and it rang in her ears until she got home.

-

One night, Mona checked her calendar and was baffled to see that summer was almost over, she didn’t even get a chance to go swimming. Time passed so quickly. The thought plagued her and soured her mood until she met with Scaramouche.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Huh?” she answered, “nothing.”

“Are you sure? You’re not as into this as you normally are.”

“I’m surprised you even noticed,” she muttered. He huffed, turned away, and looked out into the horizon. It was difficult to admit, but she was touched by this rare display of concern.

“It’s silly,” she said, “I’m a bit upset that I didn’t get a chance to swim this summer. I’m going to be busy the next couple of weeks so the weather is going to shift before I get a chance.”

He looked at her silently, and Mona felt herself turning in on herself. The thought of him judging her for this mortified her. Mortification turned into irritation until he responded.

“Why don’t you just swim now? The weather’s pleasant.”

She tilted her head at his comment.

“What?” he said, “you’ve never swam at night before?”

“I’ve heard it’s dangerous.”

“If you’re stupid, are you stupid?” he questioned.

“Of course not,” she said through gritted teeth.

He stood up.

“Then lets go, I know a good spot not too far from here.” He held out his hand and in his eyes there was a silent request. For only a moment she gazed at it before taking it. Their hands were intertwined until they arrived. The beach was down the hill and around the left side of the cliff face. She never bothered to check the area so she didn’t even realize there was a secluded beach below.

The spot was beautiful and the water moved smoothly. Gleefully, she let go of his hand, threw her hat into his chest, and jumped into the water. In her peripherals she could see him watching her as he sat along the shore. Water surrounded her as she floated on the surface, her eyes fixed to the stars above. This was perfect. She never thought of doing this before.

Turning back towards Scaramouche she noticed him watching her.

“You’re acting like a child,” he stated. It could have easily been an insult, but his tone was light.

“I’m not going to deny that,” she replied, “you’re not going to join me?”

“Not everyone wears a swimsuit casually.” She laughed. He grazed his hand against the rim of her hat, and his eyes seemed to soften. The expression looked good on him. All the grumpy scowls he usually had clashed with his pretty face.

“I have a question.” He just hummed a response to show that he heard her.

“What are you?” His eyes immediately focused in on her. She swam closer to the shore so she could ask what’s been plaguing her mind. She sat down, her body covered halfway by the water, while the waves lapped at Scaramouche’s legs.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked evenly, eyes slightly narrowed. It didn’t intimidate her if that’s what he was going for.

“I can tell you’re not human.”

“And if I’m not?” he questioned.

She shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter to me.” His eyes widened, not expecting her response. She was Mona Megistus. Why would she get disturbed by those that are otherworldly? Lumine wasn’t even from this dimension and she was one of her best friends. If anything, it just intrigued her.

“It probably should,” he muttered, eyes hardening.

“Like I said it doesn’t,” she said firmly, “you’re curious about me. I’m curious about you. That’s all that matters to me.” Standing up, she walked towards him. His face was neutral but when he looked at her his eyes were teeming with emotion. They reminded her of storms.

“Thank you for this,” she said, “this place is beautiful.”

“There’s no need to thank me,” he responded. He suddenly held her hand as he stood up, and gently brought the top of it to his lips. The kiss was gentle and it felt like he sent shock waves up her arm. “Just keep meeting with me and we’re even.”

-

After that meeting it was as if a lock came undone. Scaramouche visited more and she always welcomed him. It was pointless to ignore the growing fondness she had for him. Despite it all Mona started to seek him out. The visits still stayed inconsistent, there’d be weeks in between, or sometimes he’d come multiple times a week. She didn’t ask where he’d go and always assumed it was work with the Fatui. In a way, not asking helped her pretend he didn’t work for them at all.

“Why do you stay here?” he asked. He didn’t look at her as he said this, instead his eyes focused on the stars above. She decided not to turn towards him either, also focusing on the sky. They laid side by side on her favorite blanket, and Mona couldn’t help but wonder how they got here.

“I like how the sky looks here.”

“Your master couldn’t be that mad at you? That you’d have to stay here forever.” He completely ignored her statement, cutting through her deflection. She stayed silent and thought about it. It’s true that she didn’t initially intend to stay in Mondstadt long. Her master always made threats, it was nothing new to her. But deep down she knew that nothing bad would actually happen to her if she returned.

“I suppose,” she sighed, “I’ve grown fond of this place.”

He doesn’t respond to that and she doesn’t feel the need to press. Despite all their meetings Mona felt like there was still such a gap between them. She knew she could be honest with him and he’d always be straight with her. He was refreshingly frank with her, yet he was never honest about himself.

It didn’t help that anytime she thought too long about his work a pit would form in her stomach. What would her friends think about these meetings? Would they understand at all? There was a pull that she felt to him that she couldn’t ignore anymore. In a way, she believed their fates were tied.

“What about you? Do you have somewhere to go back to?”

Initially there was no response. Mona was about to take back the question when he finally answered.

“No, I don’t.” It was simple, matter of fact, but she couldn’t help but feel sad for him. He wasn’t the type to be pitied though, so she knew another course of action needed to be taken.

She turned towards him, leaning against the palm of her right hand, and took a good look at him. He turned his head slightly to look back towards her.

“What?” he asked, annoyed. She flicked his forehead.

“What was that for?” he grumbled as he rubbed his forehead.

“I’m sure you have someplace you can go to.”

“I just said I don’t.” She sighed dramatically, and turned away to hide her face.

“Idiot, then why do you visit me so much? At this point you can just come back whenever and I’ll be here.” As soon as the words left her mouth she felt her face burn.

Again, there was just an overwhelming silence. It threatened to crush her but she refused to take back what she said. Mona could wait.

She had to hold herself back from flinching when she felt fingers caress her arm. Slowly they trailed to where she held her hands near her chest, before their fingers intertwined. Scaramouche held her close, and she could feel his breath against her cheek. A shaky breath was released from her as she relaxed into his embrace.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“But I do.”

“No you don’t, I’m a Fatui Harbinger for a reason.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.” She felt his grip tighten, and a chuckle escaped him.

“How would you know? I don’t even have a heart.”

“I understand you don’t have one physically.”

“And that doesn’t bother you at all?” He questioned.

“I believe being a person is more complex than what organs we have.”

“I’m not a person,” he said frankly.

“You’re right, but you have aspects of one, you feel things. You have a constellation like everyone else.”

“Then what have you read about me?”

She recalled his constellation in perfect clarity. It felt like it’s all she’s been looking at lately.

“Your path is ever shifting, and it’s been very long. You will seek something you desire but you cannot have it. You’ll gain it for a moment and then lose it all.”

He sighed.

“I see.”

“You’re not bothered?”

“I’m not weak enough to get bothered by you’re magic, and I make my own path. You do remember what I said?”

A nod was her only response. She squeezed his hand, unsure of what else she should say. So, she decided to say what she felt.

“At your core, you’re not a bad person. If anything you’re the exact opposite, but you hate that, and I don’t understand why.” She brought his wrist up to her mouth and pressed a kiss down on it. Where there should be a pulse she felt nothing. “Caring isn’t a weakness.”

She felt him let out a breath, before he tucked his head into her shoulder.

“You’re a strange woman you know that?” Mona couldn’t help but laugh.

“Isn’t that what you like about me,” she said, before her words got stifled by a yawn.

“You’re tired.”

“A little.” She felt his thumb stroke her wrist. The motion grounded her and began to lull her into a daze.

“Sleep, Mona.”

She let out a small hum, before she muttered, “Don’t tell me what to do.”

Her eyelids started to fall and the last thing she felt was a gentle kiss against her cheek. So light that it could’ve been the wind. The next morning she awoke in her room as if she had always been there.

-

It seemed that after this moment time passed blissfully. She continued her daily routine and would be pleasantly surprised when Scaramouche appeared. He now informed her when he’d be gone for longer periods, and even started to bring her gifts. There was an astrolabe from Liyue, a limited edition tome from Fontaine, and a beautiful pair of star earrings from Snezhnaya.

Mona had her pride, but she’d never turn down a gift. The first time she thanked him with a kiss on the cheek she thought she broke him. He just mumbled a “whatever” before turning away to hide his face. That same night he sent her off with a kiss on her forehead which had her bursting with joy on the way home.

It felt silly to feel this way, for this person. She knew what he was capable of, but she also knew his gentleness. But this shift was refreshing and so new. After all the divinations she’d made for others in this situation she never thought she’d be able to experience it for herself. It was magical in itself. No wonder people felt forever changed after it.

-

It was a windless night as Mona walked up the cliff to their usual spot. She felt uneasy, and she knew to trust her instinct. Her concerned gaze fell to Scaramouche.

“What’s wrong,” she asked, “I can feel you thinking from here.”

“Apologies,” he turned to her when she sat down.

“Oh, an apology,” she gasped, “so quick for a change.” Her attempt at lightening the mood didn’t work. He looked at her and she immediately noticed his guard was up.

“Hey.” She reached for his hand. “What’s wrong?” He looked down at their intertwined hands and squeezed it gently.

“I’m going to be gone for a while, I have a new job that’s more long term.”

“Fatui things?” She frowned.

“Yes.”

“Can you tell me anything about it?”

“No.” He sighed. “Just that this is an opportunity I’ve been seeking for a long time.”

Her thoughts returned to her divinations, what this could mean for him. What lessons he’d have to learn. She swallowed her nerves down. This was the path he walked, and it wasn’t something she’d discourage him from. It was his fate. Slowly, she released her grip on his hand before gently holding his face between her hands. At first he looked bewildered before he hid the emotion under annoyance. He ‘tsked’ before turning his face into one of her palms.

“Can you look at me Scaramouche?” He looked at her but didn’t turn his face. His palm rose up to cover one of her hands.

“Stay safe, and try not to cause too much trouble.” A stare was his response, before he burst out into a laugh.

“You’re so foolish! Shouldn’t you be trying to stop me? You know damn well what’s gonna happen.”

“You’re the foolish one.” He continued to just stare, violet eyes teemed with emotion.

“I know you’re not truly a bad person, but this is the path you’ll walk, and I know there’s something you’ll gain from all this.”

“You don’t believe I’ll succeed.”

She rubbed her thumbs against his cheeks, marveling at the smoothness as she pondered her words.

“You’ll find success in a way you don’t expect.” He huffed.

“You and your damn riddles,” he grumbled, “why aren’t you blunt with me like everyone else.”

“I am, you’re constellation is just a mess.”

“Haven’t I told you that it’s a lie anyway, everything about me is fabricated. I’m only meant to be a tool.” He frowned at her. Moving her hands, she released his face, and held one of his hands. They trembled slightly, he tightened his fists to hide them. She started to caress her thumb over his knuckles.

“You’re not a tool to me,” she said firmly, frustration building, “I lo —“ One of his hands covered her mouth so quickly she didn’t even realized he moved.

“Stop.” He said, anger laced his voice. “Do not say that to me. Please.” He sounded angry but when Mona looked into his eyes all she could see was confusion and an aching loneliness.

“I don’t deserve that.” She removed his hand from her mouth.

“Then when would you deserve it?”

“When I’m whole, when I’m not just a hollow shell.” He motioned to his chest. “This job is what I’m meant to do.”

“I was never stopping you.” She turned away and was about to stand up when he gripped her wrist.

“What is it?” She turned and he was much closer to her. His eyes looked determined with a hint of sadness. His palms now came up to cup her face mirroring her prior movements before he leaned forward to kiss her. It started gentle before deepening, his hand moved from her face to the back of her neck, guiding her against him. She let in a deep breathe when they separated.

“Why did you do that?” she asked, shock laced her voice. Her face burned.

“Just in case.” He answered in a whisper.

She gently pushed him away. “You’re so ridiculous.” He chuckled before he stood up. Looking down to her, his eyes were a little sad. A weight formed in her chest that seemed to transfer into her whole body.

“I have to go,” he said simply.

“Okay,” she said, “I’ll see you next time. I’m expecting us to have a long talk about…everything.” He gave her one of his rare small smiles and just nodded.

“Goodbye Mona.” She turned away to gaze at the horizon, the stars twinkled against the sea.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” she said. She turned her head hoping to see one last glimpse of him. The last sight she saw of Scaramouche was his back towards her as he walked into the distance, the tassels of his hate flowing in the wind. Mona tried to push down the weight in her chest, and ignore the finality she felt.

-

In the months that followed Mona thought about Scaramouche frequently. She wondered where he could be until rumors spread of Lumine’s arrival in Sumeru, and dissatisfaction amongst the Akademiya. Mona read his constellation right after hearing this and knew something was about to begin.

It was difficult to keep up with rumors from Sumeru, the story always felt like it shifted. The problems at the Akademiya were settled thanks to Lumine. Lesser Lord Kusanali held her position as archon, but with her memories shattered because of the events 500 years ago.

Mona wondered what it would be like to lose memories like that. If there would be a part of you that remembered despite it all.

It was pleasing to know that Lumine meddled in the affairs of another nation once more, but she couldn’t help the sadness she felt for Scaramouche. It was purely hypothetical, but from her readings, she just knew everything there formed around him. There was an anxiety she felt that surrounded his fate. Whenever she’d complete a divination for him it seemed like the paths were turning in on themselves.

It felt like when she wasn’t working that all her thoughts were overtaken by him. She felt the urge to travel to Sumeru and figure out where he was. Drag him kicking and screaming back to their cliff where they could stare at the horizon and all would be well.

These thoughts and urges continued to flood into her head.

Until one day she didn’t think of anything at all. The urge to travel to Sumeru vanished, and Mona couldn’t help but wonder why she wanted to visit in the first place.

Unknown to her, in Sumeru, a puppet wiped his existence from everywhere all at once. His final thoughts were of an old friend and of a dark haired girl with stars in her eyes.

-

Mona awoke to the feeling of Mondstadt summer, the heat mixed with the breeze gently waking her from her slumber. The sun shone through her open windows, the beams casting a light on her papers strewn upon her desk. She laid upon her bed and thought about all the columns, and the bills she needed to pay, but she hoped that at the end of season she’d be able to enjoy a nice dip in the water. And in between everything she’d always make time for the stars above.

At the end of the day she’d walk out onto the cliffs overlooking the sea, activate her scryglass, and gaze out into the horizon. There would be a feeling that something was missing, but she couldn’t figure out what it was.

[missmalyari]

A Fickle Thing Called Memory - Chapter 2

She continued to daydream these alternate paths when someone caught her eye. A man with short stature cuts a line across the crowd below, his large hat covering his face. The tassels hanging off it leave a pretty trail behind him. She can tell by the way people let him pass that he’s a prominent figure, and an intense one by the way people seem to stare at him. Not in fear, but curiosity.

AO3 LINK

CHAPTER 1

Mona frowned. There was something about the man that peaked her attention. She hadn’t even seen his face but there’s a familiarity to him that she couldn’t place. Yet, she knew she hadn’t met a man like that before.

Mona lived her life in Mondstadt following a simple routine, but some things began to feel off. It had been like this for months now. Towards the end of her day, as she’d set up her astrological equipment she’d feel strange. As if something was missing, but she couldn’t figure out what. She’d try so hard to figure out what she forgot but at the end of the night she’d feel frustrated. It ruined more research sessions than she’d care to admit.

Even worse, were the mysterious expensive pieces of equipment in her house. There was a fancy astrolabe from Liyue that was gorgeous but she did not remember where she received it from. A beautiful and endlessly useful tome that helped her with many questions. She wore these stunning star earrings out of habit but she also did not remember how she came across them. There wasn’t many things, but there was enough to know that something was wrong.

Mona couldn’t even ask her friends about it because what would she describe? That she’s having gaps in her memory? What if one of her friends gifted her some of these things and she forgot?

Impossible. Mona had fantastic memory and she always made sure gifts were repaid in kind. But, what were these gaps? And would they ever be fixed? Mona never liked to leave puzzles unsolved, especially if it was one in her own head.

The Steambird treated Mona well and funded her research, though not much else. She was aware that her spending was reckless, but she couldn’t help it. Living off of salads wasn’t too bad, and her landlord kept rent cheap. Mona was grateful for the opportunity to write All Things Astrological. It was one of her pride and joys. When people wrote to her about the knowledge they gained from the article, or even if they didn’t understand it fully but found it intriguing, she felt an endless wave of pride in her abilities.

The team treated her great too. They were communicative, gave fair critique, and let her have relative freedom with what she wanted to release. It was common to receive letters from the editors but when she opened up the latest she was greeted to a surprise.

“Lecturer Request for the Rtawahist Darshan Summer Program”

The Rtawahist school in the Akademiya of Sumeru was hosting a special summer series program which was supposed to be supplemental learning to their main degree. From what Mona heard of the Akademiya, she wouldn’t be surprised if this was actually required even if they say it’s supplemental. They were recruiting outside experts in the field of Astrology to be guest lecturers to expose the students to outside views. A novel decision. There had been rumors Sumeru went through some large shifts after Lesser Lord Kusanali halted the use of the Akasha System, maybe this was a result of that.

What really peaked her interest was the free room and board. Getting paid to write for The Steambird, teach, and not pay rent for three months. Mona knew this was an opportunity she could not pass up.

Of course being able to see the Rtawahist Darshan in person was a fantastic opportunity as well.

-

Mona was used to traveling but she had never been to Sumeru before. The path to get there was easy but it was long. It gave her time to think about what she wanted to teach. She debated going into more technical or ethical topics. Maybe she needed to see the environment of the Akademiya first before she decided. The easiest way to get to Sumeru was by traveling to Liyue and taking a ship to Port Ormos.

Port Ormos was bustling and so green. Mondstadt was green, but Sumeru was luscious. Trees, vines, and flowers seemed to be everywhere and everything was huge. The air had a thick humidity too it which made her bangs stick to her forehead. The Akademiya had already arranged transportation for her so she was grateful she didn’t need to worry about that, plus her funds were thin.

The staff of the Rtawahist Darshan greeted her warmly. The Acting Sage of the school introduced themselves to her and went over her schedule, where her lodgings would be, and other things about the school. Apparently they recently went through a reorganization and were going through a transition period. Mona understood this guest lecturer program was a support to help the school get back on their feet. She wondered if the removal of the Akasha System made things difficult for the students.

After her conversation with the Rtawahist Acting Sage she took a break on the second floor of the Akademiya. The floor she was on peered into a central area below where many students and staff members passed through. As she watched the students, she thought about her teacher and about how begrudgingly grateful she was for the old hag. The one on one instruction was beneficial, but part of her wondered what it would be like to study with a collective. Her natural talent would not have been cultivated to the degree it is currently, but maybe, she would have enjoyed the thrill of discovery within a group.

She continued to daydream these alternate paths when someone caught her eye. A man with short stature cuts a line across the crowd below, his large hat covering his face. The tassels hanging off it leave a pretty trail behind him. She can tell by the way people let him pass that he’s a prominent figure, and an intense one by the way people seem to stare at him. Not in fear, but curiosity.

Mona frowned. There was something about the man that peaked her attention. She hadn’t even seen his face but there’s a familiarity to him that she couldn’t place. Yet, she knew she hadn’t met a man like that before.

‘How curious,’ she thought to herself.

-

The day of her first lecture came quickly, and she decided to do something simple. She had a record of all her submissions to the Steambird and knew many in the Rtawahist followed the column, why not reuse the research while also going more in depth? It rewarded people who already followed the column and introduced it to others. It was why she was invited in the first place, might as well try to drive more traffic to it.

Some of her students were wary considering the wide age gap. But she felt confident that many would be invested in her teachings as lessons began to pick up. It had been a while since she taught anyone but whenever she spoke about astrology it came naturally to her.

When she finished a few people came up to her to speak about the concepts or to just express their admiration for the column. One girl that stood out came last and stumbled over her words.

“Um, I really admire your work Ms. Megistus.”

The girl was most likely only a few years younger than her, eye bags hung heavy under her golden eyes.

“Thank you!” Mona said cheerfully, enjoying the praise. “What is you name?”

“Layla,” she muttered while looking away.

“Good to meet you Layla, also no need to call me miss, especially when we’re done with lecture,” Mona said, “I don’t believe I’m that much older than you.”

“I don’t believe so, but our gaps in knowledge is wide.”

“You look like a hard worker so I wouldn’t focus too much on that. We all learn in different ways at different rates,” Mona responded. Not everyone has the opportunity to be taught by someone from the Hexenzirkel.

“I suppose so…are you enjoying Sumeru?”

“I have only been here a couple days but it is beautiful. Though, I haven’t had time to explore yet.”

Mona only really set up her temporary home and planned her lectures. Besides that she went to some of the local restaurants but she couldn’t explore anywhere else. Layla’s eyes seemed to shine.

“There’s going to be a festival in the Grand Bazaar tonight to celebrate the beginning of summer. My friend Nilou is going to perform, you should come.”

Layla looked eager and Mona knew it would be good for her to see what else Sumeru City had to offer.

“I’d love to!”

-

The Grand Bazaar was amazing. Layla showed her around and quietly explained to her the different stalls. There was one stall that sold various astrology equipment which caught her eye immediately. Sumeru’s instrumentation was on another level of innovation. Mona was perusing the selection when another student she recognized drew Layla’s attention.

“Layla! Nilou needs help with something backstage, could you come real quick?”

Layla looked at Mona, distress building in her expression.

“I’m so sorry I don’t want to leave you alone like this.”

“The show must go on right,” Mona waved her off, “don’t worry about it, I can handle myself.”

Layla apologized profusely again before leaving with her peer. Mona continued to ponder the instrumentation, doing calculation in her head before someone else greets her.

“Hello!” She turned and realized the voice was lower. Looking down, she was met with the eyes of a short white haired girl. Mona recognized the Archon immediately.

“Hello! You are Lesser Lord Kusanali correct?”

She laughed lightly.

“Yes, I am. But, please call me Nahida. I heard the Akademiya invited guest lecturers from abroad so I wanted to introduce myself. I haven’t had time to visit lately.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Nahida, I’m Mona, from Mondstadt.”

“Ah, the Nation of Freedom. I haven’t seen Barbatos in a long while. Are you enjoying the sights of Sumeru.”

Mona smiled widely at Nahida.

“I am! It’s beautiful. I haven’t explored much yet, but I want to make the time.”

“I wouldn’t want to leave a guest from afar to explore for themselves…let me think.” Nahida seemed to ponder before something behind Mona caught her eye.

“Perfect timing!” Nahida clapped her hands together, “Wanderer, come here.” She made a gesture for the person behind her, Wanderer, to come closer.

Mona turned around, curious about who this Wanderer was, and her eyes met dark blue ones. She recognized the man she saw in the Akademiya immediately, his outfit was unique. His hair was chopped short and he had a handsome face. The expression he had was even but something seemed to flash in his eyes before Mona could catch what it was.

“Hurry up,” Nahida said, “don’t leave our guest waiting.” Nahida’s voice snapped her out of her daze. She was so focused on the man in front of her it almost felt like everyone else faded away. Wanderer walked closer towards her and when she was within reach she reached out her hand.

“Hello, my name is Mona Megistus, guest lecturer at the Rtawahist school.” He gripped her hand with a firm shake, his skin was cool to the touch, before he let go. Mona was almost disappointed.

What was wrong with her?

“Wanderer, correct?” Mona asked. What a strange title.

“Yes,” he said evenly. His voice was deeper than she expected. The tone seemed to ring in her ears, a feeling she couldn’t place lingered in the back of her mind.

“Have we met before?” Mona asked.

His expression seemed to shift slightly.

“I’m not sure, have we?”

Not a straight answer. While Mona pondered it she didn’t notice the ever growing curiosity growing on Nahida’s face.

Mona always knew to trust her intuition. Right now, every fiber in her being told her that she couldn’t let this man out of her sight.

“It’s rude to give such a vague answer,” Nahida said lightly, “but the reason I called him here was to offer his services. He’s lived in Sumeru for a bit now so he can show you around.”

Something flashed in the mans eyes once again.

“What? You can’t just offer me up like that.”

His voice was laced with annoyance. Mona didn’t want to force him into anything but…

“I’d really appreciate it!” Mona said,”I’m self-efficient but it’s always helpful to have a guide. I can return the favor somehow.”

Wanderer still looked annoyed, but he turned away from her eager gaze. Nahida looked pleased with herself.

“Fine,” he muttered.

“Great! Should we meet up anywhere specific? I can give you my schedule.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, “I’ll just find you. We can work it out later.”

An announcement that the dance was about to begin interrupted their conversation. Wanderer, Mona, and Nahida all moved to get a closer view. Nilou was a beautiful dancer, but she couldn’t focus because all she could think about was the man next to her.

-

True to his word, Wanderer found her shortly after her class ended. On the way back to her lodgings, she felt the rush of wind and heard steps behind her. She turned and was greeted to him landing on the ground nonchalantly.

“Hey,” he said, tone even.

“Hey!” Mona said, “You have something planned for me?”

“Planned is an overstatement, but I do have someplace to take you.”

He looked at her, eyes unreadable.

“It’s a quick boat ride and another 30 minutes. Do you mind the walk?”

“Of course not, let me just get my things and we can head out.”

Mona was happy to see the sights outside Sumeru City. The green never ceased to impress her.

“Are you close with Nahida?” she asked. They walked in silence for far too long now.

Wanderer scoffed.

“Close? I owe her but I wouldn’t say close.”

Though the words sounded harsh, his tone lacked any real venom.

“Did she help you when you first moved here?”

“Something like that.”

Mona hummed in response. She wondered if she should ask another question when Wanderer interrupted her thoughts.

“Are you going to be here for the whole summer?”

“That’s the plan,” Mona said, “it’s great to see the Akademiya in person, plus I’ve spoken with the faculty prior due to my column for the Steambird.”

“I’m familiar with it.”

Mona shot him a look, he looked back at her.

“You’ve read my work?”

“Some, not exactly something I’m into. I don’t put much weight into astrology.”

Mona frowned but found she wasn’t that bothered. Everyone didn’t need to believe in astrology.

“That’s a shame. You should sit in on some of my lectures. Maybe you’ll find it interesting.”

She might have been finding excuses to spend some more time with the man. Wanderer scoffed.

“As fun as it sounds to look at you for hours, I have my own classes to attend.”

Mona would’ve blanched at the blatant flirt if she wasn’t focused on another fact he mentioned.

“You’re a student?”

“Vahuma”

“Aetiology? You enjoy history?”

She paused her steps now, wanting to really listen to what he said. He stopped with her and turned towards her. The air between them felt light.

“I’m familiar with a lot of events. Wouldn’t say I’m interested.” She swore every time he spoked it sounded like he was rolling his eyes.

“Why did you enroll?”

“I didn’t. They liked some essays I submitted so they encouraged me to join. Nahida forced the matter.”

Mona perked up at the statement.

“Can I read them?”

“No.”

Mona let out a frustrated huff. Despite enjoying their conversation Wanderer was a puzzle to talk through. Yet she wasn’t annoyed, it felt more like a welcome challenge. Wanderer continued to move ahead of her and she followed behind. She felt like she had seen the sight of his back towards her before. The way the tassels of his hat flowed and rang in the wind seemed to knock against something in her memory once again.

-

Wanderer took her to The Palace of Alcazarzaray, owned by a rather wealthy merchant in Sumeru named Dori. She allowed people to sightsee around the palace usually for a fee, but the merchant owed Wanderer so they got in for free. The palace was stunning. It looked as if it was floating in the trees and the waterfall rushed in the background. A fountain served as a center point and the place extended from there. She could see the palace on one end and a gazebo on the other. Bright large blue flowers lined the pathways that led towards the palace.

Mona was intrigued by the view from the gazebo and moved towards there, she could hear the steps from Wanderer behind her. She gasped at the view. From here the trees looked almost like a sea of green, with splotches of color.

“This is gorgeous, we’re so high up.”

“I could always take you higher.”

Mona laughed, she looked at him and gave him a wide smile.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Wanderer rolled his eyes and looked away, a small smile seemed to tug at his lips. She reached into her bag and pulled out her Kamera, she finally had enough money to buy a smaller model. It was perfect timing for this trip even if she had to eat salad for two weeks.

“Can you take a photo of me?” Wanderer stared at the Kamera for a moment before he slowly grabbed it.

“Don’t expect anything much,” he muttered.

Mona posed in front of the view and gave her best smile. Wanderer seemed to pause for a moment.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, just keep smiling,” he said.

She smiled again and Wanderer took the photo. She hid the fresh print in her bag so the light wouldn’t damage it.

“Now let’s take a photo together.”

“I’d rather not,” Wanderer said.

“Come on,” she said, “you’re technically a part of the moment too.”

“Why does that matter?”

“Well, because I want to remember you of course.”

The statement was oddly vulnerable for her, but it felt like the right thing to say. Something flashed in Wanderer’s eyes before Mona could register what it was he looked away. His fists were closed tight and Mona wondered what she said that made him react this way. The moment passed quickly before he relaxed.

“Okay.”

Mona smiled and moved closer towards him. She positioned the Kamera above their heads and she gave a peace sign as she leaned against him. Taking these were easy now after all her photos with Fischl.

She took the photo quickly and moved the film into her bag.

“Thank you,” she said.

“No problem,” he said, “let’s look around some more before we head back.”

-

They explored the palace and walked around the surrounding area. Wanderer told her more about the building and the student Kaveh who designed it. It sounded like Wanderer respected his skills but didn’t have a lot of respect for his behavior. The design of the palace as a whole was beautiful so Mona wondered if she’d ever meet him. She always enjoyed meeting talented people, the hard work they put into their skills was infectious. Meeting passionate people always made her feel driven.

It seemed like the hours passed quickly before they made their way back to Sumeru City and Wanderer decided to surprise her with his ability to fly. He asked her if she wanted to get to the city quicker and she agreed. Little did she know that he was going to literally sweep her off her feet and the force of the wind almost made her lose her hat.

“Thanks for showing me the palace,” Mona said as she leaned against her doorway, trying to regain her composure. Wanderer stood in front of her, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“It’s not like I had a choice in the matter.” Mona rolled her eyes at the response.

“Do you have anything else to show me?”

Wanderer tilted his head.

“What? Can’t get enough of me?” he said.

“It’s just useful to have a guide that can fly around,” she responded lightly.

“Didn’t sound so useful when you were screaming,” he teased, “but, I can figure out some things for us to do.” She beamed at him, ignoring the first half of his statement.

Mona was about to say goodnight before she remembered something else she wanted to do.

“Let’s look at the photos.” She rushed to pull the photos out of her bag. Her solo photo with the view turned out well despite Wanderer’s attitude. The green looked so lush behind her even though the view in person was better.

The photo with the two of them made her pause. She smiled widely while leaning against him and she didn’t notice he also leaned towards her. Wanderer looked straight to the camera, his eyes looked content and his expression relaxed into a small smile. It was a cute photo.

Along with happiness it felt as if a wave of sadness rushed over her.

Mona peered at Wanderer and his expression stilled her. His eyes looked like they were deep in thought as he stared at the photo. She swallowed a lump in her throat.

“It’s a really nice photo,” she said.

“Yes, it is,” Wanderer said quietly, as he turned around and got ready to leave.

“Wait!” Mona said. Wanderer exhaled before he turned around.

“Do you want to keep this?’’

“I thought you wanted it to remember me?”

“Well this isn’t the last time we’re hanging out right? We’ll take plenty more.” She waved the photo towards him. “Also, maybe I want you to remember me too.”

He grabbed it gently, taking it by the corner.

“You seem like you’re hard to forget,” he muttered, “thank you and good night Mage.”

“Good night Wanderer.”

-

Mona was exhausted. She hadn’t taught anyone this much in a long time. But, she was grateful. She enjoyed interacting with the students and they were all so eager to learn. Despite her worries, none of them looked down upon her for being younger since age didn’t seem to matter in the Akademiya.

The bustle of the students relaxed her as she sat down to eat her lunch. It was a gorgeous, lusciously green, salad. Though she wasn’t paying rent here, she decided it was prudent to not splurge on pointless things like food. She reflected back on her large purchase at the Grand Bazaar as she began to eat, until a gust of wind almost knocked over her bowl.

“Excuse me!” she looked up, already predicting who to expect. Wanderer let out a small chuckle. She glared at him. He had not made an appearance to her since their initial outing which had been a couple days ago. Mona saw him going on about the Akademiya but she never got a chance to talk to him.

“Are they not paying you enough here or something?” Wanderer said, tilting his head towards her bowl.

“They’re paying me just fine,” she said, “maybe I just enjoy a good salad.”

“What a pity,” he said, “I was just about to invite you out for lunch.”

Mona felt her heartbeat quicken.

“Oh? What’s the occasion?”

“Am I not allowed to treat a guest?”

Mona smiled at him, hearing the magic word made her heart and stomach flip.

“Well, if it’s your treat, of course!’

-

Wanderer recommended her various dishes and she tried them all with a passion. Her favorite was the Fatteh which Wanderer teased her about. The beans, bread, and yogurt all blended together to make a lovely soft texture with an easy flavor.

“Truly, I can tell you’re from Mondstadt, of course you’d like the plainest dish.”

“You can’t make fun of me since your Vision is blessed from our Nation.” She shoved another helping of Fatteh into her mouth.

“Well, doesn’t the blessing of Freedom mean I can do what I want?”

“What a shallow way of viewing it.”

Wanderer chuckled at her comment. She looked at him and noticed he had a relaxed expression. He looked down at his own meal chewing on small bites. She noticed the way his jaw moved, the click of his teeth. It felt like she was trying to piece something together every time she was with him.

They finished their meal in a comfortable silence while Mona’s head continued to spin.

After their meal, Wanderer again walked her back to her place. She looked up at the stars as they walked, asking a silent question to them as she read their patterns. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Wanderer looking at her silently, the bells on his hat letting out a comforting chime. Mona wondered if she closed her eyes and just listened to it, would she be able to remember what plagued her?

“We’re here,” Wanderer said.

“Oh! Thank you,” she said. Wanderer fixed her with a stern look.

“Are you alright? You’re rather quiet.”

“Are you worried about me,” she teased. The man scoffed at her and turned away. She reached out her hand and grabbed him by the wrist.

“Wait,” Mona said quickly. Heat rose up her cheeks, the humid air of Sumeru not providing any comfort. Suddenly she realized this wasn’t well thought out. What did she even want to say? Wanderer just looked at her, turning in her direction and waiting.

“Thanks again for spending time with me,” she said.

“There’s no need to thank me,” Wanderer said. But there was. She could feel it in her bones that she needed to thank him, for this and more. But there was something else. Deep down she could feel something other than gratefulness. A sad, angry feeling.

This guy made her feel so many things and she hasn’t even known him for that long. She was determined to figure this out before she left Sumeru.

Mona let his wrist slip from her fingers. She felt a pang in her chest at the loss of contact.

“Will I see you again?”

Wanderer looked at her a small smile grazed his lips as he tilted his head back.

“Of course, I still have more places to show you.”

It was as if her whole heart lit up at his words. She took a couple steps to be closer to him. He stiffened slightly but didn’t back away.

“I look forward to it,” she said softly. Mona gently tilted her head and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. She backed away and noticed his eyes wide with shock.

She wrung her hands together as she could feel her face burning up.

“Um, thanks again! Goodnight!” she said quickly as she turned away and ran back into her room, slamming the door behind him. Mona’s body slumped against the doorway as she shoved her face in her hands. The last thing she heard was light laughter and a gust of wind.

-

True to his word Wanderer did show her many places as the summer moved along. He took her to Port Ormos again where he treated her to a Sumeru published astronomy tome, teasing her about how expensive these things were. As he gave her the gift she couldn’t help but wonder how it felt so familiar. When they found a place to relax she poured over the contents of it. Wanderer was content to watch, but she could feel him brush away stray strands of hair from her face. The feather light touch made her lose focus every time.

They went mushroom picking in Mawtiyima Forest for a commission he took on. He said he didn’t take them often but he found the area pleasant. The light shining through the umbrella-like trees were stunning. She snapped a photo of the area and continued to stare out into the distance.

“This is so amazing,” she muttered.

Wanderer walked up next to her, elbowing her gently.

“I’m glad it’s so easy to impress you.”

Mona scoffed and looked back him. She liked when he looked like this, at ease. There were times when he’d look so upset, or even angry, but mostly he looked sad. When she’d draw his attention the emotion would be gone. She quickly took a photo of him. Wanderer lunged for the Kamera but she dodged away in a splash of water.

“I’m glad I came here,” Mona said. The two of them relaxed under the shade of one of the larger trees. She was slightly out of breathe after getting chased by him. He was one of few people who could keep up with her.

“Mondstadt is beautiful, but it’s nice to see what else is out there.”

“You don’t travel a lot?”

“I did when I was training under the old hag,” she replied, “but, I didn’t really have time to enjoy the scenery.” She also didn’t have the money but there was no way she’d tell him that.

Her thoughts wandered to the hag and wondered what she’d think of this situation. With a shudder Mona decided to be glad she wasn’t here. She didn’t need to be embarrassed in front of Wanderer.

“What about you? I know you’re from Inazuma, but did you travel anywhere else before coming here.”

She looked at him and saw he seemed to look far away, as if he was lost in the memory.

“I’ve been to many places,” he responded, “similar to you I was too busy to really enjoy anything.”

“That’s a shame…” she said, “no favorite spots?”

Wanderer chuckled at her question and rolled his eyes.

“Do you really want to know?” he asked.

She jabbed a finger into his ribs. He laughed a little louder, his blue eyes seemed to shimmer.

“Fine fine, stop that.” He swatted her finger away.

“Mondstadt,” Wanderer said smoothly.

Mona jabbed another finger at him and he dodged.

“I’m being serious,” he said through laughter.

Mona could feel something bubbling up within her again. A suspicion. A hurt. A forgotten moment she could not hold on to.

“Why do you say that?” she said.

Wanderer looked at her, his small smile grazing his face once more. It seemed to appear more and more each time they hung out.

“I just felt at ease when I was there, I haven’t been back in a while.”

Mona was getting sick of this. Was this some sort of message? Or was she just reading too much into everything he said. But, she didn’t want to ruin this moment because he was looking at her like she was something to cherish. She choked down the questions she wanted to ask him and instead made a simple request.

“Maybe you could visit me sometime, I can take you to my favorite spots.”

Another flash of sadness crossed his eyes, for someone who came off as rude he really showed everything through them. Mona was getting better at reading him. He brushed her bangs away from her forehead and brushed his lips against it. She could feel his breathe against her head as he gave her a short kiss.

“Maybe,” he muttered against her. Mona tilted her head to look up at him but he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She could feel her heart beating quickly and as she leaned against him she heard nothing.

-

It seemed like every meeting after that the tension between them grew more and more. He held her hand more as they traveled, held her closer when they flew. She gave him a goodbye kiss on the cheek every night they parted. Wanderer liked to kiss her hand when they’d meet at the Akademiya between classes. She felt like she was about to burst with anticipation.

Currently, she was alone on the second floor of the Akademiya when she heard steps walking towards her. She looked out of the corner of her eye and noticed it was Nahida.

“Hello Lesser Lord Kusanali,” she gave a short bow as she stood up.

“Oh there’s no need for that,” Nahida said, friendly as ever, “you only have a couple weeks left here right?”

Mona didn’t want to think about it. A pit in her stomach seemed to grow at the thought of leaving.

“Yes,” Mona said, “it’s been a wonderful experience being here.” Besides all her adventures with Wanderer, she really liked the students she taught. It would be sad to leave them.

“What a shame, you’ve been lovely to have around,” Nahida said, “I know Wanderer will be sad to see you go.” Mona didn’t know what to say to that.

Nahida just looked at her, with silent encouragement. If anyone would know anything it would be an Archon.

“He’s been amazing,” she said simply, because it was the truth. “I will miss him too.”

All the feelings she had seemed to bubble up within her again, and they were only getting worse at the thought of leaving. Somehow, she needed to get her concerns out to somebody.

“Nahida,” Mona said, “have I met Wanderer before?”

“That is something you should ask him.” Mona made an exasperated groan.

“I doubt he’d answer me honestly.”

Nahida just gave her a small smile and shrugged.

“You’ll never know until you try.”

-

Mona was off the day after that conversation with Nahida, and Wanderer told her he had something to show her that was farther outside of the city. The wind whipped across her as he carried her across the land. She wrapped her arms around his neck and she focused in on the feeling of his arms around her waist. The ground below them went from a luscious green to a rolling yellow of the desert. She tucked her face into Wanderer’s neck to avoid dust from hitting her face. He chuckled and she could feel the vibration of his chest through her.

“Don’t worry we’re almost there.”

She shut her eyes and she could feel them going higher and higher until he said that they arrived.

Mona opened her eyes as she was placed down to a beautiful sight. In front of her was a great light coming out of a square indentation of the roof they were on. Wanderer and her stood on the outer raised edge. It was windy, she held onto her hat as she stared at the light escaping the building before she turned around to the breathe taking sight behind her. The building they were on top of must have been tall because they were high.

She could see the rolling waves of sand melt into the tree lines of the forest, and the tiny dots of the desert villages. The mountains of Liyue peaking out in the distance. Wanderer had moved closer to the edge of the square they were on, peering out at the distance before him. The wind ruffled his clothes and the chimes let out their beautiful sound. She pulled out her Kamera and took a photo. Wanderer turned his head slightly at the sound of the shutter, looking at her from the corner of his eye. Mona quickly placed the photo in her pack, worried it would fly away from the wind, before she looked back at him.

His eyes were focused on her and Mona couldn’t help but think that maybe this was how she wanted to remember him. Surrounded by the glow of the Sumeru sunset. As the sun began to set below the horizon she almost felt like she was looking at him in Mondstadt, at the edge of her favorite cliff, looking at her with that same expression.

A lump formed in her throat.

“I’m going to be leaving soon,” she said, “and I want you to be honest with me, Wanderer.”

Wanderer stared at her, tilting his body so he was fully facing her.

“Have we met before?”

Wanderer clicked his teeth and turned slightly away.

“I already answered that.”

“No.” She moved closer to him, not wanting to let him escape even though he could fly away if he wanted to. “You said, ‘I don’t know, have we?’”

“And have we?” He answered back.

Mona let out a groan and turned away from him, she was tempted to push him off the edge.

“Why does it matter anyway?” he asked her, frustration dripping in his voice.

“It matters to me,” she said angrily. Mona spent so many nights analyzing his constellation, wondering if there was any sign that the stars could give her. She had never seen a constellation so even before, it looked almost artificial. It lined up with her theory that he wasn’t completely human. In her readings all she could conclude was that he would experience a reunion.

“I feel like I’ve been going crazy,” she said, “I’ll be having so much fun with you, but then I’ll start to feel so sad. As if I’ve been missing you for a long time.” Mona let out a shuddering breathe.

“I pride myself in my knowledge, in my memory,” she continued, “and yet I feel like I’m missing something. I can almost reach it but I can’t hold onto it. It feels like something was taken from me.”

“Maybe,” Wanderer replied, “you’re better off not remembering.”

“That’s not your place to decide,” she said to him as she turned back towards him. Mona felt like these emotions were embedded into her even if she didn’t remember why. Wanderer looked at her, eyes widened slightly.

“I care about you,” she muttered, and turned her face away from him as she gathered herself, tears threatening to spill over. So many emotions welled up within her including one she was no longer afraid to acknowledge.

“I think I even loved you. Even if I can’t remember how or when, I can just feel it within me. As crazy as it sounds.” Wanderer stepped towards her and reached up to cradle her face within his hands. He tiled her gaze gently towards him.

“I don’t deserve you. The person I was back then didn’t and I don’t deserve you now.” His eyes were a storm. It looked like every emotion he hid was in full view.

“When I heard you were coming I knew logically I should have left. Even if it was just for the summer. But part of me hoped, that you would remember me, even if I knew it was impossible.” His eyes roamed her face as if memorizing every curve, his thumbs caressing the rise of her cheekbones.

“But I didn’t,” she muttered, “I tried so hard, but I couldn’t.”

“I think you’ve remembered what matters most,” he replied, “I took you to all these places so you could have more memories of me, to replace the ones I’ve taken.”

The admission relieved her. She could question the process, the hows, and the whys, but right now she was just glad to finally have the satisfaction that she was right. A wide smile appeared on her face as she just felt so filled with happiness.

“I’m sure you owe me a lot more then.”

He let out a light laugh, the light from the pyramid reflecting in his eyes.

“We have plenty of time,” he replied.

She leaned forward and captured his lips with her own. Wanderer was shocked for a moment but he quickly returned the kiss with a fervor. His hands tilting her farther back to deepen the kiss. Maybe he was right, even if she didn’t have the specifics, she knew deep down that this felt right.

-

A couple months later, Mona walked across the fields of Mondstadt to her favorite stargazing spot. Her summer teaching role in Sumeru ended but she got such wonderful reviews they were considering inviting her again. Mona said she was always willing to return. The breeze kissed her skin and despite being glad to be back home she couldn’t help but miss Sumeru.

She walked up the cliff side and set up her equipment and as she began a flash of movement and a gust of wind took her by surprise. Mona looked up and saw Wanderer floating above her, his body framed by the starry sky. He laughed at her surprised expression as he floated down towards her.

“I haven’t even been gone for that long and you already flew to see me,” Mona said.

“Oh please, don’t act like you’re not happy to see me,” he responded as he took her into his arms, wrapping her in a tight hug. Wanderer tilted his head into her shoulder, and she could feel his breathe against her.

“I’ve missed you,” he mumbled quietly. She tilted away from him, cupped his face, and gave him a quick kiss. He responded with a small smile.

“I’ve missed you too,” Mona said. She gestured to her stargazing set up.

“Would you like to join me?”

“Of course,” Wanderer said.

Mona felt like his expression was better than any star she’d see tonight.

[atimefordragons]

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before ... And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming — THE RAVEN, EDGAR ALLAN POE

[missmalyari]

A Time Loop of Our Own

“Would you?” Dan Heng said as he looked back at her. “Would I what?” Stelle responded, distracted by his soft gaze. “Rewind time? For this?” “I guess it depends how this moment ends,” she said softly.

AO3 LINK

Stelle was lucky she didn’t spend more time being dead, or to put it nicely, a walking bundle of memories. The 15 Entry Hour time limit made everyone rush into action. It was a challenge to find Thanatos, but with everyone’s help Castorice and her were able to retrieve her soul.

But, she hated having to return without Castorice. Was it going to be like this for every Chrysos Heir? Would she have to say goodbye to everyone she has come to call a friend? She does not know if in her past she’s experienced loss, but Amphoreus has been a sobering time.

She thinks of Dan Heng and vows she won’t say goodbye to him so quickly.

Stelle had become intimately familiar with Okhema, and its citizens familiar with her. Whenever things weren’t falling apart, Dan Heng and her fell into a comfortable routine. Stelle would train with Mydei and Phainon, then only Phainon when Mydei stayed at Castrum Kremnos. She used to spend time with Castorice but she’s gone too. Tribbie and Aglaea have their own bond that she doesn’t want to disturb, and she doesn’t know Cipher well. Hyacine’s busy working and helping Dan Heng with research.

When alone, she enjoyed roaming the city streets and inquiring about anything that peaked her interest. The endless day made the skies clear and Okhema seemed to span endlessly. If there was trouble she’d always stop to help, even if it was a minuscule thing. The Holy City was fascinating, nothing like the bustle of Penacony or the efficiency of the Xianzhou Luofu. She could almost relate it to Belabog, beautiful but isolated by things seemingly outside their control.

Okhema felt ancient, but Stelle wondered how much of what they’ve learned was true.

Dan Heng was fascinated with piecing this information together. Early on she spent most of her time with him, now he spent much of his free time in the libraries and traveling to the Grove. She knew the Data Bank was bursting with new information. Stelle saw him less and less throughout the day, but they always found time to chat before bed.

She entered their shared bedroom and noticed him lying in his cot, a scroll floating near his face. Scrolls surrounded his side of the room while various weapons and trinkets were on hers. Stelle felt like this man would read forever if he could. While she loved a good story, she could not stay put for endless hours.

“Hey stranger,” she said, taking her place in her own cot. She really missed her bed on the Express. Turning to him, she noticed his lips twitched into a small smile. With a wave of his hand the scroll he read rolled shut.

“Hello,” he responded, “what did you do today?”

He always asked her the same question and she never felt like he feigned interest. Dan Heng wasn’t quick to show his emotions but she learned to tell by his eyes. They always showed a curious gleam when he asked her about her day. It made her want to always have something interesting to tell.

“Took down a counterfeit artifact business.”

Dan Heng let out a light huff.

“Really?” He said incredulously. Stelle laughed at his reaction. The diverse amount of tasks she managed to complete always baffled Dan Heng.

“I noticed them up-selling this shield, talking about how it’s an ancient artifact from one of the gods,” she said, “but it was so easy to break it was obviously not true, plus I got Chartonus to give his opinion.”

“Con artists are everywhere no matter where you travel,” Dan Heng said.

Stelle hummed in agreement, thinking about the odd similarities Amphoreus had despite its isolation to the other planets they visited.

“What did you do today?” she asked.

Dan Heng turned towards her, amused at her question. Stelle had a feeling she knew what he was going to tease her about.

“Are you sure you want to know?” he asked lightly, “Or are you just going to fall asleep during my explanation?”

Stelle looked away from him and huffed. Guilty, but she really couldn’t help it.

“It’s not my fault. It’s late, and your voice is soothing.”

Dan Heng let out a small ‘tsk’ but a light blush grazed his cheeks.

“You really can just say those things so easily,” he mumbled.

“Fine,” he said in a clear voice, “I was practicing my cloud-hymn magic today. I think I have it but I just need to refine the technique.”

Stelle didn’t know the specifics of cloud-hymn magic, but she knew Dan Heng looked great whenever he used it.

“Oh? Is it different using it here?” Stelle asked.

“In theory it shouldn’t be, but maybe Amphoreus waters has unique properties. It takes more effort to get under control.”

Stelle nodded not really understanding how water could be different but she’s seen stranger things. Dan Heng must have realized this because he started to explain why the differences could have occurred, his theories, and how he adjusted his methods. Dan Heng’s voice seemed to flow through her whole body, easing any tension she gained from throughout the day. Much to her chagrin she was quickly falling asleep. If she was more lucid she’d almost think he was talking more on purpose. The few moments she could look at him his smile seemed to grow slightly wider as he gazed at her.

She did make an effort to nod along to what he said, even a mumble of a question that made him chuckle, but the conclusion was the same. The last thing she felt was the soft plush of a blanket being draped over her, and the grazing of fingertips against her cheek.

Stelle was lulled into a peaceful sleep, she’d like to think the voice of the Stellaron would never be able to pierce it.

———

Visiting the Grove was a rare occurrence for Stelle, but she was finally able to carve out some free time to go with Dan Heng. She felt like every Chrysos Heir and citizen alive wanted her attention. Normally it would be flattering, but she wanted some alone time with her fellow Astral Express member.

Plus, she could finally catch up on the action series she started. She kept forgetting to ask Dan Heng to grab it for her. Stelle sat on the floor of the Inner Grove, trying her best to be cozy. It was silent besides the sounds of fluttering wings and running water.

Dan Heng could partake in his research while she read the joys of a dramatic fight. If March were here she’d probably tease Stelle about taking a break during the few moments they aren’t fighting. Stelle’s focus wavered as she thought about March 7th, and her mind traveled to Himeko, Welt, and Pom-Pom. Hopefully, Sunday and Black Swan were behaving.

It felt like they’ve been gone for a long time. Has it been a month? Two? Dan Heng probably had a better idea, her internal clock was ruined after experiencing the endless daytime.

A tap on her shoulder jolted her out of her thoughts.

“Sorry,” Dan Heng said. He knelt down next to her, his hand hovered above her shoulder.

“I just wanted to check in,” he said.

Stelle smiled at him. Dan Heng always grounded her. His eyes were focused on her, his eyebrows pinched slightly in. Always so dependable, and always so worried.

“I’m fine,” Stelle responded, “I was just thinking about the Express.” She could hear her tone and she hated it. It wasn’t her job to be a downer.

“They’re really missing out on a lot.” she continued in a lighter tone. “When we get back we need to make them so jealous.”

Dan Heng’s smile lifted her mood.

“I’m sure they’ll be filled with envy,” he said.

He looked away for a brief moment before looking back towards her, his eyes showed a sense of resolve.

“I have something to show you.”

He rose up from where he knelt and held his hand towards her. She looked up at him and remembered when she first met him. It was so confusing back them. It’s at times confusing now.

At least he’s here and at least they’re closer.

“What is it?” she asked, as she took his hand and he gently guided her up.

“A surprise,” he said,”I’m 80% certain you haven’t discovered it.”

“80%? Why?”

“Well, I got there by accident while I was training with Amphoreus’ water.”

Stelle laughed. Imagining him doing anything by accident was difficult.

“Okay, well I’m assuming you’re going to show me the fruits of you labor?”

Dan Heng just smiled and motioned her to come closer to him as he pulled out a flask of water.

———

While the portals of Janus felt like she was getting tugged away, traveling with Dan Heng’s waters felt like floating. When her surroundings came into focus she realized Dan Heng’s assumption was correct. She had never been here. Instead of high above the trees, surrounded by sky, they were surrounded by a rocky cavern, a large pool of water in front of them. The water was illuminated by what looked like glowing plants beneath surface. Green and blue light seemed to shimmer below, with hints of orange peeking through.

“Wow.” Stelle said, “what a find.” It was beautiful. If she had seen something like this she didn’t remember it.

“It’s a shame the camera is out of storage,” he responded. It really was, she thought to herself. Everyone would have loved this.

She took in the surroundings more before turning her gaze to Dan Heng. He was staring at her, taking in her reactions. The light from the plants flickered across his face. It made her want to run her finger tips over the planes of his cheeks.

As much as she wished to see the rest of the Express again, she was grateful she could share this moment with him.

“That’s a new trick you have,” she said, “now I get how you travel here so frequently. Got anything else up your sleeve?”

Dan Heng chuckled before grazing the tips of his fingers against her knuckles.

“The demigod is asking me about tricks?” he said lightly.

“Careful, maybe I rewound time to relive this moment. I already know everything you’re about to say,” she whispered.

Dan Heng looked away to the water, but she could see his cheeks lift into a smile. It was gratifying getting him to smile like that. She wanted to make him smile all the time.

“Would you?” he said as he looked back at her.

“Would I what?” Stelle responded, distracted by his soft gaze.

“Rewind time? For this?”

“I guess it depends how this moment ends,” she said softly. Her eyes flickered towards his lips and back to his eyes. Dan Heng moved closer towards her and gently held one of her hands. She wondered if she should touch him, but she felt frozen. His gaze was soft but determined.

Dan Heng tilted his head slowly down towards her and she lifted her head in return, trying her best to hold back her eagerness. Their lips touched and she felt like the Stellaron was going to burst from her chest. The kiss was gentle. The kiss was exactly what she needed.

They separated and Dan Heng looked down at her looking pleased.

“So, what’s your answer?” Dan Heng said.

Stelle tilted her head up towards him and tapped a finger against her chin.

“I don’t see any need to rewind time when you could just kiss me again,” she said.

Dan Heng bit his lip and looked away but she could see red trailing up his neck.

“You’re unbelievable you know that?” he said.

Before she could respond he tilted her face towards him and he kissed her again. She didn’t tell him but she would live this moment over and over again if she could.

———

Stelle entered their shared bedroom to see Dan Heng on his cot organizing his supplies. He was going to join them to retrieve Aquila’s coreflame. She was happy because it’s been a while since they’ve done something big like this together, but she was tense because this was the final stretch. They didn’t have a clear idea of what ushering Era Nova would be like.

“Hey handsome,” she said, sitting next to him, careful to not bump into his supplies. Dan Heng let out a hum as he reached next to her and squeezed her leg before going back to his task.

“Hello,” Dan Heng said, “are you ready for tomorrow?”

“Luckily, I only need to prep this pen and Mem does all the work.” Dan Heng rolled his eyes as he closed his bag.

“Plus,” she continued, “I know you prep enough for the two of us.”

He brought a hand up to her face and quickly ruffled her hair.

“You’re ridiculous, how did you and March survive without me in Penacony?”

“By having a great time,” she said between laughs as she leaned away from him, grabbing his wrist, “Though I like the great times we’ve bee—,“ Dan Heng shoved his free hand to grab her face which caused her to squeal.

“How can you just say that with a straight face?” he said, his face blazing red.

“You’re so rude!” Stelle mumbled through his fingers, “you know I’m open with my affections.”

“Too open,” he muttered.

“Hey, I don’t do this in public because I know you don’t like it!” she sighed, dramatically. “Sometimes it makes me think you don’t like me at all.” She leaned back, emphasizing her ‘pain’. In her mind she tried to imagine Dan Heng’s expression. Was he amused? Frustrated? Maybe a mixture of both.

Strong hands gripped her shoulders and lifted her back to her seated position. He drew her close to him and looked her right in the eye.

“Again, you’re ridiculous,” he muttered. He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. “And, of course I like you.” Stelle’s heartbeat thrummed to a quick rhythm and she wondered if Dan Heng could feel it. He squeezed her shoulders.

“Be careful tomorrow, okay?” he said quietly, “we don’t know how things are going to progress from here.”

“I’m always careful.” Dan Heng sighed and rested his forehead against hers.

“No you’re not.” He said.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “You seem more stressed.”

Dan Heng chuckled, she could feel his breathe against her lips.

“With the way things have been…between us…I suppose my nerves are heightened.”

Oh.

Dan Heng always worried about everyone but she understood what he was saying. Stelle was determined to keep Dan Heng safe but things felt different now. There was a desperate edge to her protection. It felt like Dan Heng was always in her thoughts.

She reached up and cupped his face in her hands. A comforting warmth spread through her.

“I’m nervous too,” she responded, “but we protect each other, like always.”

Dan Heng placed one of his hands on top of hers and he nuzzled closer into her palm, letting out a sigh, as he seemed to relax.

“Like always,” he repeated. The only thing that came to her mind was to lift her lips up to his and give him a quick kiss. They separated briefly before Dan Heng pulled her back. She leaned against him, drinking him in, memorizing the feel of him, and she wondered if he was doing the same.

———

Everything had gone to shit. Dan Heng was next to her, breathe labored after his battle with the Flame Reaver. Screwllum’s words were still registering in her mind.

A test by the Aeons? A Scepter? The details were difficult to grasp but she got the overall picture. Even if things weren’t “real” she was too engrossed in these peoples lives to disregard them as simple test simulations.

“One of you needs to stay behind…to prevent the wrath of Destruction.” Screwllum’s final words echoed in her ears. She already knew who it had to be. Someone needed to help Phainon bring in the Era Nova. To witness the fate of the world or to push it along.

“I’ll do it,” she said, “I am the heir for Oronyx after all.”

Dan Heng tensed at her words.

“Can you guarantee her safety?” Dan Heng said. He looked like a bowstring about to snap.

Screwllum explained the Chronocognitive Anchor curio, and how her data would be preserved. Dan Heng seemed to relax a little but he turned to her with a serious look as Screwllum disconnected.

“I’ll be okay,” she said softly.

“The curio is comforting but there’s still too many unknowns,” he muttered, “I don’t like leaving you alone here.”

“Aw, are you growing soft on me?” she said lightly, before a tremor ran through Okhema. She needed to get to Phainon now. She looked at the destroyed surroundings before back to Dan Heng.

He sighed and shut his eyes.

“You need to go,” he said.

Stelle closed the distance between then, wrapped her arms around his neck, and gave him a kiss. When they separated, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, resting his head against her shoulder. She could feel him let out a deep breathe, as if to steady himself.

“Just wait for me, okay?” she whispered into his ear. “I’ll be back.”

———

Over and over again, Stelle wondered how long these people have suffered. As memories, lifetimes, shattered like glass around her, she wondered how long Phainon, Khaslana, has suffered. How much has he endured? How much will these people continue to endure?

Cryene and Phainon truly came up with an impeccable plan. An endless loop until someone came along to deliver the final blow. Stelle would never have been able to come up with something as clever, but at least she knew she’s good at forcing things forward.

As she looked out into the field of Aedes Elysia, she wondered how things will play out from here. The picturesque view Phainon always told her about, with an expression of deep sadness on his face, laid before her. Brown grass seemed to flow like waves and everything was touched by golden light. It was another beautiful sight, but there were many beautiful things about Amphoreus. All of it deserved to be protected.

If she needed to become the Deliverer then so be it, she’ll make sure this experiment was finally finished by her own hand. She just hoped her friends, that Dan Heng, didn’t need to wait too long for her.

[nando161mando]

oops! it seems i tripped and dropped several million free books, papers, and other resources

https://annas-archive.org

https://sci-hub.se

https://z-lib.is

https://libgen.is

https://libgen.rs

https://www.pdfdrive.com

https://library.memoryoftheworld.org

https://monoskop.org/Monoskop

https://libcom.org

https://libretexts.org

http://classics.mit.edu

https://librivox.org

https://standardebooks.org

https://www.gutenberg.org

https://core.ac.uk

[flamingwitchery-inactive-deacti]

oh no! Whatever shall we do! i guess we'll just have to use them to read interesting stuff!

[heated-blanket]

[chomametchi]

some people will just never understand that whatever skinny people have to hear is not the same as systemic fatphobia

[chomametchi]

yes body positivity and peace and love for everyone and we shouldn't comment on peoples bodies However i'm tired. most nice and affordable clothing is made for skinny people, seat belts are made for skinny people, crash dummies are modeled after skinny people, doctors can and will ignore your health problems if you happen to be fat. hell, you can't even exist in your own body without someone saying you're "promoting obesity" meanwhile social media influencers with marketable eating disorders share their 0kcal recipes and that's just #fitness #healthylifestyle #girlboss. someone thinking a skinny person is attractive is just the default and no one questions it but god forbid someone wants to fuck a fat person, that must be a fetish. god forbid you're disabled and fat, must be your own fault. skinny people can just say its their metabolism and genetics but being fat should be a temporary state and gaining weight is the worst thing that can happen to you. i could keep going but maybe this is enough for now. just know that im tired and anyone who starts clowning on this post has to pay five euros to the nearest fat person.

[konetainkarr]

The Herald of Andraste

[missmalyari]

Our Stories, In Each Other's Hands

Dan Heng didn't realize that Stelle would evolve from being the mysterious new Astral Express member to someone he couldn't bear to lose.

AO3 LINK

Dan Heng found the newest member of the Astral Express rather intriguing. Stelle was quiet at first, adjusting to her new role as a Nameless. In a way, she was adjusting to existing. Like March 7th, Stelle did not have any memory of her past. Yet, it didn’t take long for her to become comfortable.

The Astral Express became even more lively. Dan Heng was used to the sound of March and Stelle bickering over something inconsequential. He’d always hear laughter or yelling coming from March’s room whenever Stelle paid her a visit. Stelle started to play games with Welt, and has somehow survived Himeko’s coffee multiple times. Pom-Pom also became fond of Stelle due to her eagerness to help out around the Express.

The woman was an intriguing character. She was kind and helpful, but also extremely brash. Impulsive. It was as if she wanted to try everything no matter the risk to wellbeing.

Dan Heng didn’t make it easy for her, but Stelle slowly chipped at his walls too.

She asked him many questions, intrigued by his work on the data bank, and his experience with the Express. It took him a while to get used to her visits. March didn’t find the information interesting. Himeko and Welt trusted his recordings and only checked if they needed something specific. Despite Stelle’s unpredictable nature, she showed great interest in the data he gathered.

On one of her visits she brought him a stack of articles from Jarilo-VI, and laid them all across his desk. He raised an eyebrow to her.

“What’s this?”

Stelle looked at him, a wide grin across her face.

“Consider it a donation! For the data bank.” Dan Heng hummed a response and shifted through the papers. He recognized immediately that it was a detailed account of key points in Belobog’s history. Technology, important figures, artworks, the list went on and on.

“This is impressive Stelle, where’d you get this from?”

“Oh,” Stelle said, “I’m surprised you didn’t hear, but I was curating Belobog’s History and Culture Museum.”

Dan Heng stared at her for a moment.

“How did that happen?” he asked.

Stelle recapped her meeting with Pela and how she got roped into becoming the manager of the museum. She told stories of how she tracked down artists, thieves, helped conduct interviews, and restored technology.

Dan Heng realized he was foolish for not asking her what she did while she was away.

“You should come visit,” Stelle said as she closed out her story, “I know you’d enjoy it. Plus, we’ve worked super hard to make it look nice.”

“Despite all our travels I rarely get to visit museums, so I may take you up on that.”

Her smile seemed to grow even wider.

“I’d love that, just let me know,” she said, “but, don’t slack on reading those, I copied those specifically for you.”

Dan Heng tilted his head at her.

“Well museums don’t go into all the details, that’s what those papers are for. It’s notes I took while doing research for the exhibits, I’m not sure if they’re legible or organized but I tried my best.”

He took a closer look at the notes below him and realized quickly that the papers were a mix of typed notes and hand written. Stelle wrote in the margins information she learned, doodles on the maps of where things were, relationships between historical figures. It wasn’t the cleanest method of recording information but it was legible and detailed.

“You didn’t have to Stelle,” he said, a little embarrassed that someone went through this effort for him.

Stelle shrugged.

“The work was already done anyway, if I knew I was going to hand these off to you I would’ve done a nicer job. It’s not a big deal. I know you like this kind of stuff.”

Dan Heng knew that Stelle was a generous person. She constantly gave her time and energy to people, but it felt different being on the receiving end.

“I really appreciate it,” he said, “if you don’t mind could you stay a little longer? I want to ask you more questions on all of this.”

“Of course!”

This wasn’t the first visit into his cabin and it wouldn’t be the last. After a while he began to recognize the sound of her steps, the rhythm of her knocks. As much as he tried to ignore it, her visits became something he looked forward to.

-

The events at the Xianzhou Luofu exhausted Dan Heng. The ships beauty was unparalled, but the events with Jing Yuan and Blade brought up horrendous memories of his past life. Dan Heng thought he could fool himself into escaping Dan Feng’s sins. That his time spent in the Shackling Prison would have been enough, but he should have known you could never truly run from yourself.

Dan Heng would never be Dan Feng, but he would do something good in his place.

As he laid on the floor of his cabin, he tried to think of all the data he gathered and how to categorize everything. Phantilya was an exhausting battle, but sleep did not come easy to him even while trying to distract his thoughts.

Familiar footsteps echoed through the hall and Dan Heng listened in closely. They stopped in front of his doorway with a pause before tentatively knocking. He could tell Stelle was nervous, she never hesitated. It would be easy to deny her. To tell her that he was tired, she’d understand. But seeing her always made him feel lighter.

He rose up from his futon and told her to come in.

She entered in slowly and observed him.

“Hey.” Stelle said.

“Hello.” He greeted her in return.

An awkward silence weighed the room before she blurted out.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

Stelle walked closer to him and chewed on her bottom lip.

“When you first talked to me at the Scalegorge Waterscape, I didn’t know what to say.”

Dan Heng was surprised. He didn’t think she thought about that still. She didn’t seem like the type to dwell on things.

“It’s alright Stelle…if you don’t mind me asking, what were you thinking?”

Stelle looked away, embarrassed.

“It was just that we learned so much about you in a short period of time, I guess I was just shocked. It’s such a dumb reason but it was just a lot to take in.”

She looked back at him, determined to get her point across.

“I was also oddly…happy. I was happy to get to know more about you.”

Dan Heng frowned. He didn’t know why anyone would be happy to know those things about him .

“It’s not exactly a happy story.”

“No but it’s your story. Even though your not Dan Feng his story has affected you.”

Stelle moved closer to him and took his hands into her own, and gave a firm squeeze.

“I’m happy to know your story Dan Heng, and I’m glad to be your friend now.”

She smiled at him, eyes sparkling with fondness.

“Plus, I’m sure I’ve added much more action to your narrative.”

Dan Heng could feel heat rising to his face but he squeezed her hands in return.

“More like a lot of stress.” She laughed at the statement, and it rang throughout his whole body.

-

The first thing Dan Heng realized was that he was surrounded by a fiery heat. The next was that Stelle wasn’t next to him. One moment they were in the air, traveling smoothly through Amphoreus. The next he heard metal cracking and flames bursting.

“Stelle!” He yelled out, the crash had thrown him to the opposite end of the cart. He pulled himself up and struggled towards her. She was slumped over. He ran a hand over her, trying to feel her breathe, but felt a hot sticky heat. Her clothes were soaked through with her blood. Dan Heng’s breathe hitched, stomach dropped, but he needed to focus on getting her out of the cart. He could feel the flames licking at their skin.

There’s too much blood. He fought many battles in his past and current life. He knew what fatal blood loss looked like.

Dan Heng ignored the thought and shoved it away. His priority was the woman in his arms.

“Stelle, I got you, you hear me?”

Only the sounds of crackling flames answered him.

He carried her gently out of the cart, stumbling over the crushed buildings remains.

“There’s so much I need to tell you.”

She needed to know he appreciated her presence and her acceptance. Her addition to his narrative. He wanted to continue to see her smile and hear her voice. To make her laugh. He wanted her to continue stressing him out with her impulsive actions.

He remembered the first time she held his hands, when she told him she was thankful for him.

Dan Heng wanted so much. He had never wanted something so badly before. After being released from the Shackling Prison he felt he couldn‘t ask for more, but he would beg for this.

“Please.” He pleaded to whatever Aeon would dignify them with THEIR gaze. and continued until he felt a flash of pain and all he saw was black.

-

When he woke up to see her standing over him he thought he died. It’s not until he realized she looked embarrassed that he reconsidered.

“How long have you been up?” she asked, a slight blush appearing on her face.

They were still in Amphoreus. She’s alive and well spirited, but anxious. There wasn’t even a speck of blood on her.

“You’re staring Dan Heng?”

He looked away and tried to gather his thoughts.

“Apologies, the crash took a lot out of me.”

Stelle relaxed and showed him her bright smile.

“I’m just glad you’re alright,” she said softly.

Dan Heng recalled the blood on his hands. The warm liquid seeping through his fingers as Stelle remained still. He tried to calm his racing heartbeat.

“I’m glad you’re alright too.”

-

He knew Stelle taking the trial of Oronyx was their only option but he didn’t expect for Stelle’s prophecy to unveil a somber realization. Dan Heng felt tense as he stared out into the holy city until he heard a rustling from the chaise behind him. He rushed towards her as she woke up from her sleep.

She still looked groggy and a bit disoriented as he helped her stand. Stelle rubbed her eyes and yawned, looking as if she hasn’t just received devastating news. Her eyes moved towards him and her expression shifted from relaxed to concern. Dan Heng imagined his face betrayed his thoughts.

“So, I guess you heard.”

“Mem told me everything.”

Mem’s apologizing became muffled noise to him. He could only focus on her face. The blood on his hands and her still body seemed fresh in his mind.

She forced a small smile and averted her gaze.

“Well, I guess I can say that I’ve truly done it all right?”

Her humor doesn’t land with the same brevity but she continued.

“I’m not worried. Well maybe a little,” she said, “but we’ve handled so many other things. Death is just another to add to the list.”

“I’m glad you’re taking this well,” Dan Heng replied stiffly.

“I’m a member of the Astral Express, the Galactic Baseballer, and the first Nameless demigod right? I have to remain composed. Like you.” She winked at him.

If only she knew how wrong her assessment was.

He told her about their entry into Amphoreus, no longer able to hold it in. He doesn’t tell her he saw her dead body among the dead of his nightmares. She’s silent as he spoke, a rare occurrence, but Stelle knew when the mood needed to shift. He hoped that his emotions didn’t slip though excessively. Mem seemed to have left them alone.

“I’m sorry.” She said after a moment of silence.

“Why are you apologizing?” He thinks back to their meetings in his cabin, after she learned of his past, when things started to shift ever so slightly between them.

Before answering, Stelle walked up to him and drew her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. Dan Heng was used to her physical touches but they always knocked the air out of him.

“It must have been difficult seeing me like that…it never gets easier seeing people you care about in pain. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if it was you in my place.”

Dan Heng couldn’t form a response, but she’s right. It never got easier. So he returned her hug slowly, still not used to the movement. He was never and still is not great at returning physical affections. Or comforting. He was practical to a fault. But he would at least try.

He wrapped one arm across her back and threaded his other hand through her hair, resting it along the back of her neck. Letting out a shaky breathe, he rested his head against hers. Even if she was a bundle of memories, her presence felt the same. Her warmth felt as if she was truly whole. After all that they’ve been through he couldn’t lose this. He was determined to bring her out of this planet alive and back to the place they both call home. Slowly, he placed a gentle kiss along her forehead, as if sealing his promise within her.

[radiikill]

scaramona wip #1 title pending

“You didn’t answer my question.” He hummed in response. “Maybe this is my hobby.” “Stargazing is your hobby,” Mona said incredulously. “No, of course not,” he sneered. “I’d much prefer annoying you.” Mona laughed in response to him and turned away considering her options once more. She could easily walk away and find a new spot for the night. But, that would mean he succeeded in whatever twisted game he wanted to play. Mona Megistus was not the type that gave into these taunts. “Well, it’s going to take more than that to make me give up this spot.” She laid her blanket out and activated her scryglass as the Balladeer smirked at her. “Since you’ll be seeing more of me, you could just call me Scaramouche. The Balladeer is such an irritating title.” “I’d truly prefer to pretend you aren’t even here.”

[missmalyari]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Fire Emblem Engage Rating: Teen And Up Audiences  Relationships: Yunaka/Zelkov (Fire Emblem) Characters: Yunaka (Fire Emblem), Zelkov (Fire Emblem)

Yunaka isn’t used to receiving gifts, and Zelkov doesn’t seem like he’s going to quit.

[missmalyari]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Dragon Age: Origins Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Zevran Arainai/Female Warden, Zevran Arainai/Female Tabris Characters: Zevran Arainai, Female Tabris (Dragon Age), Female Warden

A quiet moment between a new Warden and flirty ex-Antivan Crow. Harea is feeling bashful and Zevran just wants to braid her hair.

[missmalyari]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Dragon Age: Origins Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Shianni & Soris & Female Tabris Characters: Shianni (Dragon Age), Soris (Dragon Age), Female Tabris (Dragon Age), Valendrian (Dragon Age), Cyrion Tabris

“It is a role that she has been thrown into, and as Duncan leads her to Ostagar, she wonders how her path will diverge from here.”

Snapshots of Harea Tabris’s life before the wedding, before Ostagar.

[missmalyari]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Fire Emblem Engage Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Yunaka (Fire Emblem), Noble - Character, Her “Teacher”

Please be warned for spoilers for Yunaka’s backstory,

Summary: In a way, he had helped her. In a twisted way, he had raised her. Now she had strength, but she didn’t need to use her strength for him.

A young girl wandered the bluffs of Brodia, searching. She awoke to an empty house. Her cries echoed against the walls but no one answered. Villagers would shake their heads, when she asked about her parents. The girl was confused.

The girl was scared.

“Well, hello there, who are you?”

She looked up, a rather tall man approached her, face lit up by a bright smile. His eyes were dark. No response came from her.

“Are you lost?”

Silence passed between the two before she answered. 

“I’m looking for my parents.” He frowned.

“Oh honey, I don’t think they’re coming back.”

Tears welled in the girl’s eyes. “Why?”

“The bluffs are a hard place to live, kid,” he shrugged, “but I can help you, maybe we’ll even find them.”

“Really?”

“Yes, just come with me,” he reached out to her, “what’s your name kid?”

[anxietyproblem]