[This post takes place somewhat offscreen. All characters in the mentioned Gliscord server will know.]
Pacing. Pacing. Pacing. Cass paces back and forth in their room. This. This shouldn't stress them out this much. Or maybe, stress her out so much. It was one change, a simple change. Just changing her BBA gliscord server nickname from Cassket to Carrie, and then updating her introduction message. Simple. So terrifyingly simple. No one would notice. Surely no one would- but what if they did? What if she was mocked? Ridiculed? Cast aside? But, there was no way anyone would notice. She doesn't talk in here ever, but... then again. What if someone saw her profile, maybe while scrolling through the users tab, or What if a new person joins looking for someone they know?What if? What if? Oh dear God, What If?!?! Cass was nauseous, kind of lightheaded.
It was late. 4 AM, nearly. No one would notice, not until tomorrow, or maybe the next day. Eventually, someone will notice. At least.. she thinks.
She's tired of postponing this. It was meant to happen two weeks ago, and every night she stares at the Save button, stares at the Edit button, stares and stares and stares, mortified at the implications. No one knows she's trying this name out internally. No one knows she's calling herself a girl when no one's listening. No one knows. No one can know. But.. someone should, at least eventually. She was never going to be comfortable enough to come out about it, not to anyone, especially not to her. Oh God, what if she saw this? What if she thought it was weird or stupid or worse..? What if... but then again, Cass was sure she didn't like her. She had that stupid cook she was always with. Cass didn't stand a chance. He was far more talented and-
Oh. Oh no. Oh oh god oh no. An accidental tap, an unconscious, automatic tap of the Save button to exit out of the screen, like she was saving a Rotomblr post draft. Her name, her gliscord nickname it- it's changed, she has to change it back before anyone sees it, she has to- wait... wait no, this was what she was working towards, right? This was the leap of faith, or maybe the slip and fall of faith, but still.
Maybe she just had to let this sit, as unpleasant and unnerving the idea was. Carrie set her phone down, rolling over in bed and clamping her teeth down on her thumb. She wasn't going to sleep, but she would at the very least try to.