Raderph Rambles

In which I scream into the void excessively

[radramblog]

posts of 2021

This is how the blog ends. Not with a bang, but with a meta. It’s fitting, I think.

We sit now at post number three hundred and sixty-five. One Full Year of posting. Unfortunately, I’d have to go for another 272 years to hit the dreaded power of one hundred thousand posts, and I don’t really plan on doing this until I’m literal dust.

Having to actually choose which of my own posts I liked most would be impossible. For one, I don’t remember all of them- though tumblr does have a relatively convenient archive function that makes it less difficult than it could possibly end up being to comb through them all. I have ones I am definitely proud of, and a few that I’ve gotten good comments (both on the site and irl) about, but even if I could vote for some of them I’d just have so much trouble killing my darlings. Well, like, a lot of them. Some of the posts are pretty bad.

With that in mind, I was wondering how else I could possibly discuss Posting in 2021. And fortunately, I found something of a solution- let the hands of the people decide (and by that, I mean some of the people and also whatever fucked-up algorithm Tumblr works using) and look at the most notable posts according to the site itself. That is, the ones with the most notes- likes, reblogs, comments, whatever.

None of them have that many. And that’s okay.

I think there was some part of me that desperately hoped that at some point, one of these posts would get spread around a bunch. That one of them would get caught in someone’s tag search and catch a reblog, then another, then more until I’d have to mute notifications or something. That obviously hasn’t happened, but I know so little about how this site functions from a user perspective that I feel comfortable appending a “yet” to that sentence.

One anonymous messenger told me that Tumblr as a platform was very “all-or-nothing” when it comes to visibility, and I can completely believe that. I’m pretty sure that unless you explicitly search for a tag, you aren’t going to see posts on your dash that aren’t from things you follow or reblogged by them. And I don’t exactly have that many followers (shoutout to all 32 of you!), nor do I follow literally anyone on this account- fun fact, I kinda don’t use tumblr in general, in case it wasn’t obvious.

Still, some of these posts somewhat caught on, so we take those. Not like they were meant for anyone else in the first place- I actually have no idea how well these read, because they basically don’t get edited beyond spellcheck. It’s called the ramblog because it’s a ramble blog, though I realise that my inclination towards the ovine makes it kinda look like it’s a bit more of a pun. That’s why they’re all (except the 11 I’ve apparently forgotten) tagged as #ramble!

Anyway, enough bullshitting. Fortunately, so I don’t have to search through the entire 365(+ admin posts) backlog, Tumblr does conveniently have a “year in review” thing that has a list of the top 5 posts noteswise. I’m not 100% sure it’s correct- the thing lists me having made 363 posts so far, which sent me into a brief spiral trying to figure out which day I missed.

(there are actually 369(nice) posts on this blog, because it includes the admin posts and the two from before this was what it is. But there are definitely 364 Actual Ramble Posts prior to this one)

So. What did the people want to read?

#5 (16 notes): “love me some fuckin toohoos” (March 21, 993 words)

 I have to assume this got spotted by people in the Touhou fandom proper, because it’s only got that as an unusual tag, and most people came straight to the post itself. It’s not a topic I ever really returned to, though- ultimately it’s a series I was definitively more into in high school than I am now or have been all year. I actually have no idea what exactly inspired it- prooobably seeing news about Unconnected Marketeers? That or checking my Steam Wishlist and remembering that basically every game in the series is on there.

The post itself kind of doesn’t hold up to my completely arbitrary standard, in my opinion. Mostly because I think I was trying largely to explain the series’s nature to a layman- and by that I mean my mates, who I thought were the most likely to read it, and thereby a lot of it is fairly basic stuff. Like, there’s a bit of looking at the impact of the series re: indie gaming and doujin culture, but not much, and that’s kind of a hugely important point to harp on about with the series. It’s a huge fucking deal, more than “some fuckin toohoos” belies, and I’m not sure that’s accurately represented here.

I still haven’t actually beaten any of the games save Phantasmagoria of Flower View, which arguably doesn’t count. Now that I actually own a legal copy of one of them, I might actually get around to doing it? If nothing else, I know it’ll be fun, if a tad frustrating.

 #4 (17 notes): “Every Boros Commander, Part 2” (January 9th, 1932 words)

I was actually pretty surprised by this one. Of all my allegedly 52 (damn that’s consistent) M:TG posts, why this one? It’s not like the part 1 is up there, is it- oh it’s also at 16 never mind. Honestly, while none of them (aside from these, apparently) are huge hits or anything, I think Magic was one of my topics where I’d much more consistently have one or two notes on most posts.

These “Every ___” posts were very much inspired by the weekly article series-es that one Joseph Megill writes on EDHREC, that I follow pretty religiously- essentially, taking a particular list of cards (planeswalkers, mana rocks, equipment, etc.), ranking them all by EDHREC usage, and then just. Going through them, 10 or so per week. I guess I just really like these listicles, because I spent a lot of time doing similar work, and getting well and truly out of hand in the process.

I did like having consistent themes to work on, though- saved the trouble of having to think of something to write. Like, even though I think these articles are on average really goddamn long, they actually didn’t take much longer if at all than a lot of other stuff, by simple nature of not having to think of a topic ahead of time, which always takes me for fucking ever. That, and I can do most of the writing and theorycrafting off-the-cuff, though to be fair, I do just about everything off the cuff on this blog.

(arguably one of the only things that’s not off the cuff is the Roxy post from earlier this week, and I’m so glad to see that making much more immediate traction than anything else because it was kind of a big thing for me)

Anyway. Magic is kind of in a weird place for me right now- I want to be playing more of it, but my opportunities to do so are either limited or frustrating, so I can’t really do much more than theorycraft. Sharehouse when? I will force my housemates to draft my cube, and they will learn to fucking enjoy it.

 #3 (20 notes): “and you don’t seem to understand” (January 6th, 873 words)

January sixth. The first goddamn week of this entire project. There is a slight bias towards the older posts on the blog, I think, but that’s probably just because they’ve had more time to get picked up.

In retrospect, this is such a weird fucking post. Kind of halfway simultaneously talking about Serial Experiments Lain, one of my favourite anime of all time, and Twilight, probably one of my favourite albums of all time, both connected through the song Duvet that opens both. I guarantee if I tried writing this now, I’d have rewatched a couple episodes of the show beforehand and listened through the entire album.

Anime is something I didn’t spend that long writing about in general. In part, that’s because the “anime fandom” is something I’ve kind of consciously avoided- even as much as I enjoy the medium, the stigma surrounding it is hard to shake, and i have been deep enough into it in the past to know that said stigma is arguably deserved. And I didn’t really want to alienate myself by talking about the stuff- at the end of the day, I can’t shake the idea that liking particular anime enough to write huge spiels about them is uncool. As if I’ve ever not been uncool.

Music, though, is something I’ve obviously spent ages discussing, and for good reason- I care a lot about it! And I have a lot of weird shit to share! And bôa is definitely an example of that. Honestly, I kind of want to go back to this album in my current, more detailed breakdown style- I’m still not sure if those are any good, for what it’s worth, but I feel better giving more attention to a piece of work when I’m sharing it to the world. Even in the cases where I end up shitting on some of the songs.

This post was born of me being unable to get Duvet out of my head. Top song of the year 2020, apparently, which did not surprise me at all at the time. It’s not even on this year’s list.

Wait, neither is Little Miss? What the fuck, me, that song goes.

 #2 (20 notes): “Halo Through its Guns: Halo CE” (September 1st, 1401 words)

 Man, this series. This is what finally got me to play Halo 5. Fucking hell.

The response to this post came quicker than I expected, which I think was part of what convinced me to buckle down and commit to the full series. That, and having half of it planned out ahead of time- I think the ones that weren’t quite as planned out are really obvious, though.

In part, I think this was inspired by Late Night Gaming’s video/series, The Evolution of Halo’s (weapon name here). Certainly, some of the ideas in this particular post were inspired by the Plasma Pistol video, which is very much to its benefit- I think this might be one of the strongest ones as far as analysis of game mechanics goes. But across the series, it kind of changed very much into something else.

There’s kind of no beating around the bush- the posts for Halo 5 and especially 4 were downright cathartic. The series was not intentionally building up to them, that was not a conscious decision, but it just kind of happened. 4 was a lot of opinions and emotion that had been simmering for a cool 9 years, and also something that had notes taken down and ideas toyed with for over a month at that point. And 5 was raw reaction, the result of both building something up in my head and of going into a game thinking “how bad could it possibly be” and, well, finding out. I’m still a little annoyed about how long I had to delay before said 5 post (something that also kinda made it seem like it had to be grander), but it just wasn’t a convenient time of year for driving half an hour to a mate’s place to borrow the old XBone.

I think I still might make an Infinite post at some point, once I’ve gotten to dive into more than the tutorial. While I may have gotten the game working a couple days ago, these last couple blog posts have taken a lot longer than they should, and also, it’s a busy time of year!

 So. What was the number goddamn one post of the year according to the whims of the masses? By over double as many hits as the last one? Um.

 #1 (43 notes): “have a plan to kill everyone you meet- Fallout New Vegas Genocide run notes” (January 16th, 1234 words)

 This is really confusing to me, actually. I mean, I guess it’s possibly one of the more useful ones, considering it straight up just has a walkthrough of how to do this dumb idea and part of how I worked out how all of it could work. In theory.

Ahh, fine, in practice. I definitely got, like, halfway through this before getting bored. Turns out a game like FNV is actually more fun if you talk to the characters instead of violently removing their body parts. So not only is this a weird walkthrough for a meme run of a game that actively avoids a lot of the best aspects of said game, not to mention the incredibly restrictive nature of the gameplay required to maximise the kill count to “every killable character except for three of them”, but doing it isn’t even that fun.

At the same time, it is kind of striking. “Genocide Run” is a concept that has taken off somewhat since, well, Undertale, and Fallout New Vegas is finally starting to get the cultural recognition it actually deserves. It’s one of the few games where the concept actually lines up kinda well to Undertale’s one in action- that is, it’s really grindy, mostly not hard at all except a few things, and because you’re killing all the interesting characters you don’t get to see all the interesting dialogue and plot. You do get to see some different plot elements, but at the end of the day, it’s still just going to end at Hoover Dam, but you have no friends this time.

At the end of the day, this is basically just a dumb idea that I took to its logical conclusion. And in a way, that’s kind of a metaphor for this entire blog project. So I suppose it’s fitting that this takes the number one spot.

 And that, uh. That does it, I guess. Dang.

 When I started this blog, a year ago, I definitely wasn’t confident that I’d actually make it through the other end. I didn’t think I’d manage a couple weeks of posting, let alone a few months, let alone the whole fucking year. And yet, here we are. It’s over. It’s complete. Fin.

Except, it’s not really over. I imagine I will cease posting completely at some point, but I still have things I want to talk about, ideas to explore, and maybe even things I’ll need to vent about. Obviously, it won’t be consistent, but hopefully this will mean I can put a bit more effort into the posts I do upload. If nothing else, I want to take a look at the year’s stats as far as word count goes (and notes)- and I might be halfway through harvesting that data already.

With that, I guess I bid thee adieu. Because I have to go get ready for the New Year’s party. Here’s hoping 2022 looks a bit better than 2021, and here’s hoping that I don’t have any more colossally silly ideas for new year’s resolutions. Or at the very least, have said ideas be a bit less time-consuming.

[radramblog]

music of 2021

When I came up with the idea to do a bunch of “best ofs” to cap off the year a few weeks ago, I knew one of the things I’d want to do would be music. It just makes sense- I’ve spent so long talking about music in general this year that I’d want to give what I figured was The Best Shit. And talking about all the albums this year would be like trying to choose my favourite child, so I figured I’d instead just do things that actually, you know, came out this year.

So I checked which of the artists in my “liked songs” list had something come out this year, thinking I’d have maybe missed a few things. It turns out, I had missed more than a few things.

I had missed like, 70 things. Granted, some of those things are just singles, but still- I have not had time to listen to that much music since when I realized. So there are going to be holes in this list.

Regardless, I thought I’d actually try ranking this one. So I suppose this is my actual, for real, top albums of 2021.

And also top EPs because there were actually a fair few good ones!

Real quickly, I’m going to go over some of said gaping holes in my “things I listened to this year” list, because I feel bad about them and want to at least bring them up.

Another year, another multitude of King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard releases. Admittedly I’d fallen off the KGATLW train a bit, but I’m still annoyed to have not had time to down either L.W. or Butterfly 3000 this year. I did get partway through L.W., but wasn’t really in the mood to vibe with it, so it sat half-finished. Alas.

I also got partway through the new Offspring album, Let the Bad Times Roll. Honestly, was enjoying it, don’t remember why I stopped? The whole thing felt like a much more mature iteration of what they’d been doing in their peak, which honestly might have been what I was after the whole time.

There are a few other things, I think, but most of them are like. Things in the “eh if I get time I’ll go for this” camp. The new Wolfmother piece, Alexis Taylor’s new album, and apparently Duran Duran did something this year? But I don’t want to be here all night.

I could also go on a bit about singles (Both the new Animals as Leaders songs were really good! Neither of the new Coheed and Cambria songs were any good!), but again. Time is of the essence, and this is going to be long enough already.

 The top 3 EPs of the year, according to me

 Honourable mention: Radiohead - Kid Amnesiae

I honestly wasn’t sure whether to count this as an album or an EP, but settled on having it here. If nothing else, that gives more room to the album section, because that has more to talk about still.

I’ve already given my thoughts on Kid Amnesiae, the third disc added to the 20th anniversary Kid A/Amnesia special Radiohead put out like a month ago, and those thoughts haven’t really changed. Some of it works, some of it doesn’t do it for me. How to Disappear into Strings is still utterly excellent, and the untitled tracks still kind of feel like a waste of space. Mostly, I think, I’m still salty that the only version of this album that actually came with the B-Sides was the cassette, for some reason.

 #3: Thank You Scientist – Plague Accommodations

When you told me there was a new Thank You Scientist EP out this year, I would have told you flat-out that it’d have been my EP of the year without question. As it turns out, I was surprisingly wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I still really enjoyed it, but it was far, far from the mindblower I was expecting.

The first half is really good, at least. While it’s short, Gigglebottom sounds exactly like a jam session converted into an instrumental, and unlike Rube Goldberg Variations from Stranger Things Prevail, it wastes absolutely no time getting into it. And Creature Comfort has such an incredible back-end, from the saxophone solo (DUDE YESSSS) from the surprise power chords in the outro, it goes way harder than its lounge intro would suggest.

The second half was kind of a letdown, though, as it turns out. Soul Diver is probably the hardest thing the band has put out, and while I’d normally like that, it leans a bit too power metal for me? Which isn’t really my jam- I’ve long since grown out of Dragonforce, ya feel? Also the vocals are kind of mid. It does have another violin solo, though, so it’s got that going for it. As for the title track, ehhh. It’s fine, but not the kind of track I go to TYS for. I know it’s that kind of year, but still.

In my opinion, though- it’s still worth it just for that first half. So it’s going up here.

 #2: Yomi Ship – Of Agartha

Oh boy, now I get to start talking about really obscure shit. Yomi Ship belongs to one of the two major genres of independent music based in Fremantle, WA- in this case, from the spring of psychedelic music that came from having the town’s most popular musician as of late be Tame Impala.

Of Agartha is a mesmerising, dark instrumental piece that doesn’t peak as hard as Plague Accommodations does, but is overall just much more consistent, which in this case means I like it more. Despite the intense, complex instrumentation, and despite the menacing, uncomfortable tone of some of the tracks, I find this EP incredible to vibe to- from the cavernous Ice Drake to the groovier S.H.A.M.A.N., the expanse does not stop growing the whole time.

This shit is the soundtrack to the weirdest Myst rip-off, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

(I have never played Myst.)

 #1: Green Pools – ReCollect

If I wasn’t expecting Thank You Scientist to bottom this list, I definitely wasn’t expecting Green Pools to top it. I hadn’t even heard of them prior to the release of Blue like a few months ago, and only because a mate of mine was actually the one to take that single’s cover photo.

Green Pools are the other half of “Freo-core”- the folkier, indie-ier acoustic, soulful music from artists like Jack Davies or Carla Geneve. I’ve been exposed to a lot of this stuff recently- turns out when your best mate is really into it, you tend to hear a lot of it, and Perth is a small enough city that you’re probably only like 2 degrees of separation from any of these bands anyway. But Green Pools is the one that definitively stuck with me the most.

The bass on Mystery Charmer is absolutely killer and that track is just such a jam. The build on Blue is simply excellent (and those strings though). Neighbourhood Hero has that longing vibe I adore, and the closing track, Alderney, feels enough like something off The Suburbs that it jabs me right in the heart. I just. This EP is astonishingly good for an artist with basically no following.

That’s just kind of what it’s like with local groups though isn’t it? Working their asses off for the love of it, hoping it’ll pay off but enjoying it even if it doesn’t. I seriously wish these guys (and Yomi Ship, for that matter) the absolute best- this is their first EP ever (and they don’t have any albums), and it’s a really good start.

 The top 5 albums of the year (again according to me)

 Honourable Mentions: Gaspard Augé – Escapades, Twelve Foot Ninja – Vengeance, Soen – Imperial

I, uh, couldn’t limit myself to just 1. I kinda wrote 8 albums on my shortlist, and then didn’t want to cut any of them, even though I probably could have.

Gaspard Augé, better known as one half of Justice, put out his first solo album this year, and it’s a pretty solid French House album overall. I think my biggest issue with this is that it just kind of lacks some of the kick that Justice is typically known for- so it wasn’t quite what I was expecting, and suffered because of that. Hey! is pretty banging, though.

Vengeance is an album I have some complex feelings about that probably can’t be summarised here so quickly. Like, it has some tracks I really fucking like that go really hard- Long Way Home, Gone, Over and Out, Tangled- and some I really fucking don’t- Vengeance, IDK, and honestly Start the Fire doesn’t do it for me either. It’s definitely an ambitious album, for certain, but a lot of it really doesn’t land.

As for Imperial, Soen is a band where I can listen to their albums forever, because I really enjoy them, but also not remember a single song on them, because they all sort of blur together for me. There are two Soen tracks I can name, and neither are from Imperial. With that in mind, it was a very enjoyable blur- exactly as grandiose as I was expecting, that’s for sure.

 #5- Tricot - リピート (Jodeki (“Good work”))

I have exactly three Japanese-only bands I listen to, I’m not that much of a weeb. Only one of them has even done anime openings off the top of my head. Tricot, for their part, barely counted as one of them until this year- I had basically only listened to おまえ (Omae (“You” [derogatory])) until then, and while that song bangs, I hadn’t really gone after the rest of their work until this album dropped literally between me drawing up my list of music to check out and me actually going to look at the single that as it turns out was for the album.

Tricot are a Japanese (obviously) math-rock band allegedly known for their complex rhythmic structures- which is something all math rock kinda has, so I’m not sure why everything I look at about them brings that up. More relevantly, I think, they’re a bit of a poppier take on the genre, which is such an odd mixture of styles that I’m surprised that it works as well as it does. Just, like, chill or bubbly vibes kept buoyant by some of the wonkiest time signatures and drumlines you’ve ever heard. This album is no exception- it’s infinitely complex and yet infinitely energetic, and I sure ain’t looking up the lyrics to find out I’m completely wrong about that.

Favourite tracks have to be いない (Inai (“within” I think?)) and the title track. I can see how the chorus to the former could be really annoying for some, but I dunno, I just really like the energy it has. And the latter is just really goddamn funky and I was not expecting it.

Basically- Tricot is something I need to get my ass through the backlog of, because this was the surprise last-minute hit for me. To quote that title track: it’s excellent, excellent.

 #4: Between the Buried and Me – Colors II

I know that’s the correct American spelling, but it’s going to bug me still. Between writing a whole-ass post going over how much I loved the first Colors that released back in 2007 and now, I have actually listened to the sequel.

It’s a funny thing, a sequel to an album. What the fuck does that even mean? It’s not done particularly often, typically I think because usually a band gets everything they have to say about something or in a particular way out with one album and some B-sides- of course, this is now the third time BTBAM have done a sequel album (though I’m not sure the others count?), so maybe they’re just special.

I’m doing a lot of talking around this album. That’s kind of because I’m having a hard time coming up with things to say about it. It turns out, BTBAM just…tried to make a second Colors. Unfortunately, it’s not as good- the genre-shift moments aren’t quite as solid, and it has nothing nearly as iconic as “TORN TO IT’S LAST LIFE! HOW HADN’T IT NOTICED!”- but the fact that it’s even remotely in the same ballpark is evidence enough that it deserves this spot.

Fix the Error, The Future is Behind us, and even Prehistory (meme noises included) are all really great, but like the original Colors, this is best as an album. I just wish it clearly wasn’t trying to ape its predecessor in the spots where it does- like, the closer, Human is Hell (Another One With Love) starts out sounding remarkably like Colors’s epic closer in White Walls, and it is not subtle. Still, it’s a great record- probably sounds better if you haven’t heard the first one, frankly.

 #3: DJ CAMGIRL – CANNON

From a 1:18 monster metal record to a lightning-quick 16 minute “technically an album”. I had originally thought that both this record and VAPERROR’s other work this year, Open Tournament 27XX, were both co-productions, but as it turns out both DJ CAMGIRL and SPORTSGIRL are, in fact, still Jeff. I also thought Saccharine Synergy released this year and was fully ready to slap it up the top of this list, but as it turns out, it didn’t actually drop this year, that was from 2020. So.

I didn’t want to put both albums on here, so a quick word on Open Tournament 27XX- it’s very, very mellow vapourwave stuff. Very 2 8 1 4, though I think saying that just exposes my lack of familiarity with the genre somewhat. I liked it, but not as much as CANNON.

CANNON is like one of those little 4 hour energy shots you can apparently buy, in that it’s quick but has enough power to drive a train for those few minutes it lasts. This is just extremely good, motivating synthesizers and drum beats that waste absolutely no time and have no intention of overstaying their welcome. On the one hand, I’d like more, but on the other, I’m kind of glad it’s as quick as it is. A full like 40 minutes of this would be draining, but this album is just the perfect length for the sound it’s going for.

And yet, even with that energy, it still manages ~*vibes*~. UNTITLED 69 is a very nice groove that definitely seems to be harkening back to the old, plunderphonics-based Vapourwave of a decade ago, while SQUISH JUKE just feels delightfully vacation-y. Like you plugged Saccharine Synergy into a car battery, but like, non-painfully.

 #2: Psychedelic Porn Crumpets – SHYGA! The Sunlight Mound

In case it wasn’t obvious, this is also a Freo Psych outfit, and one I just keep near-missing live shows for- though it seems like these guys have actually, like, kind of “made it” by now, so maybe I’ve missed my chance.

I could best describe PPC’s music as a very energetic kind of psych- like if KGATLW staunchly refused to make a song with a tempo slower than (I don’t know enough about BPM to finish this joke) and also lightened up a little. I feel like SHYGA in particular is a bit of a bluesier take, an opinion I hold solely on the basis of some of the basslines in tracks like Mr. Prism and Mundungus- the latter of which happens to be one of my favourite things on the album. It’s just so frenetic.

This whole thing just goes unbelievably hard. Aint a single song go by without a headbang from me, even the album’s prologue in Big Dijon (look man, it’s got the strings, and leads straight into fuckin Tally-Ho). It does occasionally slow down- you do need breaks sometimes, after all- but when it’s going, it’s just relentless. Enervating. Powerful.

I think SHYGA! The Sunlight Mound is PPC’s most refined work yet. Which is an odd thing to say, with a sound that’s so deliberately loose and unrefined, but I stand by it. Excited to see what the future brings for these guys.

 #1: Black Country, New Road – For the First Time

I don’t think there was any way this wasn’t getting on the top of this list. It’s the only album from this year that I’ve done a post on, almost the whole fucking thing ended up on my Top Songs of the Year list (rip to Track X but I’m different), and I’ve spent so, so much time thinking about it. It’s such a huge album in many ways- sonically, emotionally, and instrumentally- that it’s hard to stop myself from returning whenever I’m feeling down.

There is nothing more emotionally vulnerable that I can think of as an album. Not a single one. It is raw, it is brutal, and it is beautiful.

I don’t know what I have to say about this album, now that we’re back to it so long later. The instrumental goes between soft and luscious and harsh and aggressive, the brass and strings are unstoppable, the rhythms are intricate, the tempo is fluctuating. It’s just such an incredible piece.

It does, however, kind of make the singles released by the band later along in the year feel a lot worse by comparison. By no means are they bad- I actually really love Chaos Space Marine, and Bread Song is as expansive as the ocean floor- but they aren’t as cohesive and tight and wound as For the First Time. Still, perhaps that’s for the best- I don’t think this is the kind of album you can make twice, but I think it’s the kind of album you maybe shouldn’t make twice.

But they did make it once. It was their first time. And they nailed it.

 Thus sums music in 2021. Not all of it, but what I vibed to. I don’t know what to be looking forward to yet for next year- I think there’s a new Bloc Party album coming out, but the single they released was super mid- but this was honestly a pretty solid year. For the weird metal stuff I tend to listen to, at least. As people are coming out of quarantine (or spending more and more time in it), we’re finally starting to hear and see what came out of that stress and those nerves, and in a lot of cases, artists turning inward to their own creativity has paid off pretty hard in my opinion.

Just hope it doesn’t take more pandemic to keep the good tunes flowing.

[radramblog]

vidya of 2021

Another day towards the end of it all, another EOY list. This time: video gaaaaaames yaaaaaaaaay.

However, as my amount of giving a shit about games that actually came out the year I play them is at about its minimum, I ain’t doing just things that came out this year. Much like what I did all those months ago, I’m just gonna go through the games I can at least explicitly list as ones I played over the year, without order, without any real ranking, only chaos.

Ultimately a bunch of these games are ones I’ve already talked about on this blog, because I had thoughts about them I wanted to get out into the world. But I think most of them have had enough time to simmer that I have a more summarizable opinion- as long as they haven’t just fallen out of the back of my brain once again.

Thank god Steam keeps track of things you’ve touched across the year, otherwise this would look real awkward. That’s going to be the bulk of this, I think.

There are a few glaring holes in this list. Mostly Halo Infinite, which I still haven’t played- but since as of literally today I have (mostly) finished building a new computer that can actually fucking run the game, that’s at least going to change. But a fair few things are going to have been unfinished or untouched that probably deserve better.

Also I’m going to avoid talking about every Pokemon game I ran because. Come on. That doesn’t count. Though there were a few of them, and a few are going to be on here because they were actually new. A N Y W A Y.

 Pesterquest

Oh okay cool I gotta dive right back into Homestuck didn’t realise I did this one this year didn’t think this would count. Erm. I don’t really know what to say about this. Like, if you’re the kind of person who would play a visual novelleta of vignettes about the main characters of a decade-old webcomic, then you’re probably already aware of this one.

It’s charming, mostly. A few bits are fairly pretentious, and at least one is extremely infamous within the community. But for what it’s worth, I enjoyed it. If nothing else, the music was really good. Toby Fox may no longer be involved with (what’s left of) the Homestuck team, but James Roach is doing a great job in his place.

 The End is Nigh

This is one that lives on the unfinished list. I really do like a lot of Edmund McMillen’s work, warts and all, but stuff like Meat Boy and, well, this game are things I kind of bounced off of.

I do want to finish it someday because the aesthetic and what of the story I got to see intrigued me. But that’s not going to happen for a while, if I had to guess.

 Terraria

The fact that this game is still getting support warms my heart. The fact that it’s managed to actually unshackle itself from Minecraft’s shadow, seeing as that game is no longer the face of the medium, means that it can finally be appreciated for what it is: a more fun game.

I mean, I find it more fun. This is just my opinion. But it’s my blog, and that makes my opinion automatically correct. Guide for Smash 6.

 AI: The Somnium Files

This game has a lot to get past in order to even bloody play it- the nature of being a long complex and winding visual novel, the weird puzzle mechanics that are most of the gameplay, and the sheer horniness factor of a lot of the characters and design. But I think it’s absolutely worth the while- and the fact that it has a sequel coming out has been very exciting to hear, especially considering how much effort it was to get the final (?) part of Uchikoshi’s last series out the door.

I’m hoping that the bloke and his works are finally going to not be overshadowed by Kodaka and Danganronpa, the two series being irrevocably interlinked, now that the two men are working together at a new company. If nothing else, maybe Kodaka can restrain Uchikoshi’s raging boner from penetrating the main character’s writing once again.

 Deponia

Played a bit of it, didn’t really like it. Feel bad, because it was a gift to me that I had sitting in the ol’ library for a long, long while, but it just wasn’t for me. Protagonist was an asshole and not a particularly funny one!

 Fallout 4

I don’t think I’m ever going to be so desperate to shoot guys again that I need to finish the DLCs for this game off. If I want a wasteland RPG experience with soul, I have New Vegas. If I want a wasteland RPG experience with shooting, well, I now own Borderlands 3, so.

 System Shock 2

Despite briefly hyperfixating on this game enough to write some blog posts about it, I don’t think I actually fully replayed through this game this year. I think I at least got through to Ops? That’s like, halfway through the game.

SS2 is one of those weird games were it has simultaneously aged like milk and like wine (which sounds like a horrible mix). It’s clearly the progenitor of so many things about modern gaming, its storytelling is phenomenal, and its replayability is surpisingly good- but it also handles really awkwardly and feels more 90s than, I dunno, Space Jam. Man, though, that was when they were really nailing Cyberpunk as an aesthetic.

  Frog Fractions

Funnily enough, I don’t think I’d ever actually finished this game until I did so for the blog post. Because a mate brought it up and I was like, oh yeah, should do that. This of course means I haven’t played Frog Fractions 2 or 3 yet- and if you didn’t know those existed, then I don’t blame you, because they aren’t what I’d call advertised.

 Yuppie Psycho

I still think this game is comically underrated, because I’ve never seen anyone talking about it. I mean, it’s a not-particularly-large indie game by a developer with exactly one other title and a publisher with maybe a dozen…but still.

Yuppie Psycho is a game about the horror of the banal as portrayed through the eldritch. It’s about being lost in your work, either by how hard it is to be new at something or by how the power of the bureaucracy in a big corporation can and does grind people under its very heels. It’s also a pretty fun survival horror experience with a bunch of little things hidden in it, so.

 Helltaker (Anniversary Update)

I think what this game made me realise is that if I’m not having fun with a puzzle game, I’m just not going to play it. While I enjoyed the puzzles from the original game, the new stuff was just a bit much for me, and I wasn’t liking it. So I stopped, and found out the Big Twist from the Internet.

…like it wasn’t obvious. It’s like people don’t even read Vanripper’s twitter comics.

 Portal Reloaded

By contrast, this was a puzzle game I really enjoyed. I mean, it’s essentially a dolled-up map pack, but it is high enough quality to be official Portal 2 content in my opinion- and considering how much I love that game, that’s high bloody praise.

Which is to say, the mechanics can sometimes get frustrating and the solutions can sometimes be super obscure. But not all the levels in Portal are winners, so that’s allowed.

 Portal Stories: Mel

By contrast, I found this one a bit more awkward. More ambitious, but the areas in which its reach expanded were ones that are more noticeable if you kind of miss, if that makes sense.

Is it good? I think if you can get past the not very good voice acting and okay writing, then yeah I reckon it’s aight. I’d still go to Reloaded first, I think. The two are kind of like Portal and Portal 2 in a way, with all that implies for how each plays.

 Heavy Bullets

Technically I’ve had this game for years. Spent a few attempts at trying to play it. This year was the year I finally actually beat the game- considering it’s a roguelike, that could be more or less important depending on your perspective. It goes down a few pegs when I remember that the only way I was able to do that was via an infinite money glitch.

Are there any other roguelike first-person shooters? Not that I can think of, at least. It’s definitely unique in that regard, and the game relies a lot on the “increasing player skill” aspect of the genre. But it’s also very much a twitch shooter, which I’m not a huge fan of in general, and the sheer sweatiness of making any progress at all means it’s not particularly good for my heart. I play games to destress a lot of the time, so.

 A Hat in Time DLCs

…okay apparently while I wasn’t looking they put out a third one of these. Sick. A Hat in Time is a great fucking game, and more of that is better.

With that in mind, I went through Seal the Deal and Nyakuza Metro this year, and I can confirm that…well, I really liked the Metro? The more open world of it felt natural and rewarded exploring, and there were plenty of opportunities for the game’s humour to shine through.

By contrast, Seal the Deal felt…I mean, it’s basically just a map pack. Plus the challenge mode, Death Wish, which I haven’t really played because I’m not that good at this game. Seal the Deal’s Arctic cruise liner is fine, but I found a lot of the manoeuvring pretty frustrating and the time limits on some things strained as a result.

 Among Us

Casting all memes aside, the game is fine. We took Werewolf, and added gameplay to make up for the shortcomings of social deduction in an online medium. Solid. Find it hard to play because being Imposter stresses me out like nothing else, but worth the time.

Provided you have mates to play it with. Playing with randos is fucking miserable.

 Splitgate

Man, I wonder how this game is going now that it’s going to have lost half its playerbase? Probably still fine, I’m sure. It’s not like it’s going to have gotten less snappy and encourage less creative play than it did before.

My only hope is that it stops being terrible and microtransaction-ridden. Considering Halo Infinite has caught a lot of flak for its own implementation, maybe it’ll look better in comparison? I dunno.

 Monster Prom

I definitely went into this thinking it was just. A dating sim. And maybe I would have liked that better, I’m a massive fucking doof who doesn’t mind a digital waifu every so often. But I sure didn’t expect this…party game?

I still really want to play this with a bunch of people, because you can play it solo, but as is it’s just kind of a weirdly implemented kiss-em-up. But I have yet to find the right crowd to do it with. Rather, the right time with the exact right combination of people so that nobody will judge me if I start gunning for the Egoraptor-voiced werewolf himbo for the third game in a row.

 Fallout

I think my own inability to really get into this or Fallout 2 is a failure on me as a gamer. Not really, but it does bug me that I found this as unapproachable as I do- like, I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong sometimes. Am I supposed to bash my head into this wall until it dies before I do? Am I supposed to wander the desert until the timer I forgot existed runs out on me? Am I supposed to aim for someone’s crotch?

Jury’s still out on all of these.

 Borderlands 3

Was playing this game with a few mates. Kinda stopped because life happened. Would like to get back to it, because I feel like I’d be enjoying it a lot more at my own pace- we really were rushing through things, and while they’d all played the previous ones leading up to this one, this is my first experience with the entire Borderlands universe. Let a man (or in this case, a big robot guy) breathe!

Don’t really have more thoughts on this one. It’s fun so far? This one is pretty recent and we didn’t get that far. I think.

(oh shit now that I have a bigger dick PC I won’t get all those weird graphical bugs and it won’t run like complete ass)

 Halo: The Master Chief Collection

They would have had me at “yeah you can just play them all on PC now”. That’s all they needed. The added stuff- customization, mostly, but new additions to the roster of multiplayer modes and maps- was nice. But they didn’t sell me on this one.

Halo MCC let me rediscover my passion for this series, as is abundantly clear to people who keep up to date with this blog (and as the bastard writing this, I am uniquely aware of it). I suppose it’s right on time, considering recent events. It also made me finally play Halo 5, and spend actual money on it, though, so. Egh.

 Pixelmon

I’d argue this hardly counts, but also I did spend a fair while playing this mod this year on a Nuzforums-based server. The mod has come a long way since I first played it- I remember the original models, the cries that were very much just the developers trying to imitate the anime voices, and the shockingly good soundtrack that I don’t remember still being in the game.

With that in mind, the combination of Pokemon and Minecraft kind of has the issue of the two systems of progression not being particularly compatible. These two styles of gameplay don’t mesh as well as you think they do- having to stop catching Pokemon because you have to mine more metals to make more balls is a pain in the ass, and not being able to do Minecraft things because you keep getting random Zubat encounters is…about as annoying as it is in regular Pokemon, actually.

I like the idea. But it might need more refinement. And it’s been going kinda the same for a very long while now, so…

 Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards

This game still feels super weird to me, but it might be due to my unfamiliarity with the Dream Land sub-series of games. Compared to even Super Star (which is a fair few years and a console generation previous), this game just feels super awkward to play, and it certainly doesn’t hold up to the modern standard.

But, it’s still as charming as a Kirby game can get, silly 3D models and all. Miracle Matter is still probably my favourite boss in the series, and the one-two punch of it and 02 is a great way to close out this weird little game.

 The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Controversial (?) opinion: this game hasn’t aged as well as people think. Two words- draw distance. Well, that and controls, but it’s an N64 game, so.

Have yet to finish it. Kinda waiting to buy Majora’s Mask, which I really want to go through, until I do. Just have to get off my ass and do both those things. I like Zelda enough that I want to run through the games in the series that have piqued my interest, and that is going to have to start here.

Eventually.

 Octopath Traveler

I’m also guilty of not finishing this one, but it’s now been over a year (…two???) since I was gifted it, so that feels really bad. It’s kind of interesting, because I’ve actually never played a Final Fantasy, so this is the closest I’ve gotten to anything like that- I’ve really enjoyed what I played of it though!

I think what’s holding me back is the way I was first experiencing it. I started playing this game while my folks were away, on the big TV, fully taking in the majesty in art and in sound and in story that this game provides. And without that really being an option most of the time, I’ve felt like I wouldn’t be doing it justice otherwise.

 Pokemon Shining Pearl

Has my opinion changed in the last…like, few days? Not really, no. Will it change much as I gear up to try my first contest with the new iteration of how those work? Probably not.

 Guilty Gear Strive

To close out this list (oops nvm), a game I played but do not own. Look, man, this game just kinda fucks. I think a lot of what makes games like Tekken or Street Fighter so hard to approach is the sheer complexity- and while it’s not like GGS is simple, it doesn’t exactly have infinite move lists or character rosters.

The nice thing about this game, above all else, is that you never really feel helpless (unless you’re like completely outmatched, but what game doesn’t have that) in it. Because of all the effort to make the game have active defensive play, you’re still in the game even on the backfoot, with plenty of options to work with and try and reclaim the advantage. So even when you’re getting your ass beat, you’re still able to do stuff! That’s fucking great, love that.

Wait no no no that’s not the best thing. The best thing about this game is how impossibly fucking extra every single thing is.

Deltarune Chapter 2

Almost forgot about this, and a few other things, but then I remembered I should probably check, you know, this fucking blog to see if I missed anything I actually talked about. And I did! And we’ll get to them in turn.

(it’s like the PC games that weren’t on Steam mostly I think)

Anyway. Still think it’s better than Chapter 1. If you haven’t played it by this point, well, I don’t blame you considering the fanbase’s reputation, but you should. It’s real good. At the very least listen to A CYBER’S WORLD?, because that’s a genuine banger.

 Super Pokemon Mystery Dungeon

Meh. I’d say just play the original ones, but I guarantee you they’re like 100 dollars at this point. Explorers of Sky is, at least.

 Celeste

Another one I haven’t technically finished, but mostly because all the B-Sides and the like are FUCKIN hard. And I’m not good at the game.

This was probably a lot of people’s GOTY when it came out. Can’t disagree.

 Oneshot

In the grand scheme of things, people don’t gravitate towards this one like other #indieRPGs. I feel like Undertale/Deltarune overshadowed all of them, but even compared to something like Lisa, this doesn’t seem to get much buzz.

It deserves more buzz, basically. It’s like OFF, but if it was cute instead of weird. And didn’t have the battles, just the puzzles. And as much as I like that game, the battles were kinda the worst part of it (though the battle music slaps), so Oneshot kinda wins out a bit on that front.

But also apparently it’s coming out on consoles soon? How the FUCK is that going to work?

Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl

This has yet to have the staying power for me. In that, it was fun for a bit, but I don’t see enough reason to come back to it yet. It seems like it’s going to be supported for a while, at least, so maybe that’ll change.

Maaaaybe.

  That’s the list, I think. Still a bunch of stuff in my to-play list, but don’t we all? Still a bunch of stuff in my unfinished list, but don’t we all? Still don’t know how to end this post, but don’t we all?

Game of the year is still forever Beetle Adventure Racing, though. 22 years running. The Aussie version has now outlived the Commodore it’s based around. When will Volkswagen fall to the same axe?

[radramblog]

Films of 2021

2020 was kind of a dearth as far as cinema goes. To be fair, it was the start of a global pandemic that’s still ongoing, but it meant that a lot of things got delayed to this year.

IMDb lists 12,289 films as releasing this year, which is utterly ludicrous to what you’d think and what you’d see in theatres- which is correct, because that includes fan films, documentaries, hyper-niche indie things, Hallmark-ass Christmas movies, and everything in between. Still, there was a lot of reel to browse through this year.

I watched, uh. 5 movies. That came out this year. I think. And the only ones I haven’t talked about on this blog so far are the two I watched literally yesterday.

But hey, retreads are part of the experience at this point, right?

(spoilers I suppose?)

No ranked order again, I think, because I don’t want to start fights by putting things where people don’t like them. Might just go by the order I watched them in.

 #1: Evangelion 3.0 + 1.0 : Thrice Upon a Time

There’s like a 6-month gap between this movie and the other four I watched this year, so this one is definitely the most distant in my memory. Though it’s also the one I have literally saved on my computer, so I could just rewatch it now if I wanted, huh?

Fuck, right, it’s like 2 and a half hours long. Fuck that.

Eva 4.0 purports itself as the End of Evangelion, two decades after we had that happen already. And as one might expect from that indicator, it feels a lot like a reflection of that movie with the benefit of hindsight and also of having Hideaki Anno in a better place mentally. I’ve kind of wanted to do a post on EoE for a while (a bit cliché, but eh), but make no mistake- that movie is a deliberate snarl at fandom as well as a direct mental incision into the writer and the characters themselves.

End of Evangelion is, from memory, the only anime I have rated as a 10/10 on myanimelist. I don’t use that site anymore. Evangelion 3.0 + 1.0 is considerably not as good.

Eva 3.0+1.0 is messy, it is overlong, it is confusing, and it is distressingly horny. It has nothing as iconic as EoE’s uncomfortable opening scene or anything remotely as incredible as Komm, Susser Tod. But looking back, I’m actually glad it exists. EoE is a breakdown of otaku and of a very depressed man, while 3+1 is that but for the series of Evangelion itself, and portrays the outlook that someone who’s learned to live with themselves comfortably can bring.

EoE ends ambiguously, because that yawning void of creeping possibility is depression itself. 3.0+1.0 ends on hope and positivity, and while it may not be as deep or interesting, I think its what the series- and me- might have needed.

[This opinion may change if/when I rewatch the film.]

#2: No Time To Die

Uh, yeah, was a bit of a gap there. This movie came out in November in Australia, whereas I don’t remember exactly when I watched Evangelion (and can’t be arsed digging up the post to figure out the answer). The rest of these are clumped together, and therefore fresh in my head.

With that in mind, there goes the old Bond, in with the new one. I think it’s kind of a shame that there arguably was only one “by the numbers” Craig Bond film (being Spectre), and that it wasn’t very good, because I would have liked to see him get a little sillier. The franchise spent 3 movies going “all right, now he’s Ready to be James Bond”, and then a movie going “he’s retired, because he’s Too Old to be James Bond”. Just let him be Bond! He was pretty good at it!

Craig’s films had a pattern going. Good/Bad/Good/Bad, which meant that in theory, No Time to Die should have been Good. It wasn’t, really. It was fine. Considering how much different stuff the movie was doing as compared to other Bond films, it’s kind of surprising how average it ended up being in my opinion.

My worry is that this end-of-an-era means we’re also done with every other member of the recurring cast, because I actually quite like the other characters this iteration had going. Previous Bonds had long, long recurring castmembers- Desmond Llewelyn played Q for 17 movies, 33 years, and 5 Bonds. But I do really like Ralph Fiennes as M, Ben Wishaw as Q, and Naomie Harris as Moneypenny. Not to mention Jeffery Wright as Felix Leiter (rip I guess) and Lashana Lynch as this film’s new 00 agent. They were all much, much better than the scripts were trying to let them be.

Alas, the Bond producers are cowards. Can’t wait to see the next Bames, Jond Bames, as played by Chris Pratt.

 #3: Dune (Part One)

Look this is probably just my film of the year, but also mostly because I’m in love with Denis Villeneuve’s directing style. This movie is one where everything has weight, it moves deliberately, grindingly slow, and makes you feel every single step the characters take through the harsh sands of Arrakis. Without a doubt, this was the film that made me the most hyped for other, future films. Or to go read a fucking book for once.

I also fucking love the balls they had to just have Zendaya, arguably one of the biggest upcoming stars in Hollywood at the moment, arguably someone selling this movie to a lot of people, barely be in it. She’s basically teased for the next one, and I just find it very fun. Dune is, admittedly, a lot of setup for The Next One, but its emotional arc concludes, so it still feels complete. It feels whole. It feels…great.

It’s stylish and spectacular. It’s gritty and grandiose. It’s fucking Dune, baby. Accept no substitutes.

 #4: Spider-Man: No Way Home

(spoilers! I mean I saw this film kinda “late” but still!)

Now we’re on to the two films I watched Literally Yesterday. There may be a common theme between them. Welcome to the Marvel Zone.

Like many people, prior to watching this film, I and a mate went back to go through all the other Spider-Guy films. I mean, we skipped the Holland ones (and Spider-Verse, but tbh I kinda wanna rewatch that now), so it was just the McGuire and Garfield ones, but still. And let me tell you, they sure. Are films.

I think at this point, I’m done ever thinking Marvel is going to do a Great movie. They will produce plenty of good movies, and probably even a bunch of mediocre ones, but the nature of how these are produced means I’d be shocked if we ever get something that truly breaks free of the mould. This is not intended to be an indictment- they aren’t really going for that in the first place, and the movies they’re making absolutely do the job they intend to- getting people excited, getting butts in seats, and having a good time.

Spider-Man: No Way Home is a good movie. It’s fun and enjoyable. Considering I watched The Amazing Spider-Man 2 immediately before this film, I can tell you flat out that its way better than that- Electro not only actually looks good in this film, he’s actually more interesting and doesn’t sound like complete shit. Green Goblin and Doc Ock get to show up with actually good special effects, and Lizard looks less like complete shit.

With that in mind, the film doesn’t really have enough space to develop the huge number of characters it has running around. As much as I like the interactions between the trio of Spider-Men, they do just kind of unceremoniously dump Garfield and McGuire into the film, and Sandman and Lizard have effectively nothing going on through the whole thing. Flint Marko spends almost the entire climax just sitting around, I guess? Connors is just in a van while the rest of the cast gets to have character interactions and dialogue? I know those two were the ones with the least need for reform (Flint is an anti-villain at worst, and Dr. Connors was just driven nuts by trying to make his arm exist), but it would have been nice for them to, you know, Do Something.

None of this matters, really. It’s still a Marvel movie, and I think we know what those are like at this point. I don’t think it’s as good as some of the other ones, I think it’s better than some of the other other ones.

 #5: Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

I didn’t expect to watch this movie in the first place. Figured I was done with Marvel, but wanted to watch new Spideyboy for nostalgia reasons. That one sure did Nostalgia-bait a lot!

Also, I had heard basically nothing about it. I knew Black Widow and Eternals were both Not Good, but hadn’t heard much from Shang-Chi at all. Didn’t know who was in it (Michelle Yeoh showing up was only a surprise because it took so long), didn’t know how it was rated, didn’t know anything about the plot.

With that in mind, I liked this a surprising amount more than I thought I would. Turns out, when unburdened by the shackles of everything having to share a universe, there can still be some pretty fun ideas in this one.

I mean. There is the guy from Iron Man 3 in this. But I haven’t seen that, so. Also Wong is there, but him just being in like 3 minutes of a bunch of different movies is a bit I really enjoy.

Again, this is not a mind-blowingly good movie- it’s a fun action movie with a lot of martial arts running around and some cool SFX tricks and witty dialogue. But it just felt like a breath of fresh air. The leads are all going hard- I don’t know if I’ve seen Simu Liu in anything before but he was good here, and Awkwafina (who I’d seen before in Ocean’s 8 where she was great (honestly not a particularly good film but an enjoyable one)) was an absolute riot in this one as the goofy everywoman. I guess she’s the Arthur Dent of this film, but with the skill of being Good At Cars.

My opinion is that if Spider-Man 3 (new) proved that Marvel is more than happy to make bank off of nostalgia and continuity, Shang-Chi proved that they can do just as well (if not maybe better) with an original cast and story. Eventually, they’ll have to- even if they try to keep this universe going forever, they’re going to have to retire characters and actors eventually- but the new lifeblood they’re breathing into it is at least solid. Sometimes. Eteranls was really bad apparently.

 That’s kind of the sum total, I suppose. Looking at the list of movies that came out this year (again), I don’t really think I’ve missed much that I would have wanted to see- maybe the new Matrix, but that came out like two days ago here and also I haven’t seen the second and third ones. Venom 2, I guess? Its not like Taika Waititi had a film this year, so.

Uh, yeah. Keen for Dune 2, and some other stuff, but you know. It’s a weird time. They deadass released 4 marvel films this year, man, and also Venom 2 which doesn’t technically count. That’s too much stuff. Tone it down, stop getting people hype forever.

[radramblog]

best (?) of magic in 2021

Welcome to the final week of the year. Ish. Technically that started a couple days ago, but yknow.

As it’s the end of the year, I’m going to be committing to that thing every Content Creator decides to do, apparently, and that is: write a bunch of top/bottom-tier lists. It’s a tradition, right?

It’s also Monday, and that’s usually the day I set aside for talking about everybody’s favourite money pit, Magic the Gathering. So I guess this is the top…Magic? Of this year?

…how much Magic came out this year again?

Oh.

Just so we’re on the same page, here is a full list of everything Magic that came out this year.

>5 Standard-Legal sets- Kaldheim, Strixhaven, Adventures in the Forgotten Realms, Midnight Hunt, and Crimson Vow

>2 Supplemental sets- Time Spiral Remastered and Modern Horizons 2

>Various fancy versions of cards and reprints associated with those sets- the Strixhaven Mystical Archive, the Retro Frame cards from TSR/MH2, etc.

>17 new Preconstructed Commander decks, all associated with the aforementioned Standard-legal sets (excluding the Secret Lair one)

>4 Arena-Only sets- two Historic Anthologies, Jumpstart: Historic Horizons, and the first load of Alchemy cards

>A reprint of Mystery Booster: Convention Edition (but not exclusive to conventions)

>Various Promos (Judge promos, WPN promos, Love Your LGS, etc.)

That is a lot of Magic. According to Scryfall, there were a total of 1,919 new cards released this year- that’s 8.3% of the game’s 22897 cards across 3.5% of its time in existence. Probably less time than that, actually, but to compare, there were 1,231 new cards in 2020 and 1,205 in 2019. The year I started playing, 2013, had 755 brand-new cards, for reference- that’s less than 40% as much as this year. And that doesn’t include reprints.

I don’t have any idea how I could possibly rank them. I can’t really even grade each set accurately, because I haven’t really had the chance to play with half of them. I used to go to FNM every week at a minimum, but I’ve not drafted…any set this year, I think. I did a casual MH2 Sealed event for a mate’s birthday, but that’s the only non-cube limited I’ve done.

In short, despite spending ages talking about Magic this year, I’m really not qualified to talk about what its highlights were this year.

So I’m instead going to go through things in the formats I did play- specifically, what cards I liked for Commander and Cube. And because combing through almost 2000 cards is hard, I’m just going to be looking at the actual commanders, and the cards that I added to my cube that are from this year.

So it’s going to be a little bit biased. Gonna stress that these are my favourite cards, not necessarily the best ones. Go to ChannelFireball or something for those.

Commander

This list I think is going to end up being weaker than the Cube one. I mean, at the end of the day, there was no Commander this year that I dedicated time into building a real deck around- can’t say the same about 2020.

It’s also going to be a bit of a weirder list, because I definitely approach this format a bit more differently than most people. I think that’s best evidenced by the fact that my one Commander from last year was Callaphe of all things.

Egh, fuck it. I can’t order these. Honest truth- I’m actually writing this section second, and I’m tired at this point. Here’s a few words on like like every card I was thinking of when I went through everything.

Adeline, Resplendent Cathar: This actually almost made the list for Cube as well. This card, in my eyes, proves that two things are possible- one, that Mono-White is definitely still good enough (and y’all are just mean), and two, that Aggro is definitely still good enough (and y’all are just mean). I really like her, she goes tall and wide simultaneously, and she demonstrates that White’s problems don’t necessarily need “solving”. Though they probably should do that still.

Minn, Wily Illusionist: I have actually designed a deck around this one, and god, it was a lot of fun. This card is just so genuinely interesting that I’ve thought about taking Callaphe apart and replacing it with Minn. It was just, the moment I realised that this card can ramp you. It doesn’t say nonland, you can just drop lands when your illusions hit the dirt. That was huge.

Ebondeath, Dracolich: Believe it or not, I actually struggled to make picks for my favourite colour combinations this year. It wasn’t actually a great year for Mono-Black, all things considering? At the very least, the cards we got didn’t really pique my interest super much. Ebondeath did, though, so there’s that.

Gisa, Glorious Resurrector: She just looks like she’s having such a good time.

Yedora, Grave Gardener: I’ve always been a fan of checking the “secondary” Commanders present in precons, because there’s always some really whacky designs. Yedora is one of these- it’s a mono-Green Aristocrats-esque card that also happens to have insane synergy with Morph, one of my favourite mechanics. You can go infinite with fucking Temur Charger, how sick is that?

Toski, Bearer of Secrets and Chatterfang, Squirrel General: I’m lumping these together because I’m just happy they’re there. Good for MaRo. Finally got Squirrel Tribal out of the Un-Set hell it’s been in since its brief escape in Odyssey block. Now to just reprint all those cards, and also remove the reserved list so we can get Deranged Hermit back.

Dennick, Pious Apprentice / Dennick, Pious Apparition: Something about this guy just wriggled its way into my brain and I cannot get him out. I have to figure this deck out and then build it. I don’t know why, but I gotta. I’m thinking, like, Looter tribal? Maybe? The only thing I’ve really got is the deck’s name, Kill This Man, because somebody kill my commander so I can use it properly.

Vega, the Watcher: On the flipside, this is just ludicrously simple and clean, but great as a result. I really enjoy uncommon commanders sometimes- when they’re basic and open or niche but powerful. It’s a fine line- I mean, look at most of the ones from AFR, they’re kinda garbo- but some of them really get to shine.

Eloise, Nephalia Sleuth: Iunno man this one’s just cool. Investigate is a great mechanic, would love to see it more often.

Kardur, Doomscourge: Kardur was very much a card that told me that Rakdos was back, and back to being interesting. Of course Goad and its similar effects should be BR, it works perfectly. And then it kind of got completely overshadowed by Karazakar and Prosper and the like, but still. It’s cool.

Halana and Alena, Partners: Look, I’m just happy they got to stick around. Always loved these characters, was great to see them in Commander Legends, greater to see them in an actual Innistrad set.

Tovolar, Dire Overlord / Tovolar, the Midnight Scourge: This is kind of a dishonourable mention, actually. It frustrates me so deeply that, instead of getting a bunch of cool an interesting Werewolf commanders that do a bunch of different takes on how the deck should work, like what the Vampires got in Crimson Vow, we got exactly one. And he’s so incredibly nuts that it makes no sense to run anything else. Fuck, man, I don’t want this for this tribe.

Genuinely, though, I know that Werewolves are a problematic design space because of their complexity, but you know what you could have done? Added a fucking WOLF legend that buffs Werewolves too? Considering every Werewolf in the set also cares about Wolves? Come on, man.

(Side-note: I’d also like to give a dishonourable mention to Tergrid, God of Fright, for completely overshadowing every other Mono-B deck this year and also making a lot of people very very miserable)

Grist, the Hunger Tide: I just like that this guy’s a secret extra Planeswalker Commander. And also, Insect tribal! I think I’d still run Xira Arien, but that’s just me.

General Ferrous Rokiric: As much as I dislike every card with 3+ colours being fucking insane and there’s not enough mono/two-coloured decks in the format, I do actually like encouraging playing multicoloured cards. I really like the idea of a deck where all those Shadowmoor/Eventide cards are really good. I dunno. I’m still tossing up what I want to do for bonus extra Boros deck, but this guy is on the table.

Odric, Blood-Cursed: Fuck you this guy’s neato you’re just mean.

Quintorius, Field Historian: I feel like I was too harsh on this guy the first time. He’s a neat little guy, does interesting things, and it encourages you to lean into some of Boros’s better card advantage options. Did he really have to be 5 mana, though?

 Cube

Okay this one gets to be an actual ordered list.

Honorable Mention: Tourach, Dread Cantor

I’m not going to act like this card is incredible. Hell, it’s probably not even that good. It’s a 2 mana 2/1 with limited upside, or it’s a very hard-to-cast 4 mana 4/3 with insane upside. I guess maybe I should put this guy in my 4s section, huh?

But I’m just a sucker for Hymn to Tourach. I’m fully aware of how painful it is to get hit with it- hell, I think I might have been targeted by this spell in Cube more that I’ve gotten to play it. But it’s just so sick. I’m glad I get to have Black discard effects in my cube, because they’re something I just really enjoy playing with- and it might be a bit of a feel bad to play against them sometimes, but hey. Just draft Black yourself next time, and show them how you feel about it.

The card’s called Despise for a reason. I mean, I don’t play that one anymore (it’s not good!), but still.

 #5: Smoldering Egg / Ashmouth Dragon

The keen-eyed among people who actually look at my cube may notice a suspicious Thing in the Ice-shaped hole in my Blue section. But why, Rad, why are you not playing that classic banger? Aren’t you trying to support Blue-based control decks? Aren’t you supporting a Blue/Red spellslinger deck? Whatever gives? Why not Horror Guy?

Thing in the Ice is a card I have a bit of history with. I played an aggro deck in Standard at the time, played SOI draft weekly (it might be my favourite format), and as such have sat across the table from the thing plenty of times. It has not given me a good impression. It’s a very good card, but not one I like, and I want to keep only cards I actually enjoy in my cube if I can get away with it.

Smoldering Egg, therefore, is a very convenient alternative. It does a lot of the same things, but rather than resetting the game when it transforms, it instead acts as a turning point for the deck’s plan, letting it pivot aggressive while still blowing through things in the process. It’s a bit more playable in tempo-ier decks, but it also encourages playing some of the more expensive spells available- hell, I’d consider playing this in Mono-Red if I had Fireblast. Dig Through Time flips it immediately!

In short, I love this card, and I don’t love Thing in the Ice. Besides, it’s like a quarter of the price.

 #4: Timeless Dragon

As a heads up, every other card on this list fits a pattern. That is, there’s two Green and two White cards, and they’re from Midnight Hunt and Modern Horizons 2. I said I was biased.

With that in mind, I feel like I’m going crazy when I don’t see this card in many cubes. It’s in less than 5% of cubes total, and that just feels so low to me considering how versatile this thing is.

This card effectively has two modes. The first is an instant-speed 2 mana draw 2 in White, as long as you know that one card is always a land and the other is always a 4 mana 4/4 flyer, which is pretty fine. That doesn’t sound that good later in the game, but fortunately, the other mode of a 5 mana 5/5 flyer that draws you a 4 mana 4/4 flyer on death looks pretty good there. This card is just a versatile value house- this isn’t even getting into its synergies with mill or strength against discard effects.

It’s definitely not the splashiest thing in the world, but honestly, it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes, a big idiot dragon is good enough, and this one happens to be two of those.

 #3: Timeless Witness

Man, maybe I just like Eternalize. But no, this is actually here for a very specific reason.

When I was looking into redoing my Cube up a bit, I was kind of in a rut. I’d added the green Demigod, Renata, to my list on seeing it in some other ones- only to realise it was in those because it’s a Persist combo enabler (which isn’t a thing in my list) that’s a bit more playable outside of that context. And I kinda forgot what I had cut for Renata- but also, wanted my new card to support some of the synergies I was going for in my Green section.

Then this thing came along. Boom, it’s a Human for GW decks. Boom, it’s a graveyard card for GB decks. Boom, it’s just kind of really good value. I didn’t have Eternal Witness in at the time, but now that I do have that card (and am seeking a non-Terese Nielsen version, thanks asshat), I’m still keeping the Timeless one in. It’s obviously weaker on account of being more mana, but I’ve just grown attached to it.

 #2: Cathar Commando

Whenever WoTC ends spoiler season by just unceremoniously dumping the last of the cards upon the people all at once, there’s often a card or two hiding in the pile of draft commons and uncommons (and like one rare they knew people won’t care about) that are actually worth the interest. For Crimson Vow, that was Ancestral Anger- the secret extra Zada draw effect they tried to throw me off of by giving it text that doesn’t work in Commander (also Reckless Impulse). For Modern Horizons 2, that was Unholy Heat (kind of the best burn spell in years?) and Goblin Anarchomancer. And for Midnight Hunt, that was Cathar Commando. And probably some other stuff too.

This card is just so simple, and yet somehow of the 30-odd White 3/1s for 2, it has managed to skyrocket right near the top. I guess it has to be simple- it’s a common from a regular standard set, but still. I’d argue this thing is more playable than the Mythic Rare 1W 3/1 from the very same set, Intrepid Adversary- and that’s something you just don’t see in modern sets. Commons aren’t supposed to be allowed to do that these days, but here we are.

For the record, it’s technically the only 3/1 for 2 I’m running- only because Adanto Vanguard, the utterly absurd beast that it is, is acshually a 1/1. But I think that says a lot about how much I think about this card.

 #1: Tovolar’s Huntmaster / Tovolar’s Packleader

Grave Titan is a card with a long, long history of terror in Cube. Released as part of a cycle of 5, each of settling into their own homes. Sun Titan is an EDH Menace, Primetime decimates Modern whenever it hits the field. Inferno Titan lives in Cube as well, but has never been quite as good and is much more replacable. Frost Titan is also there…hey, I’m still running it. But nothing can really step to the old Grave Daddy in Cube as far as 6-drops go.

And the thing is, that’s embarrassing for Green. For the undeniable best 6-mana card to be Black? For the colour that’s about getting to the big good stuff to be outdone in its optimal peak? For the ramp deck to have to splash another colour to get something as game-ending as the big man himself? For shame.

And lo, finally, we received it. The Green Grave Titan. Is it as good? Not quite, obviously. But is it good enough? Absolutely.

 anyway thats it im goin bed buh-bye hopefully when i wake up there’ll be a neon kamigawa w/e spoiler that’s a samurai and not a ninja still a little miffed about the new umezawa anyway

[radramblog]

What happened to Roxy in Post-Canon Homestuck?

Some time ago, I wrote an essay about a connection I had made between the characterisation of Dirk Strider in official post-canon Homestuck media (that is, the Epilogues, Homestuck^2, and Pesterquest) and its potential origin in the relatively popular fanfiction, Detective Pony (It makes sense in context.) In retrospect, I think that post is actually a little rough around the edges, but still at least coherent in what it’s trying to do. I was pretty proud of it at the time, and it sprung to mind an idea for a follow-up post- however, the efforts of laziness, inertia, and the knowledge that it would never be the post I have it as in my head have prevented me from writing it until now.

Because I’d like to talk about Roxy Lalonde, but I really don’t want to fuck it up.

While Dirk was an idea I had basically fully formed from the moment I saw the through line, Roxy and their handling in the Epilogues/Homestuck^2 is something I have wanted to discuss, because I think it’s really interesting, but also something I don’t feel like I’m fully in the right to. The Dirk post was a connection of characterization, writing styles, and fandom through lines, and while some of that is present in Roxy, their issues are much more on the side of trans representation and how stories about trans characters are written, presented, and told. And as I happen to not be trans (last I checked), I figured that if I was going to do this subject justice, I should probably consult with someone who is.

This post, therefore, is going to refer to an interview (I guess? I kinda just sent him some questions and he very helpfully responded) with a friend of mine, Coda, to make sure that this post is not just some cis bloke talking about trans issues without any actual lived experience. I also went back and rewatched a short video essay by Jojo A.K.A. Funk McLovin (link here) delving into the same topic, which helped me with a few points and also gave me confidence that some of the ones I had already were a good idea.

With all that in mind, I ask the question: What happened to Roxy Lalonde in Homestuck Post-Canon?

Unfortunately, I’m not quite done with the preamble yet. This is a complex enough topic that I need to address a couple more things. Mostly, pronouns and timelines. As presented in the Homestuck comic, Roxy is a character who uses she/her pronouns, and in the Candy timeline of the Epilogues/Homestuck^2, she continues to do so, and I will refer to her as such when referencing those events. However, in the Meat timeline, Roxy eventually transitions from using she/her into they/them, and then later ends up using he/him. As such, I will be referring to that timeline’s iteration of the character using he/him pronouns, and furthermore will be referring to the character overall using they- not just because of gender neutrality, but also because it is multiple versions of the character so the plural is accurate.

That clarification kind of introduces the whole topic, but there is one last thing to mention when discussing Roxy’s post-canon self, though I’m not actually sure how much of a big deal it is. See, when I was researching for this, I made the foolish mistake of looking up a tag along the lines of “Roxy Lalonde discourse” (not sure exactly what it was, this was a while ago and I didn’t take notes) and tripped over a second controversy apparently related to how Roxy was drawn and presented in Pesterquest. That topic is not really part of this piece, both because I don’t really know what it’s about, because it would probably be extraneous to the topic, and because from what little I do know it would be even less something I could discuss in an informed manner.

With all that finally out of the way, who the fuck is Roxy Lalonde?

Roxy is a character from the Alpha iteration of Earth within the context of Homestuck, which means the version of reality after the timeline is completely reset through the mechanics of the fully immersive simulator/RPG game Sburb. Her previous timeline’s iteration was Rose Lalonde’s adoptive (kind of) mother, and in the Alpha timeline, those roles are reversed- sort of. Due to the whims of timeline chicanery, she actually grows up in the far-flung future, long after Earth has been ravaged by )(er Imperial Condescension and repopulated by what are effectively chess people and alien monsters.

Roxy takes the role of one of the main characters of Act 6, joining the 4-person (plus one person-based A.I.) band known as the Alpha Kids, who too play Sburb both in an attempt to escape the apocalypse, to rebuild a world that’s a bit less tyrannical and devastated, and to finally get to meet each other IRL instead of just online. As a character, after brief obfuscation via the medium, we find Roxy to be a passionate and compassionate person, with a much more relaxed and flirtier demeanour than most of the other characters we’ve met thus far, implied to be a function of being drunk basically all the time (we later find out that, nah she’s just chill). She’s probably the most level-headed member of her cohort, with most of the #teendrama of Act 6 happening around her (what with Jake and Dirk’s relationship being a mess, Jane and Jake’s non-relationship being a mess, etc.), and apparently (according to Dirk) is basically the emotional centre and leader of the four. She’s deeply caring (stealing pumpkins through time and space to feed her neighbours) but can sometimes be a bit impulsive and take things well too far (exploding Jane’s computer to try to get her not to play Sburb). In a couple of words, Roxy is a good bean.

She also happens to be one of the few Alpha kids to really get development, owing to her extended presence as one of the few survivors of GAME OVER (and being one of the few characters to maintain continuity between those two timelines). At the same time, a lot of her development happens offscreen, such as her quitting drinking in the time skip that is Act 6 Act 4 (somehow not the worst way a character stops binge drinking in this comic) or with basically anything to do with her post-retcon self. This is less an issue of Roxy specifically, and more one with how Act 6 is written overall- but since she is introduced in that act, her entire characterisation (and that of the rest of the Alphas) is made more difficult as a result.

Most relevantly, however, during the almost 5 years that Act 6 took, a growing contingent of fans began thinking about, discussing, and spreading the idea/headcanon that Roxy was a trans character. In fact, this interpretation started pretty much just as the character was revealed- for a while, the last two letters of Roxy’s name were deliberately obscured (with her just being referred to as Lalonde, RoLal, or by her handle of tipsyGnostalgic). The page immediately before her traditional Homestuck welcome, however, revealed said final two letters as XY, and specifically referred to them as chromosomic. While this is very likely just a joke with no further implications intended, it’s pretty easy to read this as a subtle nod to her being a quietly established male-to-female trans character. Other facts, like Roxy’s limited human interaction growing up (having exactly 3 other humans to talk to online, not in person, and also 2ish aliens and the chess people) likely leading to her subscribing to the same social norms as people IRL do, reinforced the idea for some and made it easier to swallow for others.

I am no expert on the fandom of this era, unfortunately. My entry into this comic came about two years later (right before the Megapause, from memory), and I certainly wasn’t around on Tumblr or the like when I was like 12 years old. My understanding, however, is that this idea spread like wildfire throughout certain corners of the fandom- and with a fandom as huge as Homestuck’s was, and with as many headcanons being generally accepted, it’s not hard to imagine this one doing the same. It’s worth noting that Homestuck has always had a relatively LGBTQIA+-leaning community, and the comic does ultimately reflect that in many ways. It is frustrating that Tumblr is such a garbage website that I can’t really figure any way to look at trend or tag analytics (if you do have a way, please let me know!) and that Google’s search analytics apparently don’t have enough data to work with for this, so I do not have much in the way of actual quantifiable evidence to present for this- so you’re just going to have to take my word for it, I guess.

This headcanon was not omnipresent, obviously. As an example, the tag “Trans Roxy Lalonde” appears in about 1.3% of Roxy-inclusive fanfictions on Archive of our Own (compare “Trans Dirk Strider” which appears in 1.6% of his fics, or Trans Jake English, which appears in less than 0.3% of his), though considering how bad people are at tagging things that’s hardly a great metric. One of those fanfictions is a crossover with Harry Potter, though, which is something that I find extremely funny in retrospect. Instead, I’ll quote Coda, who I believe was involved in the fandom prior to myself and would likely have been more involved in general- when I asked about said headcanon, he replied,

“I wasn’t actually! Though I do like that headcanon. I guess the more I think on it it makes sense to me. Having a form of identity that you can reaffirm has already been canon supposedly prior for me is a better form of representation.”

Which is a sentiment I fully agree with. And one that is hard to contextualise without the rest of the context of the question, which itself requires the rest of the context of Roxy to continue.

It is worth noting that as with any fanon, there are arguments for and against its being correct within actual canon. And ultimately, if you put a gun to my head, I think the arguments against Roxy being MtF are a bit more convincing than those for it. However, I have to stress that none of those arguments actually mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Fanon is where feelings matter more than facts because it’s about the interpretations of the work by individuals who are spreading and discussing how they think the characters and worlds of the work exist and function. It basically doesn’t matter whether or not Roxy is canonically trans in the context of Homestuck, because people are going to decide one way or the other on their own.

What does matter, however, is that a lot of people thought that this was the case and were excited to have an actual trans character in a work that while tackling things like bisexuality and even asexuality hadn’t really done much to speak of regarding transgender characters.

Before I delve into the post-canon, I’d like to do more preamble. While I’m calling this an essay, it is ultimately still on my ramble blog, and thus I think I have the right. The post-canon official Homestuck media, that is, the Epilogues, Homestuck^2, and Hiveswap/Hiveswap Friendsim/Pesterquest, are all written largely by people who were part of the fandom before they were officially involved with the comic. It’s not hard to find out who those are and what they did, but because it doesn’t really matter, I’m not going to go into it.

However, this does mean that when those pieces of media were made as part of the official body of work, many aspects of fanon were, whether intentionally or unintentionally, made official. For example, Karkat being particularly photosensitive as a result of his mutation, how Jade was affected by merging with Becquerel (which is its own pile of issues), and as I discussed in my previous essay, details about Dirk’s rewriting of Detective Pony that he made as a gift for Jane. Considering how specific some of the details are, I find it extremely unlikely that those involved weren’t at least aware of the trans Roxy headcanon, and so I wouldn’t be surprised to see it reflected in their continuation of their character.

It is also impossible to know what exactly happened behind the scenes when these were written, and discussing authorial intent is often a path down which only madness lies. However, considering the care and attention paid to a lot of things within the post-canon works, I am willing to give these authors the benefit of the doubt- that is to say, I don’t think anyone involved knew exactly what the implications of what their version of the story, and their versions of Roxy’s character, were as far as representation and fanon go. Basically, at its absolute worst, I think this would be a colossal fuckup, not a colossal fuck you. And I’m not here to attack said authors either…especially since I’m sure they’ve had enough vitriol thrown their way.

But, even though the intent of Homestuck’s post-canon is to be a version of events, not the one, and even though it explores what canonicity even means as part of its overall narrative arc, and even though the epilogues literally present themselves as fanfiction, I think it’s worth noting that like it or not, the Epilogues and Homestuck^2 are the official continuation of Homestuck’s story. So, while they’re listed on the wiki as “dubiously canon”, they’re as good as canon as far as the fandom is concerned.

So, what of Roxy?

…sigh.

The Homestuck Epilogues and Homestuck^2 very quickly split off into two timelines, Meat and Candy, each with their own version of Roxy whose lives and identities take two very different turns. In Candy, she beings dating John, eventually marrying him and having a child (through the traditional method, not via ectobiology) named Harry Anderson. Eventually the two split up, and Roxy is mostly left to raise Harry alone on account of John being a mopey ass for like two decades. While during Homestuck^2, they eventually make peace, the comic’s progression has ended before this could go particularly far, and she is ultimately not a main character in this timeline relative to people like John, Jane, or the four descendant children (Harry, Vrissy, Tavros, and…Yiffy…) of the main characters.

In Meat, Roxy ends up dating Calliope (later Callie), what with John busy on a canon-saving suicide mission. It’s unclear as to exactly how far this goes, since again they’re not really the main character here (sup Dirk), but the two both come out as nonbinary using they/them pronouns- Roxy questioning why their new, custom-built universe even has gender norms, which is a pretty fucking good point- and then later Roxy decides to use he/him. There’s probably a bit more detail there, but I already reread more of Homestuck^2 and the epilogues than I’m really comfortable with to get the points I have (hell of a way to spend Christmas eve), and I’m losing my tolerance for Fanta-coloured text, so we’re going to move on.

In one timeline, Roxy is a woman who marries (and divorces) a man with whom she has a biological son through traditional methods- she is explicitly pregnant and goes into labour as part of the story. In the other, Roxy is an FtM trans dude who’s dating a nonbinary alien and who wears cool shades. Independent of anything else and each other, these are not inherently bad places for a character to go. Together, though, and with the greater fanon context in mind, we start to see a problem.

To be blunt, the effective canonicity of both Meat and Candy Roxy completely scuttles any possibility of the MtF headcanon being true in-universe. Roxy being MtF doesn’t make a lot of sense when he then goes FtM in Meat (I mean, I think it could happen, but you’d think he’d bring it up when talking about it), and it is utterly incompatible with the presentation of Roxy’s biology in Candy (again, it could be possible that it was changed, but you think someone would bring it up if it did). It takes a piece of well-regarded fan theory, quite literally inverts it one way and erases it another, and presents it back, asking “this is what you wanted, right? Trans Roxy?”

Even outside of this fan theory, however, this particular presentation of a trans character has a lot of its own issues, most of which went well and truly over my head because, well, I wasn’t the kind of person to think about them on my first readthrough. As such, this is where I’m going to be quoting Coda much more liberally. Because these are not topics that I am an expert on, but it would not be right not to present them here- because at the end of the day, this story’s handling of its trans characters is capital-P problematic.

The first major issue is that it’s a presentation of a character as trans solely and exclusively within the context of an epilogue. To quote, “I do like the idea of having characters transition but it was cheapened for me by it only first occurring in the Epilogues”. The former is obvious- representation of trans characters is sorely lacking, and it’s only in the last few years that this has started to shift to the better. However, the fact that this aspect of the character was exclusively discussed as part of the epilogues, not part of the main series, and as something that relatively much fewer people actually read is kind of a big issue. In essence, Trans Roxy is not a bad idea, but if they wanted to do it, they should definitely have started earlier.

This could arguably be attributed to the added writing staff being brought on only very late in the game. And I would also argue that if Homestuck^2 had continued, and the Epilogues served their secondary purpose of being its prologue, this issue would be less pronounced. However, in my eyes, having Roxy only transition after the curtain falls feels half-assed and almost tokenistic.

The second and arguably much more important bugbear is the issue of having a character transition exclusively in one timeline, as it has implications about gender as a concept that are simply untrue. Continuing the previous quote, “Additionally the idea that a person would only transition in one timeline feels in poor taste. As yes it’s well established multiple timelines have very varied outcomes, but for one of only two timelines presented have them not transition. It makes it feel like their gender is a subject of their circumstance not their identity.”. In reality, gender is a critical part of basically every person’s identity in some way- whether that be embracing the stereotypes of one’s assigned gender completely, rejecting the notion in its entirety, or anywhere in between or elsewhere, and the idea that the events around Roxy completely reshaped their gender between timelines is utterly laughable.

With that said, it is possible that Candy Roxy is still a trans person who just hasn’t figured it out yet- there are two conversations within that timeline (on pages ten and thirty-eight) that feature Roxy explicitly discussing gender…though the former of those is awkward and interrupted and the latter has some narration surrounding it that reads very uncomfortable considering the context. And the thing is, were Meat its own independent, fleshed-out plotline, it would probably be basically alright as far as representation goes-

“Good representation is a complex subject, but Homestuck did pass the low bar of having them transition openly. There can be no confusion of their identity in that timeline.”

And when you see so many properties deliberately toeing the line when it comes to representation, it’s nice to see at least one thing fully embrace it…but it’s unfortunately a side character in half of a story and he gets very little focus overall. I’d also like to note that in Meat, the two trans characters- Roxy and Callie- basically get paired off, with Callie being completely Roxy’s satellite and having little to nothing to do on their own despite being a very important character in the comic itself.

Come to think of it, and I literally just realised this while writing- this makes Callie a second iteration of a character with the exact same issues as Roxy does in the Epilogues- that is, while they transition in both timelines (though I don’t think it’s explicitly mentioned in Candy), their alternate self is a hugely important character, but continues to use she/her and presenting as female. She does spend a lot of that time possessing a female body (in the ghostly sense), but still, that’s a frustrating point.

Anyway, the last major point I want to hit on as to why Roxy’s handling as a trans character in post-canon is unfortunate actually stems from the relationship the comic itself has had with LGBTQIA+ people, themes, and ideas in general, because it’s a long, complicated history. Homestuck started being written in the very late 00s, where certain slurs and homophobic/transphobic “humour” was considered more socially acceptable than it is today, and so many characters end up having that as part of their dialogue. I would like to have not been the case, but it is, and we can’t change that now. While Homestuck has provided some solid representation in some ways, it has been sorely lacking and arguably hostile to others- but I’d rather not be the sole voice on that. In fact, I might just quote the question I posed in its entirety.

“Do you have any other thoughts about how Homestuck/Epilogues/HS2 handles LGBTQ+ characters (e.g. the trolls, Rose, June Egbert)?”

“There were many things that I didn’t see as a representation of my own identity as a young adult, and instead understood more as just a part of the characters. Like how all the Trolls are essentially pan/bi, or that Rose is in love with Kanaya. I think looking back it’s grating seeing John as a protagonist who has casually homophobic and transphobic rhetoric. There’s a lot of media where it’s difficult because we don’t get to see a lot of younger mlm content. Particularly because they’re not seen as advertiser friendly, which is why online media is an important part of media representation. Homestuck is atrocious at providing positive representation of mlm. Dave sprite and John have a double death offscreen, without at all exploring their relationship. Dave and Karkat begin their relationship with some tense bullying. Jake and Dirk’s whole thing. I could go on. That being said I loved Rose when I was younger and from my perspective is one of the better sources of queer representation in Homestuck. I have some complex feelings on the matter as a whole. I think for a while for it’s time it was progressive but it means the subsequent failure to improve has felt more disappointing.”

I think failure to improve is the key word here, because while you could argue things from 2009 to 2013 were “of its time”, the epilogues show many of the same traits. That aforementioned narration is one thing, but the continued semi-transphobic rhetoric from John can be, and I quote, “grating”- a sentiment I fully agree with.

Also, Coda didn’t bring this up when I asked him, and it’s likely because he forgot about it- because I certainly did but rediscovered in my research- as part of being the narrator during Meat, Dirk repeatedly and deliberately misgenders and demeans Roxy explicitly as a result of his transition (see Meat page thirty-six), and in my eyes, it’s completely uncalled for and unacceptable. Dirk as a character is explicitly setting himself up as a villain here, but he is doing plenty to do that and doesn’t require this petty, needless antagonism that only the reader (and Terezi apparently) can see. It’s just so utterly pointless from a narrative perspective, offensive from a writing perspective, and even makes basically no sense in universe- for Dirk (who is becoming the villain so he can keep his friends safe by continuing the story) to do this to someone who is/was his only friend for a long time, a friend who considers Dirk incredibly important to himself, and after Dirk goes out of his way to narrate his approval when Roxy and Callie’s transition first comes up (Meat nineteen)!

At its baseline, I can see how this thought process occurred. Firstly, they knew the fans wanted trans Roxy, and they knew where the story was going to have to go. I can see this timeline split as the compromise the writers came up with to try and get the story where it needed to be. Like I said earlier- I think this is a fuckup, because doing this intentionally makes no sense in the first place. It’s something that probably came from good intentions, which terrible execution and lack of forethought have turned into a very unfortunate conclusion to a very complicated story.

The broader idea of this kind of story (where we see a character transition in one timeline and not in another) is kind of interesting, though questionable in its own right. To quote Coda one last time-

“It’s not an idea I like overall. I think on a larger scale it could work, a story focussed on how identity is shaped by our experiences and environment is a cool concept. However because it is only over two timelines that it’s explored in any detail, it becomes questionable. If a character is only shown in one timeline to become trans, those who aren’t as familiar with queer identities might assume it’s a decision”

I do partially disagree with this, actually. I think a story like this could work, provided proper care and attention was paid to the details- in particular, if it’s explicitly clear that they are trans in both timelines and just don’t realise it for a while in one of them, or something along that line. But that would be an incredibly delicate kind of subject to handle, and I cannot think of many writers I’d trust to do so.

I also think this story structure was going to show up inevitably. There are enough writers penning stories about trans topics at this point, with the number ever-increasing, that someone, somewhere was going to write this plot. But it’s possible that the Homestuck Epilogues and Homestuck^2 are a display of why they maybe shouldn’t.

As a way of closing, at the end of the day, post-canon Homestuck is still not explicitly canon no matter how much it sort of is. There is, therefore, nothing anyone can do to stop you or anyone else headcanon-ing Roxy or any other character you like as MtF- I mean, since fanon is not bound by canonicity in the first place, this changes nothing, but the point is I fully support any and all of these endeavours.

And like, their handling is hardly the only character done dirty in the epilogues. I mean, look at Jake (who to be fair is just done dirty by the comic in general), Jane (ditto actually), and arguably even its protagonists like John (who gets literally character assassinated) and Dirk (who literally character assassinates himself) don’t escape unscathed. The whole thing is kind of a mess, frankly.

It’s not all bad. Few pieces of media are entirely devoid of something worth appreciating. Even post-canon Roxy- I really like Meat Roxy’s design, cool shades and trans sneakers and all, and his conversations in Homestuck^2 are definitely some of the funnier ones the comic has. But they do not make up for what is ultimately a frustrating and issue-filled presentation of a trans story that doesn’t stand at all on its own and doesn’t satisfy the fan wish it was likely made to fulfill.

-

I’d like to again thank Coda for his help with this post and making sure this wasn’t yet another example of a dumbass cis talking about things he doesn’t really know about. You can find Coda’s art via his Twitter or Instagram, as @caramelcoda. Very cool dude with good art would recommend.

And, for the sake of honesty (and in case anyone’s curious), I’ve uploaded the entirety of my Q/A with Coda on pastebin here.

I’m also going to plug Funk McLovin’s video essay about Roxy again, because it was pretty helpful. You can find her YouTube channel here and his twitter here. From one Jojo (well, Jo Jo) to another, cheers.

This was a lot of work for me, and I spent a while tossing and turning about whether I should actually do it in the first place. I can only hope that it has been informative, helpful, and/or interesting- either way, thank you for reading.

[radramblog]

Obligatory holidays post

It really is a time of year isn’t it.

The world has a very specific view of what Christmas looks like. It’s a notion carried forward by the majority of the English-speaking, media-producing landscape being dominated by individuals of a certain race and class living in a few specific parts of the world.

I don’t live in any of those parts of the world. The only white thing about Christmas here is the sunscreen you slap on your face and arms if you have to go outside, because it’s beaming down. I suppose both here and in the USA it’s likely to be 40-odd degrees…but there’s a very different definition of what exactly that means between the two places.

Films depict a white Christmas, with snow, with mistletoe, with reindeer, none of which are native to this part of the world. Customs around the holiday are centred around warmth- “chestnuts roasting on an open fire” in a country without chestnuts during a total fire ban so people don’t accidentally ignite half the bushland. Even something like Christmas sweaters- I can tell you from experience, if you wear one, you will be sweating.

But in my particular case, it goes beyond that somewhat. You see, Christmas is always sold as a time to bring family together, and to catch up with relatives, and to have a big feast with a dozen people and a lot of booze and merriment. Slight problem with that- neither of my parents are native to Perth. One’s from the other side of the country, the other is from the other side of the planet. It is more than prohibitively expensive to have a Big Family Christmas, even without the world being in the state that it is right now. I’ve had exactly one Christmas with a significant extended family presence (and even then, Mum wasn’t there), with it usually just being the four of us.

The “traditional Christmas”, therefore, is kind of completely alien to me (and my brother). It has no place in our household.

But we make do, and we make our own traditions.

Back in the day, we used to go to the beach every year with a few other families, making our own extended family Christmas. While that’s not really the done thing anymore, we still have our own things going. We all steadily trickle awake whenever we’re ready (us young-uns now being long beyond harassing the fam in the dead of morning, though I do get up that early again now), opening an excess of presents and having a relaxed breakfast, before stressing to get a million pieces of a gargantuan meal together for an audience of four total. There is no Christmas dinner, rather a late lunch/early dinner (“linner” or “dunch”…neither work very well), and while it’s usually the same list of dishes, they are tried, tested, and appreciated.

And we have the advantage, due to not having a required excess of personage around our table, that we get to invite our own add-ons. I can’t think of many a Christmas that’s gone past without an extra head at the table for the meal- whether it be a colleague of my Dad’s who hasn’t been able to fly back to their family, or a friend in an awkward situation, we’ve more than typically got a seat free.

At the end of the day, fuck whatever anyone else says about Christmas. For our family, at least- it’s not about spending money (though we do a fair bit), it’s not about family (though we spend our time together), and it’s not about jesus (none of us are religious and it’s not his holiday originally anyway). This shit is about giving, to me, and we’ve got spare to give.

I think the idea of a found family Christmas is better than a regular one anyway. Don’t need to have your racist uncle over if you just choose to spend the time with other people.

[radramblog]

a more aussie christmas poem

‘twas the arvo before Christmas, when all through the yard,

I started writing a dumb parody and trying too hard.

‘twas the afternoon before Christmas, and all through the porch,

Creatures hid in the shade to avoid the sun’s scorch.

Stockings gently rested against the stairs,

Crammed full of bullshit with little room to spare.

 The kids would be going for a fair while yet,

Since it’s like 4 hours before the sun will set.

I walked in the door and collapsed in my bed,

As bad post ideas were clouding my head.

 When out on the verge there arose such a clatter,

I rolled over lamely to see what’s the matter.

Limp arms stretching out to adjust the blinds,

Grumbling about how the buggers are designed.

 The sun baking down on the stretches of concrete,

Ripples of hot air coming off of the street.

When, what to my wondering ears should be heard,

But the scrabblings and squawkings of a tiny bird.

 From his colours I could tell he was a willy wagtail,

From his territorial mood I was sure he was male.

Around him a gaggle of intruders were flitting,

Despite the beak I could hear what he was spitting.

  “OI CROWS, OI SHRIKES, OI GALAHS AND DUCKS!

OI BURRAS AND SEAGULLS, ALL OF YOU FUCKS!

GET THE HELL OFF MY PORCH! GET THE HELL OFF MY WALL!

FUCK RIGHT OFF! FUCK OFF! FUCK YOU ALL!”

 The words inherent to his aggressive tweeting,

Left an impression that was at best fleeting,

And as up to the house the other birds flew.

There wasn’t really much the wagtail could do.

 And as I continued to imagine the avian lingo,

I looked up and saw a beak at my window.

I reached over to the curtain, to cut the ibis off,

But the bastard had already torn through the cloth.

 It was dressed all in white, save its head and its foot,

Each of them skin the colour of soot.

It looked at me quizzically down that long beak,

For a moment it seemed neither of us would speak.

 Its eyes were far from what I would call merry,

As it scanned my bedroom for objects dietary,

It hopped around, on the prowl through my stuff

As I stumbled upwards to clean up its fluff.

 I noticed a shift, its attention now rapt,

Fixed on a gift box I’d left half unwrapped.

It started to approach the chocolate delights,

And I knew it wouldn’t leave without a fight.

As I put myself between the bird and its craving,

I remembered the wagtail outside a-raving.

Had only the ibis heeded its warning,

It might not be so sore getting up the next morning.

 With not a word to spare, I flashed it a smirk,

And somehow through the flapping scooped up the jerk.

Hurling it back out the gap whence it came,

I thought I probably looked pretty lame.

 Bedraggled and bed haired, I’d be a sorry sight,

As I finally laid down to sleep an early night.

Closing my eyes, I imagined that wagtail tell,

“GREAT WORK CUNT, SLEEP WELL.”

 I’m going to be honest, that was a lot more work than I thought it would be. It was probably also substantially lamer.

But it was a dumb idea I had, and if this blog has taught me anything (a turn of phrase I’ve probably used for like a dozen different things now), it’s that I am more than willing to commit to dumb ideas.

[radramblog]

Hands on with BDSP (or, more specifically, SP)

Well, I’ve finally played this game. Not all of it, I’m actually only up to gym 2. But enough to get the gist of it, which probably doesn’t bode well for the game as a whole.

Sigh.

BDSP sure is a Pokémon Remake.

I don’t want to be unfair to this game, because at its fundamental baseline it is a fun game. It’s fucking Pokémon, it was always going to be fun. I’m not sure there’s a major console Pokémon game that is actually bad, much as the series' fans and haters alike attempt to decry various parts of it. Like, I think my least favourites are probably…X and Y maybe? But even then I can point out a lot of good in them.

I am, however, left in a fairly frustrating place with Brilliant Diamond/Shining Pearl. It’s a frustrating game, as it happens. Because it spends so much time trying to be a faithful remake, that it seems to miss what made the best remakes what they are.

I’ve seen a lot of what I’d call unhealthy discourse online about how these games don’t seem to know what they’re doing, that they can’t decide whether or not they’re “faithful remakes” or expanding on the formula, and the thing with those arguments is that they’re almost always centred around incredibly minor things. Post-DP moves and abilities being in the game, different item and TM placements, the addition of the Fairy type. And this all strikes me as both incredibly nitpicky and petty, and also completely missing how a Pokémon Remake has worked for the past 17 years- I guarantee you few to none of these people have complained about Firered and Leafgreen having Dark and Steel types, or the Gen III TM roster, or abilities at all.

I think the ideal remakes to shoot for are still Heartgold and Soulsilver. It managed the perfect balance of retaining what made the originals good while tweaking (a lot of) what made them not as great, as well as working to update the design of the gameplay and region with the new gameplay in mind. The additions (save arguably Pokéathlon, but we gotta have a gimmick I guess) all felt natural to the world of Johto, and the awkwardness of Game Boy design restrictions was alleviated with the power of hindsight and updated technology.

Compare Firered and Leafgreen, which changed arguably too little- it updated the mechanics, but if you’ve played the original duo, the only really new things are the Sevii Islands- while the early introduction of One to Three islands helps bridge the Blaine-Giovanni level gap, little is done to address the Erika-Koga/Sabrina gap, and the rest of the Sevii islands are postgame. Contrast Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, which changed too much, but didn’t do so with the original’s balance, pacing, or world in mind- thereby, many additions feel tacked-on or hard kill the tempo of the game (looking at you, Southern Island event), and the new additions of Mega Evolution/Primal Reversion and the Gen 6 EXP Share to a relatively unchanged Hoenn completely break the games, making them probably the easiest the series has ever been.

As for Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl? Well, they definitely lean towards the Firered and Leafgreen end of things. It’s actually kind of astonishing how little has changed, especially when one considers that Diamond and Pearl were definitely not in the upper echelons of Pokémon experiences in retrospect.

And especially when one considers how much of the faults of Diamond and Pearl were fixed via Platinum, and how as far as I can tell none of that game’s refinement has been taken onboard for BDSP.

I will give the game a lot of credit, however, for at least allowing some of its bigger changes to the Diamond/Pearl formula to take effect during its main game. I mean, obviously the Gen 8 experience system is there, people complain about it, blah blah whatever. I mean moreso the addition of on-the-fly box switching (which is much better than in Sword and Shield when one considers that Sinnoh actually has dungeons to make use of it in), of making ball seals way, way earlier, and of paving HMs off for a Gen 7 style “summon friendly helper” obstacle clearing system (though I have a minor issue with the fact that you still get “access” to the move and then still need to get the gym badge to actually use it). I genuinely think all these changes are good! Hell, I’ll even throw my lot in behind single-use TMs, which isn’t something I thought I’d do- because on the one hand, the TM/TR system in Sword and Shield was actually pretty great, but the fact that they can all be reacquired (I assume) means the biggest downside of single-users has been alleviated, provided you’re willing to put in the work. Plus, as someone who’s done more than one Nuzlocke of D/P/Pt in my day, it means a lot to me that you can just buy copies of Thunderbolt and the like in the shopping centre rather than spending literal hours grinding the casino or hundreds of thousands in cash to exchange manually.

And for what it’s worth, I’m really enjoying the new Underground! It was always something I was weirdly into as a kid, just chipping away at walls over and over to find something that wasn’t a Sphere, but now that there’s a bit more to discover in there, it’s actually a lot more interesting. Not to mention the ability to access Pokémon that weren’t normally available in Sinnoh- just about everyone I’ve seen on the Nuzforums discord talking about their runs has come away with something crazy (a lot of Houndooms, I’m noticing), and while I’m sure the options are more limited than my limited experience would suggest, it’s been a blast so far. Spheres aren’t completely dogshit anymore, and I hate to say it, but I do enjoy the statue lootbox things solely for scratching that booster pack itch without actually involving microtransactions.

However, I still find myself deeply frustrated with BDSP as a whole. And it’s not just the lack of refinement or incorporation of work already done to Sinnoh after 15 years of potential hindsight, and it’s not the utterly divisive artstyle (it’s eh. Getting used to it. it looks really good in battle at least). The thing that bothers me the most about BDSP is genuinely how awkward the controls are.

It’s actually super weird? After the brief hiccup that was Gen 6’s semi-grid-based system, it felt like Pokémon had actually managed to pretty cleanly transition fully into 3D, with S/M/US/UM and Sw/Sh feeling smooth as necessary, but this game’s map just feels like a step back. Like care and attention was not paid to the hitboxes, to how things that were in a grid have to adjust to 360 degree movement. I’m sure this is exacerbated by my joycon drift, but I just keep getting hung up on things, not going through doors I’m trying to unless I adjust my trajectory a few degrees, and the like. And while the D-Pad is an option, unlike in the last few games, it for whatever reason is on the 4-directional movement mode, and that is how Gen 4 was obviously, but when other games have let you do at least 8 directions (because, you know, 3D world), going between the two just feels incredibly awkward.

And speaking of awkward, the touch controls just feel so much worse than on the DS. While the Switch has a touchscreen, it’s clearly not built for it, as using it in the handheld mode is awkward as hell and you obviously can’t use it when docked. This makes things like using the Poketch and mining underground supremely uncomfortable, as you’re now having to do these designed-for-touch input things either very carefully while supporting the full weight in your other hand, or use a cursor that doesn’t quite move the way it feels like it should. This might be less of an issue on the Switch Lite, but I (and probably most people) am not playing it on that, so I have to deal with it as is.

I have a fair few other nitpicks- things like the weird moveset choices and certain stiff animations. But at the end of the day, none of that actually matters in the long run, no matter what dorks on Twitter will tell you. At the end of the day, Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl set out to make a modernized and slightly remixed version of Sinnoh, with everything that has ended up entailing. Whether that is worth it depends entirely on how you feel about the original games, honestly, because I’m not sure whether the Gen 4 stans are going to appreciate the love to their favourite generation or whether they’re going to declare it ruined (like I admittedly kinda did with ORAS) and keep replaying the original games forevermore.

Knowing this fandom? There isn’t going to be a clear consensus. A line will be drawn in the sand, and people will cyberbully each other to shreds in the name of their side of it. It’s hard dealing with whining all the time, and I can tell you it certainly isn’t healthy actually doing it, but that hasn’t stopped people yet. So the cycle shall continue.

Boy I can’t wait for Black and White remakes in…probably like 2025 or so. That’s going to be even more divisive, somehow, I’m sure of it.

[radramblog]

self-referential time differential (or, state of the blog dec 2021)

Regrettably, I basically don’t get time to do that many fun topics now that we’re at the end of the year, and the sword of Damocles inches ever closer to taking some amount of my hair off. And also the rest of my head. Clearly I’m not really using it for anything else, at least.

Instead, I have all these Plans, and those Plans require Doing Things, and I’m having a hard time fitting all those Things into my now Limited Schedule. Add in a bit of the old dumb bitch disease and we’ve got a stew brewing for unproductivity.

There are at time of writing 9 days remaining in the year after this one. That’s a huge thought I hadn’t really processed until now, and one that bears discussing in the context of this blog.

Because I’m afraid this has become unsustainable.

I intended to do this on the actual day of January 1st, but I’d kind of prefer that post to be more positive than this is going to have to be. It’s the new year, don’t want to go into in on a low note. Or if I do, at least one that doesn’t involve me typing sad things while being excruciatingly hung-over.

On average, these posts take probably like an hour to write. Some of them take much longer, and a lot of the time I’ve spent sitting in front of a computer staring at a blank word document has left my a little more bitter about this project than it probably deserves. Because whenever I don’t plan topics out, I can’t think of anything, but when I do, they always end up well and truly scope crept out.

Which, for the record, is true of like every other post I’m probably making this year. Aside from maybe whatever I do on Christmas/Boxing Day…but the post ideas for the next couple days might jut into those. Oops. And I have been basically completely unable to find a happy medium between these two extremes, which is saying something, because I’ve been doing this for like 350 posts.

That’s a lot.

This blog was very much originally started, among other reasons, as a way of proving I could dedicate myself to something even without any real obligation from outward pressures. I figured if I could do this, then there was all sorts of other things I could manage to do. However, I’m afraid to say this has come at quite the cost- I, uh, basically haven’t done a lot of those other things.

This wasn’t too bad when I was running this alongside the end of my Masters degree, funnily enough, because I actually had a surprising amount of free time during this. While I’m not sure there’s a direct link you can draw, I think the discipline from this might have actually helped in those studies. And when I was between things, I had all the time in the world. But now that I have a full time job, I’m afraid to say that this cuts into more of my very limited free time than I’m comfortable with.

And even before that time was heavily restricted, I still feel like I lost a lot more time than I should have. Like, I was thinking of doing an “anime of the year” post, but as it turns out I don’t think I finished a single anime that came out this year, and barely started any either. I basically put zero effort into my ever-expanding watchlist, limited things came off of my to-play list, and my tunes this year have felt a little stagnant despite literally talking about music every week.

I suppose it was kind of telling when I found myself running out of opinions on new things I’d seen because I hadn’t seen enough new things, I guess. I’m not going to act like all the time I spent writing would otherwise have been productive, because it absolutely would not have been, but as it turns out, even without external pressure on me writing this stuff, I managed to generate enough internal pressure well enough.

Despite the tone of this post, I would not consider this a shuttering of the door on this project as a whole. For one thing, I obviously have the rest of the year to work through- I started this on New Years and by fuck I’m going to get it all the way through- but even into next year, I still have some things I’m going to want to talk about. My lack of artistic talents outside of the written word and lack of ability to focus on developing them means that this is kind of my main creative outlet, and so I do intend to continue into 2022.

Of course, if I’m not forcing myself to do it consistently, there’s a very solid chance that I’ll stop altogether after a variably sped decline. Which would be a bit sad, but it is inevitable. There is no chance of me doing this for the rest of my fucking life! At that point, I’d want to start getting paid for it, because I guarantee you I’ve written more words in a year than a lot of professional authors do.

So in closing- the game is not yet over, the curtains are not yet drawn. Daily posts have been a part of my life for three hundred and fifty six days, and while that can’t go on forever, I’m happy to keep it going for the final push- after which I will find a new schedule to ease myself into. It’s been a very big year for me in general- certainly moreso than last year- and having this monument to my dedication and effort is something that I think displays that. Stay tuned for my end-of-year ramblings among other things that I’ve been “meaning to get to” for literal months and months on end.

[radramblog]

Album Discussion- Spirit Phone

The year is drawing to a close, and with it, my list of music what to talk about looks bigger every passing day. And things to talk about in general, actually, especially considering I kind of want to do “year-end” things too.

Looking at the list of albums, though, one kind of stands out as one I Should Discuss, if I had to pick one. Well, two, but it’s not really the time for Stage Four, I think. Thus, we finally come around to Spirit Phone.

Back when I did that (kind of half-assed?) post on “internet-core” music, the work of Lemon Demon (a.k.a. Neil Cicierega) was much of what I had in mind, with Spirit Phone being the core of that. It’s not the most popular work produced under the name, but only because The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny was huge in its era, as was Brodyquest, but this 2016 album seems to be the most enduring as a whole work rather than any individual songs.

That’s to say, this is probably the best Lemon Demon album as an album, whereas those others were meme-popular. Not that bits of this haven’t been meme-popular…but…anyway.

Sonically, how would you describe Spirit Phone? I think the best word for a lot of it is frantic- there’s a lot of energy to every track, even the slower and subtler ones, and this is often exaggerated by the weirdness of much of the lyricism. Thematically, the album is mostly a very Halloween-ish silly/spooky mix of nostalgia, horror, oddity, and absurdity, although a few tracks in the latter end lean more towards…a statement on modern capitalism and its stresses? We’ll get to it, but there’s a whole other thing going on there that is a little oddly placed.

Genre-wise, uh, what does Wikipedia say, synth-pop? Synth-punk? What does RYM say? Indietronica? Wait, why the fuck would I ever go to that website, ew.

Spirit Phone opens with the electronic buildup of Lifetime Achievement Award, that always reminds me of Mr. Roboto, but fortunately, the rest of the song isn’t doing as much of that. It takes a surprising while for this track to fill out, until the chorus really, as much of the verses is pretty light and high in register, little synth needlings and falsetto, also spectral “woooooooooohhhhs” because why not. Honestly, the chorus is the best part of the track in my opinion, the way the whole thing dives into this intense, buzzing rush of lyrics as the tempo picks up.

It would be remiss of me not to address these tracks lyrically, since that’s a lot of the fun in this album. Lifetime Achievement Award is very much themed around reviving a second-person-perspective celebrity from the grave for one final tour, particularly with the long outro directly quoting the intro to the Thriller music video. While this themes well with the rest of the album’s #spookyshit, it’s also kind of self-referential- this is, after all, the first song in an album after an eight-year gap (not including the two EPs and Brodyquest as a single), not to mention this was about when Neil started doing music stuff under his own name, and so the musician being revived very much could be Lemon Demon as a persona itself. It very much could be the One Last Tour, considering there hasn’t been anything under the name since either.

Moving on to Touch-Tone Telephone, and the thing I have yet to address is that many, many of the songs on this album can only be accurately described as fucking BOPS. And this is one of them. Touch-Tone Telephone is a bouncy, sassy piece laden with call-and-response lines and possibly the best vocal delivery on the entire album. And it also has those fucking strings, which fill out the song so completely and add this richness that elevates the whole thing so much. The track is a conspiracy theorist’s romance, and the quirky nature of the instrumentation suits it perfectly. Touch-Tone Telephone is kind of just a top-tier track, and one listening to completely independently of the album if you have the chance. I bought the CD (and paid a lot of shipping) pretty much exclusively on this track’s back, if that’s any help.

Cabinet Man is not letting down on the energy, though it’s a bit more tragic- the fall of the arcade, but from the perspective of somebody who turned into a cabinet, apparently. The edgier bass during the chorus does a lot to convey that tone, since the “doot doot do-do-do doot” riff probably isn’t doing much for that, but I suppose this isn’t supposed to quite be a dirge, is it. Wouldn’t do to have an arcade song not be fun. The punchy percussion in the pre/chorus and vocals are carrying that. I dunno, it’s a pretty solid song.

I regret to inform the experienced listener that I can never remember No Eyed Girl. Genius explains the lyrics, at least, but I don’t really want to just flat-out repeat what it has to say- it’s at least pretty obviously a romance regarding something definitively extraterrestrial or at least supernatural. To be honest, this one doesn’t do particularly much for me- I like the piano, but the rest of the instrumental doesn’t really stand out to me, nor do the vocals. Not a huge fan of a lot of the low effects, and the outro kind of drags.

When He Died, on the other hand, gets an A from me solely based on lyrics. Just this continuing, increasingly ridiculous list of Weird Things that happened after Some Guy dies, its pure comedy. Fittingly, the instrumentation is itself a very slow build towards a fake-out at the end of the fourth verse, which just makes the outro all the more satisfying. It’s not massive, or anything, but it’s a culmination of all that came before it, as any good climax should be. I’m a fan of this one!

Just going to get this one out of the way, yes I know how weird Sweet Bod sounds, it’s about a really old supposed panacea made from a body mummified in honey. You know, normal things. As much as the chorus insists that the interest isn’t sexual, rather strictly medicinal/confectional, my guy is definitely horny for that sugary stiff. I do like all the wild playing around with the synth rhythms in this track, like it just keeps doing different things and having a good time doing it. Beyond that, I do find the track to be one of the more forgettable ones, though I get the feeling that I might end up the bod if I keep saying that about songs on this album. One thing I do know about this album is that people go real hard for it.

this is the only one with a music video as far as i can see...and it predates the album by SEVEN YEARS, so.

(at least, an official music video. A few fan ones exist.)

Eighth Wonder I believe is the first of these I definitively had no idea what was going on with the lyrics without looking it up. Like, I know the singer is introducing themselves as the eighth wonder of the world, but what are they? “And I have hands, And I have feet” isn’t exactly a useful start. It’s apparently about…a talking mongoose from the 30s? I mean, that’s obscure enough for this, sure. There’s some very nice strings and guitar on this track, gonna be honest, that’s usually what I’m paying attention to over the lyrics on this song.

Ancient Aliens (yes it’s all true!) is most memorable as having that impactful, punchy synth hit that was used in the video that advertised the CD coming out. At least, that’s how I remember it, that was cool to see for me, and I hadn’t heard the song yet at that point. And to be fair, it’s kind of the best bit of the song, in my opinion. Although, the lyrics are surprisingly emotional for what is the perspective of a caveman looking confused at the titular spacey boys. Still, though, that sting. Hooh boy.

Moving forwards onto Soft Fuzzy Man, who is apparently so soft and fuzzy because my man is an actual cloud. Now, when writing this, I had to take a break to go do laundry, and I came back and played the song again, and came back to around 0:55? And boy howdy does that sound unpleasant out of context. I kinda get that this is poking fun at that kinda guy, but I feel like my ears deserve better than this abuse. I’m sorry, this experience has made me realise I don’t really like this song, vocals are pretty good (not sure about that really low bit tho), but instrumental aint it chief.

Track 10, As Your Father I Expressly Forbid it, begins a turn towards the more neurotic, grounded side of the album, where that energy that was mysterious and jumpy instead shifts ever-so-slightly towards nervous and paranoid. This is a place the album will spend a little bit in, and has the potential to be expanded- I’ll get to that, as I often say, later. The bridge in this track is probably one of the rock-ier bits of the whole thing, even as it goes into a stumbling, hesitant breakdown. I think this song is overall fairly solid, but the repetitive nature of the chorus does tend to grate a bit.

I Earn My Life, I’m fairly certain, is supposed to be about the same character, but now he’s not yelling at his as kids and is moreso getting lost and depressed in the doldrums of working life. Boy I hate that this is getting more relatable by the day. This is kind of unique for the album, as it’s relatively very low-key, aside from the instrumental after the chorus, a piccolo-led number that’s kind of the only spark of non-depression the track has. It may just be juxtaposition, but it’s a real downer in lyrics and in sound, that post-chorus sounding bitterly ironic. Which of course, makes it stands out a lot, and makes a hell of an impact so late into the record.

The last song on this track that I can remember blow-by-blow is track 12, Reaganomics. The best thing to ever come out of Ronald Reagan, this twisted parody is pretty much just a jam, relatively low-tempo but funky, poking fun of Reagan while twisting his words to make them even more nonsensical than they already were. On the one hand, as someone who would consider himself fairly socialist-leaning, this is hilarious, however, it does require confronting how starkly different this track is to the man himself. That is to say, this track’s depiction of Reagan and the ex-President himself are polar opposites, and the Lemon Demon iteration is idyllic in its indubitable individuality.

Anyway, that closes this section of the album, as we move onto more Weird Shit- it’s Man-Made Object. The synths in this remind me of some very late-00s flash/indie game stylings, glittery and fuzzy in equal turns. Actually, yeah, hang on, is this just deadass using some of those old midis? Some of the notes in the bridge definitely sound like it is. While this may not be the actual theme of the song, I very much appreciate these very nostalgic sounds of this track. Also, the piano in the outro is great. I dunno. Good?

Finally (kinda), we have Spiral of Ants, the 14th song of the album, a looping closer about herd mentality (and thereby possibly the fourth part to that “modern life bad” thing the album was doing) that does the Nonagon Infinity thing in that the outro loops into the intro of Lifetime Achievement Award- but the flow isn’t as perfect as that album, so I didn’t notice until it was pointed out to me. Honestly, I just really like the instrumental on this- it’s got great bass, and the jilted jaunting of the verses contrasts well against the swell of the chorus. The fact the song ends on that chorus, itself building on itself as the vocals get bigger and more strained, is just a great way to end the album as a whole. This song is actually just kind of great, one I tend to forget about since it’s right at the end, but nah, very good actually.

Now, there are in fact a full 13 more songs here. Because this is kind of a double album, but the entire second disc is bonus tracks and demos. I do not have the time to run through that whole deal, but I will highlight some things. So, really quick:

>I love the refrain stuff going on with Crisis Actors, and I don’t just mean those great “oh no, oh no”s. Shoutout to that person who made the “every Lemon Demon Oh No” video on youtube, which is like 50% this song (and Lifetime Achievement Award)…and somehow, that’s less than I thought it’d be. Oh also the bridge fucks.

>Redesign Your Logo is the best imitation of text-to-speech I’ve heard, and it’s also a great soul-sucking corporate jam. It’s taking the infamous Pepsi logo redesign to the most absurd level possible, and I love it for that.

Expanding on this- Redesign Your Logo is where I think the secondary themes of the album could have continued- we have the ways in which the machine crushes you and drives you mad, and here we have the actual, spiritually dead, confusing and self-important manufacturing machine itself. For what its worth, I think the unreleased song, One Weird Tip, also fits into this theme (as does Angry People, kinda, and I want to bring that up because I think that song is really cool.

>Pizza Heroes is 90 seconds of pure energy, which I guess makes it a perfect advertisement for a shop that doesn’t exist.

>You’re at the Party is actually one of my favourite songs on this entire package, and I’m shocked that it’s not part of the first disc. It’s pretty silly, but what isn’t on this one? It goes on turns, man.

>Angelfire is the most Homestuck song I’ve ever heard outside of the comic’s own albums themselves (possibly even including Undertale and the like) and I absolutely mean that as a compliment.

And that’s all I’m going to talk about with regards to this album, duology, thing. I’m not going to act like Spirit Phone is a perfect album, but I do think it is a perfectly successful one- in that, it manages to complete everything it sets out to do, with the exception of not putting You’re at the Party on the album. But that’s just me being biased. I think this album is kind of the perfect encapsulation of some things- the particular nostalgia and fascination for the obscure and supernatural held by a certain part of internet culture that was in vogue for a while- and never really went away. I think it’s internet music at its most iconic, and another example of how Neil Cicerega basically doesn’t ever miss. My guy is batting 1000.

[radramblog]

mtg holiday card evaluations

We now come to the Christmas Magic Post I actually had in mind from a while ago. And that is a discussion of all the “Happy Holidays” cards Magic has put out over the years.

For the unaware, every year since 2006, WoTC has designed a silver-bordered holiday-themed card to get sent out to LGS-es within their network (at least, I think that’s how they’re distributed) as a thank you and all that. Due to their exclusivity, they’re pretty rare, but in my opinion, if you’re talking about silver-border in actual gameplay, proxies are just as fair game, so they’re worth discussing for casual formats.

Which is what I’m doing. I’m an avid fan of Cube and Commander, which are the two most likely places they’re going to show up. And enough of them are worth discussing that, like, why not the rest of them? Who wants an incomplete list.

Anyway.

(Note: Tumblr on my shitty old laptop is refusing to let me upload this with images attached, just infinite loading on me which is really fun let me tell you. So if you’d like to follow along, you can find all the cards being discussed here. Sorry for the inconvenience, blame Yahoo/Tumblr.)

2006: Fruitcake Elemental

A 3-mana 7/7? Flamewreathed Faceless eat your heart out. This guy reads a lot like one of Black’s many Demons with Downsides, except Green, and like 4 mana cheaper. Those cards aren’t typically extremely playable, but there’s some stuff going on here.

You’d have to be a pretty hyper-aggressive deck to want this in a Cube, and Green Aggro just isn’t as common as it used to be. Indestructible means it’s a bit more likely to make it back to you, but your opponent having a Path (or even a bounce spell) means it’s a real risk of just being 3 mana deal 7 to yourself. Which isn’t exactly great.

As for commander, I do tend to love these kinds of hot potato cards. Assault Suit is on record as being My Shit, and I have played Karona once or twice. With that in mind, the lack of restriction on this not hitting yourself is awkward, and it’s probably unlikely that this actually triggers the 7 damage particularly often, but wasting a bunch of your opponents’ mana for 6 of your own seems alright…though maybe you might end up being the one paying half that mana.

Also hang on this could just be black border what’s going on here

 2007: Gifts Given

This card is arguably why I made this whole article in the first place. I have played a cube with this card, and it is fucking insane.

Gifts Ungiven is obviously an incredibly powerful card. Modal as hell, combo potential, value for days. While Gifts Given loses out on some of that combo potential, it makes up for it by being able to just take your opponent’s win conditions. If you’re casting this against a control deck in cube, you might just be able to hate every single wincon out of their deck in one fell swoop, and draw two spells doing it.

I’m not convinced it gets worse in EDH, either. Like, not win-the-game-on-the-spot good, but Gifts Ungiven is banned for a reason, and decks are often pretty redundant when they’re 100-card singleton. I would consider maybe banning this one also, frankly. It’s an incredible beating for the low low cost of four mana.

 2008: Evil Presents

I am a little less high on this one. Mostly because I have no idea how it’s supposed to work. Attacking yourself is something that very explicitly does not work in black-bordered Magic, and I’m not sure silver-bordered has rules for it. I mean, it’s probably fine, but there’ll be some edge cases around.

As it is, this is kind of like a Black version of a green/red cheat-into-play effect, with the downside of not getting the ETB or passive effects from those cards. That sounds bad, until you consider that a lot of those big reanimator/cheat-in targets don’t really care about that- sure, you really don’t want to put Griselbrand in with this, but Progenitus is going to be almost as good as if you put it in yourself. Provided they don’t have a sac effect.

In cube, if you’re playing a cheat-in deck, this could be fun depending what payoffs you’re running. In commander, this is basically a free card for Blin decks or similar, so it’s pretty niche, but you could do worse.

 2009: Season’s Beatings

RRRR is a beating for the curve, unless you are in actual factual mono-red. And the RNGsus factor on this means its prooobably not worth it. I don’t know that you’ve ever seen Alpha Brawl cast, but while this looks like a half-off version of that, it has just as much a chance of doing stone nothing.

It’s just so situational. Are you a non-aggressive mono-red deck that is playing against a deck with a bunch of creatures? If so, sure, go right ahead. But also, what is going on in that scenario.

 2010: Snow Mercy

I love the ability on this so much, it’s just such a cute representation of that effect. As it is, this is basically a worse No Mercy, but in White- it does work on indestructible things, sure, but you’re only going to get one person’s board at once realistically.

With that said, White has more options for self-protection in general than Black does, but it also has more ways to synergize with an enchantment. Cube doesn’t want this (maaaaybe in a lower-power thing with a snow theme?), but I can see this fit into a white deck or two. If nothing else, it’s a pretty effective deterrent- nobody wants their guys stuck in the snowglobe.

 2011: Yule Ooze

The food cost on this should be nil. If you’re running a holiday cube draft or Commander night, what the hell are you doing not having snacks around? With that in mind, this is basically dogshit in cube anyway, given its proficiency for eating your own stuff- it gets big, sure, but it’s a 4 mana 1/1 that has a high chance of eating one of your things and then a removal spell.

In multiplayer, though, that gets a lot more interesting, since the odds of self-sacrifice become ¼ instead of ½ on average. And you can build around it. It kind of reminds me of that bunker card from Unstable (Crowded Bunker) in that it’s just uncontrolled destruction of (probably) your opponents’ things- except this one can possibly synergize better with a Gruul deck.

 2012: Naughty // Nice

It only just occurred to me that this doesn’t have Fuse. Shame. I mean, I don’t think you’re ever playing Nice outside of niche political cases (e.g. hey we both want to wipe the board so here’s one of mine)…though I really want to see the deck that uses that to tutor X into someone else’s hand.

Naughty is. Basically just Praetor’s Grasp. So if you want another one of that, here you go.

 2013: Stocking Tiger

This card is very weak, but also incredibly fun. Lore Seeker, Summon the Pack, and Booster Tutor are all incredibly sweet, and this is kind of like a higher risk, much higher reward version of that. It draws 15 cards! I don’t know how the hell you get this through in Cube, but I guarantee you you’ll find a way to sneak this in in EDH. If you offer someone the option to draw 15 cards, they will take it, basically no matter how hard the condition is. No matter how medium the cards are.

And that’s just assuming it’s a regular booster pack, not a Cube pack. This is undeniably a storytime card, and we love those.

 2014: Mishra’s Toy Workshop

Yeah, sure, okay. Depending on the definition of “toy”, you might find some difficulty getting this card’s downside to work, but. Mishra’s Workshop is one of the most fuckbusted cards in the game, and while Artifact is a much easier casting requirement than “makes a token”, the latter is still very, very broad and it’s going to enable a lot more than you think in 2021 Magic.

I wouldn’t play this in cube. Not because I don’t think it’d be good- a quick look at my own one reveals that this hits something like a fifth of the whole thing- but because I think it could be too good. And the Vintage power level that this would be more appropriate in probably doesn’t have as many token makers to make the card playable. Commander it’s obviously nuts, and I was going to say “ah but workshop is banned in EDH so it’s fine” except it isn’t as it turns out, so.

 2015: Goblin Sleigh Ride

On the one hand, this is a dexterity card that doesn’t have anything preventing your opponents with messing with their board, and it really requires some dexterity to work. On the other hand, it’s another card for Mannichi EDH, and that deck absolutely needs the help, so….sure?

 2016: Thopter Pie Network

Much like with Yule Ooze, I don’t expect to have much trouble triggering this. Unfortunately, it isn’t very good. Thopter Spy Network is a fun card (and very solid in Origins draft), this is missing the crucial card draw trigger that makes it more than just a 1/1 every turn for 4 mana. Which isn’t typically good enough for anything.

 2017: Some Disassembly Required

I’m pretty unsure as to how this is Holiday themed, save the snowman in the art. Is that supposed to be evil Frosty? We don’t even get snow in the holidays down here.

It’s probably not quite good enough for cubes, although with a heavy aristocrats theme, having a 1 mana sac outlet might just be good enough- considering while it costs mana to activate and isn’t a creature for other synergies, it also doesn’t die to removal and can do some weird things. And gain you life if it’s the right time of year. With that said, Keyword Soup.edh probably really likes this- Kathril comes to mind, mostly, seeing as the other commanders in that nature aren’t Black. I mean, I guess partner Akroma + ____, but.

 2018: Bog Humbugs

 This isn’t doing anything in Commander aside from giving Insect tribal another hit (and, nice), but in cube this is basically just a 2-mana black slith variant. But it has flying, and you usually have to pay extra for that on one of these. It can take over the game, provided it’s given the chance to- if you draw this later on when your opponent has an actual flier/reach creature, you’re in suffering, but on turn 2, it’s potentially a house.

It’s not an effect we really get in Cube these days either. The closest equivalent I can think of is Drana, Liberator of Malakir- but that hits your whole goddamn board. This is cheaper, but weaker, but supports some of the same strategies, so maybe look into it if you like her.

 2019: Decorated Knight

What are the rulings on the new deck’s legality? How does that work? Don’t care, this card fucks. It’s really funny, and I trust people not to just go get their vintage deck out of the closet for it. Even if they do, the Knight draws from your original deck and your hand doesn’t get exchanged, so you’re probably not instantly comboing off. Is this ever good? I mean, kind of depends on your preparation, and on how you rule the thing actually works. Is it fun? Undoubtedly, and that’s why we’re here. I’d play this in Cube, fuck it, why not.

 2020: Topdeck the Halls

This card makes me mad, because it’s a legitimately super cool Boros card that is also a non-combat damage wincon for the pair, that…isn’t legal in anything. Well, if you’re as into fancy versions of dumb cards as I am, then this is probably going to work pretty okay- the miracle being Snow does bite a little bit, though.

To be clear, that doesn’t say nonland. And these cards are always foils, so this counts for one of them. It’s actually not hard to trigger this in EDH if you build your deck around it- Cube it’s probably dogshit (5 mana do nothing oops), but god I want to cast this thing so bad. How much are foil Snow lands?

(as it turns out, the Kaldheim ones are not much!)

 2021- Last-Minute Chopping

Finally, this year’s entry into this…Hallowed…Pantheon? Funnily enough, assuming we don’t let people lie (or be an ass in other ways) about whether they got you a gift or not, this card gets worse the more tight-knit your playgroup is, since you really don’t want them saying yes to this. If they do, then you basically get the worst card out of their sideboard in Cube, or like a basic in EDH. You aren’t even going to be able to play the card they give you half the time.

With that said, this card is actually very good outside of a holiday-y context, seeing as the no version is just a 3-mana steal anything. That’s very strong. So maybe this is one that goes in a general silver-bordered section and not your holiday section. Just…maybe make sure to take it out before you do a birthday cube draft, that’s a nonbo right there.

This is also probably my favourite art/flavour out of any of these. Gisa/Geralf are a lot of fun, and this is totally in character for them.

 That’s them all, folks. A few more duds than I remembered, but enough interesting stuff that it might be worth considering. By the looks of things, these are here to stay- but they’re all expensive enough that they probably are not worth actually buying. I mean, the only one I’ve seen in person is Gifts Given, and that card is currently sitting at a cool four hundred dollarydoos. In Anton’s defense, it was like a quarter of that at the time. But it made me think about how the others could be run, and most of them have something that can be done with them.

[radramblog]

Third men of Spiders

So a new Third Spider Man Movie has released.

Haven’t seen it. Don’t know if I will. Already got low-key spoiled by fucking google, so you know, annoyed about that one.

So fuck it, we’re looking at the other one. Because I just watched that instead, because it’s a good movie.

…no. No it isn’t.

Spider-Man 3 (2007) is a huge goddamn mess of a movie. It combines half-baked plotlines that go nowhere and didn’t have much of a start with ones that have been set up for literally over two movies, and the mesh is not particularly effective. There is simply way too much going on in this film, and there’s no room for any of it to actually breathe.

This could have been avoided.

The film has some strong hooks. There were a fair few scenes in the first two movies developing Harry Osborn as an antagonist for the franchise, and that is finally paid off in this one. Good! It’s great that we finally get to see all that effort get to work itself out. It’s not exactly subtle, but nothing about these films is subtle, so.

Shame the movie wastes that in the first few moments, where after one fight scene between Harry as New Goblin and the Spidery fella himself and boom, amnesia, fuck your plot development. And then that gets reversed partway through, and he gets an extremely abbreviated arc. We had to make room for other things.

And Sandman. We have a sympathetic anti-villain that directly ties back into Peter’s arc and backstory, one that can help finalise the three-movie long string his character has been following, and one that is kind of an arc the character needed to go through. Works well with the theme of forgiveness that also ties into everything with Harry. Sounds great, love it. But they give him basically no time to develop and so he has to have his entire goshdarn plot at the very beginning and the very end of the film. Aside from a random fight scene, because we have to remind everyone he exists.

Which leaves us with the conflicting plot tumours of the ongoing and quite cringe romance between Peter and MJ, and everything to do with Eddie/Venom. Also, Gwen Stacy is here. It’s a lot of unnecessary bullshit that gives the movie the extra-cringe reputation it has earned over the years. It feels like the movie is spinning wheels, wasting time- and to be fair, it kind of is.

Apocryphally, Venom and Gwen’s inclusion was mandated by the studio. Not exactly the original vision of the director. Considering the actual setup involved with the other plotlines, I’d believe that. The movie would obviously not be perfect without them, but it’d be better. Cramming so many characters into one film isn’t something that had really been managed yet successfully- I mean, Marvel eventually proved it was possible, vis a vis the Avengers, but it wasn’t done in a way where every single character is trying to have as much stuff going on all at different times. Those plotlines were, largely speaking, all intertwined to begin with, so it’s easier to keep it all running at once.

I think on the rewatch, the biggest disappointment I had going into the movie- not the worst thing, seeing as obviously all the edgy Peter stuff was somehow worse than I had remembered- was that they killed Harry off. Sure, his martyrdom is a form of closure, and it does resolve the…ugh, love triangle. But it does so in the most shitty, cliché way possible, and it wastes the potential of having him around for future movies. The character has finally had somewhat of a redemption, he’s defied the cycle of revenge, leading Peter the choice to do the same for Sandman. Not to mention, the team-up moments between the two are probably the best moments in the whole film. But nah, fuck it, can’t have him around for the sequel we’re making, that would be fun.

Spider-Man 3 is very much a movie of missed potential, I feel. There are real genuine elements of good in the film, like in many others. But its another case of good old studio meddling, I guess…although I suppose what we had to aspire to was another Spider-Man 2. Which is a fine movie, but…eh…

[radramblog]

A very Christmas Commander Deck

This might be the dumbest commander deck I’ve ever designed, and that’s saying a lot. I didn’t think that hard about it, but the idea has been rattling around in my head for a while.

Klothys, God of Destiny may be one of the only characters in Magic- certainly among the Gods- that manages to have that holiday spirit twenty four slash seven. Not only is she quite literally always decked out in the red and green, but as a being of Nyx, she sparkles like fairy lights in the night sky, even when we’re long after the point where keeping lights up for the Theran equivalent of Christmas is well and truly tacky.

So I built a commander deck around it, and I’m going to tell its story.

(Full decklist here, but maybe read the thing first?)

Klothys may be the God of Destiny, but for a certain time of year, she also happens to be the God of Generosity, Festivities, and Family Gatherings. This may not be actual canon, but it doesn’t matter, because we’re making it up as we go along here.

This year, like many years, she’s invited a large group of friends and their families along to join her for her annual celebrations. Since the Theran gods are, well, not usually on good terms, but she still wants to be able to host for a lovely group of well-meaning individuals, she’s decided to ask along a group of Planeswalkers who’d be willing to join an old goddess in commemorating the season.

She’s got the food in the oven, the tree is up, and the lights are on (because they’re part of her), but most importantly, she’s decorated with a set of lovely baubles collected and acquired from a variety of sellers. Powerful, magical baubles of course- what host of a gathering of mages doesn’t provide adequate mana for their guests? It might be an unusual method- most of her particular flavour would look to expansive lands for such an occasion, but with all the souls of the dead running around, there just isn’t as much room as there used to be in Nyx.

A knock upon the door, and her guests start to arrive. She welcomes them, gives them those silly paper hats, invites them next to the fire, and the house begins to fill with the sounds of conversation and merriment.

A problem has begun to arise, though. It would appear that in her invitation, some words may have been twisted, or misinterpreted, as while she insisted she’d have plenty of mana to spare (and even bought some new gems to provide extra!), most of her typically superb friends have brought some of their own. A shocking number, actually. She expected as much from Jaya, and Wrenn, and Xenagos (the satyr having been invited under strict warning not to try to usurp her again, but the bloke just loves a party), but Chandra? She’d have to keep an eye on her, make sure the fireplace doesn’t expand out of the living room again.

At the very least, the plus-ones she permitted to come along have varied on what they’ve brought along. It would seem that Chandra and Koth’s dates both didn’t get the incorrect memo, but their additions to the feast and the décor are well and truly welcome. Chandra’s…sisters (look I didn’t know how else to flavour that) seemed to not have much to contribute to the party, but Klothys wasn’t planning on turning family away at the door. That would be unbecoming of her.

Klothys had plenty of ideas for gifts to bring. While her idea for Secret Siona was rejected early (mostly on account of nobody knowing who that was or what she had to do with anything), that wasn’t able to stifle her creative vision. She was more than familiar with the ins and outs of gift-giving, between buying new things, finding pre-loved goods, or making something completely new that means more because of the effort.

Apparently, though, her guests did not have such creativity. In fact, most of the gifts they brought were pretty selfish. It’s like the terrible stereotype of getting your wife something kitchen-related- like, this is nice, but it implies a particular axis or facet of the relationship is the most important one and that they want more of it, despite that thing being something one-sided. The gifts Klothys received were, nice (how exactly Arlinn found the Chain Veil isn’t something she really wanted to know), it was very much a “hey these make it better when we’re around!” sort of thing, and that’s not exactly what she was looking for. They were gifts for her, sure, but a lot of them were more like gifts for them.

Unfortunately, things didn’t get better from there. Arlinn’s wet dog smell permeated the house, and Domri clearly hadn’t bathed in weeks. Freyalise had a problem with the “limited vegetarian options”, Wrenn had a problem with the “limited non-vegetarian options”. Jaya said some slurs, and she’s old, we get it, but that’s not an excuse. Of the two puddings, well, Chandra burned one of them too much and Xenagos soaked well and truly too much alcohol into the other one.

Arguments started to break out, and people started yelling, and it just got more and more heated (literally, since Chandra was around), and eventually, Klothys realised she wasn’t having any fun.

And the thing about Klothys’s Christmas Gatherings is that when she’s not having any fun, nobody gets to have any fun.

(To step back a bit, this is a deck idea I had for a while. One I have no intent of ever building or playing, because it sounds completely miserable, but it’d also be quite funny once or twice. Tying it to Christmas was a result of a spiralling thought chain involving Klothys’s clear festive spirit and tossing up between some ideas for #christmas posts. But mostly, it was because I remembered the song It’s Not Christmas ‘til Somebody Cries by Carly Rae Jepsen, one of the only two Christmas songs that I actually like, because it’s a bop. Not my usual thing, but somebody shared it in Discord last year and I ended up really liking it. The deck is named after it.

For the record, the other one is Last Christmas. I’m a sucker for George Michael.)

After the party, it was pretty clear the house was in a complete mess. Hangovers across the board, a huge pile of dishes, and Klothys was pretty sure that she’s hit the neighbours with some of the action. It happens, you know. Fortunately, she had prepared for this. It happens, you know.

“Holiday Insurance” isn’t really a thing, but Klothys has her own form. Her things were magically protected from drunken messes, and in the cases where they weren’t she’d be able to rebuild. Absolute worst case, Titania was always a friend in these circumstances- she knew the type. She couldn’t speak for those houses around hers, but at the very least, she’d be protected whenever Christmas ended up getting Ruined Inevitably.

There was still a mess to clean up, though. Can’t magically protect the rubbish, or the food scraps.

Two options- either just get rid of all of it, or feed it to her various, very hungry pets. Turns out, you can get some things that eat anything these days. And really, that’s just killing two birds with one stone- er, solving two problems with one giant pile of trash. Or the leftover mana. Turns out, it was good for something!

And so would end another chaotic festive season in the house of Klothys, God of Destiny. One could say this sort of repeated cycle of Christmas is fated to happen, but Klothys doesn’t like puns, so that’s going to get you a bonk on the noggin. For two damage. And also everyone else gets hit.

[radramblog]

Some (spoiler-free) thoughts on Dune

When I heard about the Dune movie coming out, I had some thoughts. Mostly, “oh isn’t that an old classic sci-fi thing? There’s a bunch of references to that out there, right?”, and things along that line. I’ve never read the book, nor seen the old movie, nor the miniseries, nor any of the games, or…you get the idea.

Regardless, the trailer looked heat and it had Denis Villeneuve attached, so I was pretty excited to see it. And I did! And I have a lot of thoughts. However, seeing as I went in almost completely unspoiled, and very much recommend that experience, so I’m going to avoid talking about things that are Plot Related. It’s okay, there’s enough there without it, trust me.

So, first of all. If you can see this one in cinemas, probably do that. This film has absolutely no shortage of spectacle, both in the visual and audio senses, and watching it on a computer screen or something just isn’t going to do all the loving detail justice. Everything in this film looks and sounds incredible, from the costuming to the worlds to the series’ famous sandworms, it is all presented with a unique sense of style and flourish that I don’t really have many points of comparison to.

In addition, the movie is paced very deliberately. And by that, I mean slowly. The establishing shots are long and dramatic, and time is taken even during action scenes to allow the events to truly wash over you as they occur. This might sound possibly boring, but the cinematography is interesting enough and the storyline engaging enough that I found myself pretty much riveted all the way through.

These two in combination with the writing give the world of this film a feeling of history that a lot of franchises struggle to capture. Making a world feel lived-in isn’t as high a bar to clear as it used to be, but Dune’s universe feels positively ancient. Everything is caked in ritual and ceremony, with the details being either thoroughly fleshed out or easy to imagine how they were arrived at. There’s a mix of tradition and speculation, of fantasy and science fiction, of politics and war and personal struggles and comfort.

I think it says a lot when a scene manages to have both high-tech spacecraft and explosive weaponry alongside armies clashing with swords, and have it not feel out of place or, well, as silly as that sounds on paper.

I think the most common criticism of this movie is that it is clearly part one of a duology. While this is absolutely true- the film’s title as shown is Dune: Part One, with Part Two releasing in 2023, but the marketing doesn’t show it as such. If I had to guess, they would have figured people would get scared off by the prospect of a new Big Franchise at this point, and wanted to film to appear standalone to #generalaudiences. Personally, I think that’s a coward’s move, because the film itself is very much a huge setup for a wider story. A part one to a saga, kind of like The Fellowship of the Ring- the kind of introduction you do when you know you’re getting the sequel. Which they technically didn’t until the thing launched.

The result of this is that the major story arcs are kind of left halfway through. Loose ends are many, and the Main Plot feels like it’s somewhere around the end of the first act or the start of the second. Despite that, however, the movie still has a satisfying resolution in my eyes- and that is because the emotional arc- that is, the character progression of the protagonist and those around him- does resolve itself around a point. Granted, that point is again the beginning of something more, but the point it leaves off on gives the film its own arc in spite of its prologue-ish nature. The ending of the film is a great leaping-off point for the characters, for the story, and for the world such that the second part will be able to start its own threads just as well as it continues those of part one.

You may notice I’m praising this movie effusively. That’s kind of how I feel about this film, frankly. I didn’t see that many new movies this year, but I suspect this might be my favourite one so far- it’s the only one I can think of where I don’t have “mixed feelings”, I just. Liked it a lot.

As a final summary point- when Star Wars first released in the 70s, it was very much a different take on the sci-fi genre. By that point, the worlds you’d see in film were shiny and glittery, full of bright colours and fancy spacecrafts and hot aliens, the kind of pulp that inspired that film in the first place. By contrast, Star Wars was grungey and kind of ugly- the world is old and dusty, the technology jagged and clunky, the aliens weird and gangly. I have no doubt that Star Wars’s Tatooine was inspired by Dune’s Arrakis, in fact. Star Wars’s popularity shifted the genre into a new age, and one that would define how space in movies looked for quite some time.

This new Dune is kind of a repetition of this cycle, in my eyes. Now, Star Wars has become bloated and chrome, Star Trek has been revived with all its lens flares and special effects, and the Marvel Cinematic Universe has made its iterations of space as colourful as a neon sky. By contrast, Dune is grounded in places, in dirt and sand and occasional water, and its mix of high technology with arguably human-made design that is still so utterly alien and old broken junk that is just what you need to survive makes it completely stand out from the crowd.

I’m interested to see if it has a similar impact. It probably won’t- the inertial power of franchise juggernauts isn’t something one film can break, no matter how excellent. But I’m sure at least one young filmmaker has seen Dune and thought to themselves, “this is what movies should look like.”

In short: Denis Villeneuve still doesn’t miss.

[radramblog]

scattered brainings on the scatterbrain

The dumb bitch disease is worsening.

And by that I mean I kinda forgot to take the old medication two days in a row. Shit happens.

I don’t think you ever really think about the possibility of having a condition like ADHD without having it pointed out to you. I didn’t, at least. It’s kind of insidious in that way- unlike more obvious ones, it’s a lot more subtle, and you’re not going to piece together that the way your head works isn’t normal because that’s what’s normal to you.

I guess this is a different perspective than most with the bastard brainfuck have- my understanding is that the majority of cases are diagnosed in childhood. I suppose it’s easier to pick up on it then, because even though kids tend to be hyperactive, you can still tell when they’re really over the top. I think that’s what my brother was like back in the day- his own diagnosis being much older than mine.

I wouldn’t have manifested the same symptoms. Certainly, hyperactivity isn’t really a thing I outwardly display, and the other aspects are either substantially harder to tell from an outside perspective (distractibility) or not nearly as well known (hyperfixation). So it’s not really a surprise that it took so long to figure it out.

Shoutouts to my friends who helped me do so, by the by. Without knowing people who I can openly talk about Brain Stuff with, I probably would still be stuck without the knowledge, the diagnosis, and the attention paid to my own issues that I inwardly struggled muchly with. And then I wouldn’t have access to drugs!

I have to admit, the prospect of spending the majority of my working time doing what is effectively microdosing amphetamines was a little indimidatng, but I’m not going to act like it doesn’t help. Even in the context of writing this blog, there’s a very noticeable difference between trying to sit down and write something when I’m off it and when I’m on it. Which is vaguely distressing. Like, one could argue I don’t need the stuff to live- I managed to completely clear all the way up to undergrad and most of my Masters before being appropriately medicated, and most people don’t manage that. I’m pretty sure. But I will not deny the truth, and the truth is, the drugs make me work better.

Still. I can never escape the what-ifs. That is to say, what if I’d never been diagnosed and went my life without ADHD medication, where would I be, would I even have a job, could I have dragged my ass out to get things done. I know I was bad at it. More poisonous are the earlier questions- what if I had been diagnosed as a kid? That’s the kind of thing that permanently changes your life, obviously, but I can’t help but imagine I would be more successful. But is that necessarily better?

At the end of the day, I don’t resent it. It is just a part of who I am. Goddamn if living in this scatterbrain isn’t a pain in the ass sometimes, but it’s not like I have any other skull to inhabit. Unless you’re willing to donate yours, which, I’m flattered, but I think you might be using it? I’d hope so.

[radramblog]

Halo Plot Explainer- CE

 Welcome back to This Series. I’m not confident that the last one was the best idea on the planet, but I can at least confirm that I think it’s a good enough idea to keep going. Rather, a good enough thing that I was hyper-fixating on to write more of it as back-pocket content. Lord knows I need that more than ever.

Surely, someone out there is confused about the plot of probably the simplest Halo game, the first one, and needs some help with it. Or just wants to read a summary for other reasons. It’s fine, I’ve been there, you’re in welcome company.

Anyway, this is the plot of Halo. (Or Halo: Combat Evolved, or Halo 1, etc.)

The Pillar of Autumn

Where last we left off, The Pillar of Autumn fled the Fall of Reach and made a slipspace jump to get the hell out of there, attempting to escape its pursuers and carry Cortana’s vital intel to the rest of the fleet. In the process, she’s supposed to be enacting the Cole Protocol- a series of orders developed by and named for the UNSC’s most famous Admiral, designed to avoid the Covenant learning about the existence and whereabouts of Earth by any means necessary. In particular, as it’s known that the Covenant can track ships through slipspace jumps, fleeing ships are to make random jumps into space (usually away from other population centres) and then attempt to lose pursuers through continued jumps.

However, “supposed to” is carrying some work there. As we found out in Halo: Reach, Cortana is carrying a bunch of data about Forerunner technology and facilities, and so she subtly nudged the “random” jump to lead the ship to a particular area of interest. That being the titular Halo ring, A.K.A. Installation 04. We’ll get to that.

Unfortunately, the Pillar of Autumn was pursued, and we open as the battle is already underway, with the ship having been boarded by Covenant forces. Keyes orders for the big man himself to be awoken from cryogenic stasis, and we get introduced to the Master Chief, Spartan John-117.

For how important a character he is, the Master Chief doesn’t have that much to say or talk about. He’s an incredibly deadly Spartan-II, who’s been in a number of missions that we don’t see outside of extended universe stuff like the Fall of Reach novel or the Forward Unto Dawn miniseries. But he’s here, he’s stoic, and he’s going to be our protagonist for a while. Chief gets woken up and sent to the bridge, with the battle raging around him, which in retrospect seems kind of out of character. He could definitely take them.

(We’re just going to act like the tutorial doesn’t happen. Real life is on Legendary difficulty.)

Master Chief meets Keyes on the bridge, who informs him about what’s going on. He hands Cortana’s chip to the Chief, enacting another part of a Cole Protocol- a shipboard A.I. must be protected at all costs, and all hands are going to be abandoning ship. This, of course, includes the Chief, who fights through the hallways of the ship before finding an escape vessel- all the lifeboats are landing on Halo, as it’s kind of the nearest solid object around. The Autumn is evacuated, though major casualties are suffered, and Chief and Cortana escape with a number of marine troops.

Halo

Unfortunately, the brakes on the lifeboat fail, and when it crashes onto the surface, everyone onboard except the Chief is killed. Considering he’s just standing up in there, it’s possible he pinged around the thing like a pinball, which is a horrifying but hilarious mental image. Wear your damn seatbelts!

As Chief and his A.I. companion evade (or fight off) the patrolling Covenant, they link up with a squad of marines led by one Sergeant Johnson, who’s going to be a main character for a while…though in this game, he’s actually just a generic sergeant. Unlike every other Halo game in which he appears (that’s to say, 2 and 3), Johnson can die here, shows up in multiple places at once, and doesn’t really have remarkable features, much like other NPC soldiers like Chips Dubbo (the Best Halo Character) and Sergeant Stacker.

One marine who isn’t generic but is faceless is Foehammer, a Pelican pilot who picks up the marines after you fight off the waves of Covenant. She’s going to come up a lot as The Pilot Character for this game. After the Chief and Cortana see more life craft landing around the area, they decide to grab the Warthog that Foehammer is transporting and run around to save three groups of marines in various places around the area.

In the meantime, it’s established that Cortana is hacking the Covenant’s network, because it’s really badly encrypted- it’s established canon that the Covenant’s A.I. work and general cybersecurity is really surprisingly shoddy. Kind of. In doing so, she finds out what happened to the captain- namely, he’s been captured, and is imprisoned in a Covenant cruiser, the Truth and Reconciliation. After all three groups of marines are rescued (or killed, up to you), the pair head off and regroup with the rest of the amassed forces.

Truth and Reconciliation

That night, a fireteam composed of Chief and some assorted marines infiltrate the area underneath said cruiser, eventually ending in a firefight directly beneath its gravity lift. They use the lift to board the ship, where after an engagement, Cortana locks onto where Keyes’s neural interface is, and the team uses that information to find the brig, fighting through hordes of Covenant in the process. At various points in this process, depending on how suicidal the marines are feeling that day, Foehammer may or may not show up again to deliver reinforcements, particularly as Cortana is struggling to crack the one door in the franchise, she ever apparently struggles with hacking open.

Chief and Cortana find Keyes and the other imprisoned soldiers, freeing them from the prison. Keyes mentions overhearing some troops talking about Halo, with the belief that it may be a weapon, which Cortana corroborates with information from their battlenet (also informing of its religious importance at the same time). Their forces are hunting at present for its Control Room, hence why the Truth and Reconciliation is less guarded than it otherwise would be.

The group realises that if Halo is indeed a weapon, it cannot be allowed to fall into the Covenant’s hands, then all hope would be lost. This sets up the plot for the next chunk of game, as the full squad escapes the ship by commandeering a Spirit dropship (as Foehammer is being harassed by patrols).

The Silent Cartographer

From the Covenant intel, Cortana determines the location of the titular system- an underground map room that should help figure out where the Control Room lies, which Chief and marine fireteams are sent to find. Meanwhile, what’s not particularly well established is what Keyes is doing- namely, him, Sergeant Johnson, and a fireteam are en route to what they thought was a Covenant weapons cache. We’ll catch back up with them later.

Chief and his allies lay siege to the beach full of Covenant, eventually coming upon the Cartographer facility- getting locked out in the process. Cortana is still not particularly good at doors in this game, as it happens (though to be fair this is a Forerunner one), so they have to go the long way around to another building to deactivate the security. Cortana is surprised by the Covenant’s understanding of the Forerunner tech, but after that’s sorted, the rest of it goes smoothly. Cortana manages to get the Cartographer’s data, and through this they learn the location of the Control Room.

Assault on the Control Room

Chief and Cortana lead a one-man one-A.I. assault on the Control Room- rather, on the areas surrounding it, and then the room itself once they find it. It’s really not that complicated, like, they find some marines on the way, but they aren’t super plot relevant.

Once reaching the Control Room (I don’t know why I’m capitalizing this), Cortana enters the Forerunner system and is immediately flooded with information overload. She goes through a lot all at once, but eventually tells the Chief to find the captain- there’s no time to explain, go rescue his ass before he doesn’t have an ass left to rescue. Cortana stays behind in Halo’s control system to analyse things while Chief runs off to deal with that issue.

 343 Guilty Spark

A.K.A., Bungie’s big plot twist? 12 hours after Captain Keyes’s last transmission, Chief arrives in the swamp containing the facility Keyes went missing in. He/you start seeing signs of battle, with Covenant forces running scared and barricades facing away from where he’s headed. The place is ominously empty, with only one alive marine inside, himself having been driven made and paranoid, rambling about monsters and his dead squadmates.

Eventually, Chief comes into a room covered in human blood, along with the body of a marine, one Private Jenkins. He uses the recording chip in the helmet to figure out what the fuck is going on, and so the player does as well. Through this, we see that the squad, including Johnson and Keyes, were ambushed by an unknown alien species, and we’re introduced to The Flood.

We don’t learn awfully much about the Flood in Halo: CE, but they have a deep and long backstory that’s pretty irrelevant to this summary. In short, they’re a parasitic alien lifeform that can reanimate corpses, with their Infection Forms wriggling and taking over, turning them into Combat Forms that vary based on the species they’re infecting (In the games, we only ever see Human, Elite, and Brute combat forms, though others presumably exist). They are on Halo in this facility as research subjects in quarantine, the Covenant having inadvertently freed them in their explorations.

Once the video feed ends, Chief himself is ambushed by the Flood, and has to fight his way through the facility to escape, eventually finding some survivors and leading them through the swamp. By the end, they are assisted by a group of Sentinels- Forerunner robots that float around and perform various tasks, but largely here are lasering down Flood- accompanied by one 343 Guilty Spark, who introduces himself as the Monitor of Installation 04.

Guilty Spark is basically the A.I. in charge of the ring. Like the Flood, and most other Forerunner-related topics, he has a deep backstory that’s irrelevant to the story of this game. Mainly, he’s the one in charge of the ring. However, he addresses the Chief, claiming to require his assistance in order to prevent the Flood outbreak from leaving the installation, teleporting him away before him and the remaining troops can be picked up from the swamp.

The Library

This level is relatively simple in concept- 343 Guilty Spark requires an object known as the Index to complete his task but can’t get it without the assistance of a Reclaimer- the term he uses to refer to humans much of the time. Most of the dialogue and story in this game is more on the side of greater implications than explicit story, as most of what’s happening is Chief fighting through more Flood than was really necessary, Bungie.

Things Spark brings up in his musings include the notion that the Flood was kept in samples for study, that they had a previous catastrophic outbreak, and “mass sterilization protocols” were enacted. He implies that despite Chief’s high-tech outfit, his “combat skin” is inadequate, despite explicit containment protocols. He also mentions that it was probably the Covenant that ended up releasing the Flood, owing to their constantly trying to get into different parts of the ring’s structure.

It is also mentioned that the Flood are relatively intelligent, despite their looking like weird zombies, as they’re at the time working to repair the Pillar of Autumn in an attempt to escape Halo. This intelligence is somewhat implied in gameplay, as they’re more than capable of using just about every weapon in the game, but this sort of scale demonstrates the threat level the infection poses to the galaxy at large.

Eventually, Chief and Spark reach the Index, something that only the Chief can take owing to his nature as a Reclaimer. The Index is basically an activation key for the installation- it lets one access its core functionality, including its weaponization, as we’ll soon see. Spark takes the Index once Chief has it, assuring it’s just a safety measure as Chief could get infected, and teleports the two back to the control room.

Two Betrayals

Teleporting back into the Control Room, Spark hands the Index back to the Chief, as protocol dictates that he can’t activate the ring himself. Chief inserts the Index into the console, which powers up- however, Cortana reappears, having figured everything about Halo out in the meantime, and prevents Chief from firing it. As it turns out, Halo’s purpose is not quite to kill the Flood in the first place.

Rather, Halo’s activation fires an energy pulse that annihilates any sentient life that the Flood could use as a means to adapt beyond the simple Infection Form. By starving out the Flood, they can be defeated- at the cost of billions, trillions of lives. The Forerunners activated the rings (which it turns out are plural) thousands of years ago, in order to finally stop the parasite, at the cost of their own species and many others.

Cortana understandably has a problem with the Halo firing mechanism going off, and to prevent 343 Guilty Spark from just deleting her from the system, absorbs the Index’s data into herself, preventing it from being used unless she does it herself. Spark is briefly confused- Chief seemed to be following protocol as best he could, and was helping manage the crisis, and how could he not have known what Installation 04’s purpose was- but with this betrayal, the Monitor turns on Chief, attempting to reclaim the Index and fire the ring himself through other means.

As the two escape, Cortana tries to locate where the Pillar of Autumn is crashed, with the intention of using its hopefully intact reactors to destroy the ring entirely. However, she needs to buy time, which is what the rest of the level is pretty much spent doing- the two damage pulse generators that are part of the firing mechanism, such that Spark would need to repair them before activating the ring. This part was something I was always confused about, because it’s not made super clear exactly why you have to fly around sticking your head in a bunch of buildings- by using the energy shielding on Chief’s armour, the generators are overloaded, and hopefully 343 is delayed enough to let the duo complete their mission.

However, Cortana can’t overload the reactors on the Pillar of Autumn without authorisation from Captain Keyes, who hasn’t been seen in a while owing to the whole, Flood attack, thing. She uses Halo’s teleportation network to warp Chief to Keyes’s location, with the understanding that the energy doing so would draw from the suit risks permanent damage and so they should try to avoid having to do this again.

Keyes

Cortana does succeed in teleporting Chief to Keyes. He’s back on the Truth and Reconciliation, funnily enough. Unfortunately, she kind of misses, putting Chief in a room next door (with no door between the two), and also upside down. Oops.

The Flood are also trying to repair this ship to escape, with the Covenant attempting to abandon Halo entirely- however, the Truth and Reconciliation was disabled before they could pull that off. Once they arrive, Keyes broadcasts to the Chief and Cortana, warning them to leave him- but he’s weak, and cut off soon. The pair redouble their effort to try to find him before it’s too late.

I don’t believe it’s explicitly laid out in the game, but this is a trap, if I recall correctly. The novelisation of this game, Halo: The Flood, includes details of what other people are doing while the Chief and Cortana are fucking about (with the sections that actually are just the game being completely boring), and Keyes is 100% already taken over by the Flood. He resists for a while, but is subsumed before the Chief can reach him, as is shown in the game. Keyes’s body is horrifyingly stuck onto a mass of flesh, and with Cortana’s reassurance, the Chief punches through and retrieves Keyes’s neurological implants (neural interface hardware is standard issue in the UNSC- even random marines have it to link with their helmets).

After surviving the flood of Flood that assaults him after this is done, Chief escapes the Truth and Reconciliation by stealing a Banshee that an Elite flies in for…some…reason? Either way, he and Cortana escape, now fully capable of destroying Halo using the Pillar of Autumn’s reactor.

The Maw

Chief flies in by pretty much crashing his Banshee into one of the empty lifeboat pods. The two make their way to the bridge, fighting off both Covenant and Flood forces, and attempt to use the implants’ codes to self-destruct the Pillar of Autumn.

Before they can, however, 343 Guilty Spark shows up and shuts the whole thing down, tapping into the data aboard the ship (and learning a whole lot about human history in the process). New plan: detonate the thing manually, as Chief proposes just blowing up the engine’s shielding and manually making a meltdown happen. They Do That, despite 343’s attempts to stop, warn, and/or dissuade them.

With a timer now running down before the ship blows, Cortana contacts Foehammer (she’s still around!) to try and pick the two up. Unfortunately, her Pelican gets finally shot out of the sky, and so Chief and Cortana are forced to use the last remaining escape route- a single Longsword fighter in the ship’s hangar bay. As they drive through the ship on a Warthog (don’t think about it too hard, it’s sick), the thing explodes around them, and dozens of Flood and Covenant charge them.

Eventually, however, the two reach the Longsword, taking off and escaping before the explosion. Said explosion seems to wipe out any remaining Covenant and UNSC forces still on the ring (which we see personally in the Legendary bonus cutscene), as well as punching a huge hole in it, sending one chunk of the installation to barrel through and sever another as the structure fails to keep itself together. Chief and Cortana fly off into the stars, knowing they’re the only ones left, and firm in the belief that this is all far from over.

And they’re right! We got a whole bunch more games to go. Also, canonically a bunch of others (in particular, Johnson) made it off the ring somehow. Don’t worry about it, it’s fine. This is the one Halo game made when they didn’t know it was going to be a franchise, so it definitively concludes itself with just about everyone out of the picture. Surely, we won’t see Installation 04 or 343 Guilty Spark or the Flood ever again, right?

Terminals

For Halo CE and 2, the Terminals were only added in the Anniversary rereleases, as the concept was introduced in 3. Hence, many are unfamiliar with these, as they weren’t even a thing when they played the game back in their day.

The terminals from Halo CE Anniversary are all video from the perspective of 343 Guilty Spark, and largely detail his time maintaining the installation.

Terminal 1 shows him warning and attempting to communicate with the Pillar of Autumn as it approaches the ring, claiming that the space is prohibited, before realising the ship is full of humans and letting them through, eager to discuss what’s happened “after all these years”. It’s I suppose a bit of a spoiler, but like, all the Terminals stuff tends to be, so. TL; DR: Humanity was also around in the time of the Forerunners, being a similarly advanced race that were at times rivals to them, and when the rings were fired, many species were preserved inside the rings themselves to prevent extinction- humanity was one of these species, and the survivors were replaced on Earth to begin what would be the Stone Age.

This is a lot of detail to explain that Spark welcoming humanity aboard makes a bit more sense- he’s familiar with them from his past as a Forerunner A.I.

Terminal 2 details Spark first taking on the role of Monitor, pondering whether the Forerunner’s legacy would be adequately preserved if all that is left of them is their relics and weapons. Terminal 3, on the other hand, is a bit sillier- Guilty Spark tries to communicate with a Covenant A.I. to try to get them to not release the Flood and stop trying to kill all the Reclaimers, to no avail.

Terminal 4 is basically Spark slowly going mad from the isolation of being the only sentient being on the ring, with lack of communication from the others getting to him (save some foreshadowing for 2). It also shows Rampancy as being a thing that’s going to come up later. Much later. Not going to explain it now. At the end of this cutscene, however, a new alien vessel crash-lands on the ring, and he’s broken from his musings. Terminal 5 is his attempt to welcome them, while blocking their distress signal (it’s protocol!)- eventually, as detailed in Terminal 6, it’s clear that the aliens died in their ship. Spark muses further on fighting the Flood and does some hinting about a character for Halo 4. Said character, the Librarian, keeps getting mentioned in terminals 7 and 8, as Spark goes a little bit nuts from being so alone and also thinks about when the rings were activated the first time.

Terminal 9, as it happens, is completely different- it’s actually an animation of the scene I referenced earlier when talking about this game’s novelisation. That is to say, Keyes trying desperately to hold his mind away from the Flood’s reaches. Most of the dialogue is ripped straight from the book, with some adjustments for visual effect and the like. One of the best scenes in that book, so fair enough.

Terminal 10 is basically Spark complaining about the Flood getting released, and Chief refusing to comply and trying to blow up the Ring, bringing up the Prometheans (stapling the new 343-directed lore into this game, I see?) and hinting at Halo 4’s villain. There was like, a year between these games, I think.

Finally, the 11th Terminal shows the introduction between Spark, having left Halo now that it’s a little bit blown up, and Sesa ‘Refumee, A.K.A. the Heretic Leader from Halo 2. Foreshadowing…? This scene would repeat as part of the first few Terminals from Halo 2 Anniversary.

As usual, the Terminals are mostly just background detail that doesn’t really matter to the fairly clean story of Halo CE. I’d argue my explaining it all was a waste of time, but I’d want to have done all of them if I did any of them, so. Halo CE is probably the simplest plotline the franchise has to offer, but there are still some details that can be a little confusing, so I hope through this I’ve been able to clear some of it up for you. Cheers for reading.