Ghosting.
Let’s talk about it.
The harsh reality is that ghosting is a normality of today’s dating world. “But Raely, how would you know?!” You might ask.
Because bitch I been ghosted! Seriously. I have quite a few times. And let me tell you, it fucking sucks. Bad.
When I start to get to know someone I try to keep my guard up because I am honestly so accustomed to getting hurt and don’t want to get to a dark place again. Most of the tome it works and sometimes I just come off way bitchier than normal and I ruin things. That rare time where I see something, I feel something with someone and let my guard down is the times I get ghosted.
Let’s talk about two prime examples.
We’ll start with “I” (he was just so tall). Seriously, he was like a foot taller than me and boy do I like them tall. Anyway, I. I saw no red flags, no flaws, the conversation was great, the dates amazing, the sex even better. Then boom. I didn’t hear from him for likeeee a week or so. So I counted my losses and did what any self respecting single woman would do, activate her tinder for some validation😂😂
Low and behold who do I almost instantly match with.... I. He messages me and apologizes yaddi yaddi yaaaaahhh. Mind you, he has my number and my Snapchat.... I know, I hear you. So we start talking again but I’m bound and determined to make him work for it, no sex until I see changes. We go on another date and then he wants to have a date day in. Movies, snacks, the works. Cool. It was amazing. Was followed up the next day with the sweetest text about one he had such a great time and interestingly enough, how i calm his mind. Wanna guess what happens? BINGO! I haven’t heard from him since then. This was almost 2 months ago?
On to “J”. Now this man I met at a local bar about a year ago. Lots of banter and flirting but never admission of interest or dates. Until about 1.5 months ago. He asked me to meet him at a bar with his friends so I did. Amazing night. Week or so later he invites me to his house for a party, I go. Another amazing night. We’ve been inseparable since. I even let him mee the girls. No one and i mean no one meets my daughters. We never defined the relationship per say so we’ll just call it a situationship. He travels to (I need a nickname for his state uhhh) “the land of cheese” for work and to see his daughter quite often. We continued the situationship even through the recent increased travel for the holidays and work. Until this week. We’d been pretty exclusive for about a month so i decided to take him to my company Christmas party. We had a good time. He stayed over and left the next morning to drive to the land of cheese for Christmas. Didn’t hear from him for two days despite my reaching so I assumed we were done. I post a backhanded Snapchat and he responds immediately. We discuss and things are fine. Well that was Monday and now it’s Thursday and I’ve not heard from him, despite reaching out.
What. The. Fuck. Am. I. Doing. Wrong. Here?!
Being ghosted by these 2 men in particular has caused me to go into parts of my head and dark places that I never wanted to revisit. I felt a connection with these men. I could see a legitimate future with them. My mental health has been great so i know it’s not my crazy showing. I’ve not been needy or pushy. I’ve been relatively laid back for how high strung i am. Being ghosted repeatedly makes me wonder what it is that is wrong with me. Is it my weight? Am I ugly? Am I not intelligent enough? What is it?! Why do I keep ending up alone?
These two ghostings have my anxiety is a tizzy. I feel unworthy of love. Worthless. And that’s a real shitty feeling.
I’ve tried breathing. Reminding myself that i deserve a man who won’t make me feel this way. Music. All the stuff I normally do and it just doesn’t seem to be cutting it this time. I feel trapped. Trapped inside my own head and I physically can’t bring myself out. This time, I don’t know what to do. How to stop feeling this way?
The answer folks is, I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop feeling this was when someone ghosts me. I’ll never stop wondering why I’m always alone. I want to be loved. I just don’t think it’s in the cards for me anymore. The whole package you know? As much as I try to hide it, my daughters see right through me. They know I want to be loved. To love. They want it for me. Trust me, E never lets me forget I’m single. Sweet baby.
I guess only time will tell if I’ll be okay. The universe knows what it’s doing, I just have to trust it I guess.
“Darling for you to feel this sad you must have once felt so happy. And you will find that feeing again. And it will be beautiful.” -E.K.









