I wish I could read and immerse myself into the world of love, in a way like most my peers, where I could take the place of the FMC, be the subject of the obsession and the admiration of the MMC. But even in the wide world of fanfiction, I could not replace the YA with my own name. My imagination is not to blame, in fact, ever since I've been a young girl, it was the most prominent part of me. I can dream up the most thorough and complex stories, make up plots, characters, and a world so unique, and I would have no trouble making myself play a part in those thrilling stories. The only thing grounding me and my mind has always been love. I could never make myself be the subject of a romantic relationship in a single story, could never imagine the perfect man whisper sweet nothings and promises of forever in my ear, could never imagine their hands on my body, or a happy ever after with the man of my dreams, one made up completely of my own desires and needs. I could make up a couple, a girl and a guy, she would be similar to me, but never me. Neither can I imagine myself with any of the people I actually know, even the ones I might crush on or even have been with. I can't imagine myself with them or desire them unless the longing is reciprocated, unless it's reality. It seems as if my mind refuses any love that isn't true. Unfortunately, I'm bound by the shackles of reality when it comes to what I desire most. I can imagine everything except what I wish most.
