trying to make sense of the world

even though we are a finished chapter when i could have dedicated countless pages to our untold story, just know in and outside the confines of our history you will always be my sunflower

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and in this twilight hour

i let these wings unfurl

and fly

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please, just be there for me

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you are the home that assures i will never be alone

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if only you could have stayed

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i hear you say those two words:

“you’re okay”

and even if you tell me a hundred thousand times

i would tell you three words with tears in my eyes:

“am i really?”

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if the sun were to never rise again,

would you smile at the life you lived

or would you look back it all with regret?

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what if, in my attempt to move forward, i looked backwards long enough i found myself taking two steps back?

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seashells and starlight

i was born of seashells and starlight, the oceans waves and the night sky the ebb and flow of all of life the glimmers among the dead of night

i am adorned with seashells all over my body the one crafted by the hands of love and beauty blessed as a holy conduit unbeknownst to all that i live as a protector in the rise and fall

i am glistening with starlight across my skin remnants present through the thick and thin even when all that seems to exist is the darkness i am a guardian as one who breathes the calamitous chaos

and in this composition i was melded from the waters and vast cosmic i came to be as something unexpected: a perpetual paradox:

peace and chaos daylight and darkness love and loss beauty and shadows roses and the unknown romance and self-blight seashells and starlight

but this was the life i was born into the path only just discovered yet so familiar that i embrace the facts as i start anew knowing there will be seashells and starlight in the mirror

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at what point is the weariness upon my shoulders a construct of my mind rather than the weight of the world?

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i can only hope for the briefest of moments that you got to know me through the letter i gave you that it made you smile knowing this meant as much to me as it always did for you

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maybe if i keep on telling myself that karma will come around, she will actually show up and strike,

rather than leaving me begging on my knees that she does something

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and i ask in this quiet agonizing vulnerability to please hold me, be there for me in the way that would scare off the demons

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even when you are on the edge of my field of vision, i know your love lingers as though you were in front of me

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if the end were to come for us i have no idea who i would be without you as a home

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if you chastise me and proclaim my soul to hell for garnishing the colors that display my truth, then i will wear this flag with pride as i burn from the flames of the fire you will incinerate from too

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