trying to make sense of the world

rain (she/her; bi/queer). i write sometimes, and when i do i try to find solace in sharing my thoughts

[rain-rainynights]

we are conditioned to seek romantic love

we are conditioned to seek romantic love

(and why valentine's day is more necessary than ever)

It is once again the season of love. Or for the perpetually single, it is the reminder from society that you are missing out on romance. So much love in the air, but only for that special someone you shower with chocolates and roses and a night out to a fancy restaurant or show. And if you have the misfortune of spending that time alone, well, at least you have romcoms to fill the void and remind you of what you don’t have.

In modern times, I have seen Valentine’s Day as a holiday celebrated mostly to spend exorbitant amounts of money. You can’t walk into a grocery store without having a dedicated section with pink and red boxes of chocolates this time of year. There is endless promotion to buy special perfumes or makeup you will use for one night before they collect dust on your shelf. And it is all for your romantic partner, not so much to spread the love to other people.

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[rain-rainynights]

and it is in the darkest moment that i bloom and breath out the once-desolate sunlight

[rain-rainynights]

if there is something wrong with just a little bit of poison then our search for the great antidote is made in vanity

[rain-rainynights]

what a thing it is to be afflicted with love and romance in a world predestined to be cursed by the blade of hate’s lance

[rain-rainynights]

a night in the rose garden

a night in the rose garden

aren’t we two marvellous roses in the garden of sappho?

it’s quite lovely, isn’t it? to spend an evening among the roses to see the stars and moon glisten their reflections on the pond’s surface, a harp plucking in the distance gentle melody singing in the breeze a soft haze settles like a fine mist in this place where we can exist with such ease

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[rain-rainynights]

what if bleeding out the blood and ink is not enough?

[rain-rainynights]

rose blooming on a winter solstice

rose blooming on the winter solstice

what a time to see it bloom

just as snow kisses the ground and the chill in the air is all around on this year’s winter solstice stands a single red rose, and what a time to see it bloom when i had believed myself a fool for it had been quite a while since i saw your sunshine smile...

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[rain-rainynights]

faded crescent eyes linger like ghosts in my mind of the life i lived

haiku 061

[rain-rainynights]

i fly through my dreams on a red bicycle from suburbia living high on the sweet taste of distant nostalgia

and i will keep on cycling through the clouds of the past reliving these golden days as if staying could make them last

[rain-rainynights]

does my ghost echo in your memory in the same way the shadows of sunlight haunt in mine?

[rain-rainynights]

the shattered mirrorball

i can show you lies

nobody wants to see the real you. they only want you to be the ideal version that is in their mind.

be soft, but not too soft. be sharp, but not sharp enough to cut through skin. be loud, but not loud enough you have to cover your ears. speak your mind, but only if you watch your words. be who you are, but only within invisible predestined confines you are unknowingly assigned to.

this is not necessarily a bad thing. we all have various roles we play in the facets of our lives. we all learn to be actors in the stage that is our world.

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[rain-rainynights]

and in my lovestruck daze i have learned what it means to be a old-school romantic beyond mere semantics

[rain-rainynights]

dive into a murky ocean and in due time i will succumb and drown without seeing one more glimpse of sunlight

[rain-rainynights]

we are all living in gelatinous honey inside a poisoned hive

[rain-rainynights]

momentary clairvoyance of another's sequins

momentary clairvoyance of another's sequins

would you believe in what you see, or would you brush it off like it’s nothing?

i can read your mind my dear but don’t worry, you have nothing to fear- for that feeling belongs to me and my distant dreams

i know how i am perceived in your eyes: the lowkey girl who lives inside her inner world who would rather hide than traverse the among the hive, one who has been around those different as an ally and not as one within—

and how could that be anything but true...

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[rain-rainynights]

what nobody tells you about living with a silently shattered heart is that the space it used to beat feels as hollow as you feel so far

[rain-rainynights]

douse me in roses a storm of crimson petals and let's fall in love

haiku 061