trying to make sense of the world

rain (she/her; bi/queer). i write sometimes, and when i do i try to find solace in sharing my thoughts

[rain-rainynights]

tell me how much you love me all you'd like. it is not enough to break through the walls i was cursed to live inside

[rain-rainynights]

it is strange to be healed

it is strange to be healed

what is left after the pain?

you know what it is like to write pain in real time.

the heartbreak that cuts to the bone. the emptiness where you can feel the minutes as they pass by. the wound that bleeds and bleeds. it is messy and complicated and you try to make sense of something that barely made sense to begin with.

you attempt to rationalize and process by writing it out. letting the ink spell out facts and feelings through intricate storytelling and raw poetry. you do that over and over and over, filling pages and pages of notebooks until they are worn-out and battered. but you keep on writing in the hopes that one day you will be healed and have moved on from the storm.

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[rain-rainynights]

it breaks my heart that the multitudes it contains within its kaleidoscopic shards can only be truly seen in just one light like a star in the night

[meowboys]

tagged by @lycheemetamorphosis from my main but i will answer on my sideblog hehehe

rules: Go to pinterest, search for ‘my vibes’ + a color you like and post the 9 pics you find most aesthetic

i tag anyone who wants to do it !!! but i will call out @paintandichor @lipsticklens @will-grahams-fawn @hyperfixatinglove @floralpotions

[lilyyyevans]

Thanks for the tag!!!

@alphabetically-deranged @flavouredpotayto @b4rty-r0s13r-w1ll-fck-y0ur-m0m @altair-meadows-pb @anything-for-my-moons @somecluelessidiot-moots @soythesauce @casuallllfollower @silentsupernova @cassiopeia-rising @ladymacbethisasmash @ineffablelyqueerwolfstarshipper @space-girliee

[cassiopeia-rising]

@lilyyyevans thank you for the tag 💕

npt: @dreamyy-wisterias @lucifermoonyives @verastraea @ashesinverses

[ashesinverses]

Thanks for the tag @cassiopeia-rising apparently we like the same colour haha

I don’t know how to make them all the same size, sorry

No pressure tags:

@sylviamione @rain-rainynights @nyx-tenberis @echo-temporis @aprilfoolfrog @bluesandbarebones

[rain-rainynights]

Thank you for the tag @ashesinverses!

and I tag anyone else who would like to do this!

[rain-rainynights]

we are all leaves left to the whimsy of the way the winds blow

[rain-rainynights]

Oh honey, You should save your breath For this is the beginning Of your public death

[rain-rainynights]

would you forgive me?

would you forgive me?

letter #04

i know it’s not that deep.

but my heart was never one to be wholly logical. especially when i cut it open and gave a small piece to you, someone who is ultimately a stranger at the end of the day.

it is hard not to wonder how you think of me. it doesn’t matter i don’t know how you read my words and saw me in the letter i gave you. and i know it doesn’t matter that you are a familiar stranger to me, while i am a fleeting face that hasn’t crossed your mind since our paths last did.

yet in that letter, i wrote out my history to you in depths i hadn’t before and rarely since. i told you about some of my truths and darkest shadows in an honesty you can only have with someone you will never meet again...

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[rain-rainynights]

i disappear while i remain visible to all- the art of bleeding out in a neverending fall

[rain-rainynights]

perhaps my soul knows it is made of rainy nights and that's why my heart falls for the ones made of sunlight

[rain-rainynights]

i heard you're getting married soon

i heard you're getting married soon

a letter to my dorothea

i heard you’re getting married soon.

my best friend, our mutual friend, told me the news on our way to brunch a while ago. she said you sent her an invitation for your wedding later in the summer. i smiled and said it was good for you that you were going to tie the knot soon.

what i didn’t tell her was that it stung that you didn’t send me an invite.

a wedding is considered to be one of the most important days of your life and largest social events you experience. so much that you invite those who matter most in your life, even if they have taken on minor roles or are not as present in your life. and knowing how you were (and still are), i know that you would extend an invitation to as many people as possible.

but you didn’t invite me? the best friend who was your other half throughout all four years of high school? i would have thought that if you invited our mutual friend, who you are now only in touch with very occasionally, i would have followed right behind.

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[rain-rainynights]

maybe the tides have turned if not just for a season but what if I got it all wrong and the flowers i had grown are now dead?

[rain-rainynights]

yearning- for the autumn leaves, i was not built for the golden hour heat everyone seems to run to

[rain-rainynights]

even when poppies have bled across my skin my heart remains the fool its always been

[rain-rainynights]

how the optimist killed the sage

how the optimist killed the sage

(a matter of inevitability)

there are two phantoms who live in a haunted house: one who is a recluse and stays within the walls one who keeps on searching as if still alive both unable to move on. it is a tale as old as time when you hear the wails and listen to the oh-so brutal tragedy of a slaughter that was invisible.

it started with a simple but heartfelt promise (as all good hauntings do) that everything will stay the same and He will not leave her black and blue as She gave him a sad smile half-joking his word better stay true He rolls his eyes saying She is dramatic when She took snapshots as She knew

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[rain-rainynights]

what is love if not the pursuit of feeling larger than life?

[rain-rainynights]

even with macabre ivies entangling my body i still dream of reaching the moon's gleam

[rain-rainynights]

how shattered do i have to be to believe the emptiness left behind means something?