just making sure i dont have to make this ever again
ojovivo

No title available
dirt enthusiast
h
Peter Solarz
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

titsay
Misplaced Lens Cap

Product Placement

Andulka
No title available

if i look back, i am lost

shark vs the universe

Janaina Medeiros
d e v o n
hello vonnie
Show & Tell
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
cherry valley forever
seen from Germany

seen from Jamaica

seen from United States

seen from Brazil

seen from Switzerland
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia

seen from Türkiye
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Singapore
seen from Hong Kong SAR China
seen from United States
@rainbowcactusdildopen
just making sure i dont have to make this ever again
*accidentally reminds myself that i’ve spent my whole life teaching myself to pretend my negative emotions don’t affect me because i don’t have any outlet for them and i never have*
like, if there’s nothing i can do about what i’m feeling, why bother feeling it?
i still carry all my teen and preteen angst and anger (which is extra big bc of the whole “bisexual trans kid raised to be a raging homophobe” thing) with me because my abuse kept me from having any outlets, and my abuse lasted into adulthood until i decided that having nothing was the better option and chose homelessness.
i never ended up living on the streets, which was lucky because i didn’t (and don’t) have any skills or connections to be able to make my way like that, but after a few months i found myself being abused again, so i still had no outlets.
then suddenly things were better, at least somewhat, and i was embarrassed by the fact that i was 24 years old and facing down the same despondency and anger-at-nothing that i felt at 12, on top of current stress, so i hid it from everyone around me, which meant that i didn’t seek out any outlets even though i had the freedom (and even a little bit of money) to do so.
and i made friends, none of whom were local and very few of whom i’ve ever met, and most of them have some-to-a-fuckton-of history with physical and/or sexual violence, which i can’t relate to, which leaves me feeling powerless to help when bad things related to that history come up and upset them.
all of this combines with the fact that i try really hard not to be a person who hurts people, and results in my deepest most persistent fantasy being that i’ll get attacked and try to fight them off. i don’t even care if i’m successful.