Rant

JUST A 16 YEAR OLD CHILD RANTING ABOUT HER LIFE CAUSE THE DRAMA IS REALLLL

[rainbownic-blog1]

Relationships?

GOD LIFE SUCKS, my best friend and her 'boyfriend' just 'broke up' and he is sad about it and everything but she is surprisingly okay with it and I'm worried about both of them cause I care about both of them but I'm also so upset and angry because they were the couple I looked up too and she has me really worried that she gonna get the empty no feelings thing by other friend had after a bad break up where they become like robots and force happiness cause in reality they feel empty, I'm also worried about him cause he's such a nice guy and had so much care for every and so nice and sweet and in worried he gonna get depressed and I'm so scare of what's next and I'm so scared that I'm gonna have to choose when I can't. I'm so ANGRY AND FURIOUS AND FRUSTRATED, SAD , WORRIED AND SCARED....I just want things to be okay

[rainbownic-blog1]

Crush? Oh crap

Ahhhh fuck me , I think I just told my best friend I have feelings for her but didnt actually say it and now shes mad at me but wont admit it but I can totally tell and fuckkkkk. I've dated my best friend before and it didnt go well last time. Plus she has a 'boyfriend' and I'm just gonna ruin things. It's what I alway do. She thinks I'm hiding something from her but I'm just scared cause what if it's not a normal crush or what if I tell her and she hates me or what if it's just my minds way of telling me I'm lonely and desperate? Oh God I'm so scared

[rainbownic-blog1]

Fuck my life

I aciddenttly shave off a small chunk of my eyebrow, I just wanted to try and look nice and now I look like an idiot. Probably cause I am, I mean who does this?! I just did what my sister said and I fucked up my face more than it already is. I weight over 200 pounds. I'm nerdy and I have a connect the dots on my face. Now to and to it a FUCKED UP EYEBROW! I MEAM COME ON MAN CANT I CATCH A BREAK IM SO PISSED OFF. it all my fault to i can't blame anyone else. Stupid fucking karma.....i deserve this...

[rainbownic-blog1]

Parenting 101

So yesterday I told my mom I felt like I had testing anxiety and we had a good old chat about that. The next day I took a very important test and passed. When I came home I told my mom and she said she was proud of me for passing and said she was worried I wouldn't cause of my testing anxiety. I felt so loved and appreciated by something most would think so little of.

[rainbownic-blog1]

Regrets?

So my friend wanted me to audition with her on something right? I was going to try and do it hurt she literally told me last minute that I didnt have time to ask my mom. My mom eventually texts back and says I can stay afterschool but by then I'm halfway home already. I wondering if I should have risked it to stay after school to audition on something I've got about 70% interests in or if I was fine the way it worked out. I'm stuck wondering if it was supposed to end like this or if I just missed a good opportunity to do something awesome. I fell a burning pit of regret in my stomach and all I wanna do is cry for something that simply happened by chance.

[rainbownic-blog1]

OCD Stress

I just got so stressed that I stayed up til 2AM color coding and organizing my closet. The worst part is that I didnt even know what I was doing until my sister woke up and yelled at me to go to bed.

[rainbownic-blog1]

Guilty

Fucccckkk me, I hate this feeling. I aciddenttly invaded my Best Friend privacy and yes I know most of you are wondering how the fuck you aciddenttly invade someone privacy but I tend to act on impulse. Sometimes that a good thing, in this case not so much. She ended up getting super fucking pissed at me and I immediately felt guilty cause I realized my mistake. I apologize but I can tell she still pissed. I fucked up so bad so now I feel like the world is over and our friendship is on the line. I know in my heart it's not but my anxiety decided to say ha fuck you I think not. I'm scared and I feel guilty and I feel like it's the end of the world. But most of all I'm so pisswd at her. She made me feel these thing but then I feel guilty cause she did absolutely nothing wrong and the I'm pissed again cause my emotions are so mixed up if feels like the words gonna end. I just want things to be okay.

[rainbownic-blog1]

SPOOKY DAY

Okay so obviously its Halloween. If you didn't catch on by the day then sorry boo, ha get it? Boo? No, okay anyways I went as a fairy today and I gots lots of compliments on my homemade tutu and lots of hate on my glitter tutu. As expected. None the less I had fun today at school might I add and I so excited to go trick or treating! Let's just hope it doesn't get rained out.

[rainbownic-blog1]

Being Left Out?

You know how when you joke with your friends and your fake mean to them and Vise versa? Have you ever felt like maybe their not faking? I know it silly and I know that they love me and are actually my friends but sometimes I feel alone. I feel like maybe no one gets me because I am not enough for them.

[rainbownic-blog1]

BETTER

I wanna get better, I really wanna be better I wanna feel better. I look around my friends and I see them being better, they are what I so desperately crave. I'm confused, I'm confused because they dont understand that they are better because they have someone. Whether it's a boyfriend, best friend, faith, or family they have someone and I realize that why I'm not. I'm alone or at least I feel alone. My best (girl) friend has a boyfriend, my best (boy) friend has a loving and supportive family. My friends all have crushes or are perfectly fine alone.

I'm not fine alone, but I also dont wanna have to depend on someone to feel better. I dont wanna know that because if this person i feel better. I dont qant that pressure or drama i just what to be better. But i can't......I need so much help but I'm so afraid to ask for it.