"Loneliness is my religion, and I'm its only god."
we're not kids anymore.
h
Not today Justin

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if i look back, i am lost

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Monterey Bay Aquarium

Discoholic 🪩
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@raindahmer-two
"Loneliness is my religion, and I'm its only god."
When Milwaukee Police searched Apartment 213, they discovered a specific and diverse collection of cassette tapes.
Here are the confirmed musical preferences found in Dahmer's personal archive:
Heavy Metal Passion: Dahmer was a genuine fan of Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden. The dark, dystopian, and powerful riffs of these bands were a constant in his isolated life.
Classical & Opera: It is well-documented that he played classical music at high volumes, often to mask suspicious noises or to create a specific atmosphere within the apartment.
New Age & Meditation: Surprisingly, many "relaxing" nature sounds and New Age tapes were recovered. This contrast highlights the duality of his disturbed mental state.
The Pop Culture Myth: Contrary to popular belief and internet rumors, Dahmer was not a KISS fan. No significant collection of their music was ever documented in his possession.
At the end of that third day of talking to him before he was going to go into court, he said to me, ‘You know, I’m a little bit concerned. You know I have to go to court tomorrow’ and he already knew by then that there was news media all over the place because I would be in the paper and be like; ‘oh look at what they’re saying about you’. He was concerned about that he looked all greasy and funky and will I need to go on this paper dress suit. So I went home that night, and I had my oldest boy at the time was a sophomore in high school and he was damn near 6’1. 6’2, 285 pounds. So I asked him, I said, ‘Oh hey Pat, do you have a shirt and some pants that you don’t like’. Of course he pulled out this blue striped shirt, he goes; ‘Yeah, this is the one you gave me for Christmas that I will never wear’. He goes you have this one, and he also had a pair of black jeans that he gave me, right. So the next day when I went in, as we were preparing for court, I gave those to Jeffrey Dahmer and he put them on. Well that’s the shirt that’s on People Magazine, the blue and white striped shirt, where people say, ‘Oh look how he’s dressed, like a tennis player.’ They made all those assumptions about his choice, but that was my son’s shirt and pants that he wore there. They took him back in the judges chambers and the holding cell where they hold prisoners. He started to get out of those clothes, and get into, because now he was going to go to the county so he was putting on his orange jumpsuit. He tried to hand me back the shirt and the pants and at the time I said, ‘Oh no Jeff, that’s alright you can keep them’.
-Detective Pat Kennedy
Jeffrey Dahmer’s Hand-Drawn Map of the Ohio Property (July 26, 1991)
These images feature the original sketch drawn by Jeffrey Dahmer for authorities and a corresponding crime scene photograph. The map outlines the Dahmer family property in Ohio.
The Drainage Pipe: In the "Backyard" section of the map, Dahmer identified a drainage pipe where he hid the remains of his first victim, Stephen Hicks, in 1978.
Animal Burials: The sketch includes specific locations for buried pets: "Boots the cat in a blue blanket" and "Frisky the dog" near the lake.
Physical Evidence: The final image shows the actual drainage pipe depicted in the drawing, where the evidence was recovered.
Before the interview with Stone Phillips started, Stone casually asked, “How’s things going here for you?” Jeff replied, “Slow and steady,” trying to look casual and acting like it was nothing serious. “Nothing out of the ordinary, really.” But as soon as he finished the sentence, he quickly took a step back, pressed his lips together, and turned his head away, as if he was trying to hide his emotions. This all happened within a few seconds, but if you slow it down and zoom in, you could see that he actually cried, even his tears were visible. The reason such a simple and casual question triggered such an emotional response could be that he really had a terrible time in prison.
Here are some descriptions of Jeff’s prison life from an inmate’s book.
Immediately after Dahmer arrived, verbal abuse and threats against him began. “If I ever see you alone, I’ll kill you, you racist pig!” one inmate shouted. The shouts and jeers escalated. Dahmer never said a word. One inmate asked what he did with all his victims. No response. More questions and jeers flew at him like, “Did the male parts taste good?” or “did you have a feast with all those feet you had on hand?” Dahmer remained silent. The questions, swearing, threats, jokes, and comments continued and got louder. The noise continued all afternoon. When Jeff received his tray, some of the inmates started yelling again. “Does this taste better than human meat? Which one tastes better?” As before, Dahmer didn’t respond. They continued. “Hey, Jeff, do you prefer dark meat or white meat?” “He definitely preferred dark meat over white meat!” one of the white guys jeered. “Brother, Jeff consumed more red than white meat,” said one Hispanic inmate, laughing. No sound came from Cell 1. After a few minutes, one guy shouted, “Hey, Jeff, how’s the corpse?” That time, much to everyone’s surprise, Dahmer replied. “Chunky,” he said, “delicious and tasty.” Right after supper, the clamor started again. “Did you eat all the meat on your tray, you animal?” They continued calling him a racist and making other derogatory remarks that crossed their minds.
After my shower, other inmates passed Dahmer’s cell. They’d stand in front of his door and stare at him, as if he was a caged animal on display.
During and after showers that night, the inmates started again with their threats and jokes. Jeff never said a word in response to them. His silence made the guys mad, so they’d yell angry, vile curse words.
As the inmates returned, they slowed at Dahmer’s cell and it was the same old thing–abusive, threatening language hurled at him. I don’t know how Jeff could stand it every day.
Although protected in his cell, I could tell the other inmates seemed daunting to him, especially the ones who were so radical in the way they ridiculed and swore at him. His fear seemed to frustrate him. Many times daily, especially when they were passing by his cell, inmates would threaten him or spit on his window. They never let up.
"I hated what I was doing, but I couldn't stop it."
-Jeffrey Dahmer
-Jeffrey Dahmer
I took the pictures so I could have them for myself, to keep them with me.
Never before seen crime scene photo of the inside of Jeffrey Dahmer’s refrigerator, showing Oliver Lacy’s severed head in a box
“While Bundy blamed alcohol and porn, Dahmer blamed atheism and being taught about evolution..”
Jeff’s letters to Mary and Barbara. I translated both down below. They are from the confessions book
My dearest Barbara, Hello, and how is my special and most beautiful friend? Thanks so much for your card! I hope that things are still going well for you at school. Did you know that my cell has “jumping” spiders in it? I killed one two nights ago. I don’t like them because I’m afraid that one will crawl into my ear, or up my nose while I’m sleeping. Oh well, soon winter will be here, and I won’t have to worry about creepy insects anymore. The judge still hasn’t decided about my garnishment. This is the second time that he said he would decide by a certain date, and then changed his mind. You can’t even trust the judges to stick by their words these days! But at least the prison has let me buy from the canteen each week again. It’s nice to be able to buy stamps, coffee, and cigarettes each week like the other inmates. I’ve finally been able to pay back the other inmates too. It was raining for most of the day yesterday. It finally stopped around six pm and I looked out my window and saw this huge solid pink rainbow! I’ve never seen a pink rainbow before. Barbra I love you, and I keep you in my thoughts and prayers! All my love & many hugs, Jeff
&
My dearest Mary, Hello and how is my most beautiful and lovely friend, my exotic summer orchid? Thanks so much for continuing to write to me while I’ve been unable to. The cards that you’ve picked out are just great! How has everything been going at home? Have you been on any more interesting adventures, or are you just relaxing? I’m wishing you a belated “sweetest” day, because you are the sweetest! The judge still hasn’t decided about my garnishment. This is the second time that he said he would decide by a certain date, and then changed his mind! You can’t even trust the judges to stand by their words now a days! But at least the prison has started to let me buy from the canteen each week now. It’s nice to be able to get a steady supply of stamps, coffee, and cigarettes each week again! Finally been able to lay back the other inmates. Mary did you know that I have “jumping” spiders in my cell? I killed one two nights ago. I don’t like them because I’m afraid that one will crawl in my ear or up my nose while I’m sleeping! It was raining for most of the day, but it finally stopped by six pm. I looked out my window and I was surprised to see a huge solid pink rainbow! I’ve never seen a pink rainbow before! You really do know how to make a guy feel good! I cherish you, and I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! All my love & many hugs Jeff
Small gestures that show Jeffrey's desire to fit in
One example of Jeffrey’s sensitivity to the people and environment around him is the way he sat in court. During his first appearance, when the judge entered and everyone was expected to stand, he began to rise but hesitated for a second because he didn’t immediately sense movement from those beside him. This delay caused him to stand up slightly slower than everyone else, and he quickly hurried to catch up. Later, when it was time to sit, he initially reached to pull his chair forward before sitting, but Wendy, who was seated next to him, sat down quickly, so in response, he followed her lead and adjusted his chair afterward.
Throughout the trial, this pattern continued. Jeffrey consistently tried to match the pace of Wendy and Ellen, who were seated beside him. Because they often wore dresses, they would smooth them down before sitting to prevent wrinkles, which naturally took more time. Even though Jeffrey didn’t have a dress to adjust, he deliberately slowed himself down to synchronize with them. These small gestures show his deep-seated conformity and his preoccupation with blending into his surroundings.
“He deserved to get killed because he became Christian… He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
— Richard Ramirez
The notion that Jeffrey Dahmer liked roses appears to originate mainly from interviews given by his grandmother after his arrest, rather than from his own direct statements. When speaking to journalists, she described him as very thin, recently unemployed, and as someone who “liked the things I liked.” That particular phrase offers a small yet meaningful insight into how she perceived him.
It is known that his grandmother cared about her garden and enjoyed growing flowers. Since Dahmer lived with her for an extended period, he was inevitably part of that domestic environment. Roses, common in traditional American home gardens and requiring regular care, may have been among the flowers she tended. If so, Dahmer would at least have been present in that setting, observing or casually participating in the routine of maintaining the garden.
In my view, the idea that he “loved” roses is not a confirmed fact but rather an interpretation derived from his grandmother’s words. Her statement that he liked what she liked could reasonably include gardening and flowers. Within that context, roses may represent more than just a plant; they symbolize the quiet, structured rhythm of home life.
What stands out to me is the gentle tone his grandmother used when describing him. In her narrative, he was a young man who lived at home, shared her interests, and never left without giving her a hug. The mention of flowers and by extension, roses feels less like hard evidence and more like a symbolic detail reflecting the atmosphere of that household.
Jeffrey Dahmer & Dennis Nilsen
The following similarities are documented in criminological and forensic research:
• Both operated during a similar historical period (late 1970s–early 1980s).
• Both targeted young men, often selecting individuals who were socially vulnerable.
• Both initiated contact in public places (bars, streets, transport areas).
• Both relied on persuasion rather than immediate physical force to gain compliance.
• Both brought victims into their private residences.
• The majority of offenses occurred inside their apartments.
• Both lived alone during their active periods.
• Both demonstrated prolonged social isolation and limited close relationships.
• Both presented as quiet, polite, or non-threatening in daily life.
• Neighbors reported unusual smells or disturbances prior to discovery.
• Both cases remained undiscovered for extended periods despite warning signs.
• Both stored evidence within their living spaces rather than disposing of it immediately.
• Both showed patterns of compartmentalization — separating public persona from private actions.
• Both expressed fear of abandonment in documented interviews and records.
• Both were described as emotionally detached yet craving connection.
• Both were cooperative to a degree after arrest and gave detailed statements.
• Both cases became heavily studied in forensic psychology, especially in discussions of isolation, control, and concealment behavior.
• Both are frequently compared in academic analysis due to structural similarities in method and environment.
Dahmer & Ramirez
Following Jeffrey Dahmer’s baptism in 1994, reports from interviews and second-hand prison accounts describe Richard Ramirez responding with open ridicule and hostility.
According to published accounts referenced by former clergy and writers who corresponded with inmates, Ramirez allegedly dismissed Dahmer’s conversion as meaningless. He reportedly mocked the idea of redemption, suggesting that religious belief could not erase past actions. Some accounts describe him laughing at the notion of spiritual forgiveness in Dahmer’s case and framing it as weakness rather than transformation.
Ramirez, who publicly aligned himself with anti-Christian symbolism during his trials and incarceration, maintained a confrontational stance toward religion. In contrast, Dahmer had begun studying the Bible, attending prison church services, and meeting regularly with minister Roy Ratcliff prior to his baptism.
Observers of prison culture note that high-profile inmates often react strongly to each other’s publicized actions. In this case, Ramirez’s reaction has been interpreted as:
• ideological opposition to Christianity
• rejection of religious redemption narratives
• assertion of identity within prison subculture
• disdain toward perceived remorse
It is important to note that much of what is known about these exchanges comes from interviews, minister accounts, and secondary sources rather than direct recorded dialogue. As with many prison anecdotes, details vary slightly depending on the source.
Dahmer’s baptism remained controversial both inside and outside prison walls. For some observers, it raised questions about faith and accountability. For others, it was viewed skeptically or rejected outright
Dahmer had early learned to keep to himself. Especially his emotional world would grow small, barren and distant, seperating itself from the worlds of others. As a child he would dream up a game which he called "Infinity Land". This game would consist of stick men and spirals. The stick men were simple and fleshless, the spirals tightly drawn, resembling the eerie blackness of an abyss. The stick men would immediately be destroyed and sucked into the spirals, if they came too near to eachother. Their demise lay in closeness.
Jeffrey Dahmer: An Archival Record
In courtroom footage and recorded interviews, Dahmer rarely maintained prolonged direct eye contact with cameras or observers. His gaze often appeared distant, lowered, or momentarily disengaged. When he did look forward, the eye contact was usually brief and quickly broken.
This pattern has been discussed in behavioral observation contexts and linked to several non-exclusive factors:
• Heightened situational stress — Being under arrest, on trial, and under constant observation can create intense psychological pressure, which often affects eye contact patterns.
• Social withdrawal history — Dahmer had lived in prolonged isolation prior to his arrest. Individuals with long-term isolation sometimes show reduced comfort with sustained direct eye contact.
• Self-awareness and exposure — Awareness of being recorded, watched, and publicly analyzed can increase avoidance behaviors.
• Passive and compliant behavioral presentation — During interrogation and trial, Dahmer’s posture and movements were generally described as subdued, controlled, and non-confrontational.
• Internal cognitive focus — Individuals under interrogation or emotional strain may shift attention inward, focusing on thoughts rather than external stimuli.
• Emotional flattening or detachment — Observers noted limited visible emotional expression, which can also influence gaze behavior.
It is important to clarify that avoiding eye contact is not a definitive indicator of any single psychological condition. In forensic psychology, it is considered one observable behavior among many, not a standalone diagnostic element.