@nestaarcheronweek Day Seven — Free Day
Nesta didn’t stop the tears that flowed, or the words that tumbled out. “I didn’t deserve you before the war, or afterward, and I certainly don’t now.” She let out a low, broken laugh. “Why do you think I shoved you away? Why do you think I wouldn’t speak to you?” She put a hand on her aching chest. “After my father died, after I failed in so many ways—denying myself of you …” She sobbed. “It was my punishment. Don’t you understand that?”
She could barely see him through her tears. “From the moment I met you, I wanted you more than reason. From the moment I saw you in my house, you were all I could think about. And it terrified me. No one had ever held such power over me. And I am still terrified that if I let myself have you … it will be taken away. Someone will take it away, and if you’re dead …” She buried her face in her hands. “It doesn’t matter,” she whispered. “I do not deserve you, and I never, ever will.”
Utter silence filled the room. Such silence that she wondered if he’d left, and lowered her hands to see if he was there.
Cassian stood before her. Tears streaming down his beautiful, perfect face.
She didn’t balk from it, letting him see her like this: her most raw, most base self. He’d always seen all of her, anyway.
— Chapter 58, A Court of Silver Flames
From the moment I first heard this song, I have always associated it with Nesta and Cassian. Nesta wanting Cassian like breathing, but denying herself him as a means of punishment. What did she imagine when she was still human, or even in her apartment in Velaris? Did the thought of Cassian bring her comfort? Nes more than likely felt guilty at the prospect of wanting him, of fantasizing about him.
For this piece, @trashforazriel and I wanted to exemplify the romantica intimacy and undeniable chemistry that exists between Nesta and Cassian—a couple built off of the saying of never giving up on your partner, of believing in them unconditionally. Keep reaching out your hand.
COMMISSIONED BY @oristian @trashforazriel
amandla
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