The lock clicks in place as Ivan closes the door behind him. His shoes are kicked off his feet, fitted next to the two pairs sitting on the rack. He shakes some of the rainwater off his hands. It'd just started raining all of a sudden, he was lucky to get out of it on time.
Jim and Thomas' look over from the dining table. Ivan doesn't recall announcing himself. "Hey! You're home early." Thomas cuts through the silence.
"Yeah, it started raining so..." For a moment, his gaze catches Jim's, which he quickly averts. His thumbs wrestled between his locked fists. Ivan keeps staring. "What are you two doing?"
"Nothing, we were just chattin'." Thomas answers. "Something, I think, we wanna talk to you about. Are ya busy?"
"No, yeah." He quickly nods. "Just gonna dry myself off first."
"Yep."
Ivan excuses himself to the bathroom. His legs grew lighter with every step he took, needing to lean against the door as he shuts it locked. Breaths weighed heavy with each drag from his lungs. He takes in a sharp inhale and doesn't let go.
The facet runs hot water into Ivan's hands, splashing his face over and over until his skin's scalding. He can't hold onto breath anymore. His head's spinning now, a terrible ringing in his ears. He can't think straight, and ẃ̴̟h̵͓͐o̵̹͗'̶̤̂ṡ̵͍ ̶͈̎f̵͔̈a̶̠͝ṷ̶̒l̸͈̾t̶̢̑ ̷̭̔í̵̺s̶̼̏ ̵͕̈́ţ̵̉h̵͔͐ȃ̶̺t̵̟͝?̸̫̂
No.
This is nothing.
Everything's fine.
He unlocks the door.
Ivan returns to the kitchen, his roommates still waiting for him. He keeps his stance at the entrance. "So? What's this about?"
There's a brief pause as the two exchanged looks. Thomas nods, and Jim straightens his posture. "I-I don't know if you remember the uh... trip- a few weeks back. W-when we drove out to the next town over to see my friend..."
His throat tightens.
"You said something that you've never met him. B-but when I messaged him again he said you two were-"
"You talked to him?" Ivan cuts through.
Jim flinches. "Y-yes..."
"I told you not to message him. You barely know him. Anyone on the internet can make up whatever lies they want for their petty vendettas-"
"Andrew showed us everything."
Ivan's blood runs cold. Every muscle in his body freezes in place with the weight of his feet anchoring him down. His manual breaths are careful, tongue curling to choose his next words wisely. "Everything?"
"We know how you treated him. The photos, videos- the whole lot."
"And you're just going to believe it all? You don't see the full picture. There's so much in the details that he left out, because he knows it won't make him look good." He watches as Thomas' face sours into disdain. "You KNOW me."
"Yeah, we do." Thomas scowls. "And it's not hard for us to believe his story."
There's a brief silence that could kill everyone in the room. It stabs at Jim, trembling in his seat, and his finger can't help but pull the trigger.
"I-Ivan... we do care about you. There's so much you've done for us, and I'm so- so grateful to have a friend like you! B-but... there's a lot you've done to h-hurt us too. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like you see us as friends. You just get so... angry, and you lash out at us for no reason. I-It doesn't feel safe to live here, I-I don't feel safe living with- you."
Tears crack, Jim quietly sobs into the palm of his hand. Thomas expression softens, hand reaching over just to be close to him. That tenderness isn't shared with Ivan, however.
"Ivan, when I first met you, I was at my wit's end. I latched onto you desperate 'cause I needed to break the cycle of my addiction. I thought that if I couldn't control myself, then somebody else can take the wheel for me. But I was still goin' around in circles. We're going around in circles, and it's only going to get worse if we keep at it. It has to stop."
Again. It's happening again.
They're abandoning him. He's going to be left by himself. This is his fault. The same mistakes, all over again. Why did he think this would be any different? That he could make a change? He thought he could be better, to prove something for him- f̵͇̓o̸̥͠r̵̳͐ ̵̪͒h̸̤̏i̸̡͂s̵͈̽ ̶͉̉n̷̥͘å̸̱m̷̰͛è̸̢.
"Ivan?"
He doesn't notice the sweat dripping from his forehead.
"I-Ivan, please... we still care about you. We'll help any way that you need. J-just tell us and we can figure something out...!"
"At least acknowledge what you've done- to us, to Andrew... you have to make a change."
The world freezes, as if its whole weight threatens to break the concrete foundations of the apartment. It presses against Ivan's neck, like the cold steel of a guillotine. There's nothing he could do except bend his knees to fate's will, and await his sentence...
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