rainywrites

my writings. mostly fanfiction currently Loki obsessed http://ko-fi.com/rainywainybear

[rainyswriting]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

It has been far too long since Ruan and Thancred have gotten some time for themselves, always something more urgent on the agenda.

When they do finally get a chance things do not quite go according to plan, yet they choose to make the most of it.

[rainyswriting]

Healing Hands (Geralt of Rivia - The Witcher)

This fic is also on AO3:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Summary:

He's a fool, he knows this. Yet he's drawn to you, so he keeps returning, unable to do anything about his feelings. OR Geralt falls hard for the woman tending to his injuries

(Also I'm a simp for Geralt from the games, but it works either way I guess)

word count: 839

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Gentle fingers were dancing across his skin, the warmth of the fire nearly letting him forget about the storm outside as the warmth of her hands erased any thought of his sore muscles. She looked ethereal in the soft glow of the flames. With her brows slightly furrowed and her bottom lip tugged between her teeth as she was concentrating, he could have watched her for days. There wasn’t much more he could have wished for this evening. Well, except maybe for the throbbing pain in his arm to stop.

He flinched as her fingers grazed the wound and she immediately retreated, mumbling a quiet apology. Silently he cursed himself for the moment of weakness. It hadn’t hurt too badly, he had simply been so lost in thought the sudden pain had surprised him. He assured her it was alright, urging her to continue, simply wanting to feel her hands back on his skin. His own hands were formed to fists at his sides, fighting the urge to touch her, to pull her closer to him, knuckles turning white and fingernails digging into his palms.

Closing his eyes he took a deep breath, hoping to calm himself at least a little bit, but his heightened senses easily picked up her scent when she was so close and he couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath that followed. “Sorry” She mumbled, thinking it had been because of her treatment of his wound, worried she had caused him pain. It tore at his heart, knowing her kindness. How many people would care about hurting a witcher?

“It’s not that bad. It’s barely more than a scratch anyway.” She let out a soft laugh and he couldn’t help but think of the things he would give to hear the sound more often. “Then why’d you even come here?” “Just wanted to see you.” His eyes were carefully watching her reaction, his mind questioning if he imagined the faint blush on her cheeks. Closing his eyes once more he concentrated on her heartbeat, it seemed faster than usual, but it might simply be because she had rushed to get the bandages the moment he had stepped into her home. It had to be.

Once started, she made quick work of his injury, having done it many times before. The rag she had used to clean his wound was dyeing the water it was soaking in a faint red color from his blood, as she was already finishing up his treatment. The ointment she had used had numbed the pain and if it hadn’t been for the bandages he would have felt as if he’d never gotten hurt at all.

Desperately he tried to convince himself her skill in treating injuries was the sole reason he kept returning to her whenever a wound was too bad to be taken care of by himself. His potions couldn’t fix everything after all, that’s why he was here.

Yet he couldn’t deny that most of his latest visits hadn’t exactly been necessary. At least not from a medical point of view. But it had been slowly getting near impossible for him to stay away from her.

„You need to be more careful.” She told him, hands running over a scar a little below his fresh wound. It had been from the last time he had visited her and still had barely healed. There was a truth to her words, he had grown careless, knowing each new injury would give him a reason to see her again. Even now, he nearly wanted to throw himself head first into the next monsternest, just so she could patch him up again. “What excuse do I have to see you then?” She scoffed, shaking her head. “You can still visit me without bleeding all over my floor.”

He nearly whined at the loss of contact when she got up and started putting away the leftover supplies. Just how pathetic could a man be?

As she went to leave the room she hesitated for a moment, turning back around to face him, a faint smile on her lips that nearly made her seem shy. “You should stay for dinner” She told him, quiet, timid. He merely raised an eyebrow at her, her behavior unlike anything he’d ever seen from her before. It seemed she realized how odd she was acting as she quickly added: “You know, get at least a few hours of rest. I’m sure it’ll do wonders for your arm.” It didn’t confuse him any less, as she had never asked him to stay before, when he had come to her with much worse injuries. But who was he to deny her wish?

He quickly decided it had been the right choice, as he watched her smile brighten. When eventually she left the room she took one last glance back at him and he liked to imagine her gaze too lingered for just a moment longer than necessary. Though he deemed it unlikely, a man could at least dream, right?

[rainyswriting]

One Last Time - Break x Reim (Pandora Hearts)

Summary: Reim can't help but wish he'd get one more last chance

words: 849

___

How Reim wished he could hear his voice one last time. To have him distract him from work, startle him, or even just tease him. To have him laugh, even if it was about a joke at his expense. He would gladly be the one to suffer for his entertainment if it meant he could only hear that sweet sound again. Or to hear his name fall from his lips once more. Wishing it was him whenever somebody called out to him. When he closed his eyes, he could nearly convince himself it was his voice he was hearing.

How he wished he could see him smile one last time. See his face light up at the sight of a sweet piece of cake. Or at the sight of him. A true, genuine smile from him had been so rare, which made it all the more beautiful. It pained him now, the way he used to look at him. To think he could make him smile like that, and now he would never be blessed with that sight again.

How he wished he could hold him one last time. He would never let him go. To have him lie in his arms just once more, it was barely more than a distant dream now. The memory of how his body felt in his arms ingrained in his brain. Of how hesitant and tense he had been at first, unsure of what to make of the unfamiliar sensation. Yet once he’d settled, he had never felt more at home than he did in Reim’s embrace. Now his arms were empty, a memory all that was left.

How he wished he could run his hands through his hair one last time. To feel the soft strands between his fingers, to try and tame the stubborn mane. He would complain as he tried to get out the knots and Reim would scold him for not taking better care of it. Yet at the end of the day he loved nothing more than to bury his face in it, inhale the scent and run his fingers through it. Fascinated every time with how soft and smooth it truly was, despite always looking like an unruly mess.

How he wished he could simply see him one last time. See how the light reflects on his hair. See that mischievous twinkle in his eye, even if he knew he would probably be the victim of whatever had come to his mind. Watch his slender fingers draw shapes on his skin, while his mind was far away. How after everything, even when his body was starting to betray him he still seemed to move so effortlessly. So gracefully. He wanted to watch him simply exist. Once more commit every little thing about him to his memory. To make sure he could never forget. Never forget how he had taken his breath away by being the way he was.

How he wished he could kiss him one last time. He would put everything into it he never found the right words for, hoping he would understand. To kiss those lips, that felt like he was never supposed to kiss anybody else, just one more time. Feel again the way they moved against his so perfectly. To explore his mouth, always tasting of something sweet. Sometimes he thought he could still sense the taste linger on his tongue.

How he wished he could feel his heartbeat one last time. Hold him so close he could feel it pound in the chest pressed against his own. To feel how he was unmistakably alive. He had known from the very beginning their time together was limited, the other slowly fading away. Yet it had happened all too soon, fate being cruel like that.

How he wished he could hear him breathe one last time. Lulling him to sleep, reassuring him with the simple knowledge he was there. To feel his breath against his skin as he was lying close to him. The steady rise and fall of his chest he took comfort in, knowing he was alright for now.

How he wished he could feel his touch one more time. Gentle fingers grazing his cheek. Running through his hair, tender and loving. Cupping his cheeks as he kissed him. Rubbing circles on his back to soothe him. Those hands, that held him, their touch so gentle, yet firm. So soft, so loving, yet holding on like he was afraid somebody would take him away. Afraid something would tear them apart. He hadn’t been entirely wrong, had he?

How he wished he could tell him one last time, just how much he loved him. How much he meant to him, how much he needed him. He would laugh, tell him he was being all too cheesy. Yet he would hide his blushing face behind his sleeve, eventually tell him he felt the same. Again and again those words would make his heart flutter. What he would give to hear them once more.

Yet a million last times still wouldn’t be enough.

[rainyswriting]

Cold - Break x Reim (Pandora Hearts)

Summary: Reim is once again working too much, Break decides he needs some fresh air and drags him away from his desk, only to cause him to fear for his life.

words: 4.974

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Snowflakes were dancing in the soft breeze, slowly covering the world in white. Reim glanced out the window, watching them on their way down. He pinched the bridge of his nose, his gaze wandering back to the stack of papers on his desk. It just didn’t seem to get any smaller, the pages mocking him as his overworked brain refused to concentrate. He sighed, leaning back in his chair, closing his tired eyes, when he heard the familiar crinkling of candy being unwrapped.

“Xerxes Break would you mind using a door for once in your life?” He complained, looking over to the man nonchalantly leaning against the open closet. “Now where would the fun in that be?” Reim nearly failed to suppress a groan. “Of course. Heaven forbid you don’t have your fun” There was his usual smile on Break’s lips, as he did Reim the favor of at least closing the doors through which he had made his entrance. “Exactly. Now would you tell me what you’re so irritated about? One could nearly think you don’t enjoy my visits”

“What am I so irritated about? I am trying to work here, these reports get done neither by themselves nor by you. And stop littering in my room.” He cast a disapproving look at the candy wrapper now lying on the floor. Break though only shrugged, shoving the tiny piece of paper under a cabinet with his foot. It was as if he was trying to infuriate Reim. “You are too tense. When was the last time you had some fun?” “Probably before I had you shoving your paperwork on me” Break looked playfully offended and Reim nearly expected to get scolded by him any second, when his gaze unexpectedly softened.

He walked over to Reim, who was still sitting in his chair, placing his hands on the man’s shoulders. He flinched, only now realizing just how tense and cramped up he was. Yet he couldn’t deny his touch felt quite nice once he had recovered from the first shock of the contact. “Let me phrase it differently then. When was the last time you left your desk? For more than five minutes” He added, before the other even got a chance to answer. Reim opened his mouth, thinking of a response, but closed it again without word, truly not being quite sure when the last time had been.

“Thought so. You very desperately need some fresh air” “I don’t have time for this!” He exclaimed, gesturing to the papers neatly stacked on the table. “Yes you do, these aren’t going to run away” He spoke, already shoving his coat at him. Reim only sighed, knowing it was no use to try and argue with the man once he’d set his mind on something. The sooner he gave in the sooner he could be back at his desk, and he couldn’t deny some fresh air would indeed help his concentration.

The sun was still high on the sky, shining brightly, yet the freezing cold of this winter day was merciless. Reim shuddered slightly at the breeze hitting his skin where it was exposed, pulling his coat tighter around him. Just what was Break up to this time? His question was soon answered when Break dragged him to a nearby lake, pulling skates out of nowhere, accompanied by his stupid grin. For a moment Reim was truly speechless. A second later his mood changed to wanting to wipe the foolish smile from Break’s face. “No. Absolutely not. That is not happening. Not in a million years” He started arguing, desperation obvious in his voice. Break didn’t even have to say anything as Reim stared at the frozen lake in front of them, his mind going a million miles an hour trying to come up with an excuse. “Who is gonna do your paperwork if I break my neck?” Was the response he settled on, the only one that could possibly have any effect on Break. Yet his hopes were crushed when he noticed how his smirk was unchanged. “What? Are you scared?” Oh no, he had been wrong. His expression had changed, the smug grin on his face telling him there was no way to get out of this. He had lost this fight before it had even started.

“Of course not!” If he would back down now, he would never hear the end of it. He grabbed the skates from Break, putting them on against his better judgement. How did he even know his size?

Break too had slipped the shoes on and was already waiting on the ice by the time Reim was finished. Sometimes he couldn’t help but be impressed how despite losing his sight he was still so light-handed, having put on the shoes much faster than him, and he was still more graceful than Reim could ever hope to be.

Carefully Reim stepped on the ice, silently praying Break had at least made sure it was thick enough to carry them. With unsteady feet he made his way over to him, who of course chose to slide away just before he reached him. Reim bit his lip to keep himself from trying to beg him to stop. Although he wished he could hold onto him to steady himself he knew the other would never let him live that down. He might have been doing everything in his power to force his knees not to shake, but he did have his pride too.

While Reim was trying his hardest to keep himself standing, Break was gliding over the ice as if he had never done anything else. Soon he gave up on his clumsy attempts to watch the other move with a grace only few possessed. He remembered the many times various people, including himself, had failed at teaching him how to dance, if only they could see him now. Watching him draw pirouettes on the ice, a rare, genuine smile on his face, Reim felt something tug at the strings of his heart. He seemed so lost in the moment, until he noticed that he was the only one moving.

“Come on now! You were supposed to skate with me, not stand around and gawk!” “I… I can’t” “What do you mean you can’t?” Reim swallowed, nervousness creeping up his spine. Was it a good idea to admit to Break that he had no idea what he was doing? Probably not. But what else was he supposed to do? “I can’t skate” “Oh!” It was as if it had never even occurred to Break that he might the only one of them to possess this skill. “I’ll teach you then!” He exclaimed rather excitedly, joining Reim at his spot and grabbing his hands to guide him. Reim was very much caught off guard by this, yet he couldn’t deny he welcomed the touch, innocent as it may have been.

It took a while, yet slowly but surely Reim grew steadier on his feet and even started to actually enjoy himself. It helped a lot of course, to see Break so seemingly carefree for once. Being part of this, he decided, might just be worth risking his own wellbeing. “Where did you even learn to skate like this?” He couldn’t help but wonder, his curiosity getting the best of him. As soon as they had left his lips he already regretted the words, when Break’s smile fell, a frown replacing it. “Forgive me. I shouldn’t have asked” Reim was just about to let go of his hands, feeling like he had overstepped and Break would surely want his space now. Yet he didn’t allow him to let go, tightening his own grip. “It’s fine.” He forced the smile back on his lips, but for Reim it was easy to see it was a fake one, just like he could see the sadness still hidden deep in his eye. “It was in a different life” Was the only explanation he got, and it was the only one he needed. Reim understood and he knew not to press the matter any further.

Not wanting to speak of it any longer, Break skated further out onto the lake, dragging Reim along with him, who couldn’t deny he had a terrible feeling about this, still not quite trusting the ice under his feet. He kept urging Break to turn back around but he wouldn’t have any of it. Their distance to the shore grew and so did Reim’s uneasiness. Until he eventually decided he’d had enough.

It was nothing new Break wouldn’t listen to him trying to be the voice of reason and he would forever ridicule him for it, but at this point he feared for his safety more than anything. “That’s far enough! I’m turning around.” He forced his voice to sound as sure of himself as possible and attempted to stop. What he hadn’t considered though was that despite improving a lot in the past few hours, his ice-skating skills still weren’t quite enough for this maneuver. In his panic he reached for Break’s arm, but all that achieved was that he dragged him down with him, as the sudden movement had even caught him by surprise.

His back painfully hit the ground, the weight of the other falling on him knocking the air out of his lungs. So much for breaking his neck out here. It took him a second to realize Break lying on him wasn’t the only thing he felt. His eyes shot open. His face was close, far too close and his lips touched his own. Reim felt as if his heart had stopped only to then continue beating at a pace that should have most likely killed him. Before he could process what was happening Break swiftly got back onto his feet again. “Oh my, how clumsy of me” He chuckled, seeming as innocent as ever.

Reim didn’t manage to sputter out a single word, his only relief that the other couldn’t see just how bright red his face must have been, as he laid there motionless on the ice. He should have been getting up, but this body wouldn’t listen to him. “Now, now, Mister Reim, there’s no reason to be so flustered here, it was just a silly little accident.”

Where once there had been a rosy blush on Reim’s cheeks he must have now been as pale as a sheet. Of course Break could tell. Just because he didn’t see him turn red as a tomato didn’t mean he couldn’t sense his discomposure.

A hand was stretched out towards him, presumably to help him up. Once he had collected himself at least a little, he gladly took it, fearing he would freeze to the ground if he stayed down there any longer. “Come now, I think this was enough for today, before you really do break your neck”

It was a rare occurrence but for once he had to agree with Break. After all it had gotten quite late, the sun slowly disappearing from the horizon. In addition to that Reim was getting cold too, the landing on his behind hadn’t exactly helped with that either. What he needed right now was a nice, hot bath.

Yet he would be lying if he tried to deny that it had been quite fun after all. There was no harm in leaving his desk and enjoying himself every now and then. But no matter how much he told himself that he was far more relaxed now, he couldn’t ignore his still racing heart. He could blame it on the physical exertion, sure, or he could admit that the accidental kiss was still occupying his mind and making it impossible for him to calm down.

That thought was keeping him so distracted he barely noticed how Break had followed him to his room, immediately plopping down at his desk and reaching for the box of candy. “And just what do you think you’re doing?” He questioned as he watched the first piece of his emergency stash disappear between his lips. “What does it look like I’m doing?” “You could at least wait till I’m in the bath before you started stealing my candy” “But it’s much more fun like this. Besides, it’s not like you won’t know it was me.” Reim sighed, he truly was a hopeless case. “You should take a bath too, before you get a cold.” “Yes, yes, I will” He mumbled, more candy disappearing in his mouth, as he waved a hand, or at least a sleeve, at Reim to shoo him out of his own room.

A little while later Reim was finally sitting in the filled bathtub, his hopes of being able to eventually calm down slowly returning. Yet the kiss was still haunting his mind, no matter how much he tried not to think about it. It had been in accident. Nothing more. It was a waste of time to dwell on it.

Closing his eyes and leaning back his head, he tried to concentrate on calming his breathing, the steaming hot water helping him clear his mind. So focused, he didn’t even hear the door open, didn’t hear the footsteps coming closer. He only noticed he wasn’t alone when he heard the water sloshing around and somebody stepped into the tub to join him.

He nearly screamed, not far from jumping out of the tub. Instead, he backed up as much as he could, pulling his legs towards his chest. The abrupt movement caused the water to spill over, but that was the least of his worries now. His vision was blurry and his glasses out of reach, yet after a few seconds he was able the make out the head full of white hair. “Xerxes? What in the world are you doing?” “You told me to take a bath too. I thought we could save some water.”

Desperately trying to calm his racing heart he hugged his legs, his knees as close to his chest as his flexibility allowed, trying to take up as little space as physically possible. Saving water? What in the world was he talking about? Just what had gotten into that crazy head of his now? He stared at the man lounging at the opposite end of the bathtub in disbelief. “What’s wrong?” Break questioned, still keeping up his act of pure innocence. To his own surprise, Reim was still capable of speech. “Did you really just ask me what’s wrong?” “Yes? Can I not be worried about my friend? You really should learn to relax a little.”

Was he serious? Well, obviously not. Break was rarely ever serious. But this seemed a bit extreme, even for his standards.

Reim didn’t get much of a chance to regain his composure when Break changed his position. He had moved so fast, the water was sloshing around, spilling some more. Not that it mattered as it joined in on the puddles already collecting on the floor. Either way Reim didn’t get any time to worry about the condition of his bathroom. Break was in front of him on his knees before he even realized what was happening. Not that he could have done much about it as he was completely frozen when long, gentle fingers grazed his skin, before coming to a halt under his chin. “Xerxes, what…” He never got to finish his sentence when the other leaned closer, lips pressing softly against his, making him swallow his words. Whatever he had wanted to say quickly was forgotten anyway as his mind went blank.

Maybe he did break his neck out on the lake and die, because this couldn’t really be happening. He had dreamed of moments similar to this too many times to believe it to be true.

The kiss barely lasted for a second but it was more than enough to completely wreck Reim’s ability to form a coherent thought or at least what little was left of it at this point. “What…” He tried to speak, yet shut up again immediately, unsure of what he was planning to say anyway. How could he even begin to make any sense of this?

Break leaned back a little, a self-satisfied grin on his face. He was still much too close, yet the distance was enough for Reim to at least remember how to breathe. “What? You really thought I didn’t know about your little crush on me? You think I’m daft?” It was then that all color drained from Reim’s face. He knew? “N…no. I just…you… you don’t mind?” “I don’t mind at all. In fact, I think I quite like it” “Oh” was all he was capable of as a response. Slowly it dawned on him, the things that were right in front of him, yet he had been too blind to see.

That… kiss outside. That wasn’t really an accident, was it?” Break chuckled, a small smile on his lips, and the faintest hint of a blush on his cheeks. Surely it was only the heat of the bathwater, Reim told himself. And besides, he didn’t have his glasses on, there was always the chance he just wasn’t seeing things right. “You really think I’d be so clumsy?”

Reim was still unable to process the words he had just heard and the fact that this man he adored so much had just kissed him twice. Despite it all, he did finally manage to relax a small bit, feeling less like he was on the brink of a heartattack any moment now. At least as long as he didn’t think too much about the situation they were currently in.

However, Break didn’t make it exactly easy for him. The position Reim was in was growing increasingly uncomfortable and he felt safe enough to stretch out his legs once more, yet as soon as he did Break decided to move again. If Reim hadn’t already thought he was dead or dreaming before, he definitely did now, when Break chose to settle in his lap.

“My, how I wish I could see your face right now. You’ve probably never looked quite so aghast.” Shocked he was indeed, but that didn’t prevent him from hearing the hint of sadness in his voice. “Xerx…” “Shush. Don’t think about it. I’m fine.” Reim didn’t believe a word he said, yet chose not to press any further, afraid he’d scare him away if he did. He wouldn’t know what to do if he left now, after all that had just happened.

Hesitantly his hands moved to Break’s hips, barely daring to touch him, afraid he’ll suddenly vanish and it did turn out to be a dream after all. “This… this is really happening, isn’t it?” “Oh I know I’m too good to be true, but you might as well believe it.” Only Break could be so unbearably smug about this. However, only one look at this face told Reim all he needed to know. He was just as nervous as him, simply using his usual, insufferable self to try and hide it. Badly. Nevertheless, it was more reassuring to Reim than anything he could have told himself to put his mind at ease.

Still, his mouth was far too dry as he forced the next words over his lips. “Can I kiss you?” Break’s eye opened wide with surprise and he hesitated to answer for a moment. Thinking he had gone too far now, Reim was already about to backpedal. He shouldn’t have asked. He should apologize. He should say something at least, before he made this even worse. But he didn’t get the chance. A soft smile was back on Break’s lips when he spoke. “I suppose it is your turn now.”

Reim tried to swallow down his fear, yet it didn’t seem to help much. His hand was nearly shaking as he moved to place it on Break’s cheek, only calming down a little when he leaned into his touch, closing his eye, as if the tiny gesture was already more than he could have asked for. Reim took a moment to take in his features, his expression more at peace than he had seen in a long time. Possibly more than he had ever seen.

Slowly, ever so slowly he leaned closer to him. Reim didn’t remember the last time he had been so nervous, his heart pounding in his chest as if it was trying to break free. He was close enough to feel Break’s breath on his skin, close enough for his scent to cloud his mind, drawing him in even more. Yet the distance between them seemed nearly impossible to surpass.

Reim shut his eyes tightly and closed the small gap, before he got a chance to chicken out again. The other kisses had caught him off guard, but this time he was prepared, or at least as prepared as he could have been. Break tasted impossibly sweet, but what else had he expected? Yet there was something else too, something that was so unmistakable him. He got so lost in how Break’s lips moved against his, how his arms found their way around his neck, his fingers curling into his hair, until he was painfully reminded he had to breathe. His burning lungs forced him to pull back, already regretting it when Break let out a pained whimper at the loss of contact.

He leaned his forehead against Break’s, his hand falling back down to his hip, his hold a bit more confident now, as they were both trying to catch their breath. Break was the first to speak again, chuckling to himself. “I’ve been waiting for this for so long.” Reim grew stiff. He was aware Break had wanted this, he had made that clear enough, but for him to actually say it out loud? That was a whole different story.

“Why’d you never say anything?” The sudden change of mood in the room was nearly suffocating, already making Reim regret his question, and even without Break moving he could feel the distance that had promptly appeared between them. “I didn’t think you could possibly feel the same way about me” “How could I not?” He wanted to say more, but the words seemed stuck in his throat. Break on his lap suddenly seemed so much smaller, so much more fragile than he was just moments ago. His hand wandered to the seal on his chest, the mark left from a past life, absentmindedly rubbing it. “I am not a good man Reim” He dug his nails into his chest, as if he wanted to rip of the skin there. His expression was filled with indescribable pain and horror as thoughts about his past raced through his mind. Reim was afraid he would draw blood if he kept going like this, violently scratching at the mark, wanting to tear it clean off.

“Forget it, I should have never done this.” “Xerx, wait!” He tried to get up, to flee, but Reim’s grip on his hips tightened and pulled him back towards him. The fear in his eye nearly broke Reim’s heart. How afraid he was of being judged for his past, even by him. How afraid of rejection. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how much willpower it must have taken him to even come in here, his playfulness simply a facade to try and hide his fear. Just how much Reim wished he could take away his pain.

Reim’s voice was soft and gentle as he spoke again. “Please, don’t go.” Grabbing the hand on Break’s chest he loosened the fingers still viciously digging into his skin one by one, before intertwining them with his own. “It’s alright. It’s just me. I’ve seen it before and I’ve long made up my mind. I don’t care what you did or who you once were.” He didn’t know if his words had any impact and there was so much more he wanted to say, but he was still unsure if he even wanted to hear it.

So he did the only thing he thought was right. One hand still holding Break’s, he wrapped his free arm around his shoulders, pulling him towards him. His grip tightened when he felt him trembling against him, and he let go of the hand in his to wrap his other arm around him too. After a while he finally felt Break’s arms find their way around him too, holding onto him like a man drowning. “Xerx, you fool” He whispered into his hair, holding him so tightly he could practically feel his heartbeat against his own chest. Hoping for it to calm him down he started rubbing soothing circles on his back, Break still shaking in his embrace.

Eventually, he did stop. Only Reim wasn’t sure if he had calmed down or if he had simply exhausted himself. Before he could agonize over it any further Break spoke up, his voice timid, so different from anything Reim was used to. “Reim?” “Yes? Are you alright?” “Yes, yes… it’s just…” Break’s grip on him tightened a little, his body pressing into him. Was he really okay? What could be wrong? What did he miss?

“It’s getting cold” Reim let out a sigh of relief. He had been so worried about Break’s wellbeing, he hadn’t even noticed the steady drop of the water’s temperature. Only now did he see the goosebumps appearing on his pale skin. So much for a nice hot bath to warm themselves up. “You’re right. We should get out.”

After they had dried themselves off Reim couldn’t help but notice just how tired Break looked, a shadow appearing under his eye, which he seemed to be struggling to keep open. He had given him one of his shirts, since of course Break hadn’t planned any further than getting into the bath with him and didn’t have any spare clothes with him. Besides, Reim’s shirt was quite a bit too big on Break and he would be lying if he said he didn’t like how he looked in it.

As he was rubbing Break’s hair dry with a towel, his own, shorter hair having long dried, he looked as if he was going to fall asleep right then and there, the soothing touch adding to his exhaustion. “You’re staying” Reim managed to get out, clinging to any bit of courage he could muster, his heart ready to jump out of his chest again, just from forcing those two words over his lips.

To his surprise Break didn’t argue at all, didn’t even answer with some stupid joke of his. He really must have been tired.

Finally it was time to settle into bed, which in Break’s case meant falling face first into the pillows. At least he had had the sense to remove the blanket first instead of falling onto it too. Despite the late hour and his own exhaustion Reim’s courage seemed to have left him again and he stood next to his bed, unsure of what to do. What was he waiting for? What’s the worst that could happen? The man was already half asleep anyway.

Swallowing the lump in his throat he did force himself to get in next to Break, which immediately paid off as he cuddled into him. Hearing Break’s tired sigh as he clung to the fabric of his sleepshirt and buried his face at his chest, he couldn’t help but be reminded of a happy kitten and he chuckled at the thought. “What’s so funny?” He heard a tired voice. Seemed like he was more awake than Reim had thought, but judging by his tone that wouldn’t be the case for much longer. “You’re surprisingly docile when you’re tired.” Break’s answer to that was accompanied by a tired groan and he hit him with an overlong sleeve, yet without any force behind it. “Mmh, shut up.”

His answer made him chuckle once more, looking fondly at the man in his arms, knowing very well how rare it was for Break to let down his defenses like this. Thinking about it, he had never seen him quite so at ease.

“By the way, it’s not just a little crush. I love you Xerx.” The words were over his lips before he could think too much about it, now this must have really been his last bit of courage for the day. Maybe Break was already asleep he thought. He hoped.

But he had been wrong. He felt the body against him tense up. His mind was already scrambling to find an excuse, some sort of explanation as to why he had said that. Of course, he had said it simply because it was the truth, but that might have been too much for one day. Had he ruined it all now? Had he ruined it, because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut?

Before his mind could decide on an apology though, Break seemed to relax against his chest again. There were words mumbled into the fabric of his shirt, barely audible, yet Reim heard them loud and clear, the words he never thought he’d hear from him.

In the time it took Reim to process that he really had just heard him say that and he wasn’t just imagining things, Break had dozed off. Reim on the other hand was sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep for a long while, if even at all. Too much had happened today. Who would have thought this morning that tonight he would lie in bed with Break, soundly asleep, in his arms? Only a day ago he had barely dared to dream about it. Yet here they were now and he wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

[rainyswriting]

Regrets - Break x Reim (Pandora Hearts)

Summary: Break is gone and Reim regrets the things he never said

words: 413

___

Frustrated, Reim sat over his of paperwork, unable to concentrate. No matter how long he stared at it, the words seemed to make less and less sense to him. Yet there was nobody around anymore that he could blame his inability to focus on. The closet doors have stayed shut, the familiar crinkling of candy being unwrapped gone, no longer did any wrapping paper litter his office. The jar of sweets on his desk sat untouched since that day. He had always thought he wouldn’t mind some peace and quiet, but not like this. He would welcome the distraction from his work any day if it only meant he could have him back.

If only he hadn’t been such a coward and told him. It wouldn’t have changed his fate, wouldn’t have stopped him from being the reckless fool that he was, but at least he would have left this world knowing he was loved. And maybe, an egoistic little thought came to his mind, maybe he could have had at least a little time together with him.

But he was gone. Never to return. And too many words had been left unsaid.

A lone tear ran down his cheek and landed on the paper in front of him. He took off his glasses to try and wipe the oncoming tears from his eyes, but it was no use, they just kept coming. His vision blurry either way, he laid the glasses aside, burying his face in his hands as a sob shook his body. For the first time since Break was gone, he allowed himself to cry.

Up until now, he had tried to keep it together, mostly for Sharon’s sake. But now, in the lonesomeness of his office he felt the full impact of his loss for the first time and his grief hit him with full force.

He had always known it would be inevitable, yet had avoided thinking about what it would be like once he was actually gone. Not that he could have imagined anyway. Everything in his life felt empty without his presence there. Even his tears didn’t give him much relief as they were slowly coming to an end.

What he would give to see him one last time, to hear him laugh once more. He would gladly take on his workload, endure his antics and clean up his candy wrappers after him, he could be as unbearable as he wanted, if only he was here.

[rainyswriting]

Soft Evenings - Break x Reim (Pandora Hearts)

Summary: it was rare they got to enjoy a calm evening together, which made it all the more important to make the best out of it.

words: 822

___

The flames cast flickering shadows on their faces as they sat there on the plush carpet in front of the fireplace. Naked feet buried in the soft fabric, big blanket wrapped around the older man’s shoulders as he had been cold. Their hair was still moist from the bath they had just taken, which made the warmth of the fire all the more welcome.

The Hot Chocolate in their hands had barely cooled to a drinkable temperature, one’s more Marshmallow than liquid of course. There weren’t many things Xerxes loved more than these moments, one of the few being the man next to him. Reim too felt at peace like this, knowing they were both here together, safe and sound, if only for a few hours, but these hours were so very precious to him. As he watched the reflection of the dancing flames in the other’s eye, their warm glow painted on the messy white hair hanging in his face, he only fell deeper in love with him each passing second.

Break nearly spilled some of his drink when he felt a sudden tug on the blanket. “Would you mind sharing that?” came Reim’s voice, soft and gentle, a voice he could never say no to. Instead of simply pulling the fabric over his shoulders too though, he first removed it completely. Before Break could even utter a word of confusion he had moved to sit behind the older man and pulled the blanket over both of them. As arms wrapped around Xerxes he leaned his head against the other’s chest, letting out a satisfied hum. “This works too.”

Reim chuckled at this, but soon after a frown darkened his features, as he saw Break’s knuckles had turned white from grabbing the mug so tightly. Break pouted as Reim’s arms left his waist and moved to his arms, running down along them with soft, gentle touches, before he reached his hands, covering them with his own. “You’re still cold” “I’m fine” He felt the taller man behind him shake his head and grab his hands a little tighter. “Xerx…”

He shifted his weight, leaning against his lover a little more, entirely relaxed for once, and fully embracing the feeling of safety the other man gave him. With his head tipped back a little, Reim could see the content smile on his lips, the red eye closing as he spoke. “I’m fine now”

Reim too couldn’t help but smile, his thumbs caressing Break’s hands, noticing how even their vicious grip on the poor mug had softened a little as he had settled back. Reluctantly he let go of his hands but only to let his own wander back to Break’s waist again, embracing him once more.

He held him tightly as he buried his face in the other’s white hair, its softness surprising him again and again. It had finally dried and the familiar scent gave him a feeling of comfort, only ever feeling truly at home with Xerxes in his arms. He sighed. He never wanted to let go, wished they could just stay here like this for the rest of their days.

But evenings like this were rare and always far too short as the flames were slowly but surely dying down. All the more reason to wrap the blanket even tighter around them. They had switched positions a while ago, Break sitting sideways in between Reim’s legs, his own draped over the leg in front of him, his head laid on the taller man’s shoulder, their now empty mugs set aside. Reim’s hand was absentmindedly drawing circles on Break’s back, the other resting in the lap of the very same, enclosed by his own hands, while they spoke about a million nothings, exchanging soft and sleepy kisses every now and then.

It didn’t take too much longer though until Reim was the only one talking, Xerxes only mumbling responses every now and then, and soon not even that. Reim stopped mid-sentence when he noticed the soft snores coming from the other. The fire had completely burned down by now, only a gentle glow left between the ashes. Not wanting to wake him he picked Break up in his arms and carefully carried him to their shared bed. The blanket fell off his shoulders as he did so, but he chose to leave it on the ground. It would still lie there, waiting to be picked up, in the morning, but for now the man in his arms was his first priority.

Setting him down on the bed he crawled in beside him, grabbing the sheets to cover the both of them before pulling Break back into his arms. Even in his sleep he seemed to be snuggling closer, never quite getting enough of the other’s touch. Reim closed his eyes, breathing a silent ‘I love you’ into the soft white hair, he too drifting off to sleep soon after.

[rainyswriting]

Still Here - Break x Reim (Pandora Hearts)

Summary: There aren't many things Xerxes Break is afraid of, but one of them is losing the man sleeping next to him.

Words: 602

___

Blood. It was the first thing Xerxes saw. So much blood. He dreaded to find out whose it was. A few steps further, there was a body on the ground, an all too familiar silhouette. The lump in this throat growing, he kneeled down next to it, extending a shaky hand. It seemed as if it was already growing cold. Something was dripping on his hand, it took him a moment to realize it had been a tear, coming from no other than himself. A sob shook his whole form and he felt the urge to scream, but couldn’t seem to muster the energy to do so. Grabbing the body he pulled it towards him, wrapping his arms around it. “No. No, no, no” He kept repeating while his tears soaked the other’s hair. “Please, no”

With a gasp he sat upright, eye wide open, yet still surrounded by an all too familiar darkness. Hastily his hands searched the sheets until they felt the warm body next to him. He didn’t want to wake him, but he couldn’t help wrapping his arms around his sleeping lover’s form and pull him as close as possible when he laid back down. Nuzzling his face into the man’s chest and breathing in his scent he let out a sigh of relief as his heart slowly returned to a more normal pace. He was here. He was still breathing. Everything was alright.

That Xerxes hadn’t actually seen the seemingly lifeless body on the floor didn’t stop that day from haunting him, every waking moment and even in his dreams. His demons had a very vivid imagination and they loved to taunt him. Awoken by the sudden movement Reim stirred. “Xerx? What’s wrong? Why are you awake?” His voice still sleepy, yet Xerxes could hear the unmistakable worry in it. “It’s nothing. Go back to sleep” He didn’t know if he had sounded any different than usual, he had really tried not to, or what else had given it away. One of Reim’s hands came up to his face, his thumb gently wiping away a tear he didn’t even know had been there. “Talk to me” The white haired man slowly shook his head. “It was just a bad dream. Nothing you need to worry about.”

Again his thumb caressed the other’s cheek, the tears having dried by now. His eyes, as he gazed upon the other in the moonlit room, so full of love he couldn’t even begin to put into words. “You can’t cry into my chest and hold onto me like your life depends on it in the middle of the night and then tell me not to worry.” Slender fingers dug into Reim’s shoulders as he finished the sentence, the smaller man clinging to him as if he could disappear would he let lose for just a second. “I dreamed I had lost you.” The words mumbled against his skin were barely audible yet they hit him with a force he could have never imagined. His arms wrapped around Xerxes’ frame, holding him so impossibly close. Pressing his lips to the other’s crown, he shut his eyes tightly, his heart breaking a little trying to imagine what fear he must have woken up with.

“I’m here. I’m here with you and I’m not going anywhere.” They both knew that in the end they’d have no power over that, but for now this was enough. Reim’s breathing and his steady heartbeat were slowly drowning out the voices in Xerxes’s head. He was here. And he was alive. For now, that would have to do.

[rainyswriting]

ya bitch got herself an AO3 account now:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainywainybear

gonna repost most of my stuff there over the next few days.

I'm gonna keep posting here on tumblr too though!

[rainyswriting]

Animal Inside (Original Story) - Part two

wordcount: 2.8k warnings: a little blood, that's it I think?

___

“You turned, and went hunting. You have no control over your animal form, that’s why you don’t remember it. The deer was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.” It was true, he had been watching her ever since that day. He had run into her on her walk and felt her power. Usually he wouldn’t have thought too much about it, he did run into others among the humans every now and then, if it hadn’t been for the rage he also felt within her. A sure sign that she was about to turn against her will. He had followed her, keeping his distance, so to not raise any suspicions, but he had been too cautious and stayed too far behind it seemed, because he lost her. When he found her again the deer was already dead and she ran before he could stop her.

Since that day he spent his time lingering near her, not letting her out of his sight. On a few occasions he was close to stepping in but she had always managed to calm down in time thankfully. How would he have been able to explain appearing at her office? That was until last night, when the man threatened her friend. He had felt her anger and when he heard her growl he thought he was too late and she was going to rip the man apart. Luckily enough she had been so caught off guard by him that she forgot about her anger for a moment, which was enough for him to get the situation under control.

Fighting the human had been easy enough, he barely received a few scratches and that was only because he had gotten distracted by Riana and her friend leaving. Cursing he knocked the man out and followed them. He couldn’t let her get away this time, it was getting too dangerous and it was only a matter of time until she lost control again. When he stepped out of the bar he saw her waiting for a Taxi, but her friend was still with her. Sure, he could have said he wanted to check on them, wanted to make sure they got home safe, but how was he supposed to catch her alone? He disappeared into the alley where he had parked his motorbike. He had to get to her apartment before her at any cost.

Just barely did he manage to do so and now she was standing in front of him. Finally she had stopped eyeing the knife on the counter. Not that she could have actually harmed him, at least not as a human, but he wasn’t quite fond of being threatened. Now she was quiet, hadn’t said a word since he had told her what she was and his eyes were scanning her for any sign of a reaction. She seemed in shock, he couldn’t blame her. After all she had grown up among humans, probably had never even heard of shapeshifters existing until just now.

“I know this is a bit much”, he tried to calm her down. “A bit much?” it seemed as if she had finally found her voice again, “a bit much? This is absolutely crazy. Are you on drugs? I’m gonna call the police now.” She moved to grab her phone from her purse, not letting him out of her sight, and yet he was much too fast for her to react when he stepped closer and grabbed her arm that was reaching for the bag. A quick glance to the side told her she had lost now, he had placed himself between her and her knife. But seeing how fast he had reacted and stopped her she wasn’t sure she would have had a chance in the first place, even with the knife. “Who the hell are you?” He was way too close for her liking now, he was towering over her and she hated having to look up to a man. His dark eyes were searching her face, she wasn’t sure what he was looking for. Maybe fear? She wasn’t going to give him that kind of pleasure, not after the things that had been happening to her lately.

“My name is Samei. As you might have figured out by now, I’m a shapeshifter too. So will you listen to me now?”

She gave him a sceptic look. “Prove it”. He looked at her and scoffed. “I’m pretty sure you’d prefer not having a grown predator in your home.” “So, what then? I’m supposed to believe you, just like that?” “Listen, I’m not the most patient to begin with and your attitude isn’t helping. I know this is confusing and it might sound crazy to you”, he had let go of her arm when he started talking and she had quickly taken a few steps back, getting as much distance between them as possible. If she couldn’t get to her knife, she at least wanted the option to escape. He watched her closely. As much as she tried to hide her fear, while it might have worked on humans, it was obvious to him. Her eyes were darting across the room, searching for the safest way to get away from him, every now and then stopping at the knife that seemed hopelessly far away now. Running a hand through his dark, messy hair he sighed, forcing himself to sound as calm as possible. “And I know you’re scared. But I really don’t mean to hurt you. You need someone to teach you how to control this. I can help you, but you’ll need to at least try and trust me.” “But… I don’t even know you. How am I supposed to trust the stranger who broke into my home?” “That really wasn’t my best idea, was it? I don’t expect you to trust me right away, or come with me without a question. Hell, you being so naïve would probably be more annoying than putting up such a fight. But the longer you wait, the more dangerous it’ll become, for both you, and those around you.” With that last warning, he turned to leave.

Riana was left alone the process the information she had just received. A shapeshifter? What was that supposed to mean? She looked at her hands, before her inner eye still seeing the blood from the deer. Weirdly enough, she had to admit, it made sense. After collecting her thoughts, she checked the door, and every window in the apartment. Everything was closed and undamaged. Just how had he gotten in here? Never before had she felt so unsafe in her own home.

For the rest of the weekend she refused to leave her apartment, too scared of what might happen if she did, but she couldn’t hide forever. Duty called. So Monday morning she was sitting in her office again, though her mind was completely elsewhere. She had trouble concentrating and getting anything done. Somehow she managed to make the day go by, she was just ready to go home, when her coworker stopped by her desk. “Leaving already?” “Uh, yeah. I always leave around this time?” “Oh, I just thought since we’d been so busy you’d stay a little longer too, like most of the others. You know, we work together when there’s trouble.” Sure, like we worked together when you stabbed me in the back last week. She bit her tongue, stopping herself from speaking her mind. Always easily irritated by the woman her current situation wasn’t helping. “You know what, Karen? I’m actually not feeling too well, I think I might still be a little sick from last week. I should leave now.” She grabbed her bag, and was already on her way out the door, thinking she’d seen the last of her coworker, at least for today, but luck wasn’t on her side. “Oh that’s just excuses now, because you don’t want to help us. You could just say you don’t have time.” Riana was so close to snapping and she could feel she was getting dangerously close to her anger getting the best of her. “What’s it to you? Just leave me alone!” She practically growled. She had to get out of here. Fast. Thankfully the other woman seemed to be speechless for once and before she could recover and say anything else Riana was already out the door.

It had really been about time she got out of the office. Sprinting down the street she could already feel herself slipping, she had to get out of the city as fast as possible. Barely reaching the forest in time, she fell on her knees and let out a pained scream that quickly turned into a vicious growl. A moment later, she was gone, only her purse left behind. She didn’t hear the motorbike behind her, or the man cursing as he followed her into the woods.

Samei cursed at he stopped his motorbike and watched the animal disappear between the trees. They were nowhere near a path, therefore he couldn’t follow her on his bike. He had kept watching her after the day he had appeared in her home, knowing it was only a matter of time until she turned again. This wasn’t how he had planned it though. He had meant to be by her side when it happened, to make sure she couldn’t be of any harm to anybody and that she wasn’t seen. But he hadn’t gotten to her in time, and now she was on the run. People tended to take walks often in the forest near the city, and she had absolutely no control over her animal form, so he had to act fast. The risk was too great. Throwing his leather jacket over the seat of his bike he took off after her. Before he disappeared between the trees, the man was already gone, a large predator taking his place. As such, it was easy to follow her trail.

He found her not much later in the bushes surrounding a small clearing, where some children were playing. They were unaware of the danger they were in, actually moving closer to the bushes while chasing each other, their innocent laughter echoing through the forest. Just as she was about to jump at them, he reached her, launching his own body towards her and knocking her over. Her first instinct was to attack him, he had been hoping for her to redirect her aggression towards him, and he took off once more, luring her away from the children. Once they had gotten far enough he stopped in his tracks, turning to face her. She jumped at him and though she put all her anger into her attack she didn’t stand a chance. She was young and clumsy, blindly letting her rage control her actions, while he was an experienced fighter. It wasn’t long until she was on the ground and once the animal within her realized it had lost she turned back into her human form.

He had gotten off her when he realized she was turning back, trying not to scare her too much, but she still let out a scream when she turned around and saw the large black cat in front of her. Changing back within seconds his hand was on her mouth, stopping her from screaming again. Her gaze wandered down, seeming like she wanted to make sure it wasn’t still a claw. “Relax. It’s only me. I’m going to let you go now, but you have to promise me not to scream again.” She nodded weakly, he wasn’t sure if it was from exhaustion or if she was just scared. Probably a bit of both. He could have cursed himself, he really didn’t mean to scare her, but he had had to stop her somehow. Slowly he removed his hand, carefully watching her reaction, but she did seem calm enough. For a while, she didn’t say a word. Confusion was written on her face and she most likely simply didn’t know where to start.

“What… what just happened?” “You turned again, after you left your office. Something at work must have irritated you. I followed you, to make sure nobody would get hurt.” “And was it necessary? You had to stop me, didn’t you?” The fear in her voice was obvious, but she wasn’t scared of him, but rather of what she could have done. “Don’t do this yourself” “Did I harm anybody? Tell me!” “No, I got to you in time. Nothing happened.” “But if you hadn’t been here…” He nodded. She was silent again but you could see her thoughts were going a million miles an hour. Something deep inside of him felt bad for her. He could have just told her that nothing had happened. But then again, maybe this made her realize that she did need help to learn to control her power.

“Come on, I’ll take you home. We can talk there.” Her only reaction was a nod. After she had put up such a fight the first time they spoke, he couldn’t believe how quiet she was now. But after all she had probably just feared for her life when she saw him. That he wasn’t going to turn into a wild beast in the middle of her apartment had only been an excuse, he simply hadn’t wanted to scare her. Knowing somebody was a shapeshifter and having somebody actually turn into an animal in front of you were two completely different things after all.

He grabbed her arm, to pull her up, when she flinched. At first he thought he had simply grabbed her a bit too tight, until he saw the blood on her arm, and the claw marks. They weren’t deep and probably didn’t hurt too much, yet he couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt. “Come on”, he spoke once more, this time softer, “let’s go. Then I’ll take care of your wound too.”

By the time they had gotten out of the forest it was already dark. Riana had underestimated just how far in the woods they had been. When she saw his bike she stopped in her tracks. “You don’t expect me to get on that, do you?” “What, you want to walk?” He gave her a questioning look, while handing her the purse she had lost when she had turned. But no, she really didn’t want to walk, so reluctantly she got on the bike. “Hold on tight, I’ll drive carefully.”

He didn’t. She had thought she had been scared when she saw him before, but now she actually feared for her life. It felt like forever until they reached the building her apartment was in and she felt like kissing the ground when they finally did.

As she unlocked her door she couldn’t help but still wonder how the hell he had gotten in the last time. She grabbed some bandages from the bathroom to patch up her arm, but before she could get started they were taken from her. “Let me do this.” “You better. It’s your fault after all.” He scoffed. “It’s just a few scratches, you could have ended up much worse.” Watching him as he bandaged her arm she couldn’t help but notice he was surprisingly gentle and seemed to know what he was doing quite well. They sat like this for a while, until she couldn’t bare the silence anymore.

“So, you spoke the truth. You really are a shapeshifter.” “Yes, what gave it away? Was it the panther at your throat?” “Oh you’re a real jester, aren’t you?” Had she just closed her eyes for a split second, she would have missed the slight twitch in the corner of his mouth. This was the biggest reaction she had gotten out of him so far. “You better get used to it. You need me.” Just how was she supposed to deal with this guy? Even if he was her only chance to learn how to control her shapeshifting abilities, he was absolutely unbearable and apparently quite arrogant too.

“Alright, all done.” She looked at the bandage on her arm, it was perfect, no doctor could have done it any better. “Do you do this a lot?” “What do you mean?” “Treat wounds. It looks like you have experience.” “I’ve been in a fight or two, you got to know how to take care of your injuries.” He simply shrugged it off, but Riana couldn’t deny the feeling that he was hiding something.

“So what now?” She wondered. “What now? Now you have to tell me if you’re still willing to risk your and other people’s life, or if you trust me enough to come with me and let me teach you.” She looked at her feet, she had never been so unsure of something in her life. But did she really have a choice? He hadn’t lied to her about what he was, so surely he could teach her how to keep her other side in check too, right? No way in hell could she risk losing control again. What if the next time he wasn’t near to stop her?

“Fine. I’m coming with you. Just give me a minute to grab some things.”

[rainyswriting]

Animal Inside (Original Story) - Part one

wordcount: 2.7k warnings: blood, animal death, vomit, assault

___

She heard the sounds of the forest, a bird chirping, raindrops hitting leaves, somewhere further away a twig snapping. Inhaling the fresh air she couldn’t help but frown when she noticed it was mixed with something else. Opening her eyes, she looked at bloody hands. It took her a moment to realize they were hers. Another one to see the dead deer in front of her. Its blood was soaking the ground beneath it. Riana let out a shaky breath, her hands starting to tremble. A drop of blood fell and hit the ground in front of her feet. She took a step back, tried to swallow down the lump in her throat, turned around and simply started running.

Branches were hitting her in the face and getting caught in her hair, the rain soaking her through. Her lungs were burning from the cold air but she didn’t stop, not even when she left the small forest and reached the street. It was late at night, in a small town, even without the rain the streets would have most likely been empty. The street lights had been turned off already and while it wasn’t pitch black, in her panicked run she tripped and nearly fell a few times.

Finally reaching her apartment she slammed the door behind her, sliding down against it. Sitting on the floor she was trying to catch her breath, now feeling the full extent of the pain in her lungs. Her heart was pounding and she heard the blood rushing in her ears, so loud, she felt like her head was going to explode. Looking at her bloodied hands again she felt like she was going to be sick. She couldn’t look at it any longer yet she couldn’t turn her gaze away either. Forcing herself to get up she somehow managed to drag her body into the bathroom, to get herself cleaned up.

She felt like she was slowly starting to calm down, but that was only until she looked into the mirror and saw the blood on her face. Only now did she notice the taste of iron on her tongue that her mind had chosen to ignore before. Her eyes grew wide and she pushed herself away from the sink. Barely reaching the toilet in time she fell on her knees before her last meal came back up. Even though her eyes were tearing up she could still see that it was mixed with blood. Had she swallowed some too? The sight made her vomit again.

Her body was shaking, she didn’t know how long she had been on the floor, she only knew that her knees hurt like hell. But so did everything else. Forcing herself to move she flushed down the contents of the toilet, trying her best not to look at it again. Turning on the faucet she closed her eyes, hoping not seeing the blood would at least help a little. Never in her life would she have thought she would one day be thankful for the taste of vomit in her mouth, but at least it overpowered the blood. Nevertheless, the thought of how it had tasted lingered in the back of her head and sent a shiver down her spine. After brushing her teeth furiously she let out a sigh of relief. The blood was gone from her hands and her face and the taste of it was mostly gone too, barely more than if she had bitten herself. She shot a longing glance towards the shower but she had to be lucky if she could somehow drag herself to bed. Still shaking she peeled her wet clothes off, leaving them on the floor, before crawling under the blankets, but as soon as she closed her eyes, all she could see was blood. Exhausted as she was, she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not after what had happened tonight.

But what had even happened? She didn’t have the slightest clue. All she remembered was that it had been a terrible day. First she had messed up at work, had gotten screamed at by her boss. In the parking lot of her favorite grocery store someone had hit her car and left. And to top it all off the pizza she had ordered herself had arrived cold. In the end she decided to go and take a walk to get her mind off her shitty day. That was the last thing she remembered before opening her eyes and looking at her hands full of blood. She felt her stomach turn again at the thought. Just what had happened? What was going on with her? Maybe she should visit a doctor, but she wasn’t sure if they wouldn’t just tell her she was crazy.

The doctor’s visit couldn’t be avoided it seemed, as when she woke up the next morning it was with a terrible cold. She felt as if she was even more exhausted than in the evening. Who would have thought that was even possible? In addition to her cold she hadn’t gotten much sleep either. It was a surprise she had slept at all, but even when she did, she always saw the deer in her dreams. With a groan she rolled around, looking at her phone. Her alarm had just gone off, but there was no way she could drag herself to work.

A few days had gone by, Riana had recovered from her cold and was back to work, currently listening to her coworker’s rant. They were quite annoying, it didn’t help that they had been the reason for her getting trouble with her boss in the first place. Trying her best to ignore them and concentrate on her work she felt an anger flare up within her that she had never known. Lately though it seemed all too familiar and while she hadn’t gotten any answers that would help with her condition yet, she knew that this anger was often followed by waking up in a different place with no memory of what had happened. She quickly got up and excused herself, before disappearing in the company’s bathroom and locking herself in. Despite not having a clue what was going on with her, she did have a feeling she had to calm herself down, or whatever it was that happened with her whenever she lost her memory would happen again. Besides her anger, her heart was pounding with fear, which didn’t help at all, yet slowly but surely she managed to calm her racing pulse and the rage faded away. Exhausted she sat on the closed toilet seat, running a hand through her hair. A headache was approaching and she was close to tears. What was happening with her? She was so confused, and terrified, of whatever this was. She needed answers. And she needed them fast.

Later that night, while going out with some friends, she couldn’t help but have a feeling this was a terrible idea. And yet, with a drink in hand, she already felt much better. Maybe she could forget about how weird this was, at least for a few hours. Soon she was laughing and drinking like nothing ever happened or at least she tried to convince herself of that, rather than drinking because of what had happened. The peace didn’t last for long however, as one of her friends was approached by a man, who wouldn’t take no for an answer. She tried to step in, defending her friend, but the man shoved her aside and grabbed her friend’s arm. Her friend was fighting back too, but the man was much stronger and she didn’t stand a chance. When Riana tried again to get him away from her friend she hesitated for a second, feeling her anger come back. No! Not now! She scolded herself. Now was the worst time for this to be happening. Her friend needed her! She heard a growl behind her and turned around confused, but there was nobody there. No, it hadn’t come from behind her, it dawned on her. She had been the one growling. Her only hope was that the music was too loud for anybody to hear her. She had to get out of here as fast as possible, but she couldn’t possibly leave her friend behind like this!

All of a sudden she too was grabbed and for a second she thought it must have been a friend of the man bothering her friend. But whoever had grabbed her pulled her behind him, before grasping the other man’s arm. “Hey! Leave the girl alone, dipshit.” The guy turned around, obviously not too happy about the interruption. “What? What’s it to you man? There’s enough girls here, piss off. She’s mine.” “Yeah? Seems to me she has a different opinion about that.” Riana’s friend had used the distraction to get out of the man’s grip and hide behind her defender too. It seemed as if the other man had completely forgotten they were even there, he was too pissed off by a stranger seemingly ruining his evening.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Riana grabbed her friend’s hand, who still seemed a little shaken up. The girl only nodded, her face pale as a ghost. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.” Riana didn’t want to admit that she too wanted to get out of the bar as fast as possible. Maybe some fresh air would help her relax. “But what about...” Her friend looked at the stranger who had stepped in to help them, the two men were still arguing and it looked as if a fight would break lose any moment now. “He looks like he can handle himself, come on, I need some fresh air too.”

The cool night air did in fact help her calm down and they called a taxi to get them home, because neither of them felt like walking home right now. Once the tension was gone they were laughing and joking again, talking about what had just happened as if it had already been long ago and nearly forgotten. It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened after all and it probably wouldn’t be the last either, though usually they were able to defend themselves and didn’t need any help. At least not from a man. Other women were much more likely to step in and have each other’s backs. Which probably was the main reason they were talking about their protector now, and Riana rolled her eyes when her friend mentioned how cute he had been. No matter how much danger she was in, there was always time to check out guys it seems.

The taxi stopped in front of Riana’s home and she said goodnight to her friend before it drive off once more. The driver was a woman too, so she wasn’t too worried about sending her friend on her way alone. As many times before the light in the corridor was broken and she sighed as she made her way towards the stairs with the help of her phone. She hadn’t gotten far when a noise made her stop in her tracks and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She turned around, shining her phone’s flashlight down the hallway. “Hello? Is anybody there?” It was dead silent. Was she imagining things now? She must have still been a little paranoid from the incident at the bar.

Only once she was in her apartment and the door closed behind her did she feel a little better. Placing her purse on the kitchen counter she went to grab herself a glass of water. The thought of going to bed crossed her mind, but they had left the bar a lot earlier than planned and it wasn’t that late yet. As she sat the now empty glass down next to the sink she heard another noise behind her, sounding like footsteps. This time she was sure she wasn’t imagining it and whipped around, letting out a yelp as she saw the dark figure standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the livingroom. Quickly she grabbed a knife from the counter, fidgeting for the switch of the ceiling light which she hadn’t turned on earlier.

“Who the hell are you? What are you doing here? What do you want from me?” Maybe turning on the light had been a mistake, as she felt very vulnerable while her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, but it seemed like the stranger had the same issue. When she could finally see clear again the figure stepped out of the doorway into the light and for a moment she thought her eyes were playing a trick on her. It was the man from the bar, not the one who had attacked her friend, but the one who had stepped in and protected them. What was he doing here? And more importantly: how the hell had he gotten in here?

“Relax. I don’t mean you any harm. I’m here to help you.” “Help me? And what could you possibly help me with?” Her knuckles had turned white from grabbing the knife so tightly and whatever he was planning to do with her, she was absolutely ready to fight him to the death. He raised his hands to show her they were empty. “Put the knife away please, I’m unarmed.” “No! First you tell me what the hell you want.” He sighed, and tried to sound as harmless as he could. “As I said, I’m here to help you. You’ve had some weird things happening to you, haven’t you? I’m sure you have a lot of questions, and I have answers for you. But first you have to put down the knife.”

Riana relaxed a little but still refused to let go of the knife. “Tell me what you know and I might consider putting it away.” “I really don’t mean to harm you, I want to help you, okay?” “Says the man who broke into my home.” “Fine, I know how this looks, okay? But you need help, and I had to act fast before anybody got hurt. Though the guy at the bar kind of deserved it, if only he had known what kind of danger he was in.” “What? What are you talking about? What danger?” “You. What do you think killed the deer in the forest when you woke up with your hands full of blood?”

Mentioning the deer brought back memories she had been trying to suppress and she started feeling nauseous. Swallowing down the lump in her throat she tried to force her voice to sound steady. “How… how do you know about this?” “I’ve been watching you. Making sure nobody gets hurt.” Riana’s defenses were slowly crumbling and she lowered the knife, but not letting go of it yet. “Why would I trust you?” “What choice do you have? Sooner or later you’ll hurt somebody, maybe even somebody close to you. You have nothing to fear from me, I only want to help you. So will you please put down the knife? Then I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

Finally she did put it back on the counter, but made sure it was still in reach. It seems the man decided that was good enough for him because he too seemed to relax. “Alright. If you know so much, I want answers. Now.” “You’re very demanding for someone who has no clue what’s going on, you know that, right? What do you think happened?” “I don’t know. I only know my face and my hands were smeared with blood, I don’t remember anything that happened before that. I…” She swallowed, barely able to say the next words. “I must have killed it, somehow. But I don’t know how, or what brought me to do that. I mean, how could I have done that?” There was a pause for a few seconds, in which neither of them spoke a word. It was dead silent in the apartment, and when the man spoke once more she flinched. If it was because of his voice or the words he spoke, she wasn’t sure.

“You’re a shapeshifter.”

[rainyswriting]

Story Announcement!

yoo 

so I already mentioned that I might be posting an original story of mine soon and I think I’ll actually do it. (once I can think of a title, ha)

it’s about a young woman who’s had a rough couple of days to say the least, topped of by a stranger appearing in her apartment, telling her she isn’t human. he helps her learn more about herself and gain control over her new found abilities, while he too carries an unknown burden. 

[rainyswriting]

idk if y'all care or not but I might fuck around and start posting an original story of mine.

[rainyswriting]

for the first time in years I’m planning to write for one of my original ideas, but hey how about I take 3k words of notes instead of actually writing it? 

[rainyswriting]

All the traffic to you santa cruz fics is probably coming from a fandom that's currently thirsting after johnny 😂

well to be fair I can't blame them for that, Johnny has always been my fave too 😂

[rainyswriting]

I see a lot of people liking my Santa Cruz fics again and I just wanna make one thing clear: I am NOT going to write for them again. Ever. 

So don’t fucking get your hopes up

[rainyswriting]

me, reading my own stories: what a load of bullshit

[kaelio]

A persons fanfic tells you a lot about them, i , a fanfic writer, realize in terror

[staarshines]

new ask game: give me an extremely specific assumption you have about me based off of my fanfic. go.