Shedletsky finds himself to be in quite the twist of denial when he discovers his feelings may be something that he used to suppress – especially when that realization stemmed from a previous, heated encounter with his best friend, Builderman.
“ Why.. Why, has he always been this way? He doesn’t know. He always thought other guys were cool, of course. But, he never found himself staring at other men as much as he did with Builderman. “
TAGS / WARNING, THIS FIC INCLUDES: Realization Of Feelings, Denial Of Feelings, Internalized Homophobia, Sexual Tension, Romantic Tension, Awkward Tension, Suggestive Themes, Kissing, Cuddling, Biting, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, and more.
Mature audiences intended. If you're uncomfortable with these themes, DO NOT READ. Thank you!
Quick AN; this is a one-shot, as well as a continuation of my other Buildershed fic titled "Just Shut Up." You can find it on my profile (or on AO3 and Wattpad), but you are NOT required to read it to understand reading this! That's the reason why I didn't include this as a separate chapter in the other one. You can choose to pretend if this is canon or not to the other storyline.
Sunlight beamed through the crystalline windows of the HQ, rays of gentle sunshine plastering beautifully against the white, marble floor. It was a fairly normal day outside; the weather wasn’t too cold or too warm, the faint whisper of the wind felt just right against everyone’s skin, and the smell of fresh food brushed against every corner; the streets bustling calmly. Nobody seemed to be in a rush, with many Robloxians cogging up friendly chit-chat – the air felt tranquilizing, putting all the townsfolk into a good mood. It was just a nice, relaxing, peaceful day in the city. Even the normally exhausted workers at Roblox HQ were working at a slower pace, the visitors talking rather quietly today; a mutual share of serenity between every one in the building, even the ones doing customer service.
Well, maybe to everyone except a certain somebody. A certain, familiar administrator, sitting at his cubicle, his yellow fingers gently occupying the every click of his mouse, his brows tense.
Normally, Shedletsky would be the one overly happy all the time, unnervingly chill or unbothered by everyone and everything - but for what felt like the first time in forever, he was completely silent.
Everyone was so wrapped up in the rare lick of kindness being passed around the city that none of the admins stopped to question why Shedletsky didn’t yelp an obnoxious HELLO entering the building this morning. Instead, he chose to ignore the others and made a straight bee-line toward his office, not even sparing a dime of a glance to anyone he passed.
His eyes squinted with concern, rolling nervously over the open tab on his delicately whirring computer. He felt the heat building up in his skin, the embarrassment eating him alive.
As he clicked the small ‘next’ button on the questionnaire plastered on his work’s computer screen, he couldn’t help but feel like a complete dunce. He’d rather be doing anything else with his time, but he was actively being eaten alive by his own curiosity. He couldn’t help it, not after what happened a few nights ago. That situation in Builderman’s office.. The reminder sent an anchor barreling toward the bottom of his stomach, hitting him in the abdomen like a wrecking ball.
Yeah, Builderman. That guy. His best friend, his boss.. Now, he wasn’t.. exactly sure what Builderman was anymore. He wasn’t even sure what he was himself.
After the incident, both him and Builderman had been distant. The most that they’ve done to communicate was drop off papers and give small waves by a simple flick of their hand.
So, clearly Builderman wasn’t mad, but now everything felt awkward.. Neither of them had made much of an effort to talk things over.
Every time Shedletsky saw Builderman now, he couldn’t act normal. He couldn’t focus when the only thing he could feel when they locked eyes was the way his neck tingled when-.. When Builderman..
His other hand went up and held the side of his face, letting molecules of nerve-ridden sweat run over his palm as he hid his burning, disappointed face from the rest of the world. Despite being in the comfort of his own, secluded office, he couldn’t help but feel too paranoid to finish that thought. He clicked ’next’ again.
As he let out an inaudible sigh, his brain thought a million pasts at the same time. One side of his head was replaying last night like it was an annoying, catchy song. But, instead of lyrics, it was the whispers and quiet praise falling from Builderman’s dry lips, pressing against his neck like a suction cup. Instead of an album cover, it was a beautifully painted picture of Builderman’s hand against his mouth, burned into his raging mind like a tattoo.
The other side of his head was just a jumbled, undecipherable mess, an infinite train of sentences hitting him in the back of the neck and seeping through his skin like drops of lava against an ice block, making his flushed face an even deeper shade of orange.. – But, together, it all sang a rather open-ended question; ”what am I?”
Shedletsky felt so clueless and lost, as if he was human for the first time again. It made him feel so feeble and oblivious; the car of realization zooming down the road of his head, the fragile deer of his heart sitting and reluctantly accepting its fate. He clicked ’next’.
He couldn’t believe he was doing this, in an office of all places, going through a crisis because of Builderman of all people. Ugh- for ROBLOX’S sake!
He ran his hand further down his face, pulling at his bottom eyelid, letting out a soft groan as he neared the end of the survey.
He begrudgingly clicked ’next’, yet again.
Then, he clicked again, and again,
He paused, the speed of his finger getting slower and impossibly more calculated than it had already been. His skin went frigid as he selected his option for the last question.
His mouse hovered over the tiny button that now read ’proceed to results.’
Shedletsky silently cursed at himself, his breath hitching.
He’s never felt so humiliated before, the tension he created in his own cubicle was thicker than sitting on a stage in front of a thousand Robloxians.. Never in his entire life has he ever taken a test willingly to discover his OWN self.
He was always so sure of everything he liked or disliked, or was neutral about, or didn’t care about, or stood for, or didn’t stand for - he swore on his life he has never felt lost trying to research himself of all things.
Out of anything in the entire damn world, he should know everything about himself!
He loved himself, and he knew that pretty darn well!
.. but, as he stared idly at the taunting ’proceed’ button, he wondered what else he loved… something he’d never really given a true thought, until recently.
He cupped his hand over his own lips, holding his breath. He, finally, clicked ’proceed.’
…”fffff….” He pushed through his teeth, sucking on his own embarrassment as a short sense of horror shot through his gut, closing his throat up like a blocked water stream.
An image of a rectangular ratio cleared up a small portion of his screen, stripes of a chronological rainbow filling his vision and catching his attention. He swallowed heavily.
What especially caught his eye were the big bold letters above the flag, reading;
His voice was flat, but an underlying pinch of disbelief and unease sprinkled his tongue very clearly. It was evident on his cheeks, too, the color rising more as he stared at the screen, terrified.
Should he have lied, maybe pick more of those ’opposite gender’ options? Because.. He was supposed to get straight, right? Because.. He’s straight..
…No, what was he kidding? He was just called out by one of those stupid quizzes – it was probably made by some recluse middleschooler, too..
That felt like a kick straight to his face.
That he, apparently, WASN’T.
Shedletsky let out an entangled mumble, curling his hands into balls against his lips.
Seriously? Like, seriously.
For all this talk about love, he hated Builderman right now.
Was Builderman his awakening?
Or was he always like this?
It hurt his head just thinking about it.
He couldn’t believe he was so far down the rabbit hole that he was getting flustered over the result of an online quiz. Hell, it may even be completely inaccurate!
But he knew that wasn’t true.
The only reason why he took the quiz was to try and validate his feelings, to relate to something, to feel seen, and oh, did he feel a lot more than seen.
He felt watched, he felt violated, like he was being spied on.
Shedletsky stared at the tab, time momentarily freezing, leaving him alone with nothing but him and the billions of questions that laid across his mind.
One thought trailed from another, to another, to yet another.
Why was he here? Why was he doing this?
Why was he at the office, discovering this just now?
Why didn’t he ever consider this of himself before?
He should know everything about himself by now, he was far too old to be discovering this.
Was he weird for this? How unusual was it for someone his age to find out he was… gay.
Is it true? He couldn’t be.
Builderman is just an exception.
He’s never been gay. It’s just a crush.
In fact, why did he think this way about Builderman anyways?
Builderman is only supposed to be his best friend.
Builderman has tons of bad qualities, too. And yet, he couldn’t recall them.
Was he attracted to that? Was he attracted to his voice? His looks?
Maybe the way he dressed, or the way he looked in suits?
It could be the way he tapped his fingers against the table while concentrating,
maybe the way he’d sway his arms during meetings,
pointing to charts and graphs when, really, the only thing Shedletsky listened to was the unusually gentle tone laced within his words.
Maybe he was just starved of attention.
Though, maybe it was indescribable.
Builderman is so, just...
..He had it bad, didn’t he?
Shedletsky ran another hand down his face, shutting his weary eyes.
Shedletsky immediately jumped out of his seat in pure horror, his hand rushing away from his face to click at his cheap office mouse, the cursor hurrying to instantaneously close the tab that endlessly taunted him. Yeah, it was already bad enough that he had to look at it, but other people? No thanks.
Shedletsky heaved in harshly as he swiveled around in his chair, quickly spotting the culprit of whoever decided to enter his office without-
“Knocking? Wh- Why didn’t you..” He paused,
The irritation in his timid chords trailed off as he processed who exactly was standing there.
And those serene eyes, ghosting right back at him.
Shedletsky’s lungs halted harshly for a split moment.
He wanted to rip his skin off, it felt so hot in here.
Of course, who else would it have been?
Builderman stood stiff at the doorway of Shedletsky’s cubicle, his hand idly gripping the edge of the entryway as he peered into the workspace. He had a mostly neutral look on his face, but it was painfully obvious to the both of them how quickly the air had turned awkward.
Builderman stated simply. His tone was friendly, though Shedletsky felt anything but welcome.
Builderman’s throat went immobile as his eyes rummaged over the very clearly startled and embarrassed admin, the orange on his nose and cheeks looking rather vibrant.
Shedletsky tried way too hard to seem normal in that moment, the feigned nonchalance reeked from him shamefully, his attempt only adding to the tense atmosphere they had subconsciously contributed to creating.
Secretly, Builderman shared the mutual exhaustion of the distance. Afterall, he's tried multiple times to talk to Shedletsky.
..if trying to build up courage and then chickening out the second he saw even the slightest glimpse of the admin was considered trying,..
..then, yeah. He tried really hard.
“Hey.” Builderman greeted, keeping himself way more presentable than Shedletsky could, causing the admin to mentally curse out at himself for being so uncharacteristically fragile.
Shedletsky swallowed nervously, his eyes darting between Builderman and the view that tempted him devilishly; the rest of the HQ.
Oh, how he’d love to just run away right now. But, upsettingly so, that wasn’t really an option.
Shedletsky was desperate for a way out, but not desperate enough to cause a scene that would tarnish his reputation forever. It was an agonizing dilemma, and he partly wished he’d never done anything with Builderman that night.
Not that he didn’t like it, but now they were both paying the price of their reticence.
Builderman cleared his throat after a small second of rigid silence, sliding his hand off of the cubicle’s frame and crossing his arms into a semi-relaxed position. In reality, he was just trying to hug himself, the heat of his own arms being the only bodies that could reassure him.
“So, I came here to ask ya ‘bout the project. Are ya havin’ any trouble?”
He uttered gently. His gruff voice was sociable, but still sounded a little too customer-service-y.
With close attention, it was evident that he was still on edge. Shedletsky was terrorized over his well built act of tranquility. Though, despite being envious of how well the man was able to hold himself together, Builderman’s faked neutrality wasn’t built quite well enough for Shedletsky not to notice that Builderman was clearly uncomfortable just standing there.
Shedletsky looked down and felt his throat go dry, watching the way that Builderman’s hips swayed as he shifted on one of his feet. Damn it..
He wanted to bash his head into the nearest wall after registering just how obsessed he was with the man in front of him – He was probably about to be chewed out, yet he couldn’t ignore the warmth in his queasing gut. But, he swallowed it down as Builderman began to speak again, his small eyes darting to meet the other’s.
“Brighteyes said she had some issues with the.. Uh.”
Builderman delayed, his thoughts loading slow as he searched for the missing word in his occupied mind, feeling cumbersome from the weight of the atmosphere between them
“Ah, yes – there’s something wrong with the code, in..”
Builderman stopped again, his fingers trailing upward and gently corroding the side of his own face with the faintest of touch, his expression puzzled as he stared into nothingness. Shedletsky waited, his patience wearing on thin, twiddling with his sweaty thumbs despite wanting to jump out the window.
Builderman coughed out a sheepish laugh, hovering his fist over his lips as he nervously hid his brittle smile, “Dahh- I don’t know.”
Normally Builderman wouldn’t be so embarrassed about forgetting things, but every word that lingered between the two felt like a hot stamp straight to the neck – everything felt estranged. It almost hurt just to talk. Shedletsky huffed out a very, very forced laugh, just to come up with some sort of response. He hated looking like a sitting duck. Builderman spoke again,
“I’m sure ya can figure it out,”
Anticipation was choking the both of them, yet they didn’t know what they were waiting for.
“I ain’t caught up wit’ all that.. Computer stuff, anymore.”
Builderman waved his hand before letting it fall sadly down to his side, his fingers eventually finding the slightly - well.. barely comforting warmth of his jacket’s pocket. Builderman felt errant for lying, but he just couldn’t think straight. Of course Builderman was caught up with technology, that was his job. Shedlletsky found his claim suspicious, but kept his lips zipped.
Builderman wished he could curl up into his hard hat and never come out; Shedletsky didn’t feel so different.
Shedletsky could practically feel the sweat beading off of his forehead, like some sort of crudely drawn cartoon. Builderman must’ve noticed the awkward stare that Shedletsky gave him, and for the first time in their entire lives, Builderman averted his eyes from Shedletsky’s, staring down at the pale ground beneath their frozen feet. A weird sense of guilt filled Shedletsky’s aching ribs as he caught a solid glimpse of how high strung Builderman looked. He found it a little bit comforting, deep down, knowing that his friend felt the same way, but it still left him confused and rather fearful.
What if Builderman was nervous because he didn’t like what happened that night?
What if Shedletsky made him uncomfortable? What if..
What if he just ruined everything they ever had?
What if it was too late for him?
Shedletsky looked over to the wall for a moment before swallowing uneasily, suddenly remembering that he had a question to answer, pretending to be oblivious to the fact that this interaction was very clearly about a lot more than some ‘missing code.’
The need for mutual understanding pulled at the tip of their tongues, but the fretful blaze igniting through their jaws stopped them from getting down to business.
Shedletsky spoke unadorned, his pupils face down, culpable like an untrained puppy. He wished desperately that he could cover his face, the idea alone sounded amazing just then. In fact, he wanted to hide himself deep in the dirt, never to be seen again. Maybe a little dramatic, but other than validation, that was exactly what he craved.
Shedletsky finally found the courage to look back up, with Builderman doing the same. Shedletsky threw up two awkward thumbs, a smile on his face, though it was lacking its usual charm. They were talking like strangers, like actual co-workers. It was disturbing.
Builderman blinked a few times, a grin lost from his expression, though he tried his best to mock up some warmth in his eyes.
“Oh. That’s- That’s good.”
Shedletsky replied impulsively, then mentally bashed himself for being so awkward.
Who the hell says that in normal conversation? Well, he’s got your answer; Nobody!
Builderman didn’t seem to mind as much as Shedletsky did, but he was still attentive. Shedletsky’s short words weren’t the cause of what was making him grossly apprehensive, it was the tone that the admin spoke in. He enounced thoughtlessly, as if Builderman was a newcomer, like they’d only conversed once before. It made Builderman feel bad. Really bad.
Builderman swallowed a chunk of spit,
“Also, uh.. I’ve got a quick question?”
Shedletsky perked up a bit, his hands mindlessly coming back together, flexing his palms rhythmically to try and soothe his raging mind.
“Hmm?” The admin sang under his breath delicately, despite not wanting to speak at all.
Builderman then decided to take a jab at what would hopefully be some calm, friendly, work-buddy conversation. To break the ice a bit, of course.
“I couldn’t help but notice that ya tabbed out pretty suddenly earlier.”
Builderman spoke calmly, but Shedletsky felt unnerved.
“Huh?” Shedletsky prattled, improvising obliviousness.
Builderman noticed the way the man’s shoulders suddenly froze, and he especially caught onto the way that the admin clutched his hands. Builderman knew Shedletsky well enough to know, just by that – without a doubt – that he was lying.
On top of that, Shedletsky knew Builderman well enough to know that he had caught onto his lie rather quickly. But, even while their hearts thumped fast with the need to voice their discern,
Neither of them felt confident enough to actually address it.
As if they were in a play, reading off of a script, they pretended to be estranged to each other, walking down the safe route and doing anything to avoid confrontation, continuing the conversation as if it wasn’t completely pointless. Builderman swallowed,
“The tab. On- On your computer.”
As the CEO waited for a response, Shedletsky could only mutter out an awkward hum, unpleasant to both of their ears. The responses from either men caused the two of them to cringe internally, the urge to bite down on their own tongues becoming overwhelmingly persistent with each second this interaction lasted.
Builderman had attempted to recover himself, but drew the line at how Shedletsky did nothing but elongate the same syllable. This was mutually painful to the both of them, like grating nails against a chalkboard, except the chalkboard was the silence turning stale against the nails of Shedletsky’s tenacity. Builderman had promptly decided he’d had enough of this horseplay – this was getting them absolutely nowhere and they both knew it. He let the bullet of reciprocated confusion fly past him just this once, they had work to do after all. They couldn’t spend all day sitting here, even though it had only been a few minutes. A few grueling minutes.
“Y’know what – nevermind, Shed. It really ain’t my business, is it?”
Builderman waved him off, no longer desiring a reply when each unsure hum from the admin just ended up leaving his ears burning in shame, overtaken by vicarious discomfort.
Builderman started again by apologizing, already turning to leave the office,
“My bad.” He muttered under his breath with unease, his brain already setting a clear track to head straight towards his office on the top floor. Shedletsky was almost disappointed by Builderman’s obvious impatience, despite previously claiming to himself that he never wanted to speak to the man again, he found himself suddenly wishing he would stay a little longer. But, what was there to say? It’s not like either of them had plans of bringing up their situation. Shedletsky felt his stomach churn with dejection, but he forced it out of his system, giving a weary laugh in response,
“Ahaha… yea - yeah.. ‘S fine. I was just slacking off.”
Builderman noticed the way Shedletsky’s mood had darkened, a strong punch of sin hitting him straight in the gut, but he ignored it. He gave the world’s fakest, glimmering smile, pointing finger guns at Shedletsky despite already being half-way out the door.
“Oooh, I see. Ya little weasel.”
They both cringed at that. What was this? A sitcom? The Builderman he knew was funny. This was just guest talk. They both gritted a minute cackle through their teeth, their eyes squinting with equal amounts of shared nonplus.
Agreeing silently that they had both had enough of this for one sitting; Shedletsky nodded, Builderman took a step.
“I’ll, uh. Let ya get back to work.”
Shedletsky nodded again, a little more eagerly this time. Builderman took yet another step.
“Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Builder.”
Then, like that, Builderman was out of sight, his pace was a little faster than usual. Despite the man being long gone, Shedletsky decided to utter out a last goodbye, just to soothe his hurting soul.
….. Silence. Shedletsky’s chair creaked softly as he got up from it, leaning over to check the clearing outside of his cubicle. Upon further inspection, he noticed that Builderman was long gone. Suddenly, the weight pulling up his shoulders was gone, like snapping the strings on a wooden doll.
“Finally.” He sighed loudly,
He started to step backwards into his office again, muttering out a soundless curse, “Shit..”
“That was pretty hard to watch, man-”
Shedletsky yelped, turning backwards into his office as another voice interrupted his thoughts, one that definitely didn’t belong to either him or Builderman. He looked to his side, only to spot a bright bundle of neon colors; Glittering purples, a creamy white and a pair of shutter shades that sprawled out every hue from the floor to the flush on his agitated face.
“What the hell is it with you people and jumpscaring me? Learn to knock!”
Shedletsky growled viciously, causing the reciprocant to withdraw for a second, only to cross their arms calmly and chuckle under their breath. Brighteyes gave him a slim smile, her eyebrows raising curiously.
“It’s not my fault you’re never aware of your surroundings.” She responded indifferently, her composure coming off rather cool compared to the heat practically steaming off of Shedletsky’s head.
He glared at her for a stretched moment before huffing curtly, lowering his voice as he swiveled to look at the rest of the office area. He noticed some heads poking out from behind walls, and the humiliation ate him alive. He stepped back into his cubicle, effectively hiding himself from all the prying eyes.
Usually he wouldn’t have cared about making sound, but right now, he’d rather be ignored the rest of the month than get any sort of attention. The last thing he needed was people coming to his door and asking him what food was on his plate.
She noticed the way his voice was uncharacteristically gruff. She took a few steps into his office against the opposite wall from him,
“I saw that whole thing. Pretty embarassing..” She spoke moderately, sympathy underlying her tone. She had definitely felt second-hand embarrassment from watching those two talk. Shedletsky groaned under his breath, looking off to the side, a rare, shy glimmer in his eyes. It went quiet again. Shedletsky avoided her gaze as if it was deathly. Though, unfortunately for him, she found it entertaining.
“But, I don’t think it compares to walking in on you two getting off in his office..”
Brighteye’s suggestive comment made Shedletsky shrink back, he immediately became defensive. He sucked in a sharp breath before responding, almost that of a gasp,
“Okay, we did not go that far.”
Shedletsky fell for her bait,
“Why were you trying to give him papers in the middle of the night anyways?!”
Shedletsky argued, yelling under his breath. Brighteyes brushed him off with a simple roll of the eyes, her smirk widening,
“That’s a big question coming from you.”
She tilted her head, Shedletsky realizing she made a pretty good point, his expression visibly dropping for a moment. What was he doing in his boss’s office getting hickies in the middle of the night? There were many better things to be discussing, and yet Shedletsky would rather pin duct tape over his ears than listen. When he realized he was at a stump, he sighed in defeat. Completely ignoring her observation and switching the subject with a low, flustered tone,
“Okay- what do you want?”
He was easily agitated, extremely unusual for someone who was infamous for getting under people’s nerves. He spoke fast-paced, his brows furrowing again,
“If you’re just gonna stand there and insult my personal issues, I have better things to do..”
She never thought she’d be able to successfully bait the HQ’s most infamous prankster into being mad, but here she was and she loved it. Despite wanting to mess with him a little more, the situation itself was clearly dire, and she could tell he desperately needed help and just didn’t want to admit it. She spoke again, “ ‘Personal’ issues is a stretch, you guys made your move on public property.”
Shedletsky’s expression flattened, looking more disappointed than annoyed at this point. He let out a soft sigh and she waved it off, leaning against the corner of the cubicle, the scarf around her neck flopping fluidly to the side. She looked down to the floor,
“Anyways, I’m not here to bully you. Even though it’s funny.” She quipped, causing him to roll his eyes. She rolled her head back up to meet his glare,
“I’m here to tell you just one.. small, little thing.”
Her tone shifted to be a little more high-pitched, vaguely coming off as condescending, and it offended him deeply. He really, really hated being spoken to like he was five. So what if he had relationship problems that he wanted to avoid addressing? Everyone has those!.. Probably!
He gave the flattest look of all time, looking completely emotionless besides, the only hint of life in his expression being the twinge of annoyance woven in his vexed pupils.
“You need to talk to him.”
She responded simply, a little too firm for his liking. He was aware of what he needed to do, but he didn't want to hear it, especially not from someone who wasn’t in his shoes. He felt annoyed at her for bringing it up, yet he couldn’t really pin-point why, he could only explain it as wanting to avoid the subject.. Though, at the same time, he didn’t. It plagued his mind, he felt lost, he needed advice – but nonetheless, he was being a prick about it. Maybe it was his firm ideology of not wanting to feel weak or helpless. He could do things on his own, he always has! But, admittedly, this was so different. For once in his life, he couldn’t trust his own instincts, and it perplexed him greatly. The yellow admin feigned carelessness, muttering a dull response,
She gave him an equally judgemental look, not trusting his cool-guy act for even a second.
“You’re gonna say that and then never do anything about it.”
He was about to argue back until his jaw started to clamp. He realized that, in the end, there was nothing he could say that would make her words less true. He shut his mouth grudgingly, then shook his head, mocking her. She gave him a moment to sulk before talking again, her tone becoming a little colder.
“Seriously. Almost nobody here is as close as you two are. I don’t want a cranky boss and a cranky admin around my shoulders, so.. Fix it.”
He shifted his gaze to meet hers again, and he was immediately met with a thick wave of irritation. How could she just say that as if it was that easy? He muttered again, his words having a reluctant bite to them,
“Fix it how? It’s not that simple.”
Her eyebrows shifted, his reluctance annoyed her. She never thought she’d be dealing with someone so stubborn when she decided to sign up for this company. Whether it was a personal issue or a work issue, Shedletsky always shrunk away from input whenever he didn’t want to be wrong. Despite trying to hide it, it was obvious he was always a very insecure man. Her voice grew a little firmer,
“Fix it is code for speak to him. Actually communicate with him.”
Shedletsky didn’t move or respond, but his face contorted with disdain. She knew she hit a soft spot when he didn’t argue back, she knew that he was aware of how she was right. He didn’t like it when she was right, because it meant that he was wrong. He looked down to the floor, frustrated at how she kept pressing him. She barely let another second of silence go past them before she spoke again, taking the chance to poke fun at him,
“Don’t do that weird thing you guys did earlier. That was really hard to watch.”
Shedletsky instantaneously looked back at her, grumbling loudly and letting his arms fly into the air, just for them to crash back at his sides with an audible thump. He raised his voice,
“Alright, alright! I’ll do it if you, just.. get out of my office!”
She raised her eyebrows, putting both her hands in the air. She called it quits, for now.
She started making her way out of the cubicle. As she got to the edge of his office, she turned over on her shoulder and gave him a sly smile, her voice gentle, a stark contrast from the way she had spoken only a few moments before. It made his shoulders relax a little, though he still felt embarrassed.
“Im rootin’ for you, Shed.”
Just as she walked out of sight, she quipped out one last phrase, her scarf flowing at her shoulders,
“Don’t fuck this up. Toodles!”
Those few little words felt like metal against his mind, scraping against his ears unpleasantly and gritting at odds with his frail teeth. That was certainly the last thing he needed to hear.
Shedletsky swallowed nervously, the lump of spit going down and burning his dry throat as he eyed the door of his office with dread. He took a few, stretched out seconds to regain himself, slowly letting his eyes roll around and take in his surroundings. Everything felt like it was closing in on itself, especially the way his stomach clenched at the image or mention of his best friend. Though, he wasn’t sure what they were anymore, and that thought only made him feel more sick; his stomach doubled over in a silent, agonizing knot.
Shedletsky took in a few shallow breaths before turning around stiffly, his feet tapping against the carpeted floor of his cubicle until he reached his chair. The netted-leather seat felt distant, the dim glow of his computer illuminating everything with a digital haze, his eyes straining to keep focus as his mind wandered to a place of its own. His chest was rattling with sprays of uncertainty, like a broken, twisted engine. With every picture and bittersweet memory of his boss, he found it impossible to think straight. He laced his fingers with the edge of his swiveled chair, pulling it backwards before thumping down and taking a grudging seat. He shifted uncomfortably before finally settling down, but the malaise building in his clogged throat didn’t withdraw. In fact, it had only grown worse.
As he clasped his fingers over the shell of his mouse, he began to mindlessly click at his monitor. He followed commands, pressing what felt like random buttons, typing in strings and lines of code, sending emails and messages, telling people to fix things.. And, yet, he couldn’t remember doing any of it. When he finally stripped his eyes from the monitor that was burning at his scleras, he noticed the creamish, orange color beaming from the clouds outside of the HQ. He huffed, starting to come to his senses as he looked around his working space. It was weird, he didn’t even get up to go to the breakroom or anything. Normally the sunset would’ve been more of a comforting call, like a silent reminder that his day was almost over, but he instead found himself not wanting to go home, but not exactly wanting to stay either.
He was in a weird limbo, all because of a man.
All because of his stupid coworker, it felt like he was learning to walk again. But, really, he was learning to love again. It was so foreign how, one random day, a chemical plant suddenly grew in his heart, infecting and polluting him with memories that used to be filled with laughter. But, now, all he wanted to do was sigh dreamily like some sort of love-stricken cartoon character. He couldn’t recall the last time he felt so overwhelmed by just a passing thought of somebody, but that was the thing. He wasn’t sure he ever had. Yeah, he’s had his rounds with other girls before, just to see what it was like, to get the experience that every lonely guy claimed to have wanted. They were hot, sure, and the experience was worth it, just another story he could tell. But.. Builderman was no girl… and that alone was the most confusing thought he has ever conjured.
Why.. Why, has he always been this way? He doesn’t know. He always thought other guys were cool, of course. But, he never found himself staring at other men as much as he did with Builderman.
He certainly never found himself burning holes at other guys down the street, letting his eyes curve their form, thinking about how much nicer some smaller clothes would suit their chests, or how they’d look with their hands around his wrists.
Because, – ..well. He hasn’t.
He’s only done that with Builderman.
He shook the thought off with disdain for himself, scowling at his thirsting silently, the feather-light bubbles in his stomach quickly turning in embarrassment, a sprinkle of self-hatred trickling his burning nose. He needed to go home, and he needed to take a shower.. Gross.
He felt like he was covered in muck, but it was just his own lust.
He couldn’t believe he let himself go so far off the deep end, and without even noticing it at first, too! Hell, for the longest time he just thought it was some sort of mutual, masculine appreciation for how manly Builderman looked. He didn’t think his appreciation for Builderman was anything more than him being proud of his friend’s masculinity. He didn’t think his attractiveness was anything more than just a lucky roll of genetics.
Builderman had a bulky and sleek form, and certainly with a lot of meat on his bones.. Is that something that everyone noticed, or just Shedletsky? He thought sarcastically, beating himself up for letting his heart get the better of him.
He looked up at the clouds painting pumpkin faux in the sky, letting another glob of anxious spit ride down his scratchy throat before groaning under his breath, turning his head to the side disapprovingly. He let his weight press against his knees, trailing down his muscles to his feet. Every movement felt similar to that of anchors tied in his legs, succumbing to the ground like some sort of plankton, feeding off an ocean floor of admiration that slowly killed him. This was the first time in who knows how long that his usual self-confidence was completely wiped from that smug grin of his – which, didn’t seem to be present either.
Having a crush is different when it’s a girl, it’s not a sweat to him when he finds an attractive woman. It felt ’’natural’’ to him, like it was required, or even expected to find a woman to settle down with. Even during his days as Telamon, he always received praise for getting a girlfriend. It was this thing that was always celebrated, for some reason, even with people he’d never even met. They always came to him to sprawl out a bunch of automated phrases, most of them being extremely sexist; they were either dismissive of him, deeming him as some sort of leader just because he was a in a straight relationship, or they were dismissive of the girl he was with, deeming her as some doll that was lucky to have had Telamon in her life.
Most of the time, it was always a mix of both, too.
But, little did any of those guys know, those relationships never ended up lasting too long. Most of them were just hookups, anyways, it was never anything more to him than just a little bit of fun he was having on the side, when he wasn’t busy beating people’s asses on The Heights. It always stuck weirdly to him how he knew that if he were to get a boyfriend instead, he definitely wouldn’t receive the same amount of praise that he had for other things. Now that he looked back on it, was that the only thing that stopped him from realizing he was gay sooner? The fear of disapproval?
Even though he would – like most touch-starved people – occasionally wish he could find someone who loves him even with his ugly, gritty flaws,.. It never really mattered. No matter how much wishing he did, he never seemed to connect with anybody who actually took the time to understand him. In fact, all the people he’s dated were extremely self-centered, which he assumed he deserved. He assumed it was right for people to act that way towards him, he assumed it was normal and that he ‘signed up for it’, so he never really put up a fight until the very end. It wasn’t like he couldn’t relate to the feeling of wanting all the attention, but it sure didn’t feel good when his ’’partner’’ dragged him under the bus for no apparent reason – he even remembered doing the same thing to them, sometimes. No matter what side of the coin he was on – whether he was the one being selfish or not – It just never seemed to work out.
…But.. maybe it’s because he refused to swing both ways. He spent so long looking for more women, for more people who were feminine, for people who were complete opposites of him, for people he couldn’t relate to, looking for people who contradicted everything he stood for, all because it ’’felt natural’’. It sounds stupid, but that’s what he’d been told by all the other men in his life. He's not even really sure what that phrase is supposed to mean. It isn’t that women were totally unappealing to him, it was just.. Harder to deal with in a relationship. He didn’t know what it was like to get pregnant, or bleed every month, or what it was like to have breasts.. He respected women for their struggles, and women were still attractive to him, but it was difficult to fully level with them when, for both sides, it was so much easier to just talk with the same gender. He actually had experience when it came to being a guy – he could full-heartedly relate.
The relation is what he was missing in these hookups.
He’d been told all the same damn things his entire life – by women, and especially by other men. Other men… except for Builderman.
He felt so blind, deceived by himself, lost in his own blurry haze of this feigned destiny that society had set upon him many years ago. He doesn't remember how, or why, or who caused it, as if it was drilled into his brain during creation. Like a hidden line of code that breaks the entire game, he spent decades searching for it, searching for why he felt so hopeless all the time, searching for why his chest always felt so empty. Hell, he’d even almost convinced himself he never actually wanted a relationship, that he never wanted to settle down, that he never actually needed anyone else, because he was the only person he could think of that could roll easily with his cocky punches. He actually started to believe that relationships were supposed to be one-sided, that no matter what, he couldn’t be an equal, that he just simply wasn’t fit for the role, that all he was meant to play was being the gift-giver.
..He didn’t. Not anymore.
He blinked, his eyes unfogging as he regained consciousness. He’d been standing in the middle of his office for how long? He shook his head and sighed again. He prayed nobody walked by and saw him sitting there like a lost idiot.
He leaned down, his shirt moving around his body like silk as he shifted his arm, clawing at his mouse and mindlessly clicking at the billion-dollar ROBLOX logo at the bottom left corner of his desktop, a hamburger menu appearing with only a few options. He pressed ‘shut down’, as his work was done, it was time to call it off for today.
He definitely didn't feel excited about coming in tomorrow, but at least the weekend was soon. It was funny that with how fast this day went by, it was still bleak enough that he could swear he felt like the hands of the clock were turning as slowly as they did when he was building The Heights all those years ago.
As the lambent screen expectedly turned to an inky, pitch black, some aimless glimmers and silhouettes of coral and snowish-silvers began to plaster across it, reflecting off from the glistening window outside. He leaned back up, stretching and cracking his chair-ridden back before turning on his heel and glancing over the – mostly – empty office space. There were still some people left in the other stalls, but most of them were also getting ready to exit, with a lot of the admins already half-way out the main entrance. He looked around and sighed, a sudden shiver going up the hairs on his arms as he remembered how grateful he was for Brighteyes not being present, he wasn’t ready to get his ear chewed out again.
He knew he should be talking to Builderman about all of this, but how was he supposed to when his head was so scattered? He should just go and bite the bullet, but who’s to say that Builderman feels the same way?
..That’s just ridiculous. What type of FRIEND would pin you to their office desk in the middle of the night? He has to feel the same way.
.. But even if he does, there’s still always that off chance that it didn’t actually mean anything.
He let out a tiny grumble under his tongue before taking in a short breather, letting body-temperature air enter through, then exit out his nose again. When his heart stopped racing as fast as it had been before, he took the first step forward and out of his office. Like learning to walk again, he was unsure of himself. Completely, and utterly unsure of himself.
Where the hell was he going?
But, something stopped him.
He really didn’t want to move…
He swallowed his own saliva for what counted like the thousandth time today, the spit griming at the bottom of his tongue being the only warmth he could get that was closest to a hug. He really needed one.
He bit his lip, then relaxed his facial features almost immediately upon fully stepping out, as if he was being trained to act like an NPC.
He blankly stared at the gentle commotion throughout the HQ before his feet suddenly moved on their own, a sudden signal of anxiety pulsing through his veins and convincing him to make a break for it. His feet shuffled against the carpeted floor, then against the marble floor, his skin a yellow blur against another person’s eyes. He was concerningly good at speed walking. He’d sworn he’d never felt this relieved to finally get home before. Even on the worst work days, where customers were constantly yelling at him, or his accounts were getting banned, or there were more complaints than usual – he, still, kept his cool and rolled with it. He was awesome, he knew that. He knew he could handle the pressure.
The pressure of work, that is.
What he didn’t know how to handle was the way his heart shocked itself deafeningly as another cloud of thoughts hazed over his messy head, all consisting of his best friend. All of his boss, for ROBLOX’s sake!
He got a few weird stares, but he expected it. As he zoomed towards the exit of the building, he silently insisted that almost everyone was watching him with suspicious eyes now. Sadly, he was right. The blazing amber flushed against the bridge of his nose didn’t go unnoticed by all, especially not Brighteyes as he scurried past her prying eyes, his sweating palms ultimately cooling and slamming as he reached the glass exit door of the workplace.
As the cold, air of the welcoming outside finally hit his skin, cooling the warmth off of him almost completely like an ice pack, he finally.. finally felt at peace today.
He wished he was able to enjoy this weather a little better, but it was hard when he only had one thing on his mind, and he was sure the entire planet probably knew at this point. He wasn’t very discreet with his exit, was he..
He lingered at the doorway a little longer before another admin, one that he couldn’t quite recall, bumped him against the shoulder with a small, timid ’excuse me..’ He quickly moved to the side without a word, looking around at his sides frantically before taking a prance off of the stair steps that he had been resting his shaking feet upon. Anyone from an outsider’s perspective would assume he was drugged out his mind, but, no. It was just the side effects of a man being coerced by his own mind. He felt regret, trepidation and freedom glide and squeeze at his chest all at the same time, tainting his ribs with a weird type of pain that he almost craved to feel more of, yet he wished his nerves could just be steady for once.
He kept walking down the sidewalk, the scenery was calming, yet the lights beaming down from the sky couldn’t be any more overwhelming right now. It was a terrible day for everyone else to be having a great one. He looked over to his left, park benches with Robloxians sat, admins chattering with arms hung over their shoulders, the heat in their face greeting the person at their side with friendliness, open vulnerability, plastered out for everyone to see. He looked to his right, people at coffee tables, walking into food shops with more people still exiting the HQ, all with contemptuous smiles or flat-lined faces cooled by the breeze. It sickened him how happy everyone else was today. What was there to even smile about? The faint scent of pie and muffins and brewing cocoa beans didn’t make his mouth twitch, so what was there to smile about? Not even the dogs and birds and cats and squirrels pattering across the roads or alleyways or near the park waterfalls could even begin to uplift his spirits, so, what was there to smile about? Nothing, he thought. Absolutely nothing.
He would like to smile, to feel the same love and relaxation as the animals on the street, being fed at the hand by strangers, walking around and working their job of simply just being cute. He wished he could smile like the Robloxians on those benches, shamelessly holding their loved ones close, chattering softly, bursting out in laughter and hyping each other up with splashing, cardboard coffee cups in their hands. He wished he was literally anybody. else.
For once, not a single person around here looked like they were having an obviously bad day, and yet, just to his luck, he happened to fill that sad, dreary void. Damn it..
He took one last glimpse at the shimmering scenery before shaking his head in disgust, unbridled jealousy forming at the bottom of his breaking heart, he wished he could be happy like that. As he turned on his heel, he decided to take a path home that he didn’t normally take. He didn’t want to run the risk of seeing people who were happier than him, which sounded really selfish – but, what if he IS selfish? Is he not allowed? On a day like this, the public should feel grateful he wasn’t out there terrorizing Robloxians for fun.
Upon taking this route, he certainly didn’t want to take the risk of running into.. whatever he calls Builderman. Best friend, crush, partner.. Boss? Co-worker? ..Boyfriend? Though, that might be a little much of a stretch.. He could at least dream about it.
..right. Talk to him. Sure, he could do that.. In a few weeks.
He clicked his tongue as his eyes glued to the ground, watching his feet but not bothering to pay attention to his surroundings.
He knew where he was going.
He took a sudden turn down the corner of the HQ, entering territory that was.. Well, pretty much abandoned.
Just like he expected, just like he hoped, and just like he prayed.
He took a sharp twist around a corner of the building that didn’t have much purpose to the outside – no doors, not many windows to peek through, no entrances, no exits, no nothing. Just the hopes and dreams and thoughts of a room being behind the unadorned glass walls. A few dim lampposts with a clean, almost spotless sidewalk. It wasn’t very remarkable, but it was familiar. It wasn’t overly joyous for no reason. There weren’t any animals, besides the ant hills and occasional small, itty-bitty insects that flew and walked across the grey pebbles and dirt of the earth’s floor. There weren’t any coffee shops, not even a lone vending machine for the taking. There weren’t any people hanging on benches – hell, there weren’t any people at all. The environment around him wasn't dead like nuclear warfare, but it was dead akin to that of a retirement home. Boring. Monochrome. Desaturated. Gloomy, and dim. Not even the plants were thrilled to be there; all the dandelions being half-blown, and all the sunflowers shriveled and much too round. It was.. Him. It was relatable – just calm enough to keep him on his toes, but still depressing enough to keep his heart from striking in a jealous rage.
Shedletsky was familiar with being in deep trouble, getting in trouble was something he did almost everyday for many, many decades. Trolling, pranking, or sometimes flat out making fun of people were all things that he never felt the need to shy away from.
This was a new kind of trouble. It wasn’t fun, or thrilling. It wrecked his nervous system, it made him paranoid.
He burned holes toward the ground of his feet, watching as he took one foot in front of another and moved mindlessly. His surroundings started to blur, so lost in his own train of self-doubt that reality was only a distant, pixelated word slipping by the tip of his stale tongue. His mouth felt dry, but not from talking. He hadn’t said a word in the past four or five hours. Maybe it was a lack of oxygen, but he could swear he was breathing correctly. Though, the way his heart kept pacing up and down uncharacteristically was making him doubt his own physical well-being. At this rate, he hoped that he’d actually feel motivated enough to turn the shower head on when he got home.
As he continued walking, at a drastically slow pace, the sounds around him started to turn to white noise. The breeze flowing through the lime-colored leaves of the trees and bushes only sounded like the static of an empty SFOTH lobby, and the sound of his pattering soles against the earthly floor below slipped between his fingers like the ashes of a burnt cake. Like the foamy, fiery desserts he used to make in Bake A Cake with Builder.
He remembered purposefully getting Builderman’s order wrong multiple times just to piss him off, and yet it never seemed to make his friend.. angry. In fact, Builderman would roll with it. He would laugh and joke and hit Shedletsky in the shoulder as he doubled over himself, his own dessert coming out just as terribly. If they weren’t so important to the development of this civilization they had practically raised side-by-side, he was sure that in any other circumstance they would’ve been immediately kicked out – but, Builderman always had the money to pay for his mistakes. The ruined, malfunctioning machinery was always replaced within an instant.
He was really glad that out of anyone he could’ve met, in the whole wide world, out of the millions and trillions of possibilities and chances and jobs and people – he met Builderman.
He felt insanely melancholy just thinking about it. The specks against the concrete, monochrome and itty, were just like his bruised heart. Lonely, like the infinite confinements of space, he felt himself suffocating in the room that his mind gave him to think. He felt that the stars were just out of reach – they looked so close, the memories he held with them – but alas, reality broke him yet again. The whites of Builderman’s teeth always twinkled like constellations; He’d do anything to hold his star again, to even see his star again, but he knew it would be too bright for him to handle.
Shedletsky almost fell backwards on his feet. Damn, did he run into a lamppost or something? That’s what he began to think when he shook his head, his blurry surroundings suddenly hitting him with a hard realization, his ears unclogging and his feet holding him just barely up on the ground. His arms flailed out, gaining his balance before he could topple over.
Shedletsky flicked his head back and forth, shaking his head a few times like a wet dog, knocking his brain back in place before blinking a few times. He focused his vision again and tilted his chin up, his eyes following with the rather bulky object he must’ve collided with.
His breath was immediately taken away.
But, not because the wind was almost knocked out of him – no.
The disembodied voice spoke.
He spent so long sulking that he almost believed he was dreaming for a moment, that maybe he had passed out on his desk earlier. This was too cliche, even for him.
He swallowed roughly, his dry throat scratchy and painful against the lava-like burn of his spit.
“Yeh- Yeah.” He muttered, agonizingly quiet.
He looked timid, curled up and stiff with an imaginary tail between his legs like a frightened street dog. He certainly looked it too, especially with the small bags under his eyes, the slight frizzle in his curly, sizzled-caramel hair making him look far from dainty. He didn’t look messy in the silly way that he normally rocked – he looked messy – by the definition of messy.
“Uhh..” Shedletsky hummed, distracted.
“Y’ sure?” Builderman spoke, his voice booming but soft at the same time, like a gentle giant.
Shedletsky took in Builderman’s form from his boots to the hood of his jacket to the faint stubble on his chin. Was he always this tall? Actually, when did he get here? Did Builderman normally take this route? Why was he here? What happened? What is going ON right now?
His heart began to race faster and faster, the organ unsteadily beating out his chest.
Builderman stared back at him, an awkward glimmer shaved over the concern in his eyes. He cleared his throat, then fixed his stance a little, still attempting to steady himself from the impact. Shedletsky noticed the movement and immediately felt embarrassed, standing up stiffly like a robot, his hands at his sides, akin to a plastic toy. Builderman brushed imaginary dust off of his chest before looking off to the side with a hesitant smile, his eyes slowly trailing back to the admin as he spoke up,
“Ya seemed a lil’ distracted there..” He prodded gently, but Shedletsky felt violated.
“Though, I can’t say I wasn’t either.”
Builderman let out an awkward, flustered chuckle, the laugh rolling against his throat and out his tongue like the rub of two sticks, making the fire in Shedletsky flare up as all of his overthinking finally came to bite him, his feelings catching up to claw at his stomach.
When Builderman fully took in Shedletsky's appearance, he started to feel guilty for leaving so abruptly during their earlier encounter. It wasn’t for anybody to deny, especially himself, that he has been facing the same struggles that Shedletsky had. Ever since that night, he didn’t know how to approach his friend anymore. He’d gone through three whole separate meetings today, and yet he wasn’t able to recall any of them. Except, of course.. for the secret fourth one he had on the lower floor that morning. The look on Shedletsky’s face was rich, full of emotions that he wasn’t used to seeing on the prankster. It sure didn’t make him feel any better that he knew it was his own fault, too. He should’ve taken the day off with Shedletsky and took him out somewhere, instead of acting like nothing had happened at all. What kind of monster would do that? He didn’t want to be a monster, so he hoped that it wouldn’t be too late to apologize. But, every time he thought about it, he felt a needle prick his throat, as if his vocal chords were being strangled, his words being gutted out and lost like a penguin to a seal. It felt useless trying to swim away, but he knew he needed to keep trying.
He didn’t want to lose the most important person in his life. Not now, not ever.
Even though the guilt ate him half to death, he forced himself to speak, but really.. All he wanted to do was leap forward and bring the man into his arms again. He just didn’t know if it was appropriate or not.
Builderman’s voice was gentle and approaching, yet the panic in his nerves were clear like a glass closet. “So.. how was work?”
Shedletsky couldn’t tell if time was moving fast, or if it was Builderman moving fast, but before he could think of what to reply with, he was met with another benign jab.
Builderman’s voice had further grown plush, Shedletsky’s fragile heart feeling stuffed. Shedletsky was temporarily locked in place when he suddenly remembered this was real, and he was being asked a question. He cleared his throat,
“I’m, uh.. I’m good. It’s all good.”
Immediately after speaking, the air froze again. He could swear the wisps of the wind were strangling him, he wanted to pick up his feet and dash away, but he couldn’t. As his eyes darted around, he eventually met Builderman’s pupils, and he couldn’t find the courage to run away, but he also couldn’t find the courage to say anything relevant. Of course he wasn’t doing good, you didn’t even have to know the guy to see how the look on his face was droopy and so obviously apprehensive at the same time. But, Builderman certainly knew him, and he especially knew how that look in Shedletsky’s dim eyes made him feel irresponsible.
It felt like a bomb was ticking to their demise, strapped between both their chests, heaving and ticking and pushing up against their ribs, a wire in their chest being incorrectly cut with every look they read wrong. They both felt sick to their stomach, nauseous and dizzy, and yet they couldn’t throw up. No amount of medicine could heal the illness of unfamiliarity.
Builderman spoke, his letters quiet and gruff. It’s not like they haven’t had disagreements before – Hell, they’ve known each other for over ten years, they’d be boring to not disagree on at least something. But, never before have they had conflict and not even known whether or not they truly disagreed with each other. Like a bunny and a hare, sitting in the middle of a forest, so familiar and yet so uncanny, they couldn’t figure out where to go from here.
Maybe.. Just, try to brush it off again. Maybe pretending like everything is okay is the answer. Neither of them wanted to risk ending it all, so, if that meant making things uncomfortable for the rest of their lives, why not? They always found ways around problems. Builderman breathed in, almost faking a smile as he voiced up timidly,
..They always found ways around problems. But, this time, it didn’t feel right.
He couldn’t keep avoiding this.
This time, they needed to hit each other straight towards the middle, where it hurt.
What’s healing without a little bit of pain?
Shedletsky anticipated Builderman’s next words, but they never came.
Builderman’s shoulders tensed, then relaxed as he let out a heavy sigh. Suddenly, the fake smile on his face was lost, shaking his head back and forth like a disappointed parent.
Oh, no.. Shedletsky knew that look. He was gonna get chewed out, wasn’t he?
Shedletsky’s heart beat fast as Builderman finally made eye contact with him again – but, this time, the shine in his dark eyes weren’t as sweet anymore. They were somber, and he felt it shoot right back at his own expression like a pistol.
The CEO finally decided to vocalize his discomfort, Shedletsky latching on to how the atmosphere immediately shifted,
“Who am I kidding.. Shedletsky-”
The admin didn’t want to sit there and look stupid, like he didn’t care. He cared a lot.
He’d been waiting all day for this opportunity, to finally get down to the problem.
Sure, he spent most of that time thinking that avoiding the issue completely was for the better, but now that he was sitting right in front of it, he felt an itch that needed to be scratched.
.. Correction, they both rushed to speak, their words overlapping in the same tone, at the same time, with the same stance. Shedletsky’s face was more worried, while Builderman’s was more stern, but they both blanked when they realized their end goal was, thankfully, the same.
They stood and stared at each other in surprise for a moment. Normally, when they both synced like that, they’d start cheering and laughing and patting each other on the back. Normally, their similarities would be a comfort – but, now, it felt preternatural.
Can there be a time where something they do just doesn’t feel wrong today?
They both hoped this torture would end, and thankfully, they could now look at the other and say out loud that they thought the same.
The gears in both their heads turned slowly, gunk and glue stuck in the hollow of their heads.
Builderman was the first to speak, his tone flat but understanding, his lips barely moving as he muttered out a –
Another pause of silence, and he finally responds coherently. He idly rubs at the back of his head, his fingers craning against the skin just below his hard hat.
“Yeah, ah.. Yeah, we do.”
Shedletsky nodded his head timidly. He wanted to look away, but he knew it wouldn’t be the right time to shy away. He needed to be direct, this could be his only chance.
He bubbled down a drop of spit before speaking, his mouth unusually dry, his words small.
Builderman’s eyes widened as he looked back at him. He let his arm hang back down to his side, limping depressingly. He ogled a moment longer, taking in the unguarded look on the admin’s face. The former waited in anticipation, expecting the absolute worst. Shedletsky felt his heart racing, teetering on painful as his organs began to practically hop out of his chest.
Builderman expected the worst, too. To be told off, or yelled at.
But, he finally took in a deep breath, and let his true feelings run loose.
“..Shed, I’m really sorry.”
He hesitated slightly as he spoke, compacted tone and muffled words, he was visibly scared, and especially ashamed of himself. He kept weary eye contact with Shedletsky, waiting for an outburst. Waiting to be chewed at, to be made fun of, or be told that.. They couldn’t be friends anymore. Maybe, this was the last time he was gonna see Shedletsky. Maybe there was no point in apologizing.
Shedletsky’s face turned to one that was neutral and yet whole-heartedly baffled at the same time. The admin’s eyebrows being slightly furrowed, it was a terrifying sight through Builderman’s cowering lenses – But.. the anger he expected had never come.
He was only met with a small, questioning mewl;
Shedletsky droned, a mix of monotonous and indecision that, to Builderman, sounded like fury. Builderman felt the sweat beading off of his forehead, and he immediately switched to defend his case. He brought his arms out, visualizing his words,
“I shouldn’t have walked out on ya earlier.”
He then hugged his own sides apologetically, like an animal curling its tail between its legs.
“..That was immature of me.”
A long pause between the both of them, with Builderman internally panicking. Shedletsky looked between the CEO and the shadow dusted sidewalk, before letting his eyes soften, meeting with his friends’ again.
“Oh- why.. Why are you apologizing?”
Builderman felt perplexed – what kind of question was that?
Shedletsky continued to reason,
“Builder, I was the one who was pretending like you weren’t there.”
He spoke like he was hurt, but it’s not Builderman that injured him, it was his own stupidity. He felt dumb, like a negative grade glued to his forehead, a giant, red F for failure. Builderman didn’t see him the same, though. As the CEO looked down, their glimmering eyes staring into one another, all he could spot was vulnerability, and someone who took too much credit in the wrong places. Builderman took a moment to take in just how pathetic Shedletsky looked – he couldn’t recall the last time he’d seen the admin so worked up.
Builderman cleared his throat, speaking with confidence,
“Right.. Well, that doesn’t make what I did any better.”
He claimed his spot. Sure, Shedletsky could’ve done better, but he himself could’ve also put in more effort. They were both at fault.
Another long silence strings between them, Shedletsky’s face softens a little, his eyes darting to the ground. Hearing Builderman own up to his own misdeeds almost felt more humilating than if Builderman were to agree with him and let him take all the blame – he wasn’t sure why. Maybe he was just overthinking things. He knew Builderman was right, that it wasn’t just his doing that made things feel so sour between them, it was both their problem. But, he felt guilty that any of this even happened in the first place.
Builderman recognized that look of vulnerability, reading him like a passage – That stiffened stare on Shedletsky’s face that screamed ‘oh, i was wrong. I don’t like that.’
But, there was no time for games right now. Builderman hesitated a moment further, his words clicking at the tip of his tongue, before he let his throat rumble gently, pulpy and anticipating.
“I.. Shed, ya don’t-.. Ye still like me, right?”
Shedletsky perked and gazed back up at Builderman, just to be met with the most exposed, unguarded look he believes he’s ever received. Builderman was no stranger to putting on a tough persona, and Shedletsky was a professional at that.. So, when they both burned holes into each others eyes, sparkling and borderline watery, it was like staring into a distant, foggy mirror. They could relate, and yet they felt lost, like they still couldn’t see the full picture, the pieces of their hearts unsolved like an abandoned puzzle.
Shedletsky swallows, the question he was met with was heavy. It was direct, and yet it slid past his head like a missed joke. He’d never been more confused in his entire, sword-swinging life. The stars sprinkled in Builderman’s eyes stabbed at his chest like the cold, iron metal of a spear, the only warmth he was met with was the blood it splattered, creeping through his own face.
Their hearts skipped a few beats, the silence bringing Builderman’s spirits down, until he was suddenly met with a quiet, uncharacteristically reserved mewl from the other man, –
Shedletsky’s jaw clamps shut before he can dare to speak anything further. Builderman lights up a little, the slight movement of his eyes widening was noticeable. Both of their faces turned a little flat, but the galactic void of their pupils showed more emotion than their strangled words ever could.
Builderman’s throat is suddenly dry – his stomach cramps so heavy, he thinks he might throw up. These weren’t butterflies, they were organ-sucking parasites, wings flapping against his insides like brushing his hands against the blades of an actively turning box fan. He sucks the feeling down, again, looking for approval.
He repeats his previous question, Shedletsky’s response feeling too good to be true. This felt staged, at any moment someone could come in and ruin this moment. The gentle huff of the trees, the sun continuing to set, the sky dark and yet beaming at the same time, the ants crawling against the sidewalk – all of it went deaf to his head, blind to his eyes. It felt like he was lucid dreaming, stuck in place and forced into paralysis, watching his former friend through glowing eyes.
Shedletsky couldn’t deny that, on his end, it felt the exact same way. His voice was so hushed, so much more tender than it normally was. Builderman would pay millions, billions – Hell, he’d go into debt to hear that voice more often, even though it scared him half to death; the anticipation of each response. But, it only seemed to get better.
The admin confirms, the both of them repeating words into new jumbled strings like an author deprived of creativity. They just wanted to get this done with already – to skip to the good part and finish writing their story, to finally come to a conclusion.
Shedletsky was the first to break it, he couldn’t stand sitting there like a lost duckling, his voice bordering on the edge of completely whining,
“Builds, I should have talked to you sooner.”
His voice cracked a little bit, his emotional side getting the better of him. He felt his heart strike painfully, the embarrassment ate him alive, he wasn’t used to speaking his feelings so freely. He feels like he should be ashamed of it, like he should be able to control his thoughts better – but, he was tired – no, sick of those days. The days of running from what he really wanted – he was sick and tired and exhausted from holding himself back. Who cared what other people thought? Builderman could certainly agree with this sentiment, letting out a heaving sigh as he spoke back, his accent carrying his voice with ease against Shedletsky’s burning ears,
“I should’a talked to you sooner, Sheds.”
..and, for the first time in what felt like weeks – Shedletsky cracked a genuine smile. A real smile – not that fake shit he put on when he was lying out his feathers – no, not that. A gentle, tender smile. Builderman caught it like a fish drawn to a hook, and he couldn’t help but return the same look, as if it was lost and he’d been hiding it.
Then, Shedletsky lit up even more at the realization that things were finally going his way.
Their way. For the first time in what felt like forever, he was free from the shackles of his depraved mind.
He let out a desperate hum before launching himself forward, meeting Builderman with a thump, emitting a surprised groan from the older man, but this time when they collided, he knew exactly just what he was getting himself into.
He strung his shaking arms around Builderman like he was lost in the middle of a ship crash, as if Builderman was his lifesaver.
The admin nuzzled his cheek forgivingly against the hardened, jacketed chest of Builderman. He didn’t care that the zipper of Builderman’s clothing was digging into his skin, he needed him, and he needed him badly. He didn’t have to feign immunity anymore, he was done with that.
Builderman regained his senses for a moment before letting his hand glide up the admins back and to the behind of his head, curling his thick, grey fingers into his curly, bark, sun-kissed hair. His other hand didn’t hesitate to push up around the thin of the admin’s waist, curling his arms around him, like some sort of sacred artifact. He rested his rough chin against the top of Shedletsky’s head, cuddling back in return.
Shedletsky let out a tired, but happy mumble,
Builderman was about to just flat out agree, but then he remembered a really, really important detail that seemed to be missing from their previous conversation.
A simple ‘I like you’ could come off as anything, if you sit on it.
In his eyes, now that he looked back at it, this confession sounded a little childish.
He needed to grow up, ask something more direct. He was done testing the waters, he was ready to swim.
He cleared his throat gingerly before turning his head, letting his hands fall back down onto Shedletsky’s shoulder to push him away, only by a small inch. The admin blinked, his eyesight being refilled with a warm, but stern look from the man above him.
Builderman’s voice starts out forbearing,
“I missed you too, but.. Shed, I think there’s still more that we need to address..”
The admin takes a moment to flicker his eyelids again, his thumping heart fluttering down. He too also realizes that there was a huge gap in their history right now, one that needed to be filled. He spaces out for a moment before forcing his attention back to the conversation at hand. It was time to man up.
He nodded his head, his voice modest in understanding, his eyes darting from the sidewalk to Builderman’s face again. He pulls away a little bit as well, but hardly moving.
Builderman gives a flash of a smirk before it falters again, a sudden, uneasy shock of air rushing over his chest, jittery sheets of hope draping over him as he heaved one last time. Then, he finally uttered –
But, before he could finish speaking, Shedletsky had the same idea, suddenly butting in and expressing his own concerns,
“Actually, I need to tell you some-..”
He pauses, the both of them staring at each other wide eyed. With Builderman on edge, Shedletsky was feeling sheepish for having interrupted him like that.
He swallowed, the spit going slowly down his aching throat,
“Oh-” He whispered. Then, he shook his head a few times, ready to correct his mistake.
He pushed his hands out, waving them profusely, then letting them rest against Builderman’s chest. Where the admin’s fingers were placed, the CEO felt cumbersome.
“Sorry, sorry. You first.”
Shedletsky prompted. But, Builderman chickened out. If Shedletsky had something to say, and it saved him from having to go first, then so be it. Even though he feels he should know better than to let his anxiousness take him over – feeling much too old for this banter – he couldn’t help it. This situation wasn’t like any other, for the both of them. Why, in what universe would he be having a conversation like this with his guy best friend? This one, apparently…
Builderman shook his head back at Shedletsky, defying his courtesy.
“No, s’ all good Shed. I’m listenin’.”
Shedletsky’s lungs immediately dropped, that simple prompt taking him half-way towards the path along his grave. He looked horrified for a split second before he gulped, satiating his dry throat again. He could swear his body was completely against him right now – everything felt hot and cold at the same time. Like he was in trouble, but there wasn’t any danger.
Yet another long, long, long silence waving through the two, like a forbidden sea, quiet and loud at the same time. He bit his lip, his eyes rushing to stare at quite literally anything but directly at the man embracing him.
Builderman waited patiently.
And he waited, and he waited..
Then, just before he was about to snap Shedletsky back to reality, the skin burning against the younger admin’s face began to glow as he finally spoke again.
Shedletsky hoisted his breath,
“I think. I might, like.”
His sentence jitters and then completely stops; like a broken record, or a snapped disc, he just couldn’t find the right words, lodged somewhere in the back of his gullet.. No, not that he couldn’t find them, but it was the way his tongue was tied around anything other than Builderman’s – it pained him mentally, his head burning like a hot stove as he registered the bombshell he was about to drop. Not just on Builderman, but also on himself. He wasn’t sure how to accept it, but considering their position, he knew he had to suck it up.
Whether it was now, or later, or in a billion years, he was painfully aware of what he had to come to terms with.
After hiding all his life,
After all the people that called him wrong,
And the gentle hum of airplanes.
He took in a final breath,
“Be, like.. You know – Gay. or- or something.”
There it was, the admission. He finally came to terms with it.
Maybe not completely, it still felt unfamiliar on his tongue, almost like cursing for the first time.
It didn’t feel right, and yet, it felt freeing.
..Maybe it did feel right.
Builderman’s eyes widened instantaneously, blinking idly for a moment before finally letting his eyes rest, taking in Shedletsky’s form.
Is this the real confession?
Builderman couldn’t name the last time he felt so struck, so ridden with want, like fleas crawling around in the hair of his beating heart, nipping at him and driving him crazy the longer he stared into Shedletsky’s soothing eyes – it was parasitic, the way warmth radiated off of him and clung like stickers. It’s been years since the last time he felt so alive. He felt like more than just some robotic drone that spouted commands and useless updates, coming up with problems and solutions, humoring the stock markets and talking about money all the time, or sending people to work, making meetings, going to meetings, looking at graphs and work, work, business, business, BUSINESS, work, WORK all the TIME-.. he actually felt.. like.. like himself.
And he only had one person to thank for it.
He felt himself light up at Shedletsky’s confession, but was still too surprised to find a proper response. Shedletsky.. The sword dueling king-of-the-world troll who did nothing but annoy people all of the time – was admitting to something like this? It looked like a fantasy.
But, no.. it was in front of him. Right there, in his reach, embosomed between his arms.
Builderman shifted on his feet a little,
This whole situation was so cumberous, but as Shedletsky picked up on Builderman’s response.. He couldn’t sense sarcasm, nor could he find judgement. All he found was surprise, and maybe, just to his ears.. It sounded a little accepting.
Shedletsky’s eyes trailed down, his voice slithering off, rolling quiet against the air.
Builderman took in the silence that followed afterwards. The way Shedletsky tilted his head down, the way he avoided contact as if it was a plague, and yet his hands were still entrapped in the fabric of Builderman’s jacket, it was all so intimate.
“..Not easy to come to terms with, is it?”
Shedletsky’s eyes teleported back onto the CEO’s for a moment before he returned them back to the totally interesting floor, his features turning a bit softer, realizing that.. Yeah, maybe this was a safe space. Builderman still didn’t sound judgemental. He didn’t sound dangerous or grossed out. Shedletsky appreciated that. But.. the real question was, could Builderman relate? Is that why he’s being so nice right now? Not that the man wasn’t generally nice, but, normally, in a situation like this, he’d typically be sitting there getting ridiculed right about now if Builderman were anybody else.. Shedletsky listens to the hum of the wind before looking back up.
Builderman pauses. Then, he answers. Truthfully.
“I think so. I never liked guys ‘till now.”
He shrugs his shoulders, as if he’s been aware of this discovery. Shedletsky felt envious of his perseverance, over how unbothered Builderman seemed to look sometimes.
The admin’s eyes widened, and he quipped another question.
“Now?” He was alarmed. But, not afraid. Just shocked. Did Builderman actually..
“Yeah, uh. What I was gonna say earlier, was..”
Suddenly, he feels his cheeks go numb with heat. Shedletsky senses the hesitation as Builderman’s throat ceases to form more words.
What he wanted.. Or, needed to say, wasn’t something he could take back.
He knew that well, it’d been on his mind since.. He doesn’t know when.
Builderman wasn’t sure what he was scared for, when they’re close like this.
He can feel the rise and fall of Shedletsky’s stomach against his own, the way their hands intertwine so effortlessly around each other’s form as if it was their normal, as if they held each other like this everyday. They both knew that deep down.. this wasn’t something that friends do.
He needed to break this off,
Something that was, sure, unfamiliar,
It was the right thing to do.
He let spit glide down his scratching throat one last time before he spoke breathlessly, as if it caused him agony just to press his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
They both ogle at each other, time seeming to stretch on to the very corners of the universe, their eyes both gleaming and vast in color, their ears ringing in disbelief.
Shedletsky’s heart was racing, and Builderman couldn’t claim that he didn’t feel his organs pumping, too. Blood was rushing fast to his face, to his fingers, to his chest, legs, hands, everything was on a spitfire, his mind a sandstorm.
Shedletsky blinks. Was there grain in his ears? Did he hear that right?
The admin mewls questionably, his tone low and testing, like poking a bear with a stick. The word didn’t feel real when it slipped off his lips, but Builderman felt the same.
Another split second of silence consumed the tense air before Builderman muttered quietly,
Builderman confirmed. He hesitated before nodding a little more firmly after he spoke.
“Yeah..” He chants yet again, gentler this time, as if saying it once wouldn’t have sealed the deal.
Shedletsky felt his stomach caving in. If sounds could punch, he’d be a bloody, pulpy mess with the way that Builderman’s words slipped in and trickled his brain. His heart raced faster, his lungs deeming themselves useless as he held his breath, and yet he felt he was gasping for air. As selfish and as much as it sounded like a dumb fantasy, he wished that he could press his mouth against Builderman’s and steal his breath. He let those thoughts bubble up inside him a little longer, until he eventually snapped and decided that silence was the very last thing this situation needed more of. His eyes glimmered, “I like you too.”
He spoke, rushed, as if time was seeping through his fingers. His entire body was on fire, his senses sharp and yet dulled like the edge of a used sword.
But, the admin thought about it for a moment longer, his brows creasing.
..No, ‘like’ was an understatement. Shedletsky blinked, looking appalled at himself for lying so accidentally. He corrected himself, his voice stronger, firmer, more confident.
“No, no. Builds, I love you.”
He knew what he said, and Builderman picked up on it quickly. The CEO stuttered,
A confession like that was the last thing he had expected to come out of today.
When he ran into Shedletsky, he assumed it would end with them parting ways again. With things staying awkward and boring and estranged forever, with them waving it off like it didn’t hurt. He hated the idea of that, but he didn’t have to dwell on it for long. Not anymore.
His friend, his buddy, his co-worker, his admin, his partner – the love of his life was standing in front of him, confessing with all the might he had left that he, too, felt the exact same way that he did. Builderman couldn’t control himself. His tongue moved and wisped before he could even make out another coherent thought, his voice gruff, deep and low.
Shedletsky felt his eyes light up again. His heart was pounding so loud he could hear it ringing throughout his own head. Builderman let one of his hands trail up to the admin’s neck, he could feel his heart rate through the pulse. The older of them stared for a moment longer before mummering out a quiet beckon,
Shedletsky immediately responded. He shifted forward on his feet again, dragging his hands away from Builderman’s chest, all the way back down over his sides and to the middle of the CEO’s back where they tied together. Shedletsky buried his face in Builderman’s clothed breast, his eyes fluttering closed as he resisted the urge to squeal and mutter out how grateful he was. He was so, so grateful this was all working out. Finally, after concealing his feelings for so long, he didn’t feel trapped anymore.
Builderman’s fingers moved from the sides of the admin’s throat to the back of his head, one of his hands shifting upward into his curly, brown strands of hair, letting them twirl majestically in between his thick digits, the locs coiling around him like snakes, pulling him in closer and resting his stubbled chin against the top of Shedletsky’s head. Shedletsky cooed, a flustered hum throttling out of his throat. He tried to suppress making noise, but it wasn’t restrainable. He wasn’t injured, and yet this feeling assaulting his abdomen was the greatest pain he thinks he’s ever felt before. He couldn’t get enough of it, as if his partner was a drug he couldn’t keep himself away from.
Not in the friendly way, but a real partner. As he held Builderman tighter, his arms snaking around and squeezing the older one deathly, he couldn’t get that thought out of his head. They were together. No, really together. He nuzzled himself tenderly, sliding his muzzle from the man’s chest all the way up to the smokey-grey, rough skin of his neck, his soft lips idly pressing against the open flesh. Builderman held back a gasp as Shedletsky removed one of his hands from his lower half, only to make contact with his nape, the admin turning his head and peppering lip-lined stamps across his throat. The dry, softness of his lips drove Builderman half crazy, his palm holding the back of Shedletsky’s head a little tighter, a silent invitation to keep going.
He murmured, his words vibrating through Builderman’s pulse. As Builderman swallowed, suppressing noise, Shedletsky could feel the spit gliding down the inside of his throat as he pressed down another kiss. Both of their feet shifted against the sidewalk, a sudden gust of cold wind gliding through clothes and hair and trees, the rustling of skin and nature combined into one – creating a beautiful, intimate picture.
They were sure glad nobody was around to see this, not this time.
…Builderman opened his eyes suddenly…
..They were in public. Again.
But, the admin below him was much too blissful. Shedletsky paid zero mind to their surroundings, something he was really good at apparently. In fact, he started to nibble on the skin that he kissed, his teeth serving as that perfect mix between pain and paradise. A small grunt emitted from the bulkier man, and he had to force himself out of a trance.
Builderman snapped his hands down to Shedletsky’s chest, pushing against his shirt and pulling him off effectively, his grey hands intertwined between the white fabric. Shedletsky let out a small chirrup, blinking profusely before staring in confusion. He was very visibly alarmed, did he do something wrong? Before he could really ask anything, Builderman cleared his throat, the blush on his face turning from arousal to embarrassment.
“How about.. you come with me.”
Before Shedletsky could argue, a large hand suddenly met his wrist, tugging him with force that made him annoyed and yet a little too excited. Shedletsky let out a small yelp, a tiny exclamation of surprise, complaining at the slight ache of his wrist. Builderman shrugged it off, his mind much too focused on leading a straight, clear path.
Builderman walked to the back of the HQ, away from the dead plants, away from the plain sidewalks and away from the possibility of people seeing them. Eventually, when they were far enough away, they were both met with the view of a parking lot. It was relatively empty, with most of the remaining solid-color cars being people who decided to pull all-nighters, the invisible occupants busied within the workplace. The sun was almost completely down at this point, and yet the dark, serene blue in the sky lit up the ground just enough that they could see as clear as day.
Shedletsky was on alert the entire time, but he felt his stomach start to turn again as they entered the parking lot. This was a rather quiet area – and for it being out in public, they could, still, probably get away with a lot.
They could especially get away with being in a car, is what he began to think about when Builderman shifted his unoccupied hand into the pocket of his yellow-stitched blue jeans, pulling out a set of jingling keys, pressing his thumb against a lock button. Following the gesture; a loud beep emitted from a car in the far, distant, abandoned back of the lot, the area mostly covered by trees and shadows.
Shedletsky could’ve sworn his clothes normally felt more loose than this.
When they finally reached the empty vehicle, Builderman was quick to discard the car keys back into his pocket and let his digits circle around the handle of the door, revealing the back passenger seats. Shedletsky felt his stomach turn when Builderman practically slapped his hand onto his, only to flip him around and over onto his back, closing the door behind them as the admin’s spine hit the bed of the seat, a feeble grunt emitting from the core of his throat at the impact. Shedletsky’s hands landed above his head as Builderman took both of his wrists into his own grasp, straddling the swordsman below him, locking his arms into place. The way that Builderman held him looked like it came naturally, as if this was just something they were used to. But, no. Not at all. The mix of horror and excitement in both of their faces proved otherwise – a silent, wordless understanding; yes, they wanted this.
Shedletsky whimpered as Builderman pressed his hips against his own, the fabric of the CEO’s jeans mixing with the drawstrings of Shedletsky’s swimming trunks. Shedletsky tilted his head to the side, his eyes half-lidded and hazy, and Builderman took it as an invitation. Just as Shedletsky had done to him earlier, he laced his lips against the soft flesh of his neck, the tables turning beautifully. Even though Shedletsky was squirming, he never really wanted to leave this spot. The confidence was wiped off of his face, and for once in his life, he didn’t mind it. Builderman lifted his lips, only to sink his teeth into the admin, Shedletsky emitting a strangled moan as pastel-orange hickeys began conforming with his skin. His noises began to muffle when Builderman leaned back and then lunged toward him again, locking their lips in an aggressive, needy kiss. The dryness of their thirsting mouths didn’t last long when tongues began to poke at each other, hot saliva coating their lips like an icy blanket, the burn trailing through their esophagus all the way down to their gut.
Builderman pulled back only slightly, his voice deep and raspy, a flame of want firing his voice, “Ya don’t know how long I've been waitin’ for this.”
Shedletsky let out a delirious chuckle, the half-drunken tone in his partner’s voice amusing him and catching him off guard. He shifted in his spot a little, pushing his hips up again as he spoke,
“Waiting for what?” he teasingly questioned, Builderman’s face heating up at the motion against his hips. He groaned softly before burying his grey, stubbled muzzle into Shedletsky’s neck again, running his lips continuously over the spots where he had previously attacked.
“T’ make ya mine.” He elaborated, his voice dripping with need.
Shedletsky’s smirk began crawling back onto his face, the temptation to use this intimate moment as a catapult for teasing was a thought he simply just couldn’t resist.
“Pretty sure it’s illegal to own people.” Shedletsky quipped facetiously. Despite shaking like a leaf with every touch that Builderman dimed him with, he was still the world’s most unserious Robloxian. Shedletsky was almost immediately met with Builderman’s fingers tightening harder around his wrists, the CEO’s veins pumping with arousal and annoyance, a lot like their last ’encounter’.
Builderman let out a loud, heaving sigh, leaning back up slightly to glare Shedletsky in the eye, halting any other movement of his body as he silently judged the man underneath him.
“That’s not what I mean.” he grumbled.
Shedletsky stared for a moment before letting out another giggle, laughter threatening to bubble up his throat. He shrugged, shaking his head and pretending to be clueless.
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean..” Shedletsky joshed. Though, his smirk was wiped away as Builderman let go of one of his wrists, only to then feel a harsh pressure against the middle of his neck, his head being held down.
“You know damn well what I mean, Shed.” Builderman threatened flatly. Shedletsky stared in shock for a long moment, until he eventually came to his senses again, letting out an embarrassed jump of laughter from under his strained breath.
“You got me..” Shedletsky whispered, his letters shivering, his eyes wide and his pupils small as he tried his best to hide how flustered he was. But, his efforts didn’t matter. Builderman could see straight through his act.
Builderman’s thick fingers trailed from Shedletsky’s neck to the bottom of his chin, cupping the admin’s head and tilting it back as if he were examining a luxury, priceless artifact. As Shedletsky dared to look him back in the eyes, Builderman felt his heart stop, the glimmer in the admin’s eyes was better than any jewel or dish.. The love and adoration he felt within that moment hit him like a harsh gust of wind. He wanted to strip Shedletsky, to take his clothes off and wear it all for himself. He wanted to sit here in this car all day until the night passed, tasting him and licking him up and down. Oh, his thoughts were so lewd.. Normally, when he was reminded of these fantasies, he’d feel grossed out. He’d be quick to shoo them away or shoot them down until he could finally clear his head again…
..But.. he was right there. In front of it all. It wasn’t as much of a fantasy anymore as it was reality. The planet stopped spinning the moment he got the world into his hands – His world.
The silence stringing between them wasn’t awkward, but it was uncomfortable, only because they knew what they wanted. The anticipation ran through them like a wildfire.
Like a perfectly molded puzzle piece; every kiss and movement and position and every second of prolonged eye contact and teasing conversation and the hitch of their breath.. He could stare at the picture all day.
It felt as if anything else in his life, past or present, never even mattered. The only thing that held any meaning to him was the way that Shedletsky piped down, looking at him so submissively, as if he felt the same way. He wished he could spend a day in Shedletsky’s body – he wished he could explore every thought and desire of the other man. He had always wondered what it was like to run his hands all over that yellow skin, and it was finally appropriate.
It was expected for them to be in this position now, because they’re partners. There wasn’t any restraint, not any longer. They didn’t have to use ’getting angry at each other’, or ’it’s stress relief’, or ‘we got carried away’ as an excuse anymore.
They could just.. Do this.
Not in the office, not in public.
They could do this in their own privacy now. It didn’t feel weird anymore, it didn’t feel dangerous.
It felt safe. It felt comfortable, being put in a position like this with him.
Shedletsky let out a nervous whimper from under his breath as Builderman shifted his other hand away from the admin’s wrist, leaving them free, but Shedletsky’s stomach was soon occupied with prying hands. Shedletsky winced a little bit, arching his back timidly, the breath being taken out of him without force. He didn’t know whether he should try moving or switching positions or not, he was afraid of breaking the moment, but the way that affection surged through him made him almost feel aggressive. Aggressive in a friendly way. Well, a loving way.
Shedletsky let Builderman’s name roll idly over his lip, emitting a soft sound that made the CEO shiver, like listening to crystal raindrops roll down a sheet of glass. It sent a tingle up his spine, shifting to move his hands closer to the rim of Shedletsky’s trunks. Shedletsky felt fire burning in his abdomen, the urge to slap Builderman away was strong, but he knew deep down that he really didn’t want this to stop. The admin brought his fingers forward from behind his head, locking them sweetly with the sides of Builderman’s jaw, pulling him into a serene kiss. Builderman returned it without hesitation, humming through the thin coat of spit layered between them. Shedletsky returned the gesture, mumbling a short ’I love you’ from under his breath. Builderman trailed his fingers to feel the inside of Shedletsky’s shorts where his hips were, caressing the bare skin.
The car started to smell like them, the windows getting darker as the sun only continued to set, the air lengthening with fog at each article of clothing that dared to slip off.
The only people watching them this time were the birds who passed; a wildlife audience who went and came as they pleased, unamused by the show that they put on inside of this locked vehicle. After all, it was in their nature to love each other.
Just as it is in the nature of a wolf to eat a rabbit, or a seal to swim in the sea, or a hawk to roam the air, or for swans to form a heart with one-another – the way they locked and twisted their lips together could only be described as unbridled instinct, the need to get close to someone who helped them survive in a world full of wildfires and pollution and littering and relentless destruction – their hearts were forests that could only be cleansed with a shared, authentic and deep understanding of their mutual love, value, respect and patience for one-another. Everything they’d ever missed in a person, they found in each other; the dark, bleeding dissension of pain in their chests being tied up with a bandaid of yellow and grey skin.
Hey guys, hope you enjoyed reading! I know some of you were waiting a while for this, so I hope it lived up to your expectations. If not, pretend that this never happened XD! I've been writing this since around Oct - Nov of 2025!! It's 2026 now :,D
This is my first time ever writing about internalized homophobia, so I tried to write it in the most respectful manner that I could. I hope I did it right! :,^ Goodbye pupperkins, see youuu next time!
