random little stories

a compilation of random little stories that my friends and I have written admin: Cataria, personal blog n3petacataria. members: Tom, personal blog wholock-tumblin and ceruleanplatinum. May have NSFW content by one member.

[randomlittlestories]

i wrote some PUKE

The blood-stained television set stared at Dave as he watched Pierrot double up on the ground with pain and fear. The Duke lay on the sofa in shock, nervously eyeing the television as though something could jump out of the set and claw him to death. Dave stood, thinking of what to do. He had been in many situations, but none quite like a demonic television. Pierrot threw up on the carpet, adding to the deep red stains on it. His eyes swarmed with tears and his face was covered in stomach fluids. At this, the Duke averted his eyes away from the static screen and focused on Pierrot. He slowly pulled himself up from the sofa and dropped to the floor, beginning to crawl towards the crouching figure still throwing up. Warm arms wrapped around Pierrot, calming him down. Sniffing, Pierrot raised his arms weakly to hug the Duke back. It looked almost like a scene of comfort from a horror movie, with some kind of cinematic nostalgia. Yet Dave was missing it all, instead picking up a glass vase filled with dirty plant water and throwing it on the carpet. Pierrot and Duke ignored the resulting crashing sound, bringing each other’s faces in for a mutual kiss. The hissing television set watched on as lips met and passionate pecks entertained the screen. Dave yelled. Crackling sparks leapt from the box. Circuits shorted and smoke puffed out of the technicolor screen as the rainbow way died. And Pierrot and Duke still kissed, on a display of flying lights. The Duke didn't care that Pierrot smelt like sweat and puke, or that his face was covered in half-digested food scraps. Pierrot was his, and he was Pierrot’s. Dave had collapsed over the marble kitchen bench in an attempt to find a spot to rest. His body was rolled over the entire bench, having knocked over any inconvenient objects (dinnerware) that was in the way. The result was, of course, a floor peppered with glass, china and pools of condiments and fruit. Pierrot and Duke had drifted away to the dream lands themselves, their bodies on top of each other in an odd fashion. Duke didn't seem to mind that his face lay on top of Pierrot’s now hours old spew. The first to stir was Dave, who didn't take long to understand his situation. He rolled off the bench and onto the messy carpet, the perfect wake up call for a stressed hit man. He looked up and was relieved to see that the television he had been worrying over so much was dead. He knew, however, that this meant the girl inside it must be gone too. He didn't care. Dave stumbled to his feet and, trying to balance himself, staggered over to the pile of half naked babes in front of the TVC 15. Dave suddenly had a mind to join their half conscious hugging but then took a whiff of the stink and decided it best not to. They needed to clean themselves big time if they wanted to escape this hell hole of an apartment.

[randomlittlestories]

!

I’ve got to clarify a few things @n3petacataria 1. ads have appeared. aaaagain when will they quit 2. my primary blog is no longer wholock-tumblin it is now @bowiebowiebowiebowiebowie

[bowiebowiebowiebowiebowie]

Rumours

I feel obliged to tell you this. It’s been several years since it happened, and I’m still shaken by it. I was hanging around inside a vintage store in April that year, with my friend Annie. This particular vintage store was very interesting, for at the back of the store was a collection of rare and intriguing objects. But what interested me the most was a clown suit, displayed on a mannequin. Annie thought I was crazy to like that thing. I have my reasons why. I never considered buying it, but this time was different. We were going to a party at a beach in Miami and I needed a costume. After all, Daniel was going as a rockstar, so why not me? As I was admiring the clown costume, the owner of the shop came to me. “So, you interested in this?” he asked. “Yeah,” I responded, and noticed Annie sighing. The owner smiled at me. “Well,” he said, “I’ve heard rumours about this costume. I dug this thing out of a strange wooden box. Some say it’s cursed.” I laughed. Cursed? The owner, noting my laugh, said, “I’ve heard the previous owners died only days after they obtained this. And every single time they passed away, they were found wearing it.” Annie looked uncomfortable at this. The owner reassured us. “It’s…only rumours, and I don’t know if that’s true.” I slapped Annie’s back, and said, “Well, I’ll take the risk, if it means an amazing cosplay.” We left the shop with the costume in a box. The next day, we left for the Miami party, Annie was coming as a ‘sexy nun’. We got to enjoy the lovely sunset and the bright lights in a beach house. The sun was almost down and the sky a rich orange when we walked down to the beach. I told Daniel I was going to get dressed in the clown costume and rushed back to the car. I dug around, trying to find it under all our clothes and junk food. Being unable to find it, I sighed and yelled at Daniel. “Dan, did you steal my costume?” Daniel shook his head. “Nah. You can’t find it?” I sighed. “No. I’m going to ask Annie.” However, Annie didn’t need asking. She came down from the beach house, wearing my costume, and full on makeup. Daniel looked as surprised as I was. “Annie?” he said, “You’re actually wearing that?” I giggled a little. “What changed your mind about it?” I asked, unable to contain my laughter. Annie didn’t respond, or even look at us. She just kept on walking, towards the water. “Annie, what are you doing…” Daniel called out. Daniel’s words fell on deaf ears. Annie waded into the waters until it reached her torso and she spun around. I was amused. Daniel continued to talk to her. “Annie, come out of the water now, you’re going to get the clothes soiled…” This time, Annie did respond. “I never done good things,” she sang out to us, arms outstretched from side to side, “I never done bad things.” Daniel laughed a little. “Okay, that’s funny. Come out now, please.” Annie simply stared back at us. “I never did anything out of the blue, oh no,” she called, beginning to sink into the water. “Annie,” I shouted, half-laughing, “This is crazy.” Annie had now disappeared under the water. Bubbles soon began to rise to the surface. My face slowly dropped. Moments passed, and she still wasn’t out. Suddenly, the hat popped out and floated on the surface. Daniel yelled, and ran to the water, and I followed him closely. To our horror, blood started to pool on the surface. Daniel staggered back, shouting expletives and running. I ran back to our camp, past our warm campfire and into the car, aiming to call an ambulance. But sitting there, in the passenger seat, was Pierrot’s clothes, blue clown suit and all, complete with the pearly white hat. I am never listening to Ashes to Ashes ever again.

[randomlittlestories]

Ben's Monster

"Katy. Kaaaty." Katy spun around to see her brother poking her arm. She rubbed her sore forearm and sighed. "Ben, stop," she groaned. Ben's eyes widened. "It's the monster in the closet, Katy." Katy crossed her arms. She had no time for this shit. "Ben, there is no monster in the closet." She kneeled down so her eyes were level with Ben's. "Nothing will come out of that closet, Ben," she reassured him. Ben shook. "But Katy, something really comes out to get me every night," he complained, voice quivering slightly. Katy hugged Ben close to her. Her warm hug comforted Ben. He knew Katy would be by his side. He was safer now, just for one day. Time passed and it was night. The stars gleamed and shone through Ben's shimmering bedroom window. Katy was getting his bed ready, tucking every corner in. Ben smiled at her, then took a glimpse of the open doors of the closet, revealing a gaping black hole. He swore he saw a pair of gleaming eyes in it. "Katy, I... I..." He pointed at the closet. Katy looked around, and turned back to Ben. "There's nothing there, I assure you. Come on, time to sleep now." "But there's definitely something in the room, Katy," Ben half-squealed. Katy sighed. "If there was something here, I'd know. Now, sleep time." She stared deep into Ben's eyes, the eyes sending the message that he was overreacting. "Okay, Kate. Night," he mumbled, growing sleepy. Katy smiled. And just as Ben's eyes fluttered shut, she grinned, revealing rows of sharp teeth.

[randomlittlestories]

The revenge of erisolsprite: now with more gore and buddy christs

By assholedouchebag69

((I do not own any of this - its another story generated from http://fanficmaker.com/ ))

On a cold september, after my great adventures, I was wondering what to do that week. I had picked up my life from where I left it and wanted to make something from it. Then all the sudden a strange woman appeared on my doorstep. She was hiden beneath a long cloak and had long brown nails on her fingers. Her dirty hair fluished down from beneath the cloak and she had glowing eyes!

“You are not who you think you are!” said the strange woman.

“What do you mean?” I said.

“You are not who you think you are,” she said again with a mysterious crackling voice like a bad radio transmission.

“I still don’t understand you?” I said.

“Here, take this,” she said and gave I an Buddy Christ.

“Take this and give it to your parents or guardian, they will know what to do with it!”

And with that she disappeared before my eyes!

I was confused but thought that I had to do something. But rather than going to my parents or guardian, I decided to show it to Gamzee Makara.

“Oh no,” said Gamzee Makara, “you must forget about this!”

“Why?” I enquired, “what do you know?!”

“I… I can’t tell you. My dear Eridan Ampora, I didn’t think it would be this soon!”

“What?!” I yelled, “are you keeping things away from me?!”

“It’s …. it’s for your own good! You cannot know this!” said Gamzee Makara and before I could do anything, Gamzee Makara had escaped my grasp.

“No! Dammit! When will I ever know the truth?!”

I was feeling depressed. One of my best friends abandoned and betrayed me. It hurt. So I wanted to find assholedouchebag69. After their adventure, I and assholedouchebag69 had been spending a lot of time together. I kind of started to like her.

So I went to assholedouchebag69 and told the whole story. She listened to me without saying a single word.

Then she said: “WTF, this is sooo big”

And I said: I know! Do you know a way to find out what is happening? Why is everyone hiding things from me?!“

assholedouchebag69 sighed and said: "You have always been special, I and not just to me.”

“How do you know that?”

assholedouchebag69 looked at the hand mirror that I had received and said: “it kind of looks like the porn folder, doesn’t it?”

“could be…but it might not be…but, yeah,certainly it might be”

“Whatever it is, I can recognise it quite well. And I think,” assholedouchebag69 said, “that perhaps the mysterious woman wanted you to find something inside of you.

"Inside? Like my heart?”

“No, don’t be silly, like a mamory. Think about it, if your parents lied to you and now Gamzee Makara doesn’t want to talk to you about your background, perhaps there is a hidden memory in your head!”

assholedouchebag69’s logic was flawless. So I had to try it!

So I concentrated on the object. immeditately I felt drawn into it. It stated ouit as a vague, fuzzy thing like when you wear glasses and there is a lot of moisture in the air and you see a alarmclock on the horizon.

But then it turned out that there was a secret memory, hidden beneath the vail layer of self-loving in my head.

And within that memory, a burning figure appeared. It was Erisolsprite! In hell…

I was confused. I didn’t think that memory would be in there, and yet it was there, burning like the heart of a newborn star and the centre of the earth.

Arriving at the mysterious shack, I found that there was an item laying on the table in the shack. Around the shack was a mysterious circle drawn in sand or perhaps salt.

“Be careful” said Sollux Captor who as usually was cowardly squatting behind me. (notez: cuz lulz, Sollux Captor is such a tool). I carefully manuvred into the shack and on my tiptoes and scuttled forward. The floorboards beneath my feet croaked and I could hear a loud hummer coming from the table. There the porn folder laid. Right there for my taking.

But I was clever. I knew it was a trap!(notez: so obvious lulz!)

So I said to Sollux Captor, “Why don’t you take it, it looks safe.”

And Sollux Captor was like “Oh, well, if you’re sure, I will!”( notez: he so gullablez lulz!)

I slowly paced backwards and let him to do the taking. I knew that if it was a trap, Sollux Captor would be triggering it. And then Erisolsprite would get him, but not me. I knew Sollux Captor wouldn’t mind sacrifcing himself for me. He always said that.

But forutnately when Sollux Captor grabbed the porn folder, nothing happened. Except we were cowardly attacked by robots!

They decended into the shack and fired shurikons at us, but we managed the dodge them quite well (by turning sideways).

We then sneaked away by using the furniture and table as cover for us.

But now with the porn folder in our hands, we could take Erisolsprite straight on!

So we snuck into the Erisolsprite’s lair. It was dark and there were horrofic things on the walls.

Through the dark and dank corridors of the lair’s naughty rooms we went with outmost silence and skill. We sneaked past all the guards who had been turned into horrible bears by Erisolsprite’s new invention. And this would also happen to the whole world if they wouldn’t be able to steal the porn folder from Erisolsprite’s hands!

They went down the corridors and up the large majestic stairways made of bones and jewls of all shapes and sizes sprinkled with saffron.. One of the corridors led towards a great hall where in the middle of the hall stood a pedestal with a treassure chest on top and on that a red velvet pillow upon which laid a white silk finely woven cloth. And on that laid the porn folder.

I knew that I had to use his being an asshole (which I learned from Eridan Ampora) to get the porn folder but it would explode if he didnt believe in himself enough. Assholedouchebag69 inhaled firmly and wondered if I could pull it off. Gamzee Makara stood ready with his weapon in his hand . I concentrated firmly and then carefully but powerfully unleashed my stupidity.  

It worked! Eridan Ampora was amazed at my skill! The shielding around the porn folder desolved like knife though hot butter. It was amazing how my’s use of stupidity was effective against Erisolsprite’s inconceivable powers.

Unfortunately for our plunky heroes, it wasn’t enough

“GRRRRRrr” said a creapy voice. Everyone quickly turned to face the entrance of the hall where the voice came from.

It was Erisolsprite! And he looked even less humane as before. He had used the power of the porn folder to transform into a horrific tragedy of a humanoid.

“Ha! Are you surprised by my new looks?” he said. “It is amazing! The powers I have now are beyond your comprehension!”

“My comprehension is really good,” I retorted and Eridan Ampora and friends looked proud.

“Hahaha of course yours is. But are you able to comprehend the future of this world? I bet you aren’t that smart after all. I will rule the world now, you see and there is nothing you can do to stop me! Even when Eridan Ampora taught you evreything he knows!”

“But,” said Erisolsprite with a lower tone, “even though you are not as smart as I am, you are surprisingly capable so I wish to make this offer: join me and we can rule this world together!”

“Never in a million billion years!” screamed Eridan Ampora!

“Think about it, you can now still save your friends! Make them stop mutate ebefore I release my powers!”

I saw Eridan Ampora becoming frightened. I knew he wanted to keep assholedouchebag69, Sollux Captor, Feferi Peixes and Gamzee Makara alive but I could not get Erisolsprite get away with it! But then I remembered: Erisolsprite no longer had the porn folder! He was powerless!

But as if Erisolsprite could read my mind, Erisolsprite spoke: “Oh and your scheme to steal the porn folder? I no longer need it! I have gained all the power from it that I need in order to mutate everyone in the whole world! But not that you even considered going against me, I will destroy you. Such a shame, we could be such good…friends.”

“assholedouchebag69 would never be friends with you!” said Feferi Peixes

“It is too late now anyway, said Erisolsprite, my plan is active now and I will give you the best place to enjoy it: from your prison cell!”

Erisolsprite laughed and said to his guards: “lead them to my  dungeon where you will suffer for all eternity in agony .

But I had not forgotten Eridan Ampora’s being an asshole. With the stealth and strenght that I learned from his previous adventures, he winked and unleashed the stupidity.

Erisolsprite had not expected that. He thought he had trapped me and my friends and managed to demoralise them so much they would not resist.

"Arggg!” Erisolsprite said. His guards did not know what to do. Their leader was too weak against this onslaught. What could they do against that sort of might? So they all fled!

“Argh, noooo!” Erisolsprite extrapolated, “I was soo close to ultimate power!”

Seeing my succesfully attack Erisolsprite, Eridan Ampora, Feferi Peixes and Sollux Captor also attacked Erisolsprite!

“Arigh, no, noooo!”

“I will unleash my final power!” Erisolsprite said and raised his arms to the sky and started hissing an evil curse.

But Eridan Ampora was too quick. He ran towards Erisolsprite and hit Erisolsprite in the tummy. He was knocked out instantly. Everyone was happy and everyone was cheering for Eridan Ampora who had avoided the apocalypse! Eridan Ampora thanked me for my inspiration and actions. And now we all went home and wait until our next adventure!

[randomlittlestories]

I need to stop doing this story generators.

[randomlittlestories]

The revenge of erisolsprite: now with more gore and buddy christs

By assholedouchebag69

((I do not own any of this - its another story generated from http://fanficmaker.com/ ))

On a cold september, after my great adventures, I was wondering what to do that week. I had picked up my life from where I left it and wanted to make something from it. Then all the sudden a strange woman appeared on my doorstep. She was hiden beneath a long cloak and had long brown nails on her fingers. Her dirty hair fluished down from beneath the cloak and she had glowing eyes!

"You are not who you think you are!" said the strange woman.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"You are not who you think you are," she said again with a mysterious crackling voice like a bad radio transmission.

"I still don't understand you?" I said.

"Here, take this," she said and gave I an Buddy Christ.

"Take this and give it to your parents or guardian, they will know what to do with it!"

And with that she disappeared before my eyes!

 I was confused but thought that I had to do something. But rather than going to my parents or guardian, I decided to show it to Gamzee Makara.

"Oh no," said Gamzee Makara, "you must forget about this!"

"Why?" I enquired, "what do you know?!"

"I... I can't tell you. My dear Eridan Ampora, I didn't think it would be this soon!"

"What?!" I yelled, "are you keeping things away from me?!"

"It's .... it's for your own good! You cannot know this!" said Gamzee Makara and before I could do anything, Gamzee Makara had escaped my grasp.

"No! Dammit! When will I ever know the truth?!"

I was feeling depressed. One of my best friends abandoned and betrayed me. It hurt. So I wanted to find assholedouchebag69. After their adventure, I and assholedouchebag69 had been spending a lot of time together. I kind of started to like her.

So I went to assholedouchebag69 and told the whole story. She listened to me without saying a single word.

Then she said: "WTF, this is sooo big"

And I said: I know! Do you know a way to find out what is happening? Why is everyone hiding things from me?!"

assholedouchebag69 sighed and said: "You have always been special, I and not just to me."

"How do you know that?"

assholedouchebag69 looked at the hand mirror that I had received and said: "it kind of looks like the porn folder, doesn't it?"

"could be...but it might not be...but, yeah,certainly it might be"

"Whatever it is, I can recognise it quite well. And I think," assholedouchebag69 said, "that perhaps the mysterious woman wanted you to find something inside of you.

"Inside? Like my heart?"

"No, don't be silly, like a mamory. Think about it, if your parents lied to you and now Gamzee Makara doesn't want to talk to you about your background, perhaps there is a hidden memory in your head!"

assholedouchebag69's logic was flawless. So I had to try it!

 So I concentrated on the object. immeditately I felt drawn into it. It stated ouit as a vague, fuzzy thing like when you wear glasses and there is a lot of moisture in the air and you see a alarmclock on the horizon.

But then it turned out that there was a secret memory, hidden beneath the vail layer of self-loving in my head.

 And within that memory, a burning figure appeared. It was Erisolsprite! In hell...

 I was confused. I didn't think that memory would be in there, and yet it was there, burning like the heart of a newborn star and the centre of the earth.

 Arriving at the mysterious shack, I found that there was an item laying on the table in the shack. Around the shack was a mysterious circle drawn in sand or perhaps salt.

 "Be careful" said Sollux Captor who as usually was cowardly squatting behind me. (notez: cuz lulz, Sollux Captor is such a tool). I carefully manuvred into the shack and on my tiptoes and scuttled forward. The floorboards beneath my feet croaked and I could hear a loud hummer coming from the table. There the porn folder laid. Right there for my taking.

 But I was clever. I knew it was a trap!(notez: so obvious lulz!)

 So I said to Sollux Captor, "Why don't you take it, it looks safe."

And Sollux Captor was like "Oh, well, if you're sure, I will!"( notez: he so gullablez lulz!)

I slowly paced backwards and let him to do the taking. I knew that if it was a trap, Sollux Captor would be triggering it. And then Erisolsprite would get him, but not me. I knew Sollux Captor wouldn't mind sacrifcing himself for me. He always said that.

But forutnately when Sollux Captor grabbed the porn folder, nothing happened. Except we were cowardly attacked by robots!

 They decended into the shack and fired shurikons at us, but we managed the dodge them quite well (by turning sideways).

We then sneaked away by using the furniture and table as cover for us.

 But now with the porn folder in our hands, we could take Erisolsprite straight on!

So we snuck into the Erisolsprite's lair. It was dark and there were horrofic things on the walls.

Through the dark and dank corridors of the lair's naughty rooms we went with outmost silence and skill. We sneaked past all the guards who had been turned into horrible bears by Erisolsprite's new invention. And this would also happen to the whole world if they wouldn't be able to steal the porn folder from Erisolsprite's hands!

They went down the corridors and up the large majestic stairways made of bones and jewls of all shapes and sizes sprinkled with saffron.. One of the corridors led towards a great hall where in the middle of the hall stood a pedestal with a treassure chest on top and on that a red velvet pillow upon which laid a white silk finely woven cloth. And on that laid the porn folder.

 I knew that I had to use his being an asshole (which I learned from Eridan Ampora) to get the porn folder but it would explode if he didnt believe in himself enough. Assholedouchebag69 inhaled firmly and wondered if I could pull it off. Gamzee Makara stood ready with his weapon in his hand . I concentrated firmly and then carefully but powerfully unleashed my stupidity.  

 It worked! Eridan Ampora was amazed at my skill! The shielding around the porn folder desolved like knife though hot butter. It was amazing how my's use of stupidity was effective against Erisolsprite's inconceivable powers.

Unfortunately for our plunky heroes, it wasn't enough

 "GRRRRRrr" said a creapy voice. Everyone quickly turned to face the entrance of the hall where the voice came from.

It was Erisolsprite! And he looked even less humane as before. He had used the power of the porn folder to transform into a horrific tragedy of a humanoid.

"Ha! Are you surprised by my new looks?" he said. "It is amazing! The powers I have now are beyond your comprehension!"

"My comprehension is really good," I retorted and Eridan Ampora and friends looked proud.

"Hahaha of course yours is. But are you able to comprehend the future of this world? I bet you aren't that smart after all. I will rule the world now, you see and there is nothing you can do to stop me! Even when Eridan Ampora taught you evreything he knows!"

"But," said Erisolsprite with a lower tone, "even though you are not as smart as I am, you are surprisingly capable so I wish to make this offer: join me and we can rule this world together!"

"Never in a million billion years!" screamed Eridan Ampora!

"Think about it, you can now still save your friends! Make them stop mutate ebefore I release my powers!"

I saw Eridan Ampora becoming frightened. I knew he wanted to keep assholedouchebag69, Sollux Captor, Feferi Peixes and Gamzee Makara alive but I could not get Erisolsprite get away with it! But then I remembered: Erisolsprite no longer had the porn folder! He was powerless!

But as if Erisolsprite could read my mind, Erisolsprite spoke: "Oh and your scheme to steal the porn folder? I no longer need it! I have gained all the power from it that I need in order to mutate everyone in the whole world! But not that you even considered going against me, I will destroy you. Such a shame, we could be such good...friends."

"assholedouchebag69 would never be friends with you!" said Feferi Peixes

"It is too late now anyway, said Erisolsprite, my plan is active now and I will give you the best place to enjoy it: from your prison cell!"

Erisolsprite laughed and said to his guards: "lead them to my  dungeon where you will suffer for all eternity in agony .

 But I had not forgotten Eridan Ampora's being an asshole. With the stealth and strenght that I learned from his previous adventures, he winked and unleashed the stupidity.

Erisolsprite had not expected that. He thought he had trapped me and my friends and managed to demoralise them so much they would not resist.

"Arggg!" Erisolsprite said. His guards did not know what to do. Their leader was too weak against this onslaught. What could they do against that sort of might? So they all fled!

"Argh, noooo!" Erisolsprite extrapolated, "I was soo close to ultimate power!"

Seeing my succesfully attack Erisolsprite, Eridan Ampora, Feferi Peixes and Sollux Captor also attacked Erisolsprite!

 "Arigh, no, noooo!"

"I will unleash my final power!" Erisolsprite said and raised his arms to the sky and started hissing an evil curse.

But Eridan Ampora was too quick. He ran towards Erisolsprite and hit Erisolsprite in the tummy. He was knocked out instantly. Everyone was happy and everyone was cheering for Eridan Ampora who had avoided the apocalypse! Eridan Ampora thanked me for my inspiration and actions. And now we all went home and wait until our next adventure!

[randomlittlestories]

Homestuck: Return of the P*rn

by assholedouchebag69

 ((I have written not a single word of this fic - it was generated from this brilliant website: http://fanficmaker.com/ ))

((NSFW))

Warning: This fic might contain spoilers for Homestuck, so be sure to see all of it before reading this.

---

Eridan Ampora stopped and gazed into space.

Oh no.

It was happening; He couldn't help thinking about Feferi Peixes again. He tried not too. Desperate to avoid the thoughts that could not be, no, - would not be- held back.

But like dozens of unstoppable diplodocuss they came creeping forward  till they filled His brain;

Feferi Peixess smile shined like tin foil, as impressive as a rhino, it filled the farmhouse and Eridan Ampora was helplessly but willingly absorbed into them.

Feferi Peixess eyes were like marss.If you rolled them they would go quite far.

(Almost as lovely as mine. lol!/AN)

Feferi Peixess legs were like a guy on stilts. Straight and tight.

(Mine are best though. Lol!/AN)

Feferi Peixess chest was like a Hippalectryons. Powerful and impossible to ignore.

(For the purposes of this story, I am going to pretend that Feferi Peixess arnt as good as mine/AN)

How could Eridan Ampora not be helpless in the face of that?.

I mean, sure, Eridan Ampora and Feferi Peixes had sex with eachother before, when they met at a club once, but it was just a casual thing. One of many that night.

Before things got too messy Eridan Ampora snapped out of it. But the thoughts of Feferi Peixes would be back. Would He be able to resist next time?

---

Eridan Ampora, Assholedouchebag69 and Sollux Captor were all sitting in their house that they owned one day.They had been doing that to keep Assholedouchebag69 hormones under controll......

---

Interlude:

Eridan Ampora was finding it really hard to concentrate at this movement his thoughts kept trying to think of Feferi Peixes. Despite what was happening, it was hard to focus!

----

Assholedouchebag69 was taking a shower this hot day.

She was naked, enjoying the water dripping over her wet, naked body.

She was washing the blood off her body from the recent monsters she had just killed.

...the water smoothly rolled over her firm breasts.

The blood driped off like whipped cream in the ocean.

...the water dripping down her Meat curtains. "OwwwhhhOwwhhh" she said from the pleasure;

She had just finnished doing Bonestorming using a swimsuit. She was dreaming of Eridan Amporas manly lance pulsating inside her.

Then, suddenly, Eridan Ampora walked in..

"Sorry I have to interupt you, naked in the shower, but we must go!"

"What? im taking a shower, Im naked, cant you see that?"

"yes, I can see that you are naked, in the shower" Eridan Ampora said.

"But we must go...Gamzee Makara is back!."

"What not Gamzee Makara!!!" she punched the shower head out of anger.

"Yes!"

"Oh!"

assholedouchebag69 got out of the shower and put some clothes onher hot steaming naked body.

After she was no longer naked, they left to defeat Gamzee Makara.

Along the way they ran into Sollux Captor, who joined them on their quest.

"I will join you on your quest to defeat Gamzee Makara said Sollux Captor.

"Thanks for joining us on our quest," said Eridan Ampora;

"Yes, we need your help to defeat Gamzee Makara" said assholedouchebag69.

So, assholedouchebag69 Eridan Ampora and now assholedouchebag69 left by jump-jet for their epic quest to defeat

Gamzee Makara!

And they journeyed long and far too reach their destined encounter with fate which was foresaw by a soothsayer with the ability to predict the future that hasn't happened yet!!....

.

"We must journey now to yonder to defeat thee the evil spacecommander of evil and to defeat thee and return spread our magic to this realm of Alternia!"

"Yes, Letus the final battle commencement start!"

It must be here somewhere, but I have no idea where it could be", wondered Eridan Ampora

At that moment, Sollux Captor fell down some steps near a cave.

At the bottom was Gamzee Makara`s new spaceelivator!

As they entered, it was strangely and creepily abandoned.  

"Come on" said Eridan Ampora

"Right behind you" said assholedouchebag69 bravely steping forward

..and then they went on their way!

"Ok, he is sure to be in the penthouse sweet in his warehouse " said Karkat Vantas pressing the correct elevator button

The elevator went up a few floors. SUDDENLY there was a bang on the roof!

"down!" shouted Feferi Peixes.

And they did. Which is just as well, because seconds later...

The hatch opened and a couple of mercenaryss with swords pirouetted down.

"oh god! What are we going to do!?" said Sollux Captor

"We gota think fast" said Karkat Vantas.

"Ok"

"I know you dont like violence, Eridan Ampora, But you have to do this. Do it for me. please.." Said assholedouchebag69

Eridan Ampora thought about all the people he had murdered recently because of his fate.

"Ok, your right, I know we have to fight them" said Eridan Ampora who did a massive mighty super kirate kick just as the first soldier landed

but it missed!. Fortunatly assholedouchebag69 was there to catch Eridan Ampora. And did a turbo ninja kick in return causing boobs to bounce which knocked them unconscious.

"Nice work. But its not over yet! Look!"

A massive mercenarys appeared, but they killed him.

Ding! They had reached their floor.

---

And then, at the worst possible moment. It happened. Again.

Eridan Ampora gazed at Feferi Peixes.

It was impossible to resist this time. Like a reliant robin Eridan Ampora was pulled towards Feferi Peixes. It was a like flank in a war. It was a like a tommygun piercing through His heart. (and other lower regions of the body) It was a like magnets.

There was No resisting. No mercy. No Pants. No longer anything else mattered.

Feferi Peixes looked shocked and then...and then...not shocked. She had known all along.

Of course. How could Eridan Ampora have been so stupid? Those long looks at eachother,the times they gazed at the stars together, the candle lit dinners. The steamy showers.. The non stop sex.

It wasn't just friendship. It never was. It was more and Feferi Peixes had known all along.

"I knew" Feferi Peixes said.

"oh" Eridan Ampora said, realizing all this for the first time.

But there was more...Feferi Peixes wasn't pulling away. She was pushing tighter. Holding Eridan Ampora like a wild lynx.

At some point their clothes came off.

They got ripped in the process of the pashioning

He didn't care. This is what He had needed for so long. too long. Saturday. maybe more.

But this was now now.

Eridan Ampora and Feferi Peixes together at last!

They canoddled like lovers and made love with their naughty bits.

They took it in turns inserting their bits into eachother. Eridan Ampora inserted his bit into Feferi Peixes. Then Feferi Peixes inserted her bit into Eridan Ampora. They repeated this a few times.(Toys were used)

Afterwards (when they had finished cleaning their bits)they looked at eachother longingly.

But they knew they must leave.

They didn't want anyone to see.

Eridan Ampora took one last look at Feferi Peixes.

"Goodbye my snuggly one"

"Love you too, my one and only Eridan Ampora"

And then they departed.

---

"So you have come" said a voice booming from the sky

A jump-jet appeared above them.

Gamzee Makara laughed at them from it.

"Ha Ha Ha Ha"

"I could gun you all down from here with my sabre, but I would rather do this...personal style."

he leaped down and landed at the far side of the rooftop

"Ready?" he said, still laughing.

Eridan Ampora removed his shirt and flexed his abs.

"Yes. I am ready. "

With that they leaped at eachother, metaphorical guns blazzing (which were littoral rayguns).

"I kill you dead"

Gamzee Makara head butted Eridan Ampora in the chest

Blood splashed onto the floor.

Eridan Ampora fell backwards in pain punching a few times before crashing to the ground.

"Ha Ha Ha Ha" laughed Gamzee Makara

"You could never have defeated me, so why did you even try?"

"I had too, for all that is good and just in the world."

"Well now you will die. Goodbye."

Gamzee Makara leaned over Eridan Ampora holding his penis.

"Quick Eridan Ampora use this!" said assholedouchebag69 ,chucking a nearby Crusifix towards Eridan Ampora.

Eridan Ampora grabbed it and chucked it towards Gamzee Makara hard, knocking him backwards....off the edge of the tall farmhouse they were on!

"Goodbye, Gamzee Makara have a nice fall!"

"ARrrrrgggg"

SPLAT!

Some blood sprayed up and splashed on them.

"We are safe now, he fell to certain doom."

Sollux Captor and Karkat Vantas got out from the cornor where they were cuddleing. "Thank you, you saved us all"

"Dont mention it."

So they left the tower and went home. They lived happily ever after and had lots of kids.

The End

[randomlittlestories]

Not a story but...

Were the creators of that story generator high when they made it??

[randomlittlestories]

Dirk's Vampire

A Teen Vampire Story by Cataria and the story generator

There's a stable new boy in Sludgeside and he has everybody talking. Stunningly hot and devastatingly strong, all the boys want him. However, Jake English has a secret - he's a arrogant vampire.

Dirk Strider is a smart, cool boy who enjoys strife. He becomes fascinated by Jake who can stop hippos with his bare hands. He doesn't understand why he's so standoffish.

His best friend, a hilarious troll called Roxy, helps Dirk begin to piece together the puzzle. Together, they discover the ultimate weapon - the sharp, silver katana.

When bodies start turning up all over Sludgeside, Dirk begins to fear the worst. The troll urges her to report Jake to the police and he knows he should, so what's stopping him?

He may resist Jake's bite, but can he resist his charms?

Will he be caught kissing with the vampire?

[randomlittlestories]

Rose Lalonde's Diary

A Passionate Romance by Cataria and the story generator

Rose Lalonde is a smart, curvy and hopeful writer from Earth. Her life is going nowhere until she meets Kanaya Maryam, a stunning, beautiful woman with a passion for kissing.

Rose takes an instant disliking to Kanaya and the peculiar and vile ways she learnt during her years in Alternia.

However, when a eridan tries to misconduct Rose, Kanaya springs to the rescue. Rose begins to notices that Kanaya is actually rather admirable at heart.

But, the pressures of Kanaya's job as a swordsman leave her blind to Rose's affections and Rose takes up reading to try an distract herself.

Finally, when rude lawyer, Vriska Serket, threatens to come between them, Kanaya has to act fast. But will they ever find the passionate love that they deserve?

[randomlittlestories]

Dave Strider, the Troll

A Fantasy Novel by Cataria and the story generator

In a hive there lived a wobbly, pretty troll named Dave Strider. Not a frozen false, solid hive, filled with bottles and a chubby smell, nor yet a fluffy, ugly, tattered hive with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a troll-hive, and that means annoying neighbours.

One day, after a troubling visit from the human Karkat Vantas, Dave leaves his hive and sets out in search of three derelict swords. A quest undertaken in the company of dragons, clowns and beautiful cherubs.

In the search for the human-guarded swords, Dave Strider surprises even himself with his sick raps and skill as a professional a.hole.

During his travels, Dave rescues a stone, an heirloom belonging to Karkat. But when Karkat refuses to try stabbing, their friendship is over.

However, Karkat is wounded at the Battle of Skaia and the two reconcile just before Dave engages in some serious stabbing.

Dave accepts one of the three derelict swords and returns home to his hive a very wealthy troll.

[randomlittlestories]

Two Mean Uncles Murdering to the Beat

A Short Story by Cataria and the story generator

Terezi Pyrope was thinking about Gamzee Makara again. Gamzee was a deranged clown with fragile elbows and pointy legs.

Terezi walked over to the window and reflected on her derelict surroundings. She had always loved creepy Alternia with its vain, villainous violence. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel angry.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a deranged figure of Gamzee Makara.

Terezi gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a malicious, wild, faygo drinker with tall elbows and slim legs. Her friends saw her as a lazy, large lawyer. Once, she had even brought a worried baby dragon back from the brink of death.

But not even a malicious person who had once brought a worried baby dragon back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Gamzee had in store today.

The stupid teased like kissing dragons, making Terezi hateful. Terezi grabbed a sharp club that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Terezi stepped outside and Gamzee came closer, she could see the colorful glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want kismesissitude," Gamzee bellowed, in a daring tone. He slammed his fist against Terezi's chest, with the force of 5805 clowns. "I frigging hate you, Terezi Pyrope."

Terezi looked back, even more hateful and still fingering the sharp club. "Gamzee, I hate you," she replied.

They looked at each other with shocked feelings, like two grated, gentle goats fighting at a very scheming apocalypse, which had reggae music playing in the background and two mean uncles murdering to the beat.

Terezi studied Gamzee's fragile elbows and pointy legs. Eventually, she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you kismesissitude," she explained, in pitying tones.

Gamzee looked sad, his body raw like a kaleidoscopic, keen knife.

Terezi could actually hear Gamzee's body shatter into 9303 pieces. Then the deranged clown hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of faygo would calm Terezi's nerves tonight.

THE END 

[davidbowiestardis]

I never thought that One Direction could make me laugh

I accidentally screwed up improved “What Makes you Beautiful”

(with thanks to the lyrics generator)

basically space oddity f*cked up with one direction

You’re Ground Control, Don’t know what for, You’re turning heads when you take your protein pills, Don’t need make-up, To cover up, Being the way that you are is enough,

Everyone else on Earth can see it, Everyone else but you,

Major Tom, you light up my world like nobody else, The way that you wear your helmet gets me overwhelmed, But when you leave the capsule it ain’t hard to tell, You don’t know, Oh, oh, You don’t know you’re Ground Control, Major Tom, if only you could hear me, You’d understand why I want you so desperately, Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe, You don’t know, Oh, oh, You don’t know you’re Ground Control, Oh, oh, That’s what makes you Ground Control

This is Major Tom To Ground Control To prove I’m right I’m stepping through the door And I’m floating in a most peculiar way And the stars look very different today

Everyone else on Earth can see it, Everyone else but you,

Major Tom, you light up my world like nobody else, The way that you wear your helmet gets me overwhelmed, But when you leave the capsule it ain’t hard to tell, You don’t know, Oh oh, You don’t know you’re Ground Control, Major Tom, if only you could hear me, You’ll understand why I want you so desperately, Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe, You don’t know, Oh oh, You don’t know you’re Ground Control, Oh oh,

That’s what makes you Ground Control

Na na na na na na na na na na Na na na na na na [x2]

Major Tom, you light up my world like nobody else, The way that you wear your helmet gets me overwhelmed, But when you leave the capsule it ain’t hard to tell,

You don’t know, Oh oh, You don’t know you’re Ground Control,

Major Tom, you light up my world like nobody else, The way that you wear your helmet gets me overwhelmed, But when you leave the capsule it ain’t hard to tell, You don’t know, Oh oh, You don’t know you’re Ground Control (Oh), Major Tom, if only you could hear me, You’ll understand why I want you so desperately (desperately), Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe, You don’t know, Oh oh, You don’t know you’re Ground Control, Oh oh, You don’t know you’re Ground Control, Oh oh,

That’s what makes you Ground Control

[davidbowiestardis]

lyric generator

That’s What Makes You A Tin Can

In The Style Of One Direction by Totally Not David Bowie

Lately I found myself floating (floating) Been dreaming about you a lot (a lot) And up in my head I’m your boyfriend (boyfriend) But that’s one thing you’ve already got.

You’re Ground Control, Don’t know what for, You’re turning heads when you take your protein pills, Don’t need make-up, To cover up, Being the way that you are is enough.

Major Tom, you light up my world like nobody else, The way that you put your helmet on gets me overwhelmed, But when you leave the capsule it ain’t hard to tell, You don’t know, Oh, oh, You don’t know you’re Ground Control, If only you saw what I can see, You’d understand why I want you so desperately, Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe, You don’t know, Oh, oh, You don’t know you’re Ground Control, Oh, oh, That’s what makes you Ground Control.

I’ve tried playing it cool, But when I’m looking at you, I can’t ever be a Tin Can, ‘Cause you make my heart smoke.

One way or another I’m gonna leave the capsule, I’m gonna get you, get you, get you, get you. One way or another I’m gonna take your protein pills, I’m gonna get you, get you, get you, get you.

It feels like I’m constantly floating, 'Cause I can’t compete with your boyfriend, He’s got two hearts.

[davidbowiestardis]

lyric generator

If I was your floating Starman

In The Style Of Justin Bieber by Totally Not David Bowie

Oh Yeah ahh ahh

You know you love me, I know you care Just sing whenever, and I’ll be there You are my Major Tom, you are my heart And we will never ever ever be apart

If I was your Starman, I’d never let you walk Keep you on my arm, you’d never be alone I can be your hands, anything you want If I was your Starman, I’d never let you walk, I’d never let you walk

Ziggy, Ziggy, Ziggy ahh ahh Like baby, baby, baby nooo Like Ziggy, Ziggy, Ziggy ahh ahh I thought you’d always be mine (mine)

When I met you Ziggy my tin can went knock knock Now them spiders in my hair won’t stop stop And even though it’s a struggle love is all we got So we gonna keep keep floating to the mountain top

There’s gonna be one more tin can going knock knock One more tin can going knock knock One more tin can going knock knock

Your ass, my biggest weakness Shouldn’t have let you know I’m always gonna do what they say (hey) If you need me I’ll come to Earth From a thousand miles away When you DJ I DJ (oh whoa) You dance, I dance Hey

Na na na, na na na, na na ahh ahh Yeah Major Tom Na na na, na na na, na na na ahh ahh If I was your Starman Na na na, na na na, na na na ahh ahh Na na na, na na na, na na na ahh ahh If I was your Starman

My friends say I’m a fool to think That you’re the one for me I guess I’m just a floating fool for my Ziggy

Oh no

[randomlittlestories]

MSPARP

A MSPARP roleplay i was involved in. I played nepeta, and i though the karkat was particularly good

CG: NEPTETA!

CG: HAVE YOU SEEN MY FUCKING SOCKS!?

CG: SOMEONE STOLE MY ENTIRE *FUCKING* SOCK DRAWER AND MY FEET ARE COLD AS SHIT!

AC: :33 < oh hi karkat

CG: SERIOUSLY, WHO THE FUCK DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!

AC: :33 < im not sure

AC: :33 < i can assure you i pawsitivly had absolutely nothing to do with it

CG: UGH, WELL, HAVE YOU SEEN ANY LYING AROUND OR SOMETHING?

CG: THEY'RE GRAY, NOT GREY, AND ANKLE-HIGH

AC: :33 < there are definitely none around here!

AC: :33 < but uh... you dont n33d to check or anything

CG: I SWEAR TO EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY IN THIS WORLD TO ANY AND ALL INDIVIDUALS OF ANY SPIRITUAL CONSTITUTION WHATSOEVER, I WILL FIND WHO TOOK MY SOCKS, AND WHEN I DO

CG: I'M

CG: GOING

CG: TO

CG: *KILL*

CG: THEM

AC: :33 < 3333333333p

AC: :33 < uh

CG: I CAN'T EMPHASIZE ENOUGH

CG: THE KILLING THAT WILL TAKE PLACE

CG: LIKE, AT LEAST 6X AS MUCH MURDER AS YOU COULD PROBABLY FATHOM

CG: SEE, NEP, I HAVE POOR CIRCULATION

CG: AND MY FEET ARE LITERALLY BURNING FROM THE COLD RIGHT NOW

CG: PRETTY IRONIC, BUT

CG: OVERALL EXCRUCIATING

AC: :33 < uhuhahaha...

AC: :33 < stealing socks is totally not something i would do

AC: :33 < nor terezi

AC: :33 < and definitely not on a dare

CG: TEREZI?

CG: WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND

CG: OH MY FUCKING LORD, THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!

CG: SHE DID IT!

CG: TO GET BACK AT ME FOR WHEN I WENT OVER TO HER HIVE AND TOUCHED LEMONFACE MCWHATEVER ACCIDENTALLY!

CG: UGH, THIS IS ACTUALLY SO LIKE HER

AC: :33 < uh yes! sure! you dont n33d to check my room though

CG: ANYWAY, I GUESS I'M OFF TO SEEK WANTON VENGEANCE AGAINST TEREZI NOW, PROBABLY IN SOME HORRENDOUSLY VIOLENT FASHION

CG: THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, NEPETA, I'LL BE SURE TO TELL TEREZI WHERE I GOT THE EPIPHANY

AC: :33 < uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

AC: :33 < maybe dont mention it to her

CG: FIRST I PROBABLY NEED TO FIND SOME CRUTCHES, OR SOMETHING

CG: SEEING AS I CAN BARELY WALK WITH THESE POPSICLES I'M CALLING FEET

CG: MAYBE I SHOULD ASK TAVROS IF HE HAS A SPARE WHEELCHAIR

AC: :33 < you purrobably wont find terezi in her room though

CG: WHAT, WHY NOT?

CG: DO YOU KNOW WHERE SHE AND MY STASH OF SOCKS ARE?

AC: :33 < noooooooooo

AC: :33 < noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

CG: HM.

CG: THE EXCEEDINGLY AND INCREASINGLY LONG SERIES OF "NO" THAT I'M HEARING IS, FOR SOME CONTRARY REASON, STARTING TO SOUND ODDLY AND SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A "YES"

CG: OH MY GOD, NEPETA, IS SHE HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE ALONG WITH MY SOCKS??

AC: :33 < oh

AC: :33 < uh

AC: :33 < sure!

AC: :33 < yes that is the thing that is happening!

CG: GREAT TROLL SCOTT, QUICKLY! TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE!

CG: I'LL COME AND, WITH MY NEWFOUND MURDEROUS FURY, WILL COME TO RESCUE YOU AND MY SOCKS!

AC: :33 < 333333p

AC: :33 < um

AC: :33 < would you like fur her to be awake when you arrive?

CG: WHAT?

CG: WAIT, ARE YOU IMPLYING SOME KIND OF ESCAPE PLAN?

CG: STRIKE WHEN SHE'S SLEEPING?

CG: BRILLIANT, NEPETA!

AC: :33 < um yes!

AC: :33 < i will gather up the socks for a quick getaway

CG: THANK YOU FOR YOUR BRAVERY, NEPETA

AC: :33 < ahahaha yes

AC: :33 < totally

CG: WHERE ARE YOU, AGAIN?

CG: I'LL BE ON MY WAY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

AC: :33 < okay!

AC: :33 < im in my room

CG: OKAY, I'LL BE THERE IN AN INSTANT

CG: *A SICKLE CUTS A HOLE THROUGH YOUR DOOR MAYBE 10 SECONDS LATER, ALONG WITH LOTS OF SCREAMING*

CG: TEEERRRREEEZZZZIIIII!!!!!

CG: HERE'S KARKLES!

AC: :33 < *ac starts shrieking, in the process of gathering up a huge pile of socks. terezi is asl33p in another part of the room*

CG: *BLINKS*

CG: OH RIGHT. STEALTH

CG: *TIP TOES OVER, SAID TOES WRAPPED IN SWEATERS FOR MAKESHIFT SOCKS*

AC: :33 < ahahahah a... youre here... *ac says quietly, for stealth*

CG: *WHISPERS* YES, QUICKLY NOW, GRAB AS MANY SOCKS AS YOU CAN AND LET'S GO

AC: :33 < *ac takes off her coat and loads as many socks into is as she can fit... which is conveniently all of them. heh, who wouldve thought. its not like ac has done this before, dont be silly*

CG: GREAT, YOU HEAD BACK TO MY ROOM

CG: I'M GOING TO DEAL WITH TEREZI...

AC: :33 < um, maybe you should just leave her...

AC: :33 < and i cant carry all these! *ac drops some of the socks on "accident"*

CG: *DIVES TO THE FLOOR AND CRADLES THE SOCKS BEFORE RIPPING OFF THE SWEATERS AND WEARING THE PROPER SOCKS*

CG: OH SWEET LORD

CG: OKAY, SURE. I WILL HAVE A STERN TALKING TO WITH HER LATER.

AC: :33 < okay!

CG: *GATHERS UP THE DROPPED SOCKS AND SNEAKS OUT THE BROKEN DOOR*

AC: :33 < *ac warps the remaining socks in her coat and dashes after him*

CG: *OPENS THE DOOR TO MY ROOM AND ENTERS, RUSHING TO THE DRESSER TO PUT AWAY SOCKS*

AC: :33 < *ac stops next to cg, and holds the socks,waiting for him to take them and put them away*

AC: :33 < *ac looks at the socks sadly*

CG: *FINISHES PUTTING AWAY ALL THE SOCKS INTO THE DRAWER*

CG: WELL, NEPETA, I THINK WE'VE LEARNED SOME VERY IMPORTANT THINGS TODAY.

AC: :33 < yes?

CG: FIRSTLY, THAT MY APPARENT TRIGGER FOR THE UNBRIDLED AND MERCILESS RUTHLESSNESS THAT MOST OF TROLLKIND IS KNOWN FOR IS THROUGH MY LACK OF PROPER FEET ATIRE

CG: AND SECONDLY

CG: *CLICKS A LOCK ONTO THE SOCK DRAWER*

AC: :33 < *ac looks sadly at the lock*

CG: WELL, ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL

CG: THANKS NEPETA

AC: :33 < uhuh

[randomlittlestories]

The Hail that Pounded like Laughing Maggots

A Short Story

by Untitled writer Sarah Jane Smith had always loved quiet Glasgow with its wandering, warm waters. It was a place where she felt anxious.

She was a patient, gracious, cocoa drinker with blonde fingers and solid ankles. Her friends saw her as a bad, bright banker. Once, she had even helped a squiggled deaf person recover from a flying accident. That's the sort of woman she was.

Sarah walked over to the window and reflected on her sunny surroundings. The hail pounded like laughing maggots.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of the Doctor . the Doctor was a snotty muppet with wide fingers and tall ankles.

Sarah gulped. She was not prepared for the Doctor.

As Sarah stepped outside and the Doctor came closer, she could see the puny glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want affection," the Doctor bellowed, in a ruthless tone. He slammed his fist against Sarah's chest, with the force of 4782 gerbils. "I frigging love you, Sarah Jane Smith."

Sarah looked back, even more lonely and still fingering the enchanted guillotine. "Doctor, let's move in together," she replied.

They looked at each other with ecstatic feelings, like two precious, perfect pigeons rampaging at a very mean bar mitzvah, which had piano music playing in the background and two noble uncles loving to the beat.

Sarah regarded the Doctor's wide fingers and tall ankles. She held out her hand. "Let's not fight," she whispered, gently.

"Hmph," pondered the Doctor.

"Please?" begged Sarah with puppy dog eyes.

The Doctor looked sleepy, his body blushing like a muddy, mouldy map.

Then the Doctor came inside for a nice mug of cocoa.

THE END