Random Rozansky

Accounts of a life in transit - mostly on the LIRR, always at the mercy of my T-Rex arms and overactive imagination.

[randomrozansky]

On the theme of planes are my new LIRR here is the realtime report I messaged to Patrick upon boarding a red eye tonight: 8:44pm: I feel like the guy in the row across from me bought 3 seats so he can sit in the middle with no one on either side of him. 8:45pm: He's also wearing sunglasses 8:45pm: I'm a little perturbed 8:47pm: Is that possible? 8:47pm: Lol I feel like I need to watch him 8:48pm: Ok well if something happens he's a white guy in shades 8:49pm: He's eating gummi snacks 8:49pm: Maybe it'll be ok that would be a shitty last meal 8:49pm: HUZZAH SOMEONE SAT WITH HIM 8:50pm: ok now I can keep both eyes shut

[randomrozansky]

Plane starts to land and a guy's phone diagonally behind me starts incessantly pinging. I don't care because we are so close to being off the plane freaking out about it won't make much of a difference. The women behind me however didn't agree and started LOUDLY losing their shit about how obnoxious it was. Then the guy's friend who was sitting in front of me chimed in about first world problems and the lady directly next to me decided to throw her unsolicited opinion in the mix and agreed how rude the phone pinging was. At this point 3 things happened: 1) a flight attendant told people to stay seated and made an understandable plea to the guy to put his phone on silent for the greater peace which he did 2) not wanting to have any part of this discussion and not wanting to be blamed for the rude comment from the woman next to me because I thought everyone was blowing everything out of proportion I worked on making my facial expression match my internal feeling of "I DO NOT HAVE A HORSE IN THIS RACE PLEASE DO NOT INVOLVE ME JUST CALL ME SWITZERLAND BUT REALLY DON'T CALL ON ME AT ALL" 3) I realized the adrenaline rush / taste of fearful creeper curiosity at how it would all play out in my mouth was exactly the feeling I've been missing now that I don't commute on the train every day. TL; dr - airplanes are my new LIRR but people are more restrained in their screaming because they have to stay buckled in and facing forward until we land.

[randomrozansky]

This morning I boarded the train and was startled by a pigeon who popped out into the aisle. I said, "oh, hello there!" out loud and the pigeon walked away from me peacefully.

It was one of the more normal exchanges I've had on the LIRR.

[randomrozansky]

Claws are out on the LIRR this morning!

For the sake of clarity I'll refer to one woman as Mariah and the other as J. Lo:

J. Lo is in a three-seater with a suitcase taking up part of the row. Mariah gets on the train and pushes into J. Lo and her suitcase to sit.

J. Lo: I was sitting there.

Mariah: Your suitcase was and it belongs up on the shelf.

J. Lo: If I had the strength I would have put it up there.

Mariah: [huffs] Well that's where it belongs.

J. Lo: There's no reason to be nasty about it.

Mariah: [silent stare, giving off "I don't know her" vibes].

And then Mariah's cell rings loudly and she does nothing about it for too long for proper train etiquette. Her phone also has all her notifications pinging for me to hear.

Ruling: Both of these women have made me uncomfortable before 9am. But also had me like this when the cat fight started:

[randomrozansky]

Being a total creeper because I found myself doing a double take and staring at the guy sharing a row with me on the LIRR - I’m dying to ask him where he found a full nachos and quesadilla platter in Penn Station??

I keep looking to figure out if maybe he brought it with him / how many levels of deliciousness exist in this platter?!

Also waiting to see how these containers for dipping into sour cream and salsa being held steady in his lap are going to work out on this swaying train.

[randomrozansky]

When you use your fake name of Kelly to order tea because you think it's more foolproof than Kara and the barista dubs you Chorlete instead. Now have a new version of a Prince classic in my head and silently singing "Little Red Chorlete" to myself on the LIRR.

[randomrozansky]

"We've made it, last stop is Long Beach. If you're sleeping you can't sleep anymore you've got to get up. Remember to take your trash with you, don't be that guy." - LIRR conductor breaking it all down in layman's talk.

He also earlier said, "this is the train to Long Beach, you're going to love it there!"

[randomrozansky]

On the way home for Erev Yom Kippur, entered an old LIRR car and besides the usual non-nostalgic 70s scent there's also no air on in here.

Currently in a sauna and accepting it as an early start to my atonement.

[randomrozansky]

Bringing out my inner bard so I don't turn around and gawk at this shrill-gorged woman piercing the most sacred parts of my brain. From Act IV scene 2 riding on the LIRR #IBiteMyThumbAtYou

[randomrozansky]

I SHIT YOU NOT I rode with another angel today. This one told me after I later commended her for saying something so firmly but politely that the girl was lucky she was having a good day.

[randomrozansky]

From the Book of LIRR Train Etiquette

[randomrozansky]

I've seen too many horror movies / psychological thrillers. Someone is whistling beautifully on the LIRR and instead of thinking of Disney Princesses with their woodland friends I keep looking over my shoulder, creeped out and expecting a musically-inclined murderer.

[randomrozansky]

I'm irritated but also awed this girl is taking breaking LIRR etiquette to a new level: talking on her cell about inane things ON SPEAKER PHONE. The guy across from me feels the same we just had a non-verbal meeting about it.

[randomrozansky]

A lady behind me on the LIRR broke into a few chords of Hanson's MMMBop. Now she's talking to someone on the phone cursing and sounding irate. I was more freaked out by the spontaneous Hanson throwback if I'm being honest.

[randomrozansky]

On a packed LIRR train. I'm seated but people are standing in the aisle next to me. A young woman stood right next to my seat and proceeded to bend over / semi squat to the point that her butt kept rubbing against my arm and shoulder. This went on long enough to be more awkward and less momentary-booty-grazing. I'm seated next to someone so I couldn't move away. I then had a Carrie Bradshaw moment as I couldn't help but think to myself, "am I sexually harassing her or is she sexually harassing me right now?" (She didn't realize, but she eventually had to move forward to make room for other people so I'm in a butt free zone now).

[randomrozansky]

OK so maybe it's confusing but the #LIRR saying isn't "no shoes on the seats" it's "no FEET on the seats."

[randomrozansky]

🍀Life of Dublin🍀VOL 2! A comic I made in honor of my superhero godson, Dublin, turning one! I wrote the story and billbig hooked it up with the awesome artwork.