Ransacked Thoughts

"When the pain becomes so intense you have to accept the situation by completely relaxing" -David Blaine

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In life people will only remember how you made them feel. Be nice. - Bryanne Iris

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Oops Tuesday night. I'm just embarrassed. Meant no harm to my family.

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AND I REPEAT “everybody is not supposed to be in your life forever”

AND I SAY IT EVEN LOUDER

“everybody is not supposed to be in your life forever”

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I want to wake up sober

see what the sunrise means to me

‘cause I’ve been getting colder

and nothing means anything.

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They will come because your heart glows in the dark... because there is love in your throat

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Substance Abuse

I am my mother’s daughter. Remeber kids alcohol is a drug too...

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All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems... But all these stars are silent. You-You alone will have stars as no one else has them.

The Little Prince

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Healing?

I’m trying to find anything to ground myself to help heal this hurt.... but I can’t. 

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I wish the pain in me would commit suicide

Russ

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Dear Dad,

I fall asleep with your scratched up silver watch. The same one I gave you for Christmas. The same one that you wore to every school conference, figure skating practice, school play, doctors appointment, daddy daughter date and my high school graduation. The same one you wore during our last Christmas together, your last birthday, my last birthday, with you. The same one you wore everyday, even the day you died. The same one I took off your wrist from your lifeless body in that excessively large, but unsettling quiet emergency room, it’s clutchted tightly in the same hand I held your finger with when I would fall fast asleep as a child.

The difference now while it may be the same watch, I’m not longer a child, and I’m no longer able to fall fast asleep.

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“Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice…”

-Your voicemail when I called you tirelessly for three days before they found you dead

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And again the exact same thing, with my grandma, this time. I should have been there I should have been better. I shouldve have learned the first time.

[st-a-y]

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I just want to stop thinking, and seeing

[hidayxh-deactivated20190505]

are you healed, or just distracted

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I really dont think I can do it this time. I want be with my Brother and Grandad.

I just want to go home.

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Bipolar Disorder Problems #2374

After a week of mania... here comes the downward spiral of depression again.

All I've done is slept and cried and accomplished basically nothing. please help I feel like I'm drowning, I know its temporary but for how long this time?