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The River

Christmas Eve fic time... this one’s a gift for all my fellow Remi fans out there! It’s a bit AU, quite long and post s4e8. Again, it probably makes no sense that Christmas happens then but... I wanted to send Remi and Weller on a winter adventure so why not make it a holiday-ish fic too :P

*

The fight had been short but brutal. His wife was deadly even while dying herself. Or, more accurately, the terrorist inhabiting his wife's body was both effective and relentless. But Weller had a surprise for her, a fitting one, considering she'd once planned something similar for him.

Weller's body ached as much as his heart when he plunged the syringe into her neck and Remi fell into his arms. Even now, it was so hard not to think of her as Jane - to remember that she was his enemy.

When Patterson called, Weller was grinding his jaw, thinking about the experimental procedure they were about to put her brain through. He understood that it was dangerous, that he might lose Jane entirely in trying to get her back. But he had to try, no matter the risks involved. He knew how much Jane would hate Remi's actions since commandeering her body again. And she had always been daring with her own life, even without a single memory in her head. She would definitely be in support of trying anything to regain control of her consciousness.

Surprisingly though, Patterson wasn't calling about the procedure they were about to do on Jane's brain. Instead, she told him a long-winded story of a series of loot boxes in a certain highly popular videogame that ended up leading her to the location of one of Roman's caches, the one that was supposed to tell them where to find the cure.

The catch was, the cache was in a time-sensitive location and, of course, the only window was the next twenty-four hours. Patterson was going on about how the loot boxes had been programmed to only drop at a specified time, based around a militia's scheduled attack, but Weller wasn't listening anymore. He had all the information he needed and the answer he came up with was surprisingly clear.

"But Weller," Patterson added. "This is a two-person mission and you'd have to leave immediately. So, you'd have to go with…"

Kurt glanced over his shoulder where Remi was lying unconscious, carefully strapped into the backseat of the SUV.

"Do you trust her?"

Fuck. She had just caused a fake nuclear attack and broken her terrorist mother out of a CIA black site. Then he'd tricked her into their meeting and drugged her. It was hard to see how they were going to work together considering that recent history.

But then again, they had managed during that fiasco at the evidence warehouse. Even with the hostility between them, they had done fairly well once they'd shared goal.

So no, he didn't trust her. But she'd had months to kill him and hadn't. Which had to mean something.

And, regardless of all that, he was desperate to keep her alive. Willing to do anything as long as he had a chance of getting Jane back in the end.

Weller pretended to ignore Patterson's question and pushed through his many reservations.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

*

She woke up disoriented, her head and heart both pounding. Her eyelids were too heavy to lift yet so Remi did her best to gather info with her other senses.

The cold metal of a handcuff was around her wrist and she felt the rumble of a small engine plane.

Was she already on a flight to some CIA black site?

Remi tried to ignore the unbidden flare of emotion that followed that thought - what could have been a twinge of disappointment. Even though she'd been eager to leave Weller behind after the warehouse situation, she still thought he'd want to talk to her before giving her over to a government sanctioned torture chamber.

Not that she ever wanted to see him again, she was just surprised he hadn't wanted to see her.

Remi finally forced her eyes open at that point, suddenly needing to confirm what her sinking gut was telling her. Maybe there was still a way to escape and get back to Shepherd so they could restart the whole operation.

She was a little surprised to see light when her eyelids finally lifted; her head should have been black-bagged. Even in the air where there were no clues about the destination, it was about maintaining full control over the prisoner.

But Remi was completely confounded when she blinked and saw Weller's bright blues staring into her. Then had to silently curse at the relief that flooded through her when she realized he was there.

His goddamned eyes were always so full of emotion, constantly showing the kind of caring she'd never experienced before. But that was for Jane, and she'd been exposed as an imposter.

So why was he still looking at her like that?

"Oh good, you're awake," he breathed. "I thought I'd given you too much. I forgot to ask Patterson if I should change the dose because of the ZIP."

What did it matter if they were just going to throw her in a cell and let her rot? It would be better to be put to sleep, especially considering she had an incurable disease that was about to rob her of her mind and body.

Weller sounded so genuinely worried, which she attributed to false hope that he could somehow get his wife back. He had to keep Jane's body alive in the meantime, so he was forced to care about what happened to her.

"Where are we going?" Remi grumbled, closing her eyes again in an attempt to block out her headache.

"New Hampshire," Weller replied, nonsensically.

She desperately wanted to resist the bait but Remi's desire for information eventually won out.

"What the hell is going on, Weller? Am I getting a personal escort to the black site this time?"

Kurt furrowed his brow and studied her too intently, the way he always did. Then, finally, he sighed and answered her.

"You know I would never do that to you. Or let it happen again," he muttered, trying to sound gruff but failing miserably at it.

"Only because hurting me means hurting your precious Jane too," Remi spat out.

Weller looked wounded by her statement and again Remi felt a twinge of discomfort. Whereas it had once been emotionally satisfying to lash out at Kurt and watch him suffer, she'd noticed herself doing it less as time wore on. And, if she were being honest with herself, Remi knew that he would never let anyone hurt her like that, even now that he knew the truth.

Her barb had made him go silent again though, as if Weller were re-considering whatever it was he had planned. So if she wanted to get out of the handcuffs, she needed to play along and regain his trust - use his good-heartedness against him.

"Patterson thinks she found one of Roman's caches. The one that's supposed to have info about a cure. But it's deep in militia-owned land and our only window of opportunity is during their next planned attack. Which is due to start in two hours, according to the documents that came with the location. Of course, the attack will be stopped but we should still have a chance to get in and get the cache."

Remi stared at him, trying to wrap her head around what he'd just said. He'd had her unconscious; she should be in a cell now that he knew who she really was and what she'd done. Even if he wanted to save her life, there was no reason to bring her along on the trip. It seemed absurd that he would trust her at all considering she'd ditched him at the warehouse and then engineered Shepherd's breakout.

But, as always, he seemed entirely genuine. Though, of course, she was still his prisoner, both figuratively and literally. She needed his help to find the cure. And, she was handcuffed to the seat.

If she were to ever regain her freedom, she needed to win him over. A host of options came to her mind; ways she could manipulate him into trusting her just long enough for her to get away. Yet, when Remi spoke, the obvious truth came spilling out instead.

"You know if you give me access to the cure you'll never see me again," she sneered, trying to sound more condescending than confused.

Weller's entire body sagged with her statement and he looked right into her with so much sadness Remi nearly had to glance away.

"I know," he replied.

She had come to accept that he wasn't a complete idiot, so none of this made any sense to her. If he only wanted Jane back then he'd go get the cure without her, give it to her in a cell while trying to figure out if there was any way to "switch" her over again. There was no reason to trust her on a dangerous mission, especially with the risk of her running out on him yet again.

And yet, there he was, taking the handcuff key out of his pocket.

Eyeing her contemplatively one more time, Weller removed the cuff; then gently rubbed his thumb against the skin underneath, as if checking for damage. Remi willed herself not to shiver at his touch, doing her best to keep her breath even as he looked at her closely, wearing that familiar frown.

"Here," he said, passing her two pain pills and a glass of water.

Remi scowled. She detested the things, especially anything strong enough to take the edge of her headaches of late. It made her feel weak to have to rely on her meds and yet sometimes she craved the physical relief they could bring. So she hadn't fought Weller as hard as she could when he'd magically come around offering them to her every time her headache became unbearable. She had told herself it was to keep her cover but that hadn't resolved the self judgment.

This time Remi swallowed the drugs without complaint, grudgingly accepting that she had to be as sharp as possible going into this mission. If they managed to get the cache she'd have to find a way to take Weller out and escape with the information. Which would be difficult enough without a debilitating headache.

Once she was done with the pills, Weller silently passed her a gun and a parachute.

Maybe he really is an idiot, she thought.

The problem was the thought should have been dripping in disdain, not tinted with unbidden affection.

Remi grabbed the items with a shake of her head, then secured the weapon before donning her backpack. The plane was just getting into the optimal zone for the jump as she stepped to the door with Kurt.

"Why would you do this?"

Why would you trust me, go to these desperate lengths when you know I'm the enemy? Especially if you know that I will never willingly give you your wife back, even if I could.

She was asking all of these things at once and she could see in his eyes that he understood the depth of her question.

"I don't know," he said with a shrug.

"I guess I still believe in you."

And with that he grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the plane.

*

It was insane to trust her. Yet he'd let her go and given her a gun and now they were alone in the deeply wooded mountains of New Hampshire, when he should have been home, getting ready for the holiday with his wife. Bethany was scheduled to fly in with Allie in two days, on Christmas. But given the circumstances, Kurt wasn't sure he was going to make it til then.

Weller kept reminding himself Remi hadn't killed him despite the months they'd been together. But, then again, that was all before he found out who she really was, and before she'd committed a terrorist act.

Yet when he glanced behind his shoulder at her, Kurt's worry was almost entirely about how pale she looked, not about being shot in the back.

The approach to the militia base was quiet but Weller was on high alert. Even though their intel suggested that most of the group would be off base that day, it was still extremely risky just to be on militia land. If they were found on that property they would likely be executed immediately, even if they successfully passed themselves off as lost civilians.

Remi was silent, so deft with her steps that she disappeared behind him unless he turned to watch her. At which point she would question him with her eyes, asking him what gave him the right to still care.

He told himself they had to find a cure, if he was to ever get Jane back. But Weller knew, deep down, that he would be doing this even if there wasn't any way to bring back Jane's personality and memories. No matter what she'd done, who she'd been – he didn't want her to die.

Again he glanced back, seeing that Remi had sharpened now that they were nearing their target. When she looked to him this time, her expression was all business, completely focused on the mission.

Kurt hated knowing that she had fooled him for so long, despite all her strange behaviour and his suspicions. Yet they had still fit so seamlessly together in the field, where so much of everything was based on instinct. Even after they'd been forced into that warehouse situation, they'd managed to cooperate and remain alive.

Shaking his head of all those thoughts, Weller waited for Remi to move ahead before sliding along to meet her by the electric fence, in a dead spot between security cameras. They were meant to momentarily cut the power and slip into the main base, then extract the cache from a secret compartment in the vault.

But that all went to shit when, right then, a gate in the fence was triggered and a pack of attack dogs came charging out of the compound towards them.

Weller fought the instinct to run, then pulled out his gun and looked at it with a frown. The dogs were getting close but when he looked over at Remi she hadn't raised her weapon either. Replacing his gun in his holster, he then took two other weapons off his belt and passed one to Remi.

"Patterson said there might be dogs," he said, loading up the tranq gun.

He saw a flash of relief in Remi's eyes and quickly wondered at the fact that she could condemn innocent civilians to death in her terrorist plots but was loath to kill a guard dog. Then they knelt, side by side and started firing at the dogs until the entire pack had been knocked out.

For a moment, there was quiet, before sound trickled in with a roar. More barking, more dogs, the rumble of vehicles and voices of men.

The intel had obviously been completely off, or maybe it was a setup. Either way, they were about to pay with their lives.

A second, larger pack of dogs was charging at them as Weller and Remi looked at each other, realizing they were nearly out of tranq darts and needed to save their ammo as much as possible. They hadn't come loaded up for a gunfight, it had been meant to be a sneak in and out type of mission.

"Run!" he shouted, pushing her in front of him as he ran in the general direction of their exfil point. Though of course they had to lose the dogs and any possible human pursuers before getting picked up.

His wife had always been a faster runner than him, yet Weller found himself catching up as they tore through the forest, unable to even look behind and see if they were being pursued by an entire militia. He absolutely did not want to think about what would happen to them if they were caught, the things a horde of militia members might do to her before they were both executed.

Then he saw her miss a step and stumble. But instead of the regular sleek recovery she would usually make, Remi slipped again and fell, unable to get her hands out before her chin hit the ground with a resounding thud.

*

She was running from the pack of attack dogs and mentally swearing at her little brother for setting her up from beyond the grave when Remi's head suddenly exploded in pain and her eyesight became blurry.

Stumbling on her next step, she looked around, confused. Weller was passing her, which should have pissed her off. But it was hard to care when she was possibly having a brain aneurysm and couldn't find her footing because the ground seemed to be moving beneath her. And then, just as she realized she was falling, Remi wondered if she was going to die there, torn apart by dogs in the New Hampshire woods.

Belatedly, she thrust her hands out but still fell to her knees; then her chin landed solidly on a rock in the earth and darkness washed over her for just an instant. It was long enough that she should have felt the clamp of a dog's jaw on her leg, yet when she finally managed to open her eyes, Weller was already hauling her to her feet, holding her by the waist while turning to fire a tranq dart into the neck of the lead dog.

Then he was pushing her ahead of him, shouting at her to keep running even as the next dogs were closing in. Remi did as she was told, forcing herself forward, through the frozen landscape. Then, for awhile, everything was just a mash of sensations; the pain in her head and the blur of the forest and the growls of the dogs and Weller shouting. She realized she could barely hear him anymore and instinctively stopped, looking for any sign of him, missing the solid feeling of having him there to hold her up.

She knew she shouldn't pause for anything, especially not for a man who was likely to arrest her the moment they got out of their current predicament. But then there was a gunshot and Remi froze in her spot, a feeling of dread spreading over her until a large form came barrelling directly at her.

"Keep running!" Kurt bellowed, the sound of his voice settling her sudden anxiety.

Remi turned and did her best to pick up her pace, feeling a little better now that she could hear Weller behind her again. They ran through the frosty woods together, in the vague direction of their eventual exfil point. Her head did not feel good but she'd been through a lot worse and she refused to give into the pain as Weller kept pushing her forward.

Eventually they came to a shallow creek and silently agreed to run upstream for awhile in an attempt to lose the dogs. The water was freezing, due to it being late December in New Hampshire, but Remi determinedly slogged through it, soaked to above her knees.

When the creek got even deeper, she made the executive decision to get out of the water and started her way up the riverbank. They needed to stop and reassess the situation now that the chase was over. Remi looked back at that thought, double-checking that there weren't any dogs or enemies behind them. But all she saw Weller, two feet behind her and watching her intently, ready to catch her if she slipped again.

Remi blinked, her vision swaying for a moment. Then as her sight came back online, she frowned. There was a suspicious cloud of colour around Weller as he exited the water and she was fairly sure he was trying to conceal a limp.

Which shouldn't matter, she remembered. If he was hurt she could take advantage of the situation and incapacitate him completely before showing up at the evac site alone and saying he'd pushed her ahead and then never caught up.

It didn't matter that he could have left her to the dogs when she fell, that he was even here taking this chance on her. Or that Christmas was in two days and his daughter was flying in. He should be preparing for her visit, not running around in the woods with a criminal, trying to cure her of a terminal disease.

What the hell was wrong with him?

And what the hell was wrong with her?

She had a gun, she could turn and shoot him at any moment. They hadn't gotten the cache, if it was even there at all. Which meant she could get rid of him anytime, technically the sooner the better.

Yet Remi found herself staring at his blood in the water, struggling to tamp down how sick it made her feel. She blamed it on the ZIP but nevertheless she was still fighting the queasiness when Weller ran up to her, his eyes full of concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked, placing a hand on her hip for a brief moment before quickly pulling it away.

"I'm fine," Remi replied instantly, the way she'd been trained to.

They both knew she was lying and Kurt's frown deepened. Standing there with soaking wet pants and starting to freeze, Remi felt raw in every way. She'd been exposed and still he had such empathy in his eyes.

She hated that she wanted him to respect her, that it mattered at all what Kurt Weller thought of her. Looking down the riverbank at him she could even see him remember that she was the enemy, that she could easily shoot him right then and his body would float away down the creek.

But when her hand reached out, it didn't have a weapon in it, nor did it shove him off the rocky bank. And then it was out her mouth before she knew it, a blur of words that she couldn't take back.

"But you're not. I saw that pathetic attempt to hide your limp."

*

The icy water of the creek was brutal at first but at least it numbed Kurt's bleeding calf. One of the dogs had managed to get a good grip on his leg while he was dealing with another one and the wound was starting to pulsate badly as his adrenaline wore off.

It had all happened so fast he hadn't even had a chance to look at the damage before they were walking in thigh-deep water and his injured leg became frozen enough to ignore. But still, Weller knew the dog's teeth had gone in deep enough to be a problem going forward. Especially considering his lack of confidence in Remi's cooperation. Even though she was sick herself, she could easily still kill him or ditch him and come up with a plausible story to cover her tracks and then run off completely.

He pushed himself to keep up with Remil's pace through the creek, wondering in the back of his mind how much blood he was losing. He still felt okay for the moment, just a bit tired from pushing through the water - or at least that's what he told himself. Yet Weller was relieved when he saw Remi head out of the creek when the water inched up above his thighs. If he was beginning to feel the effort, then Remi had to be struggling as well. Though she didn't seem to have any problems forging through the water, he worried about how much her body could take. Especially now knowing how bad her symptoms were, realizing she'd been lying to him about how ill she was for months.

As he climbed out of the creek, slipping a bit due to the weakness in his right leg, Remi peered over the top of the riverbank to check for their pursuers. For a moment Weller was relieved that she hadn't noticed his injury yet, even though it was going to fairly obvious as soon as they were on dry land. He needed to be wary of showing any weakness when he couldn't fully trust his partner.

But then Remi turned towards him again with a frown, her pallor a bit grey, and Weller automatically rushed up to her, ready to catch her if she stumbled.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Looking up, Weller realized that his hand had instinctively planted itself on Remi's hip and he had to quickly pull it back before she rightfully snapped at him. She wasn't his wife so he didn't have consent to grab her. And he shouldn't want to touch her, to look after her so desperately that he had put himself in a compromised position, being out there with her looking for a cure.

"I'm fine," she replied right away, her tone defensive as always.

Kurt frowned, irritated at himself for caring so much still, for letting it hurt. He tried to prepare himself for the worst, suddenly realizing that she could easily push him back into the water from her position and he would likely be washed down the creek. She had only stuck around to find the cure and now that he knew who she really was, her position was untenable. It only made sense to kill him as soon as possible, especially if she wasn't feeling well.

Remi reached out her hand and he flinched, ready to defend himself. But instead of shoving him, her arm stayed extended, seemingly in an offer of assistance. And then, when she next spoke, her tone was overly sharp in an attempt to cover up the concern in her words.

"But you're not. I saw that pathetic attempt to hide your limp."

Weller let her help him up the steep bank, still in denial about the wound in his leg even though it throbbed enough to hobble him. The entire mission had already been such a failure; being hurt and further endangering both of them was something he just didn't want to think about yet.

"It's nothing," he muttered.

"So then it's not going to hold us up right?" she countered.

Weller groaned internally, feeling his frustration with the situation rise as he recognized that the most prudent course of action was to take the time to deal with the damage now that their pursuers weren't right on them anymore. Even though he didn't want to stop for anything or show any more weaknesses that Remi could exploit.

He was still working on how to admit to his problem when Remi rolled her eyes and gave him a hard stare. Yet the way she kept looking down at his leg seemed to indicate more concern than irritation. And though her next words were harshly demanding, he thought the edge was there only to cover up a degree of real worry.

"Stop trying to protect your ego and sit down so I can take a look at it."

Kurt sighed and sheepishly sat down on the frozen ground, doing his best not to grunt with the effort of bending his injured leg. He had to remind himself to breathe as his calf pulsated with the movement and he reached down to apply pressure to the wound, only to find Remi's hands already there, briskly rolling up his wet pant leg for inspection.

When the bite mark was finally exposed, Weller felt his stomach turn. The tear in his muscle was bleeding profusely and was nearly an inch wide and over three inches long. It hadn't felt that bad while he was running but now that the adrenaline was fading from his system, he was finally realizing the extent of the damage.

Weller even heard Remi's breath catch as she stared at the gash in his calf before looking up at him with a stern frown. Her eyes expressed everything she didn't say, including shock and worry at the size of the injury. But then she immediately got to work on dealing with the problem, promptly removing her shirt and tearing it into strips before wrapping the fabric around his leg to close the wound and apply pressure to slow the bleeding.

"Is that too tight?" she asked as she wrenched on the makeshift bandage and tied it down.

Kurt shook his head, not sure he trusted his voice. His calf already felt like it was on fire and the added pressure just made the pain pulsate more forcibly. But he knew it was essential to keep the bleeding to a minimum if they were going to make it to their exfil point.

"I think that should hold for awhile," Remi said, making one final knot and giving him an appraising eye.

He must have looked as rough as he felt because she studied him closely, as if trying to figure out how incapacitated he was. Determined to prove his worth, Weller then tried to stand before he was fully ready for the effort and immediately paid the price as his muscle screamed and he fell back onto his ass.

He expected Remi to be smirking at his performance but instead her brow was furrowed in concern.

"That was stupid, Weller. That bite is deep. It must hurt like hell."

*

The tear in his leg had been worse than she'd expected, enough to make her flinch when she took in the damage. Remi tried to fight back with all her usual tactics - telling herself that he deserved that and worse, that this was all his idea anyhow. Yet she couldn't stop thinking about it even as they got moving again and even kept having to remind herself not to look back at Weller too often.

When she did allow herself to glance back at him, he was always alert and moving okay, diligently covering their rear while stealing his own peeks her way. At first, it had taken him a few missteps to figure out how to compensate for the injury, and she had nearly put her arm around him in support before reminding herself she wasn't playing the supportive wife anymore.

Instead, Remi had silently taken the lead to prevent herself from acting on her instincts. But even so, she recognized that she had carefully set a pace that wouldn't be too hard on Weller's leg. Because his bloody calf, seemingly torn to shreds, still loomed large in her mind.

Realizing she was worried about Weller and catering to his needs just made Remi even more annoyed with herself, and soon she noticed that she had upped her pace in response. Her constant headache had grown in proportion with the effort she was exerting and then a sudden spike of blinding pain forced her to stop for a moment and breathe through the agony.

When the explosion in her head finally subsided and her vision returned to normal, Remi looked behind her again and couldn't see Weller anymore. Her chest clenched tight as she scanned the terrain for any sight of him and possible scenarios started cascading through her mind.

It felt as if her worry was completely out of control and Remi briefly wondered if the ZIP was making her mind weaker, less able to hold onto all her rage. It had to be something biological, nothing else could explain the dissonance she felt. She hated him, wanted revenge for everything he'd done to her family. The thought of him falling behind enough to die alone in those woods, either of blood loss or infection or domestic terrorist, should have filled her with elation.

Yet the feeling in her heart when he finally stumbled out of the woods and into view was undeniably pure relief.

Biting down hard on her reaction, Remi forced her eyes off of him even as she noted that his limp had gotten worse again. Pushing back on the desire to run back and check on him, Remi forced herself to ignore her urge; trying instead to occupy her mind by scanning the terrain ahead.

They were still following the course of the river, just from within the cover of the trees. By her estimate, there wasn't far to go until they had to turn away from water and head towards their exfil site. And, thankfully, when she scanned the area in front of them, there was no sign of anything out of the ordinary.

That was until she heard a high pitched whine coming from the creek. The sound was mostly muffled by the roar of the water but it was enough to catch Remi's attention and she quickly tried to locate the source of the noise.

When she finally saw the puppy barely hanging onto a rock in the middle of the river, a flood of protectiveness washed over her and Remi was running towards the drowning dog without a second thought.

She didn't even have time to consider how irrational her actions were before she was already waist deep in the river again and starting to swim. It was further than it had looked and by the time she reached the puppy, Remi was already half frozen. Still, she managed to pull the panicked creature into her arms and propelled herself away from the rocks, using a powerful side stroke to get close enough to shore to push the dog onto dry land just before the river got rough again.

Initially Remi was unable to fight through the current as she was carried further down the creek and struggled just to keep her head above the water. For a moment she even felt a flash of panic, wondering if she'd just made an incredibly stupid final mistake.

She could feel herself getting weaker as hypothermia took over her body and she tried to find the will to make one more surge for the shore. The noise of the creek was all she could sense and Remi felt it dragging her down even as she thrashed desperately to keep afloat.

That was until another sound finally burst through, a voice she knew, shouting her name in pure panic, telling her to hold on. And she understood instantly, without a doubt, that he was about to jump in the river to save her, after having just run a great distance on his injured leg.

She doubted he would be strong enough to swim her to safety even if he didn't have a bloody hole in his leg. And there was no way she was going to let make such a stupid choice.

Remi pushed her head above water and sucked in as much air as she could. Then, gathering together all her strength and desperation, she plunged in once more.

*

He watched her go under again and his heart forgot to beat.

Weller's throat was hoarse from screaming Remi's name and his entire body pulsated with the pain of his leg. Yet he kept running towards the river, marking the spot where he'd last seen her and trying to determine the best place to jump in for a rescue attempt.

He hadn't seen any sign of her for over a minute by the time he'd reached the edge of the creek and dread started to shoot up his spine as he continually scanned the water for any indication that she was still alive. Weller resisted the extreme temptation to just leap in anyways, forcibly reminding himself that he needed to act rationally even though fear kept trying to hijack him.

Then, just when he couldn't wait another moment without acting, Kurt spotted movement downriver and watched as Remi barely managed to grab onto a large stump protruding out of the riverbank.

Immediately he started running again, barely noticing the agony in his calf as he fixated on the sight of his wife weakly pulling herself to shore. By the time he reached her, Remi had just dragged herself onto land and collapsed in a shivering heap. Weller ignored the screaming of his leg as he fell to his knees beside her, panic still overriding everything else.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he gasped, brushing the wet hair off her face and running his thumb over her cheek.

Her only response was to shiver harder, her eyes shut tight and her entire body curled up as tightly as possible. Kurt wanted to clasp her to him, cradle her tight. But he knew he had to get her dry first, or else she'd never warm up.

"I need to get you out of your wet clothes," he said into her ear, hoping that she was still conscious enough to hear him.

Remi made a slight movement with her head that he took to be a nod and Weller immediately went to work unlacing her sodden boots, then pulling off her pants. When her legs were bare he wrapped them as best he could in his jacket and then gently pulled her soaking sweater, tshirt and bra over her head until she was naked on top as well. Quickly he helped her slip his own sweater on and then he covered her wet hair with his hat.

Once Remi was relatively dry and covered, Weller exhaled a long breath of relief. She was alive. Now he just had to warm her up.

It scared him how docile she'd been as he'd undressed her; it made him realize how hypothermic she already was. And now, as he gathered her into his arms, she burrowed into him, exactly as Jane would.

His heart sagged, remembering that it wasn't really his wife; Remi was acting on bare animal instincts just trying to get warm by accessing his body heat. Yet he couldn't resist nuzzling his lips against the back of her neck as he held her tight.

They laid there like that for awhile, Remi silent and shivering under all his clothes, Weller down to just his Henley. His heart was still pounding, wondering if she was going to wake up when he sensed something approaching and reached for his weapon while turning his head to identify the threat.

At first he panicked at the sight of a quickly approaching ball of fur, suddenly feeling the tear in his leg for the first time in awhile. But by the puppy pounced onto them, Kurt was grinning despite having a wet dog crawling all over him. Then, when the dog immediately went to work licking Remi's face, his chest flushed with warmth at the scene.

It only took a few enthusiastic licks to get Remi's eyes fluttering open, her expression wary and defensive at first. But then she saw the puppy and he could see her remembering what had just happened as her eyes flashed between him and the dog.

He had so many things he wanted to say to her. That she had scared him to death; that she'd done something rash and stupid; that he was both inordinately proud of her and angry with her all at once. But she wasn't his so he forced his mouth shut.

What came out instead made him cringe, recognizing that his affectionate tone and cheesy words would likely trigger the terrorist in Jane's body. Still, it was entirely true, even if it wasn't something he meant to say.

"Looks like you made a friend."

*

"Looks like you made a friend," Weller commented, like he was reading from a cheesy kid’s book.

And on top of how ridiculous as his words were, his eyes shone with such sincere affection. God she hated being his wife. It hurt just knowing how much he loved Jane, understanding everything she would never have.

All her instincts told her to push away from him and curl up on her own. But she had neither the strength nor the will to do it. Instead, Remi settled for telling herself she was just using him for his warmth - gathering energy until she could get free of his arms.

Letting herself sink back into Weller's embrace, she tried to remind herself how much she once hated the tightness with which he'd hold her. But then her traitorous mind flashed to all those times she'd too genuinely thrown herself into his arms after a close call or an emotional moment. Because there was safety there too, a feeling she'd never previously known. And it was impossible to resist, despite how reluctant Remi was to admit it.

The puppy kept lapping at her face, like he really was expressing gratitude for being rescued from the river. His warm breath and tongue pressing against her cheek until she felt herself smiling at the situation and reached out to pet the soggy creature.

Looking back at her actions, Remi knew she'd acted completely irrationally. She wanted to blame it on her brain malfunctioning of late but really it had just been instinctual. She couldn't watch a defenseless pup die without making any effort to save it. Which, of course, didn't make sense considering how many innocent people she was willing to sacrifice for the greater good. Yet it wasn't in her to just walk by a situation where she could save a life.

Even if it had ended up more harrowing than she'd expected, the river much stronger than she'd anticipated. The cold had nearly gotten to her by the time she'd finally managed to haul herself to shore. And if it hadn't been for Weller, she would still have succumbed to hypothermia just lying there in wet clothing on the riverbank.

He was probably now the one freezing, down to just his shirt; his own pants and boots still wet from walking in the creek. But his breath was nice and hot against the back of her neck. And thankfully he'd stopped cooing at her for the moment so she could just shiver against him in silence, soaking in the warmth of his embrace.

Eventually the dog snuggled himself against her too; curling up against her legs after Weller plunked him down on the jacket covering her, so she wouldn't be exposed to any wet fur. And even though Remi knew she should be trying to get up and keep moving; she couldn't muster the will with Weller draped all over her.

She wasn't sure how long they lay there for; drowsiness making her mind drift between states of consciousness while Weller did his best to warm her up. She didn't resist even when he started murmuring soft, encouraging words at her again; acting ridiculously sweet despite the fact that he had to be incredibly cold and uncomfortable himself.

Eventually Remi felt her thoughts becoming more lucid, even had enough energy to try blinking her eyes open for a second. What she saw made her frown; it was dusk already, which meant they didn't have much time to make it to the exfil site. The helicopter was coming for them as soon as it was dark enough and would likely only be able to make one attempt. The militia had RPGs and the risk of getting shot down was too high to make a second pass.

What the hell was Weller thinking, letting her lie there for that long? They needed to get moving if they were going to make their target.

But when Remi opened her mouth to say so, the words didn't come out the way she planned - far too dull and slurred to express her urgency. Then it took her equally slow brain awhile to realize that Weller hadn't gotten going because she'd been too hypothermic to move.

There was a good chance they were going to die in enemy territory, either by exposure or execution. And it was all her fault. Yet he hadn't left her there alone, as he clearly should have. He was frozen and injured, needed to get moving if he had any hope of surviving their ordeal. So she needed to get her shit together, no matter how sluggish her body felt.

Remi squirmed in an attempt to move her arms and Weller responded by hugging her even tighter, kissing her on the back of the neck again.

"Hey there," he said. "You awake?"

She could hear the upward curve of his lips in the way he said it, feel it in the softness of his breath against her skin.

Remi nodded and tried to move again, but Weller continued to completely envelop her, clearly not ready to let go yet.

"We should get going if we can," he whispered into her ear and slightly calming her nerves. At least he'd recognized the issue, even if he hadn't acted accordingly yet.

"Do you think you can stand if I help you up?"

Remi nodded again and got another kiss on her neck in return. He was goddamned pretending that she was Jane and she didn't have the strength to fight him. At least that's what she kept telling herself, over the rush of warmth brought on by his lips against her skin.

"I'm going to help you back into your pants and boots first, okay?"

The thought of putting wet gear back on was nearly soul crushing but better than trying to walk through the woods half-naked. Remi steeled herself for it yet it was still distressing when Weller pulled himself away from her and she immediately missed his warmth.

He dressed her quickly, despite her lack of ability to help; getting her into her pants and boots before putting her arms into his jacket and zipping her in. Her limbs still felt as if they weren't her own, unable to respond to the requests her brain was making. But it was somehow okay, and she wasn't panicked at all. If nothing else, she trusted Weller.

It was a fucking weird feeling, letting someone take care of her. But the hypothermia had sapped away her fight and her body was hungry for warmth and safety.

Very slowly, he helped her sit up; stopping to rub her shoulder in encouragement before gently tugging her to her feet. His arms were wrapped around her ribs but even so Remi felt herself wobble, her legs shamefully weak in the moment.

"It's okay, I've got you," Weller murmured in her ear, causing a traitorous flush of warmth down her spine.

They stayed standing like that for what felt like much too long, but really it was only a few minutes until she felt a bit of equilibrium return, some feeling finally returning to her body.

"Ready," she grumbled, even though she wasn't really.

Weller's only response was to squeeze her tight, kiss her in that goddamned spot yet again.

*

"Ready," she said, as soon as she'd stopped shaking in his arms.

He allowed her lie slide by without a comment because they had to get moving or they weren't going to make it to the exfil site on time. Still, instead of letting her go, he found himself pulling her to him even more firmly, his lips once again drifting over the cold affected skin on the back of her neck.

Weller even groaned internally as he kissed her, torn by the confusion in his soul. Yet he couldn't stop himself, his mouth seemingly determined to nuzzle the back of her neck even though his rational brain kept trying to remind him that she wasn't Jane and he had no right to her body.

More shockingly, Remi hadn't shown any sign of resistance to his actions. Instead, she'd seemed perfectly happy to let him hold her. Which he mostly attributed to her dire need for warmth and his body being her only accessible supply. Yet that didn't explain why he found himself caring about her so desperately, a feeling far beyond just needing her physical body to survive their ordeal.

She was a terrorist; one that had been plotting against them the entire time and seemingly felt no guilt about any of her actions. He should hate her for everything, especially for co-opting Jane's brain and playing him for months. And yet, he felt for her so strongly, this fierce angry version of his wife. Who was willing to kill anyone who got in her way but had nearly just died to save a random puppy. It wasn't quite love but it sure wasn't hate either.

"We need to go," Remi muttered, though her body didn't express the same impatience as her voice. The words even came out slowly, slurred by the cold and barely a whisper.

Weller sighed.

She was right, of course. So he moved to her side, slipping his arm around Remi's waist while eyeing her critically. She swayed a bit with less physical support but battled through it and took a step forward as Weller hovered, ready to catch her despite the renewed throbbing in his own leg.

He'd nearly forgotten about that problem until they'd stood up again, but the streaking pain that erupted from the wound had quickly reminded him of the situation. Still, he wasn't going to let his injury hold them up, not when Remi could barely stay on her own feet.

She led the way away from the river with small unsteady steps and both Weller and the puppy followed right behind, with equal devotion. He could see from her frown that she hadn't considered that variable and he cringed, knowing what had to be done.

The dog was a liability, likely to give away their presence and location. They had to leave him behind, no matter how cute the little ball of fur was.

Remi gave him a pleading look, telling him silently that she didn't have the heart to deal with the issue. So Weller opened a bag of emergency rations and put it down, knowing that the smell of beef jerky would attract the dog to it. Then, while the dog was busy examining the food, Kurt slipped a piece of nylon cord over his head and tied him to a nearby tree.

The pup was so busy trying to get to the food that he barely noticed when they snuck away, giving them a couple of parting glances while devouring chunks of dried meat. Still, Weller felt unreasonably regretful at having to leave the dog, especially when he caught Remi also looking back with a sheen of sadness in her eyes.

Eventually she stopped glancing backwards and seemed to redirect all her strength into pushing her trembling body through the woods. But despite her iron will, Remi was clearly having a hard time maintaining even a slow pace with her unsteady steps. A few times Weller had to force himself not to intervene when she stumbled and swore, relegated to watching fretfully as she pushed herself back up despite her obviously sagging energy.

But it wasn't until Remi tripped over some rocks and nearly fell face first onto them that he let himself reach for her, panic quickly overriding all of his self-control. Weller reeled her in tightly as she fought for her balance, just managing to steady them both.

"Whoa, are you okay?" he asked.

"Mmm fine," Remi growled, but only making a superficial effort at pushing him away.

"Maybe we should take a break and try to get you warmer first," Weller said, frowning. He'd hoped that moving would help bring her body temperature up but the pace they'd been going at, combined with the low temperature and her wet pants, hadn't been enough to make that happen.

"No time."

She was right. They needed to keep moving even if it was at the slow speed they'd been going at.

Weller eyed Remi carefully and saw how exhausted she was; so pale she looked ghostly. She was so hypothermic she wasn't even shivering anymore and he was just wondering how she was still on her feet when her knees started to buckle.

Without thinking, Weller reached out and scooped her into his arms. Then he ground his jaw together stubbornly and stood up.

*

Remi would have been apoplectic if only she had the energy; even so, she felt an intense impulse to launch her elbow at Weller's nose as he picked her up and cradled her against his chest. Yet, when she finally got her arm to respond, all she managed was a feeble push that did not at all express her anger at the situation.

A slow battle then ensued in her cold-affected neurons, indignation fighting against exhaustion until she was distracted by a grunt of pain and a slight wobble as Weller pushed to his feet.

Her dulled brain had forgotten about the gash in his leg but now that she'd been reminded of it, Remi felt her irritation flare once more. And even though she wanted to direct her anger at Weller's overly protective actions, she knew it was mostly self-recrimination for not having already insisted on being put down.

But she was so cold and tired. And Kurt was so warm.

Yet still, she had to try. All of her upbringing insisted on it, demanded that she regain physical control of her own body. It was weakness to allow anyone to take care of her. She'd learned early with Shepherd that there were no excuses. Even as a child, Remi had been expected to be self-sufficient, with no allowances for being injured or sick.

So she'd never been comfortable with being taken care of, hadn't ever really allowed it in her life. But all that pretending to be Jane, weak and needing his comfort; it had introduced her to the other side.

Being fawned over and cooed at after a particularly bad nightmare; locked in the safety of Weller's arms instead of gripping herself tight in the corner of a room, refusing to be touched. At first it had been torture in itself. Until she realized how easily his presence settled her, how his warm solidness took the edge off her flashback induced panic.

Then, it was just a matter of telling herself she was doing it to maintain her cover. And even now, Remi wanted to be angry at her body for failing her, being so weak that she couldn't defeat his comfort. She needed to at least put up some kind of a fight.

"I can walk," she muttered, flicking her eyes open in an attempt to emphasize her statement.

"I know," Weller replied, his breath hot against her temple. "But we're almost there. You should conserve your strength in case there's contact along the way."

He was lying of course. Both about the distance and his intentions if it came down to a shootout. No doubt he'd cover her body with his, hoping that she'd be too weak to push off his mass until it was all over.

But at least he'd given her a story that she could tell herself, a way to hang onto her dignity while accepting his help. And, truly, it had taken everything she had to just stay upright and put one foot in front of the other. The thought of having to let go of her heat source and finding the strength to walk again was extremely uninviting. Especially when she didn't even have the energy to shiver anymore, her body shutting down as her core temperature kept falling.

So, instead of forcing him to put her down, Remi found herself reaching around his neck and nestling in closer. Weller responded to her silent acquiescence by pulling her in even tighter and exhaling in relief.

"I'm going to get you warm and I'm going to get us out of here," he said.

*

Weller looked up at the sky and calculated how much time they had left before their rendezvous with the helicopter. Dusk had descended upon them just a few minutes ago and soon it would dark enough for the pick up.

By his figuring, he still had half an hour to get to the exfil site, which was just under a mile away. It would take a solid effort considering his flagging strength, all his physical reserves nearly depleted after everything that had already happened.

At least he was fairly warm again now that they were moving and he had Remi in his arms. Weller tried not to worry about how bad she must be feeling to let him carry her. Even Jane would have balked at the idea unless things were dire. But for Remi to show any weakness seemed unthinkable.

As if reading his thoughts, Remi muttered against his chest and settled in his arms. Of course it was just the hypothermia making her so docile. Yet that thought sparked a flash of protectiveness in him that fueled him forward through the woods.

Weller limped on, gritting his teeth each time he had to put weight on his injured leg. He tried to numb out the pain by fixating on his task, cradling his wife and keeping her warm. It helped to think of her like that, even though she wasn't Jane. At least Remi didn't seem to be so angry anymore, her body no longer stiff with resentment. And, he'd already come to accept that he'd still be desperate to save her, even if it wasn't his only chance at getting Jane back.

Desperation could only fuel him so far, though. Weller had made about half the distance when a misplaced step on his bad leg nearly sent them both tumbling and he panicked, thinking that he was going to fall and crush Remi beneath him.

In the end, Kurt stumbled a few steps but managed to stay on his feet long enough to catch his balance, clutching Remi to him as his leg exploded with pain. Dropping to his knees, Weller held himself together long enough to put Remi down carefully before curling up and grabbing at his damaged calf.

Weller was unable to suppress a loud groan as he clutched his leg and tried to breathe through the agony. Paradoxically, the wound hadn't felt so bad while walking - he'd been able to block it out with all his worry about keeping Remi alive until they got to the exfil site. But now that they'd stopped, the throbbing in his calf reverberated throughout his body and it became impossible to do anything but bite down on his pain, and try to not make too much noise.

Even as it seemed to burn with a new intensity, Weller told himself he just needed to breathe through it and he'd be okay to continue.

The wave of agony had nearly passed when he heard the rustling noise approaching. Weller opened his eyes and saw that Remi had pushed herself up onto her elbow, not even fully conscious yet also tense with worry.

They eyed each other warily and Weller drew his weapon as the sound got closer. Even if it was only one militiaman he knew they didn't have much chance at winning the battle, considering their medical conditions. Remi had clearly come to the same conclusion as she was fumbling with her weapon and trying to stand but had only managed to get to her hands and knees.

Weller stood, his leg now easily ignored again as he put his hand on Remi's shoulder and tried to push her back down. For a moment she resisted, glancing up at him with an irritated furrow in her brow. But her body couldn't sustain the battle and she growled a sigh before finally letting him press her against the cold ground.

He went down on one knee, reaching down to pull Remi in tightly while also trying to maintain a position between her and their pursuer. In the dim light it was hard to see how close the enemy was, though Kurt could still hear footsteps approaching.

It wasn't until the sound got closer that it became clear the noise wasn't human and again Weller's mind flashed back to the back of dogs. Even one guard dog could give them significant trouble at the moment, and if a dog was that close then humans were likely just behind too. So shooting the creature would lead the militia right to them.

He could see Remi realize the same thing, despite the slowing effect of hypothermia on her thoughts. Her eyes filled with concern and she gripped her weapon, ready to defend them even though her frozen hands probably didn't have the dexterity and strength to pull the trigger.

Admiration and affection flooded through him as Weller steeled himself for the encounter. And even though he knew he was acting irrationally, his emotions were resolute. Logically, he should leave her there as a diversion for the militia and get himself to the exfil site. Staying and sacrificing himself to save a terrorist was totally crazy. Yet Kurt knew that he would stop at nothing to protect her and give her the chance to get out.

He allowed himself one more glance down at Remi to reinforce his will and found her looking back at him, wearing an exasperated expression. No doubt she was annoyed at her situation, particularly having to let him protect her.

"Don't worry," he said. "Everything's going to be okay."

*

"Don't worry," Weller said. "Everything's going to be okay."

It wasn't though. Not if the dogs had found them again.

The militia could be descending on them within minutes, would force them into a last stand that wouldn't take long. Even if Weller seemed, against all sense, determined to stay and cover her.

He was still mobile enough to get to the exfil site on his own in time. Strategically, he should leave her there to be captured and interrogated while he made his escape. Yet he continued to kneel beside her, grim determination on his face.

The man was impossibly stupid, stubborn beyond hope.

She was probably going to watch him die. The thought should have filled her with satisfaction, even if her own death was likely soon to follow. Yet the idea of seeing him ripped apart by dogs or riddled with bullet wounds and bleeding out made her shudder hard, her frozen body somehow feeling even colder.

So as the noise came even closer, rustling in the woods right in front of them, Remi's hypothermic brain cobbled together a simple plan. Even without any resources and barely enough body heat to stay alive, she couldn't let him do something so incredibly idiotic. Not when she was going to die of ZIP poison soon anyways, any possibility of a cure now seemingly lost for good.

She forced herself to concentrate despite the effort it took with her cold-dulled mind. She would be lucky to have the energy to even make one attempt, so she had to make it count.

The dog tracking them was almost through the brush, less than ten feet away when Remi silently sprung herself in its direction. She felt Weller try to stop her but he'd been so focused on watching the forest that she was out of his reach by the time he grabbed for her. Then two steps later she threw herself at the mass of fur that came hurtling out of the woods, timing the move perfectly and making very little sound.

She had expected the impact of a full grown guard dog but found herself restraining a very confused puppy who wouldn't stop wiggling against her and nipping at her face.

Relief and irritated amusement flooded through her as Remi released the puppy and watched him run over to sniff at Weller before returning to her side. The little guy was clearly loyal, taking his place right by her as Remi pushed herself into a half-seated position. And, even better, he'd dried off a bit and was warm.

She couldn't resist wrapping her arms around the pup and pulling him to her, drawn by both his need and hers. The furry beast had no problem with the arrangement and snuggled right into her, nudging her chin with his nose as she ran her numb hands through his fur.

Remi felt Weller approach and glanced up to see that he was still watching the forest warily. But then he turned to look at her and broke into a smile full of affection and amused relief. And though her instinct was still to pull back and slam down her emotional walls, Remi found herself offering him a wry grin in return.

She'd seriously shown her hand and should have been angry at herself for so many things. Yet, in that moment Remi didn't even care that she was acting so absurdly around Weller - she just didn't have the energy to judge herself the way she normally would.

So, for once, she didn't even bother resisting when he draped himself over her back, covering her with his warmth and pulling her into him. The game was up, at least until they got out of there. After they were both safe she could screw her head back on straight and figure out her next moves.

"We have to move," he said, sounding as reluctant as she felt about leaving their current position.

He was right of course. Even her cold affected mind knew they were running out of time.

The soldier in her kicked in at that point, lifelong training telling her to get up while she had the energy to do so. They didn't have long to make it out and Remi was determined to walk herself to the exfil site no matter how much the hypothermia wanted her to rest and let Weller take care of everything. They were partners in this; he'd taken a huge risk taking her out there, all in the hope of saving her life. And despite the poor intel, things had only really gone sideways because she'd done something incredibly rash.

"I know," she muttered. "I can walk."

He tugged her in closer and she could feel all his doubt and worry as he breathed against the back of her neck. But he didn't argue and instead started standing with his arms still wrapped around her ribs.

Remi let him pull her to her feet but once they were upright he didn't let go. Which, she had to admit, was a relief. Despite her assertion, her frozen body was clumsy and she was having trouble finding her balance.

"Okay. But we walk like this," he replied, still hugging her to her to him both arms.

The arrangement sounded awkward and made her feel weak. But it turned out that slow-stepping forward with Weller draped all over her filled Remi with a much needed warmth. Even before he brushed his lips against the nape of her neck and set all of her nerves tingling.

"Sorry," he said, as soon as he'd done it. "I need to stop that."

It took all the willpower she had left to stay silent as her body begged him to never stop.

*

"Sorry," he said, pulling back and wincing. "I need to stop that."

It was so hard for his body to remember that she wasn't Jane. That he had to keep his lips to himself and was supposed to resist the intense desire to touch her.

Weller was surprised Remi hadn't demanded it herself but had just figured it was due to the hypothermia. But then she'd tried to put herself between him and an oncoming attack, leaving him confused as hell.

He'd assumed she'd been accepting his help due to complete exhaustion and a fierce desire to make it out alive. But now he didn't know what to think, how to feel. She was a criminal that had been sabotaging them from the inside for months. Rationally, he should hate her. Yet his heart ached for her almost as badly as if she were really his wife.

She'd been traumatized and abused as a young child, then raised by a sociopathic domestic terrorist. Her own government had tried to murder her after she'd escaped her past and risked her life for her country. That was what he hated, not her. All the things that had happened to her to skew her sense of right and wrong, all the ways in which she'd been hurt.

Not that Weller could ever condone the path she'd chosen, all the lives she'd been willing to sacrifice to her cause. But he could also see the pain that had led to her undoing, including a glimpse of who she was, underneath it all. Someone who'd risk her life to save a puppy, or to protect a man she had sworn to kill.

He unconsciously hugged her tighter at that thought, eliciting a little turn of her head. Even in the dim light he could see lines of exhaustion on her face. Yet Remi's eyes were as determined as ever, held an edge that he both respected and feared.

Weller pushed back on the urge to kiss her again and forced himself to look away, scan behind them for any pursuers. But the only movement he spotted was the puppy, still determinedly following them. This time he hadn't had the heart to leave the dog behind, despite the risks. The little guy seemed devoted to his rescuer and Kurt sensed that the feeling was becoming mutual.

Smiling at that thought, Weller focused his attention back on Remi; but quickly his grin turned into a frown as she wobbled in his arms. Their walking arrangement was a bit awkward but no slower than it'd been carrying her. It was easier on his bad leg too and he could still hold her tight against him as they shuffled their way through the woods.

Even though they were moving, her hypothermia wasn't improving much, most likely because she was in wet gear and had little natural insulation. It made him worried as hell to see her so dazed and weak; yet Remi just kept pushing on with everything she had. That part of her was just like Jane; it seemed to be a fundamental part of who they both were. And he couldn't help but admire her determination despite everything she'd just been through. Losing everyone she'd loved, waking up to a world turned upside down. As much as he despised her motives, she was capable as hell, even while dying.

They made it to the exfil site with only minutes to spare, the sound of the helicopter already overhead. As they pulled to a stop and Weller confirmed that they were in the right location, he couldn't help but plant his lips in her frigid hair, breathing a huge sigh of relief.

"That was not how this was supposed to go," he muttered, thinking back to the original plan. A quick in and out to get Roman's cache. What had ended up happening was as far from that as possible.

Remi tilted her head to look up at him, wearing a small furrow on her brow. Weller was sure she was going to scowl at him and waited to be told off for risking their lives on bad intel. But instead she offered him a very weary upward lip movement and a tiny nod.

"I'm so tired," she said, her voice barely audible.

It was more than he'd ever expected her to reveal, even after what they had just been through. And though it had been obvious how exhausted she'd been, hearing her express any vulnerability to him was shocking, so completely out of character.

Kurt's instinct was to tell her that she had done great and now he was going to take good care of her now. But thankfully the helicopter came into view at that point and he was forced to shut up before anything sappy came out of his mouth to remind her that she hated him.

As the chopper descended, Weller stood to the side with Remi pressed up against him. His heart was pounding in his ears and he looked around to check for a last minute ambush, suddenly sure that the feeling in his chest meant something was about to go wrong.

But then the helicopter landed and Remi let him scoop her up, burrowing into him as he lifted her into the machine. The pilot was clearly antsy to take off and Weller was about to jump in too when he turned and realized the dog wasn't with them anymore.

He immediately ran away from the chopper, scanning all around the little clearing until he saw the small ball of fur hunkered down as close as he'd dared to get to the giant noisy machine. Thankfully, the puppy didn't run away when Weller approached and even let himself be picked up despite his obvious fear. Kurt bundled the dog up in his arms and ran back to the helicopter, launching himself into it just as it was taking off.

By the time he dropped the dog and slammed the door shut, they were already high in the air. Weller took a moment to scan the area and saw the lights of many search teams, looking for them all over the property. From up there, it was obvious that they'd made it to the clearing just in time, only beating their pursuers by a short distance.

Kurt heaved a sigh of relief before turning his attention back to Remi. She was huddled in her seat with her eyes closed, her body too still. The puppy was pressing himself to her as best he could but now that they were out of danger, Remi didn't seem to have any energy left to even lift her hand and pet the dog.

He considered getting the pilot to land at the nearest hospital but then spotted the emergency blankets in the back of the chopper. He'd rather get home as soon as possible, especially with Christmas just over a day away. And if he'd been able to keep her warm enough in the freezing New Hampshire woods, he was sure they'd get through a helicopter ride.

Weller grabbed the blankets and crouched beside Remi, letting her register his presence before putting his hand on the back of her neck, in that place that makes her warm. He felt a jolt run through her and then her eyes flickered open, her expression sleepy and content.

Warmth flooded through him even as the alarm sounded in him mind, reminding him of reality. But try as he might, he couldn't turn off the feeling, even though it felt like he was being disloyal to Jane by caring so much about Remi.

Kurt sighed to himself and rubbed her neck again.

"It's a long ride," he said. "Let's get you warm."

*

There was no denying how good it felt, she just didn't have the energy to bother lying to herself.

It was almost an out of body experience, lying there frozen while Weller undressed her again and wrapped her up in something dry. Her actual body hadn't registered any additional warmth yet but still it was glorious to be free of her icy pants and covered in a fleece blanket.

Then Weller draped another blanket over her shoulders, stopping to rub the temperature-sensitive spot on the nape of her neck for awhile. A slight warmth from his hand was all she could feel, the rest of her still totally numb. She'd never experienced that degree of hypothermia before; had no idea how hard it was to function in that state, despite all the training she'd been through. Remi wondered how much the ZIP was affecting her, if that was why her body had failed her so completely. But then Weller tucked the puppy into her lap and then sat next to her, gently pulling her right up against his chest. And when she sank into him it no longer mattered what had happened; she became strangely content to let it all go.

Remi was still ice cold in her core, despite being smothered in warmth, and found herself drifting in and out of sleep. The helicopter ride lasted an undeterminable amount of time and some part of her never wanted the experience to end. She felt so safe with Weller wrapped around her, especially after everything he'd just put himself through. All in an inane attempt to save her life. Even though he knew who she was, and that she'd been planning on killing him.

The chopper finally landed and suddenly Remi snapped to, hazily realizing that they were back to real life and she was about to be arrested upon landing. Weller might care about her body, but he was still FBI. That entire time in the woods, it was some alternate world. Now she had to try and figure a way out of the mess she was in and get back to Shepherd.

Weller stood as soon as the machine touched down and lifted the dog out of her arms, instantly affirming her thoughts. Now that she had survived the journey out, he was all business; exactly as if he'd been brought back to reality too.

Remi groaned to herself, irritated by the disappointment she felt at the absence of Kurt's warmth around her. He'd been pressed up next to her for so long that she'd forgotten how cold it was without him there. But of course he'd only needed her body to survive and had treated her accordingly, by pretending that she was Jane. A pang of regret surged through her at that thought, followed by a wave of self admonishment. What had she expected? That he'd forgive her for being a terrorist and plotting against him just because she'd been hypothermic and needy? The cold had let her exist in a dream state, but it was mortifying now that she was coming out of it.

After passing the dog out of the chopper, Weller came back and Remi steeled herself for the handcuffs that were sure to come. But instead he bundled her into his arms just like he'd done with the puppy and carefully carried her out on shaky legs.

Her mind flashed to the sight of of his torn calf and she automatically thought about how long it had been since the injury, whether he'd be able to have it stitched up. Which was stupid, of course. None of that mattered now that she'd been found out and captured.

When he put her gently on the awaiting gurney, she was still waiting for restraints. But then Remi realized they weren't on the landing pad at the NYO and that she was surrounded by medical personnel, not FBI agents.

Well, except for one, of course. Who was limping alongside of her, holding her hand.

*

Weller paced outside the room, garnering all sorts of looks from the hospital staff walking by. Looking down at himself, he realized he was still in his shredded wet pants and covered in blood and dirt. He knew he should clean up and borrow some scrubs, then get his leg looked at. Remi was in good hands now, getting attended to by medical personnel. Yet he was still irrationally worried about her and had to see for himself that she was okay.

Finally, the door opened and the doctor emerged to give Kurt a rundown on Remi's condition before he was allowed to go in. She was still on the edge of severe hypothermia and they had considered internal reheating methods to get her body temperature up but of course Remi had refused to let them stick tubes into her. So they had resorted to external methods instead, which would be equally effective in the end, but would longer to get her warm.

Weller sighed at her stubbornness and thanked the doctor. His heart was in his throat, even though she was okay for the moment and would recover fully soon. He wondered how she would react to his presence now that they were out of danger and she didn't need him anymore.

Kurt stepped into the room and silently gazed at the woman who wasn't his wife. Remi was dressed in a hospital gown and tightly wrapped in a cocoon of heated blankets, her eyes closed and a content look on her relaxed features. But when he stepped up to her, she raised her eyelids slowly and offered him a drowsy smile before re-shaping her brow into a frown.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked, leaning over to examine her more closely and almost forgetting that he wasn't supposed to kiss her. Instead, he brushed her hair behind her ear, running his hand against her skin and feeling his heart settle as her cheek flushed with his touch.

"Warmer," Remi murmured. "Still tired."

Even that was a lot for her to admit and it made his heart cling to her, despite everything his head was trying to tell him. Again Weller resisted the urge to bring his lips to her forehead but he noticed his thumb had started rubbing her cheek and didn't bother to try and stop it.

"Yeah, your body temperature is still really low," he said, unable to tame the worry in his chest.

"Just rest," he added softly. "You're safe now."

For a moment it looked like Remi was going to comply, her eyes drifting shut for awhile as he moved his thumb to her forehead and smoothed away her frown. But just as her breathing started to slow, her eyelids flicked open again and she gave him a discerning look, with her brow creased yet again.

"Your leg," she said. "Is it okay?"

They both looked down at his soggy pants and Remi's frown deepened.

"Go get it looked at," she scolded, her voice drowsy but demanding.

"It can wait," he replied, still not wanting to leave her side.

"Stop being so stubborn," Remi grumbled.

He grinned at her and tried to settle the debate by soothing her back towards sleep. But even as his thumb started rubbing at her temple, Remi started shifting in her bed as if to escape the blankets that completely surrounded her.

"Hey, don't do that," Weller said, placing his hand firmly on her shoulder and pressing her back down to the bed. "You need to keep those on."

"Then go get the doctor yourself," she retorted, her body tense under his grip and her voice already sounding exhausted again.

She was right, and giving him no choice.

"Okay, okay," he sighed. "If you stay under those blankets and rest, I'll go get it checked out."

Remi gave him a stern look, her expression still fierce despite her weariness. But she couldn't hold it long, her eyes slipping shut as a satisfied grin tugged at her lips.

"Deal," she said, barely audibly.

He couldn't help it. Weller leaned over and placed a light kiss on her hairline, then stepped back to accept the consequences of his actions.

But Remi didn't tense up, nor did she scowl. Instead, she settled again and made a content noise, her lips curling up once more.

She was a terrorist and his enemy. Yet his chest flushed with warmth as his gaze lingered over her and Kurt was having a hard time with the idea of letting her out of his sight. And it definitely wasn't because she could run at anytime.

She had just been through so much, pushed herself so hard despite the hypothermia. Weller was torn in a million different directions, completely lost on what to do next.

He couldn't put her through a dangerous medical procedure so soon after almost losing her to the cold. No matter how desperate he was to get Jane back, Weller was afraid her body couldn't take it, at least not until she was fully recovered from being so hypothermic.

His logical mind told him he should handcuff her before leaving the room; to lie and say he's arresting her. Then put her in the zero division cell until she was well enough for the personality switch operation.

Weller sighed again and shook his head at himself. He was being an idiot and he knew it. But he couldn't bear the thought of cuffing her and locking her up alone, especially on Christmas Eve. So even though there was a good chance he'd leave that room and never see her again, he didn't pull out his handcuffs.

Instead, Kurt forced his eyes away from her, his heart heavy with a mix of emotions. Then he finally limped away to fulfill his end of the agreement, desperately hoping she would still be there when he got back.

*

Remi woke and instinctively knew something was missing, even before all her senses had come online. Her body wasn't numb anymore yet she felt cold once again, and for a moment she wondered if she was about to wake up in a cell. Weller could have injected her with a sedative while she was sleeping off the hypothermia and had her moved. It's what he should have done, right from the start.

Fear set in for a brief moment before Remi managed to blink her eyes open and see that she was still in the hospital, engulfed in heated blankets. But, unlike all the other times she'd briefly woken up through the night, Weller wasn't looming over her with his hand absently rubbing her shoulder.

Disappointment flooded through her, followed by a wave of irritation. Now that she was warm again, it was time to go and get on with her plan. Shepherd was still waiting for her and now she knew where Roman's special cache was, they could go on another mission to retrieve it.

Yet Remi stayed wrapped in the blankets for another few minutes, idly wondering if Weller had just gone to the bathroom and convincing herself that she wasn't getting up because she could be blowing her cover. Even though he already knew the truth and should be expecting her to run as soon as she was capable.

When it became clear that he'd left for more than just a moment, Remi fought off another surge of disappointment and forced herself to shed her blanket cocoon. Her body was finally back to a normal temperature, though still somewhat weak; and she missed the solid feeling of Weller's arm holding her up.

Pushing that treacherous thought away, Remi pushed her legs over the edge of the bed and sat upright for a second to regain her equilibrium. Her vision had swayed a little with the sudden movement and brought back the headache that had been constantly plaguing her of late. Again, she briefly wished for the warmth and comfort of Weller's body, before scowling at herself for being so pathetic.

She should be thankful to be rid of him and extremely relieved that he'd finally left her alone long enough to make an escape. But instead, Remi felt abandoned and alone; irrationally upset that he'd left without waiting for her to wake up.

Frustrated by her weakness, Remi instinctively pulled up her inner steel and mentally berated herself for letting any thoughts of Kurt Weller linger in her head. Other than scoffing at his stupidity for not locking her up when he had the chance.

He had to have known she would leave the minute she was capable of it. It made no sense that he would let her go that easily. And even less sense that she was upset with him for not being there to stop her.

Realizing that her thoughts were still stuck on Weller, Remi growled at herself and forced her body into action. Pushing onto unsteady feet, she took a few deep breaths before stepping towards the door and assessing the situation.

There was no one guarding her room, nothing to suggest that she couldn't just walk right out. So, after one more quick glance around, Remi did exactly that; stepped out into the hallway without being seen.

On her way out of the hospital, she snuck into another patient's room to steal a set of clothes and a pair of shoes. It was easier to keep her ill-timed surge of emotions at bay by focusing on a series of tasks. And she'd been trained as an operative since she was a child, knew that life so well that it offered her a little bit of the familiar comfort she was aching for.

Leaving the hospital, Remi instinctively started avoiding cameras and shielding her face as she got into a series of cabs, all paid for with cash from a fat wallet she'd poached on the way. When she was sure she wasn't being followed, Remi was satisfied but also thrown into a state of confusion. She realized that, somewhere along the way, she'd convinced herself it was a set up; that Weller had let her run so she'd lead him to Shepherd.

But apparently she'd given him much too much credit because he was still nowhere to be seen and she was nearing her destination. Which should have been a relief, yet filled her with an uneasiness. It was unfathomable to her that he would just let her go, so unlike the Kurt Weller she'd come to know.

Again, Remi gave herself a mental shake, trying to rid her brain of Weller-related thoughts. In a few minutes she would be reunited with Shepherd and likely to never see him again. It was time to move on with her life. Find a cure and then restart their plan to overthrow the US government. Even if that thought didn't burn with the same intensity anymore; was no longer fueled by overwhelming rage.

Fuck, Remi thought. She had accused Shepherd of getting soft but she had let it happen to herself as well. Living Jane's existence, pretending to be a government agent, having someone at her back that she would trust with her life. It had bled into her to the point where she'd tried to give herself up for him – the hazy memory of it filling her with a paradoxical mix of embarrassment and pride.

Remi shook her head at herself and exhaled irritably. She had to get her head on straight before she saw Shepherd. Or else she'd get called out on it immediately and Shepherd would be right.

Taking a few deep breaths, Remi said a mental goodbye to Weller and then shoved all her emotions behind the steel wall in her mind. Then, she entered the building where she'd left Shepherd, ready to purge herself of Jane's life.

As soon as she walked in, Remi knew Shepherd wasn't there. She still searched the premises quickly but was, at the same time, thinking about where Shepherd would run to, whether she'd still have access to any of their old safe houses.

For a moment Remi couldn't think of where Shepherd would have gone. But once she realized how long she'd been gone for, the answer couldn't have been clearer.

Shepherd would assume that Remi had been caught by the FBI. Which would have sent her in exactly one direction - to the easiest source of information and leverage.

Remi's chest immediately filled with worry. Even in her weakened condition Shepherd could be deadly. And Weller would be distracted, goddamned heartbroken - at his most vulnerable.

The thought of him getting attacked in his apartment by Shepherd after everything he'd just been through made her stomach clench. She'd finally come to terms with her decision to let him live; grudgingly accepted the fact that she couldn't bear to kill him. Now it was quickly becoming clear that she didn't want to lose him at all because her insides froze at the thought of what Shepherd would do if she got the jump on him.

In an instant Remi was out the door and on the move. She had no idea what she was going to do. But she wasn't going to let anyone hurt Kurt Weller, not even her mother.

*

When Weller got back to the hospital and she was gone, he wasn't surprised but it still hit him hard, like a physical punch to the gut.

Staring at the empty bed with a set of her clothing in his hands made reality set in starkly. All of a sudden Kurt realized what he had done. Until then the thought of Remi leaving had just been a possibility, even if it'd been an extremely likely one. He had somehow been convincing himself that he'd figure something out before she took off on him. But now Weller was faced with an extremely harsh reality - he'd let a terrorist run free after she'd engineered a prisoner escape by faking a nuclear attack. After he knew full well who she was and what she was planning.

It was so unlike him that Kurt still couldn't wrap his head around it hours later, standing on his balcony and trying to drown his thoughts in scotch. All day he had berated himself for being so stupid; for letting a terrorist escape because she had co-opted his wife's body and confused his heart. Yet, even as he'd looked for Remi everywhere he could think of and found no sign of her, Weller had held a silent hope that she hadn't really left him.

Now though, standing outside as a freezing cold Christmas Eve night began to fall, Kurt was hit hard with the fact that he'd likely never see her again. An overwhelming wave of loss and despair crashed over him, momentarily washing away his anger and self-blame. He'd lost Jane months ago and not even known it. And now he'd lost Remi too, along with any chance of ever getting Jane back.

He hadn't felt so alone since those days of travelling the world, ending up in an empty hotel room, night after night, with only his worry for Jane to keep him company. He wondered where Remi was at the moment – probably already far away and deep underground with Shepherd, planning another attempt at Roman's cache.

Weller figured she had to try again, especially now that she had lost access to the caches that the team had already found, as well as the clues leading to other ones. He could even try and catch her in the attempt, though he would likely fail. Remi was an extremely competent operator, and would be on high alert for any attempt to capture her. And, truthfully, he wanted her to succeed, get the cache and find the cure. He needed her to live; even if he never got Jane back, even if he never saw Remi again.

Kurt sighed, trying to shake himself out of his whirling mind.

He was a goddamned mess and he knew it. It was Christmas Eve and he should be video calling with his daughter and looking forward to her Christmas visit. But Weller didn't know how to explain Jane's absence so he had put it off, hoping he would have the emotional strength to talk to Bethany and Allie later on, once he'd had more time to process everything that had happened.

Yet he'd been standing there for ages already and neither his mind nor his heart had settled. He was hurt that she had left, and then mad at himself for being so upset when he had no right to be. But mostly he was worried about her, just couldn't stop wondering if she was okay. He hadn't known the ZIP poisoning had progressed so far already and now she was out there on her own, sick and hallucinating. Shepherd wouldn't take care of her, even if she could. She'd sent Remi on this suicide mission knowing that ZIP was deadly. She had clearly been willing to sacrifice her daughter for the cause.

He knew Remi had her own agency, that she had made her own choices too. Yet Kurt couldn't help feeling for her, after everything she'd been through. Growing up abused and having to look out for her younger brother in the worst of circumstances. It was easy to see why she'd turned out so damaged.

Her story resonated with him, maybe more than it should have. After all, he had managed to turn out alright after having experienced trauma and abuse as a child, though certainly not to the same degree. Though there had been times in his teenage years where he'd had violent fantasies of forcing a confession out of his father, finding out what had really happened that night. Thankfully he'd always held back, telling himself it was for Sarah's sake when really he was afraid to confront his dad's lies.

He needed to stop thinking about her, coming up with farfetched ideas of ways to find her. He hadn't had any success, even when she'd been Jane. Tracking Remi would be a nearly impossible task. He figured his only hope was if she needed something from him in the future and was forced to make contact.

Weller thought about the phone call he'd received after she'd left him at the evidence warehouse, trying to convince himself that she might reach out to him again, even if she didn't need to. She had tried to save him and he desperately wanted to believe that she cared for him in her own way.

But that was stupid, a pie in the sky Christmas wish. She'd used him until she'd been found out and then had left at her first opportunity. Holding onto hope of ever hearing from her again was only going to lead to more heartache. He wondered if she'd even tell him if she found a cure, or if there would be any way to reach her if he found it first.

His wife was gone, both in mind and in body. He had to learn to accept the fact that he'd let her go and would likely never know her fate. He'd lost her for good this time and it was entirely his fault.

Weller groaned at himself, realizing that he'd just restarted the spiral of anger and blame that he couldn't escape. He had to stop standing out there in the freezing cold and moping the night away. He didn't have much time left to call his daughter; Allie would already be giving him shit for how late he'd left it.

So he did everything he could to leave it all out there on the balcony. All his regrets and self-recrimination; all of his worry and love.

It wasn't nearly successful but this time Kurt forced himself stand up straight and face his life without her. And even though it still took another while, he eventually managed to make himself turn around and go inside. He'd failed as a husband but still needed to do his job as a father. No matter how heartbroken he was, he owed it to Bethany to put on a cheerful act, not let his kid know that anything was wrong.

Weller limped back in, determined to move on, at least for the night. Even though the space around him was teeming with memories of her, all those moments he never wanted to forget.

But as he was standing there trying to contain his emotions, the front door started to open and everything changed.

*

She was cold again and her neck hurt from looking up for so long.

He'd been standing on his balcony for ages, clearly not in any danger. Shepherd was definitely not there; had probably already left the city and found somewhere to hole up and lick her wounds.

Which meant that Remi should be planning her next move – basically, figuring out whether to waste time tracking Shepherd down or going back to the militia zone by herself. The cure was, of course, her priority. But the thought of planning and executing a solo mission into the same situation that had just nearly killed both her and Weller was exhausting and daunting, especially with her quickly failing health.

So Remi was still planted there, across the street from Weller's apartment, even though she'd long ago determined that Shepherd wasn't there. She should have left right away, gone and searched for her adoptive mother. Yet there she was, unable to shake him from her life.

He looked so forlorn, standing out there by himself. Of course she was too far away to really see him but Remi could tell from the way Weller was leaning against the railing, how long he'd been out there alone when he should have been on a call with his daughter.

Remi felt a twinge of guilt, followed by a wave of irritation. Not much could get between Weller and his kid; he was as devoted as a long-distance father could be. He would have to be hurting a lot to avoid Bethany on Christmas Eve, especially with the upcoming visit with her that he'd been looking forward to so much.

Which shouldn't matter to her in the least. In fact, at one point, her disdain for his emotional sensitivity would have immediately hardened her resolve. He's the one who had married Jane, despite what he knew about her past. Everything that had happened was due to him being pathetically soft, and that was clearly his own fault.

Yet Remi couldn't stop watching him, even as she began to shiver. He had to give up soon and go make the call to Colorado. She would leave then, once he'd finally moved on with his existence. Even though the thought of going made her feel incredibly alone, Remi told herself that she'd always been on her own, and that she should be glad to be rid of him.

It wasn't very convincing though, not when she couldn't pull herself away, even when Weller stayed out there much longer than she anticipated. Then, Remi caught herself thinking he shouldn't be doing so much standing on his wounded leg and found herself irritated that he couldn't even manage the basics of taking care of his injury.

Fuck. She had already devoted way too much mental space to Kurt Weller. But there she was, mentally cursing him for his ineptitude and herself for caring at all, when he pushed himself up straight, as if finally ready to get on with things.

It was her signal to go. But Remi was unexpectedly flooded with sadness at the thought of broken Kurt, putting on a brave face for his daughter. And, no matter how hard she tried to walk away, Remi kept thinking that she didn't want him to be alone. Even more bewilderingly, she recognized that she wanted to be there with him.

So, despite the alarm bells ringing in the back of her mind, Remi found that her feet were moving and taking her straight across the street, right into Weller's building.

*

She was shivering on his doorstep and Weller was instantly overcome with hope and déjà vu; nearly engulfing her in his arms before he froze mid step, realizing how guarded she looked.

Right, he thought, snapping himself back to reality. It was Remi, not Jane. And she would likely assault him if he tried to touch her now; had only used him as a heat source out of pure necessity.

She'd probably only come back for something stashed in the apartment. Though he would have thought she would have come while he was out.

Kurt felt his heart pounding, both elated and nervous that she was there. He still had a chance. But she looked so on edge, ready to flee at any moment.

He tried to figure out something to say that wouldn't make her run, but so many of the questions that filled his mind would instantly put her on the defensive. Still, Weller knew he couldn't just keep standing there gaping at her while his heart continued to race; the tension between them already pushing Remi a step back.

"Hey," he finally said, suddenly feeling very nervous. He probably only had one chance at this, and the stakes were extremely high.

"How are you feeling?"

It was the most neutral question he could come up with that expressed some of his concern. But Weller still wondered if she would answer him at all or if he'd messed it up already.

"I'm fine," Remi grumbled, even though she was obviously cold again and trying to squint another headache away.

Again, Weller resisted the impulse to reach out and touch her. He considered asking her in but worried that it would only push her away. He wondered what the hell she was thinking, why she wasn't already out of the country.

"I thought you'd already be gone," he said, trying his best to keep his voice completely neutral. He wondered if she heard all the questions within that statement, everything he was afraid to ask.

"What happened?"

Remi flashed him a suspicious look, as if considering how much she should spill.

"Shepherd's gone. I thought she might have come here," she finally replied.

That didn't explain why she was at his door, when it had been clear for hours that Shepherd wasn't there. It was technically possible she'd only wanted to make sure, but that thought was as inane as all his others – that she'd missed him, that she wanted to stay.

Or maybe she was there to say goodbye, though that also didn't seem like something Remi would do. But, regardless of what had brought her there, Weller sensed that he was running out of time. He could feel Remi hardening herself right in front of him, and panic started to rise into his throat again.

"I should go," she muttered, right on cue. "Don't look for me."

He wondered if that was actually what she'd come up here to tell him, if those were really her last words for him.

Remi forcibly tore her eyes away from his and started to turn around. Weller knew then that he'd lost her, that the chaos she wreaked on his heart only went one direction, no matter what he'd wanted to believe.

"Wait," he said, his tone already defeated. "Just for a minute."

Weller didn't wait for Remi to agree before turning and heading back into his apartment. He hoped her curiosity would get the better of her, despite the defensiveness in her posture.

He was out of plays and had to accept his defeat. It broke his heart but Weller told himself he had to let her go. He'd already decided that when he'd given her the chance to run, he wasn't going to go back on it now.

But if he had to let her go, he needed to do one last thing for her. It was all he had left to give her, the only thing he thought she'd accept.

Weller sighed, the pressure in his chest crushing his heart. He had already lost Jane and was now losing all he had left of her - would likely never see his wife again. It hurt just to contemplate, even with his conflicting emotions about Remi.

Kurt already felt empty, looking at a bleak future by himself. And yet, the sorrow in his heart was entirely for the woman that had once been his wife; for all she'd gone through and what was still to come. So if she wouldn't let him be there for her, he could at least make sure that she wouldn't be alone.

*

Remi thought hard about leaving when he walked back into his apartment, knowing that it was what she should have done. But her usual steel resolve was completely missing in action and she told herself she could give him one more minute if that was the last she was going to see of him.

She'd gone up there, compelled by unfamiliar needs. But as soon as she'd seen him, Remi had frozen up again, realizing that she had no idea what to do. She didn't want him to be alone but also didn't know how to stay.

He was obviously not going to try and convince her, she understood that from how devastated he looked. Which made her feel relieved and annoyed at the same time. It would have been easier to fight it out with him and storm away. The idea that he was letting her go, despite everything she'd done. It was not like Weller at all and made her strangely upset.

She was still frowning at his behaviour and stuck in thought when Weller returned, rushing and looking relieved, like he'd expected her to already be gone. He even offered her a sad smile, which instantly made her glad she'd stayed. Well, that and the sleepy puppy in his arms, who snapped to attention and started wagging his tail as soon as he recognized her scent.

In the midst of it all, she'd completely forgotten about the dog. With everything that had occurred, she hadn't even wondered what had happened to the creature she'd nearly given her life for. And now, Remi had no idea what he was thinking. She couldn't take a puppy with her on the run, especially with the ZIP poisoning looming over her. And even if she stayed, they didn't live the kind of lifestyle that was dog-friendly.

But the puppy was straining to reach her, nearly leaping out of Weller's arms. So there was nothing she could do but catch the creature before he tumbled to the floor and then hold him to her as he eagerly licked her face.

Remi felt a flood of endorphins hit and immediately tried to reject the warmth pushing into her chest. She didn't need the complications of a puppy and was suddenly angry at Weller for putting her in that position. She was about to use her irritation as fuel to hand the dog back and walk away from both sets of mournful eyes. But then the pup nudged his nose right into her ribcage and Remi was so startled that she huffed a laugh and snuggled the furball even closer.

"Hmm, he bites me when I try to do that," Weller said affectionately.

"I thought you should have the chance to have him," he continued. "No pressure, though. Allie's already agreed to take him if you can't. So he'll have a good life either way."

Goddammit. She couldn't even be pissed at him for forcing her into the decision. Not after he'd so carefully arranged everything for the animal she hadn't even thought of.

Remi realized that he'd probably only left the hospital to deal with the adopting the dog. She'd been wondering what could have pulled him away after how attentive he'd been and now it all came clear. Of course he'd thought about the puppy and taken care of the situation. And now he was giving her a final offering.

"But if you're leaving, you should take him. I don't want you to be alone," Weller added.

She definitely noticed the question embedded in his thought, heard the offer hidden within. Which didn't even bear considering, no matter how hopeful it made her feel.

Remi tried to push off the feeling that was sweeping over her, doing her best to set her face to a sneer.

"You're just going to let me go?" she asked. "Aren't you afraid of what I'm going to do?"

Weller looked at her with so much tenderness that Remi nearly had to glance away.

"Right now I'm just afraid of you dying," he whispered, as if saying it too loudly would jinx things. "I won't stop looking for a cure, even if you go. But I think it'd be better if we found it together."

Remi could see Weller steel himself, waiting for her to turn away, reject his offer. He looked nervous, and so goddamned sad. And for the briefest moment she let herself imagine crushing herself to him, how tightly he would hold her.

Shit. She really needed to leave; to turn around and walk the fuck away. But her feet refused to move and Remi stood there, staring at the sincerity in his blue eyes. Then, when she spoke, she didn't recognize herself at all. But it was, for once, the truth.

"I don't have anywhere to go."

*

"I don't have anywhere to go."

It's because she belonged there, with him.

Weller couldn't stop thinking that, but least he managed to not say it out loud. She wasn't his at all, and he definitely didn't want to scare her away.

Remi stood there, frozen, as if in shock from having revealed so much. And what he felt for her in that moment was confusing as hell. He wanted to love her, despite all reason. She was a ruthless criminal; had done so many horrible things in her life. And yet, this harder, damaged version of his wife broke his heart.

He would never have expected her to say something so vulnerable; was shocked she'd even shown up at his door. Again, he fought the impulse just to pull to him and tell her that everything was going to be okay. She still looked extremely twitchy, ready to run at any moment.

"Then stay," he offered gently.

Remi scowled, narrowing her eyes at him warily.

"And do what?" she asked. "You can't just keep pretending I'm Jane."

Weller flinched, because he'd been asking himself the same thing all day. Was he stuck in some fantasy that was clouding his judgement?

But the answer Kurt kept coming up with didn't clarify anything; it only made him more emotionally confused. He definitely still intended to try and get Jane back, that wasn't in any doubt. But once he'd declined to drug Remi again at the hospital and give her the personality-change treatment, he'd made an irrevocable decision, fearing the loss of both of them.

Because as much as he missed Jane and was desperate to get her back, he also didn't want to lose the woman in front of him. No matter who she'd been, what she'd done. He wanted her to have a second chance too; even though he knew that was naïve and completely at odds with his ethics as an FBI agent.

So he wasn't pretending she was Jane, that was impossible given their differences. But he did still see in her the hope of someday getting Jane back.

What it ended up coming down to was realizing that he wanted Remi to live, even if Jane were gone forever. As much as that thought hurt, losing both of them would have been even worse.

"No, you're Remi," he finally replied. "But I still want you to stay, at least until we find the cure."

She was still standing there with the puppy in her arms, giving him a suspicious look. He could feel her teetering, and desperately hoped he'd said the right words.

"And what, you're just going to lie to your team?" she asked, after a long anxious moment.

Weller's chest flushed with warmth, realizing that Remi was actually considering it. Yet he couldn't screw this up now, had to play his cards exactly right or she'd walk away and never look back.

"No, they already know the truth. They've all been working with you for months, they'll understand," he said, more confidently than he actually felt.

"Bullshit," she snapped. "They're not deluded like you, Weller. I can't believe you're willing to compromise all your values and let me go. You're no better than any of those corrupt officials we took out."

She wasn't wrong. Reade would rightly throw a fit about his plan to set her free and let her choose her path. And it went completely against everything he stood for as a federal agent. But he'd arrested her once before and it had turned out to be one of the worst decisions he'd ever made.

"You're right," he admitted. "I do unreasonable things for the people that I love."

*

"I do unreasonable things for the people that I love."

His statement drew all of the air out of her, and for a moment she forgot how to breathe. But then reality set in rapidly and Remi felt her shoulders tighten with self-irritation as she reminded herself of the truth.

She hadn't ever thought she was someone that could be loved; not after her parents died and she'd been forced to do terrible things in order to survive and protect Roman. It had scared her, how readily she could kill when necessary. There was so much repressed shame, things about herself she'd never been able to share with anyone.

Instead, Remi had learned to cultivate admiration and loyalty without allowing anybody all the way in; even Roman and Oscar had only loved versions of her, and her love for them felt more like an obligation to protect and defend. Because real love would have required her to be vulnerable to losing it; and she'd brutally learned that lesson early in her life.

"You don't love me, Weller," she replied, forcing herself to remember that fact.

She didn't know what he was doing, but Remi felt it dragging her in. Instinctively she wanted to run and escape his gravitational pull. Flustered, she put the dog down on the ground, in an attempt to push off the effect Weller was having on her. But then the puppy sat next to her and whined, making them both glance down in response.

"Maybe not," Weller replied. "But he already does."

"And I do care about you."

Only because he was still confused as hell by the fact that she wore his wife's body, apparently couldn't turn that switch off in his brain.

"I mean I care about you, Remi. Separate from everything I feel for Jane."

Remi froze, both internally and externally. Sometimes it seemed like he read her thoughts; or, more disturbingly, maybe he could actually see her. Even worse, she believed him and wanted it to be true. No matter how much Remi told herself he was trying to play her and would turn her in as soon as she gave in. She knew that he'd let her go; she could have been in another country already. She'd gone back there on her own accord and no amount of denial could negate that.

"How can you?" she asked, the words slipping through before she could stop them.

There was something wrong with him if he could just accept everything she'd done. She'd used him and abused him, preying on his trauma and co-opting his life. Then had plotted against him in every way; planned to murder him for months.

Weller shrugged, looked at her with that little furrow in his brow.

"I don't know. I just do. You didn't deserve the life you had. It's not an excuse for what you've done but I can't turn you in. I wouldn't be able to protect you from the CIA. Letting them take Jane was the worst mistake I ever made. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again."

He sounded so fucking sincere, and for a moment Remi was filled with hot rage at the tenderness he was offering her. Didn't he understand that she wasn't worth it? That she couldn't be saved? He was compromising all his values for an impossible goal.

And she both hated him and loved him for that.

*

He'd just bared his heart to Remi Briggs, and now Weller stood there, bracing himself for the repercussions of his actions.

He could see the internal battle waging within her but didn't have anything else to sway her towards staying. If what he'd offered wasn't enough, then he'd have to accept her decision. But at least he'd have tried his best to save her.

Remi didn't say anything for what seemed like ages. It was so strange to see her emotions on Jane's features, especially the ingrained hardness in her eyes. But it did make it all that more heartbreaking when she frowned a little and bit her lower lip in the exact way that Jane did when upset with herself.

"You're such an idiot," she muttered. "This is a terrible idea."

She wasn't wrong about either of those things. But he couldn't think of anything else that would keep her safe.

Kurt felt his chest grow ice cold at the thought of her walking away after his last gasp effort. But he forced himself to stay silent and let her decide.

"But I don't want to be alone."

Her quiet confession made his heart jam up in his throat. Again his arms started to extend towards her and he forced himself not to touch her. No matter how distressed she looked, having admitted her need.

He considered asking her if he could hug her, but was still worried about scaring her off. Remi was as tense as a wild animal, her eyes cast downwards as she chewed hard on the corner of her bottom lip. The air between them felt highly charged and he was afraid what any spark would ignite.

"You don't have to be," he said, renewing his offer. "I'm right here."

He swore that her eyes glistened as Remi turned her face away and he could see her struggling to steady herself before she finally looked up at him again, wearing an unreadable expression.

"You don't need to say anything. Just… stay."

Weller knew he'd won the battle when she furrowed her brow in annoyance and took a step towards him. He waited, expecting her to silently walk by him into the apartment. So he couldn't have been more shocked when she stepped right up to him, so close he could feel her breath on his skin.

Remi stood there silently, irradiating tenseness. Her hands hung by her side in clenched fists, as if she had no other way of controlling them.

It was clear what she wanted, and that all of her trauma and history wouldn't let her ask for it. So finally, Kurt reached out and pulled her into his chest; crushing her to him. And even though Remi's body was rigid at first, it wasn't long before she relaxed and lay her head over his heart, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist.

*

It felt so good to be buried in Weller's arms, engulfed in the warmth of his body and his familiar scent, that Remi didn't bother judging herself for wanting it. It was completely alien; being so needy, so goddamned vulnerable. Not to mention allowing it without tearing herself to shreds.

There had never been anyone there to comfort her, not after her parents had died. As a child soldier she'd quickly learned to harden herself against any emotional needs, because none of them would be met. And it had been her job to take care of her brother, help him through their ordeal as best she could. So any crying about her own situation had been put aside; especially once she'd realized what happened to kids who showed any weakness.

Of course none of that had changed when they were with Shepherd; if anything, it had been a harder emotional landscape to navigate. Their adopted mother was a textbook sociopath and had used affection merely as a tool to manipulate them both. Though Shepherd did care about them in her own twisted way, she certainly hadn't attended to their emotional needs, other than to teach them not to have any.

Even with Oscar, she'd always wondered if there would come a time when she'd come to rely him. It had been his underlying need and sensitivity that had drawn her to him - she had seen the boy who had lost his mother beneath the hardened young militant. But of course that had only led to her breaking his heart by putting the mission first, even though he should have known that was the choice she would always make.

It was all so different with Weller, though. When she'd seen Roman or Oscar hurting, it had made her into steel, ready to shield them at all costs. But whenever Kurt showed his needs, Remi felt herself soften, as if tenderized by the brunt of his emotions. She still wanted to protect him, but not just by harming his aggressor or plotting revenge. Instead, dismayingly, she wanted to tend to his heart.

It was only then that Remi realized what the next thought was, the one she'd never even allowed herself. It was bad enough that she wanted to defend him and heal his hurts. To want the same from him was opening herself up to a terrifying risk, one that she had no control over.

But, by the time all of that had gone through her head, her survival instincts had already kicked into overdrive and there was no way she was going to let go of him. Not when he was so goddamned warm, and somehow soothed the ache in her chest.

An indeterminable amount of time later, still tucked in the same position, he finally asked her if she wanted to go inside. Remi could hear his smile in the tone of his voice; the way he pressed his lips hard against her forehead.

And when it came down to it, it wasn't even that hard to say.

"Yeah. I guess I do."

She felt his unseen smile grow as Weller pulled her in especially tightly for a moment before stepping back, leaving just his arm around her back as he led her into the apartment.

For a second Remi stood there stiffly, unsure how to act in the space that had been her home for months. It was so strange to be there as herself and she felt oddly self conscious.

But Weller confidently guided her to the couch and sat her down, then went to make her a drink just as the puppy hopped onto the cushion beside her. Remi grinned and petted the dog as it cuddled right up against her side.

Just using her for warmth, she told herself. Which then triggered a cascade of half-formed memories, dulled by a frozen brain. Being carried in his arms, feeling so fragile yet protected.

When Weller returned with their drinks, he sat down on the other side of the dog, lingering his arm over her shoulders. He seemed to have no expectations of her, despite what they'd been through and her decision to stay.

For a moment Remi focused on her drink, hoping that alcohol would loosen her up a bit. She took a sip and noticed it was fixed exactly as she liked it; the realization making her feel flushed. Remi eyed Weller carefully, inordinately pleased that he'd noticed her favourite drink had changed slightly; even a little proud of him for catching such a small detail.

Weller caught her look and gave her a half-wink in response. Then he brought his own drink up and tapped it against hers, offering her a hopeful smile.

"To life," he said.

"To life," she replied, pushing the words past the lump in her throat.

Weller flashed her another grin, obviously pleased with himself. Then, very slowly, he moved his arm from on her shoulders and slipped it down her back until his hand was on her waist.

"This okay?" he asked, rubbing his thumb against her side.

Remi nodded, unable to trust her voice. But she shifted closer to him to indicate her need and Weller responded by pulling her right to him, until her head was resting against his shoulder and the squished puppy was squirming on her lap.

The dog clearly didn't want to be left out and Remi found herself laughing as the puppy demanded attention by trying to hit Kurt in the face, then wedging himself in between her and Weller.

Kurt feigned exasperation with the situation with an exaggerated groan but he couldn't hide the grin he was wearing. Remi realized she had never seen him so loose, unburdened by all his worries for just a moment. And, impossibly, it made her feel good to be there with him; to not be alone for once.

It had been a long time since she'd been so content being alive, Remi suddenly realized. For her, life had been mostly a game of survival, beating the odds until she met her inevitable early end. It still was that, her fate looming her even now. But she'd been only living for justice and revenge for so long that it was weird just being pleased to exist; even stranger to enjoy cuddling up to her dog and her pseudo-husband on Christmas Eve.

By the time Remi finally found her voice again, the dog had realized Weller wasn't going to give up his hold on her and settled for a position in her lap. Rubbing her head against his shoulder a bit, she nodded towards the computer on the coffee table.

"You should call your kid," she murmured, remembering that he hadn't had a chance to yet.

Weller looked down at her, his expression full of surprise.

"Are you sure about that?" he replied simply.

Remi heard everything he was really asking though; the same things she'd just asked herself.

Are you really willing to pretend to be Jane? Play the doting wife and parent?

She could sit the call out but that would incite questions, force him to lie to his kid. It would be so much easier on him if she just played the part and let him have a relatively worry-free interaction with his daughter.

"Yeah, I'm sure," she said. "It's Christmas Eve. You should be with the people you love."

Remi cringed as soon as the words escaped, realizing that he couldn't be with the woman he loved, possibly ever again. She hadn't meant to remind him of that, especially so bluntly. Thinking about it now, somehow still held tight against him, it almost made her feel bad for regaining control of her brain. Despite that being the plan all along.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I know you miss her."

It wasn't much, but it was much more than Remi thought she'd be able to say. Weller stared at her with a small frown and misty eyes. She could feel him thinking about Jane and imagined he was seeing all the differences between them, remembering that she'd stolen his wife from him.

But when he spoke, there was no animosity in his voice and only a hint of the sadness she could see in his eyes.

"Yeah, I do. A lot," he said with a nod.

"I would have missed you too though. So… thanks. For being here."

Remi blinked hard and hid her face against him for a moment, trying to will her emotions into submission. But it didn't help that he was absently rubbing her shoulder and she could feel his breath against her hair.

Eventually she managed to pull herself together and took a peek upwards, only to find Weller still gazing at her fondly, like she hadn't just ruined his life.

There was something wrong with the idiot, he had too much goddamned heart.

"You are… unbelievable," Remi muttered.

She did her best to scowl, but knew that it had come out tinged with affection instead of malice. Though the responding affectionate grin on Weller's face almost made it worth it.

"It's getting late, let's call your kid," she grumbled.

Kurt nuzzled his mouth up against her temple, and she could feel him grinning against her skin.

"Yes ma'am," he said, faux seriously.

It was Christmas Eve and she could be a thousand miles away already. But there she was, playing house with Weller, with everything out in the open. No more pretending.

She should feel exposed and threatened. But being tucked against him, wrapped in the enemy's arms; it was the safest she'd felt since the night her parents died.

So, for once, Remi let it slide. Postponed self judgment to indulge in the comfort of Weller's presence and feeling so goddamned cared for.

"Shut up, Weller," she groaned.

And, just as she'd planned, Kurt's grin spread even wider and he planted another kiss against her brow.

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