Hopelessly Lovesick

[doitforadamparrish]

when kafka said ‘you wouldn’t believe the kind of person I could become if you wanted it’ and when brontë said ‘if you ever looked at me with what I know is in you, I would be your slave’ and when Sartre said ‘if I’ve got to suffer it may as well be at your hands’

[rantingtothevents]

What do I need to tell her?

That I saw her in the eclipse I recounted to her, and in the aurora I saw the same. That I looked for her there and in her absence deemed them lesser. That I saw her in every flower we passed in that botanical garden, and many before, and every one since.

That I have tried to move on from this love but couldn't. That it made me sick to think this could pass me by without knowing for certain. That I feel some kind of shameful guilt for holding on to it.

That I am terrified even on the off chance we could give this a shot, I will not be fit for it. That I have never known how to do this. That if I am nothing else I am a willing and eager student.

That I crave for her to feel joy and bliss whether I am blessed to be there or not. That I wish to trudge through pain and grief alongside her. That I am probably a fool for thinking I could do these things for anyone.

That I might just be too sentimental. That I dont care if I am.

What do I actually say?

Have you seen the new episode of that show you like yet?

(I've watched it twice today hoping I would get to talk to you about it)

Have you heard that new song from the artist you showed me?

(The longest playlist in my library is made of the songs that remind me of you)

How's that new job you were so excited about starting?

(I long to listen to each small happenstance)

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Isabel Allende, The House of the Spirits

[rantingtothevents]

Still trying to figure out whether I'm being delusional in an optimistic or pessimistic type of way

[hakaan05]

And there was shame on the way I love you

Felt like standing in your doorsteps, drenched and all I could offer was myself when you already have your self.

It felt like pitching a new car to a dealer, you knew more than I do.

Shame in trying to prove that I can love you more than you

[pink-heart-writes]

[luciferslilith7]

I hope the wind sings to you my unsaid words

[rantingtothevents]

I want to scream to whoever will listen

Do you understand

That she was hope to me

Do you understand

That in my mother's absence, my father never taught me how to love

Do you understand

That I've never been able to tell anyone what they've meant to me

DO YOU UNDERSTAND

THAT I TEAR MYSELF APART EVERY NIGHT

PIECE MYSELF TOGETHER EACH MORNING

DO YOU UNDERSTAND

THAT I HAVE NEVER KNOWN PEACE WITHIN MYSELF

DO YOU UNDERSTAND

THAT MY HEART HAS FESTERED BEHIND MY RIBS

CHURNING IN THE LOVE FOR THE WORLD AND THE HATE FOR THE SELF

THAT MY FLESH HAS NEARLY LEAPED FROM MY BONES AT THE CHANCE OF BEING HELD

THAT MY LUNGS HAVE RUPTURED HOLDING IN EVERY WORD I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO SAY

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

touch-starvation needs to be written with emphasis on the starving part. you are hungry to be touched. so hungry that even the very taste of it makes you nauseous. it has been long since anything has ever touched you, ever fed you - that your body has grown more used to that gnawing emptiness more than anything else. it's better for you to be held, to eat but it makes you sick to try. you know

[lemondropsandchimney]

My heart is the graveyard of my concealed feelings, for you. It is engraved with wounds; flooded with tears.

[noonwalkdiary]

i was so fucking sad when i was 14 and now when i fold my laundry or see a pool of moonlight on the floor of my bedroom i know that miracles exist. i see love in everything. love sees everything in me too

[remanence-of-love]

[the-purvashadha]

"Would you peel an orange for me?"

I would peel a pomegranate for you.

[rantingtothevents]

I have loved her as my friend and I still do

Only now I hold a second love for her within me

It is much heavier

I doubt she holds the same weight for me

So I try to put it down

But the weight seems to return to my chest

Each time she laughs

Or smiles

Or rolls her eyes

She is kind in a way that makes my joints ache

Beneath this weight

I will not force her to pull it from my hands

And dash it on the rocks

Instead I think I will place it down gently

And carry just a piece of it

As a fond memory

[thoughtkick]

“To love and lose and still be kind.”

— Warsan Shire

[rantingtothevents]

Eclipse

Looking to the sky

An embrace of celestial bodies

The likes of which

I may not see again in my lifetime

How is it

That in that radiant halo that held the moon

I saw you

That standing beneath this totality of beauty

I looked for you

[sunsbleeding]

Please, please, I just want to be remembered fondly, I want the warmth of an August evening to fill you with memories of me and all the love I tried to give, whether it was warmth or a sunburn it was all in an attempt to reach out and make you feel seen, I didn’t want to be bad and I tried my best not to be, but please remember me for my love, not for the pain I may have caused while I was trying to learn how to live

[maddieisnotreal]

what i could never confess without some bravado by emily palermo // a song for a lover of long time ago - bon lver // lies about sea creatures by ada limón //cassandra: a novel and four essays by christa wolf // the next time we talk on facebook by clementine von radics // i bet on losing dogs - mitski // don’t know