Feelings & Rants @rants-feelings - Tumblr Blog

We do not take the world from our parents. We borrow it from our children

Lady Phyll

To make change you have to be part of it. By getting involved with the student movement... your diversity becomes the fabric of society

Lady Phyll

#NUSLGBTPLUS18

I’m so stressed I want to scream but how can I when it feels like my throat is burning and my head is banging and everything is so fucking dizzy. Shit I didn’t take my anxiety pill today or yesterday’s or the day before. Maybe I can blame this feeling on that. To be honest I actually like the fact I’m ill however selfish or fucked up that sounds because it means I don’t have to focus on anything else, like the fact I completely fucked up with my money over the last year. Money I had been saving for years. It’s nice because people give me sympathy and affection without putting me right bang in the centre of everyone’s attention. I talk about it nonstop because it makes people feel bad for me so they say nice things so I don’t feel like I’m worthless and basically just a big fucking mess. My girlfriend who struggles expressing emotions is even trying. Anything I say or do is excused because I’m ill, I got one friend to cook me dinner, another to buy me milk and a load of people wishing me well. But as soon as I get better I’m back to facing a million things I haven’t done and a thousand problems that need resolving. There are one person’s relationship problems, another’s family problems, another’s mental health problems. That’s not even including my own financial problems, motivation problems, lack of job, lack of completed work, lack of revision plans. I have shit to do but you can bet I’ll just long out this illness to avoid it, telling myself over and over that I’m far too ill to do any of the things that I have to do.

If we can speak live to a man on the moon and all over the world, why can't we talk to our neighbours?

We will all be on the ground equally, we will rely on each other to rebuild it together.

We’re living in space age times, with stone age minds

Whats wrong with wrinkles? They are a record of smiles. Don’t let anyone bully you into changing your body because it wont change anything.

I used to feel so much, every sense was heightened; every feeling was powerful and overwhelming. I could emphasise with anyone or anything and a hug would feel me with so much joy and a touch would make my body tingle. Something’s changed, since I was 17 it’s like my brain forgets to feel, there is a disconnection where I know how I should be feeling, how I expect to feel but my body doesn’t react accordingly. It’s like my soul is floating in a thick atmosphere, it can’t break through to my body. When I’m with people, I know in my head it’s a happy, great memory being formed in front of my eyes but it’s like I’m behind foggy glass, I’m not really there, I’m simply an observer to the world that continues moving. I want to be there, God I wish I could be there but I feel like I’m a ghost of who I want to be. I can see the laughter and joy going on around me and I want to feel it, my brain is telling me to but I can’t. Instead my eyes lose focus and I find myself staring off into another world, a grey dismal land overlooking the colours of the world I’m seemingly part of. Then there’s my degree, I have such a passion for Psychology, I love it and it fascinates me deeply but when I sit to do work I will spend hours just staring at the paper in front of me, knowing exactly what I want to do, what my plan is, how to do it and everything else you could possibly think of without actually doing it. I look in the mirror and stare, where am I? I can see my face, the freckle on my ear, the birthmark on my side, I can see me but in my brain I’m separate. I sit in the café, nervously trying to think of conversation starters whilst my eyes ping back and forth across the room as I here snippets of people’s lives, my mind drifts somewhere I can’t get hold of and my friend looks at me, questions my thoughts because my face seems like its focused on something really important. In actual fact I can’t give an answer, I simply don’t know. I’ve become a black hole, I can’t articulate the matter within because I myself can see nothing, let alone tell others what lies within. I exist, breathe, and move, I follow the routine behaviour, and turning up to my lectures, laughing at jokes, working out, responding to others as my mind is utterly spaced out.

People are complex, each individual has a unique set of genes forming their physicality, even influencing their personality, they have experienced a life like no other, not a single other human being has seen this world like you have, no one else has dealt with what you have, have been exposed to the same things you have and seen it the same way you have.

There’s a myth that we only see 50% of the moon at one time, but that’s not true. Very rarely, you can see up to 59% which is called the Lunar Liberation. You can go your whole life seeing things one way, having a set perception, mind-set, you can do the same thing every day, but one day, you may stumble across something, something so simple can change things. You take a different route on your way home and suddenly you find a new world.

The dancing in the stars – the anticipation before the kiss, the feeling of the tingling tension and excitement lifts you up because it’s new and different. You almost dance as you approach one another because it’s scary and you want it so much.

I want my Ted Mosby, a stupid fictional character on a cheesy American sit com. I want to be loved that much they can’t contain themselves, a love so intense I’m adored and valued and understood. I want to become one with someone, not be two separate beings. Sure I want my independence, but I want that someone cheering me on through every second, hugging me when I need it without me asking or hinting. A hand in mine as we talk to others, a surprise present because they were out and they thought of me and knew I’d love it. I want to make someone so immensely happy at times, that it doesn’t matter how many arguments we have, we’d get through it because a break up is simply not an option. I want to be reminded of them in every song, in every couple that passes by, in every cheesy movie. I want to experience this life with someone by my side, loving me so much. I want to feel beautiful and strong and capable and valued more, not just on the odd occasion. I want someone I can talk to for hours or just sit in silence, enjoying each other’s company. Someone who loves the shows I do, and even if they hate it, we’d share our preferences and enjoy them, because even if it’s shit, we can just lie together. I want someone to send me a message, not late at night, or as a task first thing in the morning, but halfway through a busy working day, telling me they love me. I want someone to look at me and be awestruck. To love every word I write, every picture I draw, every rant I hold back from everyone else. I want to laugh, and make them laugh like no one else can. Be someone that helps them through the hard days and be the first person to tell news to, big or small. I want to treasure someone, show them how wonderful they are and embrace their imperfections. I want to create a life with someone where we function like a jigsaw puzzle each part fitting perfectly together, both contributing with our memories and words and gifts and love. I want to feel so in love I can’t help but smile like a complete idiot when I see them. Autumn walks with hot chocolates, Easter Sunday with my family, their hand on my leg because they know I can feel excluded sometimes, ice skating in the winter, weekend trips to the beach on a sunny weekend in a scabby chalet because we’d had a tough week. I want my one and only, the person who makes me complete. I’m only 17, I have my whole life ahead but already I want my partner in crime, my best friend, my life partner.

q~�ʟ�;

Love at first night is a rare occurrence, it’s doubtful it even exists. It has no empirical evidence; you can’t put it down to observational characteristics in a scientific setting. All you have are words and actions, opinions and perspectives. You see the interaction between two people and their connection is like static electricity, each touch and look is beautiful and unique and only fellow lovers can even begin to comprehend what they have. Two souls intertwine like the DNA helicase running through your body and they become part of each other.

Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand - the thing that is almost the thing that you want, but it is not quite. Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz - lifelong treasure of destiny. It’s not something that develops over time. It’s something that happens instantaneously. It causes swirling like the water of a river after a storm, filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin.

HIMYM

I'm not going to lie to you so I may as well be honest from the start. This isn’t going to give you the answer. It’s not a simple case of one book and boom your problems are gone. Life is shit. It’s hard and it’s unfair. But it’s how you deal and develop from it that determines how well you get through it. Every person is different; some can be calmed by a few deep breaths. In. Out. Voila. Others rant about the hardship of life to a trusted individual and they’ll be able to leave it behind. It’s okay if it doesn’t work for you, because you are unique and different. Don’t doubt the validity of your feelings because you are worth much more than that.

Anxiety is a scary and frustrating feeling. You have panic attacks in the most inconvenient places for no reason. You can’t talk to the shop assistant because it’s too intimidating. You’re a few minutes late to work because you were shaking and your heart was racing even though you’ve worked for 2 years now and it’s no different this shift then it is any other time. You go quiet all of a sudden and feel the world speeding around you because your friends are having so much fun but you just can’t get involved. You cancel plans last minutes because you’ve exhausted yourself from last night’s spring clean because you needed something to keep you busy. You have a day to yourself because the outside world seems so big and there are so many noises and people and colour your heart can’t take it. You left half the test paper blank because your mind clouded over during the exam and you couldn’t take the pressure. You stop talking midway through a conversation because you’re overanalysing every detail of your environment sending your mind into a whirlwind of questions.

Sometimes the brain becomes overwhelmed, thoughts come in a swirling stream that don’t make sense. All you know is you feel a deep sadness coupled with crippling anxiety to the point you want to break out of the porcelain skin hiding the explosive insides. It is so intense nothing else can get through, it’s just paranoia and pain and this weight within that drags your whole body down.Fatigue is a familiarity and you don’t concern with the odd pains that arise, you’re just thankful because you’ll know they’ll fade. Unlike the weight.

I want to explain it to you, I obviously can’t face this on my own I need help. But my mind fights any call for help with excuses, downsizing the problems as if they don’t matter. But they do.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Feelings & Rants