(i was) Raped at Tufts University

I'm a young woman of colour who is a survivor of domestic and sexual violence at the hands of another student at Tufts University. When I reported what happened to me to the police and to the university administrators, they ignored my case. A year later they expelled me claiming that they did not have to help me at all. I created this to share my story and expose the inadequate policies in place at Tufts to address sexual violence.

[fuckyeahfeminists]

My Student Debt Story - Like I Need Another Reminder of My Rape

I read Natalia’s own story about student debt and it got me mad. It reminded me of my own story and I thought I could share to show why good sexual assault policies matter. How rape changes lives. Why schools need to act responsibly and be held accountable for their reaction to rape survivors.

Setting the stage.

I was fortunate enough to be able to go to prep school for grades 8 through 12. My family did not pay full tuition; I was one of those A Better Chance alums who got a good education thanks to a good dose of financial aid. I struggled during those years (what adolescent doesn’t?!) I worked hard and got into 8 of the 9 schools to which I applied.

I remember when I got my acceptance letter - and scholarship offer - from Tufts University. It was spring break of senior year and I excitedly ran around the house alone with the letter in hand. Unfortunately, even with the financial aid + scholarship we had to take out some loans. This is where we made some decisions that would bite us in the ass years later:

we used Tufts’ preferred lender (which didn’t mean much for us);

the preferred lender was a bank, which means all the rules I read (and improvements that Obama has implemented) about federal student loans do not apply to me;

we took out a PLUS loan - so it was really my dad’s loan, meaning his credit takes a hit, which hurts not only me, but my family - my mom, my sister, myself.

Now I went to a high school that was more than $20,000/year per girl (yes it was an all girls’ school). Our college counselors helped us get into college. Not so much pay for college. As being a first generation American, we did not have many resources to know how to make it all work. At our prep school you just went to expensive schools. Because it was the thing you did. Because it was worth it.

Rape and abuse on a college campus.

I got involved with an individual who was great at psychological torture and not knowing the meaning of consent. My stellar academic record that helped me get into great schools was dashed. For years I struggled not knowing why I couldn’t JUST CONCENTRATE or just NOT BE SCARED to walk around campus.

I finally figured out that, hey, abuse and rape aren’t cool. And they obviously are illegal and must be against school rules. Let me report to the school what happened.

That didn’t go over with them so well. They refused to hear my judicial complaint or offer academic help or any type of concrete support.

Then they expelled me.

The apathy of an academic institution.

So it took a lot to even summon the courage to tell the story of what I’ve gone through. To not only to get my rape and emotional and physical abuse ignored (I was apparently deemed “crazy” by the Student Affairs office), but to also lose the last thing that mattered to me. It was hard. And lucky me - the recession started really hitting.

I knew what happened to me was wrong, but that didn’t change the school’s mind. It didn’t make the Department of Education work any more quickly to respond to my Title IX complaint. It didn’t make the people who gave me my loans any more lenient.

The aftermath.

Taking into account for interest, I have about $100,000 in student debt from my time at a school that told me my rape didn’t matter. That it wasn’t true and my body wasn’t worth it. I basically am a college dropout with no degree, tons of debt, black, female, and no job.

The lovely bank ONLY gives a 6 month forbearance (even if you’re having financial difficulty! They dont care! Poor? Unemployed? Raped? You’re just shit out of luck!) and they defaulted my loan December 23, 2010. Merry-fucking-Christmas. Mind you, I had spoken to many representatives of the lovely bank. I told them I was going back to school Jan 2011. They said that would be okay and they would be able to hold off on the default. Apparently not.

The point of this? I want to share that rape has very real consequences. This is beyond PTSD - beyond depression - beyond getting triggered if a male raises his voice at me. This is a very real scenario that could hurt my chances of getting my own place to live (if I ever get a job, harr harr) and maybe even threaten the home I share with my parents.

Reminders of rape subsequent survivor guilt.

I get multiple calls a day from the bank. These are like multiple phone calls that remind me (hey! you! You got raped and couldn’t handle it like a wuss and now you’re paying for it! Literally!) I tell them I’ve been a full-time student all year, but the loan is in collections and we can “set up payments” except I am so fucking poor that I get full financial aid at a $100/credit community college (read: $2,500/semester). I can’t afford it.

Like the isolation isn’t enough of a reminder of being raped. Like the unemployment isn’t enough of a remind that I was raped. The lack of a college degree and watching people I went to school with get their second and third degrees while I am taking intro classes at a two-year school to maybe one day get a bachelors is reminder enough. 

Honestly, I shouldn’t fucking feel guilty for being traumatized not being able to know what to do. But I do. This is what happens with schools are allowed to pick and choose which acts of violence are worth addressing. This is what happens when we live in a rape culture that allowed administrators to sweep rape up under the rug instead of support survivors and hold rapists accountable.

I cry a lot because I feel like I fucked up by being raped. It is terrifying to think I will forever (or for a very fucking long time) be weighed down by this huge debt and I might take my family down with me.

[rapedattufts]

[Trigger warning for talk about rape]

[rapedattufts]

The U.S. culture of rape makes the voices of women of colour inaudible. Stories of white women being raped, although also poorly constructed, draw from a different bank of assumptions, and at least sometimes include the notion of personhood or citizenship and rightful access to law. The reality that no one will believe a woman of colour, or the sentiment that no one would rape _you_, continues to silence women of colour.

-- "Trial by Media" by Samhita Mukhopadhyay in Yes Means Yes!

Here's lookin' at you, Tufts University, for having an administration complacent about the rape of women of color.

[bblackenedbutterfly-deactivated]

Eight percent of college men have either attempted or successfully raped. Thirty percent say they would rape if they could get away with it. When the wording was changed to “force a woman to have sex,” the number jumped to 58%. Worse still, 83.5% argue that “some women look like they are just asking to be raped.

Margo Paine, Ph.D. (Body Wars)

THIS SHOULD MATTER TO YOU! (via kittensandskeletons)

No woman is ever “asking” to get raped, no matter what she is wearing or what she looks like. A woman should be allowed to be proud of her own body without feeling like she’s inviting rapists to attack her. It has become rather apparent to me that we live in a society that would rather make the victim the real criminal instead of trying to find ways to prevent things like this from happening in the first place. “She was practically asking for it” should never be something that is okay. If she says “yes”, then she’s ‘asking for it’, otherwise, back the hell off and treat the lady with some respect. Women are people, too, in case you weren’t aware.

(via fantasticbyaccident)

**TRIGGER WARNING**

(via hoaxzine)

[rapedattufts]

“Rape is rape and the sooner universities make that clear, the sooner we can make progresses on campus.”

Joe Biden

Biden, Duncan highlight new federal guidance on campus sex assault probes - The Center for Public Integrity

[rapedattufts]

Tufts University Not Doing Enough to Help Black Students

It is almost laughable that the day before a national holiday meant to commemorate one of the leaders of the civil rights movement for African Americans I find myself applying for food stamps and General Assistance. A year and a half after getting expelled, I see myself becoming increasingly closer to that statistic. A young, uneducated black person overwhelmed by debt and lack of employment who needs to depend on welfare just to meet basic needs. I think bitterly of Dean Glaser's dismissive denial of appeal letter; he told me that I would be "better off" kicked out of the school and attending university at home. Instead, I've been a victim of more domestic violence, kicked out of a home, and with absolutely no money to be able to get the food or care I need. I've been traumatized and a survivor of violence and have not been able to get any treatment since getting kicked out. It is not very farfetched to say that I absolutely NOT better being kicked out.

I very much think that my current position in life is due to Tufts not caring or believing that I was raped. I think it is because they did not think my body was worth anything. I think it is because they did not take me seriously and did not want to help me or consider the consequences of their decisions. They had absolutely no concern about what happened to me or what could happen to me.

When I read a Racialicious blog post about Towson University eliminating the graduation gap between black, white, and latino students I learned about the existence of College Results Online. Apparently Education Trust, a Washington-based think tank that focuses on racial and ethnic achievement gaps, did a study about the graduation gaps at various four-year colleges throughout the country and wrote a brief noting how some schools are working hard to eliminate the disparity in graduation rates between blacks and whites.

Naturally, I wanted to see how Tufts measured up. The Tufts Daily recently wrote an article quoting administrators who boasted about their high graduation rates.

The success is a testament to the administration's dedication to its students, according to Director of Public Relations Kim Thurler.

But is this "dedication" unevenly applied? During my time as a student (and even afterward!) I would see and hear stories of students of colour who struggle to be accommodated academically. I would often be confused when I would hear about their white classmates who seemed to have been able to pull the right resources (in even the most seemingly dire of circumstances) to have the administration to help them out and get the best results possible.

I already wrote about how I believe my race played a factor in Tufts mishandling my rape report. This led to a barrier for a student of colour to getting the degree they were seeking. If my race potentially played a role in getting kicked out then imagine how it affects other black students at Tufts of the past and present? The reason why I even created this blog to put my opinions and experience out there is for a reason - if schools pledged to take rape seriously - if Tufts pledged to sincerely take measures to end rape on its campus - it would be a big step forward in creating a better and more equitable future for people regardless of their sexual violence survivor status. Individuals should not be punished because of events that were out of their control.

While the national average is that black students graduate rate is about 20 points lower, 2008's statistics show Tufts is above the national average. HOWEVER, Tufts consistently has a lower graduation rate for black students.

When Tufts is compared to other similar schools in terms of graduation rates overall, it falls behind the curve. Tufts performs even more poorly when looking at the graduation rates for black students; the university clearly is greatly behind the curve. If I knew this, I know I would not have enrolled at the university.

There is a real lack of concern for the needs of students of colour. In their places of privilege, the administration has been short-sighted in their decisions by arbitrarily providing help and accommodation for students when they are in need. The intersections of oppression can be very heavy. In my case, my class, race, gender, and survivor status have all worked together to put me in a position I never thought I'd see myself.

This is definitely not the dream Dr. King envisioned.

Original Article

[rapedattufts]

A man who chronically mistreats you is not a good source of information about who you are, including about your supposed weaknesses, or even your strengths. (Because even when he praises you, he’s doing that to try to mold you into who he wants you to be, rather than accurately reflecting back to you the person you really are – or he’s praising you to manipulate you emotionally.) His vision is too distorted, and too self-centered and self-serving, to have any useful clarity, at least when the subject is you. In short, it is impossible to abuse someone while also seeing them clearly.

-- Lundy Bancrof, Healing is Possible