Whatevah

So the name's Raphael. I'm currently 35, but still doin' what I do best.... and that's all yah need to know. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Indie-ish, semi selective rp blog, with an alternate time line of my own. Multishipping as well.

[raphtheolderredbastard]

[[ This is a post that’s been a long time coming, partly because I wasn’t certain I wanted to make it, and partly because I was hoping things would get better. Unfortunately, things are pretty much the same or even worse considering the things I have heard and seen going on here the last little while, and even though I still don’t wish to make this post it needs to be said.

This once felt like a community. Once. Then things dipped, but thanks to communication between those around the situation, it got better somewhat. And then it took what appeared (to me at least) to take a dive back to shit and practically cliquey. I will not address any of particular offending parties due to many reasons, but it regardless does not change the fact that it has made being here and being active around those that I care dearly about painful. So much so that I considered the option of leaving everything behind.

And everyone.

To clarify, that is still an option that I am contemplating, but to have that kind of thought for a site that was supposed to be for relieving stress and finding some kind of happiness for many, it really is deplorable to see those treat it like a high school. Talking shit about others, taking things out of context and then causing a big dispute about it when things could have been clarified with a simple message, picking on others, that kind of stuff. Really people, we all should know better. Regardless of age, it should be clear you treat others like you wish to be treated. 

That’s besides the point at this stage however, I am not making this post to “stir the shit up again” I simply wanted to make it clear as to what played a factor in this end result.

The end result being that I don’t even know if I *want* to come back to being on here and interacting with those that I care about, so the only conclusion I can think of going with is going on an indeterminate hiatus with a very possible leaving Tumblr entirely and cutting contact with everyone. 

Which leads me to the next portion of this long ass post, my rp partners.

There is no way that I can possibly apologise enough for this decision because it comes across as leaving you all in the middle of so many ideas/plans/anticipations without a single care for you all which couldn’t be further from the truth, and neither can I thank you all enough for being so patient and gracious with me for all this time. Each and everyone of you is absolutely amazing and wonderful for not only your limitless understanding, and kindness, but also for your willingness to put up with me possibly during all the things that go on in and out of Tumblr on all your ends as well. This of course is not an absolute everything ends with this post kind of message though, so I am not saying that I am giving up on all my threads. I do still want to continue them, but there are things that need to be fixed or changed and I do not want to give anyone false hopes or make anyone feel like I am absolutely done.

With all of that being said, I don’t know what else to add or say so I guess I will leave it at that. ]]

[thelostandforgottenangel]

I wasn't trying to be rude I was just giving you a helpful suggestion - you looked like an under paid stripper with all that crap on your face. I'm sorry you took it wrong way but if your going to put on Make up do it in moderation so when you met a guy he doesn't think he's getting a Victoria secret model instead of waking up one day to see Sméagol / Gollum

Look last night I didn’t know what to say because in all I was shocked… I still am and you messaging me again didn’t help your case because this is just as bad as the first. 

I don’t ever wear make-up I just do my eyes and sometimes a light lip gloss for big occasions because I see putting it on as a waste of time I never have and the one time I show off what I can do with it I get someone like you ripping into me - Take a damn good look cause I ain’t no Victoria Secret Model nor will I ever be but to compare me to Gollum of all the shit you could have picked to say I looked like

Thanks

[thelostandforgottenangel]

@marissabrewerrr this is why I never try to look nice and wear all that crap

[saismatters]

Don’t pay attention to this bullshit. someone can’t unilaterally decide what all men like or don’t like. you do you, sweetheart. yer beautiful and you wear what ever you want to, you don’t owe this tiny dicked douchebag an explanation for anything. 

and anon, you want to be helpful, don’t be a fucking coward. you wanna help, tell her who you are if you want yer opinion to matter. otherwise yer just the ugly son of a bitch behind screen trying ta be the keyboard warrior we all know ya ain’t. 

fucking bastard. 

[raphtheolderredbastard]

[thequotejournals]

I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.

Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis (via thequotejournals)

[wordsnquotes]

And sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in.

Jane Austen, Sense And Sensibility (via wordsnquotes)

[qwi13]

TMNT 2k3

[shacklefunk-deactivated20220623]

how to radically improve ur experience on tumblr.com:

mercilessly block all Fuckers. do not reply to them, do not “justify” blocking them. the goal is to get them out of ur life, not “win” a conflict

unfollow anyone who isnt actively improving ur quality of life. u dont owe the people u follow ur attention. if they arent producing content/posts that your benefit from in some way, u dont have to stick around. its not personal.

u dont have to care at maximum capacity about everything. ppl like to signal boost and spread awareness and thats great, but its ok to just not have the energy to do that. u dont have to feel guilty about using ur blog for YOUR purposes. thats what its for

if u need to, turn anon off. theres no shame in that. it works.

if someone is raising a concern with you or reacting critically to something youve said or done, listen to them with empathy rather than getting angry. not everyone is trying to start a fight when they call u out on doing something hurtful, and if u react angrily on a knee-jerk reaction to someone who was just trying to help, ur gonna look like an asshat

if u feel like ur about to look like an asshat, its advisable to get up and do something else for a while until youve cooled down and can think rationally. u dont have to reply right away

 “tone” is pretty subjective, so try not to fight with people over it

u dont have to fight with every motherfucker who says some ignorant or passive aggressive shit on ur posts. just block them. they can be wrong all by themselves.

just block them

abuse the block function

it is there for u to use it

[raphtheolderredbastard]

post 10 facts about yourself and pass it on to 10 faves ⊂( ´ ▽ ` )⊃ [[ I am super late with this meme so you can ignore it if you want to or have it be for Raph!!! Hope life is treating you well!!! *all the hugs and smooches* ]]

[[ I would NEVER ignore something from you, how dare! I LURVESES YOU! Also not doing so well but *shrugs before giving all the hugs and smooches back* 

Alright then, ten more huh? Hmmmm…..

1. I hate fish and almost all fishy things. Can’t stand the smell, taste, and most textures.

2. I jokingly say it’s because my astrological sign is a fish too, and that I just can’t bring myself to eating fellow fish brethren, but truth is it’s just nasty to me.

3. I have (100% to my full knowledge) always had pizza on my birthday. Yes, even once or twice for breakfast.

4. I also hate black licorice. It is horrid and vile stuff that should be thrown into the pits of Mordor, never to return.

5. I once flipped over the handle bars of my bike, fell on my arm and side (ripping up the forearm quite a bit, and since it was loose gravel ended up having to pick rocks out of it for a good hour later), and started to laugh when I flopped onto my ass after and noticed a single shoe had been projected off of my foot and landed a couple of feet away. Don’t know why it was funny, just was. Mom was slightly mortified that I was still giggling after I hobbled home. Dad however, seemed proud.

6. I love Root Beer. FITE. ME. I LOVE IT! Y’ALL WITH YO PEPSI’S CAN TAKE YO SHIT AN’ LEAVE! ….. Coca Cola drinkers can stay. xD

7. I not only know how to play guitar, violin, and trumpet, but also know how to play: clarinet, flute (flute and always out of breath buddies! *high fives Shady*), alto and tenor saxophone, piano, a bit of drums, harmonica, and the recorder. Right before I finished high school though, I was in the process of learning trombone, timpani, french horn, and the bassoon. 

8. Sticking with the instrument topic, I have always wanted to learn how to play the harp.

9. I have genuinely lost track of how many electronic devices I have fixed both in my childhood and in my adulthood. Either together or separate. Hell, I even forget how many times I fixed the BETA alone.

(For you youngins, THIS is a BETAMAX [aka BETA])

And last but not least

10. I have been disrespected, sad to say, all my life. From family, from friends, from relatives (whom I do not consider the same as family simply due to the fact that they have treated me and my family like shit), from acquaintances and from strangers. I know full well what disrespect looks and feels like, and if I respond to any one of you with a single word to something you have said, it is one of three things.

A) I am currently pissed off beyond the capability of using more than a single word, and am trying to reign in the fury so as to not say anything hurtful even though you may have said something hurtful first.B) I am waiting for you to explain or speak your part and assume there is more to come.Or C) I am undeniably a current combination of either hurt, depressed, confused, overwhelmed, speechless, near tears, afraid, worried about saying anything for fear of making things possibly worse, or all of the above and all at once.

And just so that this can be wrapped up on a more positive note

BONUS FACT!

11. I was once told to kick the soccer ball as hard as I could during phys ed, and when I kicked it, the ball went so far out of the field that it actually ended up in someone’s yard behind the school. I was promptly told never to kick the ball again. >.> ]]

[raphtheolderredbastard]

GHOSTY!!!!!!!! *runs at for hugs*

[[ *catches you* Heya Holly. How goes? ]]

[raphtheolderredbastard]

(Like I could resist) "Would you kindly...eat this big ol' plate of cookies and share them with your mun? :D"

SEND ‘WOULD YOU KINDLY’ AND A COMMAND AND MY MUSE HAS TO OBEY. 

~No longer accepting.~

Raph smirks at the command, considering what other kinds of things that could have been asked (like eating raisin cookies for one), but looks a tad put off by the request to share with the mun. However, without the slightest grump, he nods his head and gently takes the offered plate. “Yah know, there were many ways yah coulda abused tha’ meme, but jus’ goes t’ show how kind and considerate yah are all th’ time.”

[[ I doubt that buttering her up will have her rescind the command to share with me you know…. ]]

“Shush yah face.” 

[[ *chuckles and sneakily takes two cookies from the plate* My thanks as well Chelle dear. And I don’t mean for just the cookies. ;) ]]

[raphtheolderredbastard]

post 10 facts about yourself and pass it on to 10 faves ⊂( ´ ▽ ` )⊃

[[ I’m surprised I got one of these, but thank you Chelle. And since both you and @southernblossoms listed me, I guess I owe you both 10. Well, here we go:

1. I originally went by Ghosty on Skype chats since it was easier, and allowed the mystery of an actual Raphael possibly being behind the blog instead of just me. 

2. That *points upwards to previous fact* was not the only reason, and only a couple of people know the other reason.

3. I am very good at hiding certain feelings or emotions unless pushed to the extreme. Some of you may think you know me, but in truth I have still much hidden.

4. I worry, a LOT. More than anyone here could understand and that is simply because I have always worried about things throughout my life. I legit worry about things 99% of the time.

5. During high school, I made cakes for all my friends birthdays (including icing them), and I would always ask beforehand what their preferences were.

6. I genuinely don’t feel like I am wanted anywhere.

7. I dabble in a little bit of everything at times. Mostly because I want to and need to do something with my hands.

8. I have taught myself how to play a couple of instruments like the violin, the guitar, the trumpet, and a few more. Mostly due to my love of learning new things and love of music.

9. I love playing video games. LOVE it. I have been a gamer since I was very young and the only thing we had was a commodore 64. 

10. I have a very very high pain threshold, both physically and emotionally.

Good lordy I have to do 10 more? Oi vey…

11. I have an immensely shitty memory, and it has been going on since my teen years. About the same time I started not dreaming at all.

12. As a child it was a miracle that my mother ever got any good pictures of me because I would always try to make the worst faces since I hated being in photos.

13. I do believe in things of the supernatural.

14. I overthink things, a LOT. Which often comes across as me being quiet, but sadly the same cannot be said about the torrent that is going on in my head.

15. I actually have three OC’s, though only one up to date has a blog of her own.

16. I sometimes wish I could be me more detached with my emotions, but my past shows me that may not be such a good idea.

17. I started singing when I was 4.

18. I actually was part of a choir, a choral class, band, and both played and sang for my high school.

19. I sang and was in the top three of our high school’s singing competition.

20. And last but not least, though I have been told I have a very lovely singing voice, there is no way that I will sing in front of others usually, unless I am in a group but even then it is rather iffy. 100% I absolutely refuse to sing in front of a crowd because I get far too nervous. ]]

[im-taking-accountability-deacti]

There are 4 things I learned when I was 25:

You do not have to be affectionate all the time to care for someone, in fact, caring can also mean a couple of texts or silence for a few days while you both live your lives happily and separately.

People do not care for you less when they’re busy with their own lives. It’s your reaction to them being their own person - and your ability to make yourself happy - that determines how they feel about you.

Not everyone reciprocates to your actions the same way. If you want someone to acknowledge, be interested in, or treat you a certain way for your efforts, all you have to do is let them know. They will try their personal best to accommodate that within their personal spectrum of feelings.

No one owes you 100% of them, not even after 30 years, because someone having a percentage of themselves is what keeps them sane at the end of the day and that’s okay.

[ducksaysm00]

These things are so important to learn.

[meanplastic]

I think cooking is my calling 😋❤️🍴

[cheypowells]

Well hang up

[raphtheolderredbastard]

"Oh look, it's our fearless leader's cookin'. Noodles n' all."

[raphtheolderredbastard]

Thank you for existing. Send this to ten people who you think deserve a sweet and kind message in their inbox. 💖

[[ Honestly the thanks should go to my parents I suppose for the main fact that I exist, but the continued existing would be my part though it’s not like life hasn’t tried to rectify that. Thank you though Pallas, both for thinking about me to send this to, and because you took the time to send me the message. The same message goes to you by the way @secretlyapallascat.

And to all of these lovelies: @accioturtur @justalilwriterblog @lanyard09 @the3musesanglena-lucinda-markus @ellieandtheguys @selfless1978 @duzmachines95 @meanxgreenxteam @pinkmousey @southernblossoms @donatello-technobabbles & everyone else that I forgot to mention that has been supportive and understanding to others who have gone through and been going through very hard times and are still around spreading kindness to others. <3 ]]

[raphtheolderredbastard]

🌖 (And extra non-rp 🌖 for mun, cause all of the snuggles for you, bb!)

SEND 🌖 TO SNUGGLE UP TO MY MUSE WITHOUT EXPLANATION

It had been one hell of a long harsh night, and even though he hadn’t meant to, Raph unintentionally found himself halfway headed to Chelle’s apartment instead of the lair without even a single conscious thought about it. The realisation happened in mid jump, and did end up making his landing a bit shakier than usual, but he was quick to recover and shrug it off before continuing on his way to the fast approaching destination ahead.

He wasn’t actually sure she was even there to be quite honest, but when he landed on the roof, he wasted not a precious second to clamber down the side, and sneakily made his way down the fire escape as silently as he possibly could in the darkness of the moonless night. 

When her window came into view, and the light of the living room broke through the gloom that surrounded him, he couldn’t deny that his heart started to beat just the tiniest bit faster when her figure came in from an adjacent room. There weren’t words to explain as to why, but the mere fact that she was there made him feel a bit better. Maybe it had something to do with what happened earlier that night, and maybe it didn’t. All he knew was that there was a worry on his mind, and there was no talking to his family that would ease it.

Carefully he eased closer to the window, and allowed the glow to illuminate him almost fully before he leaned his emerald green with a smattering of red from the many cuts he received from tonight along his wrists and forearms, to the window and rapped at it gently. Hard enough to alert her of his presence, but soft enough to give away that it was him and not simply some stranger. Almost immediately at the sound, her head jolted upwards in alert to a possible intruder at her window, but the mixed look on her features quickly vanished as she noticed who it was.

As a smile bloomed across her lips, she bolted over to the window and let him in, to which he nodded his thanks before straightening to his full height.

“Didn’t expect you to be coming tonight, big Red. Especially since I haven’t any raisin to believe you thought I had cookies freshly made. So, to what do I owe the visit?”

Raphael only shrugged initially, as his gaze wandered around to the window behind him and moved to the side so he was out of view, and finally let out a partically distracted but amused snort. “Jus’ came t’ check on yah. Finished a patrol, an’ Ah was on mah way through here anyhow.”

His tone was clearly not convincing, but his mind was elsewhere at the moment as his gaze glanced over every window crease, every latch and screw. Anything and everything that could’ve put her in harms way or made access to the apartment easy. It certainly wasn’t uncommon for him to double and triple check locks and latches, but this time around he was being all too obvious. 

“Red?”

The voice was so distant, even though she stood a foot or two away from him.

“….Raph?”

The tone was now obviously concerned, but still he almost frantically searched for something that might need to be fixed and tightened. A nail. A screw. A bolt. A..

And then suddenly a pair of warm and soft arms wrapped around one of his, and tore him from his involuntary but frantic quest. He blinked and turned to look down at the small figure peering up at him, and then frowned in confusion.

“Come sit. Please?”

Not a command he noted, as he searched her worried gaze.

A plea.

With a deep swallow he nodded, and allowed her to turn and lead them both to the couch before seating himself in his usual spot. The one thing that was not usual however, was the fact that instead of keeping a small space between them to ensure as to not invade his space, this time however, she sat immediately next to him and snuggled into his side and draped one arm over his pectoral plates. Again he blinked in surprise, and hesitated with uncertainty, before wrapping one of his arms around her shoulders after she gave him a nod that it was okay.

“Is everything okay big guy?”

“…..no.

              …ⁿᵒᵗ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ˡᵉᵃˢᵗ.“

[raphtheolderredbastard]

Confession Meme: Mo is the best thing ever and I will be 2648843 years old and still point to shibas and shout ITS MO OMG so thank you for blessing me with this adorable goober

SEND ME A CONFESSION THAT YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY TO ME ON ANON. DON’T WORRY ABOUT GIVING ME HINTS OR TELLING ME WHO YOU ARE. JUST TELL ME SOMETHING YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY TO ME BUT HAVEN’T HAD THE COURAGE TO SAY

[[ Shady, I lurve you but dangnabit it says right there not to give hints. I love you though. Like super amounts, SUPER AMOUNTS WOMAN! Accept it! Tis truth and cannot be denied! 

…also yis, same. What has been done/seen, can no longer be unseen. ]]

[raphtheolderredbastard]

I confess that YOU IS MA FAVORITE GHOSTY AND I WUB UUUUUUUU

SEND ME A CONFESSION THAT YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY TO ME ON ANON. DON’T WORRY ABOUT GIVING ME HINTS OR TELLING ME WHO YOU ARE. JUST TELL ME SOMETHING YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY TO ME BUT HAVEN’T HAD THE COURAGE TO SAY

[[ This is so late and I am so sorry for it T.T  Please forgive me and my insane brain meats for being lame?

And aren’t I technically the only ghosty? Well, I suppose there are probably more around and on the nets so I can’t really say I am the only one. I mean, Napstablook is one so right there I am wrong. Thank you, though I admittedly think there are better people out there deserving of said love honestly. ]]

[justalilwriterblog-archive-deac]

[[ I know I am 1000000 yrs late sorry, but if you are still answering these mebe? Please and thank you ]] 🦄- What’s your dream job? 💒- If you could live with anyone, who would it be? 🍭- List things that help you fall asleep. 💕- List two reasons to love yourself

What’s my dream job: It’s a bit of a toss up really. I’d love to write for a living or decorate cakes professionally maybe. Game testing is another that I think I’d be really happy doing. (Thought about special effect makeup for a long time since I enjoy it, but I don’t have that profession knack and supplies are wow expensive, so I’m content with that being an occasional hobby.)

If you could live with anyone, who would it be?: Five cats, a dog, and if possible a domesticated raccoon. :D (I’ve got three cats, so I’m on my way! Whoooo!) 

List things that help you fall asleep: Having my room extra cold with a ceiling and table fan running so I can bundle up under a mountain of blankets. Wearing ear plugs, so I don’t hear much other than the fans running. Sometimes a melatonin supplement. If I’m able to block out some of the nagging thoughts that keep me awake then a good focus on silly fantasies or things I’d like to write/rp helps. They’re not all sure fire things, but most of ‘em help get me comfortable enough to nod off.

List two reasons to love yourself: 1, because the more I try to love myself the better I feel and thus the better I can do for others. 2, because having cuddly pets is one way that I do for myself, to give myself that feeling of being loved, and that means just a few less animals without homes/on the streets.

[raphtheolderredbastard]

[[ I saw dem tags, I do it because I lurves! ]]