One of many things I love about Midnight Scrum is how it shows us the two faces of Hiccup in danger: when he is with his captor/attacker and when he is alone.
When he first wakes up below deck in Amos and Berthel's ship, he's visibly disoriented and scared. His expression, the way he desperately tugs at the ropes, the panicked gasps. And yes, he does immediately go into figure-it-out mode, but when he hears his captors walking around above deck, he pauses his desperate attempt to cut through the ropes and looks up with this expression:
I mean, look at him. He's been kidnapped and bound and is on his way to being delivered to his greatest enemy. He's terrified.
But the moment his captors are with him, he hides his fear and goes into what I affectionately call chihuahua mode: he puts on a fearless facade like a mask, barks big and loud with bold threats and snarky comebacks and angry retorts, and refuses to let any fear through the cracks.
Even in moments of desperation, like when he tries to convince Savage to ransom him instead of taking him to Viggo, or tries to jump ship with his hands tied, he doesn't let his fear show and instead relies on earnest appeals to logic and anger respectively to fuel his words and actions.
And like, even with a chain around his neck, Hiccup still leans into the defiance and problem-solving, looking-for-any-chance-to-escape mode far more than fear, and he never panics once.
The only times we see the mask slip in front of his enemies are near the end of the episode, when he has been tossed around, tied up multiple times and passed between bounty hunters like a hot potato, has had a chain wrapped around his neck and been dragged around like an animal, nearly fallen to his death after making the conscious decision to kill his enemy rather than save him, has been rendered completely helpless and at Ryker's mercy at the loss of his prosthetic and is about to be dragged off to Viggo to have Thor knows what done to him, is being used as a human shield.
And of course when he's tied up, legless, and has Throck looming over him with a knife. When he literally thinks he's about to die.
And I love that his exhaustion and fear show through in these moments because it allows us to see that Hiccup has reached his limit, reminds us that he's human, and also shows us that even when he's scared, he doesn't panic - he thinks, he acts where he can, and he musters as much defiance as he can, even though his mask is beginning to crack.
Like, even in these moments where shit gets really, really real, you can see no trace of panic, Hiccup is thinking, planning his next escape attempt, looking for any way out. Scared, yeah. But determined, defiant. And not letting his enemies see him panic, not even once.
I could literally go on for ages about this. I love this man so much; he's such a complex, interesting, psychologically fascinating, and wonderfully whumpable character.
my personal guide to choosing from core manifesting/shifting concepts
disclaimer: these charts (and the following words) are my current views of some frameworks that are often discussed in relation to manifesting/shifting. i've been picking up diagramming these days — these were originally supposed to be my own notes, but i figured they could help some of you, especially baby manifestors/shifters! if i had these charts at the beginning of my (conscious) manifesting/shifting journey i'd probably have an easier time figuring out which concepts i liked and sticking to them. these views may change with time. i'm not persuading anyone to see these concepts the way i do—so feel free to pick anything that resonates, or discard it all.
notes
from the charts:
[1] a lot of the concepts you and i see floating on this side of the 'blr have a common essence — the ones i've put in gradients are the ones i consider to be "umbrellas" with the most impact/reach ("central concepts") — which often have several variants being discussed around. i think the arrows are self-explanatory, but feel free to ask if something's unclear. i'll add edits with explanations here. (although if i've put in a concept separately in the charts at all, it has considerable nuance to how people perceive/use it, which separates it enough to stand out.)
[2] non-dualism's essence is the idea that there's no separation between you or me or a zebra in some grassy plain or said grassy plain or your best friend or your worst enemy or the dust bunnies in some wizard's cellar — and no one's the boss. as with all "fuzzy concepts", people have derived specific variants/builds/flavours of non-dualism to explain what made the most sense to them. from the charts (and a few extras):
advaita vedanta: advaita means non-dual ('a' as a negator, 'dvaita' as dual/divided, thus 'not-dual'), so you can consider this to be one of the, if not the oldest formally studied school of thought about non-dualism. but!! the idea here is that suffering (want/desire) is caused by the perception of a separation (an illusion btw) between oneself and the universe. the goal is to transcend that suffering by realizing that there's no separation. does it give you a cosmic control panel/wish granter? not necessarily. does it give you peace? with enough practice, yes.
zen buddhism: fun fact about me — i come from a family that often discusses/partially practices both advaita vedanta and zen buddhism. the discussions usually result in this: they both point you to realizing the interconnectedness of the world, although that blissful state of interconnectedness isn't super easy to maintain throughout the ups and downs of modern urban life™. zen, essentially, guides you to the "fact" of the nature of one's own being. it discourages the overintellectualization of one's life and would rather have you hold the "fact" with your naked hands lest it slip away. attaining buddhahood here looks like getting over the disturbances caused by our minds and attaining harmony in unity with everything. again, do you get a remote to control your surroundings? no. will you attain peace? again, yes, with serious practice.
neo-non-dualism: we have a choice of comparatively recent authors to thank for this. the branching point here is that this part of non-dualism insists you are the source — kinda like metaphysical solipsism? idk i'm no philosopher. but let's look at this in short questions. the goal/task here? realizing your "true" nature -- which is the source of all there is. "i am that i am" in the interpretation we're familiar with is a quote that's from here. are you in the cosmic cockpit? sorta. will you "get" your "manifestations"? not necessarily — here there is nothing to get, since "your" awareness is just "looking" at illusions. it might be playing. magical play. can be liberating, if taken gently.
loa-flavoured non-dualism (lfnd): now this one gets interesting — diverging from the previous flavours. here we go into no-separation with the intent to get/experience. does it enhance interconnectedness? depends on how you personally see it. is it truly non-dual? depends on how you see "not-you", if you believe that exists at all. peace? it doesn't liberate from want, but if getting everything you want with maximum autonomy/agency/creator/god-pass is your thing, yes. "divine play" can be a concept here. i think this is the most flexible branch of ND present here. you don't need to strictly carpe diem, you can carpe omnia. very fun.
void state: god state/creator state/the true nature of your being, only that you have the remote control over your surroundings. a lot like lfnd.
short notes about the other concepts in the charts:
l.o.assumption: what we groove with, in this sphere. anything you assume to be true, is true. "it's real for me!" true. "it's not real for me!" true. there are no rules but the ones you make. "but i didn't even know X was right/existed/i assumed it was false all along so how did i assume it into being?" 'being' is the default state of... well, stuff. everything. things do this cool thing called emerge. assumptions do, too. sometimes you learn things from the "outside" — but the specifics of the answer to this question depend on how you think about the presence of other minds. solipsism isn't mandatory here. separation is allowed to cleave you. you can revise your past. you can change your present and future. loa is the cheatcode-cum-swiss-army knife of experience. a type of the cosmic control panel. "does this mean i manifested my trauma?" — this, no. before you stepped into the cockpit it was on autopilot. not your fault. "but a bad thing happened to me although i was assuming it otherwise!" first, i'm sorry that it happened. second, it's not your fault. third, this is where you take a call: revise the past? see if another concept aligns with you better? either way, take a break, and be gentle with yourself. loa won't go anywhere. you'll be always be in control if/when you decide to think from this framework again.
l.o.attraction: loa except you assume you attract things. delivery sponsored by your actions, fulfilled by a higher power. you can "match vibes" or "tune into" or anything you like towards a desire/want, and god/the universe will provide it. is it more fun/tiring/blah? depends on your assumptions about the matter.
states: loa but sometimes thought of as "manifesting your dominant state" (of being/the state you identify with). it's probably simpler to practice when you're a beginner — manifested money and appearance changes with this several times. also great for selecting your dreams.
affirm + persist: loa again but you're assuming the need to affirm and persist in those affirmations. i don't think you need to do either. i don't like affirming so i never stuck to this but many swear by it. if you like taking action (affirming) as proof of your manifestation "coming", have a blast :D
multiple realities/changing your awareness: the "ground truth" here is that you're just tuning into a version of reality that already exists. and there are infinite realities. for a good sense of what infinite means — a reality where you blinked a 1/10000000000000000000000000000000th of a second too late or too early and everything else is the same is a separate pre-existing reality. there really are no limits to infinity. and these realities are porous enough to let you pass through without knowing it. i think it links to lfnd because of "awareness" being used as the perceiver. but loa because of the assumption of multiple realities. like i said, loa is hard to disprove.
[3] on sci-backed spirituality: we're conditioned to think of science as this robust, absolute and truthful set of ideas, which is why there is often a conflict between trying to experience something for itself and seeing if "science can verify this". (zen warns against this.) before i say anything else, science is important. especially when it can prevent people from making dumb decisions or death. but science is, by design, always incomplete. always a work in progress. never a holy book with static truths/beliefs taken to be fact. remember when leeches were used to treat diseases? remember when "In 2010, a Science paper suggested a microbe could use arsenic instead of phosphorus in its DNA"? however!! if learning about the reticular activation system or quantum superposition or wave-particle duality of matter helps you feel more confident, then dive as deep as u want! from a nerd, with love. just remember to not restrict yourself to words most often approved by old men. and do not disregard the un-science-backed epiphanies of your own life.
why manifesting = shifting imo: because they both change an aspect of your perceived reality. the difference is that we usually expect a "continuity" of events when we manifest versus a sudden upheaval when we shift. i see no other difference than that expectation. if the temporary/permanent nature stands out to you, consider it like this: manifestation is permanently shifting to a reality where you have your desire, and shifting is a temporary manifestation. again, you don't have to agree to anything i just said.
closing thoughts
this is rather cursory. an overview. my intro/summary. yours will likely differ. see a concept you like? i recommend dedicated research. pick what you like, discard the rest.
also look into wu wei. maybe. didn't include here because i can't explain it well.
the above was drafted rapidly, so there might be edits or future versions.
always consult yourself first. being your own authority in your notes app/pen and paper will help you more than any external source will.
it's okay if you find out none of this (not just what i described) fits you. pull away with grace.
So i made a timeline of hc designs for Levi from when he was an angel all the way to Till death do us part
More in depth abt my thought process (longish rant):
This is just like,,, my hcs based on my understanding of Levi's character
I've had the headcanon that he was more in shape when he was an angel, then after the fall he canonly shut himself off in his room for a rlly long time so he had a period of rlly just,, not taking care of himself in general.(They lost both their sister, their home + a huge part of themselves in the war) (and theres also the canon thing abt him feeling useless since there isn't a battle for him to fight anymore)
Finding his interests later on rlly helped but he still couldn't quite pull himself out of it 100%, and he felt rlly gross abt, basically everything abt himself for the longest time. even if it wasn't just for the fact that he was a demon anymore,, (yk how he is in the main story)
(This is the point i draw him at in most of my art currently, but theres like, two different designs i should distinguish here)
The main difference on him before swd to after its that he's actually, coming out of his room more often + eating proper meals instead of whatever hes got stashed in his room.
There isn't a more detailed thought process abt this i just get happy thinking of him doing better and eating well....
Now abt nightbringer, yk how they kept the progress of technology at the same level as in the present? Yea well i don't fw that. I want them to experience the evolution of tech and art and media.
What if levi started getting fascinated with mythology and theater first, then literature, then film and animation and he loved every step of the evolution up to this point?
What if the love for humanity that Lilith sparked in him manifested in his love of fiction and art?
What if he read to/lend books to Satan even at the start when Satatn was having an awful time adjusting and that's what started Satan's love for books too and that's why he canonly looks up to/relies most on Levi?
Anyways, i miss my wife. Ill go draw him more. Ty for reading so far i don't post things like this usually but Levi's my favourite character of all time. 🙏
I think I've finally been convinced to release some of my own forehead tattoos/face paint 🥲🥲 I've gotten a lot of questions about them, and I think it'd be fun for some people to have more variety.
Here are some of them I have that many people have probably already seen at this point (lol). These probably will get reworked and actually be made to look nicer, since they were practically only made for me 😭
I mainly focus on the forehead since it's the easiest part for me to work with on the sims 4 base, so most of the face paint I may release will primarily be focused on the forehead.
These are the styles I mainly will be going for, lots of spirals, moons, suns, dots and more. ~ ♡
i want my alterhumanity to be silly SO badly but it genuinely tears me up inside. and i feel scared to post anything even remotely serious on this account because so many eyes are on me at all times. what if i post something and word it wrong? i don't want to be apart of the problem of "posting absolutely nothing and getting attention for it" but i also don't want to be watched so intently. i don't know. i feel like a shell and this account was supposed to help with that, but now it feels like i'm more of a husk than ever before, scrambling to post "woof woof woof woof woof woof" hoping for a translation from someone smarter, screaming "god help me please help me" all for nothing at all.
the trees, all of you, have thousands of eyes all for me and i don't know how to handle that right now, or ever really. i never expected this account to get so massive, and i don't want to sound ungrateful (i AM grateful!!!); this is hard for me and i want to post more personal, less relatable posts that are not as easy to digest. am i allowed to do that? can i talk about biting my own tail for a second? can i post the dreams i have of finally suffocating and emerging from myself into something beautiful, something wolf-ish? can i post about how i don't actually KNOW how i came to terms with being not a human, or will i be seen as a fraud?
i'm sorry in advance for all the trouble i have caused.
ok one more complaint to end the night But it also sucks how that in one fluke episode where john comes back and is all “i always hoped you’d have a family” or whatever and deans like well I do actually. the aforementioned angel of the lord and spawn of satan down the hall are my family, it’s like. john meant a normal apple-pie white picket fence suburban hellscape life. literally the remaining visages of the hetero-nuclear family. and dean is like “no actually, I’m very content with my weird untraditional crudely-sewn-together family because I myself am weird and untraditional and crudely sewn together.” and then every au now is like what if he had a normal traditional homo-nuclear family where 9/10 times the angel of heaven is replaced with an identical normal version of himself without any autistic charm and the spawn of Satan isn’t even the spawn of Satan anymore, nor does HE get any of his autistic charm.
feels like every time a piece of media with a big fandom says here’s found family and the overall theme that your identity and family are matters of personal choice instead of biological determination and over again those fandoms said what if we unfounded that family and sprinkle in new blood relation headcanons while we’re at it. i LOVE found family but I would NEVER EVER engage with them unless they were changed to follow a structural family dynamic and have the depth of a teaspoon. in the same way early queer ships were constantly being repackaged into masc/fem dynamics because of heteronormativity and all that. surely this doesn’t indicate anything about our society and people are just playing dolls in a vacuum tho
