The quarrel scene in Julius Caesar is legitimately one of the funniest things Shakespeare ever wrote, to me. It's so hilariously petty and "are not" / "am too" in tone, especially with Cassius arguing terminology.
CASSIUS: I am a soldier, I; older in practice, abler than yourself to make conditions.
BRUTUS: Go to, you are not, Cassius.
CASSIUS: I am.
BRUTUS: I say you are not.
And then later:
BRUTUS: You say you are a better soldier[...]
CASSIUS: You wrong me every way! You wrong me, Brutus! I said an ELDER soldier, never a better! Did I SAY "better"?
And also:
BRUTUS: I did send to you for gold to pay my legions, which you denied me[...]
CASSIUS: I denied you not.
BRUTUS: You did.
CASSIUS: I did not!
The whole mood of the scene is then Cassius being like "If you REALLY loved me you wouldn't CARE that I'm corrupt and dishonest! So you hate me now huh? You want to kill me? Go on! Kill me then! Why don't you just do it, I fucking dare you, kill me, life's pointless if you don't love me anyway, since I'm such a fucking WORM, just STAB ME like you STABBED CAESAR and you'll probably ENJOY IT MORE..."
And Brutus is just like "Mate... this is a bit much, yeah? Cool it? My wife literally just died."
"...what the fuck oh my god I'm so sorry what the fuck I went too far I went too f- wait so does this mean you're single now, orrrrr..?"
