I had a feeling you were there but was still shocked to see that second faint line. But then, almost immediately, I knew something was wrong. The next few weeks I spent convincing myself that everything I was feeling was normal. Until pain and dizziness sent me to the ER. Still telling myself everything was fine and I was just being paranoid, I got comfortable on my bed. Hours later, blood drawn and ultrasound taken, I was told you weren't where you were suppose to be. Attached inside my fallopian tube you could not thrive. Everything happened so fast, it's like I had no say in what came next. I was given a shot and some pain pills to take home. The next few days were a blur. As soon as I was released, I took one of those pills because I knew I did not want to feel what came next. I kept myself medicated to avoid the physical pain, the emotional pain was enough. I didn't want to feel you die. You were only there for a short few weeks, but I had to end your life, before you took mine. That's the worst part, knowing that I had felt your life begin and was the cause of its end. I never got to hear your heartbeat or feel your feet kick. We will never get to meet you or hold you in our arms but you will forever be our favorite "What if" and will always be loved.
