R

her /22/Gemini So basically welcome to my journal

[rasisamess]

Fam, i need help. It is often said that you wait for an opportunity that your higher self wants and don’t settle for less, but then another very practical woman or man said that don’t miss out on opportunities.

So my question is, if presented an opportunity not in line with your higher self, but you are in need of an opportunity. What do you do? How do you all decide and what do you think to come to that conclusion? Been facing too many of these situations lately and i freeze out of indecisiveness

[academi-aesthetics]

Anyone willing to talk/vent/yap, please hit me up. I'm so bored with life. If you can understand 💀

[rasisamess]

What no one tells you about moving away from your country and your family and family like people is the utter fear that eventually, they will get over it, of you not being physically present, they will stop missing you while making plans. They will begin to have inside jokes you will have no idea of, plans you are not aware of, conversations you would no longer be a part of. That they will miss you for some time, but then they will make peace with you not being there, and stop missing and needing or wanting you, and that will kill you. Because you miss them more and value them more, and it kind of declines for them. And it is something you need to accept and peace with it, that they move on, because you left.

[rasisamess]

Seeing everyone around me madly in love, with someone they want to spend their lives with causes a sort of physical discomfort these days. Because it hits me that however much i deny it, I crave for it much more than that, fully aware that currently, it’s not on the cards. And it kind of gets lonely and impatient on some days. And I feel like lashing out, ranting, throwing a tantrum, but u know it’s not going to do any good. So what do u do? How do i get rid of this ache for something I don’t quite have?

[rasisamess]

Seeing this scene physically hurt. This man here has grown so much and the regret of being too late is eating at him. When I tell you i felt my throat dry up and a sighed a little too hard seeing this. Because somewhere, all of us have seen someone we loved slip through our fingers, made a lapse of judgement because we were too scared of being vulnerable, questioning the WHAT IFs and realising how bad we fucked up. It is not the loud anger that hurts, but being near enough to reach out, and being farther than ever from them and realising how negligible space you hold in their lives. That pain, that subtle taste of blood after you bit your tongue, not because what you were saying was wrong, but it hurt so much because of the power those words held, the emotional turmoil behind those four words “What have I done?” made almost all of us feel the way we do about Conrad, the way we are rooting for this guy, waiting to hear his POV.

01-08-25

2:30 am

[rasisamess]

Relate to piku more and more as an eldest daughter with each passing day.

[rasisamess]

I feel okay, but then I am suddenly on the roof with the 1 blasting in my headphones thinking if that one situationship would have worked out and get overwhelmed by a sudden wave of sadness and yearning.

[deadlypoetacademia]

First i overshare, then i overthink. Then, i overshare what I was overthinking, then again I overthink why I overshared what I overthought.

[rasisamess]

I was out with my parents, and while waiting for the elevator, just in front of us were a couple and their daughter, not older than 5. My parents were continuously bickering and I was being a sarcastic middleman trying to make them quiet without creating a scene. The woman ahead of us smiled and grinned wide, she saw her future. That moment of ours made her excited for a moment of hers she'd have to wait for atleast a decade to experience. But that smile meant that however difficult she was finding it all right now, it will be so worth it for her, because seeing our family like that felt like a perfect moment to her, something she would be willing to wait for. Honestly, it felt like one of those moments out of a movie, where a 10 second scene is the most beautiful part of it. This was that 10 second scene.

20th April, 2025

[rasisamess]

I stare at the books I read, at all the art I make, at the dating apps I regularly install and uninstall, as a realisation draws upon me, rather tragic, that it is all just a cry for help, to escape the loneliness of not having found love, the soul crushing bond that ties you to someone forever. I realise that I have not cried, because I no longer find anything worth shedding tears, I realise that as much as my love for family is infinite, living with them suffocates me.

What would a person call this dilemma of sorts, the chaos that tangles your mind in unimaginable shapes and forms.

[coffeeacademia]

Lyndsay Rush, Short Distance Friendship

[rasisamess]

Night after night

I look close in search of a break in the wall

Relive you everytime

So I mend the little scar i let slide

No one enter, no one leave

Walls so high, sit in and grieve

and you try to find light but

Without a crack in those bricks its just...

[rasisamess]

Sadly, I am my father's stern daughter, with parts of inherent rage, a legacy, parts by my mother, and parts by the feminine cult, risen beyond comprehension.

[mysterieuxclairdelune]

I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.

-Sylvia Plath

[starlightacademia]

“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

[rasisamess]

It has happened and the fall is endless and there is nothing to grip on apart from those tiny little moments that give you the last of joy. 

[rasisamess]

Why do you text me first if you don't have any intention of kissing me

[rasisamess]

Why do I only have to go through so much shit in life!? *proceeds to sleep for 12 hours straight and procrastinate every fucking thing until its too late*