Haruka's Space!

He/him I write and I draw. Art requests are open always. Drrr!!

[ratinformant]

Hi I’m a person hru

I mostly post shitposts nowadays and repost stuff but I will sometimes pop out some art

I like jjba, drrr!, dmmd, sota and a lot more

I am outrageous multifandom and multishipper within reason

Umm umm I love horror movies and shows

I read sometimes if it interests me enough

Anyways hi welcome

I totally don’t run an izaya ask blog on the side

[slavhew]

misc

[kazzdurarara]

Imagine Shinzaya being that ship where the more dishonest(yet loyal) one wouldn't be Izaya himself, but rather Shinra. Think about it, Shinra hid the truth about Celty's head from her for years. He lied to her so she wouldn't leave him. Actions that were driven by a fear of abandonment.

With Shinra and Izaya their weird relationship has always been straight forward, and Shinra's never had to mask the kind of person he is around Izaya because the only person whose approval to him ever really mattered to him was Celty's.

However, if you turn that devotion onto Izaya, it flips their dynamic entirely and raises a lot of interesting questions about how Shinra developing feelings for Izaya would impact both of them.

Because Izaya isn't like Celty, he's colder and much more volatile. He's is the type of person who pushes people away when they become too close because he's afraid of vulnerability and letting somebody in with the risk that they will betray or, more specifically, abandon him. (They both have abandonment issues in my book, issues which manifest in very different ways.)

In canon, as tragic as it may be, the only reason Izaya allowed himself to get as close to Shinra as he did is because, speaking objectively, Shinra is closed off from the rest of the world, and, in a sense, emotionally unavailable to him. As we saw from the hospital scene and back when it was revealed why Shinra threw himself in front of a knife for Izaya. The whole reason Shinra asked to start a club with him even was because Celty had told him he needed to make friends and wanted him to socialize.

The constant theme in their relationship is that Shinra is the one person Izaya can't get a reaction out of or manipulate.

Meanwhile, Shinra can practically read Izaya like a book. He knows Izaya better than anybody, and, hell, he's probably the only person who could truly hurt Izaya if he wanted to.

With anybody else, Izaya always finds a weakness and exploits it. But Shinra? He can't do that with Shinra.

So this begs the question:

If Shinra fell in love with Izaya, would it make Shinra more vulnerable to being manipulated by Izaya? Would it make him care more what Izaya thinks of him?

I think yes... but no at the same time.

Even in ShinCel, Shinra doesn't let things affect him the way most people would.

It is gathered that he carried on a certain appearance in front of the person he loved. He gladly joked about being happy to be a puppet for her and he also has no qualms becoming a villain if he needs to.

This is why I consider Shinra a true neutral because he doesn't have a moral stance one way or another.

Say, if Celty told him to murder somebody, he would without a second thought. But Celty is a good person, so naturally she influences him to be good.

But what about Izaya? THAT'S a much more complicated matter.

Because as we all know, Izaya is by no means a saint. He laughs at chaos, he orchestrates gang wars, and he encourages people to do both bad things and good things alike, he helps both cops and Yakuza. And if there's a weakness he WILL exploit it and fuck with people's feelings.

And yet, when it comes down to it, the novels explicitly state that Izaya isn't the type of person who would kill somebody without batting an eye. He cherishes the one genuine connection that he has. Shinzaya izaya ironically choosing not to use shinra even if shinra said he were okay with it would be a testament that Shinra IS in fact the exception

The interesting thing is that Izaya appears like a typical villain on the surface, one who doesn't care about anybody. But when you place him beside Shinra and actually analyze Shinra's character you'll know that a lot of Izaya's behaviors in comparison are purely performative.

Shinra has capacity to become a true villain, because unlike, Izaya, Shinra has no issue getting his hands dirty if he finds a reason to.

Izaya, on some level, recognizes that. He himself even joked about the idea of Shinra becoming a psychotic serial killer.

And yet the truth is I don't even think that Izaya himself knows what all Shinra is capable of, or the extent to which Shinra will go for the person he loves.

Now, in terms of Shinra's feelings...

When Shinra truly loves somebody, it's intense, the person completely consumes his very existence. So if you give Shinra feelings for Izaya and it's not unrequited, their relationship has the potential to become extremely codependent from both ends, maybe even slightly toxic at times.

Because, just like Shinra, Izaya doesn't love people in a normal way either. It was canonly theorized that he his love would be very dangerous. And yet compared to Shinra, it's much more normal, which says a LOT.

In terms of Shinra's love for Izaya itself, the intensity of it probably does not change.

Except here's the thing.

Before, Shinra was honest with Izaya about his nature. He had no reason to lie to Izaya about anything because, back then, his feelings were for Celty, but now they're for Izaya.

So when Shinra first realizes his feelings, there's no world in which Shinra would just casually admit this. Ever.

He could with Celty because Celty was Celty and they had an established relationship.

But Izaya?

Izaya would immediately push Shinra away and put up a wall between them, not even because he hates Shinra, but because vulnerability terrifies him.

So for their relationship to remain stable, Shinra decides that letting Izaya believe what he wants is the only logical course of action to him.

In fact, he will probably even humor Izaya's conclusions, just because it's safer to Izaya that way(no, it's actually just safer to Shinra because it means he has an excuse to stay.).

As a doctor, however, Shinra finds any excuse under the sun to treat Izaya's injuries, or, more specifically, to just be around Izaya.

But here's where it gets a bit dark.

Shinra's lies do not just extend to hiding his feelings for Izaya.

They also extend to everything else.

This means he becomes secretive, in a way he's probably never had to before, not even with Celty(and, let me tell you, hiding the information about her head from her was HUGE).

Beneath this doctor persona, there may be a genuine, albeit slightly selfish, desire to be the only one to treat Izaya's injuries also, to the point it extends into obsession. even take Izaya to a hospital and Shinra will probably become restless because he's insistent they're not doing their job correctly.

Because when you look at the bigger picture, Celty is immortal, a supernatural being who can be stabbed by somebody and heal from it immediately(not counting the matter with her head)

So, over all, Shinra never had to worry about her dying.

Izaya on the other hand is just a human, he can bleed and die like anybody else. And it's not just that, but his line of work is dangerous.

Izaya doesn't just patch people up like Shinra or deliver items to people like Celty. No, he actively uses people's dirtiest secrets against them and spreads it around like wild fire.

There are probably plenty of Yakuza that despise him.

Shinra knows this, he knows that he has enemies. In the past, he had no interest in keeping up with the people Izaya was in contact with or who he pissed off, but now, knowing these things would become his top priority, knowing both his enemies and allies alike.

He would pay close attention to everything, and he might even end up going through his files when he's not around, going through his computer and his emails. Namie, of course, wouldn't care, she would let Shinra do these things.

Izaya, on the other, has no clue about it. In fact, he may be too confident to think he already has Shinra figured out and that there's nothing to worry about.

All the while, when Shinra's not stitching up patients, he's actively going behind Izaya's back and doing things on his own.

This goes beyond just reading his files too, and could also eventually delve into a form of "damage control" and taking matters into his own hands behind the scenes, which can be both a good and bad thing depending on each situation. It could even extend to murder if he felt it was necessary.

Izaya of course, is not an idiot, he would catch on eventually.

And depending on the scenario of which Izaya makes the discovery, there's a chance Izaya could lash out for once, especially if he was concerned about it putting Shinra's life in jeopardy.

Shinra is the one person he cares about, the one exception to the way he messes with people. We as the readers know Izaya, despite everything, he would never forgive himself if Shinra got hurt because of him. We saw how he reacted when Shinra got stabbed by Nakura. That event messed him up for life.

While there is always the chance Izaya might use Shinra in a situation out of curiosity, watch how far Shinra would go for him, my instinct says he would do the opposite, telling him he didn't ask him to do any of that and for him to stay out of it out of a surprisingly genuine desire to protect him.

Shinra on the other hand might begin to reason to himself that Izaya's love for humanity, and by extension his job as well, is an obstacle for him. It's an obstacle to what he wants with Izaya and

Doing "damage control" and going behind his back to act on his own, is likely something he's rationalized as another way of connecting to him.

Granted, if Shinra had his way, Izaya would probably never look at another human again and he would only focus on Shinra. But we know that's not going to happen because he's Izaya.

So Shinra takes what he can get. Actually, Izaya freaking out over Shinra's involvement would probably validate that desire since Izaya rarely ever gets angry. Shinra knows he's special to Izaya even if Izaya himself won't admit it.

I do think that if Shinra's feelings are mutual and Izaya does in fact love Shinra back, it would take a LOT for Izaya to ever confess that.

All the time that Shinra was focused on Celty, Izaya was envious of their relationship, just like he was jealous of Shinra's friendship with Shizuo. He got hurt when Shinra hung up on him in the hospital and brought it back up three separate times.

Down deep Izaya WANTS to be special to Shinra.

But if Shinra actually turned that focus onto Izaya, Izaya would run away and maybe even ghost him because he's afraid of true connection. Because being truly loved and accepted for who he is isn't something Izaya is used to.

Even then, Shinra would still find ways to insert himself into Izaya's life.

The fact is Shinra recognizes Izaya's fear, maybe even more than Izaya himself does.

He knows that, for once, Izaya isn't just saying harsh things to be cruel but because he refuses to be vulnerable with somebody and risk his fragile heart being broken.

It would actually take something extreme for Izaya to even remotely admit to himself that he's in love with Shinra.

Something like an incident where Shinra gets hurt, where his life is weaponized against Izaya.

You might have an arc similar to what we saw with Masaomi and Saki and how much time Masaomi spent avoiding her after she was injured.

Izaya's speech about how "your past becomes your god" makes me often think he was actually subconsciously referring to Shinra in reference to Nakura stabbing Shinra.

It would be like that but ten times worse. Izaya visiting Shinra the same way Masaomi visited Saki, while simultaneously burying himself further into his work than ever before, using his obsession with humanity as a scapegoat to avoid the one human that truly matters to him.

Talking about humanity in front of Shinra even just to spite him, as if he's trying to make a point that Shinra means nothing to him.

But the worst thing is Shinra doesn't even mind it because at the end of the day, he knows that Izaya will come back to him eventually.

He always does.

[rollthedlce]

An interesting facet of the Izaya and Shinra dynamic is how it flips their characterizations on their heads. 

Shinra’s most defining trait is his love and yearning for Celty. Although he saw the fruits of his labor relatively early in the series when Celty finally reciprocated his feelings, he had been pining for her for twenty years. Even after they get together, that isn’t enough for him. Shinra fears Celty will leave him and takes drastic measures to prevent that from happening. 

Izaya, on the other hand, really couldn’t care less what most others think about him. He views most other people like lab rats in a maze; they can yield interesting results, but ultimately, he doesn’t get attached. It doesn’t matter if people love him or hate him, it’s all the same. Despite Izaya’s apathy to what others think of him, he can still read them very well. One of his defining character traits is observing others and as a result, he understands them quite well.

Shinra’s overly attached, whereas Izaya’s hardly attached at all. Then, you have their relationship with one another, where it’s the reverse. Izaya is the one yearning for more, whereas Shinra is relatively unaffected. Even from the get-go, Shinra was using Izaya to impress Celty. That’s not to say that Izaya was naive, he was fully aware of what he was getting into and had his own motives for joining the biology club. The more time he spends with Shinra, the more mystified he is. Izaya, who has spent his life observing others, cannot figure Shinra out. Even after finding out the object of his affection, Izaya continues to be perplexed by Shinra, repeatedly stating that he cannot read him. On the other hand, Shinra can easily read Izaya, whose motives are typically shrouded in mystery, like a book.

Following the stabbing incident, Izaya declares that he will make Nakura regret it for the rest of his life. Although his motives aren’t entirely clear, taking revenge on somebody for hurting a person you care about is quite the Shinra move. Interestingly, it isn’t the only time this happens either. After Adabashi attacks Shinra, Izaya has Mikage and Izumii break his legs before locking him up. 

Additionally, Izaya is bothered when Shinra neglects him. After Shinra hangs up on him when he is in the hospital, he brings it up not one, not two, but three times. He complains to Celty that Shinra does not prioritize him. In various side stories, Izaya outright states that he wants Shinra to pick him over Shizuo. It’s obvious that Izaya cares about Shinra, but beyond that, it’s clear he feels overlooked. Although he’s far more subtle and resigned about it than Shinra is about Celty, Izaya wants to be chosen. This is atypical for a character whose entire worldview is based on being an impartial observer. 

Shinra’s focus has always been centered on Celty and Celty alone. However, yearning is at the core of his personality. With Izaya, he can be quite callous. This isn’t to say he doesn’t care about Izaya at all, it is clear he does if he kept him around this long. Izaya isn’t exactly a great friend himself, and the fact that the two of them have sustained a relationship for over a decade implies some level of attachment from Shinra. Additionally, Shinra even defends Izaya to Celty on several occasions, which carries some weight. Shinra cares for Izaya, but he will always put Celty first. 

Izaya is the one who is more attached, yearning for a deeper relationship. Shinra is the one with the upper hand, capable of being impassive about their relationship. In these ways, their core traits are swapped. That being said, it’s important to note that this isn’t exactly unusual for Shinra. While his attachment to Celty is a core trait of his, he truly is detached from most other people. Celty is the exception, or rather, the reason for his detachment. The reason he is detached is because he is so focused on Celty. For Izaya, though, Shinra is the exception. Izaya’s detachment is a core trait of his, and rather than a person being the reason for his detachment, it’s the opposite. Shinra breaks Izaya’s detachment, while ironically, being detached himself. 

[thermodynamiclawyer]

hi

[tanakou54]

Thank you for the coupon.

( ・◇・)？

You must be from the store! You're welcome. I hope you enjoyed the buy one, get one free discount on coconut water!

[kazzdurarara]

A GAME OMG IM SO EXCITED

Is it gonna have shinzaya or shizaya? I gotta know!!! It looks so amazing already ~!

I haven't entirely decided on a ship yet, but given my weakness for Shinzaya, I'll probably find a way to include it somehow or another! Honestly, I think exploring the dynamic between Izaya and Shinra or Izaya + Shizuo could be a lot of fun!

[ratinformant]

Love this 🥺

[kanra-answers]

Do you ever feel jealous? Not of anyone in particular, because I know you hate being specific.

Have you ever been in love? I think that question is better. In love while knowing the other person wouldn't even give you a glance? Maybe they're in love with someone else. Has it ever hurt just thinking about them?

Jealousy is such a simple emotion on the surface. Petty, territorial, childish. Humans puff up like little animals guarding scraps of affection, convinced the world revolves around who gets whose attention. It’s honestly adorable.

Now, you asked if I ever feel jealous. Me, of all people? The man who loves humanity so broadly, so generously, that picking favorites would almost feel unfair!

But loving humanity and loving a person are two very different things.

Humanity is easy to adore. It is chaotic, unpredictable, endlessly entertaining! A perfect subject for observation. People lie, fight, betray each other, devote themselves to impossible dreams. Every contradiction wrapped neatly inside fragile little bodies.

But occasionally, among the thousands of specimens, there appears one particularly irritating anomaly. Someone who refuses to behave like the rest.

Someone who looks at the world with this absurd, unwavering sincerity, as if all the ugliness and cruelty around him simply does not register. Someone who believes in things so stubbornly that even the most cynical observer finds themselves lingering nearby just to see how long that optimism can survive.

Of course, people like that are rarely alone. They tend to orbit someone. Or perhaps the opposite. Their world revolves around a single point, one person they have already chosen with complete certainty.

Which makes things… inconvenient.

Because when you are used to observing the world from a comfortable distance, it is irritating to notice your attention drifting back to the same person over and over again. To find yourself watching the way they laugh. The way they ramble. The way they look at someone else with such unguarded devotion that it becomes almost painful to witness.

Not painful in a dramatic sense, of course. I am not the sort to sigh wistfully under the moonlight or write pathetic poetry.

But there is a certain tightness.

A strange awareness that no matter how close you stand, no matter how long you have been there, you are not the center of that person’s world. You never will be.

And the most amusing part? You don’t even resent them for it.

You might tease them. Provoke them. Pull their strings just to see that flustered expression they make when they realize you are watching again. It’s fun, a harmless little pastime.

But beneath all that amusement lies a quiet, ridiculous truth.

If they ever did turn their attention toward you, really look at you the way they look at her, the entire game might stop being fun.

Which is why it’s better this way. Jealousy is such a messy emotion, after all.

And love… well.

Love is far more interesting when it remains just out of reach.

[ratinformant]

I love how this started a chain reaction of unrequited love stuff

It’s so interesting to read and lwk one of my favorite dynamics (even if it is hella sad)

Izaya yearning for someone he won’t name…. Izaya’s admirers yearning for him…. It’s really fun reading these asks/posts

[emoboyhater]

Daily Izaya #4

[ratinformant]

Art for a myth!!

Here’s an extra oneeee

And the silly myth himself ^

Fowleri is my favorite ever I love him

[ratinformant]

Happy Valentine’s Day

https://archiveofourown.org/works/79486816

A totally normal and happy Shinzaya Valentine’s Day fanfiction!

Jokes aside I really want to write Shinzaya so it’s time to get the most painful parts out of the way… After this it’s gonna be much nicer I promise!!

[drrr-shit]

[kazzdurarara]

Never experimenting again

[ratinformant]

Hi! I'm just curious as to what program you write your fanfic into before posting onto AO3? I have been writing things directly into tumblr, and it's a little frustrating because I keep accidentally publishing stuff when it isn't done, and it's embarrassing DX.

I just use Google Docs!

I used to post on Wattpad and save my drafts there, but it’s just a lot easier to use any kind of document app.

[rankh]

happy birthday shizuo!! + a lil doodle cause i was bored

[ratinformant]

Happy birthday Shizuo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alternatively

[ratinformant]

Its heeereeeeeee

https://archiveofourown.org/works/78463176/chapters/205700781