Ravenclaw and friends

Hogwarts house stuff based on life

[ravenclawandfriends]

Slytherin: I need to unwind and relax.

Hufflepuff: Oh! Well, what would you like to do?

Slytherin: Watch a murder documentary.

[ravenclawandfriends]

Slytherin: Hello? Yes, I'd like to report a murder. My expectations of life fucking killed me.

[ravenclawandfriends]

Interviewer: Can you tell me a little bit of your hobbies?

Ravenclaw: I like to sit on the sofa in my comfy pajamas and with a cup of coffee and some cookies and research the hell out of completely unnecessary things only to rant about them later

Interviewer:

Ravenclaw: Let me rephrase that

[ravenclawandfriends]

Slytherin: It's 3.21pm and I lay in bed thinking that I didn't sign up for this shit that is life and also if I should have breakfast

Ravenclaw: Yeah same

Hufflepuff: *worried* Are you guys okay?

[ravenclawandfriends]

Gryffindor: and Ravenclaw is the smart one

Ravenclaw: *walks into a wall while thinking*

Gryffindor: you know what I take that back

[ravenclawandfriends]

Gryffindor: Wow my flat is a mess

Slytherin: And so is your life

Gryffindor: Hey what the fuck

[ravenclawandfriends]

Hufflepuff: What has that passive-aggressive "I'll show you" attitude towards the entire world ever given to you?

Slytherin: a PhD.

[ravenclawandfriends]

Ravenclaw: Unicorns are called unicorns and not unihorns because the of Latin origin of the word. "Unicornis" means having one horn, and it further developed into an old French word “unicorne”, which again developed into the English word unicorn.

Slytherin: No one really asked but thanks for this unimportant piece of information, I guess.

[ravenclawandfriends]

Hufflepuff: Alright, I've given everyone a list of burnout symptoms so you can check if --

Slytherin: Bingo! What did I win?

Hufflepuff: *horrified screaming*

[ravenclawandfriends]

Slytherin: What keeps me going is to know that other people want me to fail and I want to make them having to live with the fact that I succeeded in a way they didn't.

Hufflepuff: That's a horrible way to think! Ravenclaw, say something!

Ravenclaw, reopening the books: That's oddly motivating. Thanks, Slytherin!

[ravenclawandfriends]

Slytherin, having a meltdown: I'm done and I'm not going to do anything anymore. That's it. I'm giving up on everything because I'm a total failure in everything.

Slytherin, five minutes later: You know what, I don't want to be a failure. I'm not gonna be a fucking failure, I'm gonna succeed like no one has ever before.

[ravenclawandfriends]

Slytherin: You know when I was 18 and drank cheap wine when I felt bad. Well, I'm glad to tell that now that I'm older, I've evolved from that.

Hufflepuff: That's so great to hear! Healthy coping mechanism --

Slytherin: Yes, I have evolved into drinking £35 per bottle wine at a restaurant when I feel bad.

[ravenclawandfriends]

Slytherin: *falls dramatically on the sofa* Too much human interaction. I'm done, can't take it anymore.

Hufflepuff: But... You didn't even leave the house?

Slytherin: I opened social media.

[ravenclawandfriends]

Gryffindor: I don't mean to pry but what's this?

Ravenclaw: It's my essay for the class.

Gryffindor: Right. And what's this other pile of paper next to it?

Ravenclaw: It's a second essay. I'm easily inspired, okay?

[ravenclawandfriends]

Ravenclaw: *enters the room, looking absolutely horrible*

Hufflepuff: Oh dear, you don't look very good today, Ravenclaw. Is everything okay?

Ravenclaw: Yes, I'm just following my new study practice called 'study 'til you drop' so I've been up and studying for 42 hours.

Hufflepuff: *horrified*

Slytherin: *leans in with interest, pouring coffee in Ravenclaw's cup* Exactly how much more effective you said you are?

[ravenclawandfriends]

Hufflepuff: You need to cut out the people who are always asking you to do more and better. You don't need that kind of people in your life.

Slytherin: And what would you recommend for me to do if the said person is myself?

[ravenclawandfriends]

Ravenclaw: *starts working on an essay*

Ravenclaw: *gets sidetracked with something that came up during the research for the essay*

Ravenclaw: *ends up researching the topic that got them sidetracked and completely forgets the original essay*