Viet-My Bui

[ravenskar]

Resurfacing

Hello, friends. It’s been a while, huh? For those who have been following me, I thank you for your never-ending support. For those who are new – welcome! And thanks for tuning in.

Let’s do a recap.

2014 – 2016

I went back to university. I took up the Bachelor of Communication Design at Monash University and had the best three years of my life. I grew immensely as both a creative and as a person. I made so many wonderful connections, friends and mentors, all of whom shaped me into a better person.

I moved out. I was learning to live an independent life, and in turn, learned a lot about myself.

I began to cull a lot of excess from my life – commitments, material items, emotional baggage and toxic people. I sought simplicity and reduction and appreciation of the littlest things.

In the first two years, my mental health seriously declined again. I experienced the death of one of my dearest friends. A work colleague took his own life. I went through more conflict with my family. I was in a terrible place.

I left the legal industry and took up a retail job in a department store. It was close to home, flexible, easy and perfect for my schedule.

But then, after lots of hard work and self-care, I was at a stage that I was high-functioning enough to manage it on my own. I had improved beyond measure. I stopped going to therapy.

I went to Italy for an exchange program during my studies, and it was incredible.

I got engaged. 😊

I completed my degree and realised something important: that I wasn’t ready to continue making work yet. I was obsessed with proving my parents wrong about me. And I didn’t want that to be my motivation. 

In addition, though I loved learning about design and acquiring a host of new skills, I finally realised that I didn’t identify with being a designer. All I wanted to do was to keep drawing.  

So, I needed to take a step back. I needed to recenter and refocus and think about what I wanted.

2017

My sabbatical. I realised I was mentally fatigued and wanted to take a year off to nurture myself. This was a year of self-care. I gave myself zero obligations in terms of creating art, and barely picked up a pencil all year. No expectations to make anything, to be on social media, to maintain a public image. Just zero pressure. It was a healing, fulfilling break.

I fielded some disheartening judgment from others who saw my sabbatical as a step backwards. I realised it was much more a reflection of them than it was of me. That was okay. I kept going.

I went to work, paid the bills, and spent as much time loving myself and my nearest & dearest as possible.

I went to my graduation from Monash. My second graduation. I felt really fucking proud, and so was my partner, and it was just really special. I did it.

I spent a lot of time with my sister and my new, tiny, baby niece Siena. She became the light of my life.

I continued to enrich my relationship with my fiancé.

I gave myself a lot of peace, nurturing and rest.

I continued to care for my mental health.

I became very interested in slow fashion and curating an ethical wardrobe, and wondered how to incorporate that into my art practice one day.

I quit my job at a department store, and received a job offer to work at my favourite independent art gallery. The first day job I’ve had that I really, really like.

I reconnected with old friends and forged connections with new ones. I was inspired again.

I began to feeling rumblings within and maybe, maybe I was ready to start again.

2018

Now, we’re here. I want to start again. I am ready to start again. 

I remember writing about my deep yearning to pursue art many years ago. Who knew the process would take so long? I was naive then. It wasn’t as simple as signing up for uni, or moving out, or making a declaration. There was some difficult work to be done. It was an unpredictable and challenging trek through my past, my present and my future. It was years of facing and managing my depression and anxiety, and all the elements of my life that had contributed to my mental illness. 

But I am beginning now - from what seems to be a completely blank slate. 

The last time I felt really engaged creatively was the end of 2016, with my graduation project. However, the last time I really created artwork just for myself? Well, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to do that. Not without a lot of anxiety, pressure and fear drummed into me. This is the first time in my life that I can independently make my own work, and while I am scared of failing and being not “good enough”, I am also excited to begin again. And to see where my work will take me, and what it will look like. I am eager to find my voice.

So this year, I want to make. And I want to only make for myself. While I would love to eventually get paid for my work, it is not my aim right now to seek freelance projects. It is a year of personal growth and creative experimentation for me.

It is time for me to resurface.

Now, that will mean I will try to make work. I hope to make a lot of it. And honestly, a lot of it won’t be any good. I have become very rusty and unfamiliar with making things. My technical skill has regressed. My conceptual thinking has gone for a long walk.

I am no longer the same artist who posted concept art-inspired work on DeviantART ten years ago. I don’t really know what kind of artist I am anymore. It has been almost a decade since I was actively and regularly creating artwork.

Basically, I don’t really know what the fuck I’m doing right now. And I am hugely doubtful of my abilities and where this will take me. And I am fearful of failure. 

But that’s okay.

All I know is that I’ve never stopped wanting to draw.

I figured that if I shared this process with you all, it would encourage me to keep going.

Maybe you’re starting over yourself. Or maybe you’re completely new to this. Either way, I’d love for you to join me on this journey. 

Let’s make things together – slowly, slowly.

Photography by Leah Jing.

[ravenskar]

I have the honour of being part of Fly the Colour Fantastica, a comic anthology featuring 12 Australian artists, each with their own 10-page comic. This book has been in the making for almost two years, thanks to the genius and insane work ethic of Vikki Ong and Eri Kashima.

The beautiful book has a hard cover with gold foil and includes vibrant offset printing. It was crowd-funded and independently published.

I'm excited to announce that we will finally be launching the book this Saturday, 4:30-6:30pm at The Fair Foodstore, Richmond. (Further information here.) Come celebrate with us and say hallo!

This is just a sneak peak - the chapter title page for my little comic. 

[ravenskar]

My dearest friend Sisi Dou passed away on 2 February 2015. 

She was an incredible human being. Humble, grounded, compassionate, genuine, brilliant, magnificent.

We met when we were both fifteen, starting at a new school together. I felt a connection with her straight away - she was different. And she was okay with being different.

Over the years, I got to know this amazing girl. But it wasn't until after high school that we became closer. Our paths didn't always cross due to our separate lives, but we always made time for each other, and we were always there during the most difficult times. She was a constant presence in my life for many years.

Sisi was one of the most open-minded, compassionate and curious people I've ever met. She had a quiet aura about her, but it was commanding and familiar. She was a talented singer, artist, musician. She had a wicked sense of humour and a penchant for the politically incorrect. She was never afraid to talk about uncomfortable things, and she was always open with me, and encouraged me to be open, too. She taught me so much about music, art, life. She rarely ever cared what others said or thought about her. She always drummed to her own beat.

She was always one of my biggest supporters. She always loved my art. During my years at law school, and later struggling with choosing my path, she was always there, always encouraging. She calmly told me that she knew I would be great one day.

The week before she passed away, she texted me, telling me she had read my most recent blog entry. She told me how proud she was. 

She was diagnosed with leukemia at the start of 2014. Though she went into remission, it came back with a ferocity, and the tumours spread to other parts of her body. When I found out that she was terminal, I desperately wanted to do something for her. But what? What could possibly be enough? We messaged and talked and we saw each other, and I cherished as much of our fading time as I could. But I still really wanted to draw her something. I've always communicated best through my art.

This is the most difficult and most significant piece of artwork I've ever created. Initially, the sketches were joyful. But once I started forming her face, it became painful. There she was, staring back at me. I couldn't help but think of the shitty irony that I was bringing her to life on my screen, even though she was no longer with us.

She never got to see this. It was framed and placed on an easel at her memorial service. Her family and friends were moved by the gesture, and a few spoke to me, telling me that I had captured her well. When I presented the picture to her father, he hugged me, and told me Sisi would've loved it.

This pain is so raw and the sadness so deep. The memorial service was beautiful and heartwrenching and devastating - and so final. This loss is so enormous. I see things that remind me of her all the time, now. I still see her texts on my phone. Her emails, her messages. I can't believe she's not here anymore. 

I think about how it feels so unfinished, how there wasn't enough time. I think about the cruelty and randomness of life. But I try also to remember the beauty of life - something that Sisi constantly revelled in. 

I am so privileged to have had her friendship all these years.

This is how I remember her. Full of colour, bright, effervescent, curious, with a zest for life in her eyes and a wry smile.

Vale Sisi. 

I will always miss you.

[ravenskar]

Whew. I'm rusty. This drawing turned out a little stiffer than I would like. Just means I gotta draw more :)

I wore this to a meeting with the Aacute girls. It was a ridiculously hot day and I was sweating everywhere. 

[ravenskar]

An Update: From Law School to Design School.

Many of you have asked for an update on my life since I last left you, so I thought I'd share a brief version of it.

I graduated from law school in 2012. Somehow I had scraped my way through five and a half years of something that made me so unhappy.

I applied for design school nervously. I got in, much to my surprise and elation. When I received my offer in the mail, I teared up. (Lame, right?)

However, this was met with great resistance from my parents and I was pressured to continue down the legal path. Heartbroken, I decided to defer my position in my design course for a year – not knowing when I would be able to enrol, if ever.

I began working as a paralegal. I was shocked I got the position as I felt completely underqualified and ill-equipped - I was the worst law student ever, how could I possibly hold down a legal job? And yet I did, and I did alright. I was working two law-related jobs for around two years. And I was deeply unhappy.

I was torn between pursuing my passion, or sticking with law to keep my parents happy and to keep the peace in my family. I thought about it every day. I was sick with guilt. I felt terrible knowing how much I would hurt my parents if I disobeyed them. This internal battle eventually led me to being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. 

I had a major depressive episode that lasted for a while. I was in a really dark place. During that time, I disconnected myself from all online outlets and other forms of contact. That is the reason why I went on hiatus for so long. My friends were fraught with concern - they had no idea where I was, what I was doing, how I was feeling. I received many emails from concerned fans and followers. I became a hermit. This lasted for several long months. I was racked with guilt and I despised myself. I felt like I was causing the people I loved most so much pain. I was so frustrated that it had to be this hard. Why couldn't my parents be progressive thinkers? Or why couldn't I just enjoy being a lawyer? Was I a terrible daughter? Was I ungrateful? Why did this all have to be so difficult and draining and painful? It seemed like such a simple thing.

One of the most difficult aspects of my condition at the time, was the inability to draw. I could not bring myself to create any artwork because I felt it was the source of all my (and my family's) pain. 

This scenario may seem unreal to some of you. But to others, it may be all too familiar. I was raised by very traditional, conservative and self-sacrificing parents. They gave up everything to start a life in Australia, and to give me the best possible future. Everything they did was out of love for me, even if it involved raising me under very strict rules. I never questioned them, because I was raised to believe that their word was final.

But I was reaching breaking point now. I had to make a decision and I had to make peace with it.

Finally, I decided to put myself first. I sought help from a psychologist who, over the course of a year, gave me the tools to deal with my demons.

I was so worried about my parents, and whether I’d be able to take care of them into their old age. Perhaps I should take on a well-paying corporate job to ensure their welfare? But ultimately, I knew that the only way I could take care of them was to take care of myself first. You can't save someone if you're already drowning. It was incredibly difficult and painful, and it broke my heart seeing how much suffering I was causing my parents. But at the same time, I felt a huge burden being lifted from my shoulders.

I told my parents I was going to pursue art and design, and I resolved to go ahead with it. They were not supportive at the time, and there was a lot of grief within my family. They felt I was throwing my future away. It was difficult for my parents to understand my decision, and it really came down to completely opposing views brought on by completely different generations and cultural understanding.

In 2014, I moved out, enrolled in the Bachelor of Communication Design at Monash University, and began my first year as a design student. The transition was tough at first. I was much older than my peers, working part time while taking a full time study load, and relations were still tense with my family. I left behind financial security. I felt lonely, scared, guilty, and was riddled with self-doubt.

But as the months wore on, I began to feel a sense of excitement and joy. I loved uni. I loved going to class. I loved meeting new people and seeing how their minds worked. I loved talking to my teachers. I loved working on my assignments, even when they were frustrating. I loved learning about art and design. I loved the creative community. Somehow, everything felt right. 

I began to take control of my depression and anxiety. I surrounded myself with positivity and hope - my loved ones, my design course, taking care of myself - and slowly but surely, everything became bearable. And even after that, everything became sort of wonderful.

(Plus, I managed to finish my first year with flying colours.)

Things are better with my parents, now. I know it is still a very difficult transition for them, and I don't know if they'll ever really understand. I am sure they would leap with joy if I decided to resume life as a lawyer. I try to remind them that I am still here, I am still their daughter, and that I love them dearly. I know they have only ever wanted the best for me, and I know that this is unbearable for them to watch. They are truly terrified for my future. But I can only hope that one day they can see how important this was to me and my wellbeing. And one day, I hope I can make them proud.

In the meantime, I'm going to work on myself and my future.

Thank you to the enormous support from my amazing, incredible fella, and my beautiful friends. Because of them, I was able to push through the fear. They had faith in me every step of the way. I would not be here without them.

And thank you all for your unerring support over the years. Some of you are new followers, and some have been with me since the beginning. Thank you so much for believing in me. You are my inspiration.

It took me seven years to get here... but I'm here, finally. And now I can begin all over again, at the age of 26.

I'm fucking scared, to be honest. And I doubt myself every day. But I'm also determined to push myself and see what I can achieve, and how much I can grow.

I hope you can join me on my journey.

x VM.

[ravenskar]

I'm sooo glad that you're back! Literally can't wait to see some of your new artwork! <3 But can I ask what's happening to your instagram? Did you delete your account? D: Because link to @vmbee doesn't work. D:

Thank you so much! And I’m so sorry - I changed my name on instagram and forgot to update it here. Silly me.

My instagram is now @vietmy.bui :)

[ravenskar]

Have you ever considered transitioning into using Photoshop to paint? I only ask because, as I'm sure you know since you're in design school, Photoshop (and Illustrator, etc) are the industry standard. Just curious, best of luck.

Yep. It’s been looming for a while. It has been particularly frustrating since almost all the computers at uni are Macs, and Paint Tool SAI cannot run on those. I know I have to make the transition, but I’m not looking forward to it. Photoshop just feels so damn clunky to me. Hopefully I’ll hit a sweet spot and it’ll come up Milhouse.

At the same time, it’s a bit exciting. I enjoy tackling challenges and I’ve set up a lot for myself in the near future: doing more traditional art, learning more about design fundamentals, doing digital art in Photoshop, jumping out of my creative comfort zone, etc.

I'm determined to grow as an illustrator and designer. Bring it on!

[ravenskar]

Another one for class. The brief was to interpret song lyrics. I imagined the girl to be like some sort of superhero.

[ravenskar]

Hi! I've been a huge fan of your work for a few years now! I havent drawn in years and would like to get back into it full time. I'm kinda afraid to draw now because of it but am hoping to go to school for illustration in January. Thanx!

Hello! And thank you for supporting my work! 

I know exactly how you feel. I had only drawn recreationally/as a form of procrastination for most of my life, and it was scary enrolling into a design degree that would require me to be creative 24/7. But ultimately, if it's something you love to do and you want to do it for the rest of your life, you just have to be kind to yourself as you get back on track. It's okay if you're rusty and it's difficult - and it will be. But just dedicate the time and effort, and you will be rewarded.

Also, if you're going to enroll into an Illustration course, you are going to be drawing 24/7 whether your like it or not! Haha.

Trust me, we're in the same boat here :)

[ravenskar]

Here are some illustrations I did recently for the super spectacular Aacute! They are launching a new Bakery Range for their scented candles, and I had the pleasure of drawing Freshly Baked Bread, Crème Brûlée, Mango Cheesecake and Chai Latte. 

I love working with these ladies because they're just so clever, driven and talented. Thanks for the opportunity, girls :)

[ravenskar]

Illustration brief for class. Cover for a lifestyle magazine/book (in this case, some sort of dainty fashiony thing). Fun trying out a different style!

[ravenskar]

were have you been???? we miss you :(

Fret not, Anon. I am here!

[ravenskar]

Can you give us a life update? I've been following you for years! Love your work. It seems like on your instagram that you are finally studying art, that's awesome. What exactly are you studying now?

Oh I will :) All in good time. I feel a life update needs a fat, juicy blog post that my currently scattered mind cannot produce. 

I'm just finishing up my first year of Communications Design at Monash Caulfield right now! (And yes I fucking love it so much.) I will tell you all more! I will. Stories will abound. 

And thank you for the support!

[ravenskar]

Chị nói tiếng Việt?

Yes! Nhung ma tieng Viet cua Chi khong co hay lam!

[ravenskar]

Deciding to check up on your blog to see if you'd updated was the best decision I made all weekend. You're back! YES!!! Welcome back. I love your art and I hope you stick around for a bit before your next hiatus x have a wonderful night

What a great decision-maker you are! I'm sure your future weekends will be full of even greater decision-making. You'll decision-make the shit of your weekends. Thank you! And I certainly will! Haha.. "next hiatus". :( 

[ravenskar]

Remember these?

[ravenskar]

You're back! The prophecies were true! (You're such an inspiration to me! I'm so happy you're active again! I hope you are doing well!)

The divine oracle spaketh the truth! And thank you so much. I am doing well :)