Life Update: I’m having an abortion & my teachers hate me.
It’s been a while. I’m 19 now. Second year of college. I have a boyfriend. I’m also seven weeks pregnant
How? I remember the exact moment it happened. He wasn’t my boyfriend yet at the time, but we had been hanging out for a while. I had been very adamant about the use of protection, I told him repeatedly I would only have sex if there was a condom. We were both drunk, I said no glove no love, he got a condom and we had sex. I fell asleep, he woke me up and wanted to have sex again, I didn’t really want to, I told him that, but he was way drunker than I was. Eventually we ended up having sex. We had had sex multiple times previously and I always make it clear that we need a condom, we had already had sex once that night, I figured I wouldn’t need to say it again, I just assumed he was wearing a condom, why wouldn’t he be?
After he pulled out I looked down and I realized there was no condom. I instantly panicked inside. I couldn’t say anything. I froze. I just laid on the bed stiff with anxiety. I tried to close my eyes and go to sleep. I couldn’t. I got up and left. I walked home. I took a shower and I cried.
I did nothing, I didn’t know what to do. Two days later I went to my school’s health services to try to get the morning after pill. I got there at 4, the nurse clocked out at 4. It was a Friday and they wouldn’t be back until Monday. They told me to get it at the drug store. I couldn’t afford a $50 pill, I needed my free university health services. I never got the pill. I just crossed my fingers.
A week or two later I started breaking out and I didn’t know why. I panicked and bought a ton of vitamins. I started taking antibiotics for my skin but it wasn’t helping. I had no idea what was going on. I started sleeping all the time. I was constantly tired. I told my friend I think I should get tested for mono. I noticed I was craving food that I didn’t normally like much.
I missed my period, but I know my cycle changes when I start having sex after not having sex for a while. I figured it would come next week. Next week I figured it would come next week. Next week I said if it doesn’t come tomorrow I’m going to take a pregnancy test. I took a test. It said to wait 5 minutes, but within seconds a cross appeared indicating that I was pregnant. I hid it under my bed and got stoned and cried.
I scheduled an appointment and drove 3 hours to planned parenthood. They were extremely nice and there was no charge. The test came back positive again. I cried. I made an appointment for an abortion two weeks later (this upcoming Tuesday).
A few days ago I told my boyfriend. I wasn’t planning on telling him, but I did. I was very scared. I didn’t know how he would react. I don’t know him that well at all. We’ve only been officially dating for a week. He ended up being really supportive and kind. He brought me candy and juice.
As I said earlier, I was so tired I thought I had mono. I’d go to class and come home and sleep. Sometimes I slept through class. I normally stay up without sleeping to do school work, but my body wouldn’t allow me to. I didn’t know why I was so tired or what was wrong. I’ve also had multiple UTI’s during the past seven weeks. The first one I dealt with by drinking a lot of water and ACV. I thought it went away, and then it came back a few days later. I just got another a few days ago. Apparently pregnant people might be more susceptible to UTI’s? (For those who don’t know, UTI’s can be extremely painful. Mine involved me sitting on the toilet for hours not being able to pee, but every time I stand up I think I’m about to pee.) I can’t go to class somedays with a UTI, because I often start crying from pain.
I also started getting morning sickness recently, which I was very upset to find out it wasn’t just in the morning. I would start feeling nauseas in the morning, feel like throwing up but not able to throw up because I haven’t ate anything because food is so unappetizing. I try to eat but food makes me gag and I end up not being able to swallow. I try to force myself to eat something later in the day.
My teachers hate me. The day I found out I was pregnant I cried and didn’t go to class or do homework. Then fall break started and I did nothing the entire break but sleep and confirm my pregnancy with PP. I’m 19, I’m pregnant, I feel alone and scared and I don’t know what to do.
I tried to get my life together the week after (this week). I turned in some of my assignments, went to see the campus counselor, went to health services. I want to tell my professors that I just need a little extra time. One of my professor seems to really dislike me, she is pestering me as to why I turned in my paper late? Why wasn’t I in class? Why am I going to miss class again next week? She even went so far as saying maybe I should drop out.
I cried reading the email. I want to tell her I’m trying, I’m just pregnant and I’m dealing with it and I’m going to be gone for an abortion and I might feel really sick from it. But I can’t say that. My professor has told the class multiple times that she is catholic. I don’t want to risk her hating me even more because it’s not very catholic to have an abortion.
I want to tell all of my professors. “Hi Professor --, I’m sorry I’ve been absent and missed xyz assignment. I’ve been pregnant all semester, and it’s been making me feel very sick. I’m hoping I will start to feel better soon. I’m trying hard to catch up. Thanks, --.”
But you just can’t do that! Abortion is such a stupid controversial thing and I just can’t tell them. I can’t do anything really. Health services can’t write me a note for everything. It’s just a big situation that has been effecting the entirety of my semester. This trimester is ruining my semester.
I’m scared for the abortion. I have to drive 3 hours again to get it done. I told my friend because I need someone to drive me home. 3 hours there, 6 hours at the hospital, 3 hours back. I’m scared but I’m also excited for this to be over. I have a headache right now and my stomach hurts. I’m tired. I want to stop breaking out and I want to stop sleeping all the time. I want to do well in school. I want to do well and be healthy but I just feel so sick.
