Let me share with you what I consider to be the most important less Iâve learned in my adult life:
âGrowing up doesnât mean you canât have Zebra Cakes. Growing up simply means that, if you want to have Zebra Cakes, you buy them for yourself.â
âWhat the hell are you talking about, Bear?â Well, let me explain. For those of you who live outside of the US, this is a Zebra Cake:
Itâs a little pre-packaged snack cake that is horribly cheap and junky and really not that great, but it is like manna from heaven to me. I fucking love these things. When I was a little kid growing up, my mom bought Zebra Cakes but once in a blue moon. They were intended to be put in mine and my siblingsâ school lunches, but my brother and I would eat them whenever we wanted, so Mom just didnât see the point. (They also used to be kind of expensive, at least for our familyâs budget.) Needless to say, the coveted Zebra Cakes were a luxury for me, and were one of the tastes of my childhood.
Fast forward to my college years. I was living in an apartment with three other people, doing my own shopping and cooking. I was in the grocery store, picking up some stuff, and I happened to walk past a display of snack cakes. Among them were several boxes of Zebra Cakes.
I paused at this, chuckling to myself. Oh man. Zebra Cakes. I havenât had those in years. I loved those when I was a kid. I reminisced happily and thought about how much I missed the taste of Zebra Cakes, then started to walk away.
Because I had realized that there was literally nothing stopping me from buying a box of Zebra Cakes. There was nothing stopping me from buying ten boxes of Zebra Cakes. If I wanted Zebra Cakes, I could have goddamn Zebra Cakes, because it was my money and my decision to make.
I put two boxes in my cart (they were 2 for $5) and never looked back.
Hereâs the secret I learned that day: The idea of something being âjust for kidsâ is, by and large, bullshit. What you do on your own adult free time with your own adult money is, by its very nature, adult stuff. Itâs like comedian Eddie Izzard (who frequently performed his routines in drag) once said when someone asked about him wearing âwomenâs clothesâ: âTheyâre not womenâs clothes. Theyâre my clothes. I bought them.â
I am 25 years old, and yesterday I bought myself a shark lunchbox. Look at it. Look at how awesome my lunchbox is.
Was this lunchbox intended to by bought for and used by a child? Yes. The tag said it was for ages 3 and up. But it was bought by and will be used by an adult, and anyone who thinks thatâs wrong is probably just jealous that they donât have the self-confidence to rock a shark lunchbox at 25.
So like. Being âmatureâ and âan adultâ doesnât mean you have to completely abandon the things that made you happy when you were younger. It just means that you may have to approach them in a different way.Â
