ben: nearly murders his best friend ben: wants to murder his wife also ben: i’m so HORNY

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@razoredged-blog1
ben: nearly murders his best friend ben: wants to murder his wife also ben: i’m so HORNY
she cannot fathom a life without ben, he was her everything, her only light and now he’s gone. she can’t look at him in the eyes without seeing what nero had tainted him with. it’s his fault they’re in this mess, and it always will be. the demon cannot loath anyone more than the emperor; nero germanicus ruins lives and will do for eternity. but he gets off on ruining alexis’ more than anyone else. she’s sure of that. as his hands grasp her shoulders the brunette gasps. it hurt - he knows it did. white patches sink into where his fingers once lay, making the other cringe and cower. but not because she’s scared, but because she knows he doesn’t want to. ben would never want to harm her, alexis knows that. lip trembles as he gets closer, cornering the fallen until she cannot move. but it’s welcomed in a sick and twisted manner. she’s enjoying it, any opportunity to feel his embrace she will take it with open arms. “ i.. i kn-know i am. “ you’re fucking insane. it rang in her ears like the church bells did the day they got married ( that’s a lie, they got married in a registry office in a midnight flit, but still ). the moment their lips touched in a rough, messy tangle she wouldn’t let go, hands gripping his shoulders and feet on tip toes, their tongues fighting in an inevitable battle of lust and sorrow. “ i f-fucking love you. “ they’re scratching and harming the other with all the love they can. she’s confused and angry, upset and terrified. but that’s all she knows of in life, hurt and pain. the brunette hates him, but loves him more. she wants to hit, but wants to fuck him more. they’re fighting their emotions more than their bodies, trying to figure out what the fuck is happening. “ i want to kill s-someone. but i-i want you. i-i want you so much. “
he’s never been so angry, so needy in his entire life. every fiber of his body torn in two, wanting to run and wanting to stay in place. his lips are on hers, his hands are exploring the curves of her body, pinned up against the wall under the weight of his own. he wants her, oh, he wants her so badly, feels the burning in the pit of his stomach as his hips press up against her own. she loves him, he knows that, he’s always known that. he doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve her, it echoes like a broken record in the back of his mind.
fighting the voices back, he’s got his hand tangled in her hair, clenching tight. there is that part of him that wants to make it hurt, he wants to hurt her. but he knows he never really could. teeth drag against her lip, a typhoon of emotions inside him, confusion fighting against lust, and loosing. a moment, he pulls back from her. he wants to punish her, he has no idea where these urges are coming from, but he wants to fuck her until she forgets her own name. a growl, a sound he’s never heard himself make before, from somewhere deep in his throat, as his lips find her jawline, her neck. “ stop talking. just -- shut up. ” he grunts, he doesn’t want to talk anymore. he’s done enough talking, done enough listening. now he wants to show her, wants to make her feel how badly he’s punishing himself. for hurting her, wants her to feel his guilt. hands on her hips, he lifts her, guides legs around his waist, and slams her back against the wall. hips lift into her own, he leaves a trail of kisses against her neck.
I’ve got shorts on. I’ve got my hand in my pants. It’s gonna be a good day.
(insp.)
nsfw starters; fifty reasons to have sex
send a number for a drabble/starter. they are sorted into categories ;
CATEGORY ONE; general
‘i can’t sleep’ sex
‘make up’ sex
‘break up’ sex
‘revenge’ sex
‘rebound’ sex
‘i’m bored’ sex
‘curiosity’ sex
‘first time’ sex
‘homecoming/prom night’ sex
‘hotel room’ sex
‘distraction’ sex
‘the condoms are about to expire’ sex
‘anniversary’ sex
‘snuck out of the house to hook-up’ sex
‘post-argument’ sex
‘we’re drunk and horny’ sex
‘comfort’ sex
‘walked in on while naked’ sex
‘to change the subject’ sex
CATEGORY TWO; risky/kinky/strangers
‘i need a place to crash’ sex
‘your friend just told you about a new position’ sex
‘the elevator broke down’ sex
‘end of the world/the world is in chaos’ sex
‘i can’t believe we survived’ sex
‘i caught you masturbating’ sex
‘you caught me masturbating’ sex
‘crotchless underwear is a thing’ sex
‘i’m/your pregnant and horny’ sex
‘we’re in a public place and i just spent the last half hour making you ridiculously aroused’ sex
‘you’re my teacher and i finally seduced you’ sex
‘i’m your teacher and i can’t believe your my student’ sex
‘best friend’s younger sibling who suddenly got hot’ sex
‘i saw a cool scene in a porno and i want to reenact it’ sex
CATEGORY THREE; cheating/assumed cheating
‘everyone thinks we’re banging, so we might as well just do it’ sex
‘we’ve been friends-with-benefits for a long time, and now that one of us is in a relationship, are we going to stop?’ sex
‘randomly hooked up one night and the next monday you walk into my work and i discover that my favourite colleague is actually your husband/wife’ sex
‘one or both of us is in a relationship, but we can’t help it’ sex
‘we’ve both been cheated on by our respective partners, so fuck it’ sex
CATEGORY FOUR; established relationships
‘we just got engaged’ sex
‘i thought you were dead, but you’re not and i can’t believe it’ sex
‘we were childhood sweethearts, and we haven’t seen each other in years’ sex
‘i need to lose my virginity and you’re the only person i want to lose it to’ sex
‘you just walked into my office for a job as my secretary/assistant and we haven’t seen each other in years, but sexual tension is a thing’ sex
‘our families hate each other for (insert reason here) but that doesn’t matter to us’ sex
‘we’re in a dysfunctional, toxic relationship but i still love you more than anything in this world’ sex
CATEGORY FIVE; lgbti+
‘my girlfriend left me with blue balls, and you’re her brother and i’m pretty sure i’m not gay but lets go for it’ sex
‘we pretended to be lesbian lovers to get a creepy guy to stop hitting on us, so we kissed to complete the charade and we both kind of liked it, so…?’ sex
‘you’re my room mate and you’re really hot, but we’re both guys/girls and this is new to me’ sex
‘i’m gay and you’re curious and you asked me to show you what it’s like’ sex
‘you’re gay and i’m curious and i asked you to show me what it’s like’ sex
If I had a drink for every fuck I give I’d be one sober mother fucker, but if I had a drink for every fuck I gave about her, I’d be intoxicated forever. I’d drink myself to death.
(via moonsads)
she doesn’t care if he’s angry, if he’s thinking about harming her, if he doesn’t love her anymore. all she knows is that she does LOVE him. with all her heart. and it’s hurting her, hurting her to the point where she wants to double over in pain and scream out for him to hold her. ben was the only person who knows her. he’s the only person in the world who can calm her down when she is in the worst states. she needs him, but he’s refusing to let her keep him. seldom would she flinch around him, yet she does. the yelling made her cower, but as soon as she did she straightened up, looked him dead in the eyes. “ i am f-fucked up. you know i a-am. i’m just a mess - but i d-don’t fuck whores and r-run away fr-from my husband. i d-don’t throw myself drinking p-parties in ran down motels. i d-don’t leave the p-p-person i fucking love b-ben! so don’t call m-me sick. “ despite turning away from him, the atmosphere is palpable, you can smell the heartbreak, can’t you? the desperation filling the air - smothering them. the urge to just forget it all and passionately love one another. “ i’m not p-playing games. i’m tr-trying to show you. sh-show you that you aren’t BAD. b-bad people would hit someone i-if told to. y-you didn’t. i love y-you, ben. and y-you’re just pushing me a-away wallowing in self p-pity and ignoring the f-fact your wife n-needs you. “ the brunette rest her frame against the wall, falling to his and resting her head on shaking knees, sobs escaping and echoing throughout the room, straight through her spine. “ i want y-you to love me again. “
maybe he doesn’t want love, maybe he wants to rip open her chest and see what her heart is really made of. is it sludge, is it black like what he feels pumping in his chest? he wonders if she would scream his name, what her blood what taste like on his tongue; he licks his lips, eyes are devouring her whole, he feels anger clenched around his heart. hands move to run through his hair, he moves away from her now and sits on the edge of the bed. he can still taste her on his lips, it tastes so sweet every part of him shudders, aches for her with such a deep longing. it all confuses him, his head spins and swirls between shades of red and shades of pink. he wants to kill her, he wants to kiss her; hands on either side of his head, his feet are tapping absently at the ground. he can’t do this.
her words pelt against him like fists, he knows she’s right. he knows what he’s doing is stupid, it’s cliche, but it still feels like everything he deserves. isn’t that the worst thing about self awareness? he can see his sanity slipping through his fingers, but he can not bring himself to catch it. she’s crying now, and he hates himself. teeth press against one another, and finally he stands up, cross the room to stand over alexis. “ now you want me to love you ? you pushed me away first, sure. i made a mistake, but fuck, alexis, i loved you. i love you. ” he’s rough now, his words, his movements as he leans to wrap hands around her arms, pulls her onto her feet with minimal effort. “ you’re fucking insane, stop crying. stop it. i hate when you cry like that... ” his words are soft now, like he doesn’t mean it at all. he stops talking, stares at her with mouth clenched. with a swoop of his head, his lips are crashed against hers, he’s pushing her back against the wall with all the passion he’s been keeping in.
maybe they’ve been deluded all this time that this could actually work: marriage, a family, normalcy. maybe the thing that ties them together also ties around their throat like a goddamn noose, tightening with every hitched breath and sloppy kisses and mumbled i love yous. it’s a cruel thought. it’s even more cruel after asking him to marry her like that.
maybe they’ve been deluded with the fact with whatever bad must have something good to come with it, something about an equality. a balance. maybe it was all some fabricated bullshit created for people who actually had hope. for people who’s necks weren’t so tightly bounded. dakota still couldn’t help the way her heart had sunk from him not being nearly as excited and willing as she was.
dakota dipped her head slightly to hide the way her cheeks burned from the embarrassment of her outburst. ❛ we — i mean — if you want to do it now — uh. we can wait. i can wait. i know it’s a little much to ask for, i think. ❜ idiot. she cleared her throat before looking back at him, fingernails gently nervously scratching the surface of his skin, corners of her lips twitching into a small smile. ❛ you should still shower to, mm, get yourself cleaned up. maybe i’ll even join you. ❜
there’s a pang of guilt somewhere deep in his stomach, he can see on her face that he’s upset her. he didn’t mean to do that, didn’t mean for her to think he doesn’t want this. she’s everything he wants, everything he needs. she might be all he has now, considering all things with ben. a hand finds her face, he’s running his thumb across her cheekbone with a soft touch. he can feels his cheeks ache, he hasn’t smiled so much in months. “ dakota. it’s not like that, yeah? i want to, i want to so bad... ” his words trail off, he’s brushing hair back behind her ear, looking at her like she’s the most important thing in the entire universe. he gives a soft sigh, leans his forehead up against her own. he feels home. eyes closed, he doesn’t talk for a moment, listens to the sound of her breath.
“ so much happened while i was gone. honestly, i just need someone to talk about it with. and that someone is always going to be you, mi princesa. ” a kiss to her lips, it’s soft, he finally opens his eyes and pulls away slowly. “ let’s go inside, hm ? ”
she’s going to regret this - she knows she will. “ broken? y-you’re ‘broken’ right, i-i forgot. “ the dainty thing got closer - she isn’t scared of what he is. sure, he’s stronger, but you aren’t SCARED of your loved ones, no matter what they are. brunette curls ghost over his face, holding her breath, expecting the worst before she pressed pale lips to his, fumbling for his hands, gripping them tight.
“ you kissed me b-b-back. s-so don’t use that c-cold tone with me, acting as if y-you never loved me. because y-you still do. y-you wouldn’t kiss your WIFE back if y-you didn’t love them. “ she cannot comprehend what’s happening right now, but she knows what he’s going through - she’s been there herself. “ you a-are a good guy, you’ve just been th-throwing yourself pity parties when in a-actuality you’re j-just a cunt. a c-cunt with a big heart t-to big for his fucking b-boots. you’re not g-gonna hurt me, ben. you’re n-not STRONG enough to hurt m-me. you a-aren’t bad, y-you’ve just done BAD th-th..things. and your m-mess? no no, MY mess. nero? x-xaphan? r-rudi? penelope? they’re a-all my problems th-that you ended u-up involved in. this i-isn’t your problem. they w-were all mine. “ “ hit me. i d-dare you. c’mon, hurt me. “ if words a-aren’t getting through to him she’ll just have to MAKE him see. physicality doesn’t m-matter to the brunette. people have hurt her far worse than a slap. “ doin’ that bl-black eye thing is o-old - i can d-do it to. it proves n-nothing. you d-don’t scare me BEN GILLESPIE. so g-go on, hurt me, i-i won’t move a muscle. “ YOU AREN’T SCARED OF YOUR LOVED ONES, RIGHT?
every part of him wants to disappear, but stay right there, with her. he loves her so much, oh god, what has he done? he ruins everything he touches, he ruined himself, he ruined her, he doesn’t want to look at her anymore again. he’s feeling sick again. but then she’s drawing closer to him, she’s got her hands trying to hold her own, he tenses. lets her get closer, and closer, before he knows what’s happening.
she kisses him, he can’t help himself, it’s a reflex to kiss her back. gentle, he doesn’t feel like he deserves it at all. he refuses to look at her when she pulls away, his hands twist into loose fists by his side. she’s talking, about how he’s good, but he can’t really listen, he can’t accept that everything isn’t his fault. he pushes everyone away in the end, he was broken way before they met, maybe he was broken when he was born. suddenly, she’s talking about hitting her, and he pulls his gaze to her finally. he stares at her for a moment, he looks at her with a blank look. there is no emotion behind his eyes, he doesn’t move. a few moments, before he takes a step back, pulls his hands out of her own. “ no. no -- fuck no. you don’t just get to kiss me and then ask me to hit you. what the fuck, alexis ? that’s fucked up. what fucking, sick games are you trying. to play here ? ” he’s yelling now, he takes another step back and looks at her with brows raised.
oh. HIM. head cants, he mouths an ‘ oooh ‘. perhaps he should be careful– he can SMELL the demonic odor he carries with him. similar to his own. it’s funny. rudi can’t find it in himself to feel INTIMIDATED; he’s lost that much when it comes to very smaller threats. lucifer holds the highest, able to make the ghoul COWER & kiss his feet. ben ? rudi’s sure he can handle. “ he’s ALEXIS’ TOO, don’t ferget that. makin’ her hate yous MORE won’t do yous any good— but, oh, wait ! yer in that…uh, EMO PHASE. aye ? the one where yous make everyone yous love HATE YOUS ‘cause yous hate yerself n’ yous don’t DESERVE TO BE LOVED. god, that cliche. it’s so dumb. “ there’s a smile as he rambles, an amused sigh exhaled. hands CLASP TOGETHER, he steps towards the demon. “ yous even BREATHE on him, i’ll….well, i’ll just have t’eat yer BONES, buddy ! that’d be a shame. “
he might look small, but he always has. even before his little trip to the underworld, a little soul surgery, he could kill rudi with his bare hands. trained from birth to be a warrior. they took such interest in him down there, because he was already so well trained. they made him harder, stronger.
ben laughs. it’s empty, there’s nothing behind his eyes as he looks to rudi. sure, the baby is part his wife -- is she his wife? his heart burns. he ignores the feeling. a wave of his hand, he merely shrugs. “ sure. cliche as hell. but my whole life is a damn cliche. ” a smile, it’s twisted, it’s far from human. “ i fucking hate you. i don’t care about your little threats, i fucking hate you! that’s supposed to be my kid --- ” he doesn’t yell, but finally there’s some emotion behind his voice.
he’s simply WALKING HOME from the cemetery. had some business there, but now he’s found that he no longer HOLDS INTEREST. wants to return home, maybe bother LUCIFER in all the ways he loves to be bothered. until he’s stopped. called at. the ghoul stops mid-step, MISMATCHED EYES rolling to the boy that seems to THREATEN HIM. “ —– if it’s a HOLE, it’ll get fucked. not just by me, eithah. “ doesn’t know this guy. doesn’t recognize him. “ ……does i KNOW YOUS or somethin’ ? “
oh, they’ve never met, but ben knows him. ben knows all about him -- born into a family who didn’t want him, raised by an imposter father. all the while, his real father is a blood thirsty maniac. oh yes, he knows rudi. ben regards him for a moment, somewhere between smiling and ready to strike. blood, he wants blood, needs it, maybe.
“ no. not exactly. ” a beat, he stares. emotionless, teeth on edge. “ but you know alexis. don’t you? know her real well --- i just wanted to meet you before i kill your son. i’m ben. ”
he’s mad, oh -- but he has no right to be. that’s not going to stop him from being an asshole about it; teeth play absently with his lip ring as he waits. a few minutes pass. ah, there he is. man of the hour, rudiger grace.
“ you know. going around sticking your dick in places it doesn’t belong is a surefire way to get it cut off. ”
[ * @ghoulardii. ]
she’s heard, he told her, not personally, but she knew who it was from. she cannot comprehend it; why would he do that for her? he’s been gone for so long, done such terrible things and betrayed her over and over yet, she still loves him. she won’t tell him that - but it’s obvious - she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t. “ why? that’s what. h-how.. how d-dare you. h-he HAD left me a-alone ben, because you left ME. d-don’t you get it? he leaves me be wh-when i’m kicked to th-the c-curb and y-you kicked me. y-you… you didn’t have t-to make yourself wh-what i am to protect m-me. protect th-the whore you slept with, not m-me. “ she wants to run a million miles, actually scared, what if he lashes out? either way, she said what she had to, and it broke her fucking heart. “ why c-couldn’t this w-work? you were LITERALLY th-the only nice th-thing i had. “
hasn’t realised it’s her yet, vision blurred - half from tears, half from whiskey. and honestly, he doesn’t care. there’s a part of him that hopes it’s someone there to kill him, moves his gaze back to his knuckles until he hears that voice. her voice. the voice he’s been dreaming about, that has been screaming at him every night as he tries to sleep. suddenly, he’s on his feet, he’s facing her. oh god, he thinks he’s going to throw up.
everything he’s wanted to say to her, it all sits there on the back of his tongue. it rots, it burns, he has to tear his eyes away from her, turn his gaze to the ground. he doesn’t deserve to look at her beauty. she yells at him, and he takes it. he doesn’t flinch, feels his chest tense and he can barely breathe. she finishes, and he doesn’t know what to say. he wants to scream, he wants to cry, he wants to beg her to take him back, but he does none of the sort. instead, gaze flickers, black fades from the edges and engulf the whites of his eyes. he looks at her, but he’s not looking at her. “ i’m what i always was, what i’m supposed to be. a monster. you think i did this because of you? get over yourself, alexis -- ” her name bites his tongue, he flinches and eyes fade back to normal. he stares, stoic for a moment, before he softens, if only slightly. “ because i’m not a good guy, babe. they tried to make me good, but i’ve always been bad. broken. you just got yourself mixed up in my mess. ”
the ache that she’s been feeling for months now quickly dissolved away just as quick as his lips are against hers. she doesn’t care about the blood or the state he’s in, would’ve let him kiss her anyway. it’s been too long. still, she feels like a school girl with a crush with that same more than butterflies feeling knotted deep in her stomach, burning at her throat. her hands become greedy, yet careful, as they leave from his face and back around his neck, fingernails lightly trace around the hairs on the back.
yell at me. make it hurt. she isn’t as angry as she thought she’d be. angry as she probably should’ve been. but instead feels like she’s right at home. she took a step back, staggering her way back over to the door, but parted them briefly before she could reach for the door. dakota took a moment or two to catch her breath and looked at him through thicker lashes.
❛ marry me. right now. ❜
she pulls away from him, and he lets out an involuntary groan, lower lip juts out. he needs her, he always needed her; he forced himself not want her, because he knows no matter what, they will always be unfinished. they will always find some obstacle in their road, he was their obstacle. he knows that, too. she’s looking at him with those beautiful eyes; he can’t help but get lost in swimming pools of dark, like stormy weather. dangerous. MARRY ME. the words hit him like a tonne of bricks. he stares, mouth open as if he’s suddenly lost the ability to comprehend what she’s saying. he wants that, but knowing she still wants it too -- his heart leaps into his throat, fingers tighten against the curve of her waist. he should say something, anything. harden up, you idiot!
“ oh, mami. i gotta shower first --- ” smooth. he mentally kicks himself, offers her a sheepish look, before he leans to kiss her again. gentle, soft, teeth gently grazing her lower lip as he pulls away.
his knuckles are bruised, covered in blood -- not his. he’s been sitting on the edge of this motel bed for hours now, maybe days. can’t remember, he’s lost track of time entirely. ever since miguel walked out, refusing to look at him. can he blame the other for walking out? no, not at all. not when ben has his hands covered in his blood ; he snapped, couldn’t help himself, nearly killed his best friend. there’s a feeling in the room, suddenly ; it’s all so strange and new to him, having these extra senses, extra powers. finally, he’ll look to turn his head over his shoulder, looks to the corner at a shadowy figure.
“ what ? ”
[ * @peachcut. ]
how did he let his life get like this? there’s guilt in every pore of his body, it twists into his veins and it is tearing him apart, inside out. fingers tap absently against the steering wheel ; he should just turn around, drive away before he does something stupid. but his mind is swimming in whiskey and taunted with silent screams of his own misdeeds. how can he live with himself? only he could do this to the best thing that could happen in his life. people are easily broken, he forgets this when he’s already so broken himself. it’s hard to remember what being fragile is like, and he tries to swallow past the lump in his throat. nothing is every going to be okay, he’s accepted this. he’s going to move on.
car door creaks open, he’s stepping out onto the dirt covering the make shift car park. eyes turn towards the bar -- it’s just another side of the road joint, nothing special. you see one, you see them all, right? it wasn’t a pleasing aesthetic he’s looking for here, however. he could care less what the place looked like, smelled like. heavy feet carry him inside, eyes scan the smattering of zombie-esque patrons drinking their sorrows away in dim lighting, he doesn’t give them a second look. he doesn’t care enough.
peachcut replied to your post
why is the focal point of this his eyesight? hE’S A DEMON? what abt the lip ring tho?
ehehehe :^)))) omg yes of course he still has his lip ring that shit is forever