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Survivor’s Rights

In 2019, the Nevada legislature passed AB176 which established a survivor's Bill of Rights. These rights are primarily about the reporting process and interacting with law enforcement. These kinds of legal protections are a huge step forward in addressing the ways in which our criminal justice system often hurts survivors who pursue justice.

But survivors' rights extend beyond the ones laid out by the law. As we approach another Sexual Assault Awareness Month, there are many ways we can support victims, including being aware of and respecting all of their rights.

Assembly Bill 176 established the following rights for survivors of sexual assault here in Nevada:

The right to a forensic medical exam, at no cost, which will be assembled into a Sexual Assault Kit or SAK.

The right to have a friend, family member, or advocate present during your exam.

The right to a shower, if available, following your exam, at no cost.

If you report to police, you have the right to have your SAK tested within 120 days.

If you do not report to police, you have the right to have your SAK stored without a time limit in case you choose to report in the future.

The right to know where your SAK is at all times.

The right to know the results of any tests conducted on your SAK.

The right to file a report with police.

The right to request to be interviewed by someone of the gender of your choice, if someone of that gender is available at the time you make your report.

The right to have a friend, family member, advocate, or attorney present during your interview with police.

The right to view police documents related to your case.

The right to be informed of what is happening with your case, and whether someone is convicted of a crime.

These rights go a long way towards ensuring that survivors have access to the services, support, and information they need, and returns some power back into their hands. Within the institution of our criminal justice system, having these rights codified in law is essential.

At the same time, at the community level, there are many additional ways that we can support, respect, and empower victims, with or without legislation.

We are always humbled by the courage of survivors who come forward to share their stories in public in some way. We know that when they take on this difficult task, they are helping other survivors by creating space for them to come forward and share their truth too. We can honor that act of courage by observing survivors' right to control the circumstances under which they share.

The right to support before, during, and after sharing publicly. Any organization which works with survivors who shares their story publicly in some way has a responsibility to ensure that those survivors are being supported around each sharing occasion. This could include providing a quiet space for the speaker away from event attendees, or having an advocate available. Most importantly, it includes asking the survivor what they need.

The right to control the use of their name, image, and story. Often, survivors will allow an organization to share their name, image, and story on social media, at events, or in educational materials. This helps those organizations, like the RCC, to put a face on the issue of sexual violence for our community and our supporters. It is essential for survivors to have absolute control over how that sharing happens.

We must let the survivor dictate how their story is framed, the context in which it is shared, whether and how they are identified, and what type of situations they are willing to participate in to share their story. We also need to recognize that a survivor may eventually choose to "retire" from the public eye, and be prepared to phase out related materials in a timely manner.

The right to be independent from their story. Every survivor is more than what happened to them. One of the barriers to reporting is the fear that people will only ever view the person as a victim. Survivors have the right to be treated like the rest of us, which includes having space to engage in anti-violence work without always having to be in the role of sharing their personal story.

Work Together to Make Holiday Parties Safer

Are you, and maybe some of your work friends, feeling a little stressed about the office holiday party this year because of a certain problematic coworker? If there is anyone in your office that has a reputation for inappropriate comments or other harassment, it can be extremely stressful to imagine dealing with that person in a social setting. Attitudes are often more relaxed at holiday parties, especially when alcohol is served, and that is definitely cause for concern that a harasser will escalate their behavior.

Here are some actions you can take to help yourself and your colleagues to feel safer:

Talk About It Start by talking to your coworkers about how this person makes each of you feel. This is especially important with "open secret" situations where inappropriate behavior is widely recognized but rarely discussed freely. Identify specific behaviors, and make note of any situations where more than one of you witnessed the inappropriate behavior.

Inform HR If you haven't yet, now is as good a time as any to inform HR about your concerns. If the behavior clearly violated company policy, file a formal complaint against the person. If the behavior was more subtle, or you are concerned that it won't be considered "serious" enough for a formal complaint, schedule a meeting with HR to discuss your concerns. Involve as many of your colleagues who have witnessed or experienced the behavior (and feel safe coming forward) as possible.

Safety Plan/Be Active Bystanders Get together and talk about how you can help each other feel safe at the holiday party around this person. Discuss how you will intervene to diffuse uncomfortable or inappropriate situations. Identify those with the power to have an impact, and ask for their help ahead of time (like a male coworker who can safety distract or redirect the perpetrator). Think about what type of behavior you expect from the person, and decide how to respond to it ahead of time. Know what you will do if you see this person victimizing someone else.

Document Everything At every stage of this process, take the time to document the perpetrator's behaviors, your concerns, and the steps you've taken to report the situation. Documentation is an essential tool for holding a perpetrator (and your company) accountable and bringing harassment to an end.

To learn more about how to safety plan and be an active bystander, check out Party Smart and Hollaback!

Intersectionality and MMIW

November is Native American Heritage Month, so we're turning our attention to the issue of Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women. But in order to fully understand how this situation became so dire, it is important to understand a bit about the intersectionality of racism and sexism in sexual violence.

You've probably heard the term "intersectionality" before, but you may not know where it came from. The term was originated by Kimberlé Crenshaw, a professor of law at both UCLA and Columbia. Crenshaw is a leading authority on Civil Rights, racism and the law, and Black Feminist legal theory. In 1989, she wrote a paper for the University of Chicago Legal Forum in which she used 3 legal cases to illustrate how racial discrimination and sex discrimination overlap, and how people victimized by both were being denied legal recourse.

In DeGraffenreid v General Motors, 5 Black women sued General Motors for policies which specifically discriminated against just Black women. General Motors did not hire Black women until 1964, and all of the Black women hired after 1970 lost their jobs during recession layoffs. But the plaintiffs were unable to make their case. General Motors had hired white women before 1964, so the court determined that there was no sex discrimination. And they had hired Black men before 1964, so the court determined that there was no racial discrimination. The court refused to permit the women to bring a joint charge of racism and sexism, arguing that it would create a special class of protected people.

These women were denied justice based on the seeming refusal by the court to recognize that it is possible to be the victim of both racism and sexism at the same time.

We see the same intersection of sexism and racism at work in sexual violence. For no group is this more prominent than Indigenous women.

Prevalence rates of rape of women by race in the United States: Asian/Pacific Islander: 6.8% Hispanic/Latina: 11.9% White:17.7% Black: 18.8% American Indian/Alaska Native: 34.1% Mixed Race: 24.4% 

As you can see, Indigenous women (American Indian/Alaska Native) experience sexual violence at about twice the average rate. They are also victims of homicide at 10 times the national average. This extreme level of violence against Indigenous women is rooted deep in US history.

"If sexual violence is not simply a tool of patriarchy but also a tool of colonialism and racism, then entire communities of color are the victims of sexual violence." - Andrea Smith, Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide

Sexual violence has been a primary tool of the genocide of Indigenous peoples in North America. It has been a way to dehumanize and terrorize an entire people. White Victorian ideas about modesty made it easy to characterize Indigenous women as promiscuous and hyper sexual based on the amount of clothing they wore. Historically, the lack of legal personhood for Indigenous people made it impossible for victims to testify again their white rapists in a court of law. The violence extended to children as well; sexual abuse was rampant in the boarding schools which Indigenous children were forced to attend as late as the 1970s.

Today, this history of sexual violence as a tool of genocide continues in the form of massive gaps in legal protections. The primary perpetrators of this violence continue to be white, because tribal governments have no jurisdiction over those who are not tribal members. A perpetrator can therefore go onto tribal land, victimize people, and completely avoid accountability.

It has been a long fight to close these legal gaps with the periodic reauthorizations of the Violence Against Women Act over recent years. A reauthorization that increased various protections passed the House this spring, but it has yet to come to a vote in the Senate.

Nevada Senator Catherine Cortez-Masto has been especially active on the issue of Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women in 2019. She has helped to reintroduce Savanna's Act, helped sponsor the Not Invisible Act, and just this month moved to push through the VAWA reauthorization in the Senate.

You can take action on the issue of MMIW in a few different ways:

Check out the Coalition to Stop Violence Against Native Women for ways to get involved in the movement.

Keep learning about the issue and share what you learn with your friends and family.

Call your Senators and ask them to support Savanna's Act, the Not Invisible Act, and the VAWA reauthorization (or in the case of Cortez-Masto, thank her for her action). Encourage everyone you know to do the same.

Sexual Assault, DV, and Trafficking Are Not Separate Experiences

We often talk about sexual assault, domestic violence, and human trafficking as if they are all separate issues. In the context of rape culture, of course, we understand that they are all connected; they all exist on a continuum of violence behaviors. But most importantly, people's experiences with them are not separate.

Like physical and emotional abuse, sexual abuse is a common facet of domestic violence. It's another way to assert power and control over the victim. Between 40% and 45% of domestic abusers will sexually assault their victims as part of the abuse. Meanwhile a 2010 report from the Centers for Disease Control found that about 50% of female victims of rape report that the perpetrator was their partner. There is clearly significant overlap between domestic abusers and perpetrators of sexual assault.

Human Trafficking is also closely connected to domestic violence. As part of the grooming process, traffickers will often pose as romantic partners to their victims, especially in cases where the victim is a minor. Once the trafficker has the victim deeply entrenched in a relationship, they will slowly begin coercing them into having sex for money. Even in situations where the trafficker and victim do not have a partner relationship, the victim may live with the perpetrator and experience the same physical and emotional violence that a domestic abuse victim endures.

Finally, the experience of human trafficking is made up of multiple sexual assaults. Those who are trafficked are not willing participants in sex work. They are compelled, by force or coercion, to have sex they do not want. Sex without consent is sexual assault.

Sexual assault, domestic violence, and human trafficking are not separate issues or separate experiences. Instead, we could describe them simply as different angles from which we can view the consequences of rape culture.

The continued separation of these issues in our minds and conversations means continued separation in our policies. Right now, our systems are not adapted to serve victims and survivors in a holistic way that actually acknowledges, and responds to, the ways that these forms of violence interact and affect people.

For now, it is up to service providers to work together to make those changes from the bottom up. One way that this work is being done here in Las Vegas is through the Family Justice Center.

The Family Justice Center is a "one-stop shop" for victims of sexual assault, domestic violence, and human trafficking. The center is a collaboration between 9 different agencies:

Safe Nest

Rape Crisis Center

Immigrant Home Foundation

Legal Aid Center of Southern Nevada

City Attorney’s Office

Clark County District Attorney’s Office

Salvation Army SEEDS of HOPE

LVMPD Victim Advocates

LVMPD Domestic Violence Detectives

By placing representatives from all of these different organizations in a single place, the Family Justice Center is equipped to respond much more effectively to victims who are experiencing multiple, intersecting forms of violence. The close proximity doesn't just make it easier to victims to easily access help from several sources. It also makes it much easier for the organizations to work together and coordinate their efforts so that there are no gaps in services.

The Family Justice Center is open Monday through Friday from 9am to 4pm. No appointment is needed; victims and survivors can get services on a walk-in basis. No one is required to report to, or interact directly with, law enforcement in order to access the services at the FJC. Learn more by calling 702-828-7714.

Parenting a Survivor

When a child or teen experiences sexual violence, it can cause upheaval for the whole family. Parents may feel angry, scared, or helpless to fix the problem.

The good news is that parents are not helpless. There is so much that you can do to support your child or teen through their healing process. Today, we'll talk about two common challenges parents may face in providing that support.

The first challenge that parents & other family members may face is not knowing what to expect when it comes to their child's behavior after abuse. Often, because of social narratives about who is victimized and how victims should act, parents may be shocked or confused about how their child reacts to their trauma. But in fact, everyone reacts differently.

Some victims become withdrawn, expressing very little emotion, and even talking about their assault or abuse in a very calm and detached way.

Some victims become angry and lash out, getting into fights at school or acting defiant at home.

Some victims become very anxious and frightened, and might even have trouble leaving the house or being left alone.

Some victims may cope with trauma by turning to drugs or alcohol, while others may try to reassert control over their sexuality by having a lot of sex with different partners.

Some victims may become depressed and struggle to do normal daily activities.

All of these are completely normal reactions to the trauma of sexual violence.

When families don't know about these different possible responses, a young person's changes in behavior may be viewed as a problem or reason for punishment, rather than seen as a normal reaction to a traumatic experience. Knowing what to expect and how to respond allows families to better support their child in their healing process.

Once you understand what to expect, knowing how to respond appropriately can be the next challenge. If, for example, going to therapy or talking openly about feelings is not normalized for a family, it can be hard for parents to understand why those things might be needed. If your own experience growing up was that sharing your problems with people outside the family was improper, it can be uncomfortable and even upsetting to consider opening your family up to a stranger for counseling.

Parents may have to step outside their own comfort zone in order to get their child the help that they need to heal after assault or abuse. But it's so important that they be willing to try, because family support has a huge positive impact on the healing process.

If you are a parent or guardian of a young person who has experienced sexual violence, both you and your child can find support at the Rape Crisis Center. Both of you can get one-on-one counseling at our counseling center. We have a support group for teen survivors, and a support group for parents of survivors. The parent's group is open to both English and Spanish speakers. You can visit our website http://rcclv.org/calendar/ or call us at 702-385-2153 to learn more.

Policies & Resources for Parents

Another year in the Clark County School District is under way, so we wanted to talk about some of the ways that parents and guardians can be proactive about the issue of sexual violence in schools. Staying up to date on policies and resources, as well as accessing prevention education, can help you keep your own kids safe. It also gives you the tools to work with other families to make schools safer for all children.

Know the school's policies. Parents and guardians need to be aware of what the school's policies are around sexual harassment and other violence. First, because it ensures that you know what to expect from the school if an incident ever takes place. Second, because if you're not satisfied with the school's policies, you can demand better. Remember, your voice is the most powerful when it comes to educational matters.

For those with children in CCSD, you can browse district policies here. We encourage you to get familiar with the following policies in particular:

Policy & Regulation 4100 Relationships, Interactions, and Communications Between District Employees or Representatives/Volunteers and Students. This policy is about ensuring that interactions between adults and students remain appropriate, and preventing sexual misconduct or abuse. It includes rules for digital communication between CCSD staff and students.

Regulation 5141.2 Discipline: Harassment. This regulation defines harassment, including sexual harassment, and lays out the procedure for reporting incidents of sexual harassment. Note that this policy does list behaviors which may be considered harassment. This can be helpful in a situation where the school is incorrectly labelling a behavior as bullying when it is, in fact, sexual harassment.

What if my child doesn't attend a CCSD School? If your child attends a school that is not part of CCSD, start by contacting the front office and asking where you can access school policies. Tell the person you speak with that you are specifically looking for any policies regarding sexual harassment, misconduct, or abuse. If the school doesn't respond to you in a timely manner, or you are otherwise unsatisfied with their response or the policies themselves, consider getting a group of parents together and scheduling a meeting with the principal to discuss your concerns.

How can RCC help? The Rape Crisis Center can provide support in a number of different ways:

Free training for families. Parents and guardians can schedule a free Enough Abuse workshop to learn about abuse prevention, including strategies for vetting day cares, schools, camps, and other kids' programs for safety.

Free training for schools. RCC also provides Enough Abuse trainings for schools to ensure that staff and teachers are equipped to both prevent and recognize the signs of sexual abuse. We can also help schools improve their prevention policies.

Free prevention education for children. RCC provides age appropriate violence prevention education for children of all ages. We cover everything from consent and healthy boundaries to healthy relationships and digital safety.

School-Based Advocate. RCC has a dedicated school-based advocate. This advocate specializes in helping students and their families navigate the process of reporting sexual violence of any kind, and ensuring that the school responds appropriately.

To learn more about these trainings, or to speak to our school-based advocate, call our office at 702-385-2153.

What Happens When Women Are In Charge?

Putting more women in positions of power has always been one of the goals of the women's movement. The thinking goes that if women are leaders and decision makers, their leadership and decisions will be good for all women. The result is systematic change that reduces inequality.

This is not always true. We can point to plenty of examples of female politicians and CEOs whose policies reinforced gender oppression just as much any male, even when those female leaders claim to be feminists. Many female politicians oppose comprehensive sex education, gay marriage, and abortion even in cases of rape and incest. And the co-founder of Thinx period-proof underwear, Miki Agrawal, was ousted as "She-E-O" following allegations that she groped an employee and otherwise created a toxic work environment in a company which, notably, had no HR department or parental leave policy.

Just being a female leader, even one who identifies as a feminist, does not automatically mean that your leadership is good for other women. But when female leaders produce policies that address systematic inequality, that is when change in leadership leads to change in society.

The 2019 Nevada Legislature broke a record. It was the first time in the history of the United States of America that women held a majority of seats in a state legislature. Just over half of our state representatives this year are women.

"Women hold fewer than 30 percent of state legislative seats across the country, fewer than 25 percent of congressional seats, so getting to 50 percent in any one place is something significant," says Kelly Dittmar, a scholar at the Center for American Women and Politics at Rutgers University.

This history-making body of lawmakers introduced many bills addressing issues like sexual violence, child marriage, equal pay, education, and more. And while not everything made it through, here are just a few of the laws that did pass which will benefit women:

AB456 will gradually increase the minimum wage from $8.25/hour to $12/hour over the next five years, a significant improvement for minimum wage workers (the majority of whom are women, and many of whom are also single parents).

AB139 addressed the issue of child marriage by setting the minimum age for marriage to 17 (with parent or guardian approval).

AB176 codifies sexual assault victims' right to access a victim advocate when getting a forensic exam or making a report to law enforcement.

AB142 eliminated the statute of limitations for sexual assault in cases where DNA evidence can identify a suspect.

SB166 added state protections to ensure equal pay for equal work.

SB173 expanded the list of crimes for which victims of sex trafficking can have convictions sealed or vacated.

SB383 makes it explicitly illegal for law enforcement officers to have sexual contact with a person who has been arrested or detained.

AB248 in cases of sex offense crimes or gender-based discrimination, this bill prohibits agreements from including gag orders that would prevent the victim from disclosing information about the incident.

AB19 gives police more ways to serve temporary protection orders.

AB40 extends the effective dates for initial temporary protective orders from 30 to 45 days.

SB218 increases the penalties for repeated violations of temporary protection orders, and should make it easier for victims to get protection orders.

AB60 expanded the crimes that can be counted as domestic violence and increased the penalties for repeat offenders.

AB41 requires public utilities and government agencies to accept fictitious addresses from victims of domestic violence in order to protect victims' privacy.

AB472 requires health plans to cover maternity care for surrogates.

SB94 provides $6 million in grants over two years to cover the cost of contraceptives.

SB179 decriminalized abortion, already protected by the state constitution, and streamlined informed consent for those seeking abortions.

And many, many more.

Only time will tell how much these policies impact social change on a large scale. But they are clearly intended to address systematic sexism as it manifests in economic inequality, reproductive rights, and intimate partner violence.

Being Proactive About Abuse Prevention

Rigorous prevention efforts have begun to change the conversation around child sexual abuse. More and more people are beginning to understand that perpetrators are not the creepy, trench-coat-wearing strangers we once imagined them to be. We are seeing greater recognition of how perpetrators exploit positions of trust to harm their victims.

This realization can be frightening for parents and other caretakers. If perpetrators are deliberately putting themselves into positions of trust (like teachers, coaches, and youth pastors), does this mean we can't trust anyone to be around our children? How is it possible to keep kids safe? By taking time to understand how perpetrators exploit trust to groom both children and adults, we can take some pretty simple steps to prevent it from happening.

We know that perpetrators of child sexual abuse will deliberately choose careers that:

A)give them easy access to potential victims and B) give them the automatic trust of the community so that other adults will not feel the need to closely monitor their behavior.

Part of why this technique works for perpetrators is because we assume that certain people and places are intrinsically safe. We assume, "sexual abuse can't happen here".

There are simple, effective actions we can take to counteract this behavior in perpetrators:

1) Never assume that a place is immune to abuse. Remember, perpetrators seek out situations where there is a high level of community trust. So, the greater the sense of safety and trust, the more important it is for adults to take action to prevent exploitation by perpetrators. 2) Institutionalize Safety. In order to prevent exploitation by an abuser, adults must institutionalize safety by establishing official rules and policies that remove opportunities for abuse. For example: a communication policy which prevents staff members from texting with children, rules against covering windows or obstructing the view into classrooms or offices, and an open-door policy that allows parents to drop in on activities unannounced. 3) Be Familiar With and Alert To Red Flags. Once you know what they are, you can spot red flags to abuse in the behavior of other adults, behaviors such as: ignoring a child's signals that they do not want to be touched, or not respecting a child's bathroom privacy. Knowing these red flags, being alert to them in adults in your community, and trusting your judgement when you notice them allows you (and other trusted adults) to spot a potential perpetrator and intervene before their behavior escalates. 4) Ask Questions. Before putting your child into a new situation (such as an after school activity, or summer camp), find out if appropriate steps are being taken to prevent abuse. Is the staff trained in recognizing red flags to abuse? Are policies in place like those mentioned in #2? Is abuse prevention acknowledge as important, or is it being assumed by staff that "sexual abuse can't happen here"?

These prevention strategies are always stronger when practiced by the community. Work with other trusted parents and caretakers to advocate for policies that prevent abuse. Talk to people in your community about positions of trust and how they can be protected from exploitation by abusers. Share what you know about the red flags to abuse.

To learn more about these strategies and how to implement them in your community, take advantage of a free Enough Abuse workshop. These trainings are available to parents and caretakers, as well as any business or organization that serves young people.

Abuse Prevention Requires Respect for Children's Rights

In order to prevent child sexual abuse, we have to have many discussions that may be difficult for adults. One such difficult discussion is about the tension between parental rights and children's rights.

In order to parent a child, adults have to take responsibility for making a lot of decisions on the child's behalf. Especially when children are small, you have to be responsible for deciding what they eat, how they dress, when they sleep, who is allowed to interact with them, and what they get exposed to. Until children are old enough and knowledgeable enough to start making these decisions for themselves, this is how parents keep them healthy and safe. Part of parenting is helping children gradually take more and more responsibility for themselves. As time passes, your child is able to start bathing themself, feeding themself, dressing themself, going to sleep when they get tired, etc.

However, some people have confused these responsibilities with the right to maintain total control over children. Many people have grown up with the understanding that parental authority is absolute, and continue to parent that way today. However, as we have learned more about the dynamics of abusive behavior, we have come to understand that an authoritarian model of parenting increases children's vulnerability to sexual abuse.

Child sexual abuse is like any other form of sexual violence; it is about power and control. Perpetrators use their power to groom, coerce, and then silence their victims. Abusers often depend on children's unquestioning obedience to adults to force them into abusive situations and then to prevent them from telling a trusted adult what happened. This isn't just an issue of children mistakenly taking their obedience for known adults (like family and teachers) and extending it to dangerous strangers. The majority of abusers, 93% according to RAINN, are adults that the child knows. 34% of abusers are family members, while the other 59% are acquaintances (including people like family friends, teachers, coaches, church members, parents of friends, etc). When the child knows the abuser it is likely that they have been told, either explicitly or implicitly, that they are expected to obey that adult.

This is why it is so important to empower children to make decisions about their own bodies from as early an age as possible. Ensuring children have the final say on what happens to their body is key to protecting them from abuse. When children are taught that their ability to make decisions about their own bodies is absolute, and will not be punished as "talking back" or being disrespectful to adults, we give them the most powerful tool in abuse prevention. This helps children learn that no adult, not even a parent, has the right to force them into a situation that makes them feel scared or unsafe.

Tension between a child's rights and their parent's rights can extend to what knowledge the child has access to. Some parents feel strongly about preventing their children from having access to certain health information to protect their "innocence". Parents may be adamant that children under a certain age not be taught the correct anatomical names for their body parts like "penis", "vulva", "vagina", and "buttocks". However, we know that when children are denied this information, they are more vulnerable to abuse. A child's right to safety must be more important than parent's discomfort with terminology, regardless of their reasoning. There is significant documentation that demonstrates children who know the medically correct names for their body parts are less of a target for abusers, because they are more likely to be able to describe abuse using terms that adults will understand. Euphemistic names for body parts provide protection for abusers. Similarly, just calling areas “private” can cause children to feel shame and embarrassment if they are abused, like they did something wrong if they “allow” someone to touch or see those parts, which makes them more likely to be threatened by an adult and wait longer to disclose the abuse.

Children have the right to set boundaries. An authoritarian model too often denies them this right. Not only does this suppress their ability to set healthy boundaries in other relationships later in life (making them vulnerable to future abuse), it is abusive in itself. Everyone, including children, has the right to decide who touches them and when. All children have the right to privacy when bathing and changing (once they can safely do it themselves). Parenting choices which deny children this basic control over their body and personal space (whether forcing a 6 year old to kiss grandma when she comes to visit when they don’t want to, or punishing a teenager by taking their bedroom door off the hinges) are a violation of the child's rights. A child's right to body privacy and boundaries is more important than a parent's right to maintain control.

This can be challenging based on cultural beliefs and family customs of how certain people are greeted, how we celebrate or express emotion, how we engage with friendships and relationships, and in other ways, there is no doubt. However, the moment that any adult is given the authority to determine a decision about a child’s body that is different than what that child’s own choice is or would be, that adult has immediately made that child more vulnerable to sexual abuse.

The moment one adult can make that choice above the child’s own decision is the moment that someone else will use that exception to do harm, and potentially severe harm.

It is a widely held belief that it is inappropriate to interfere with the way someone else is parenting their children. It is said to be a violation of parental rights. However, if we are truly serious about bringing an end to child sexual abuse, then we need to acknowledge that a child's right to be safe from abuse and make their own decisions about their body is more important than ANY adult’s right to make decisions for that child.

Consent Starts Before Sexual Activity

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and the theme for 2019 is "I Ask". This theme champions the message that asking for consent is a healthy, normal, and necessary part of everyday interactions.

Asking for consent and respecting boundaries doesn't begin and end with sexual activity. In fact, reserving discussions about consent and boundaries only for sexual situations can make those discussions that much harder. We are living in a society where talking about sex, or talking about it in certain ways, is still taboo. Combining the lingering discomfort around sex talk with the unfamiliar habit of asking for consent can make it harder to communicate freely.

But when we think about how consent functions in our everyday interactions, we can learn how to talk about it in situations that may be less emotionally-charged than sex. We can practice our skills of asking for consent, accepting rejection gracefully, and communicating boundaries around situations that are easier to talk about.

So where does consent fit into our daily lives?

Respecting "no". One reason why so many people feel disempowered to say "no" to sexual activity they don't want is because their "no" is not respected in other situations. How often have you or someone you know insisted that a friend come along to a party or try a food or have a drink despite their protests? Have you ever been the friend getting pressured? Our language around these situations is usually something like "You need to live a little! You're no fun! You'll thank me later!" It might seem harmless, but how different is this from a perpetrator who says "You owe me" or "I know you want it"? In both situations, a person is being told that their boundaries, their wants, their needs, are not valid or important. No matter the situation, "no" means "no".

Touch and Enthusiastic Consent You've heard us mention this before at RCC, especially when it comes to children. No one is obligated to accept touch or give physical affection if they don't want to. Think about how frequently you engage in physical touch with people other than your romantic/sexual partner(s). Do you ask first? How often do you assume that someone wants to hug you because of your existing relationship and the fact that they've hugged you before? If it's not okay to assume that a partner is consenting to sex just because it's happened before, why would that be okay for other types of touch? This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to ask before every instance of physical contact with another person. It means taking the time to periodically check in with the people in your life and ask them how they feel about different kinds of touch. It means, when you first meet someone, asking them if they prefer to be greeted with a hug or a handshake.

Permission to Share In the age of social media, we share a lot about ourselves with strangers. Hopefully, most of us have weighed the risks and set boundaries for our own information and private lives that allow us to feel comfortable and safe. What we often forget to do, is ask people about what boundaries they have set. We assume that if we're okay with posting a group photo publicly, or being tagged in a check-in to a location, that the people with us are okay with it too. But this is much the same as assuming a partner will want the same sexual activities we do, without asking them. Each of us gets to decide what parts of our lives are shared on social media. Never assume that it is okay to share someone else's photo or location or story. Always ask, and always abide by that person's decision.

As Sexual Assault Awareness Month draws to a close, let's make a commitment to keep asking others what they want, what they need, and what they feel comfortable with. Ask the people in your life to do the same for you. Together, we can make asking for consent into something that comes second nature.

Learn More About the RCC Counseling Center Staff

We are proud of how the Rape Crisis Center Counseling Center continues to grow. We've added 25 weekly counseling hours, allowing us to serve more survivors of sexual violence than ever before. We are now able to offer counseling appointments 5 days a week, for people of all ages, in three languages (English, Spanish, and Farsi).

We're also able to provide support groups for adults, teens, parents of survivors, and survivors of trafficking, as well as specialized therapeutic services like weekly yoga and art therapy for survivors.

You can learn about each of our therapists, including the languages they speak and the populations they specialize in working with, below.

Dr. Kathleen Ja Sook Bergquist, LCSW, JD, PhD - Clinical Director Language(s): English Appointments: Wednesdays & Fridays Specializes in working with: Adult survivors of sexual violence & adult trafficking survivors Identifies as: Asian American

Laura Deitsch, LCPC Language(s): English Appointments: Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays Specializes in working with: LGBTQ survivors of sexual violence, teen survivors of sexual violence, trafficking survivors

Sandra Morel, LMFT Language(s): English & Spanish Appointments: Thursdays & Fridays Specializes in working with: Adult survivors of sexual violence, teen survivors of sexual violence, those close to survivors (parents, siblings, partners, caretakers)

Dawn Canty, MFT Intern Language(s): English Appointments: Mondays through Fridays Specializes in working with: Adult survivors of sexual violence, teen survivors of sexual violence, LGBTQ survivors of sexual violence. Facilitates adult survivor support groups

Ashley Martinez, CPC Intern Language(s): English Appointments: Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays Specializes in working with: Adult trafficking survivors, teen trafficking survivors Facilitates trafficking survivor support group Identifies as: Hispanic

Sherin Roofian, LMFT Language(s): English, Spanish, Farsi Appointments: Mondays & Tuesdays Specializes in working with: Adult survivors of sexual violence, teen & child survivors of sexual violence, families affected by sexual violence Identifies as: Iranian-American

Holly Shank, CPC Intern Language(s): English Appointments: Wednesdays & Fridays Specializes in working with: Adult survivors of sexual violence, LGBTQ teen survivors of sexual violence. Facilitates teen survivor support group & art therapy

Sandy Simonton, MSW, LCSW, CCTP Language(s): English Appointments: Wednesdays & Thursdays Specializes in working with: Adult survivors of sexual violence, teen survivors of sexual violence. Facilitates parents of survivors support group in English

The Lotus Anti-Trafficking Model

The Rape Crisis Center is proud to announce that we are expanding our services for survivors of sex trafficking this year using the Lotus Anti-Trafficking Model. This model comes to us from the Center for Combating Human Trafficking at Wichita State University.

“The Lotus Anti-Trafficking ModelTM is a comprehensive response model that is designed to honor the human capacity for resilience, vitality, and prosperity. Lotus™ is grounded in theory and research and can be utilized by multidisciplinary providers at all levels of practice. Lotus is copyrighted and trademarked information developed by Dr. Karen Countryman-Roswurm and staff at CCHT.

LotusTM is a framework as well as numerous prevention, intervention, and prosperity promoting curricula, activities, and tools. The Lotus ModelTM is the foundation of all programming and work at CCHT.”

-Center for Combating Human Trafficking

The Lotus Model is based on the Stages of Change Model. Originally developed by researchers Prochaska and DiClemente by observing the experiences of smokers trying to quit in the 1970s, Stages of Change is a way of understanding the decision-making process that individuals go through when making deliberate changes in their behavior. There are six stages in this model that describe different points in the process:

Precontemplation - at this stage, a person does not intend to change the behavior and may not even realize that there is a problem.

Contemplation - at this stage, a person recognizes a change is needed. They may intend to make a change soon, or still be ambivalent about changing.

Determination - at this stage the person has made the decision to move forward, believes that making a change will lead to a healthier life, and may even start taking small steps toward change.

Action - at this stage the person is taking concrete steps and changing the problematic behavior.

Maintenance - at this stage, the person has been maintaining the new behavior, intends to continue doing so, and is actively working to prevent relapse to previous stages.

Termination - at this stage, the person has no desire to return to the old behavior and are sure they will not relapse. It is rare to reach this stage, and people most often stay in the maintenance stage.

One of the reasons we are so confident in this model is that it focuses on using survivor-leadership wherever possible, making it uniquely possible to address the nuanced needs of survivors of this complex issue.

In order to make these services as accessible as possible, The Rape Crisis Center will be working to address possible barriers, including:

Transportation

Child care

Funding for educational and vocational goals

We will also provide participants with the option to earn points, or “prosperity bucks” towards incentive items when they successfully meet their goals.

The Lotus Model will begin rolling out with the first “Level Up” support group beginning at the end of this month. To learn more about this program, or to get support, call us at the office 702-385-2153.

Let Your Giving Mirror Your Values

The end of the year is the season of giving. Not only do we take the time to choose special gifts for our loved ones, many of us set aside some funds to donate to those organizations working to make the world a better place. Last month, we talked about how to articulate and express your values as a way to engage in political discussions with family. This month, as you shop for gifts and think about where to give donations at the end of 2018, take the opportunity to think about how your generosity can reflect your values.

Sometimes, we make these sort of gift-giving choices without really thinking about it. If we are making a conscious choice to make a values-statement with a gift, we usually do so in a very straightforward way, by making donations in a friend or family member's name to a cause that they support. And, just as we discussed in last month's blog post, articulating our values is often also a way to make a political statement.

If violence against women is an important issue to you, it might be reflected in your choice not to buy your niece or nephew that violent video game they asked for. Or, if you feel strongly about diverse representation in media, that might mean seeking out story books with protagonists of color for your little cousins. Those who are trying to consume less might choose experience gifts for their loved ones this year, and those who support the arts might make that experience a pack of season tickets to a local theatre company.

As we wind up the year of #MeToo, it's worth noting that making an end-of-year gift is one way to show those who have come forward to share their stories of survival that we're still listening, and still fighting for them.

Giving and receiving gifts is often very personal, and as feminists have so often said, the personal is political. With the political landscape as negative and frightening as it has been the last two years, making your personal gifts into political ones this year can be a way to envision something different. As you wrap each gift and fill out each card, you are giving the gift of a better world.

Identifying and Articulating Your Values

With the state of our current political climate, and especially following such a high-pressure mid-term election, many of us may be feeling heightened stress about facing family this holiday season. As much as we view Thanksgiving as a time for togetherness and gratitude, the holiday table is infamous for being the site of screaming matches and family feuds. In a perfect world it would be easy to check our politics at the door, declare a truce over turkey, and spend the day focusing on familial bonds. But the world isn't perfect, and for some people, these discussions are simply unavoidable.

Part of the reason we become so passionate when discussing politics is because our political views are shaped by our values. However, we rarely address our values explicitly during these talks. Instead we end up talking past each other, getting hung up on semantics, debating over evidence, or framing things merely as "opinions". Inevitably, one or more people feel like they're not being heard, or like they're being dismissed. Our frustration and hurt feelings make us lash out, and things escalate to an argument. If you're concerned about how to approach these discussions, and how to avoid escalating the situation, identifying and articulating your values may be a helpful strategy.

First, identify your values. Think about what principals or qualities are important to you. Maybe you value acceptance, empathy, and community. Or maybe freedom, individuality, and personal responsibility are most important to you. There are no right or wrong answers here.

Second, explore the why behind your values. Why is equality important to you? The why behind your values says a lot about how you view the world, and how you think the world should be. So, if community is one of your values that might be because you believe that people are stronger together than they are apart, and you might believe that people should live less individualistically and more communally.

Third, identify how your values inform your political views. Consider which candidates or policies you voted for in the mid-term; how did they align with your values? For example, did you vote for a candidate with a strong record on LGBTQ rights because equality and acceptance are part of your values?

Finally, think about how you can articulate your values explicitly in your next political discussion. If you usually focus on giving statistics or referring to history when discussing your position on a particular issue, try focusing on your values instead. Explain how the issue aligns, or doesn't, with your values and how it fits into your world view. If you feel comfortable doing so, you might even encourage and help the other person identify and express their own values in the same way.

Ideally, this strategy will take a certain amount of pressure off of the discussion. Instead of trying to persuade the other person to change their mind, your goal becomes simply to help them understand your point of view, and why you hold it. Even if it goes well, the result may be uncomfortable. It can be hard for family members who love each other to admit that they don't share the same values.

Even if others don't respond positively to this strategy, it can still be helpful. Being more aware of, and able to communicate, your own values and world view can help you feel more grounded. This might allow you more space to feel calm during heated discussions, or provide you with an additional tool for setting boundaries.

Keep Survivors In Mind In the Voting Booth

During election season, one of the metrics by which we judge our candidates, especially local candidates, is how "tough on crime" they are. But as we've been reading all through the month of October, the usual tough on crime narrative doesn't have positive implications when it comes to issues of sexual and domestic violence.

Generally, being tough on crime means supporting the way our criminal justice system currently operates, and doubling down on existing policies, like mandatory minimums and more intensive policing. But when victims are criminalized, being tough on crime can mean punishing the wrong people. Furthermore, this school of thought tends to view the traditional criminal justice process as the only way to seek accountability for crimes, posing a serious problem for survivors who are necessarily re-victimized by that process.

According to a report by the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape, survivors of sexual violence are more likely to use drugs than non-survivors, with rates of use anywhere from 3 to 10 times higher depending on the drug. It is likely that these survivors use drugs or alcohol as a way to cope with the trauma of abuse and to self-medicate PTSD. But because drug use is criminalized, they may find themselves being imprisoned for their addiction instead of receiving help and support to deal with the cause. Stricter drug sentencing, such as mandatory minimums, is a strategy to discourage drug use. But the result is that sexual violence survivors are punished for surviving in whatever way they could manage.

Even when our system isn't criminalizing survivors, pursuing justice for sexual violence can be a painful, even harmful, process. Pervasive, persistent myths about rape, victim-blaming, and slut-shaming can lead law enforcement officers to treat victims with suspicion and little compassion. And even if a police officer doesn't actively disbelieve a victim, the interrogation process needed to gather evidence can make it feel that way. In order to uncover as much evidence as possible, an official must ask questions that are both invasive and repetitive. This can make the victim feel like they are not being believed, and having to rehash the traumatic experience over and over can just cause more trauma.

A similar process is repeated in preparing to bring a case to court and ready a victim to testify. Then comes the actual testimony in court. At every step, a victim must relive one of the most horrible experiences of their life. Seeking therapy and treatment can help a victim cope with their trauma and make it easier to talk about what happened, but even this presents a problem when pursing justice the traditional way. If a victim is too calm when telling their story, they may be perceived as less credible. After all, if they were really raped and rape is so terrible, shouldn't they be more upset when talking about it? This examination of the reactions to Christine Blasey Ford's testimony breaks down these expectations around victim "credibility" in greater detail.

Ultimately, the steps required by the traditional criminal justice process are very harmful to victims, and make the pursuit of justice so much of a struggle that few have the resilience to complete it. Yet a tough on crime narrative would have us believe that the best way to reduce sexual violence is through tougher policing and sentencing.

The traditional narratives around crime and punishment just don't fit with the realities of sexual violence. As you consider your options for candidates this election season, think about their stances on crime and the criminal justice system. How might those policy positions affect victims in real life? Will they make justice more accessible and hold more perpetrators accountable? Or will they perpetuate systematic patterns of criminalization and re-traumatization of those suffering sexual trauma?

What Parents Need to Know About the CCSD Communication Policy

As a Las Vegas local, you may be aware of how frequently the Clark County School District has experienced scandals related to sexual misconduct by teachers and staff with students (more than a dozen in the 2016-2017 school year alone). Perpetrators in these cases often used texting and social media as a way to both groom their victims and to perpetrate the abuse. CCSD began working in the first half of 2017 to create new policies that would increase student safety.

The result was Policy & Regulation 4100, which was approved by the CCSD Board of Trustees last September. This regulation establishes standards for appropriate relationships and communications between students and CCSD employees, representatives, and volunteers.

As a new school year gets into full swing, now is a great time for parents and guardians to refresh themselves on the essential points of the regulation so that they know how best to help kids stay safe, and what to do if they feel a teacher or other CCSD representative behaves inappropriately.

The regulation states that relationships with students must be "honest, professional, respectful, and restricted to education-related matters or other developmentally appropriate topics". The regulation also lays out clear boundaries and rules for electronic communication, including but not limited to the following:

CCSD representatives must use only approved electronic systems to communicate with students, and within those systems, only use professional accounts tied to their CCSD email account.

CCSD representatives must not use personal email or social media to communicate with students "over whom they have direct contact, impact, or control".

CCSD representatives are permitted to send group texts to students regarding education-related matters including extra-curricular activities, but one-on-one texting between CCSD representative and students is not permitted.

Texting and personal accounts may be used to communicate with students about non-CCSD related matters like church events, but only with parent/guardian permission.

Regulation 4100 also clearly states that if a CCSD employee or volunteer knows or has reason to believe that another employee or volunteer is engaging in sexual conduct with a student, they must immediately report it to law enforcement or CPS. If such a report is made, or if a student discloses sexual conduct, CCSD employees and volunteers must not conduct any investigation of their own. This includes interviewing the student. If a parent or guardian knows or suspects inappropriate behavior with a student and CCSD representative, they should not bring the matter to school administration, but instead report directly to law enforcement.

For complete details on rules governing communications between students and CCSD employees, representative, and volunteers, you can view the regulation in full here.

For tips on how parent and guardians can support this policy and help their students stay safe, you can view this video geared towards parents of current CCSD students.

Does Self-Defense Have a Place in Rape Prevention?

The value of a "self-defense" approach to rape prevention has been recalculated more than once over the course of the women's movement. Many women have found the experience of taking a self-defense course empowering. Many well-meaning college students have conceived of inventions like color-changing nail polish in an effort to help women feel safer. In a society that socializes women to live in constant fear of sexual violence, sharing safety tips with one another is a small way to create a sense of control and safety.

The problem, of course, is that the sense of safety fostered by this "self-defense" approach is completely false. Historically, self-defense classes have perpetuated the myth that rape is committed by strangers, and teaching a woman to respond to an aggressive stranger doesn't give her the tools she needs to respond when a man she trusts is attempting to coerce her into sex she does not want. Safety tips and quirky gadgets are equally unhelpful, reinforcing the wrongheaded notion that it is the victim's responsibility to avoid rape, and fueling victim-blaming when a victim fails to adhere to every possible safety strategy. In the end, such safety tips can be boiled down to: "make sure he rapes some other girl".

But a program recently spotlighted by the New York Times is presenting strong evidence that the right approach to self-defense actually can play a productive role in rape prevention. Based on a program pioneered in Canadian universities, Flip the Script is described as "sexual assault resistance training". This 12 hour program is aimed very specifically at addressing the epidemic of men raping women on college campuses. Only those who identify as women can take this particular prevention training.

Flip the Script differs from the more traditional self-defense classes we might think of, in which a woman is taught a few physical moves and practices yelling at an imagined attacker. This program focuses on addressing the underlying cultural norms, myths, and scripts of rape culture. The training includes, among other lessons, the following messages:

The perpetrator is the only person responsible for a sexual assault

Most sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows and trusts

There are red flags leading up to sexual assault

Women are socialized to not resist sexual assault

By addressing these, and other messages, Flip the Script really is attempting to help young women in particular change their internalized scripts around sex and gender in a way that can increase their safety. By teaching women that they can never be at fault for a perpetrator's choice to assault, identifying the red flags that can lead up to sexual assault, and helping them unpack internalized messages that discourage them from rejecting unwanted sexual behavior, the training actually can equip women to protect themselves. A study of almost 900 college students at 3 different universities found that women who completed the training experienced 46 percent fewer assaults, and two-thirds fewer attempted assaults, than a control group. The positive effects were still seen two years after the training.

A program like Flip the Script, which is showing clear evidence that it can enable women to combat the grooming of both perpetrators and rape culture, is an essential piece of the prevention puzzle. Active bystander intervention programs can change overall attitudes about sex, gender, and sexual violence. But because these programs do take time to shift cultural norms, and given that fewer than 20% of sexual assaults take place with a bystander present, this strategy alone cannot end rape. Training boys and men not to commit sexual violence is another essential element of prevention. But we know after some years of study that such educational interventions are most effective with a young audience. Once boys enter high school their ideas about sex, gender, and relationships are already firmly established. That leaves a huge population of men and boys already socialized to behave in predatory ways who, again, are most likely to act without bystanders present.

Rape culture is a multi-faceted problem, and we need multiple strategies to address it. By combining Flip the Script with violence prevention education for young people and active bystander intervention training for everyone, we can attack the problem from three angles at once. This allows the positive effects of each program to overlap, narrowing or even closing the gaps that would be left open if we were using only one approach alone.

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