SHE WOULDN’T CALL IT RUNNING, WHAT SHE HAD DONE. Though some undoubtedly would. She was angry, she was hurt, she was all the things that people had told her she would be. But she was all of the ugly things they had forgotten to mention, too. She was envious——of the moments Jai was afforded during their parents’ last few months. She was useless——what good was a daughter who couldn’t braid her mother’s hair when her arms grew too weak? What good was a daughter who couldn’t bring her father tea, knowing she was the only one that made it quite right? She was guilty——of blaming her brother, in so many small ways, for something that had never been in his control. The truth was, Raveena hadn’t run away at all; she had forgotten herself in the endless days that preceded her loss, and the endless days that followed. She wouldn’t call it running. It was more like searching.
But the trouble with searching was that she had never quite figured out where to start. Days turned into months, and months into years, and still she never quite found what she was looking for. It was difficult to return to London, in part because it meant putting the work she’d done to the test, and in part because it meant forgiving herself for what she might still fail at. Even after two years, she didn’t feel quite whole. Even after two years, she wasn’t filled with forgiveness or joy or any real tangible result. Even after two years, she both longed for and feared what it would mean to be call home home again.
Though, it seemed home had done some changing of its own.
“ Hardly the way to greet your favorite little sister after two years away. ” She tries to keep the furrow in her brow for longer than the split second that it remains there, her arms folded across her chest. But she’s so glad to see him, in spite of the day’s revelations. Eyes move from her brother’s face, and she speaks directly to the toodler on his hip, a large smile spreading across her lips. “ Tell da’ that he’s very rude to auntie Veena, ” she pays him no more mind as voice dips into a coo, reaching for Padma and inviting herself in. “ Very rude indeed. ” Her luggage won’t wheel itself, but that’s the least he can do. Raveena may have been happy to see him, but that didn’t mean she was happy with him. She follows the sound of crying, and at first sight of her Parvati comes rushing to greet her, tugging on her dress. She swoops her up, making small talk with the girls until at last she hears Jai enter again, not bothering to turn as she speaks. “ I stopped in at Mungo’s. ” And then a pointed look as she rises from where she’d been sitting with the girls. “ You have some explaining to do. Over tea. ” It isn’t a question.
It seemed two years of lies, of carefully crafted letters and expertly planned visits, had come to an end. Worrying Raveena with his current state of life was the last thing he'd wanted to do. She was out exploring, having adventures, finding herself. What right did he have to unburden himself on her? To add to the plethora of emotions that already plagued her? She tried to hide her resentment, but he had felt it coming off her in waves following the death of their parents. Raveena was his baby sister, after all - he knew her better than he knew even himself. He could read her mind with just a look, he could tell her mood by her posture. She could hide behind masks, but not from him. So why did he let her leave, knowing that they needed each other than more than ever? Why did he lie to her for so long? The answer was simple: her happiness would always matter more than his own. It was his job as her big brother, but he hadn't been able to protect her from the grief that consumed them both. The least he could do was let her be happy away from him, if that's what she needed.
Something like fear and guilt coursed throughout his veins as he weakly let Raveena take her niece, as he stared at the luggage left for him to haul in. There was no way he could keep up the ruse with her here, unplanned and ill-timed. " The girls missed you, " he called out feebly. His mind worked quickly to come up with ways to convince her everything was just as she left it. Zoya was simply away on business again, he was still a healer. It would work. The suitcase had made it safely into the apartment and he felt like his chances were...somewhat acceptable. That was, until, she revealed her first stop of the day. The shock caused him to close the door harder than he intended. Jai turned slowly, speechless. What was he supposed to say? " I have black tea or a green tea blend. Do you, uh, have a preference? " he finally managed to spit out, not acknowledging the mention of his former workplace as he rushed into the kitchen and started the kettle. He really needed to work on the whole honest and straight-forward thing, but at least his lies weren't out of malice...just cowardice and a bit of care.