Mercymorn Stan

Locked Tomb side blog • collection of all my thoughts

[biomasse-comic]

fighting the problematic stereotype of 'only the bad guys are weird sex perverts' by making the good-hearted protagonist an even weirder sex pervert

[oh-jod-dammit]

Do you guys ever think about how Wake must have had awareness in the sword? How Harrow says even in GtN that she always hated that thing and felt like it was judging her, and how at the beginning of HtN it physically burns Harrow to touch it directly?

Do you think about how it didn't burn Harrow, as far as we can tell, while fighting Cytherea? As if Wake was willing to tolerate her long enough to fight a more ancient threat, someone she likely personally blamed for screwing her over as much as Mercy and Augustine did. Or perhaps, in part or full, because it wasn't only Harrow wielding it right then...

"I'm not even here, I'm basically a hallucination caused by your brain chemistry trying to absorb mine" Gideon insists, but even though Harrow does hallucinate it still was Gideon's "brain chemistry" or whatever you wanna call it, and she later remembers what she said in those moments. "Marry a moron, then die. I get the urge." But with or without that...

All I'm saying is the Wake in the River surely wouldn't have been more aware of the body and spirit outside than Abigail of all people; only Dulcie could tell it was being piloted. And the Wake possessing Cyth's body? Well, she couldn't have known they were being eavesdropped on, could she.

All I'm saying is that the sword was never anything but a source of comfort and power for Gideon. All I'm saying is that when Commander Awake Remembrance of These Valiant Dead coldly talks about how miserable her pregnancy was and how she called that thing "Bomb", she was saying that to the Necrolord Prime, and to the Lyctors she resented. It was meant to be venomous. It was meant to upset them.

I do not believe pregnancy inherently creates a sense of parental love; the mix of hormones and what society tells us it's supposed to be like contributes for many people, but not nearly everyone. I definitely think Wake's pregnancy was a purely grueling experience, and I do not think she developed any fondness or attachment for the baby that would have dared risk compromising her mission. I think she very much did divert oxygen to the "payload" on the off chance anyone else could have finished the job, now or later.

But I also think Gideon was her first thanergetic link, by blood and investment in the mission, before Gideon got old enough to be assigned a sword that Wake moved into instead. I think there must have been a reason she chose to haunt an object rather than continuing to haunt her young child. (Edit with a correction/addition by @asthedeathoflight that deserves to be in the main post here.)

(Wherein, she gets to be closer to Gideon AND have the chance to get out at all, which I do think is a big selling point given she might have otherwise been stuck there for ages. But. The only reason she'd have a thanergetic link to the sword still IS that it's Gideon's...)

And I think if she was aware enough to judge Harrow, she was aware enough to watch Gideon grow up.

I think about her watching her spitting image defy this bullshit system at every turn, growing up giving that nasty little bone witch a constant run for her money. About the times early on when Gideon straight up died, wondering if Wake could tell, if she could put two and two together and realize she'd inadvertently created an immortal weapon against the King Undying. I wonder how much she reminded Wake of Pash, and of her younger self. I wonder, assuming her consciousness was mostly limited around the sword, if she knew how often Gideon visited her niche, or about chatting up the skeletons in the field, or if she only got glimpses during training and later when Gideon would keep her sword close.

I don't think she knew most of what happened at Canaan House. I do wonder if her time at Canaan House had anything to do with John saying he couldn't sense Cytherea's body on the Mithraem, because I do believe he would have tried to discreetly deal with that sooner if he could, even though it's really weird if he actually couldn't. But I think she went into the trunk, and the next thing she knew outside was being grabbed by Camilla and Harrow. I imagine she was a little horrified by watching Gideon tell Harrow "the entire point of me is you", but I don't think she could blame her, under the circumstances, for doing anything she could to stop Cytherea and protect the people she cared about, even if her taste in one of them was bad.

I think about how she saw Gideon's eyes in Harrow's body after shooting Mercy, lowered the gun slowly, and left her alone with only a "Goodbye."

I'm not sure "love" would be the the right word, but I think, at least for much of her life, Wake must have developed some pride in Gideon. And maybe it's not the wrong word, either. Maybe, in a strange and distant and tragic and bittersweet-at-best way, Gideon's mom did on some level love her. At the very least, I'm confident Gideon's mom was proud of a lot of what she'd achieved, and had hopes for her future.

And the only meaningful glimpse of her Gideon ever got was Wake spitting at people she hated how little that baby had meant to her.

[thefleetingflashofa-sword623]

Stop getting mad at me I raise undead when im in distress

[thefleetingflashofa-sword623]

Im unveiling a new unique condition of my own soon

[lyrslair]

[re-tomb]

there is nothing wrong with Kiriona, that's just what being 19 is like

[re-tomb]

shout out to griddlehark for being my 25th post on this sideblog

[re-tomb]

She had held her breath instinctively, though she had been serene at the time; to drown, she thought, was softer death than she deserved, and back then to die in Gideon’s arms had seemed entirely correct.

Very chill and casual thing to say about someone you are very chill and casual about. I am also chill and casual about Gideon and Harrow being the center of the other's universe

[cutetanuki-chan]

something that came into my mind while I was laying with fever

without text

[re-tomb]

I may not show it but there hasn't been a day I didn't think of John Gaius

[afterthequake]

(not said in mean way, but) some of you forget that Harrow is 18 and gideon is 19 and they have no idea what normal, interpersonal relationships look like and much less romantic+sexual relationships. Them getting married (at this stage of their life) would be the worst outcome of their relationship. Hell, I think even dating each other would be very difficult bc of the trauma they've been through in the books but also bc of their past. They love each other but the only thing they've known is how to hate each other in the most emotionally hurtful way.

Gideon-Kiriona, in NtN, and presumably Harrow (wherever her soul was during NtN) only know pre HtN Harrow and Gideon. Even if they have the best intentions they'd need to spend a lot of time just to get to know each other's "new" selves.

Alecto swearing cavalier-hood to Harrow + Harrow loving her is it's own issue that needs unpacking.

[oh-jod-dammit]

I think the key to reconciling "I want them to be together and happy" and "neither of them is remotely prepared for a relationship" is that you have to throw out any semblance of "normal" about it. You cannot expect a Happily Ever After or Hollywood Romance. You have to shred the script and burn it and embrace instead what they do have going for them:

They can figure it out together.

It will be MESSY. They will hurt each other easily and often. It will not, by any immediately measurable metric, look anything like "a healthy relationship." And that doesn't have to mean it's toxic or enabling or makes them worse. It can mean that it takes an overwhelming amount of patience, dedication, and communication, but if they are both willing to put in that effort, then it has the potential to be a beautiful story of two broken people helping each other heal.

And I think that would be the best outcome. All too often we get sentiments like "you have to love yourself before you can expect other people to" or "you need to fix yourself first" with emphasis on the emotional labor it puts on one's partner to help someone through a difficult time. And that can be true! It can be a lot of work! It can strain a relationship a lot!

But sometimes the other person desperately wants to put in that effort. ("It's rotten work." "Not to me. Not if it's you" type sentiments.) Sometimes the work is mutual, and what is difficult if not impossible to do for oneself is so much easier to do for someone else, and two people carrying each other's loads makes each lighter than if they were carrying their own. Sometimes, for some people, being able to help someone they love is deeply and actively beneficial TO THEM. It may not be "ideal" to rely on external validation, but there are a lot of people who simply will not ever be able to stop feeling a need for it, and receiving it through helping someone you love especially when they're helping you in turn can be perfectly viable and sustainable.

And that's how I see Griddlehark progression, in the end. Harrow who still can't forgive herself for existing— who said if she did all the great things ever and made her life a monument to the souls she carries, of course she'd still never be worth it— coming to value Gideon so deeply that being able to love and serve and protect her and help her see value in her own life ultimately makes Harrow see value in herself, too. Gideon who has always equated usefulness and service with love finally understanding just how easy it is to die for someone, that it's so much harder to live for them, and resolving to do that from now on instead, as much as she's still able. "They had never fought together, but they had always fought" translating to other aspects of their lives. They've both changed, but they're still them at their cores, and they know how the other ticks better than anyone, and are certainly devoted enough to keep learning more, all the new things and all the things they failed to notice before.

They're not gonna ride off into the sunset to enjoy domestic bliss. But love comes in many forms, and I think they've both endured enough to be ready to put in the time and effort and patience to figure out what form might work for them.

[re-tomb]

John Gaius listened to She Wants Revenge

[re-tomb]

Nona is not an unreliable narrator. She is actually an incredibly reliable narrator, as she tells you all that is happening and correctly interprets the feelings of other characters regarding those events. She has her biases and limitations on what she knows but that's just what third person limited perspective is. Characters don't know everything and their judgment is biased

[drawerbread]

she's the worst. and a freak. i hope she gets worse in alecto

[leftbooblover]

"Where is she?"

[re-tomb]

so I don't really keep up with the news for mental health reasons but I just saw a video saying that last night r*ssia launched the largest attack. oh 😀 so that's why so many alerts about drones threats

[gideonisms]

Favorite ships I have discovered tonight thanks to tumblr user carys-the-ninth:

ianthe/pelleamena-- ultimate power move fucking your crush's mother once she rejects you

coronabeth/abigail pent--abigail could not fix her but Coronabeth would find her gentle but firm demeanor captivating. she could never truly win abigail's affection because Abigail's heart belongs to Magnus. this turns coronabeth on

Aiglamene/wake--listen sometimes you fall to the ninth almost die then get nursed back to health in secret by a grouchy milf who wants to take care of you and your kid/human sacrifice. ships that would have either fixed gideon nav or given her new problems

Gideon nav/Juno zeta--ships that would have made gideon nav worse! as well as camilla, palamedes, any combination thereof, harrow, pyrrha,

Pyrrha/we suffer--pretty much guaranteed to go canon next book I mean come on you can't say they never did

cytherea/pash--girl who speaks in cursive x girl who speaks like karkat. they understand every third word the other says and hate each other on sight. Fortunately, they're not doing a lot of speaking when they meet up,

Judith/ianthe--steal her girl!!

aiglamene/dulcinea--both supposedly doomed to die on their home world, and you can't tell me they wouldn't have found each other charming. princess dress femme x sword butch

Wake/we suffer--another one that's BASICALLY canon. Why else would we suffer have promoted pash

And finally! Dulcinea/alecto--girl who's dying x girl who's the death of the solar system what's not to like

[cheaphalloweencostume]

they should invent a gender i want to be

[lastflowerofyourhouse]

hey what if i thought too hard about mercymorn's acid jail speech and got sad.

i hate you all. i have hated you for a millenia. except you, my lord. i merely want to put you in a jail, and fill up the jail with acid. she's hurt and she's angry and she's not totally honest about the reasons why, because she's not stupid, but. she merely wants to put him in a jail. she wants to hurt him, she wants to punish him, she wants him to suffer and she wants him to learn from it. she wants him to understand her rage and pain she wants him to comprehend the harm he's done. and then she wants him to apologize, to forgive her, to be a better person. she wants to punish him once for a very very long time and then she wants to be able to move on with a better kinder john who knows that he was wrong. and i would say, "that is why i did it, lord. i did it for you, and for your empire." i often think about this. she spends time actively fantasizing about john learning from his fucking mistakes and commiting to being a better person. she fantasizes about melting him a few thousand times first, because she's so fucking angry and she needs him to hurt, but she doesn't want to kill him. she never really wanted to kill him. all she wanted. all she wanted was for him to give her a reason to forgive him. she makes me insane.