[dougwalkerofficial]

In An Unknown Wasteland

*A Solid Steel Door Creaks Open Breaking The Long Silence That Fell Upon The Deserted Wastes Of A Land Long Forgotten. A Thin Humanoid Figure Slowly But Surely Shambles Out Of The Shadows. The Glow Of The Sun Pierces It’s Sight For A Moment As It Readjusts To Natural Light. It Looks For Something. Someone. Suddenly, It Speaks Out.*

What Fucking Year Is It

[dougwalkerofficial]

*I Trip On A Pile Of Bones Into A Weathered Copy Of The Pokemon Movie* This Place Fucking Sucks. I Remember……. uh….. I Remember…… uhhh I Don’t Remember…..

[dougwalkerofficial]

*A Rusted Stop Sign Falls On My Head* Fuck!!!!!! *I Start Shooting My Badass Reviewer Gun At A Tattered Billboard With An Ad For Disney’s Live Action Frozen On It* Wait… I Remember….. I Remember It… I Was Going To Review This Stupid Piece Of Freaking Crap!!!!!! *I Sit At My Table In My Perfectly Preserved Badass Channel Awesome Studio* Where Were We…. 

Oh Thats Right! I Remember It So You Don’t Have To!

[theonion]

JFK did not kill himself. He was murdered. The truth is coming for us all. theonion.info

[realpeoplefacts]

It's jared raabs first summer

[ryangoslingofficial-deactivated]

Donald Fagen Was Killed By A Gorilla

[ryangoslingofficial-deactivated]

Donald Fagen of Steely Dan was killed by a gorilla last Wednesday. He was hollering and “"havin’ a cow” over the railing looking at Fat Linus’ gorilla hooters. Funeral was held in the gorilla exhibit while Third World Man played on an hacked Buck Bumble cartridge in a modified N64 connected to a projector that electrocuted 10 people to death later that evening.

[coughloop]

Timothy Chalamet passed away last night after choking on a single frozen unchewed green pea. Family members confirmed his passing in a statement to the media "it's how he liked to eat them"

[realpeoplefacts]

Outkast reunion outside Les Quatre Temps cut short by an unspecified number of photographers trying to make a quick buck taking polaroids of tourist couples. The iconic hip-hop duo reportedly "took off running, employing techniques to overcome obstacles in their path that are rarely seen outside circuses or action flicks" and the crowd of "deeply upset personally offended frenchmen fueled by spite only years of misinformed questions and petty jokes can cause" was likened to a "never-ending human avalanche" as pedestrians leaped out of the way, desperate to avoid more intimate interactions with the infamous sludge residing in the cracks of the long and winding cobblestone roads

[realpeoplefacts]

A mortified stephen stills was recently spotted trying out frilly aprons in the kitchen utensils store shortly after yelling at employee tasked with explaining to him that the classic bbq leather ones have been out of stock since that levon guy and his pals last paid a visit. An anonymous witness describes his final choice as "something pink with blue dots and frills everywhere." It appears that the explanation offered was "it was the only one that fit, alright!?"

[realpeoplefacts]

Madonna finally reveals her true name after years of soul searching - the key to understanding herself was in excessive sauna usage in an alpine wooden cabin. "For years I've been trying to figure out who i really am" she explains, as tears cling to her perfectly done eyelashes. "Growing up as a kid in the 90s, there was a lot of good tv shows around . I have always been into unconventional things, like Lynch. I loved Eraserhead. " Sighing wistfully, the icon recalls her favorite characters and moments from the show that set a high standard rarely reached by other programs present day. "It was so awful when they were mean to Andy...he was so cute. But my biggest inspiration to this day is Donna." Following a lengthy summary of the plot twists and major events in Twin Peaks, the glamorous musician announced her new touring dates...all under the name Donna Hayward.

[realpeoplefacts]

Jarvis cocker shares his love of avocados in recent interview. "It's just a little something to take the edge of the gray november mornings." The britpop icon appeared deeply intrigued by the markings in the wooden table in front of him, his sharp gaze seemingly fixed on a distant spot between my assistants notepad and the left table corner with the ketchup stains. He spoke with the cadence of a charming lady you give your seat up for on the subway on the busiest of days as he told us of his mango related tuesday afternoon routines.

[realpeoplefacts]

David byrne, famous for his work with "the talking head" thanks the NY plumber society in recent interview, stating that "if it wasn't for the long obligatory explorations of the sewers included in the introductory course in plumbing i took in the late 70s i might never have been taught the true value of my ability to "Remain in Light" like i do present day." The musician also cites a specific encounter with a lost rat under the third sewer well on 2nd Avenue as "deeply inspiring" and sends "Roddy" his best wishes and love.

[realpeoplefacts]

John lennon spotted in northeast lithuania 10/6/2027