There was no one who knew her like Shane did, and Marissa liked to think that that sentiment was reciprocated the other way around too. It was impossible, after everything that they had both been through, that they weren’t each other’s deepest, darkest secret holders. Hayden was a close second when it came to knowing Marissa. But, even he didn’t know how her mind worked the way Shane did. It was why, even though this fucking hurt, neither of them was willing to lose one another. That kind of mutual understanding and growth was really a once in a lifetime sort. It wasn’t worth throwing away because of someone else.
“I’m always right,” she joked with a smirk and raised brow before dropping her expression back down to a soft frown as she saw that tint to Shane’s eyes. “Stop,” Riss said softly yet firmly. “Stop beating yourself up for things that haven’t even happened yet, Shane…” She sighed a little before closing the gap between them just a little bit, not wanting to speak quite as loud as she knew Shane would hate for any prying ears to eavesdrop this conversation. “I know all the shit you’ve done, don’t I? More or less, anyway… Hell, I walked in on you getting arrested and taken away by the cops, and sure we had a messy as fuck relationship for the last five years but that’s because of Delilah, not you. What I’m tryin’ to say, is– I know all this shit about you, Shane, and I still love you. Your diagnosis doesn’t change any of my feelings about you, and it never has…” She smiled sadly, brows furrowing. “The only thing I can see happening from you opening up to Meredith and telling her is that she’ll get a better understanding of– who you are, and why it’s all been so messy up until now… And fucking hell, if she turns around and the worst happens and she can’t take it then I will not hesitate to drag her ass down the street by her hair for you, because fuck that,” she chuckled in attempt to lighten the mood. “But, I really can’t see that happening. Don’t hide who you are, Shane… I love you for every bad decision, every fucked up twist and turn of our story and for your BPD… And she will too.”.
As much as she wanted to deny it, Marissa was the one person who knew her the best. She knew of all the bad things she had done and the good. She knew how she liked to eat and her work out routines and how problematic both of those things were to her health. She’s been there when she was sober and fresh out of rehab and also what she was drowning in a sea of her vices. Even after all these years, Marissa was the closest thing to a best friend that she had.
Of course, she wanted to get to that level with Meredith but it was going to take time. There were a lot of skeletons in her closet. She wouldn’t be surprised if it was too much for her. But there was still hope that it wouldn’t be. After all, their whole relationship, they never judged each other. She hoped that would continue even after she makes her confession. Marissa moved closer and spoke honestly. Those three words still took all the wind out of her every time she heard them. It was still gut wrenching to know that Marissa loved her and Shane couldn’t reciprocate that love that she once felt. Sure, she loved her as a person. But she was in love with someone else. She didn’t know what to say. Because she wanted to believe that Marissa was right. That Meredith wouldn’t care and it will only help them build a stronger relationship. Shane was tired of feeling like a burden, but maybe if she told Meredith about her mental health, maybe she wouldn’t feel that way anymore. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “I’ll tell her... I just, I hope you’re right.” She finally looked back up a Marissa. “Thank you... for caring for me and stuff. Believe it or not, you’re- you’re probably my best friend, Rissa, even if you are a bitch a lot of the time.”
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