And he did. Made her forget for a moment about the man who had abandoned her with an apparent ease Bryce could for the life of him not comprehend. But at the same time he was reminded of how perfectly she fit into his embrace, how soft her skin felt beneath his fingertips, how her eyes let him see straight into her soul. They had used to do this back in the first few months of their internship. It had started out as a casual thing, more of a friends with benefits arrangement than anything remotely serious. Bryce had never done serious before, he loved his freedom too much. And Casey… She had already had her eyes on someone else then.
He hadn’t known about Ethan. Or that he himself had merely been a fun distraction from her pining. And while she had slowly drifted into the arms of another, he had foolishly found himself longing for more. They had still hung out as friends, but rarely alone, and at some point she had stopped pulling him into supply closets or the on-call room with that mischievous twinkle in her eye that had made him go weak in the knees. And Bryce had told himself to move on, to accept that he would never be her first choice. Until Ethan left.
That one drunken night turned into a regular thing. With or without alcohol. But far from the easy hook-ups they had used to share. More than once he has found himself wiping sudden tears from her cheeks when she was splayed out beneath him, holding her tight through nightmares, pulling away when she seemed overwhelmed only to drown in her desperate kisses moments later. Her heartbreak was like a wound that kept ripping open. So he patiently sewed it back up over and over again. He listened to her for hours, made sure she ate proper food, marathoned her favourite TV shows with her — anything to make her feel better again.
But while Casey has been healing a little more each day, Bryce has been plagued with fear and doubt, wondering what this all means to her. What he means to her. All those nights she’s been spending at his apartment, all those deep conversations and light banter. When she looks at him, does she still think of Ethan? When she kisses him, is she still just trying to distract herself? When they’re tangled in his sheets, does she still wish he was someone else?
His pondering hasn’t gone unnoticed by Casey. She’s seen him getting lost in her gaze for a little too long and abruptly tearing himself away with a nervous smile. He’s been trying so hard not to fall for her again, when in reality he has never stopped being utterly enchanted by everything she says and does. But he doesn’t dare be naive enough to believe she might be feeling this, too. Doesn’t dare bring any of this up in conversation because what on earth would he do if she panicked and ended this strange arrangement of theirs? So he’s stayed quiet for these past two months, trying to soak up every ounce of her and praying that he would never let a dangerous confession slip from his lips.
“Hey, earth to Bryce.”
His head snaps up.
“Huh?”
“I asked if you’d like to come over tonight. Everyone else is out, so I was thinking I could make my famous nachos and we could finally watch ‘Knives Out’.”
“So what you’re saying is, you wanna stare Chris Evans’ face for two hours,” he smirks and pops a feta cube into his mouth.
“Yeah right, cause you never caught a glimpse at Captain America’s ass when we watched all those Marvel movies.”
“The man’s working hard for that ass, it deserves some appreciation.”
Casey lets out a laugh, unconsciously leaning forward on her elbows. Suddenly there’s this look on her face. The one she sometimes has right before she kisses him. Bryce feels the blood rise to his cheeks. She wouldn’t, right? Not here, in broad daylight, where everyone could see. Yet he moves towards her in slow motion, completely hypnotised. Her lips part slightly and the small sign of surrender makes his pulse race.
“How are you guys eating salads, it’s pizza Tuesday!”
They both jump as Elijah sets his tray down between theirs at the head of the table.
“We… uh— I had pizza last night,” Bryce mumbles, still dazed.
“Why would you get regular pizza a day before pizza Tuesday? Pfft.”
Bryce clears his throat.
“You’re right, I’m gonna go get a slice.”
He scrambles to his feet, his face burning as he avoids Casey’s gaze.
“My man!” Elijah grins.
As he once again joins the queue at the counter, Bryce glances back over at the two of them, now engaged in light conversation. What on earth just happened there? If Elijah hadn’t interrupted, would she really have kissed him in public? His head is reeling. God, does she actually want him? Has he stopped being the placeholder, the rebound, whatever he’s been considering himself? Casey looks over at him and there’s something in her eyes that makes his heart stop. They have to talk. Now. He doesn’t care anymore if he’s reading the signs wrong, if she ends this. He’d rather risk losing her than keep playing this exhausting game of never knowing.
“Hey, pal, you’re up next.”
Bryce startles and almost bumps into the guy in line behind him.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry, you go ahead.”
He turns to their table again, determined to walk over there and ask Casey for a moment alone, when Elijah points at something near the entrance. She follows his finger and her face goes ashen, salad fork frozen mid-air. A cold shiver runs down Bryce’s spine. He knows what’s happening before he gathers the courage to look up.
Ethan Ramsey is walking towards her, tan and bearded, more handsome than ever. He suddenly feels ridiculously small in the older doctor’s presence. His gaze flicks back to Casey, who is now blushing profusely with her eyes glued to the attending. Bryce’s ears and mouth are filled with cotton, he can’t breathe. Here he is, on his way to the woman who’s been holding his heart for so long, stupidly convincing himself that she might actually feel the same. And there she is, falling apart at the sight of the man she has not expected to ever see again. How could he ever compete with him?
Ethan greets both Casey and Elijah as he reaches the table, but immediately focuses his attention on her. She fiddles with her fingers, biting her lip as she stares up at him. Bryce feels his stomach sink. She’s still infatuated with him. What impeccable timing. He should thank Ethan for saving him the embarrassment of being rejected by her. His vision is swimming with tears as he practically jogs towards the exit. It’s all been nothing but a hopeless, beautiful dream and he should have known better than to open his heart to her again.
Luckily, his shift is over. He only stayed to have lunch with Casey. And what a lunch that has been. His jaw clenches painfully as he changes out of his scrubs and sprints down the staircase, just in case they’re already taking the elevator up. To be alone in Ethan’s office. To talk things over and then… Shit. Bryce wipes fresh hot tears from his face. The thought of Ethan being close to her again makes him nauseous. That idiot doesn’t deserve her, not after what he’s done. Getting her hopes up, toying with her emotions, only to leave the country for two months without a word.
Bryce inhales deeply as he steps out into the sun and before he knows what he’s doing, he starts running. Past his bike, past the subway station. Pushes himself until his legs are shaking and his mouth tastes like metal. He’s completely drained when he reaches his apartment an hour later. But at least the exercise put his racing mind to rest for a while. He immediately steps into she shower to wash this god-awful day from his skin. Leaning back against the wall he curses himself, the words drowned out by the steady stream of scalding water.
When he finally steps out of the bathroom he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s restless, wandering around the apartment, randomly cleaning and rearranging things. He opens the fridge every five minutes but can’t even think about eating. Eventually, he just lies down on the couch, trying to let the exhaustion from his long shift and the run pull him into blissful oblivion. But his brain doesn’t show him mercy. The image of her staring up at Ethan is burned into his retinas and every time he closes his eyes it flashes in neon colours.
After a while he drags himself up to check his medicine cabinet for something to put him to sleep. Then he remember that his sheets probably still smell of her. With a lump in his throat he goes to change them as he’s startled by the doorbell. He goes still. The bell rings again, longer this time. He hesitantly shuffles over to the intercom.
“Hello?”
“Hi, it’s me.”
He gasps softly. What on earth is she doing here?
“Can you let me up, please?”
Seconds pass as his fingers hover over the buzzer. He should send her away, he can’t face her right now. But who is he kidding, he could never do that.
“Bryce?”
He swallows thickly, then presses the button.
Moments later she knocks on his door. Bryce hasn’t bothered to check his appearance in the mirror. He knows he looks awful. But he’s surprised to find Casey not looking well either. She’s pale, tired, worry etched into her features.
“Hey,” she mumbles. “Are you okay? You left so suddenly.”
“Yeah, I—” He runs a hand through his messy hair, fiercely avoiding her searching eyes. “I couldn’t— I just…”
“It’s okay. Talk to me.”
Bryce chews on his bottom lip as his fingers clutch tightly around the door handle. He should probably invite her in. This is not the kind of conversation you should be having in the doorway. But he can’t bring himself to allow her into his space. Keeping her at arm’s length is all he has left right now.
“I’m happy for you, Case.”
“What?”
She sounds utterly confused.
“That Ramsey is back. That you guys can give it another go. I know you’ve been missing him, so I’m glad that…” His voice trails off. “I just… I think we should keep a little distance for now. For a while. I wouldn’t want to interfere and—”
“What are you saying?”
He finally lifts his eyes and like so many times before melts at the sight of her. Fuck, he’s never wanted anyone so much.
“You know what I’m saying,” he whispers. “God, Casey. You must know.”
Silence falls over them. The building has never been so quiet. It’s like the entire universe is holding its breath to await her response.
“Lahela, for such a smart person you can be incredibly stupid.”
“What?”
His head is spinning, his brain frantically trying to piece together the meaning of her words.
She steps a little closer and he automatically draws back. Casey’s features soften a little.
“He invited me up to his office,” she whispers. “We talked for a while. He said he’s been missing me. That he’s changed his mind and wants to give us a chance.”
Bryce feels his bottom lip quiver and bites down hard. He shakes his head as he takes another step back.
“I don’t want to know that.”
“But you need to,” she insists. “Because I told him that while I will always like and admire him… I’m not in love with him anymore. Maybe I never really was. I mean, if I had been, surely I couldn’t have fallen for someone else so quickly, right? I guess… it was more of an infatuation. I’ve always been amazed by his genius, long before I came to Edenbrook, and when he took me under his wing and actually let me get closer to him… I built this whole fantasy without ever questioning if that’s what I really want. But I know now.”
He’s staring at her like a deer in headlights.
“Bryce.”
The way she says his name reverberates through his entire body and he has no idea what’s happening anymore.
“I don’t want to push you. I’ve been trying to hold back these past few weeks even when I knew that something’s changed for me. There was a reason I went to Donahue’s with you that night, you know? You were the only person I wanted in that moment. And you’ve been so fucking amazing since.” She rubs her hands on her jeans, riddled with a nervousness he’s never seen in her. “But you’ve always pulled away when we got too close. And you’ve always been the casual type, so I didn’t want to assume that things were different this time but…”
Bryce feels like his heart might explode when the realisation finally clicks into place.
“You… You want to be… with me?”
She gives him a tiny smile.
“Why do you make it sound like that’s so hard to believe? You’re incredible.”
His voice breaks as he chokes out a laugh.
“Because we’ve been down this road before and if I’m so incredible, why didn’t you want me then? I was crazy about you, Case, and you just wanted to be friends.”
“What? I… I had no idea—”
“No, because you were busy running after Ramsey. So you just tossed me aside. And who tells me you won’t do that again once the next hotshot comes along?”
“That’s not fair.”
“No, none of this is fair, Casey!”
They’re both shaking. Bryce buries a hand in his hair, breathing hard.
“Fuck, I’m just so scared,” he mumbles. “When I saw you with him today, I— Shit, I’ve been going insane all afternoon. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and the thought of losing you again, it’s…”
She’s still standing there, in his doorway, suspended between possibilities.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “That I didn’t realise what we had then. Maybe I didn’t want to admit to myself how much you already meant to me because I thought you wanted to keep things easy between us. But I don’t want easy anymore. I want you. Only you.”
It’s like a dam breaks inside him and before he understands what he’s doing he crosses the distance between them to cup her face and kiss her with everything he has. Casey is in shock for a moment, but then her arms circle his waist, pulling him closer with a soft moan, as she fiercely returns his passion. An eternity seems to pass before they come up for air. He draws back to look at her, dizzy from their kiss. They’re both quiet for a moment, with only their heavy breathing filling the space between them.
“Will you finally let me in now?”
There’s a sparkle in her eyes, but her question hangs in the air for a moment as they both realise that it means so much more than Casey entering his apartment. A warm smile forms on his lips.
“Yes.” He gently pulls her over the threshold. “Yes, I will.”
turnnoffyourmind
origamiaround
gummygunk
izzy806
ellievsbear
andulkaphoto
