whipped for pixelated idiots

funny stuff. fan art. the occasional fic when my muses straight up tackle me.

[rebel-alpaca]

I missed you rebel alpaca ♥️

Aww, thanks, love! ❤️ Sorry I’m not around much anymore, lots of other stuff going on at the moment 🙈

[naramdil]

cant believe the back of my hand isnt being absentmindedly caressed by the love of my life right now .. can I talk to the manager

[tabithahallows]

us Austen fans are always like *wistful sigh* where's my Mr Darcy? But you wanna know where the fuck he is????? You wanNA FUCKING KNOW? he's at home. avoiding all social situations, watching gossip girl with Georgiana and probably still recovering that time two weeks ago when the cashier said 'have a nice day' and he said 'no I'm fine thanks'. Where else would he fucking be?

[greenbergsays]

How does reading about the same two fuckers falling in love over and over again make a person so goddamn happy.

[stormbends]

#WILL THEY KISS?#of course they’re going to kiss#YEAH BUT WILL THEY KISS?????????

[rebel-alpaca]

Zaid: I think Ines is secretly poisoning me.

Baz: Why???

Zaid: Whenever I see her, my heart rate picks up and I start to sweat.

Baz: That’s— She’s not poisoning you, that means you like her.

Zaid:

Zaid: That bitch.

[rebel-alpaca]

Plotwise it may be a shitshow, but TNA has taken the quality of smut to unholy levels I had not dared dream of. If nothing else, this book has unlocked a door that Pixelberry better not close because this bitch would very much like to see this little trend continue for every single future book, thank you very kindly.

[rebel-alpaca]

[letitrainathousandflames-archive]

Someone: oh there’s this show I’m watching… oh, nevermind, it’s silly you probably don’t wanna hear about it

Me, knowing fully well how much it sucks to have your passions invalidated and how cool it is to rant about something you love:

[rebel-alpaca]

“We’ll be okay... We’ll make it work.”

Ethan x MC – Open Heart

[rebel-alpaca]

Please write angsty Bryce more often 😍 it was amazing

Aww, thank you! <3 If I ever get struck by another idea, I just might ;)

[rebel-alpaca]

Bryce x MC - I Don’t Want Easy

So, we all know this girl loves Ethan Ramsey, but I’ve always had a huuuge soft spot for Bryce. This idea has been bumping around in my brain for a while and I just had to get it onto the page. So here you go, folks! Hope you enjoy :)

Fandom: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x MC (Casey Valentine)

Rating: T

Warnings: angst, swearing, slightly NSFW if you squint

Word Count: ~2840 (the poor boy had to process a lot of stuff, okay?)

“Hey, how did the shattered knee go?” Bryce looks up smiling as Casey sits down across from him in the cafeteria, her warm eyes focused on his. His stomach flutters and not just because he’s starving after the four-hour long surgery he has just come out of. “It was incredible,” he swoons. “I feel like I’ve learned more during these past couple hours than over my entire first year. Dr. Samuels is amazing to watch.” “Sounds like someone’s got a crush on the new attending.” “What? No!” “Relax, Lahela. Just teasing.” Casey grins as she picks the olives from his salad with her fork. Bryce does the same with her jalapeños. He loves the easy casualness that’s been flowing between them lately. And he loves that Casey is finally smiling again. Really smiling, not just forcing up the corners of her mouth in a weak attempt to hide her inner turmoil. She was a mess when Ethan Ramsey left for the Amazon to fight a pandemic or whatever strange story he had come up with. That night, after too much vodka at Donahue’s, Casey told him everything that had happened with her mentor behind closed doors. How much pain he had caused her, how tired she was of fighting for him. Leaning into Bryce a little more with each shot, each bout of sobbing. Hours later they stumbled into his apartment, lips fused, limbs tangled. Although she didn’t say it, he could read it in her eyes: Make me forget.

And he did. Made her forget for a moment about the man who had abandoned her with an apparent ease Bryce could for the life of him not comprehend. But at the same time he was reminded of how perfectly she fit into his embrace, how soft her skin felt beneath his fingertips, how her eyes let him see straight into her soul. They had used to do this back in the first few months of their internship. It had started out as a casual thing, more of a friends with benefits arrangement than anything remotely serious. Bryce had never done serious before, he loved his freedom too much. And Casey… She had already had her eyes on someone else then. He hadn’t known about Ethan. Or that he himself had merely been a fun distraction from her pining. And while she had slowly drifted into the arms of another, he had foolishly found himself longing for more. They had still hung out as friends, but rarely alone, and at some point she had stopped pulling him into supply closets or the on-call room with that mischievous twinkle in her eye that had made him go weak in the knees. And Bryce had told himself to move on, to accept that he would never be her first choice. Until Ethan left. That one drunken night turned into a regular thing. With or without alcohol. But far from the easy hook-ups they had used to share. More than once he has found himself wiping sudden tears from her cheeks when she was splayed out beneath him, holding her tight through nightmares, pulling away when she seemed overwhelmed only to drown in her desperate kisses moments later. Her heartbreak was like a wound that kept ripping open. So he patiently sewed it back up over and over again. He listened to her for hours, made sure she ate proper food, marathoned her favourite TV shows with her — anything to make her feel better again. But while Casey has been healing a little more each day, Bryce has been plagued with fear and doubt, wondering what this all means to her. What he means to her. All those nights she’s been spending at his apartment, all those deep conversations and light banter. When she looks at him, does she still think of Ethan? When she kisses him, is she still just trying to distract herself? When they’re tangled in his sheets, does she still wish he was someone else? His pondering hasn’t gone unnoticed by Casey. She’s seen him getting lost in her gaze for a little too long and abruptly tearing himself away with a nervous smile. He’s been trying so hard not to fall for her again, when in reality he has never stopped being utterly enchanted by everything she says and does. But he doesn’t dare be naive enough to believe she might be feeling this, too. Doesn’t dare bring any of this up in conversation because what on earth would he do if she panicked and ended this strange arrangement of theirs? So he’s stayed quiet for these past two months, trying to soak up every ounce of her and praying that he would never let a dangerous confession slip from his lips. “Hey, earth to Bryce.” His head snaps up. “Huh?” “I asked if you’d like to come over tonight. Everyone else is out, so I was thinking I could make my famous nachos and we could finally watch ‘Knives Out’.” “So what you’re saying is, you wanna stare Chris Evans’ face for two hours,” he smirks and pops a feta cube into his mouth. “Yeah right, cause you never caught a glimpse at Captain America’s ass when we watched all those Marvel movies.” “The man’s working hard for that ass, it deserves some appreciation.” Casey lets out a laugh, unconsciously leaning forward on her elbows. Suddenly there’s this look on her face. The one she sometimes has right before she kisses him. Bryce feels the blood rise to his cheeks. She wouldn’t, right? Not here, in broad daylight, where everyone could see. Yet he moves towards her in slow motion, completely hypnotised. Her lips part slightly and the small sign of surrender makes his pulse race. “How are you guys eating salads, it’s pizza Tuesday!” They both jump as Elijah sets his tray down between theirs at the head of the table. “We… uh— I had pizza last night,” Bryce mumbles, still dazed. “Why would you get regular pizza a day before pizza Tuesday? Pfft.” Bryce clears his throat. “You’re right, I’m gonna go get a slice.” He scrambles to his feet, his face burning as he avoids Casey’s gaze. “My man!” Elijah grins. As he once again joins the queue at the counter, Bryce glances back over at the two of them, now engaged in light conversation. What on earth just happened there? If Elijah hadn’t interrupted, would she really have kissed him in public? His head is reeling. God, does she actually want him? Has he stopped being the placeholder, the rebound, whatever he’s been considering himself? Casey looks over at him and there’s something in her eyes that makes his heart stop. They have to talk. Now. He doesn’t care anymore if he’s reading the signs wrong, if she ends this. He’d rather risk losing her than keep playing this exhausting game of never knowing. “Hey, pal, you’re up next.” Bryce startles and almost bumps into the guy in line behind him. “Oh, yeah. Sorry, you go ahead.” He turns to their table again, determined to walk over there and ask Casey for a moment alone, when Elijah points at something near the entrance. She follows his finger and her face goes ashen, salad fork frozen mid-air. A cold shiver runs down Bryce’s spine. He knows what’s happening before he gathers the courage to look up. Ethan Ramsey is walking towards her, tan and bearded, more handsome than ever. He suddenly feels ridiculously small in the older doctor’s presence. His gaze flicks back to Casey, who is now blushing profusely with her eyes glued to the attending. Bryce’s ears and mouth are filled with cotton, he can’t breathe. Here he is, on his way to the woman who’s been holding his heart for so long, stupidly convincing himself that she might actually feel the same. And there she is, falling apart at the sight of the man she has not expected to ever see again. How could he ever compete with him? Ethan greets both Casey and Elijah as he reaches the table, but immediately focuses his attention on her. She fiddles with her fingers, biting her lip as she stares up at him. Bryce feels his stomach sink. She’s still infatuated with him. What impeccable timing. He should thank Ethan for saving him the embarrassment of being rejected by her. His vision is swimming with tears as he practically jogs towards the exit. It’s all been nothing but a hopeless, beautiful dream and he should have known better than to open his heart to her again. Luckily, his shift is over. He only stayed to have lunch with Casey. And what a lunch that has been. His jaw clenches painfully as he changes out of his scrubs and sprints down the staircase, just in case they’re already taking the elevator up. To be alone in Ethan’s office. To talk things over and then… Shit. Bryce wipes fresh hot tears from his face. The thought of Ethan being close to her again makes him nauseous. That idiot doesn’t deserve her, not after what he’s done. Getting her hopes up, toying with her emotions, only to leave the country for two months without a word. Bryce inhales deeply as he steps out into the sun and before he knows what he’s doing, he starts running. Past his bike, past the subway station. Pushes himself until his legs are shaking and his mouth tastes like metal. He’s completely drained when he reaches his apartment an hour later. But at least the exercise put his racing mind to rest for a while. He immediately steps into she shower to wash this god-awful day from his skin. Leaning back against the wall he curses himself, the words drowned out by the steady stream of scalding water. When he finally steps out of the bathroom he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s restless, wandering around the apartment, randomly cleaning and rearranging things. He opens the fridge every five minutes but can’t even think about eating. Eventually, he just lies down on the couch, trying to let the exhaustion from his long shift and the run pull him into blissful oblivion. But his brain doesn’t show him mercy. The image of her staring up at Ethan is burned into his retinas and every time he closes his eyes it flashes in neon colours. After a while he drags himself up to check his medicine cabinet for something to put him to sleep. Then he remember that his sheets probably still smell of her. With a lump in his throat he goes to change them as he’s startled by the doorbell. He goes still. The bell rings again, longer this time. He hesitantly shuffles over to the intercom. “Hello?” “Hi, it’s me.” He gasps softly. What on earth is she doing here? “Can you let me up, please?” Seconds pass as his fingers hover over the buzzer. He should send her away, he can’t face her right now. But who is he kidding, he could never do that. “Bryce?” He swallows thickly, then presses the button. Moments later she knocks on his door. Bryce hasn’t bothered to check his appearance in the mirror. He knows he looks awful. But he’s surprised to find Casey not looking well either. She’s pale, tired, worry etched into her features. “Hey,” she mumbles. “Are you okay? You left so suddenly.” “Yeah, I—” He runs a hand through his messy hair, fiercely avoiding her searching eyes. “I couldn’t— I just…” “It’s okay. Talk to me.” Bryce chews on his bottom lip as his fingers clutch tightly around the door handle. He should probably invite her in. This is not the kind of conversation you should be having in the doorway. But he can’t bring himself to allow her into his space. Keeping her at arm’s length is all he has left right now. “I’m happy for you, Case.” “What?” She sounds utterly confused. “That Ramsey is back. That you guys can give it another go. I know you’ve been missing him, so I’m glad that…” His voice trails off. “I just… I think we should keep a little distance for now. For a while. I wouldn’t want to interfere and—” “What are you saying?” He finally lifts his eyes and like so many times before melts at the sight of her. Fuck, he’s never wanted anyone so much. “You know what I’m saying,” he whispers. “God, Casey. You must know.” Silence falls over them. The building has never been so quiet. It’s like the entire universe is holding its breath to await her response. “Lahela, for such a smart person you can be incredibly stupid.” “What?” His head is spinning, his brain frantically trying to piece together the meaning of her words. She steps a little closer and he automatically draws back. Casey’s features soften a little. “He invited me up to his office,” she whispers. “We talked for a while. He said he’s been missing me. That he’s changed his mind and wants to give us a chance.” Bryce feels his bottom lip quiver and bites down hard. He shakes his head as he takes another step back. “I don’t want to know that.” “But you need to,” she insists. “Because I told him that while I will always like and admire him… I’m not in love with him anymore. Maybe I never really was. I mean, if I had been, surely I couldn’t have fallen for someone else so quickly, right? I guess… it was more of an infatuation. I’ve always been amazed by his genius, long before I came to Edenbrook, and when he took me under his wing and actually let me get closer to him… I built this whole fantasy without ever questioning if that’s what I really want. But I know now.” He’s staring at her like a deer in headlights. “Bryce.” The way she says his name reverberates through his entire body and he has no idea what’s happening anymore. “I don’t want to push you. I’ve been trying to hold back these past few weeks even when I knew that something’s changed for me. There was a reason I went to Donahue’s with you that night, you know? You were the only person I wanted in that moment. And you’ve been so fucking amazing since.” She rubs her hands on her jeans, riddled with a nervousness he’s never seen in her. “But you’ve always pulled away when we got too close. And you’ve always been the casual type, so I didn’t want to assume that things were different this time but…” Bryce feels like his heart might explode when the realisation finally clicks into place. “You… You want to be… with me?” She gives him a tiny smile. “Why do you make it sound like that’s so hard to believe? You’re incredible.” His voice breaks as he chokes out a laugh. “Because we’ve been down this road before and if I’m so incredible, why didn’t you want me then? I was crazy about you, Case, and you just wanted to be friends.” “What? I… I had no idea—” “No, because you were busy running after Ramsey. So you just tossed me aside. And who tells me you won’t do that again once the next hotshot comes along?” “That’s not fair.” “No, none of this is fair, Casey!” They’re both shaking. Bryce buries a hand in his hair, breathing hard. “Fuck, I’m just so scared,” he mumbles. “When I saw you with him today, I— Shit, I’ve been going insane all afternoon. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and the thought of losing you again, it’s…” She’s still standing there, in his doorway, suspended between possibilities. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “That I didn’t realise what we had then. Maybe I didn’t want to admit to myself how much you already meant to me because I thought you wanted to keep things easy between us. But I don’t want easy anymore. I want you. Only you.” It’s like a dam breaks inside him and before he understands what he’s doing he crosses the distance between them to cup her face and kiss her with everything he has. Casey is in shock for a moment, but then her arms circle his waist, pulling him closer with a soft moan, as she fiercely returns his passion. An eternity seems to pass before they come up for air. He draws back to look at her, dizzy from their kiss. They’re both quiet for a moment, with only their heavy breathing filling the space between them. “Will you finally let me in now?” There’s a sparkle in her eyes, but her question hangs in the air for a moment as they both realise that it means so much more than Casey entering his apartment. A warm smile forms on his lips. “Yes.” He gently pulls her over the threshold. “Yes, I will.”

[sonicallysos]

MC: On a scale of 1 to 10, you're a 9 because I'm the 1 you need.

Bryce: Wtf no, I'm a 10!

MC: No, Bryce, It's a pickup li-

Bryce: I'm a 10.

[choicesenthusiast]

Mickey: Hey, everyone, welcome back to our Youtube channel! Today, Mason and I will be reviewing Aunt Sofia's hair products!

Mason: *sprays hairspray directly into Mickey's mouth*

Mickey: ...So right away this is not very good

MC: WHAT THE F U C K NO-

[thricecursedson]

mc: we need to talk about the kiss

ethan ramsey: you’re the one that kissed me

mc: but you kissed me back

ethan ramsey: i was pushing you away.

mc: … with your li-

ethan ramsey: yes! with my lips!

[bob-belcher]

me @ tumblr staff about the new updates

[rebel-alpaca]

Ethan x MC – I Don’t Wanna Love Somebody Else

Why do I have this strange obsession of having MC sing her heart out to their idiot LI? Don’t know, don’t care, folks. I’ve always loved this song and thought it was perfect for these two. Enjoy :)

P.s.: The song that goes perfectly with this is obviously “ I Don’t Wanna Love Somebody Else” by A Great Big World: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXe5Xj91J4Q

Tag list: @schnitzelbutterfingers @queencarb @tsrookie @eramsey28@princessfuzzy12 @ethandaddyramsey​ @togetherwearerapture @vika-rafa

Fandom: Open Heart

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Noa Valentine)

Rating: T

Warnings: angst, swearing, slight bashing of Les Mis (but our boys come through on my behalf)

Word Count: ~2800 (stock up on tea and snacks for this one)

“Time to partaaay!” Elijah’s voice rings through the apartment and Noa moans from her place on the couch, pulling a pillow over her face. Jackie starts tugging on her feet, making Noa shriek in surprise. “Get up, moanbag. You need some serious fun.” “I need sleep.” “You’re a doctor, sleep is a luxury you can’t afford.” “Shots!” Sienna shouts and she, Bryce and Elijah throw back some radioactive-looking liquid. Noa knows they’re being extra cheerful for her. Lately she has either been working or cooped up in her room and they are desperate to take her mind off of Ethan. None of them know the true extent of their relationship. How far she has fallen for her mentor. But they know he rejected her before things really began and that she has been nothing but miserable since. Noa thought she’d had her heart broken before. That she has experienced loss and pain. But nothing has ever compared to this. To this hole inside her that she can’t seem to fill. And with every day that she has to walk the halls of Edenbrook beside him, talk to him about patients, watch him interact with the new interns — without ever holding his gaze for too long, ever touching him… The hole grows bigger and its edges sharper against her aching ribs. We’ll be okay. We’ll make it work. His words from a few weeks ago, when he had finally returned to Boston, to her, still echo in her mind. When will she ever start feeling okay? When will she ever not want him? “Where are we going anyway?” she sighs. “Donahue’s is doing karaoke night now!” Sienna’s way too excited and Noa can’t help but moan again. “We could all do something super epic together,” Bryce chimes in, “I was thinking ‘One Day More’ from Les Mis.” “Dude, no one but you knows all the lyrics to fucking Les Misérables for some inexplicable reason,” Jackie groans. “They’re on the screen.” “I can’t read.” “Let’s just go see what songs they even have, guys.” Elijah is slurring slightly. “And have a partaaay!” He does another shot while the others pull a very reluctant Noa off the couch.

It’s almost midnight when Ethan pushes open the door to Donahue’s. His feet are heavy, but they have carried him straight to his nightcap after another sixteen-hour shift. He’s been relying on this way too much lately. One glass of whiskey to dull the pain, another to put him to sleep. He should know better and yet he winds up here night after night, longing to find a moment of relief from the emptiness and sorrow inside him. When Noa cried after delivering a fatal cancer diagnosis to a young mother today, the urge to pull her into his arms was so overwhelming he had to turn away and leave the room. He wishes with every fibre of his being that it didn’t have to be like this. But he has to remain strong. For her. For her shining career that could be ruined by the complicated mess they were about to create. If only his heart was half as strong as his rational mind. “Reggie.” He gives a tight nod to the bartender who is already filling a glass for him. “Hey, buddy. Came to belt out a jaunty tune?” Ethan rolls his eyes. “Hardly.” God, he forgot it was the first night of karaoke at the bar. Some random guy is just finishing up a truly dreadful rendition of ‘Hero’ by Enrique Iglesias and several women in the audience seem mystifyingly enchanted. “Why did you have to jump on that awful bandwagon exactly?” Reggie chuckles. “Brings in young, paying customers. Can’t survive on grumpy doctors singing the blues without — ya know, actually singing.” “Your jokes used to be funny.” “Don’t worry, bud. I have enough Bourbon to get you through this.” Ethan sighs before taking a huge sip. He almost chokes on the burning liquid when the waiter on the mic announces, “Next up: Noa. Let’s give her a big hand, folks!” She stumbles a bit as she heads up to the small stage, clearly inebriated. He’s never seen her like this. Noa’s not one to turn down the occasional drink, but she’s always in control. Her hands are shaking as she grabs the microphone and the first bars of a quiet ballad trickle through the speakers. Ethan looks up at her, his stomach in knots. He doesn’t recognise the song, but he has an eerie feeling that it will be agonising. Scolds himself for wondering if this could be about him. If she has chosen something that will unveil her final closure from whatever the two of them had. Her voice wanders softly through the first few lines, barely audible above the instrumental track. It’s not clean and perfect, but mesmerising in its rawness. Ethan pulls his bottom lip between his teeth to stop it from quivering as he listens to the woman who has been haunting his every waking hour.

Noa doesn’t know why she’s up here. Why she signed up for this song when the others shoved the clipboard in her face. Maybe because it means something. Because it says everything she would never dare say off the stage — not even drunk on tequila and misery. “Oh, I built a world around you. Oh, you had me in a dream, I lived in every word you said…” The bar starts to blur around Noa. Faces, lights, murmurs, all fading into nothingness as she focuses on the words down on the screen. “The stars had aligned, I thought that I found you…” Her throat is aching, the notes breaking at their highest point. “And I don't wanna love somebody else.” Memories swirl around her. Ethan hunching his shoulders in infinite sadness, Ethan forcing a hopeful smile, Ethan softly caressing her tear-stained cheeks. So much heavy silence between them, suffocating her from the inside out. “Oh, we left it all unspoken. Oh, we buried it alive and now it's screaming in my head.” Noa clutches the mic stand, her knuckles snow white. She wonders what her friends are thinking now. Shrouded in shadows, commiserating her in her desperate pain. Urging her to move on from this, from him, before it eats her alive. “Oh, I shouldn't go on hoping… Oh, that you will change your mind and one day we could start again.” Something strange filters through her bones. A feeling she can’t quite place. But suddenly she stands a little taller, her chin lifted. So what if people consider her pitiful for craving someone she can never have? Her voice grows stronger, more secure. “Well I don't care if loneliness kills me. I don't wanna love somebody else.” The dimly lit pub slowly comes back into focus. It’s perfectly silent now, except for the melancholy tune still floating softly from the speakers. And that’s when she sees him.

Ethan has stopped breathing over a minute ago but he doesn’t even notice. Her quiet confession has knocked the air right out of his lungs. It must be a confession, this is not the kind of song you sing for fun at karaoke night. Of course he’s known that Noa is attracted to him, that there is a powerful pull between them that they’ve given into far too many times. But they’ve never dared to speak of love. And the idea that she might never open her heart to another person because he has pushed her away… That idea is killing him. He has accepted the fact that she will hold his heart forever. That there might never be another, that he will simply lose himself in his selfless profession for the rest of his days. But for Noa to never find love again… Time stops as her eyes lock with his. He gasps, his lungs finally drawing in a violent breath. Shivers crawl down his spine as she sings the last few lines directly at him.

“Oh, I thought that I could change you. Oh, I thought that we would be the greatest story that I tell…” Noa sounds wistful but steady. Her mind is made up and she doesn’t care if the entire world knows. She doesn’t care if he knows. “I know that it's time to tell you it's over… But I don't wanna love somebody else.” She holds his gaze for a second longer, then rips her eyes away from his to stalk off the stage, the hesitant applause muffled in her ears. “Noa, wait!” Ignoring Sienna’s voice, she heads straight for the door. Air, I just need air. Within seconds she stumbles into the back alley behind the pub, all pounding pulse and sweaty palms. She’s abruptly sobered up, shaking at the realisation of what she’s just done. Her fingers rake through her hair, tearing at the roots. “Fuck,” she curses under her breath. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” What on earth was wrong with her? Baring her heart like this in front of her friends, the entire pub, him. Noa screws her eyes shut as she slumps against the brick wall behind her. As if things haven’t been awkward enough between them. Hot tears of shame and regret start pooling behind her eyelids. How is she going to face Ethan after this? “Noa.” She recoils in shock at the familiar voice beside her. The look on his face is like a knife to her gut. Pain and sympathy and something fiery that can only be anger at her exposing their complicated relationship like this. She takes a few wobbly steps backwards. “Please don’t run away,” Ethan says with a tenderness that makes her skin tingle. “I just… I just want to talk.” “Right, ‘cause I’m the one who loves to run away.” The words slip out before she can stop them and they both still for a second. But then she feels that new defiance flare up inside her again. “I don’t need your little pity party, Ethan. I don’t need you to remind me that you’re not willing to take the risk. And I sure as hell don’t need you to tell me that I should move on, because in case I didn’t make it abundantly clear five minutes ago, I don’t– ” “Hey, are you okay?” Jackie stands in the doorway, regarding Ethan with suspicion. “Do you wanna go home?” “I…” Noa stares at him, the sudden urgency in his features. “I’ll be back in a minute.” Jackie lingers for a moment. “Okay… We’ll be inside.” The door falls shut, leaving an uncomfortable silence. After a while Ethan takes a shaky breath and untangles his gaze from hers. “I don’t pity you.” He smiles faintly at the ground. “How could I ever pity someone who stands in front of a crowd and opens up about their feelings with such unwavering courage?” Her mouth drops open slightly as she takes in his words. “I admire you, Noa. For doing something in public that I cannot even seem to do in the comfort of privacy.” His eyes flick up to her face again. “That is… if… if you actually meant those words. Or was it… just a song?” “What do you think?” She tries to sound bold but her voice is rough. “I didn’t want to assume– ” “For Christ’s sake, Ethan, when has there ever been a ‘just’ between us? You were never just my boss, just another attending, just a friend. Don’t tell me I have spell this out for you. You know how I feel. And I know that you think it’s foolish and I don’t care. Go ahead and push me away for the rest of my life, part of me will always want you, always lo—” She quickly bites her lip, but her cheeks flush with instant panic as Ethan’s eyes widen. Second after second ticks away between them as they’re both helplessly fumbling for something to say. “I’m going back to my friends,” she finally manages, pushing past him and ignoring the whiff of his familiar cologne as it achingly fills her lungs. Suddenly Ethan’s hand is on her bare arm and although the contact is light, Noa swears she can feel his fingerprints burn into her skin. It’s always been like this. One touch and she’s a goner. “Wait.” She doesn’t turn around, afraid she might do something unforgivably stupid if she were to face him. He’s so close she can feel the warmth radiating off of his body. “I don’t believe in soulmates. I have never bought into that notion of ‘the one’, that if we miss our chance with that person, we will never find another true connection.” He swallows hard. “But I don’t dare to hope that I will ever meet someone like you again. And when I listened to you up there… I thought you not even trying to find love with someone else would be the worst thing that could come from all this mess. But the truth is… the truth is I don’t want you to try. Because as selfish as it is, the worst thing I can imagine is you giving up on me just because I pretended to give up on you.” Noa’s knees are shaking so hard she has to hold onto the wall beside her, trying to make the cool, coarse stone beneath her palm anchor her to reality. Her head is spinning, the alcohol in her veins roaring up again and she wonders if this is a dream. If she’s somehow made her way to her own bed because there is no way Ethan Ramsey would be saying things like this to her. But the night air feels soothing against her cheeks and the ground may be a bit wonky but it’s very much there, just as his voice behind her. “Noa?” Her name is tinged with unadulterated fear. He has just put his entire heart on the line, handed it to her on a silver platter. “You don’t mean that,” she whispers. She has spent so long convincing herself that his feelings weren’t as deep as hers. Because how could he push her away if they were? Ethan slowly steps around her, until they are face to face, his trembling fingers coming up to brush a lock behind her ear. Noa thinks her heart might burst from the tender gesture. “I meant every word,” he says quietly. “If you still want this… I’m all in, Rookie.” She takes in a shuddering breath as his fingers tangle in her hair. It feels like something extraordinary is about to click into place if she just lets it. The faintest sense of hope starts to bubble in her stomach. This is happening. This is Ethan surrendering at last. “You know, I– I would, but... I’m afraid Jackie might try to kill you.” Ethan stills. Then his eyes start to crinkle, an incandescent smile spreading over his face. “Good thing I know this very capable doctor…” “Well, if you ever hurt this doctor again, keep in mind that she knows a lot of ways to dispose of someone without leaving a physical trace.” “Alright, now I’m slightly terrified.” “Good. So am I.” She pauses for a moment, their lips barely an inch apart. “We’ll always have to be professional around each other at work, Doctor Ramsey.” “Of course.” “And my friends might drop the occasional annoying comment.” “I’ll live.” “And you won’t help me handle any backlash unless I ask you to.” He hesitates but nods slowly. Noa’s hands gingerly snake around his neck, her heart fluttering around her rib cage. “Can you please kiss me now?” “God, yes.” Their kiss is fierce and urgent, making up for months of keeping an impossible distance. But for the first time, kissing Ethan doesn’t feel like a mistake, like something that cannot be and has to end before she falls too far. This time it feels like the start of something real. She revels in the sensations of his stubble gently scratching her chin, his arms wrapping tightly around her waist, his scent and heat engulfing her completely. When they eventually part for air, Ethan nuzzles into in her hair and inhales deeply. “One more thing,” she says, dizzy from his closeness. “I promise I’ll never serenade you like this again. Might have been a tad dramatic – even after five tequilas.” “Shame, I thought we could do Les Misérables in the car later.” Noa draws back to stare at him. “I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mix-up. Turns out your real soulmate is Bryce Lahela.” “Oh, you’re right, we do listen to the cast recording during workouts sometimes. The tenth anniversary edition is our favourite.” She immediately tries to wriggle out of his embrace. “I’ve changed my mind, I’ll gladly go find somebody else.” He pulls her close again and presses a kiss onto her grinning lips. “No more changing our minds. It’s you and me now, Rookie.” Noa’s grin fades into a glowing smile before she leans back in for a warm hug, snuggling into Ethan’s chest like she’s finally coming home.

[rebel-alpaca]

wtf that tna chapter was a ROLLERCOASTER

first of all, enough with sofia’s dietary plans already. we get it, she threw out all your bacon (which genuinely is super unhealthy), you get junkfood all the time anyway

sam being such an asshole for not trying to talk to mc after a seriously major event and then springing that business trip on her in FRONT of the boys like being responsible for someone else’s child literally 24/7 isn’t insanely draining and difficult - let alone for TWO months while their only parent is half the world away

and me being like “why don’t you just take us all with you, dumbass??”

then having these super cute moments with the boys that i’ve really been missing

then it always being missing robin hour even though they’ve been kind of a downer lately

then sam fucking ditching us for dinner

then mc standing up for herself and the boys like a queen

then sam and mc having this uncomfortably angry and kinda toxic conversation (and i didn’t even get that seriously creepy murder thing)

then me playing that 20 diamond scene despite being so angry coz i’m a hoe and god it was hot (but fuck i was scared the boys would walk in and be traumatised for life because these idiots didn’t even lock the bloody door)

then the crazy awkward moment afterwards and sam making stupid empty promises that this won’t happen again even though we all know it will

then sam still being there in the morning and talking about a family vacation to glorious italy like