The Enneagram Series - Two (Ethan x F!MC)
Book: Open Heart (OHSY)
Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Rebecca Valentine)
Warnings: quite angsty, like the rest of the series btw
Summary: Ethan’s back from the Amazon. MC can’t really come to terms with his decision to cut her off. Based on Atlas: Enneagram from Sleeping at Last. You can find part one here.
Word count: <1,2k
Author’s notes: Ethan gets a little bit more earnest with himself and with Rebecca. I don’t have anything else to say, if not... enjoy! I finished this chapter today after auditioning for a show that my academy is putting on (we’ll be hopefully on the scene in February), so my mind felt so light that it was actually quite difficult writing it as angsty as I wanted it to be. Hope you like it anyway 💓
Song: Two - Sleeping at Last
Ethan, tired of sipping his cold espresso with an absentminded expression on his face, decided to walk up and down the corridor for about six times in a row.
He later found her, guided by her sobs, trapped in the nearest supply closet.
He knew that many doctors, not necessarily interns, often used supply closets as a shelter from the storm of their days, but he could recognize that cry from miles away.
He wasn’t so sure that could be considered a good thing.
When he heard her, he suddenly felt a rush of recklessness to his head, pressed on the handle and stepped in.
Then he saw her, curled up in a corner, her back against shelves of bandages and bottles of saline solution that with every sob that shook her body threatened to smash on the ground.
“Wh-what do you want?” she managed to say, her voice muffled by the sleeve of her white coat pressed to her nose.
He couldn’t answer. If he told her what he really wanted from her, she would have had let out a humorless laugh and thrown a shoe at him or something like that, with an intimidating expression on her face while she not-so-politely asked him to leave the room. He just wanted her to be fine. Not for his guilt nor anything else that wasn’t her own good.
He just sat down next to her, not a word following his movements.
He knew she appreciated it.
That’s why, when he tried to take her in his arms and let her sobs shook himself too in an attempt to unconditionally share the pain she was feeling, she let him.
And her pain was his too; the denied longing was something bringing them together from their deepest depths.
“I’m sorry, Rebs. So, so sorry,” he whispered into her hair.
“I didn’t really think any of the things I said earlier, I hope you know that I’m truly sorry for everything that happened, and I can assure you that I went away for you in the first place. For your own good. I needed to forget you so you could forget me and be the great doctor you’re supposed to be. Please try to understand me, I…”
He couldn’t finish the sentence because she looked up at him, a gaze so intense and understanding that made his breath hitch.
She then lightly pressed her lips on his, a chaste kiss that seemed to say “I know, but I miss you”.
“I’m doing this for you, Rebecca. I promise. We’ll be fine.” he finally said.
And he was really doing that for her. Shattering his own heart, tearing his soul into pieces.
It dawned on him that he was doing that unconditionally, with no strings attached.
“I get it, just, please… could we stop attack each other like rabid dogs? It’s draining all the energy out of me, I can barely focus on anything else.”
Her tone suddenly seemed so light that he couldn’t help a muffled chuckle, holding her close in that last, tender moment before turning back to the real world, one soaked in professionality and coldness.
“Of course we can,” he answered, trying to keep that lightness vivid between them “but, correct me if I’m wrong, I’m not the one who started it all.”
“Are we going to fight over this? I need to know, so I can use my best lines with you. You know that I don’t like to lose.”
Another chuckle lightly shook his shoulders while he held her one last time, pressing a kiss on her temple that lingered on her skin for a moment carved in time.
The truth was he didn’t know where the hell to start to re-build his life without her.
He kept repeating himself that spending a year with her couldn’t be enough to change the regular rhythm of his life. He was utterly wrong. Rebecca’s fiery energy followed him wherever he went, bringing out the best and worst of him altogether, making him reckless and careful at the same time when he was around her.
Reckless like when he opened that door, aware of the fact that he was going to find her sobbing a corner, or when he granted all of himself, body and soul, to the indomitable tide that was Rebecca Valentine.
Careful as he was always walking on eggshells, afraid of hurting her more that he already did, a thing he couldn’t forgive himself for.
“Ready?” he whispered, lending her a hand to stand up.
“No, but I’ll manage.”
He should have known that her answer was going to pierce straight through his heart, yet somehow her words made him feel even more miserable than he already was towards that whole situation.
“Ethan…”
He was already facing the door, deep in thought, when her voice brought him back abruptly.
“Kiss me. Like you mean it. Like you want me.”
She said, with the most inviting voice he had ever heard.
His breath remained stuck in his throat, her gaze burning on his shoulders.
In a swift movement he managed to turn around, cup her face with both hands and let his lips encounter with hers, the impact of it disarming them both.
Her hands flew around his neck as fast as her tongue did inside his mouth, caressing and soothing all of his edginess with the power of one kiss.
When her hand reached for his coat and tried to get it out of the way though, he knew he had to stop himself before it was too late.
He pulled away with all of his strength, the unconscious and weakest part of his brain cursing him with animosity.
“You should have learned by now that this has nothing to do with want,” he began, lightly stroking her cheek with his thumb.
“I can’t. One day you will see why, and I understand that right now all of this seems quite ridiculous and I might sound like a complete dickhead, but… you’ll see. I promise, Rookie. Trust me, like you always did. But please, never believe for a single moment that I’m doing all this because I don’t want you. That would be my greatest lie, and you know I don’t lie, especially to you.”
He knew that she was purposely averting her gaze to choke back tears, her personal way to find a way out of uncomfortable situations.
But he needed her to look straight into him to know that he was really baring himself in front of her, something he should have definitely done before, instead of running off to the Amazon in a weak attempt to clean the situation up and let her heal on her own.
“Becca, look at me. Whatever you need, I’m always here for you. Remember this. Count on me, always.”
And once again, he meant that with all of his being. She could have taken the oxygen straight from his chest, if it was necessary.
All that she gave him to that words, however, was a brief nod and a last, longing look.
The next moment she already went through the door, her scent left as the only thing that could have testified her presence there, holding him in a tight and almost painful embrace.
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Hope there aren’t any mistakes. If so, forgive me :)
Part 1 (The Enneagram Series - One)
My masterlist
tags: @schnitzelbutterfingers, @choicesfan10, @openheartfanfics, @maurine07
