Sade Olutola
art blog(derogatory)
izzy's playlists!
Today's Document
AnasAbdin
$LAYYYTER
Cosmic Funnies
#extradirty
Andulka
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Product Placement
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
shark vs the universe
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Love Begins
taylor price
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i don't do bad sauce passes
roma★
blake kathryn
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@rebuildingkev
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more
Went on a cruise with my son a couple weeks ago. Realized that I can’t keep up and want to do stuff like water slides with him but I’m too big (highest weight ever) Back at the gym, but now real strict about food. I’ve lost 10lbs so far and that’s just the beginning.
Still at it. Slowly building up to what I used to be able to do.
I think I remember how to do this.
Joined a gym that is right above where my son takes dance lessons so I have no excuse not to workout while I’m waiting for him.
I’m feeling sluggish. I have grand plans for restarting (once again) but just can’t find the motivation to start (again)...
The truth is that I’m not happy in my body. I’m embarrassed. I have all the excuses except for the one to get back at it. I’m finally, after all these long years of bullshit and pain, finally at a point where I feel healthy mentally, but starting from zero again physically, feels exhausting. I’m ashamed that I’ve let myself go. At some point this recklessness is going to catch up with me.
I know what I need to do, but I can’t won’t do what needs to be done.
I wish I knew why.
Kev
Yep. Still alive. I wish I had more to say but I don’t. I’ve been lurking and you guys are killing it!!
Restart #...?
Well, I’m tired of being tired. Started the whole Keto thing and I think I know where my workout gear is. Let’s see how this goes.
If anyone has seen my motivation, please tell it to come back to me. Thanks.
A question: Time for a new blog?
I've gotten involved in the BDSM/Kink community. Should I start a new blog for that or use this one?
Finally got a haircut. I now look 75% less homeless. To be honest, it wasn't supposed to be a beard butchering.
Another workout in the books!
Came across my ex's profile on OKC today. I learned more reading the answers to the questions they asked there than I did over 10+ years. If I ever needed proof that we had communication problems...
Back at it
Started back at Muai Thai. Doing private lessons to get me back into the swing of things. I started yesterday and god damn I hurt today, but it feels sooo good.
I think it may be time to blog again.
Always move forward. I'm getting back into the groove and I will start posting more, but I'm stuck in this weird miasma of not wanting to put my life online, yet wanting to share all the shit I've gone through in the last 6-8 months.
I needed this.
[Transcription]
I don’t like the phrase “a cry for help.” I just don’t like how it sounds. When somebody says to me, “I’m thinking about suicide. I have a plan; I just need a reason not to do it,” the last thing I see is helplessness.
I think: your depression has been beating you up for years. It’s called you ugly, and stupid, and pathetic, and a failure, for so long that you’ve forgotten that it’s wrong. You don’t see any good in yourself, and you don’t have any hope.
But still, here you are; you’ve come over to me, banged on my door, and said, “Hey! Staying alive is really hard right now! Just give me something to fight with! I don’t care if it’s a stick! Give me a stick and I can stay alive!”
How is that helpless? I think that’s incredible. You’re like a marine: trapped for years behind enemy lines, your gun has been taken away, you’re out of ammo, you’re malnourished, and you’ve probably caught some kind of jungle virus that’s making you hallucinate giant spiders.
And you’re still just going, “Give me a stick. I’m not dying out here.”
“A cry for help” makes it sound like I’m supposed to take pity on you, but you don’t need my pity. This isn’t pathetic. This is the will to survive. This is how humans lived long enough to become the dominant species.
With no hope, running on nothing, you’re ready to cut through a hundred miles of hostile jungle with nothing but a stick, if that’s what it takes to get to safety.
All I’m doing is handing out sticks.
You’re the one staying alive.
This is good.
This hits home.
Meal prep in progress.
