You see her? That’s Cher Lloyd. To you she’s just a a 19-year-old British pop singer, but to me she’s so much more than that.
She is my everything. Last year I started self harming, and towards the end of the year until January I contemplated suicide most nights. Want to know what stopped me? Take a guess, you probably got it. She did.
One morning, the 28th of January at about 2am I stumbled across her by accident on YouTube. I saw her X Factor performance of Imagine by John Lennon and ever since then I’ve been in love with her. After I saw that I spent hours watching video after video of her. After falling asleep listening to her beautiful voice when I woke up I watched more, I started to watch her interviews listen to her album on repeat and whatnot. That day I decided I would meet her before I died. No matter what it took.
In May this year rumors began to circulate that she would be coming to Australia in October. Then in June it was confirmed she was the support act for Hot Chelle Rae’s Australia tour.
I was ecstatic. In all honesty I was running around my house screaming. My idol, my inspiration was coming to MY country!
Tickets were due to come out the day I left for camp, which was less than a week away. I was heartbroken.
After emailing the promoter I found out that the tickets weren’t actually coming out that day, back to excitement.
So a week or so later I went on school camp to somewhere just out of Melbourne and had no access to the Internet, on the last day on the trip back to school I was checking my emails on my phone when I saw one from the promoter with something about Cher in the subject bar. I opened it to find out that the first presale started THAT DAY! I was jumping around in my seat, freaking the fuck out, my friend who also likes Cher was asleep in the seat infront of me and I woke her up. It literally took everything I had to not cry or scream. It was official. Cher Lloyd was going to be in my city. I texted my two best friends that were on the second bus because we’re in seperate classes about it and as happy as they were at the fact she was coming they were so happy that it meant that I’d be seeing my idol. They always knew how much she meant to me, but never knew why, only one of them does now.
One of the guys in my class that I don’t even speak to thought I was having a fit of some form I was SO excited!
The friend I woke up on the bus, Opal, and I had already decided we’d be going together because we already had the money for a ticket no matter how expensive, so later that night I got onto the Ticketmaster website and found out that I was able to get us two mosh pit tickets. I called her straight away and asked if I could buy them on her mums credit card, and because the One Direction presale was just a week before I already had the card details and her mum already had my money. After getting approval I purchased them.
It was actually going to happen. I could not believe it.
That night I began to organize my outfit, I was going to wear one of the same outfits she had in her original Want U Back film clip. I already had the jacket almost finished, I just needed to die the sleeves black. As the date drew closer I got more and more of my costume. I bought the same skirt after loads of searching. I made the top from scratch myself. I purchased two plain rings and drew on them so that they were the same, bought the same earrings and soon enough all I needed was my makeup and shoes.
In mid August my best friend, Jasmine went to Brisbane for a few weeks and a very close friend and I began fighting. To make matters worse the next week we had to do all the practical work for a group project that we had to spend in the city to do.
I had a massive relapse, i started cutting again for the first time since early February. A few weeks after the week in the city we had two weeks holiday.
Two cuts on my calve and one on my thigh quickly turned into 40+ on my thigh, four on my calve and one on my ankle. Nobody knew. There was so many things crashing down on me. Things that I don’t dare tell anybody.
When school started again my friends noticed that I was down. One of them dragged it out of me that I had relapsed. I promised her I’d try to stop.
I focused on Cher coming so soon and it worked. I was about 12 days clean, and it was just over a week until she was here.
Nobody understood my excitement.
With so little time until she was here I was so distracted with buying all the rest of the stuff I needed, buying and making her gifts and everything else that I was actually too distracted to even think about cutting. From Wednesday the 24th of October up to the 26th of October I tried to meet her. It didn’t happen.
The concert which was on the 26th was phenomenal.
But I didn’t meet her. I didn’t get to thank her for everything she’d done for me.
Currently there is nothing about her coming back to Australia, only America. So I’m working my butt off to increase her fanbase here to get her back.
She’s kept me a record of 39 days clean with very few relapses between. But she doesn’t know it and probably never will.
She’s kept me going. She’s been there for me when nobody else has been, even though she didn’t know she was there for me.
I just want to thank her, to tell her I love her and get a quick hug. That’s all really. Is it really that much to ask.
Cher Lloyd, I love you so much. I would walk around the world ten times just for you. One day I hope that I get the privilege to meet you. I can only hope though. Thank you so much for everything. Whenever I’m in the dark you’re the bright lights to guide me.
jbbartram-illu
stormborns
yousharknotpass
2087
izzy806
titsay
theartofmadeline
discoholicmusic
