Who Said It Was Easy?

A recovering, wiccan, blogger with big dreams of changing the world // 23 // Personal posts tagged #personal // Stay Strong

[recoveryy-is-work]

Listen. You deserve to eat. You need to eat. You deserve to enjoy every bite. Don’t ever think that you don’t deserve that, because I promise you do.

[nomxredaydreams]

Thinking about eating vs. actually eating.

[notesoutofmymind]

- out of my notebook

[chuckakot]

“Pain does not inspire me. I have to let it go.”

— Chuck Akot, from Vague Owls, PAIN

[recoveryy-is-work]

Lol so basically I’m low key suicidal and I want to tell someone but if I do I will be admitted and I can’t afford to not work. So either I get over it or I die. So there’s that lmaoooo

[sandetigerrr]

ahsgdjhsagladgksadghsadgjsadgkhasdkghsag 

yes

[recoveryy-is-work]

Daily reminder that eating is important and so are you

[recoveryy-is-work]

[whattheforkdude]

please unmute this

[recoveryy-is-work]

Listen. You deserve to eat. You need to eat. You deserve to enjoy every bite. Don’t ever think that you don’t deserve that, because I promise you do.

[recoveryy-is-work]

“Today was a good day. Mainly because when I see recovery that’s all I see online. It’s always been represented on social media that recovery is easy and perfect but what I experience is much messier. What I experience I view as wrong because it doesn’t look like pictures of perfect, beautiful meals posted to social platforms with a nice filter. My recovery looks like a horror film. Something I wish I could escape most days. My recovery looks like tears when I see myself in the mirror or nearing panic attacks when I feel ‘too full’. My recovery is full of questions: why am I so bloated. Why am I gaining weight. Why am I eating more. Why am I choosing recovery. But then I have questions like these: why did I ever start this. Why didn’t I realize how beautiful I was. How could someone do this to them self. My recovery isn’t flower crowns and the perfect healthy lifestyle posted to Instagram and tumblr. My recovery is hard. My recovery is messy. My recovery is clumsy. I fall often, but I somehow manage to pick myself back up. Today was a good day. Mainly because my recovery is the reason I am still breathing.”

— My Recovery Something I Just Wrote, a vent session of sorts. (via recoveryy-is-work)

[recoveryy-is-work]

The body dysmorphia has gotten bad again lol I went to try on a dress I had altered a few months ago and she had to bring it in and I just picked it up and was sure it would be too tight. Lol. It was too loose 🤦🏼‍♀️

[ohbutwebestmakepeacewithit]

you don’t need to punish your body in order to get out difficult feelings

[spotlessmy-deactivated20210523]

this was a great read. “Laziness Does Not Exist” by Devon Price

[recoveryy-is-work]

Listen. You deserve to eat. You need to eat. You deserve to enjoy every bite. Don’t ever think that you don’t deserve that, because I promise you do.

[recoveryy-is-work]

I am in recovery, I am no where near recovered.

What does that mean?

I still fight disordered thoughts whenever it’s time for a meal. Whenever I pass a mirror. Whenever I feel hungry.

But it also means I refuse to give in to what my disordered thoughts tell me, and that I fight like hell.

Today I went to the gym, I ran for 40 minutes and did a 20 minute lifting work out. Then I ate Healthy Choice chicken noodle soup and had carrots and ranch and Smart Food popcorn with it. I struggled but it was healthy, so I enjoyed it.

But then I was craving something sweet. So I went to the campus store and bought a couple candy bars for whenever I get a sweet tooth. I decided to eat one.

I was pissed at myself because I ate such a healthy dinner and went to the gym. But then recovery voice took over and told me it was okay I had that candy bar because I ate a healthy dinner and went to the gym.

I weighed myself after my workout like I always do, because I’m serious about getting into a better lifestyle and dropping a few pounds.

I then made the decision to do that only once a week because I’ll be more satisfied with my results.

Seeing my weight scared me. But recovery told me it’s just a relationship to gravity.

I believed recovery, and I will continue to believe recovery.

I am in recovery, I am not recovered.

[recoveryy-is-work]

“Today was a good day. Mainly because when I see recovery that’s all I see online. It’s always been represented on social media that recovery is easy and perfect but what I experience is much messier. What I experience I view as wrong because it doesn’t look like pictures of perfect, beautiful meals posted to social platforms with a nice filter. My recovery looks like a horror film. Something I wish I could escape most days. My recovery looks like tears when I see myself in the mirror or nearing panic attacks when I feel ‘too full’. My recovery is full of questions: why am I so bloated. Why am I gaining weight. Why am I eating more. Why am I choosing recovery. But then I have questions like these: why did I ever start this. Why didn’t I realize how beautiful I was. How could someone do this to them self. My recovery isn’t flower crowns and the perfect healthy lifestyle posted to Instagram and tumblr. My recovery is hard. My recovery is messy. My recovery is clumsy. I fall often, but I somehow manage to pick myself back up. Today was a good day. Mainly because my recovery is the reason I am still breathing.”

— My Recovery Something I Just Wrote, a vent session of sorts.