Lia let out a loud singular laugh as Rose spoke. She knew the Puri just wasnât herâ Absolutely knew it. Though at the confirmation that it was her family, well, that sobered Lia up entirely. It was one thing to have the assumption and another to know for a fact. âIâm sorry I couldnât have been a better friend to you.â Lia said after a moment. It was, after all, if Rose didnât have a nice home life, Lia could have at least tried to make her life-life better. Instead, all she did was argue with her and punch her in the boob. âNow that youâreââ She gestured to Rose, âI guess I can say that you wereâ You are one of my best friends.â Lia stated finishing more certainly.
At Roseâs sudden raise in voice, Lia sat up a little defiantly. âIâll do whatever I have to do to make sure no one else I care about gets hurt. But Rose, I have to askâŚWhoâŚwho killed you?â
Roseâs expression softened at Liaâs words, and she shook her head. Things were getting a bit too real, and Rose immediately defaulted to posturing âOh knock it off Villace, I didnât come back from the grave to stroke your ego and tell you all the reasons you are- were? Jesus.Youâre one of my best friends too. You managed to distract me from the bullshit, which was really the best you could do for me, at that point.â
Practically snarling, she bit her lip. âYou canât- Itâs not a group of bullies Lia. Itâs a huge organization- youâre not going to stop them single handedly. You're going to-â She inhaled sharply, the same odd feeling of not needing to fill her lungs throwing her off. Another flash of dark eyes, another memory of pain. âI donât know.â she said finally, turning her apologetic look on Lia. She could guess, of course, but she wasnât about to send her friend running deeper into Puri shit in some sort of revenge.
Her smirk turned into a smile. She missed this; it was normal, average. Seeing her once best female friendâthough she never admitted it aloud, filled her heart with a feeling she hated had in some time. Her eyes glanced around them, noticing that the hallway was spectacularly empty.Â
âIâm surprised to see you here.â It was true. She had assumed many things since her memory could be fuzzy at times. The chill from the frosted windows in any other instance would have probably caused a shiver from her. At the question, Serenaâs smile faltered. Her heart tugged at her chest, begging her to not continueâto stay in that moment. But she had a job to do. âIâm here to help you.â She titled her head slightly, âAnd to give you an option: do you want to stay here, at Hogwarts? Or do you want to go somewhereâŚbetter?â She moved forward though her feet didnât move in the motions of walking; her body gliding, the tips of her toes dancing against the stone floor.
Serena's words made her purse her lips, looking away from her friend without a response. Her appearance here was odd, and her words even odder. How exactly did Serena intend to help her?
"Heaven." She said finally, turning back to look at Serena, a bitter edge to her smile. "That's what you mean by someplace better. You mean heaven. The thing is, there's no way I get to go somewhere better." The countless lies she had told, every task she had completed for the Puri, the vicious words she had aimed at others when her frustration grew to high, they all flashed before her eyes as proof that this was the best she would get. "Might as well stay here."
One moment Serena had felt like she was in heaven and the next she was being thrust forward. A pain caused a shout from her chest when suddenly she was back in the walls of her school. It had been monthsâno weeksâfrom when she had been on a plane home to Italy. Faces blasted through her memory but new knowledge peeked through.Â
She knew where she needed to be. She walked through the hallways, once she never knew of before, and only paused a moment when she caught the silvery form of her once roommate. Unlike the ghost of Rose, Serenaâs form was solidâor at least enough. She smirked softly, âWhat a greeting for a friend.â She stopped a few feet away. âIâm not here to ask such questions.âÂ
Despite her confusion, the appearance of Serena with a smirk on her lips felt familiar, and she found herself smiling back, albeit slowly. There was something- off. But Rose was willing to ignore the irregularities in the situation to grasp at the illusion of normalcy.
"Very sorry," Rose said dryly, rolling her eyes heavenward. "Hello Serena, how are you? If you're not here to ask that, why are you here? Besides the joy of my otherworldly presence."
As luck would have it, there was a room beside them and Lia opened the door, shutting it locked after Rose enteredâ though she could go through doors now, couldnât she? Still, Lia quickly moved to sit at the front desk so she wouldnât have to stand anymore. Focusing on placing the proper enchantments on the room, everything was finally settled and finished and there was nothing to do except talk. But Lia didnât even know how to do that right. Sheâd imagine several conversations with Rose since sheâd died, but now she had nothing to say.
âWhyâŚWhy didnât you tell me? About any of it?â That was a stupid question, even Lia knew. But even so, she felt guilty to know that she didnât have the slightest idea how much trouble her friend was in. âIt was your family, wasnât it? Iâm sure.â Lia stated just as strongly and convinced as she had told it to Grace.
Rose watch Lia carefully as she went about setting enchantments, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. Everything was so different now- she was so cold. Would she ever get used to this, she wondered?
âWhy would I tell and endanger myself and you at the same time?â she scoffed. âI wasnât about to do that to you. And besides, youâre not supposed to tell and believe it or not, I was trying not to fail. I guess thatâs why I was killed. Vodka and a guilty conscience to not a Puri member make.â she looked at Lia out of the corner of her eye, trying to express the apology she wouldnât speak. She had done horrible things- Blackbourneâs silently screaming face still flashed behind her eyes. âBut my family, yes. They threatened- I guess I thought they would kill me, but honestly I should have let them do whatever they would have done. My parents are monsters, but maybe if I had I wouldnât be-â she motioned to her softly floating form. âHindsight, whatever.â
âWait, how do you know?â she demanded, narrowing her eyes at Lia. Her mind racing through scenarios of Lia nosing into Puri business. âDonât do something stupid and get yourself killed Villace. Do as I say, not as I fucking did.â
âI saw your bodyâŚâKizzie and IâŚwe found your bodyâŚyouâre a ghost. Rose, IââŚâ Shreya was grasping at straws, struggling to find words to say. She was crying, there were so many things to say.
âI miss you so much.â She cried out, sitting down on the floor. Closing her eyes, Shreya felt so guilty to admit that to her. She felt all these mixed emotions. âI miss you so much Rose.â But it wasnât in Shreyaâs disposition to make anyone else sad. Rubbing her eyes, she gave the girl a smile. âHowâs the other side looking?â
Her body. She covered her face with translucent hands, letting out a shaky sigh. It was an unpleasant thought-Â her body. She was dead. She was truly dead. If the pain she remembered were anything to go off of, that wasnât a pretty sight either.
âIâm sorry. I miss you too. I miss all of you.â she said stiffly, looking at Shreya with an expression somewhere between apologetic and uncomfortable. Sheâd never been one for a free expression of emotions. At her next words however, Rose scowled, floating nearer to Shreya. âDonât do that. I hate when you do that- when you try to pretend everything is alright when it isnât. Iâm dead Shreya- you donât have to smile.â
Suddenly, a freezing chill passed through Liaâs shoulder and she stopped, pulling away, instinctively. She stared at Rose, once more, before leaning back against the wall for support. âRoseâ Rose, you gotta fucking tell me what happened. You have to tell me about the why They killed you.â Lia rubbed the bridge of her nose. âWe should go somewhere more private.â She muttered, now struggling to look her in eyes.
Rose floated away from Lia. Her heart was pounding- but wait, she no longer needed a heart, blood no longer poured through her veins, so what was happening? She put a hand over her chest and wasnât shocked when she didnât feel a thing. Lia was talking, she realized, and she looked up at her, feeling the strangest urge, as if she were going to cry. âWe can go.â she whispered finally. âBut I donât have much to tell you.â
âWhat the fuck do you expect?â Lia asked as she attempted to walk out of the water, though the moss at the bottom was weighing her down. âYou fucking go and get murdered and now youâre a fucking ghost.â She swore, pulling her legs up with as much force as she could to get out of it. âYou know what? I donât even think this is fucking real. Some god damn, shitty as fuck coping mechanism. Youâre just here toâ Toâ!â Lia finally managed to get out of the swamp water and began walking away from it as it spread. âYouâre just here to fuck with my mind and shit!â Lia muttered angrily, glaring back at Rose and the corridors in front of her.
"I didnât exactly choose that!â Rose snapped, her heart hammering as half memories of tears and holding herself together with two small hands flitted past her eyes. A face half remembered- no no no no-. She changed her train of thought rapidly, inhaling sharply and trying to process the thought that she no longer needed to breathe. She shoved a hand through Liaâs shoulder unflinchingly. âThat ice cold feeling doing anything to convince you Iâm real?â
It was hard, Shreya realised. It was always the hardest to move on, even when the whole world just seemed to pace on. That is why she avoided the common room like the plague, why she never slept in her bed and opted for the uncomfortable couches.
She was a mess all over the place; but she was trying so hard not to be.
When she saw the pearly white figure, the familiar face of her nightmares and her roommate, the Slytherin was shell shocked. Certain that her mind was playing tricks on her, a result of some potion that Madame Snyder had forced upon her. âYouâŚyou died.â Shreya squeaked, palms sweaty all of a sudden.
Rose looked over at her blankly. The look of fear on her roommateâs face was incomprehensible. She couldnât see Shreyaâs face without a wide, vivacious smile. Her eyes were supposed to be alight with some form of mischief, not watching her like she was some demon crawled personally from hell to torment her.
Still, when the worlds finally came, Rose huffed out a quiet laugh, turning her eyes out the nearby window and over the Hogwarts grounds. Anything so she wouldnât keep seeing Shreya shaking and afraid. âThat-â she said quietly. â-is obvious. Why are you stating the obvious?â
With the ending of Friday classes, Lia was hyped up for a fun weekend, and she couldnât think of anything better than turning a whole corridor into a swamp. But as she took a step around the corner, Lia stopped. At first, she had assumed it was the Grey Ladyâ But taking closer steps, slow steps, watching the transparent figure with wide-eyed curiosity, Lia was sure.
âYou fucking bitch ass fucker.â Lia said before dropping the swamp kit on the ground in surprise. Suddenly, the ground began flooding and Lia looked down cursing more, âAh fuck!â But quickly, she looked back up to make sure Rose was still there. âWe need to talk in a place Iâm not going to drown in.â
Rose watched the swamp with a slow reacting alarm, rising off the bench she had perched herself on and watching with quiet fascination as she floated straight over the water and towards Lia. She looked at her carefully, getting as close as she dared. How close could she get without freezing Lia? She vividly remembered every time the Bloody Baron would pass too close.
âThis first thing you say to me is you fucking bitch ass fucker. Iâm not even surprised.â Rose said wryly, raising her eyebrows. It was more bravado than anything. She was trying to avoid watching Liaâs fist pass through her face as she attempted to punch her. âSo get out of the water then, Villace. Iâm not spending eternity haunting this castle with you.â
What had happened? She remembered leaving her dorm, she remembered some nameless pain, she remembered a choice, she remembered deciding to stay. Stay from where? What had happened? Deep dark eyes, fingers tearing inside of her, cold stone against her cheek.Â
Had... Had she died? Oh. Everything went vague, for awhile- a couple of days maybe. Wheldon came to ask her questions she didnât answer, first years jostled and pushed each other to get close enough to ask invasive questions, she stared through her pearly white fingers and slowly accustomed herself to floating.
She heard footsteps approaching and looked up, surprised to see a familiar face. She still felt sort of numb, in shock maybe. âI donât remember what happened, if thatâs what youâre going to ask.â she said quietly.
Magically delivered to the sixth year Slytherin girlsâ dormitory the morning of Valentineâs Day.
From:Â Kizzie Wells
Contained: 1 dozen red roses
Rose, I didnât know you at all. I had only given you my jacket once, well twice but you didnât know it the second time. Anyway, I know you canât actually take these but I hope you like them anyway. Roses for a Rose, itâs kinda fitting. I hope youâre smiling up there. âKizzie
From:Â Serena Mantovani
Contained: 4 dozen white roses
Come e detto nel Vangelo: poco in terra, molto in cielo.
Still I always
Look up to the sky
Pray before the dawn
'Cause they fly away
One minute they arrive,
Next you know they're gone
They fly on
So fly on
Ride through
Maybe one day I'll fly next to you
Fly on
Death and dying were very different, Rose thought.
Dying was agony and terror and dark eyes glittering with malice. Dying was panic and the unknown and screams bubbling red. Death... Rose wasn't a muggle. She didn't believe in an afterlife where a loving and benign father welcomed you to a peaceful world where nothing could harm her and nothing evil was allowed to enter. She didn't even know what such a place would feel like, she had never known safety, hadn't really known joy. For her, Death was calm, peaceful even. Surreal, and maybe a little sad. Just an ending.
She couldn't wax philosophically about having lead a great life. Her life had been sad, full of pain, and fear, and a deep bitterness that had touched everything in her life. Her best memories were ones of contentment or forgetting, of dreaming of a better future that never came, of dancing and laughing so loud she forgot her horrible present. She had lead the life of a victim, she had died a victim, but Death ironed out the anger, the bitterness, the devastation of losing the chance to change her life. She was strangely calm, serene. All Rose could muster was a reluctant acceptance.
As she imagined people were inclined to do after dying, Rose's mind went to the people she was leaving behind. She had thought herself friendless, but it seemed now the list was endless- now with the realization that she would never see them again. With the knowledge that after this no one's life would ever be the quite the same, no matter how briefly she had known them.
Serena with her sharp words and small kindnesses, Lia's bright energy and friendly bickering, Paige's quiet companionship and sweet smile. Shreya's cheer and ready companionship. Wallace who was stuck in the same situation as she was but still managed to find a smile, Vance always full to the brim with enthusiastic energy, Gabriel who had tried to help her find her way out, Rowan and Cal- maybe they had a chance now that she was gone. She hoped so.
Somewhere, somehow she could see a crystal clear image of her sisters standing next to a small display of flowers and cards. Tatianya's face stricken but dry as Yelizaveta clung to her and sobbed out her grief, Hogwarts looming in the distance. Another image of her parents' standing in front of of a coffin, surrounded by people in black and looking numb. A small image of her cat yowling as he twined around her bed, wondering where she had gone. If she were being honest, she felt more for her pet than she did for her parents. Her sisters she could hardly bear to think about- she didn't know how she would leave them. She hoped now that Tatianya would look after Veta.
She found herself suddenly standing over her body, looking around a familiar hall, glancing impassively at the mangled shell she had been. It no longer felt like something that had happened to her. The ruined, small body seemed entirely different from who she had been when she looked in the mirror. She felt stronger, purer, with something like hope in her chest.
Something tugged at her suddenly- a realization. She could stay here, if she wanted. No one could make her leave, no one would marry her off to the most eligible suitor. No one would hit her, or hex her, or tear out her insides and leave her to bleed out on the floor. For the first time, no one would be able to hurt her. Â Rose could explore every inch of Hogwarts, stay with her friends for as long as they remained here. She could be safe. It wouldn't be the same, certainly, but now that she was free of it, she didn't want to go back to her life as it had been.
Or, she could go.
Rose didn't believe in heaven, but she believed in something. She believed there was something after death, she didn't believe that you got one shot at life and that was it. Whatever that something was, it had to be better than waiting here as the years wore on and her friends lived and died and she stayed eternally as a ghost with a bloodstained robe and scarred mind. She'd known the ghosts who had died in the battle of Hogwarts, she'd always felt pity for them. She didn't want to spend the rest of her life- existence, silently haunting the dungeons with only the Bloody Baron for company.
For once, Rose had a choice, a real choice. Safety or adventure. Comfort or something new. And Rose, for once, chose freedom.
She didn't realize she was falling until she felt the stone of the floor against her cheek- she didn't even feel the impact, but perhaps that was because her brain simply couldn't process any more pain. It was agony to roll over, but she did, tried not to think about the things that she could feel shifting against her hand, hot and broken and raw. She stared at Nadya, her shallow breath somewhere between pants and sobs of pain.
She wished she were better at curses and hexes. She wished she were like that Hufflepuff Zina, who could do spells without ever touching her wand or uttering a word. She wished she could lay a spell on Nadya that could never be reversed and never give her a moment of peace, give her nothing but grief and pain and misfortune. She wished she could do something so that for the rest of her miserable life, Nadya would never forget Rosalind Orlov or the way she had fucked her over. She wished- but the fury and terror were slipping away from her as quickly as her lifeblood. At this point she couldn't even manage the breath to damn her, let alone the malice. Trying only produced a burble of red that ran down the side of her face to join the rest slowly spreading across the floor.
There was only ending. There was only dying a weakling laying at Nadya Petrov's feet, gasping wet sounding wheezes into torn lungs and trying to hold herself together with both hands. There was only the knowledge Nadya was seeing her at her weakest and was enjoying the show. Knowing that her death would be used to scare the rest of the initiates, to keep them in line until they sold their souls to the Puri. She found, to her chagrin, she still very much cared what others thought of her, and hoped, rather childishly, that the the other initiates wouldn't sneer at her, would think hard about the Puri and what they would do.
I don't want to die here. Rose thought with a final burst of panic as her vision began to gray around the edges. She didn't want to die with Nadya staring at her like a dissected frog. She didn't want to die with her face half pressed against ice cold flagstones, while everyone she had ever cared about slept on oblivious. I don't want to die.
But in the end, like with most things in her life, she didn't have much choice in the matter.
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