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medical school is hard.

They said it was difficult. I believed them, but I had no idea.

Correction: medical school is time consuming.

You really don’t have time for anything else. Our first test is Monday. My good friend says I’m more than prepared, but I don’t believe her.

The professors said at the end of the block people always say, “If I had one more week...”

I agree.

That said, I love what I’m currently doing. We’ve already had 4 ultrasound lectures/sessions/play time. We learned the physical exam of the chest. I wore my stethoscope around my neck for the first time and didn’t feel like a TOTAL douche. We’ve already learned about a lot of diseases and it all relates to what we’re dissecting. It’s great.

Sure, there’s times where I feel like I’m treading water, but I know it’s doable. I’m on the path to what I want to be doing.

#medical school #med school #premed #m1 #it's all good

Over There, World War II. Dear Fellow Americans, I write this letter Hoping times will be better When this war Is through. I’m a Tan-skinned Yank Driving a tank. I ask, WILL V-DAY BE ME-DAY, TOO? I wear a U. S. uniform. I’ve done the enemy much harm, I’ve driven back The Germans and the Japs, From Burma to the Rhine. On every battle line, I’ve dropped defeat Into the Fascists’ laps. I am a Negro American Out to defend my land Army, Navy, Air Corps— I am there. I take munitions through, I fight—or stevedore, too. I face death the same as you do Everywhere. I’ve seen my buddy lying Where he fell. I’ve watched him dying I promised him that I would try To make our land a land Where his son could be a man— And there’d be no Jim Crow birds Left in our sky. So this is what I want to know: When we see Victory’s glow, Will you still let old Jim Crow Hold me back? When all those foreign folks who’ve waited— Italians, Chinese, Danes—are liberated. Will I still be ill-fated Because I’m black? Here in my own, my native land, Will the Jim Crow laws still stand? Will Dixie lynch me still When I return? Or will you comrades in arms From the factories and the farms, Have learned what this war Was fought for us to learn? When I take off my uniform, Will I be safe from harm— Or will you do me As the Germans did the Jews? When I’ve helped this world to save, Shall I still be color’s slave? Or will Victory change Your antiquated views? You can’t say I didn’t fight To smash the Fascists’ might. You can’t say I wasn’t with you in each battle. As a soldier, and a friend. When this war comes to an end, Will you herd me in a Jim Crow car Like cattle? Or will you stand up like a man At home and take your stand For Democracy? That’s all I ask of you. When we lay the guns away To celebrate Our Victory Day WILL V-DAY BE ME-DAY, TOO? That’s what I want to know. Sincerely, GI Joe.

Langston Hughes

#blacklivesmatter #blm #whiteprivilege

Celebration and war sound strikingly similar.

#4th of july

#exploregon

at Mt. Hood, Oregon

at Pepper Box

N7717D WN 3389 Boeing 737-300 MSY to DCA #boeing (at Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport)

#boeing

medical school.

Three years ago, I found an old MCAT book and started down the long path that got me to where I am today.

In a couple months, I start what will be a supposedly life-long journey. I’ve already received what will be one of many lessons in medicine. I wonder a lot about what is to come.

Sometimes, I think about how I ended up in this highly coveted position. The myriad of things that had to perfectly align. I feel lucky in my curse. Yes, I am very fortunate to find myself here, but is it the right path? Am I doing the right thing? Do I belong here?

My entire life I’ve wanted to be a doctor. What if I was just misguided?

On reddit and student doctor network, I read posts filled with ecstatic joy. Joy for success and joy for all of the possibilities for the future. I don’t really feel that. It’s hard to put that worry in the back of my head. I hope that I can channel that fear of failure into producing success.

Going bak to how lucky I feel.

I feel so lucky.

After such a tumultuous career in undergrad, I still made it. After all of the burnt weed, the empty beers, the dirty mushrooms, I’m still here. I really don’t deserve this. I wasted my time in undergrad. I don’t want to squander this opportunity.

Pessimism is underrated. I read a study (bullshit?) that said that pessimists are happier. I would say this is due to being pleasantly surprised when all does not go to shit. I say this because this is an excellent strategy to employ while applying to medical school. I only hope it is equally useful while in medical school. Scaring yourself into success.

I have so many questions, but somehow even the most direct answers seem ambiguous.

#medicine #medschool #update #uh oh #anxiety