I had love once and lost it. I thought my family would accept me flaws and all. A perfect appearance may seem a boone to have, but then again, how many more are people willing to judge you? It would be alright if it actually something worth judging. Things such as who you are. That takes years of personal cultivation rather than what nature has given.
I ran from those unrealistic accusations, expectations, and found a new home. It wasn't like what I had previously experienced but it was better than those dagger-like words clamoring in my ears and ripping my soul to shreds.
At least in the beginning. The happy dinners we shared were the only company I had. From dawn till dusk I sang as I worked to chase the loneliness that haunted me away. In a way, I had hoped that those sweet melodies from a time when all I knew was love, would fill the wound in my heart.
It wasn't that my new home was a bad place but it was a place where only happiness existed when my adoptive family was around. There was no anger, no sadness, no pain. It wasn't enough. I wasn't that girl anymore. I had been driven away, hunted, and stained by life's dark side. If my existence were to cease it would bring joy to one who I once called family.
How can you exist in a place of perfect happiness when you have known sorrow?
It just isn't possible. Without a doubt you can learn to be happy again, but what about the open wounds in your heart? They can't just cease to be. They are real. They are a part of you. They have changed you. It is pointless to try to go back because you have inherently changed.
Not knowing how to deal with all of this, I buried it. I buried my core-shattering sorrows under those noisy laughter-filled dinners and sweet songs of the innocent.
So one day when an old woman came bearing a red apple, I knew. I knew that she had come but maybe, just maybe, I could go back to that time when I was happy innocent little girl.
I ignored my inner screams of not wanting to place myself in the hands of someone who did not even see me. I trusted stupidly, blindly.
So I took a bite and my world fell silent.
When I opened my eyes. A strange man with eyes full of joy and hope was there.
I looked at him and said, "I always thought that my prince would come."
Birds and animals alike began to dance and chirp in happiness. The prince smiled gently as he held out his hand to help me out of my glass coffin.
I stared his hand for a moment. "Prince, I am sorry to say this, but the sweet and innocent maiden you have sought is not here. I am not her. I cannot exist in your fairy tale, for I know the pain of being rejected and betrayed for mere shadows of inanities and misperceptions."
I paused, took a moment to firm up my resolve and continued, "I know of the hurt that comes with being unable to exist in pure happiness. I have changed. I am more than just sweet songs, innocence and abiding love- and after having gone through all of that, I just want to be left alone. Please."
The prince's smile faded away, and his hand fell awkwardly to back to his side. He took a step back, his eyes searched mine, looking for something that no longer existed. With a quiet sigh he turned, walked back to his horse, mounted, and left.
The animals hushed and my adoptive family quieted down.
"Please just go." I whispered. I didn't want to pretend. I was tired of putting on the facade of a happy girl that they wanted. It hurt too much to put on that mask and smile when all I wanted was cry, to somehow release the tears that were locked inside of me.
I grabbed the top of what was once a glass coffin, pulled it back over me and closed my eyes. Enjoying the quiet and safety in my little glass box.
