The Redundancy of a Redundant Sea

everywhere and nowhere with all the typos in between. drifting on a endless, open, redundant sea. with no one to point out the important bits-- it gets confusing.

[redundantsea]

popped balloons

i breathe in slow and  steady and just keep going  like when i was eight and my dad's sister was trying to help get ready for my birthday party and it was only  10 am but like always  (at least like it always was  back then) she'd already had too much to  drink and when she was trying to inflate the balloons with the small helium tank my mom  bought from the party store every balloon would just

pop

she couldn't figure out when to  stop inflating and i feel like my lungs are going to  burst  but i keep going because maybe if i don't stop inhaling  i'll explode  like the balloons and the memories that keep  replaying will get out of my head.

[redundantsea]

pinch your lips

pinch your lips until they are blue like the color of your eyes on that one night when we sat by the  fountain and the summer breeze felt like it was kissing the back of  our necks and you smiled you fed me a spoonful of  rocky road ice cream  and we sat for hours and  talked about our future  together

pinch your lips  shut the fuck up don't apologize don't talk to me ever again

[redundantsea]

silky smiles

if i weave two webs of lies

together to form a cocoon around me

like the silk worm

if i turn into the moth

what does it mean?

silk is beautiful

silk is shiny

is sleek

is soft

if a moth landed on her shoulder

i think she would scream and swat

a face of disgust

as she reaches down

to adjust the hem

of her beautiful

shiny sleek soft

silk skirt

[redundantsea]

pebbles from the sun

i always wanted to be a rockstar thrashing an ugly sweaty body in front of a hundred thousand people but i don’t know how to sing actually i’m tone deaf and i don’t really like to listen to rock music i just liked the idea of everyone yelling for me and watching me and standing in front of them staring them down and knowing they all want to spend just a minute with me and i could give two fucks about their names. i think that i enjoyed the idea of how they would've felt like i did every day i think i wanted to feel how the others felt whose names i knew who didn’t know my name. i craved attention and i don’t know if i was different or anything but i didn’t like people watching me it’s not that it made me feel validated i just liked the feeling of power when people were forced to respond to my social cues to laugh at my jokes or cringe at the sad parts otherwise they’d get nudged out of the group like the weak antelope on the savannah or the fat eighth grader on the bus just for that minute while i hogged the spotlight i got to be dictator of people paying attention “heed my cues” i’d cry “heed my cues or fall behind” i guess i’m a rockstar now well not really but when i walk into a room full of people most of the time i don’t know their names

[redundantsea]

[redundantsea]

five reasons i'm here

1.

i feel listless lately staring at a bright screen

the pixels in my pupils keep me up at night

recently i've been hollow like the school buses 

that sit in the parking lot overnight

rows and rows

rows and rows

2.

i want to be better than me

and what better way to better oneself

than to see what the mirror sees 

when it is stared down

3. 

i want you to be me

and if i'm you then together the

borders of the ocean grow smaller by half--

or is that how it goes?

the density doubles

i know that much. 

4.

what starts as a seed sprouts

like the tree branch that broke onto

your car last night and shattered your windshield

you spent the spring break fund to fix it

that branch used to be a seed too

once.

5.

i'm sick of hyperventilating just to breathe