Sincerely Yours, Ree.

[ree-santos-blog]

Hi. Ugh.

[ree-santos-blog]

Too cute to finish

[ree-santos-blog]

The Psychedelic Path to Mindfulness

Purple Oms. 700 micrograms

Meditate. In and out. relaxing the shoulders, the abdomen, back straight. Om.

LSD's Peak. It felt like a huge hand grabbed your head from the back and this hand was manipulating your whole head. My vision went from normal to GoPro-ish. Wide angled. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on sitting upright. In my ear, there was this howling wind like voice. The more I try to ignore it, the more it was audible.Understandable.

Om.

Physically, it felt like someone was handling me. Though I was aware that I was just sitting on the floor, in a room with my boyfriend and his friends. I occasionally opened my eyes to see if someone had moved. No. They're all seated with eyes closed.

I took a look around but then I found myself slowly looking up. Before me was a wall, a plain wall but there was something in the middle something black. Something dark. Everything around that black thing was forming in to the face of Ganesh. Earlier, it was just art and fractals, hallucinations you can google when you type trippy or psychedelic on google. But everything made sense. 

Sacred Geometry. -Everything is created in my own image. Yes. I believe that. I've seen it. With my own eyes. It's on everything. Every compound you see, every object, every stain on the wall, it was there. EYES. God's eye. And when you stare at the black thing in the middle, it forms His face.

There was a part though when it felt like hell. Everything I saw was not ordinary. Everything did not feel ordinary. It felt like being abducted by aliens and they were operating you. My vision, when I open my eyes, was like I'm inside a circular force field from the other entities around me. Only, they were outside the force field, in black gray and white. (My friends had demons in them and I saw it.) Everything should be faced. Everything should be confronted. Unknown. I forced my eyes shut and focused on my posture instead. Trying to dispose of such images and rummaging through my stacks of memories for a happy story..

The ipod switched from binaural beats to Buddhism chanting. My brain started chanting along and I was consciously busy on holding on to the sound of my breath. I'm still alive. I'm still alive. I keep telling myself. It's just bad acid. Bad acid. Bad acid..

Then, there was calmness, stillness. There was peace in me that I could've not done by my sober self.

In my head there was a story of when Jesus came and helped. When the Siddhartha attained enlightenment, when Krishna made everyone happy with his cows and music, and what their real message was when they were still walking the face of the earth.

Everything comes from within. The answer is always in you. Calm the mind, release it from all material things and surrender unto me.

After a few more psychonautic sessions, everything became clearer. I have become calmer. wiser. more rational and I could not care less about the latest gadget or the hottest trending outfits. Labels, social status etc. I was content. I have everything I've always needed. I only forgot about God himself.

All this time, I was just not satisfied with the preachings of Christianity. I was just lost, hungry and my mind was closed to ideas of him.

Now, I am practicing both Buddhism and Hare Krishna. I stopped eating beef and drinking alcohol. I visit the temple at least twice a week, I pray with my chanting beads daily and I open this up to people whom I think may be interested.

My life is changed forever.

I hope yours too.

[oofpoetry]

So yes I will gladly take on your ocean just to swim beneath you so I can kiss the bends of your knees in appreciation for the work they do keeping your head above water

Mike McGee  (via herkindoftea)

[steadies-deactivated20141011]

1. Do not date a boy who does not care what your favourite song is. The boy who does not care what melodies ignite your heart strings with love and wonder while staring at passing street lights on the last train home, will not care if it’s 2 a.m. and your heart is breaking. 2. Do not let anyone fold you up like last winters tattered scarf and put you away with the others in a neatly labeled box. Even when there’s thunder and the sky is crying, you are your mum’s favourite summer dress. You are to wear yourself like you believe it. 3. We are all stories. Write yours how you want. Make today’s chapter about purposely taking the wrong bus and discovering a tiny blue tea shop, or folding origami paper hearts over and over on your window sill. Just make sure it’s something you’d enjoy reading. 4. I will always try to save you. 5. Someday you will be 19 and lost and heartbroken and you will think about a place you’ve seen on TV or heard or read about in a book or seen a picture of. You will feel your heart drop into your stomach. Go there. For a day, a month, forever, but it’s important that you go. 6. The world is so beautiful. Do not let the slumped over homeless man outside the convenience store or the stories of guns and bombs on the television let you believe otherwise. We are all so lost. All of us. We all show it in different ways. I write bad poems. Others start wars. There is no inherent evil, only good people searching too hard. 7. I love everything about you. 8. Money turns people into liars and emotional ghosts. School grades are an inaccurate representation of you. Measure your life’s worth in how many times you’ve nearly lost your life to laughter, how many books you’ve closed with happy tears in your eyes, people whose lives you’ve brought joy to, marshmallows eaten, or countries visited. 9. Don’t ever let anyone tell you to stop crying. Cry if you want to. It’s okay. You’re allowed. 10. My best friend once told me that the most important decision he had ever made was to love everyone and everything. He’s the only person I’ve ever known to have a viewable aura of light around him. Don’t forget to love this world, to love people. Be light. You are already mine.

10 things I will tell my daughter. - Julia LaValley 

I don’t typically comment on Tumblr quotes and ramblings. But this one made me cry and I’ll reblog it a thousand times. This is everything my mom is to me. 

(via 1112pm)

[cosmicwizdom]

[laurenhooper]

Delete her number. Stop ringing her. Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her, to drop by her place.Erase her name from memory. Remove yourself from her life, more completely than you would like but as completely as she deserves. Move on, so that you can allow her to also move on. When you close your eyes, you don’t get to see her face. Not anymore. You don’t get to think about her lips, the warm glow of her skin when she rests next to you, or how she squeezes your hand in her sleep. You are not allowed to remember the smell of her perfume, that she only drinks mint tea (with two dollops of honey), or that she loves you.She loves you.She has been in love with you for too long.So, forget how she says your name. Forget how she calls your name. Forget how she screams your name. Forget that time you got sick and she stayed up with you all night, letting you lay your head in her lap and holding a cold compress to your forehead. Forget how her hair feels in your fingers. Forget how she looks in your sweatshirts.Forget her.Know only that she existed at one point in your life, but relinquish all hope that she could exist at another point — sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don’t know what you want. Yet. It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of her life as you choose. It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with “things as they are” and you will have time to “figure it out” later. Let her stop investing emotionally in you. Let her pour that love and care into the people who deserve her.Don’t tell her that you think about her all the time. Don’t tell her that it bothers you to hear about her with other people, but that you’re willing to understand as long as she likes you more than them. Don’t tell her that this isn’t the right moment but that there will be a right moment. There is not going to be a right moment. She shouldn’t have to wait for the right moment.Don’t tell her that you can’t handle ultimatums, that you don’t like the idea of finally adding finality to your relationship — whatever still remains of it.What you are telling her is that you want to keep her on as an option, that you are taking her for granted, that you want to know she will be there, that you can depend on her at the end of the day. When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you.Doggedly loyal to you.That is what she has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known her: a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reachvout to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than she does. All that glitters is not gold, haven’t you heard?She is fire. You are ice, and you are afraid that her slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor. That’s what has driven your decisions, your actions all along: fear. You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you, that she could drive you wild, that you would choke on her flames. That she is too much for you to handle right now.Right now.But if you choose not to love her now, you can’t choose to love her later.

(via 1112pm)

Damn.

[ree-santos-blog]

L O V E U

No I can't recall how this works anymore

[ree-santos-blog]

How could I ever get tired of you?

[generic-art]

[herestobeautyherestoskinny-deac]

[vxrsint-deactivated20140922]

q’d

[ree-santos-blog]

One little two Indian

I, yet again, fell in a trap. A trap you set 4 Sundays ago. You and your dilated pupils staring back at me. That broken front teeth of yours you said you got from a bicycle accident. You and your lotioned skin that feels like fucking silk. Your perfectly rough smooth soft calloused palms. That unruly hair of yours that smells like cannabis that fall perfectly on your sweet face The smell of your ashtray lips and how it taste like better days, summers, new years eve and Irie Sundays. How you fucking grab my hair while our lips dance to our heart's synchronizing rhythms. How complex your interests are. How you call me baby. Fast paced. Straight forward. No segways. No bullshit. Inked. Just the way I fucking like it. AAxRS

[ree-santos-blog]

What's worse in my world is that each and every one of them breaks it in so many unpredictable ways. 

[ree-santos-blog]

Time.

It's a luxury. 

The ability to control and manage it, I do not have. 

[ree-santos-blog]

Philippine Elections 2013

It's a family business. It doesn't matter if you don't have a background in politics or your took up maybe culinary or fine arts. If your father or uncle or who ever is in that office, you're automatically a candidate for whatever position you want to run in the government. 

See, I have been a citizen here for ages but not once have I exercised my rights as one. I don't have the money. I don't have the influence, I don't have the connection. I am just a dash on the census. I never voted. Not once. Not even for school or who gets to be the prom queen. 

It's useless, it's a waste of time and I know some douchebag will just get their hands on those votes and trash them. I don't want to waste a day in a line, in this hot humid weather just to shade a name that won't make any changes in this god damned country. 

I, like most people, choose to keep their head low and just talk about how this circus go. 

Brainwashed. 

[ree-santos-blog]

My boss is literally like that woman in The Devil Wears Prada. He expects me to be fucking perfect and looks down on me all the fucking time like I don't know anything at all.

I hate it when he doesn't call our names and just calls us with "Psst" or "Hoy". So fucking disrespectful. I tell him, in my mind: How the fuck do you expect people to love you when you don't even respect your subordinates. I think negatively of him most of the time cos nothing he does is from the heart. He does it for show, to give people the wrong impression of him. The immaculately pasikat na bakla that should be stoned to death. I hate myself for saying these things about him but I need to get this off my chest. He changed me from the positively zen happy go lucky bitch to a minion of negativity and stress.

He loves to cram and to kiss the director/co owner of the company. Sometimes he'd ask me to do things for that director which I don't. I give off an evil grin when he scolds me for not following his orders.

I have my own mind, the ability to make the right decisions and I have the capability to be a genuine human, to treat others like how I would want them to treat me. I don't need to do what I am told for we all have free will.

If he hits me, I will hit him back, hard. With a hot iron in my hand.

[ree-santos-blog]

Dear You....

I never forgot about you. 

I tried everyday to spend at least 5 minutes of my time to say something to you but words seem to get tangled and lost elsewhere. 

My mind has been wandering nowhere. My world, changed in to something I do not control anymore. My visions, my ideas, my opinion, questioned and are purposely sent through the shredder along with what they are used to. 

Being a production assistant is actually hell. How I swear I was back in an office, in my tiny cubicle with purple paper clips and neon post its. Eyes burned out from the computer's radiation and not with physical exhaustion. 

My boss, the faggot. He's both hot and cold and I seriously don't know when he's kidding or not. His side comments are deceiving as they are delivered 2 ways. Jokingly or mockingly. 

How I wish I would stab him in the eye one day to make him useless in this industry. Because of him, I have bottled up so much hate in me turning me in to this monster I once laughed about months ago. 

I used to be chill. I used to be easy going and almost carefree. Now I am this psycho evil bitch who cusses all the time. 

I need time. I need time to get away again. To stay on the beach for a couple of days just to get that zen back. I need it more than anything. To keep me going. To keep me alive. To make me feel safe....