you know what? it’s been long enough i think we can admit that abc’s once upon a time was dumb as all shit and that’s why it fucks
the evil queen’s mom was the queen of hearts, and also the miller’s daughter from rumpelstiltskin. rumpelstiltskin is also the beast from beauty and the beast and peter pan’s son. his wife eloped with captain hook and his mom kidnapped his secondborn son with belle to use as a weapon against his daughter-in-law
there were four rapunzels- one who only appeared in one episode and then was never mentioned again, and then three from the final season- one of whom was mother gothel in disguise (who is also a nymph and had a scene identical to the prom scene in carrie), one of whom was lady tremaine, and the final of whom was alice in wonderland, captain hook’s daughter
hades fell in love with the wicked witch of the west and also was that guy from ally mcbeal and we were supposed to take that 100% seriously
maleficent got impregnated by a mystery man and laid an egg, out of which hatched a human baby. they went to find her dad and never showed up in the show again. we find out in the last episode that her dad was zorro and nothing else is mentioned of this
the frozen characters were all there, completely based on canon with no alterations like everyone else got, and nobody questioned this. cruella de vil was also there and now is probably fighting with king arthur over custody of hell
mérida was there for like a season and a half and not once did she ever get a costume change. they were at a funeral and you can see her bright bluegreen dress just. there
henry jumped on a lion in new york and gave a speech about how magic is real
at the end they crowned the evil queen empress of everything just bc
there was a musical episode
nothing in this show made sense and that’s why it’s fucking hilarious
HENRY HAD A LOVE INTEREST FROM CAMELOT AND IN HER FINAL APPEARANCE SHE RETCONS HER BACKSTORY AND SAYS HER DAD WAS FROM EARTH AND WE FIND OUT HER DAD WAS THE CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR’S COURT
WHICH IS NOT ONLY THE FUNNIEST RETCON IN HISTORY (funnier by the fact he does have the right name, meaning that this was planned and they just forgot to drop any foreshadowing) BUT IF YOU FOLLOW BOOKCANON IT MEANS THAT HER BIRTH NAME IS HELLO-CENTRAL
LITTLE BO PEEP WAS A MOB BOSS
What, and I cannot emphasize this enough, the FUCK
https://ganondilf.tumblr.com/post/108123681713/i-dont-watch-once-upon-a-time-but-every-clip-ive
I don’t watch Once Upon A Time but every clip I’ve seen is like
Quasimodo: “And where is the amulet?” Edgar from Aristocats: “Safe and sound I assure you. Isn’t that right, Lightning McQueen?” *the sounds of revving comes out of the shadows*
Commercial break
