When Everything Says āThis Is Your Pathāā¦ But Youāre Not Moving
Thereās something deeply frustrating about knowing exactly what youāre meant to doāand still feeling completely stuck.
All the signs point in the same direction. Astrology, Enneagram, intuition, lived experienceā¦ everything says Iām meant to be this spiritual, witchy, metaphysical storyteller. Someone who gathers knowledge, translates it, and helps people understand the world around them in a deeper way. Not just as a passionābut as a career.
And yetā¦ Iām sitting here wondering why it hasnāt clicked into place.
Because itās not like I donāt want it. I do. I want the life that comes with it tooāsuccess, recognition, stability. Yes, even fame and fortune. But not from a place of greed. If anything, I imagine building something bigger than myselfāsupporting others, giving back, creating opportunities, being the kind of person people want to work with.
So why does it feel like Iām not getting anywhere?
For a while, I told myself maybe it was because I wasnāt posting enough. And sure, thatās probably part of it. But the truth goes deeper than that. Iāve been living on autopilot. Not because I donāt careābut because Iāve been in survival mode. And survival mode doesnāt leave much room for building dreams.
When I really look back, I canāt say I wasnāt trying. I was at my computer, creating constantly. Brainstorming, researching, refining ideas. But I wasnāt actually sharing.
I told myself I was preparing. Making sure everything aligned. Making sure I stayed consistent. Making sure I couldnāt be wrong or contradict myself later. I was rehearsing conversations that hadnāt even happened yetāimagining hate comments, defending myself before anyone even asked a question.
At some point, all that preparation stopped being helpful. It became a shield. A really convincing way of not starting.
And hereās the part that really gets to me: I have done it before. Iāve posted. Iāve built platforms. Iāve reached thousands of followers. And stillā¦ barely 100 views.
That kind of disconnect messes with you. Because it stops feeling like ājust keep goingā and starts feeling like āwhat am I missing?ā What are they doing that Iām not? What do they understand that I donāt?
I start studying everythingāhooks, trends, timing, structure. Trying to find the formula without losing myself in it. Because I donāt want to copy anyone. But I also donāt want to stay invisible.
Then something my friend said hit me harder than I expected. Maybe the problem isnāt that I donāt know what Iām doing. Maybe itās that Iām trying to do everything.
Creator, editor, marketer, social media manager, analytics trackerāand somehow still be a person on top of all that. Thatās not one role. Thatās a whole team.
And maybe thatās why it feels so heavy. Because in my head, Iām not just trying to post a video. Iām trying to execute a full visionāperfectly. But I donāt have the army to do it.
Maybe Iām not meant to be the entire army. Maybe Iām the director. The one with the vision. The one who sees how it all comes together. But being the director without a team means I either burn out trying to do it allāor freeze trying to do it right.
There was one part of that conversation I havenāt been able to shake: what if theyāre not doing anything Iām notā¦ what if theyāre just posting?
Not because theyāre more talented. Not because theyāre more prepared. But because theyāre willing to put something out before it feels ready.
And that stings a little. Because I care so much about getting it right that every choice starts to feel like the wrong one. Every post feels permanent. Every idea feels like it has to represent everything I know.
So instead of choosing something, I choose nothing.
And then thereās the part no one really talks aboutāthe silence. The waiting. The moment where you show up, and people donāt stay.
It makes you question your pace. Your delivery. Your presence. On Twitch, I felt too fast. On TikTok, too slow. But maybe Iām not the problem. Maybe the world just moves so fast now that anything natural feels slow.
Like standing at a registerāare you actually slow, or is everyone just in a rush?
Iāve also been sitting with another question: should I be sharing this with people I know?
Because when people start businesses, itās usually friends and family who show up first. They support, share, encourage. But this pathā¦ itās different. Itās not something everyone understands. And not everyone will accept it.
So Iāve kept distance. For privacy. For protection. For peace. But that distance comes with a cost. Because then Iām building something aloneāand wondering why it feels like no oneās there.
For a while, I thought maybe I needed permission. Permission to start. Permission to be seen. Permission to do it imperfectly.
But now Iām not so sure.
Because Iāve had the ideas. The vision. The ability. What Iāve been missing isnāt permission.
Itās momentum.
I donāt think I lack purpose. I donāt think I lack talent. And I donāt think Iām on the wrong path.
I think I care so much about doing it rightā¦ that Iāve made it almost impossible to do it at all.
And thatās a harder truth to face than not knowing. Because it means the next step isnāt about learning more.
Itās about doing before I feel ready. Posting, before itās perfect. Showing up even if itās messy.
