Book Reviews

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There is something to be said about the airport novel (of which Jurassic Park is widely considered the ultimate): Babe I am fucking WIRED. All that thriller suspense and now what. I'm just supposed to live? Ugh.

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The movie did not do enough to show that Hammond is a fucking idiot and not any better than any other rich white man. I hope he dies. There's still forty minutes left.

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Man it's so annoying when people are right about a book being good lmao

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"How dare a child actually act like a child!!!!!!!!" idiots exclaim. Don't procreate.

I will say the raft scene was the first that made me want to shake either of them but 1) I wouldn't have and 2) Lex has been acting that way the whole time so it would have been weird for her to change and 3) EW I would not want to drink the lagoon water either and finally 4) Man Crichton is so good at writing children.

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Okay unfortunately Malcolm has redeemed himself because even almost actively bleeding out he's calling for Lex. Now I don't know if he's aware and telling them Lex is alive or if he's so out of it he thinks he's calling for Lex still but. Sure he gets a pass for shitty chaos theory word vomit I guess.

But also he referred to her as the girl up until this point so. What am I meant to glean about this.

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HOW COULD ANYONE HATE LEX AND TIM

THERE'S A FUCKING AMINAL OUT THERE

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I genuinely don't understand anyone who hates Lex and Tim. They didn't ask to come to Grandpa's Jurassic Zoo Island. He only invited them to show off what his money has done. Lex doesn't even fucking LIKE dinosaurs. The only adult in the car with them fucking bolts and LEAVES THEM ALONE in the face of a TYRANNOSAURUS. This is the worst fucking day of their lives! They are doing WAAAAAY better than I would in the same position. I would be pitching the unholiest fit. I would be getting eaten because my rage would not allow me to shut the fuck up. JUSTICE FOR LEX AND TIM!

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Maybe Jurassic Park wasn't a great choice to run with because I have NO poker face and every time Malcom speaks about Chaos Theory I grimace or grind my teeth and a man stopped me to ask if I was alright. Like no sorry sir I'm just finding this Malcom guy WAAAAAAAYYYYYYY easier to dislike in the book than the movie I'm not injured or anything lol

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I AM LEX AND TIM'S MOTHER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN ED PISSED HIMSELF AND JUST LEFT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM GOING TO STRANGLE THESE MEN WITH MY BARE HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I'm listening to Three Bags Full in preparation for Sheep Detectives since I already owned it in Audible and this is the funniest shit I've ever heard lmao.

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Actually I've decided everyone who hates "the kids" (their names are TIM and LEX) are huge assholes and you won't change my mind. I'm only a quarter of the way through the book and NO ONE'S complaints hold water.

1) Tim is eleven and Lex is seven or eight. I am an adult and would scream and cry over this shit. I would probably also throw up and shit my pants. Tim and Lex handle this with surprising grace for their ages.

2) TIM! LOVES! DINOSAURS!!!!! And his fuck-ass dad keeps making fun of him and ruining his trips to the museum. Tim is genuinely glad his dad isn't around anymore so fuck that guy. This should literally be the perfect trip for him it's not his fault it goes to shit. (Once again he is a child.)

3) Lex is a daddy's girl and is struggling more with the divorce. She's not into dinosaurs so this is a fuck-ass trip for her. It doesn't even sound like the divorce is acrimonious, their dad just fucked off. That's gotta be devastating for her, especially since they were baseball buddies (probably because that was the only way to get her dad to spend time with her). Again she's not even ten so jot that down.

4) THEY DIDN'T ASK TO COME!!!!!! WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING KIDS RUIN EVERYTHING THEY DIDN'T ASK TO BE THERE!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHO RUINS EVERYTHING? FUCK-ASS ADULTS BRINGING THEM TO A REMOTE ISLAND!!!!! Like what were they supposed to do?! Scream and cry "grandpa I want to go home!" as soon as they stepped off the helicopter? You would have just hated them more.

You're bad people. Kids should be allowed to react to ongoing traumatic events without you saying they ruin everything. I'm going to protect those kids with my fucking life.

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Also at all the people saying "children ruin everything" in the reviews FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU THEY DIDN'T ASK TO BE THERE AND I'M SURE THEY WOULD HAVE MUCH RATHER BEEN AT HOME WITNESSING THEIR PARENTS' DIVORCE THAN ALMOST DYING AT THE HANDS OF DINOSAURS

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Ian Malcom disgusted me so much I had to stop mid-walk to roll my eyes. I hope he dies.

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Gritting my teeth and imagining it's Jeff Goldblum to try and get through every word Ian Malcolm speaks. Ellie, strangle him.

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HATING HIM IS NOT ENOUGH I NEED TO REACH THROUGH THE BOOK AND BEAT HIM TO DEATH

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Ian Malcom disgusted me so much I had to stop mid-walk to roll my eyes. I hope he dies.

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Gritting my teeth and imagining it's Jeff Goldblum to try and get through every word Ian Malcolm speaks. Ellie, strangle him.

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Ian Malcom disgusted me so much I had to stop mid-walk to roll my eyes. I hope he dies.

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Sometimes a narrator just makes it incredibly clear what clique you were in while at school. Sebastian I am coming for your throat. You are a grad student working on a prestigious grant project I am going to karate chop you wherever I can reach.

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Title: A House Divided (A Rowland Sinclair Mystery)

Author: Sulari Gentill

Series Continue: Yes

I am FOAMING AT THE MOUTH!!!!! I picked this up because I read that fans of Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries would enjoy it and my friends! They were right. It's different, because it's coming from the point of view of a man who comes from money (Phryne was poor and her family inherited after cousins died) and leans more into the art scene/politics of the time. I liked seeing the other side, though, especially because Rowland has poorer friends to keep him grounded. This man just wants to make art and pine. Is that so much to ask? YES because apparently now he’s gotta fight fascism.

I finished this book in two days. That’s how much I enjoyed myself. This book starts with you thinking that the murder of Rowland’s uncle is the mystery. And it is! But it’s not the main mystery. Every step he took led him into more danger and his opinion about it was basically a blasé “Well, I’ll have to do it if I want answers.” At EVERY turn at least one of his friends was like “ROWLAND THAT IS STUPID.” Unfortunately for the at least one friend he had at least another going, “Wait… let him cook.” And it wouldn’t be believable except ALL THESE IDIOTS ARE IN THEIR MID-TWENTIES. This man should NOT have a large fortune, famous name, and vast amount of talent to lean upon. I love him so fucking much. At every turn I think he’s going to die and he snatches victory out of the mouth of defeat at the last second.

I will say… the ending sort of surprised me, and I WAS disappointed. But like, the normal way, where sometimes the right answer sucks and justice isn’t always delivered in a perfect bow at the end. It makes sense for the narrative. That doesn’t make it a bad ending or anything. Just makes me wish things could have been different. But hey, it does actually give me hope for surviving this presidency somehow lol